Genesis chapter 24, we'll read just verse 64 down to verse 67. Rebecca, and Rebecca lifted up her eyes, and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off the camel. For she had said unto the servant, What man is this that walketh in the field to meet us? And the servant had said, It is my master. Therefore she took the field, and covered herself. And the servant told Isaac all things that he had done. And Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent, and took Rebecca, and she became his wife. and he loved her and isaac was comforted after his mother's death amen we know the lord will add his blessing to the reading of his word as i said i trust this message and this series that will be truthful i trust it will be practical and i trust it will be helpful let's pray father in heaven We pray, O God, that will give us help as we deal with messages on the family. For Lord, we know we have the devil, our adversary, who seeks whom he may devour. We realize, O God, he fights against the family. He fights against individuals within the family. But Lord, we're so glad we have one who prays for us that our faith feel not. We rejoice, greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world. And therefore, we pray, O God, that will protect families, that will protect our young. and even lowered in every decision, may Christ have all the glory in Jesus' name, amen. When writing to the church at Corinth concerning marriage in the context of widows, and Paul covered many different subjects regarding marriage in that chapter, but regarding the widows remarrying, he said in 1 Corinthians 7, verse 39, if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will only in the Lord and that is the key phrase she can marry whoever she wants as long as that person she marries is in the Lord that means a believer marrying a believer The application of these words is still applied to believers today, that you as a believer, and we will cover a lot of ground today on different subjects, but it all comes back to the principle, you as a born again believer, a child of God, can marry anyone you want as long as they are in the Lord. The very purpose of dating another Christian is to marry them. If you don't see the person that you are thinking of dating, or dating someone that you could spend the rest of your life with, then you should not be dating them. You want to try and avoid at all costs, and some it may not be your fault, but you want to try and avoid all costs of just jumping from one person to another person. Each time you date a different person you give a little part of your life to that person and by the time you get married you may have other men, you may have other women who know more personal information about you, maybe deep information about you. than your own spouse does or yet to find out. So I suggest it's better to wait and share special experiences with the one who you will marry and create those memories together. There's a lot more I could say on that. But today, I want to say in this message, I trust it will be honest, helpful, practical, and scriptural. There'll be points I will make today for you to prayerfully consider. In preaching on the home or the series on the family, there are general things that you can say maybe in any church. However, there are certain applications that can only be made in certain congregations. When I lived in Northern Ireland, the congregation I attended was mainly made up, maybe at all, of Northern Irish people. and so maybe what was preached was related or applied to that congregation. Whenever I lived in Puerto Rico in that church there were 17 different nationalities represented and therefore the application was a lot broader and a lot more in depth. And so the purpose of this meeting, or this message today, is to guide and help in right decision who to marry, who to spend the rest of your life with. Because marriage, as we've looked at already, is a covenant, an oath, a promise between one male and one female coming together as one flesh in the presence of the Lord. And so before you date, or get engaged, or get married. There are some helpful advice I want to give you today before marriage. And like I said, you can take it. You can leave it. But notice, first of all, there is the attractiveness for marriage, the attractiveness for marriage. And I trust, as I said, that'll also be practical and use personal illustrations as well. We've read today in Genesis chapter 24 of Isaac and Rebekah, and clearly they were two attractive people. Genesis chapter 24 verse 63, Rebekah lifted up her eyes and when she saw Isaac, she lighted off her camel. Verse 65, she had said unto the servant, what man is this? He responded, it's Isaac. Rebekah could see Isaac was a handsome man. But in response to Genesis chapter 24, verse 16, Isaac said of Rebekah, the damsel was very fair to look upon. Genesis 12 verse 14 through Genesis chapter 12 verse 11 through 14 we learn of Sarah that she was a fair woman and a woman of beauty and so as we're thinking in our series of the family and we're thinking of the home the point is this the person you set your eyes upon must be attractive to you they must be attractive visually Because you are the one who will look at him or her for the rest of your days. They