In 1804, President Thomas Jefferson sat at his desk in his White House one winter evening, and he took out two Bibles and opened them to the story of Jesus. He then reached into his drawer and took out a razor, began to cut out parts of the Bible that he thought to be true. He then opened up to the story of Jesus in the Gospels of Matthew and continued cutting. He finally took a folio of blank pages and only pasted on the folio of blank pages what he thought to be true and left in the two mutilated Bibles, what he believed to be false. We are continuing our study and we're going to be looking at the third qualification of leadership. Titus has been commissioned by Paul to do and to put what remained in order and to appoint elders in every town. These elders or these leaders cannot just be anyone because the congregation, as we have looked at in the past, oftentimes does not rise above its leaders. God rightfully expects men who are spirit-filled to model godliness and holiness. And I confess to you, in and of ourselves, we are insufficient, but praise God that he takes weak and sinful men He enables them and He fills them up to be His hands and feet to advance the Kingdom of God. Praise God for that. If you would, please open to Titus chapter 1 verse 6. Titus chapter 1 verse 6. If anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. If you will notice on your outline, we have six points. Point number one, their children must be faithful. Point number two, thorns and thistles. Point number three, Their children find disobedience highly undesirable and obedience desirable. Point number four, typical responses from parents in light of disobedience. Point number five, the sons of Eli. And point number six, they talk to their children regularly about the gospel. You'll notice as well that point number one, their children must be faithful is found in Titus chapter one verse six part C. And his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. This is the third qualification. Now, for some of you who are questioning what exactly does Paul mean, the other text or other qualification for eldership or leaders is found in 1 Timothy chapter 3. We're not going to turn to it, but I do need to tell you that in verse 4, Paul says he must manage his household well, keeping his children with all dignity, and having them be submissive. Now, you may ask this question, what does children are believers mean? The Greek literally means having believing children. Now, what is the difference between children who are believing and having believing children? What does Paul mean by believing children? Another interpretation is this, that he has faithful children. The word faithful means obedient and submissive to parents. That is, his children are not open to the charge of debauchery or disobedience. The word faithful, depending on your translation, may mean believing. The Greek is pista, which in many cases means believing. But what does this spirit mean by believing children? I have to stop here and address something that the NIV takes falsely into consideration. If you have an NIV, you will see an unwarranted and between believing and are not open to the charge of debauchery. This is not in the original Greek. I do not think that a qualification for an elder is that his children are necessarily saved. This believing child has to do with obedience and subordination, because I think the explanation of what believers are follows in the rest of the verse. The salvation of the leaders and shepherds' children is not necessarily a qualification, but honor, submission, and respect of their children is. Look at what precedes it. Now, this word debauchery in the Greek is asotias. The a is negated, or is a not, and sotso means saved. It literally means not saved. But this not saved does not necessarily mean salvific, but it means wasteful. The child is not wasteful, or it means the child is not prodigal. Now some of your minds may go back to which parable? The parable of the what? Prodigal son, found in Luke chapter 15. If I was to ask you, what does prodigal mean? Some of you may say runaway, and that is wrong. Prodigal does not mean runaway. Prodigal means wasteful. Now, This wastefulness has to do with excessive behavior and the dire consequences it brings. The child of this man must not bring dire consequences to his life or his parents' life. His children are not wasting their lives away. The child is not a blower of resources and opportunities. I am convinced that while the child is living under the roof of the parent, Regardless of the age, the shepherd must manage his house. And in a sense, age is irrelevant. The level of responsibility and level of independence from the parents oftentimes determines the level of influence the parent has. Additionally, an elder must be open to any inquiry about their children's behavior, which is a matter of reputation. Wise parents can influence their children's actions and encourage them to be trustworthy, obedient, submissive, but they cannot control their children's response spiritually. Let me ask you a question. Are you open to any charge about your children? Would you address any sin that a brother or sister here would bring to your attention regarding your children? Would you get defensive? Or would you rightfully take it into consideration? But not only should the child not be wasteful, but he cannot be open up to the charge of insubordination. Anu pataktos. is a negation, again, means not, and hupo means to remain under. That is, his children cannot fail to remain under. This is what disobedience is, right? It's a failure to remain under. We know what insubordination means and we know what subordination means. Children must submit, they must honor and respect their parents after the ordering of their own households. Now why is this important? Why is this important for an elder or for a shepherd? This is why. It's very simple. Because if he can't manage his house, which he has the most direct influence, what is he going to do with the house or the sheep that God has entrusted