Let's do this. Let's go to our lesson, but before we do, let's go to the Lord in prayer. Father, thank You for this time together. Thank You for allowing us to be able to have this discussion and being able to, all of us being able to just talk freely. and discuss freely. I thank you for that kind of camaraderie, and I pray that you will bless our church and bless these men and their families. Bless them with wisdom. And Father, we pray for Your remnant. We pray for Your elect that are in other parts of the world that are going through intense suffering. And we pray for them. We pray that the Word will be able to get to them. We pray that refuge and safety will be able to come to them. We pray for you are the just judge, and so we pray that your justice will win out in all of these world conflicts that we see, and that you will be glorified in it. We pray that you will gear our minds to the lesson today, and pray that we can draw closer to you and be encouraged. We love you and give you praise in Jesus' name. Amen. All right, so we're entering our minds back to the matter at hand. We are talking about, we've been going through this book on the complete husband. I will admit to you, if I have not done so already, if I could go back and do it, I would have picked a different book. The book that I would have picked was called The Exemplary Husband, which I think is a ten times better book than this. I'm not saying this is a bad book, so they'll hear what I'm not saying. I'm not saying this is a bad book. I've just been reading that one, and I'm like, that one is so much better. However, that's not what we chose, and the Lord is sovereign over that as well. So, we have been, we got to chapter 10 the last time we met, and it was talking about sexual relations and marriage, and I did not get very far in my notes. Not far at all, I had some things prepared. And then as, you know, one of the thinking about it and meditating on it, not getting very far, I've almost come to the conclusion of this might be an area where we need to part just a little bit. And so I don't anticipate getting through these today. And so we'll have maybe a couple of weeks on this, this subject. So let me just quickly review a little bit of what I did get through. And then I'm gonna jump into probably what I've prepared for us to get to today. Hopefully I can get at least that far. I wrote a couple of these things down. The world wants you to believe that the best sex or sexual experiences to be had are whatever you or another consenting adult would desire to have. We stand out and say that God has declared that the most amazing, mind-blowing, beautiful, and God-glorifying sex that can ever be had is between a man and woman within the covenant of marriage. But here's the question. Is this happening? Is this taking place? because it should be. Sadly, more than a few Christians believe that sexual relations and marriage are dirty or taboo. They seem to have forgotten that God not only created sex, but did so in such a way as to make it one of the most pleasurable experiences of life. And we looked at Genesis 1.1, in the beginning, God. All right? And what does that theology right there in those few little words teach us about a theology of sex? Right? That's a weird sort of statement to say, a theology of sex. What does that teach us? God created it. God owns it. All right? A gospel-centered approach to sex that avoids the insanity surrounding culture must begin with looking at life through the window of the doctrine of creation. When Scripture declares that God created everything, He means He owns everything, and that includes you and your sexuality. So, we looked at also Genesis 2, 24 and 25, talking about that they were together. Adam said, this is the last bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh, and she shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And so that's talking about that sexual union there, there's Moses' commentary on this. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. And so I talked about this, there are two major barriers This is not the only barriers that exist, and if we could say good or great sex, it's not the only barriers, but the two major barriers, I think, are sexual abuse and sexual sin. Okay, and so we talked a little bit about this, about how abuse in one's past will hinder. All right, so sexual abuse, sexual abuse that happens in one's past can affect how one feels about their body and the sexual relationship. Talked about this in men and women. And the problem is that a lot of times when this happens, those who have experienced this, they don't even want to think about it. They want to act like it never happened. They want to erase it from their minds, which we should all be honest and understand that is not possible. That can't happen. And what ends up happening is it causes major issues in the sexual relationship, which can cause frustration on the other partner because they as well, maybe do not know about this. And so this can be a huge barrier. Sexual sin, and we talked about different areas of sexual sin, cheating, pornography, masturbation, withholding sexual relations from a partner. And yes, men, this is not as often, but men do that too. That's a sexual sin. And I say withholding, withholding because of some kind of heart motive that is jealous or wanting to get somebody back or something like that. That is sexual sin. I've heard somebody who's taught on this subject one time get up in front of a church and say, let's just go ahead and admit we are all sexual sinners. It's like, that puts everybody in the same playing field. Because when you start talking about this, you're like, okay, who's the person