may not be attractive to the other people, that does not matter. They have to be attractive to you. Through the years, the visual appearance changes. Youth and beauty pass away. Some put weight on. Clothes don't fit anymore. Some lose their hair. I used to have blader nut curtains in my younger days. And I used to be able to carry a comb in my pocket that whenever I went, I could just flick it out there and put the curtains back in place. Now, in my older years, The only thing I carry is my glasses so I can see. When I used to get my hair cut, the barbers used to get a big brush and brush so much of my hair. Now, Valentina cuts my hair and basically fits in her hand the whole lot of it. Some get wrinkles, the height starts to change, the hearing starts to go, the teeth start to fall out. Sadly, some let themselves go, that they become unrecognizable. But I have to say my wife still looks beautiful to me because she's not supposed to look beautiful to anyone else in that sense. When Valentina shares pictures of our wedding days, of days gone by, when it comes to her pictures, people will be all pleasant. Oh, isn't that very nice? But when it comes to me, they have to take a second look. And then I hear, what happened to you? and then I'm left there all alone some people get me out of it and say brother the ministry must be hard and I have to say well I blame the hard water and all the rest but the point is this the person you marry must be attracted to you or attractive to you because if they're not attractive to you before marriage they will not be attractive to you before after marriage there must be that physical attraction why because there will be a time when sickness enters into the home and for some it may be cancer that has weakened the body dementia that has changed the mind some even become a carer to their own spouse I remember in ministry, whenever I would go around in Northern Ireland, when I did my internship with one of the ministers, I would go around people's homes and visit maybe men who lost their wives or wives who men or husbands had passed away. And they'd begin to show me their pictures. And again, whether it was the husband or the wife, you would see a strong person. a person that has all the life in them and then they would show me a picture of them just before they passed away yes a personal picture but i tell you what the complete difference in the pictures but they became their cares The person must be attractive to you physically, because physical appearance changes. You can't just go on the whim and say they look beautiful now, and then when things change later on, resent them because of it. They must be attractive spiritually, because the spiritual flame can change. What happens if he or she backslides? Well, I know many will have. What happens if that seal for God is no longer there? What happens if she, he or she who once came to church no longer comes to church anymore? What happens if they stop reading their Bible? If they then become maybe a discourager? Attractive visually, physically, spiritually, all these may and will change at some point. That's why you need something more than an outward attractiveness. You need a heart that beats for the person that you will marry, that you will be there through thick and thin. There's a reason why in the marriage vows it says, in sickness and in health, that when it becomes sickness and health changes, someone else will not do a runner. and every change you faithful will remain, that you will be like Christ. You have entered in to a marriage covenant, an oath, a promise to be there. As Christ said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. And so that may be a small point, but attractiveness before marriage, the person you marry, plan the date, must be attractive to you. But notice secondly, the abstinence before marriage. You will see from Genesis chapter two, that Adam and Eve, where, were created, we read that in verses 7-23, and then they were married in verses 24-25. Eve is described as Adam's wife, one flesh. So they were created, they were brought together, then they got married. then chapter 4 verse 1 we read adam knew eve his wife and she conceived and bear cain she bear a son so god has set boundaries borders perimeters before marriage not to be sexually involved before marriage the same with adam and eve the first couple Again with Isaac and Rebekah. Rebekah is described Genesis 24 verse 16. The damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin, neither hath any man known. And that meant no man has known her. Genesis 24, verse 21. And Isaac entreated the Lord for his wife, because she was barren. And the Lord entreated of him, and Rebecca, his wife, conceived. Remember, no man had known her. They met, then they were married, and then children came after. Again, the same even, if you like, with Joseph and Mary. That Mary knew no man. but Joseph, marriage first. Again, Hebrews chapter 13, verse four, marriage is honorable and all, and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Now I realize that is not a popular message today. I understand the world. I understand the educational system has a different way of viewing this matter. For them, it's not about purity. For them, it's about age. That's what it is today