to him? If you're not faithful with the little, what will happen with the greater? Parents, I want to reiterate what I said earlier. You cannot save your children. Cannot save them. You cannot force them to treasure Christ and to love Christ But this is what you can do you can demand from them and more than that you are commissioned to make sure To the best of your ability that why they're living under your influence. They are submissive while you have authority You are commanded by God to order your house so we can be a nursery for heaven You will be held accountable, listen, not to whether or not your children are saved. You will be held accountable to whether or not you are a faithful steward of your children who actually don't belong to you. Point number two, thorns and thistles. are not born pursuing God. Psalm 51 verse 5, I was brought forth in iniquity and in sin did my mother conceive me. He's not saying that his conception was a result of sin because David came from very respectable parents. He acknowledges that at conception the person has a sin nature. We are not born pursuing God, we are born hating God. If you don't believe me, spend enough time around children and you'll know that they are not bent towards righteousness but sin. Leaving a child in that condition with no curbing, no discipline, will do the greatest harm for them both mentally and spiritually. I'm not much of a gardener, and I know I've used this example again, but I must use it once more. But when I moved to the Redding area, I know what my house looked like, and those of you who helped me knows what it looked like, too. The front of our house, where the landscaping was, if you want to call it that, was overgrown really bad. As a matter of fact, we spent more time gardening than we did unloading a 26-foot U-Haul. There were more weeds, vines, and everything unpleasant. But what did I learn about the house when I first moved there? The outside of the house was not managed well. The owner did not tend to his landscape. He was passive. Everyone knows that when you leave a garden alone and do not touch it, it will sprout out what? Weeds. Creation after the fall, pay attention, has a tendency towards disorder. If you grow vegetables, you have to regularly be checking on them. Forget the birds, forget the rabbits. You need to make sure those weeds don't come up, because if they get a hold of the garden, it will be uncontrollable. Weeds will drain and snuff out any potential fruits. You may say, well, this garden needs to make decisions on its own. That is a horrible response. You must be a diligent steward and must be regularly inspecting that garden. Beloved, a child's heart is like that, isn't it? Child's heart is like a garden. Weeds, tears and snares will grow naturally, because he has a natural tendency towards it. It is the consequence of the fall. If you leave your child alone, weeds will choke out what is profitable to them. And I plead with you right now, if you have young children, do not let weeds take root. You must regularly check on them. tend to them. A child-centered home that never disciplines rebellion will create a self-indulgent, self-absorbed brat that feels entitled to everything under the sun because they are convinced that they are first. Not only are they convinced that they're first, but parents affirm their conviction. Parents aren't actually ruling the house, the children are. Unmitigated rebellion and failure to discipline in love will do more harm for them because they are regularly bent towards sin. Point number three, their children find disobedience highly undesirable and obedience desirable. Disapproval without discipline is meaningless. I'll say that again. Disapproval without discipline is meaningless. If you have children living under your roof and you say, I disapprove of what you're doing, and they say, so, now what? Reality is that we are assuming that children, regardless of age, are still living under their parents' influence and at home. And parents, you get to set the tone. The tone and the environment that you should set is this, one of convictions and commitment to the Lord that creates the warmest, most tender, loving, and firm environment that only a child in absolute defiance would want to compromise. We as parents must make disobedience highly undesirable. Now, I would venture to say, and I find reasonable, that any parent who truly loves their children wants what's best for them. Can we all agree with that? Everybody here wants what's best for their children. The greatest desire that all of us should have is that our children would be saved. Everything is secondary to the ordering of her house. It is said that it's better to have a headache while her children are living at home than a heartache later on in life. If, in light of disobedience, all you say is, I disapprove, it means nothing if there is no discipline. Failure to discipline actually proves a lack of love towards your children and hatred towards God. Now, some of you say hatred is a strong word. It is. If you love me, you will what? Keep my commandments. So what's the opposite of that? If you hate me, you will not keep my amendments. Disobedience shows the rejection of God's revelation in his word. We must order our household in a way where disobedience is highly undesirable for our children. Even if they reject God, they still submit to you. Permit me to use an example. In middle school, I played soccer my whole life. In middle school, I'll never forget, it was late fall, and my mother had asked me to do something. She probably asked me to do a lot of things, and, well, I just didn't do it. And I remember, it was right before soccer practice, and she had given me a few things to do. It may have been to clean up my room. I think it was to take out the garbage or trash or whatever it was. And I'll never forget that I had my gear all ready, ready to go. And I go down, and my mother is sitting on a chair on a dining room table, just crocheting. And I was really confused. I asked her, I said, Mom, we have to leave for