that has that problem? It's like, you know, let's just put it all, everybody on the same level playing field. We're all sexual sinners. Either every single person has either had a lustful thought or has used sex with their spouse in a sinful way. And so, therefore, we can understand that we all are level, everything is level at the foot of the cross when it comes to this subject as well. The way in which you participate in sex always reveals the true spirituality of your heart. All right, so this gets to where I left off last time. If we don't have any... Questions or comments? Present moment. Okay. All right. So I'm going to erase this. This is getting to where I had mentioned this, but this is what I want to sort of begin today and get through at least the first one. I believe whenever you think about the sexual relationship or your sexual relationship or your sexual understanding, I believe that each person, it's correlated in sort of a three three-tier aspect, okay? I think you have the biblical aspect of your sexual life, you have the relational aspect, and you have the physical aspect, okay? Part of the problem is most people approach this area of their life only thinking of this aspect. and they are completely neglecting these two. And so, I will see how far I get, but I wanna start with talking about the biblical aspect, because I think that it's important for us to have, I've mentioned this already, but a theology of sex. You have to have a grounded biblical view of the subject. So what is your theology of sex? Your sexual life is always an expression of what you truly worship. Yeah, knocked him out of his chair. Your sexual life is always an expression of what you truly worship. In sex, you are either self-consciously submitting to God or setting yourself up as God. Think about that for a second. As it approaches this subject of sex, you're either consciously submitting to God or setting yourself up as God. Is that true? Or I guess I could say this, how is that true? Yeah, very 100% on both classes. So I'll say this in addressing the first one, all right? Has God given clear guidelines, barriers for sex? You know, the world wants to eliminate all of those, right? The world wants to rebel against that 100%. Right. So whenever we are doing this, whenever we are saying, all right, I know what God's barrier is, and I am ignoring that because I want what I want, what are we doing? We're setting ourselves up in that moment as, no, I want to be God. because I don't want your barrier. I don't want you, what you said is best for this. I don't want that. I want what I want. And so therefore I'm setting myself up as God, not submitting myself to the God who established this. All right. Yeah, this is what God said that I could do better. I could do better. Yeah. All right. So, I mean, you have...I mean, we can think of different scenarios in this, where what do we do? We get to justification in our minds of why this is okay, because we use the need language. I need this. I'm not getting this. And so that justification, because we've elevated the desire to the point of a need, we now justify ourselves to then be God in our lives and sin. Okay? And so we have to be very careful with that because it happens a lot in this area of sex. Paul Tripp says, since sexual problems arise from the heart, it's important to make some biblical observations about the heart. So I wanna read these biblical observations he made. You need to know what the Bible is talking about when it talks about the heart. So what is the Bible speaking of when it speaks about the heart? I preached on this two years ago, but some of you may not have been there, but what is the Bible talking about when it talks about the heart? The central place of desire, so we'll say it that way. All right, what else was the Bible talking about when it talks about the heart? I think you guys did just a great job. You pretty much hit the three-pronged definition right there, because what happens is a lot of people think of the word of heart, and they go straight to this area of emotion, the center place of our emotions. But really, whenever you encompass a word study about the heart through the Bible, it's talking about the desire, will, and affections. It is really a central place, what we think even of the mind. It is the control center of the life. I remember reading a book, Again, I wouldn't even recommend this book, but it was influential in my life at the time and helped me sort of understand a lot of things. But the guy used the illustration at the very beginning talking about the ordering of your private world. And he used the illustration of a Navy commander or captain of a submarine who goes down to his quarters, and after a long day, he's getting ready to go to bed, and he feels this jarring shake that almost puts him out of his bed. And so immediately he puts his shoes back on, puts his jacket back on, he heads to the bridge. And he goes to the bridge to check on what's wrong. Why? Because down in his quarters, he felt something that didn't seem right. So whenever that happened, he knew exactly where to go to, to check on what actually is wrong. And this is what he was saying, he says, the Bible paints the picture of The bridge of our lives is our heart. And when something is not right, where do we need to go? We need to put our shoes on, we need to put our jacket on, we need to go to our heart and examine what's going on there. All right, so you need to understand what the Bible speaks about the heart. You need to understand that the heart is always functioning under the rule of something. The heart is always wanting a master. And so the question is, is that master God, or is that master