in the educational system. And all these kids, children being taught today, that even from the age of 14 onwards, they can start to be impure, in that sense, what we're dealing with. There will be many men and women who will not care about your purity. They will pressurize people into certain situations for their own benefit and their own laughter. Some call it a one-nighter. Some call it becoming of age. But you will not become the only one. You will become one of many. By the course of the world, a man who has not yet known a woman or a woman who has not yet known a man in that sexual manner before marriage is termed as something wrong with them, as weird, missing out, yet God calls it purity, patience, godliness. Paul gave counsel to Timothy as a minister of the gospel in 1 Timothy chapter 5 verse 2. Neither be partaker of other men's sins, keep thyself pure. Of course these words can be applied to the marriage setting. Men and women, neither be a partaker of other men's sins. Keep yourself pure. 1 Peter 2 verse 11, abstain from fleshly lusts that war against the soul. Let me say, any young man, any young woman, but in reference to Christian men and Christian women who abstain, who keep themselves for the one they marry, that is precious. That is a treasure, a gift, untouched, reserved for the one that the Lord has given you. Don't give your gift, your purity, just to anyone for just any time. It will mar you, it will scar you, you will feel regret, you will feel guilt and it will cost you later on your wedding day. Your purity should be the one gift that you give the one whom you have entered in to that covenant bond with. That's young people or single people, what you should be aiming for, what you should be striving for. Now, I understand even among Christians today, that is not popular. You would not believe the, in my ministry, the phone calls that I have received from Christian partners and going into all these different things. And it's clear that before they've even been married, they have been impure and all those different things. And some have caused then after to break up. And what I'm saying to you, when you get married, your gift of purity, your gift of honesty in that sense, your gift of not being touched ought to be a gift reserved, a treasure for the person that you are going to enter into marriage. Young people, be very careful. Don't allow the devil and his temptation to lead you astray. But rather, like Joseph say, how can I do this great wickedness and sin against God? So we have the attractiveness. for marriage, and then the abstinence before marriage. Notice, finally, the approval for marriage. Now this may take up some of the message, as many questions have been asked by this. The approval for marriage. Genesis 24, and I want all parents as well to listen to this too, and also young people. Genesis chapter 24. Abraham gave his servant orders to find his son a woman to be his wife. Now we've looked at that a number of weeks ago, at many of the different principles that were laid down. All as Abraham gave for requirements, as long as they were met, He gave approval for the woman who returned to be with Isaac to marry. As long as Abraham's requirements, and that simply was that she's not from the heathen, that she doesn't worship false idols, that she's one who belongs to the Lord. In a sense, it didn't matter who Isaac married. It didn't matter the person brought back. All Abraham asked his servant, giving the requirements that you bring back one who belongs to the Lord. However, it was still Isaac and Rebecca's decision to marry each other. The parents didn't say who their children had to marry. They only give the scriptural principles what to seek for in a spouse who they were to marry. And so you must remember that, parents. All you can do with your children is give them the principles, the guidance, who they ought to look for in a spouse. But it comes, their decision, who they actually marry. Before they got married, in Genesis chapter 24, verse 67, Isaac brought into his mother Sarah's tent, Rebekah, to meet her. And then Rebekah became his wife. I make this point, before marriage, Isaac's parents approved of Rebekah, and were delighted to support the marriage. I will make this point that Isaac and Rebecca were not looking for their parents' permission to marry, but they were looking for approval for the one they would marry. From Rebecca's point of view, her father Bethiel, her mother, and her brother Laban. They all were supportive of the marriage. They said to Rebekah in verse 58, wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go. Before they were married, Rebecca's parents approved of their marriage. But Rebecca still made the choice to go and enter into the marriage. When her parents said to her, will thou go with this man? Rebecca could have said, no, I will not. And that would have ended it. But she said, I will go. And her parents gave the approval for her to go. She made the final choice as with Isaac. She was not forced, but both Rebekah's brother, her father, said in verse 50, the thing proceedeth from the Lord. In other words, they knew going by the details. And hearing from the servant what he said to Rebekah and what Rebekah relates to the family, they said in verse 50, this thing