soccer. She looked at me and said, you are in no rush to do what I asked you to do. Let me tell you, I grabbed that trash So fast, ran outside. Neighbors, if anyone saw it and thought, what's wrong with this kid? He's running with garbage in his hand, right? I cleaned up my room so fast, but you know what? I got the point. Disobedience was highly undesirable. And yes, I was late to practice. John Chrysostom. In his work, De Inani speaks to parents and says this, and I quote, to each of you fathers and mothers I speak, just as we see artists fashioning their paintings and statues with great precision, so we must care for these wondrous statues of ours. Painters, once they have set their canvas on the easel, paint on it day by day to accomplish their purpose. Sculptors, too, working on marble, proceed in a similar manner. They remove what is unhelpful and add what is lacking. You should proceed in the same way. Like the creators of statues, give all your leisure time to fashioning these wondrous statues of God. As you remove what is unhelpful and add what is lacking, inspect them day by day to see with which good qualities that nature has supplied them so that you can increase these qualities and to see which faults so that you can eradicate them." End quote. Encourage obedience and discipline disobedience. Point number four, typical response from parents. I came up with eight of them, but time permitting, I'm just gonna give you two. First, typical response from parents in light of disobedience. First, kids are going to be kids. Kids are going to be kids. And second, I don't want them to hate God in church. I will let them find God on their own. As parents, have you ever asked your children to do something and there was a delay? Have you ever said, I'm counting to three? One, two, two and a half, Two and three quarters? Two and five eighths, wait, five eighths is? Johnny, I need you to do this. What are we teaching our children? It's okay to understand and comprehend directions from mom and dad. And it's okay to disobey when it's in their sphere to obey. We are teaching children that Willing disobedience is tolerated and even rewarded. If you are taking notes, I would like you to write this down. Delayed obedience is disobedience. Delayed obedience is disobedience. And so when we say kids are being kids, what exactly are we saying? Are we saying that kids disobey? Are we saying kids disobey because kids disobey and it's okay? Or are we saying that kids are going to make mistakes and sometimes they don't know or understand because that's what makes them kids? Or are we saying kids are going to do bad things so it's okay and there's not going to be any direction or consequence? Here's my first question. Does your child know what they are supposed to do and what they're not supposed to do. First question is this, do they have the mental capacity to understand? If the answer is yes and they disobey, then yes, they are being kids. But them being kids is negated in light of discipline because they understand. It is called willing disobedience. When you understand what is asked of you and you choose not to do it, what is that called? Disobedience. Do not justify willing rebellion by playing the kids card. Kids being kids for a godly parent means this. Kids are sinners just like me and just like you and are going to make mistakes. And as a parent, I'm going to point out their mistake because I love them and their failure to follow God's command. And what I have determined to be right or wrong as a steward Kids being kids means that they will make mistakes. The issue is not over ignorance. The issue is this. When they violate a rule, especially of yours, when you ask them to do something and they hesitate or they don't do it, and you remain passive, you encourage rebellion and disobedience. Absence of discipline in light of disobedience will teach the child that a rule is not really a rule, it is a suggestion. And like every suggestion, you can take it or you can leave it, but ultimately, the final decision is up to you, and it's not a moral issue either. We cannot contribute to our child's already wired rebellion. Let me make it real simple. If your child has the capacity to understand right or wrong, and you leave them alone, without addressing any deep-rooted sin at the heart, you are not parenting. You are hating them. You are teaching them that disobedience and violating rules and laws have no consequence. And we're not talking about a flurry here or there. You don't have to be on them for every time they have fallen short. But if you are a wise parent, you will address some of those weeds that are starting to take root. Psalmist says in Psalm 119 verse 71, it was good for me to be afflicted that I may learn your statutes. So the first excuse is that kids will be kids, and the second is this, I don't want them to hate God or church. With love, meekness, and kindness, I'll say to you that you are being actually inconsistent with your train of thought, and please, follow along with me. At the dinner table, you force your kids to finish their plate. You say you're not getting up until you finish your greens, or you're not getting up until you finish your dinner. Why do you tell them to eat their vegetables? Is it because you like to see them suffer eating green beans? No. There are vital nutrients in it that, out of love, regardless of whether they understand or even agree, they're going to do it. What if they hate and resent you for that? It doesn't really matter, because when the tire meets the road, you're not leaving the table until everything is off your plate. Or better yet, you force your kids to do their homework. But mom, I don't want to do my homework. You say, OK, Johnny. You know what? You don't have to do it. It's OK. You're right. You're saying, you're not getting up. You're not going over to your friend's house. You're not going to soccer practice. You're not going anywhere until your homework is done. They say, can I watch this show? What question do you ask? Johnny, did you what? finish your