some other idol that we've erected? And could it be sexual pleasure? You need to realize that what controls your heart will direct your behavior. What controls your heart will direct your behavior. You need to realize that on this side of eternity, your heart is susceptible, your heart is fickle, and it is deceptive. Heart is deceitful above all else, who can know it? You need to face the fact that your body will wander where your heart has already gone. Your body will wander where your heart has already gone. You need to confess that your behavior always reveals more about you than your situation, location, or relationships. I've been talking to some people about this. I think it was a family member the other day, and I was explaining to him the problem with the secular model that he was going to, and that another relative was going to, is they want to say that all of the problems that they're facing are outside of them. Like, the problem, the reason why you have this addiction is because it's outside of you. It's about these things that happen to you. They never want to address the issue of the heart. That's the reason, like, let's make life great. Let's remove, if we could, with a magical wand, let's remove all of the hardship, all of the things, all of the past bad memories, all of that. Would you still run to the problem that you have? Yes, because your heart is where it lies. That's the problem where it needs to start getting attacked first. You need to confess that your behavior always reveals more about you than about your situation, location, and or relationship. So with that, pleasure And I mean, do I need to go around the room and ask, is sex pleasurable? You know, I think that's like, yeah, I think that's an understanding. It's a pleasurable act. So pleasure is God glorifying. I get it right? Is that another why? All right, that don't look right. That don't look right. What is it? Yeah, all right, that's right. God glorifying. Pleasure is God glorifying. I did not write it down, but there is a passage in 1 Timothy. where he says that he gave us all things richly to enjoy. He gave us things to enjoy. Now, here's what we shouldn't do with this kind of truth. We don't run to it and say that life is about pleasure. Because God is glorified in our pleasure, it doesn't mean that we make life all about pleasure. That's hedonism, right? That's hedonistic. Hedonism is all about, like, self-gratification all the time. It's the pursuit of self-gratification. Because in that, we could remove this word also and say, suffering is God glorifying. Right? And the two are not counter to each other. It's understanding that they're all parts of life, right? There are times in life where it's just the way it is, and God can be glorified in it. You're not really getting any pleasure out of it. It's just, it's not really suffering. It's just life. But then there are elements of life where it is pleasurable, and that should be God glorifying too. So what makes the difference? What makes the difference between just experiencing pleasure and pleasure that is glorifying to God? or the anchoring of our heart. Where's our heart in the matter? So if your heart and the matter is in the place of glorifying God, that whenever you experience that pleasure, that pleasure, you're glorifying God in that. You know, it's sort of like somebody who just says, I just don't understand sports. I don't understand how somebody could waste their time watching a three hour sport game. And I'm sitting there saying, That's pleasure, I enjoy it. You gotta go. Okay. Well, we're recording it and we're editing out the banter, so nobody can be embarrassed. Yes, sir, go ahead. You too. But it's where we anchor our heart. Okay, so where is our heart in the matter? And this is like, it's always something that we're working on. It's a battle, it is a fight. This is part of the sanctification process while we are not glorified yet, okay? So pleasure exists as a sign of the one in whose arms I will enjoy the only pleasure that can satisfy and give rest to my heart. Pleasure exists to put God in my face and remind me that I was made for Him. All right, so this is, that was, I guess we'd call that a number one. Pleasure demands boundaries. Now, I heard somebody say this one time, and I never really thought of it like this, but said, all of God's restrictions make sense. They just, their common sense is really what it is. I mean, it's like when God says, don't do something, he's, it's for your good, it makes. Yeah, so let's think about this. Why, why does pleasure demand boundaries? What about an example of when pleasure doesn't have boundaries? Well, let's be more specific, all right? Let's try not to be gross here. What about sexual pleasure that does not have boundaries? Pedophilia? Pleasure without boundaries. I know it's gross to us, and we even, with this one, we'd be like, how is that pleasurable? Well, when you talk to somebody who's engaged in that, and they would even say, like in our day and age, identify as that, and you ask them, is that really pleasurable? They're gonna say yes. Yes, all right? uh we can and we can go down the line and get worse and worse and worse and in the bible there's a reason why in the old testament he was like bestiality all of these things because this was pleasure out of control and what does that signify what does that point to pleasure with no boundaries points to a a heart that is out of control. In doing some, years ago, doing some training on domestic abuse, one of the guy that did it, he worked in the prisons, he worked in the jail system at his county with abusers, with men. And so he had to do a lot of secular training on these things, and he