proceeded from the Lord. In other words, this is off the Lord. This is arranged off the Lord. God has brought this couple together. And that's why Abraham's servant could say in verse 48, I being in the way, lord led me the lord god which led me in the right way i start with scripture as the basis because both isaac's side of the family and rebecca's side of the family approved of the two getting married though the final decision rested both with Isaac and Rebekah. " Now parents don't like that because they said, well, my daughter will marry who I will tell her to marry, or my son will marry who I tell him to marry. But that's not scriptural. All you can do is give them the principles, give them the guidance, give them the advice. They're the ones that have to make the final decision because they're the one who are entering into that covenant union, that covenant bond. But on this occasion, Both families could see the Lord's hand. Both families could see the Lord's guidance. Abraham did not matter who the servant brought back as long as she met the requirements. Does she belong to the Lord? That she's not of the heathen, the pagan, that she's not a false worshipper. and all that was met. So why the person you will plan to marry one day will be your choice, I want to say this, yet I still believe it's right and wise to seek not your family's permission, but your family's approval. And I make that stress your family's approval because you're the one who has to make the final decision whether you will go in agreement with the family or not because you're the one that's getting married. I make that point because family is the key to your marriage. and if you have children if one of the parents or both don't approve of the marriage while it's your final decision and depending on circumstances or the spiritual position I would say it's best not to marry someone who your parents strongly approve of, if good reasons, though it's your final decision. But I would say, given the advice, if your parents or both sets of parents strongly advise you not to. depending on the reasons, then you'd be wise to listen to their advice because you need family support. And there's nothing worse, and again I'm talking from people who I know in situations, there's nothing worse than when you have a couple married and the two sets of families do not get along. or there's disagreements all the time. There's fallouts all the time. And maybe one of the spouses feel neglected, feel an outcast, feel not part of the whole thing. So it's important to have family support. As far as myself and Valentina goes, Valentina, I don't think, and I didn't ask this one before, jotting my memory, but I don't think, going back all those years ago, I don't think she looked for her dad's, the dad was the key in everything, by the way, I don't think she looked for her dad's permission, but she looked for her dad's approval. And I think if Valentina's dad had not approved of us dating, then Valentina would not have dated me. I think I can say that right. And I make the point, I have seen this first hand. I know exactly how it goes down and I've seen it many, many times. As I said, it's your final decision But be very careful if your family strongly disapprove of the person that you are going to marry. Which leads on to these questions, which I have then been asked by people in the congregation. And I hope they don't sound offensive. They're not meant to be offensive. but they're questions that have been asked to me. What happens? Or can I marry someone who's from a different church than I belong to? Can I marry someone who's from a different country than I belong to? Or a different culture? Or a different color of skin? And I will answer those questions with you just now. If the person you have set your eyes upon, they meet all the requirements that Abraham set down, they are saved, they serve the Lord, they are surrendered from the Lord, but they're from a different church, should I marry them? And again, I have been on both sides of this. I have heard statements, because I have been on both sides of this, that independent fundamental Baptists, or Baptists in general, should only marry Baptists. And I've also heard that free Presbyterians should only marry free Presbyterians. And no doubt in any particular group, they will always mention that particular. I understand why they do that. Because what they're saying from a church point of view, you're marrying someone who has the same biblical standard as that church. And I understand that. But I don't fully agree with those statements at all. You can marry anyone as long as they are in the Lord. I'm from a Presbyterian background, Valentina. came from a Baptist background. That's because in the Caribbean, the Presbyterian churches were small. I think maybe not even good gospel preaching churches, but in the Caribbean, you find mostly Baptist churches with American persuasion on that. But you need to be careful on the two churches. Because as I said, when you have two different churches, you have two different ways of thinking. As I said, we've spoken about this already, the church that we lived when we were in Puerto Rico. You know, as I said, they were very strong against head covering or against Calvinism and all the rest like