homework. If your child is normal, they probably like to take tests and quizzes or write papers. Do you force them to take tests at school? Do you force them to write papers? Do you say, Johnny, it's okay that you cheated on that test and you plagiarized on that paper? Those teachers were wrong in making you do something. that you did not want to do. Shame on them. They should never make you do something that you don't want to do. How dare them? You're right. When your children are sick and they don't want to go to the doctors, do you make them? What if they don't want to go? Or better yet, how about the dentist? Who likes going to the dentist? Brother Tim, we love you. Do you say, wow, that tooth looks really, really bad. Do you want to go to the dentist? No, you say, we need to address this. You're getting in the car and we're going. As your mother or as your father, this is what needs to happen. Or better yet, how about children who aren't making much of their life, who are living at home? Do you say, well, I don't want to force them to get a job and to grow up because they may resent me and hate me for making them be responsible and grow up? Absolutely not. For those who participate in sports, the coach expects his players to come. You as a parent expects the coach to be there and to be prepared. Any parent with a child in a sport would be understandable, would get on him if he was not doing his job. It would be unreasonable to assume that the coach would be effective and faithful if he decided only to show up when he wants to. The coach cannot just show up when he wants, and the players can't just show up. It does not work. Here's the question. Why is it then, parents, when we think it's okay to neglect our children's spiritual development, but when the coach of the team neglects commitment, we get upset? We rightfully expect the coach to show up and do what he's supposed to do. Shouldn't we also expect the same from parents coaching their children to godliness and virtue? Why do we set such a high premium on vegetables and education and hygiene regardless of their response and not the condition of their soul? What is more important, We mandate as parents what we feel to be and to serve the greatest well-being of their body, soul, mind, and spirit. So we mandate them regardless of the backbite for temporal benefits, but we neglect their greatest and infinite need. Why do we mandate something infinitely less but leave the spiritual state of their soul unaddressed? Why do we discipline for poor grades but neglect their soul? When we have to give an account for our lives and as parents, we say, well, I didn't want to bring them up in the fear and admonition because I didn't want them to resent you. Listen to what George Whitefield says. Remember, the time will come perhaps shortly when we all must appear before the judgment seat of Christ. where we must give a solemn and strict account on how we have had our conversation in our respective families in this world. How will you endure to see your children, who ought to be your joy and crown in the day of our Lord Jesus Christ, coming out as so many swift witnesses against you, cursing the Father that begot them, the womb that bare them, the paps which they have sucked, and the day they have ever entered into your houses? Think the damnation men must endure for their own sins will be sufficient that they need to load themselves with the additional guilt of being accessory to the damnation of others. Consider this for you leaders of your household." End quote. Did you get that? Your children and the watching world are witnesses to our parenting. This is not just the pastor or the elder and the leadership. This is a standard that God calls all of us Oh, on that great day, if I have to weep, it better not be on my poor parenting, but on my child's willful rejection of Christ in light of all that revelation. I don't want my children to be witnesses against my parenting. In God's courtroom, I don't want my children to say, why didn't you? Why didn't you force this upon me? You knew better. I don't want them to say that to me. Listen to what John Wesley says. Children are immortal spirits whom God has for a short time entrusted to your care, that you may train them up in all holiness and fit them for the enjoyment of God in eternity. This is a glorious and important trust, seeing one soul is of more value than the world beside every child. Therefore, you are to watch over with the utmost care. And when you are called to give an account, each to the father of spirits, you may give your account with joy and not grief." End quote. Point number five, the sons of Eli. If you would, please turn to 1 Samuel chapter two. 1 Samuel chapter two. The description of Eli's sons is in chapter 2 verse 12. The sons of Eli were worthless men. They did not know the Lord. I want you to notice the rebuke in 1 Samuel chapter 3 verse 13. And I declare him that I am about to punish his house forever for the iniquity that he knew, because his sons were blaspheming God, and he did not restrain them. This Hebrew word means you did not rebuke them. Children who are not submissive to their parents in the Lord, whether they believe in God or not, is not actually disobeying their parents primarily, but they are disobeying God. A lack of habitual submission shows that they do not know God. And this is what I want you to walk away with. Disobedience that is absent from repentance damns. I'll say that again. Disobedience that is absent of repentance damns. We must be desperate for our children's salvation. Plead with them, beg them, impress on them. When they leave your house and when they move on, if they remain cold and rebellious towards the principles you taught them, their damnation shall not be, not because they're not the elect, which is ultimately true, but it is because of their willful rejection in light of great revelation. In 1 Samuel chapter 4 verse 10, it says that the priests, verse 10, so the Philistines fought and Israel was defeated and they led every man to his home. And there was a great, a very great slaughter for 30,000 foot soldiers of Israel fell. and the Ark of God was captured and two sons of Eli, Hophni, and Penias died. When the priests were irreverent, people died. Rebellious child does not just affect the nuclear family, it extends into generations. I told you earlier that parents who do not discipline hate their children. Back to 1 Samuel 2 verse 29 if you would please. 