said, one of the things that you find out is that the largest demographic that has domestic abuse calls is homosexual couples. Like, it is astronomical. They said, but that makes sense, does it not? They've been turned over to whatever. Well, their pleasures, yeah, their desires have completely given away. And so whenever your desires are given away, then you're going to have somebody that just like, I want what I want, and you're going to be domineering and controlling. Your desires are so strong that you overthrow God. Yeah, and you end up becoming a controlling, abusive person. And so, it makes sense. So, pleasure demands boundaries. Boundless pleasure is a deception. I thought that was an insightful statement from Tripp. Boundless pleasure is a deception. By God's design, it doesn't exist, and if it did, it could never work. Only when your heart is mastered by the one who created all pleasures that so easily addict and your world of pleasure be protected so that you live in balance. I'm gonna read that again. Only when your heart is mastered by the one who created all the pleasures that so easily addict, can your world of pleasure be protected so that you live in balance. So before I move from this first tier of the biblical aspect of your sexuality or your sex life, I want to give you some positive things. So, understanding this, sex is connected, all right, to, and this is, I think, more on the theological realm, the theology of sex, that we need to think about. Sex is connected to, maybe I should put that. God's existence. We do not have sex outside of the existence of God. So God is there. We are not hiding anything from God. Sex is connected to God's glory. All right, so what does God receive glory from? The one word I was looking for is obedience. God receives glory from our obedience. All right, so if you are, and I'm talking to married men, if you are married with your spouse engaging in sex, can we say that God is glorified by that? To a degree, yes. All right, now God is ultimately glorified if that is even, we could even, we may need to go a little bit further with that, but God is ultimately glorified when that union between a husband and wife, covenant marriage, all right, is happening in mutual satisfaction. Right? So we could say, to a degree, God is glorified when a husband and wife engage in sexual union. But, I mean, we could, again, venture down the realm of sinfulness and see that, yeah, there's many a husband and wife that have engaged in sexual union, and it's been abusive, right? And God's not glorified in that, just because it's a husband and wife together. So God is glorified whenever it is being done according to His revealed will, in obedience to His revealed will. So they're together, but they're together and mutual satisfaction, okay? Sex is connected to God's purposes. It might be a little bit more difficult. What is God's purposes in your sex life? It's very quiverful. Well, procreation is a reason for the creation of sex, but it's only one reason. It's not all of it. Yeah. Well, we could even go back to the word that we were using earlier. Is one of God's purposes pleasure? God created something pleasurable. Would He be glorified and His purpose revealed if we were using it for how He designed it? Yes! How cool is that? And there's actually, there's a book on my, there's a book on my get list that part of my research in this subject, it's called When Sex Hurts, and it's actually completely written by doctors. So it's not like a worldview type of thing. Of course, it's always gonna come through. But here's the deal, that'll get a little bit more into, we gotta set up a theology first before we get to the relational. And we get to the physical, because there can be like a ton of reasons why that might not be the case. And there can be solutions for that. There is. All right, so purposes. All right, sex is connected to God's revelation. We've been sort of hitting around that already. You know, what did God reveal to us in his word about this? All right? Sex is connected to God's eternity. Sex is connected to God's eternity. What is the theme in all of these? Yeah, God. And part of the theology and establishing a good, healthy theology of sex is understanding that it is not apart from God. And so therefore, number one, we know this, that done under God's revelation and His purposes and for His glory, it's not dirty. All right, so that is as far as I was gonna go today. We're gonna talk about the relational aspect next time, and maybe we'll get into the physical aspect, but the relational aspect next time. Anybody have any questions before we pray? Comments? I agree. This is why this is...I mean, you cannot get into the relational and the other components of this subject without having a biblical worldview about it. And I think that that's been...if I can echo your frustration, when you look at resources on this subject, especially for couples or men or even women, they don't start here. They don't start with a theology. They don't even talk about it. They go right into, you know, how's your relationship with your spouse? You know, have you set a crossword with them? And then they go into technique. And it's like, listen, I am a beneficiary of all of that, big time, all right? But this must be the center or else even those good things can be elevated to a point that it should not be as the answer, as the thing that you praise, all right? I would say, you say can be, I would say it's the way to. Yeah, it's the way to be able to do this is starting with a recognition, a realization, a cognitive understanding of who God is and what God deserves. God deserves your praise. He deserves being glorified in your physical body.