what we know and believe is the word of God. Children, here are your questions for this morning. First, who is marriage made for? Two, what does Paul say the relationship between a husband and a wife is to be like? Three, how did Jesus show his love for his bride, the church? Four, how did Jesus' people show devotion to him? Five, there is so much more to marriage than Paul writes about here. But what does he specifically write that husbands should do? And how about wives? What does he specifically write about what husbands and wives should do? Ephesians chapter five, beginning in verse 22, this is the word of God. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle, or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies, Hugh loves his wife, loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. There ends a reading of God's word. Let's pray. Almighty God, we do thank you for your word and we thank you for the truth of it that always draws us to you, that always reveals Christ to us. Lord, we always want your Holy Spirit to help us to fully understand what you are revealing to us in scripture. And so Lord, we thank you for your word and ask that you would help us through your Holy Spirit to lay hold of the truth of your word, and not only lay hold of it, but to apply it to our lives. Lord, we also pray that you would help us as we've moved from the reading of that which is infallible and inspired by the Holy Spirit to that which is your ordained means of proclaiming your word preaching. Please send your Holy Spirit in a special way we ask for both the preacher and all of us who are here in Jesus name, amen. Well, there is no secret as to what marriage is supposed to be in the Bible. There's also no secret about what Jesus Christ came to do and in fact did for his people. There is no secret basics to a happy marriage, and there is no secret to a blessed life now and forever. Paul marries those two things in this passage. He fuses them together. And he, by analogy, speaks of the marriage of Christ to his people as analogous to the marriage of a husband and a wife, and in fact, kind of vice versa. So there's that connection between the marriage bond, the relationship, and yet there's still a great mystery on how that actually works, but remember that mysteries in scripture are things that are to be revealed. And again, so the marriage bond of humans is a wonderful reflection of a much more profound, much more permanent bond union, sorry, of Christ and his church. This morning, I want to keep it simple. I think that's very wise. I know I could make a big mess of things if I went into too much detail. My advice from God's word this morning is very simple. Hammer the basics. Hammer the basics and you'll go a long way. And we want to keep in mind that this passage is in the context of Paul saying, be filled with the spirit. And if you remember from last time, that includes the way that we deal with each other. It includes that mutual submission to one another. Now, some try to use that fact to say, well, that submission is the submission that Paul's talking about with a wife to her husband, but that's not legitimate. He's very specific that there is a difference, but it's all in the context of the work of the Holy Spirit. So a good, sound, solid marriage is going to be a spirit-filled marriage. And you'll see after this that Paul also deals with family issues. A good spirit-filled family will have a good relationship with parents and children. And a spirit-filled Christian will also understand what it means to be a godly boss and a godly worker. But our focus this morning is on marriage. I don't want to turn immediately from such a positive message to negativity. But very often this passage is immediately rejected by some who have a problem with this whole issue of male headship and the woman being submissive. It shouldn't surprise us because sin complicates things. And if we keep this in the context of Jesus and his church, there should be no negativity about the parallel in a human marriage. Jesus' relationship with his beautiful bride, the church that is the refined church, is a beautiful relationship. It's a very positive thing. And so that really should set the pace for what Christian marriage is. It's a beautiful thing. And so anything that might stick out to us negatively should be put aside because this is a very positive thing. But unfortunately, because sin complicates things, there's very often an imbalance. sometimes dramatically. I'll put it out there that the Bible is patriarchal, but that can be abused. That submission of wives to their husbands is biblical, but that also can be abused. Let me kind of spell that out in some negativity before I launch into the beautiful, positive things that we find in our passage. But we are about, the church is about, the Bible is about redeeming marriage that has been severely affected by the fall. But because of imbalance, we see these things, even in the church, we can see a hyper, emphasize hyper in all of these things, hyper or uber patriarchalism sometimes. to where the man believes that he's supposed to be in control, that he is to dominate his wife. It turns into chauvinism. I'm often amused by some individuals who are very much into hyper-patriarchalism, and it really turns out that the fact of the matter is that their wives are actually in control. There's