that. And so you have to be careful. In fact, the preacher who would have come to preach in Northern Ireland, some of the people in the congregation just couldn't understand. Go down and preach for that lot. And so you have to be careful. In fact, Dr. Paisley, Dr. Rod Bell years ago, remember when I lived out there, he told me the very first night. I'm going off subject. I'm just using this to get the understanding here, the context. Dr. Bell, remember when I lived out there in Puerto Rico, he said to me, young man, I want to tell you the day I met Dr. Paisley. And what do you hear this? Maybe you don't know this. Bob Jones University back then, They invited Dr. Paisley to preach for the first time in Greenville. And Rod Bell at that stage was a student. And all the students, all they heard, there's a Presbyterian coming to preach in a Baptist congregation. And they all got together to lead a protest. All the students got together. Rod Bell said to me, they thought that Bob Jones had lost his mind. What's gonna come next? And they were all ready there to lynch him. But Dr. Jones gave Dr. Paisley a good warm welcome. And when Dr. Paisley came and preached, didn't their mouths all keep quiet after? And then they all became the best of friends. And they all shared pulpits. Now everybody shares those same type of things. As I said, but the person you're marrying has to. I remember when I was in that college, one man said to me, he said, I could never fellowship with someone who was not an independent fundamental Baptist. And he gave me 10 different things. And he said, if they did not hold these things, I could not fellowship with them. And I said to him, then where does that leave me? And the point I'm making, if you're going to marry someone from a different congregation, you have to be careful because you go to that church to visit your family, and they blast everything that your other minister teaches in that church. Well, that's very, very awkward. Listen, I had to send messages that I had to listen to why Calvinism was a heresy. All the nonsense of the day. And while I said, obviously, he didn't hold any of those things we spoke and stuff, but I'm just saying you have to be careful. The church background that you minister to, that you go to when you marry someone, because in-laws may argue, in-laws may not get along, in-laws may have a different opinion and you will find when they get together you will find more arguments, more disagreements because of the churches attended. Also if they're from a different country or culture, or different color skin, should I marry them? Well, again, keep the principle. You can marry anyone as long as they are in the Lord. Boaz was a Jew, as we learned last week, who married Ruth, a Gentile. Obviously, she was from Moab, a different country, Ruth chapter 1 through 4. Joseph, being a Jewish man, married Asenath, who was an Egyptian. We learn of Moses, a Jew, who married an Ethiopian woman at Numbers chapter 12, verse 1. Now, if you only want to marry someone who is from your own native country, culture, skin color, speak the same language, eat the same food, that's fine. There's nothing wrong with that. Otherwise, this is where you need to be open and honest with each other, with your parents, and with your family. I learn with Valentina. Again, there's nothing new under the sun. We come from a lot of experience. We come from a lot of background. We come from a lot of people who have done things just not the right way, put it like that. We've known people who were dating, both living in UK, both originally themselves from different countries, different cultures, both a different colour of skin, planning to get married but had not told their parents that they were getting married. I remember one couple said to us, We're going, and I'm not going to use names, but we're going to so-and-so's house in a different country. And we're going to stay with her parents. And he said, we're excited because this will be the first time that I've met her parents. And the first time her parents have met me. And the first time they've seen me. It'll be so great. And I said, so hold on a second here. You're dating the daughter. You're engaged. You're planning to get married. And they've never met you. And they've never seen you. He said, no. I said, I didn't tell it to him. But I just said, you know what? This is going to go absolutely horrible. And I tell you this here. Whenever they come back, that was it. They both came back in bitterness. They both came back in anger. They both went their separate ways, and it was heartbreak. Listen, I could tell you of many, many more situations. And it's not good. It doesn't go down well. Therefore, you need to be honest and open with parents. Others' skin color is not an issue. It's more about the culture, how Do people live? Do they have a different way of dress, act, to think, their manners? What about when it comes to funerals, weddings? What about foods? Now again, to use another illustration to break off from what we're speaking about, there's a lady here, and you know who used to attend this church, years ago with her family. I will not say names for protective reasons, but you know she was from an Indian background. It's not Sue, by the way, but a different lady, and