1 Samuel 2 verse 29. Listen to this question. Why then Do you scorn my sacrifices and my offerings that I have commanded for my dwelling and honor your sons above me? Is there anybody here who have honored their children above the Lord? Are there any here who have chosen to bow before their children instead of the Lord? Why do you honor your children more than me? Eli allowed his children to self-destruct because he was a passive father and not addressing his children's heart. I want to give you three quick lessons from Eli. First lesson, don't be an ignorant parent. Do not be an ignorant parent. You must know what's going on in your child's life if you're going to address any deep-rooted sin. Point number one, don't be an ignorant parent. Point number two, passive parents do their children the ultimate disservice. Passive parents do their children the ultimate disservice. Point number three, parents who love their children will discipline them. Parents who love their children will discipline them. If you would, please turn to Proverbs chapter 13, verse 24. Proverbs chapter 13, verse 24. Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him. I wanna throw a caveat to get you back tonight. Why does it say rod and not hand? You're gonna wanna come back tonight. Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him, not just once, but many. Turn a couple pages to chapter 19. Verse 18, Proverbs chapter 19, verse 18. Discipline your son, for there is hope Do not set your heart on putting him to death. There is hope in discipline, but fathers cannot provoke their children to anger and do not kill them. The child will cry out in pain. Do not be a brute, but do not be passive and indignant. Point number six and last point, They talk to their children regularly about the gospel. Tell your children that you want to order your household the way that God has structured. Tell them that God has entrusted you to their care. Tell them what God expects from you as parents and what God expects from them as your children who have been entrusted to your care. Tell them that you will have to give an account for your stewardship, and you want to do it with tears of joy rather than tears of sadness. Tell them that apart from God you have no good thing. Tell them what you were like before the Lord rescued you. Tell them what Jesus has done for you. Tell them that in Adam all have sinned, that you were born a sinner just like them, hating God, and that you saw your need for a Savior. And just like your children, you deserve justice for all the bad stuff that you have done, and just like me. But God had mercy on your soul, and He offers the same thing to them. Tell them that you love them so much that you will do whatever is necessary to order your house the way God has commanded. And you will do everything you can to be kind and gentle and compassionate and loving, but there are non-negotiables in our home. While they're living at home, whether they stay a week or a month or years, this is what our family does. You fill in the blank. Tell them that whatever other people do is what they do, but for me in my house, we will what? Serve the Lord. Beloved, Tell your children as well that when you sin, your joy and intimacy with Christ is stifled. Tell them that when they disobey you, your relationship with them is stifled. Tell them that when they disobey, it's more than just rules that are violated, but a relationship When I disobey God, my joy is compromised. Sin creates separation between us and God. Tell them as well that God disciplines you as well. There are areas in your life and there are areas in my life where God does not reign supreme. God attention, has the right to discipline us because he has full ownership of us. That is his right by purchase. You, parents, have the God-mandated right to discipline your child by right of stewardship. Listen to what Paul Tripp says, we need to direct not simply the behavior of our children, but the attitudes of their hearts. We need to show them not just the what of their sin and failure, but the why. Our children desperately need to understand not only the external what they did is wrong, but the why they did it. You must help them see that God works from the inside Therefore, your parent and goal cannot simply be well-behaved children. Your children also must understand why they sin and how to recognize internal change." We may not be sitting at the White House desk in the year definitely is not 1804, but many of us here do the very same thing that Thomas Jefferson did. We read scripture, we come across God's commandment and His design, and we skip over it, or we just cut out things that we like. We may not have a physical Bible, but in our hearts, some of us here have not followed through in obedience what God has commanded us to do. We may be ignorant of our child's rebellion, or we may not even know of it and remain indignant and passive. Eli's sons were killed. and Eli played a part in it through his passive hatred and neglect through the absence of discipline. Do you know how Eli died? Eli died by falling off of a chair backwards and breaking his neck. Scripture says that he was old and fat. I don't want to go out of this world old fat, passive, indifferent, and apathetic towards the things of God regarding my children. And so will you, in light of Scripture, bring your children under submission? Will you love them by ordering your household, or will you pick and choose the stuff you like? Command them to submit and conduct your household with gentleness, with love, resolve, and firmness. And as all things, we look to the Lord for the increase. Let us pray.