hyper-egalitarianism, where there's no distinction between individuals within a marriage or in the church. The issue of authority is leveled out. There's no such issue. There is hyper-femalism, where women are made stronger and wiser than men as a rule, and so they should be in control. There's hyper-neuterism, acting as if there's no distinction at all. We see that in our culture in a very grotesque way where there's no distinction at all. And then there's hyper-compensationalism where it's over the top, this reaction to male headship sinking into girlish men and boyish women. That should not be in the church. It certainly is in the culture. So there's all those hyper, hyper, hyper things. And then there's the Bible. And the Bible is not only God's authority, the Bible is also reasonable and it respects and upholds gender and dignity as well as order in a relationship. And so again, none of this should be seen as negative because it's not only God's revealing the truth about marriage, but it reflects something so beautiful and so profound. As I said, Paul marries those two, the marriage of a man and women, unites the two with the marriage of Christ and his church. And so I'll be going back and forth from one to the other as we proceed. But first of all, the sanctity of marriage. It's God's institution. He's the one who established it. between a man and a woman. Here's yet another, and it's throughout scripture, an affirmation that marriage is to be only between one man and one woman. One man and one woman. It is a good thing. It's a union. They become one. Paul brings us back to the origin of marriage. They become one. They remain distinct individuals, obviously, but there's a physical, emotional, and spiritual bond between a husband and wife that is exclusive. Again, we have to deal with some of the negative aspects of it because it was distorted and damaged and polluted in every respect in the fall. Intimacy with God, intimacy with one another, trust of one another. The tragic fact of the matter is that Eve was deceived and that was a heinous rebellion against God. But also remember that while she's guilty, Adam shirked his headship. He should have protected Eve. He knew better, but he was complicit. And he gave into temptation because he is the covenant head of humanity. He and his wife set up as the covenant example of those who have fallen into sin, humanity. You see it at the very beginning. God calls them both out, doesn't he? But they both begin to point the finger, Adam at his wife, his wife at the devil. They're both guilty. Thus the fall, thus distorted, damaged, polluted humanity, distorted, damaged, polluted marriages. But scripture is about redemption. Scripture is about setting things right. God's design is beautiful. And it's hinted at throughout the Old Testament. Unfortunately, most examples of marriages in the Old Testament are pretty pitiful. It's hard to find a good marriage in the Old Testament. But as you move forward and you come to the New Testament era, things seem to have been straightened out. Things are made new in the coming of Christ. Things are much more clarified with the work and the teaching of Christ. So that we can have vows now, that we often use here in weddings, that reflect the beauty of marriage, not all the trouble in marriage. You don't want to have marriage vows that focus on sin and depravity. Everybody recognizes that marriages are tainted by sin. One of the things that I often do in premarital counseling is say, you realize you're moving in, you're marrying, you're uniting with another sinner, right? But here's part of our vows. Here's how the statement of marriage is presented. Marriage is a divine ordinance instituted for the promotion of man's happiness. That's men and women, just to be careful here. Marriage is a divine ordinance instituted for the promotion of man's happiness and the glory of God. The happiness of this union is realized only by those who fully appreciate its sacredness and are faithful in the performance of the mutual obligations growing out of it and seeking God's blessing on it." There is a sanctity to marriage. There is a sacredness of marriage. It's not a sacrament, but it's a divine holy ordinance. Now we switch to Christ and his church, more sacred than we might think, especially when we consider what it's a reflection of, Christ and his bride, the imagery. Could unpack a lot of it, but think of a couple of very simple statements. The first one from John the Baptist, the second one from Jesus himself. John is not the man, he's making that clear to his people. He's making that clear to the followers and everyone who would witness his ministry. And he says, the one who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom who stands and hears him rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice. Therefore, this joy of mine is now complete. He is standing and witnessing the bridegroom Christ. Jesus, when he's facing critics about why his disciples behave differently than the disciples of John the Baptist, says this, the disciples of John fast often and offer prayers, and so do the disciples of the Pharisees, but yours eat and drink. That's the Pharisees. The disciples of John fast often and offer prayers, so do the disciples and the Pharisees, but yours eat and drink. And Jesus said to them, can you make wedding guests fast while the bridegroom is with