she had children. And they went through a very, very hard time, a difficult time. And so as a congregation, we helped them. I remember we brought them to our house to cook food for them because they were going through a hard time. We had put the food on the table with the plates. We had put the knives and forks on the table. But they felt uneasy. They felt awkward. Because in their culture, they eat on the ground. And they eat with their hands. And so they took the food off the table. They all sat on the ground. And they just eat with their hands. And they ate that way. And so I just make that point. We began to speak about different cultures. And it was amazing. Now, most men seem to be OK when they marry a lady. It's mostly concerning when it's the other way around. A lady is going to marry a man from a different culture. Because how are women treated in that culture by men? Do the women do all the cooking? Do they do all the cleaning? Do they look after all the children? Are they more of a servant than working together? Or the lady? Do they do all the cooking, all the cleaning? Are they more like a servant than working together? Do the men have a tendency to favor other women? Is that the type of culture? Do men hit or push around their wives? Are they controlling in that culture? Or they may be Christian, but do they follow the culture of the land in that way? And I've seen this before as well. There's a lot to consider. Ephesians chapter five, verse 17, Therefore be unwise, but understanding what the will of the Lord is. Let me remind you, Christian, in Christ you have a new culture. It's to become more like Christ, to have the mind as Christ, to do what Christ did, to please his father. There's nothing wrong with identifying with a native culture. But let me tell you this, when scripture exposes something in your culture, that is wrong. You better make sure your Bible, you follow your Bible and not your culture. In the area of marriage, if in a culture men mistreat their wives or physically abuse them, well scripture teaches men ought to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. If in the culture women will not honor their husbands but challenge his leadership, disgrace him, well scripture teaches wives submit yourselves unto your husband. Why? To recognize that God has given him a particular role and responsibility and accountability in leading the family. When I met Valentina We both lived in Puerto Rico. We both had all these differences. We were living in one country, but we were both from different countries. We came from different cultures. We came from, obviously, different color of skin and different types of food. And Valentina, she eats, she likes chicken feet. Maybe you like chicken feet as well. And all the rest. And you can buy a whole big bag of them here in Wathamstow Market. You can fry them, you can cook them. You can even use them for scratching your back. Has all the stuff on it as well. The nails in them and all the rest. But now you know why in my house I have to walk around with my shoes on all the time. But nonetheless, all those different types of food and things like that. Her dad lived in Dominican Republic, so Valentina's stepmom, he wasn't able to come, so Valentina's stepmom came over, flew over to check me out, to follow me around. You talk about undercover boss, it was undercover boyfriend, it was inspector. I went through, followed around and observed and everything because she would then give the report back to her dad. One day, her dad rang, and Valentina went down to the hallway to chat to her dad. And so her dad finally approved. Of course, I passed the test. I think he just wanted to make sure that he didn't have to deal with her again and someone actually wanted her. Shocked, but no, on that there. But he gave the approval and that was good. And after 19 years of marriage, we can say as Abraham's servant, I being in, or we being in the way, the Lord has led us. What I'm saying is there's a lot of things you need to discuss. a lot of things you need to talk about a lot of things you need to raise with your family but the key principle in it all is you must marry in the lord that's the key all the other things you can work out with your family you can work out with yourself the lord jesus came into this world to do the will of him that sent him he left heaven and came to earth it was a delight to do the father's will to be obedient on to death even the death of the cross to bring sinners to himself christ loved the church and gave himself for it and in response the church submits to christ to lives for christ to love christ and so that is the picture of the gospel marriage union in the lord I trust I've answered those questions that have been given to me. I hope so. Maybe other clarification you want after, please, you can ask me on those things. But young people or single people, whenever you plan to get married, do speak to your parents. Make sure they're happy. Like I said, it's not about permission, but it is about approval. You want to have families that are united, families that are in agreement. And I've used other illustrations in previous weeks. i trust the lord will bless the lord will protect and the lord will keep us safe at this time may the lord write his word