them? The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast on those days. But Jesus is saying he is the bridegroom. And while he had his ministry on earth, of course, his disciples were delighted to be in his presence. But he will go away and they'll long for him. But the bridegroom is in heaven, awaiting his bride. We step back and we think about the dynamic that Paul offers here, and husbands need to give very close attention, as do wives. Think about the dynamic. What did Christ do for his bride? First of all, he humbled himself. He humbled himself, took on our flesh, exposed himself to all the afflictions of humanity. He loved her and committed himself to her doggedly. Then he died for her. He's united to her. He'll never leave her or forsake her. And now in his glory, he is the head and the rule over her. And he protects her and keeps her and provides for her. How about the bride of Christ? Again, humbles herself. receives this gracious proposal of marriage and says yes. Humbly to this beautiful, glorious, eternal king. And in turn, she loves him and commits herself to him. And as she's betrothed, anticipates that final wedding day when it all comes together. Christ and his bride is an example to be imitated obviously within reason. There's great disparity between we humans and Christ and his church. There's not exact parallels, but there's certainly a model for us here. I have seen terrible marriages. I have seen marriages that I thought were great, until I found out some different things. I have witnessed really good marriages, even some excellent marriages, but I've only ever seen one perfect marriage, and that's Christ and his church. But isn't it true that we are striving to be Christ-like and to imitate Christ? And here's something to imitate for couples. And so now we go back to the human bridegroom and the bride. First of all, those who are married are in this together. We're in this together. We're not supposed to be opposed to one another. And so there's maybe a simple illustration to say that we are face-to-face in one way, that we are in communion with one another, in fellowship with one another, We're looking outward towards the world that we're setting out to conquer together, so to speak. I know that's a little bit dramatic. So face-to-face looking out, but always, always together looking up with Christ as the head of our marriages. Here's how our vows go. And there is a nuance of difference between the husband and the wife. To the husband, will you have this woman to be your wedded wife, to live with her after God's commandments in the holiest state of marriage? And will you love her, honor and cherish her so long as you both shall live? Will you have this, oh, and then to the woman, and here's where it often gets sticky. And what's interesting to me is when it comes to the issue of submission, it's very often the man who protests. Now, I've had situations where women have strongly protested. Made the mistake, I might have already used this, but I made the mistake of doing a purely secular marriage. Pastors are licensed to do marriages. There was a couple in our former community in New Jersey that wanted to get married. I made the mistake of meeting with them once, not going over things in detail. The marriage, the wedding was in their house. House is full of people. I start reading the vows. The man is fine. I get to the woman and she says, stop. She says, I will love and cherish him, but I will not submit to him. Long pause, dead silence, pure humiliation for me, embarrassment, and we moved on. Here's to the wife. Will you have this man to be your wedded husband to live with him after God's commandments in the holiest state of marriage? And will you love him, cherish and obey? And that's where we sometimes insert instead honor or submit or respect the loving leadership of our home. But will you cherish and obey him so long as you both shall live? Let's stop and think about this. The headship and humility first of the husband. Some husbands act like they're the exalted Christ. I'm convinced that really this is speaking more of the humble humility Christ. If you're a man who wants to be treated like the exalted Christ, meet me in my office after the sermon. Headship and humility. Let me ask you men, what did Jesus do for his church? Remember, he humbled himself. He loved her, committed himself to her, died for her. It's united. to her unshakably, never leave, never forsake, but also lead, protect, provide, be the head. It's very simple. Paul asks an interesting question. Was there ever anyone who didn't love himself? Paul is talking about a good, healthy kind of love. And hopefully, you men love yourselves. You're taking care of your bodies. You're taking care of, obviously, your souls. Paul is not talking about narcissism. There's nothing more damaging to a relationship than one narcissist in a couple. I don't even know what happens with two narcissists, so that's a whole different. Men, if you love yourselves, Show that love and beyond, because you're called to lay down and die for your wives. Now, wives, Jesus is perfect. So don't expect that from your husbands. But I will say, look for Christ-likeness in them. And if you're single, if you're a single woman and you're thinking about getting married, make sure that you see Christ-likeness Very basic that they're a Christian, but then Christ likeness in them before you make any kind of commitment. And then why submission, and again, humility, the appropriate response to what we learn about Christ in the church. It's funny to me, no one seems to argue against husbands loving their wives. No one argues against that. especially wives. But the sticking point is always when wives are called to submit to their husbands. Well, again, this morning, and probably my typical default is simplicity. Hammering the basics. There are many more biblical directives in scripture. There are great books on marriage. There are great counselors that can help with marriage. but sticking to the basic, the very basic principles to be kept in mind. Constant humility and understanding of our positions, and so many other things will fall into place. I cannot close this morning without coming back to the glorious groom, because this issue is quite serious. Marriage certainly is, but the bigger picture of Christ and his bride, that's beyond. That's magnificent, glorious, and gravely serious. We need to make sure that we are being a faithful bride. I want to read something that Jesus says, Matthew 22, beginning in verse one, to drive home the seriousness of the bond that Jesus has with his church and what that means for eternity. Matthew chapter 22, and again, Jesus spoke to them in parable saying, the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who gave a wedding feast for his son and sent his servants to call those who were invited to the wedding feast, but they would not come. Again, he sent other servants saying, tell those who are invited, see, I have prepared my dinner, my oxen and my fat calves have been slaughtered and everything is ready, come to the wedding feast. But they paid no attention and went off, one to his farm, another to his business. While the rest seized his servants, treated them shamefully and killed them. The king was angry and sent his troops and destroyed those murderers and burned their city. Then he said to his servants, the wedding feast is ready. But those invited were not worthy. Go therefore to the main roads and invite to the wedding feast as many as you find. And those servants went out into the roads and gathered all whom they found, both bad and good. So the wedding hall was filled with guests. But when the king came in to look at the guests, he saw there a man who had no wedding garment. And he said to him, friend, how did you get in here without a wedding garment? And he was speechless. Then the king said to the attendants, bind him hand and foot and cast him into the outer darkness. Into that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. For many are called, but few are chosen." God does the calling. God does the choosing. But people hear the voice. And the voice is the gospel. And the gospel has gone out. The invitation has gone out. Come! Come to the wedding feast. Come to Christ is what it would be. Hear the invitation. The invitation has gone out. No man knows his personal time, but no man knows the hour of Christ's return and that final consummation of the marriage. We might say there are no save the dates. Just an invitation. Come to Christ, repent and believe. And be ready. Big day is coming. Christ comes for his bride. And that bride is, as a whole, the bride. It includes the wedding party. It includes the attendees that make up the glorious Church of Christ. and the unsubmissive and the unprepared who refuse and ignore the king's invitation, because somehow there's something better in this life than knowing Jesus and being in his kingdom, will be left out and cast out. But for those in Christ, glory lies ahead. The lamb is all the glory of Emmanuel's land. The bride is not the beauty of her dress in that hymn, that wonderful hymn, but the glory of the groom. There's no secret to a happy marriage after all, is there? There's also no secret to new life in Christ, to live happy and holy lives now and into eternity. It's the gospel. And the church is already betrothed to Christ and he is faithful and he's true. And the wedding day is coming. Last passage, Revelation 21, beginning in verse one. Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them and they will be his people. And God himself will be with them as their God. I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, behold, the dwelling place of God is with man and he will dwell with them. The bride is adorned and prepared for her husband in that great and awesome day. That's what we look forward to. Come Lord Jesus, come quickly. Let's pray. Lord our God, we thank you that as you teach in another place in scripture, that when you called your people unto yourself, they were unfaithful and filthy. But in your condescending love and your commitment as the great bridegroom, you took your bride and cleansed her and perfected her. You've taken sinners like us, included in that number, Nothing beautiful in ourselves, nothing worthy, but you've called us to yourself and made us your own. What a glory, what a blessing. We thank you for this wonderful picture of our Lord Jesus Christ and his bride. We also thank you for the instruction you give us in your word about marriage. And we ask each one of us to do our parts. If we're married, that we would heed and hear these things. If we're single, that your people would remember the sweet union that they have with a relationship with you.