Well, from time to time, I begin preaching with this statement. I have nothing good to say to you this morning. I was asked to preach on the idea of singleness this morning. I haven't been single for 25 years. But it just illustrates the fact that no matter when I preach, no matter how competent I feel in my own mastery of a task or a text or an assignment, I really have nothing good to say to you this morning. And if we didn't have the word of God, we'd just all be bankrupt, wouldn't we? And I have a robust subject matter. The Bible claims to be not a book of questions, but a book of answers. And it claims to equip us for everything that we need for life and godliness. That means if you're not sure what the Bible says about a particular topic, you just haven't looked hard enough yet. Because the Bible has a lot to say about all things that pertain to life and godliness. Well, this morning in our series on marriage morality, and really appropriate again this morning, the theme verse, not even a hint. The Bible says that we should not even have a hint of sexual immorality in our Christian culture. I've been asked to preach on the idea of Christian singleness. And so, like normal, when given an assignment, you sit down with a white sheet of paper, and this happened, I just testified to you of the richness of God's word. You just start with a blank sheet of paper and feeling very inadequate. And you just start reading God's word, and reading God's word, and reading God's word. And I just promise you I always end up here. I probably have three sermons. I probably have three for you. and maybe eight, so buckle up, listen closely, and you listen fast, as I like to say, and I'll talk fast, and hopefully some value will come for this this morning. And oh, by the way, doesn't it encourage your faith to see people testify of the Lord Jesus in baptism? I said to Luther, I know he had to run to work, I hugged him, and you tell him this, too, because it's true, it doesn't matter. He encouraged my faith this morning. Even in a simple testimony, he's, I'm nervous, and I'm not sure how to say this, and it doesn't matter. My brother, you just washed my heart with the simplicity and purity of the devotion of Christ. And we ought all to be mindful of that. All right, well, what's our need this morning? We'll get started. I wrote it out plainly here. We need to remember something today. Whether we're single or married, whether you're single or married, you are eternally relevant to God. very relational to God. And furthermore, there are advantages and disadvantages to both. And that's what I wanna talk about this morning. In fact, it's very interesting, who's single? Who's single? Well, as any number of people here in the room, certainly there are young singles, right? 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, you know, maybe still in college. Then there are a distinction from that, not just young singles, but there are never married singles. People who are a little older who have never chosen to get married or God's never led them to be married. There are divorced people who are singled and there are widows who are singled. Now you try to, that's a pretty diverse crowd isn't it? And that blank sheet of paper got a little intimidating to me as I thought about That's a wide variety of people that I want to talk to this morning. But can I say something to you this morning about singleness? There's married singles, and I'm going to tie this up at the end, hopefully, if we have enough time. But boy, singleness is just a state. No different than married is a state. And you might say, I don't have the gift of being single, or some people feel like they need to be together with someone. Some people were made to be married, some people made to be single. I'm sure there's some truth to that. But even you, who are married today, could be widowed tomorrow. Happened on the east side of Indianapolis this week, didn't it? The Byers family. Could be widowed tomorrow. Would God be enough? Some of you might say, let me put it in a different context. I'm not an evangelist. I wasn't called to be an evangelist. I'm not a missionary. Yeah, but you were instructed and commanded by the Lord to share your faith when you have opportunity, right? So even though you might not have this great gift of evangelism, you're still supposed to evangelize when you have opportunities, right? I understand that. So what I'm saying, in some way, you all have the role, right? Even though you may not be as gifted at public speaking apologetics as Pastor Brian. And some of you may say, I would never get up there and teach like Pastor Trey or Pastor Brian or Pastor Rob. I'm not a teacher. But I would submit to you that, yes, you do teach. By example, and certainly with young kids, I mean, I would have been a very bad dad if I hadn't discouraged my 18-month-old son from crawling up to the wall outlet and trying to suck on it, right? No, I'm going to teach him something. We all teach a little bit, right? And though you may not have the gift of teaching, you are asked to teach, right? Well, at certain times in your life, you may be asked to fulfill the role of being single. You may have the role of being married, but those are roles. Those are stations of life. Those are not fundamentally you. So if I could split hairs there just to help you understand how I'm thinking about this. Turn to 1 Corinthians chapter seven. Let's dive in. I'll tell you where we're going and what we're gonna do. And I need to give some credit here. I'm excerpting a sermon from Dr. John MacArthur, and I'm gonna go pretty fast here. My second point here, well, my first point, I guess. Point one's always introduction. My first point to you here this morning, the five advantages of being single. I'm gonna be excerpting a sermon from Dr. John MacArthur from Grace Community Church in California. If you go to Google, if you can find Google, and you can find John MacArthur, Blessings of Singleness, you could read the whole sermon if it interests you. It was very helpful to me in my preparation, and I just thought it's a great exposition, the exegesis and homiletics of 1 Corinthians 7, 25 to 40 were very helpful to me in my preparation, so I'm just gonna excerpt that. So we're gonna talk about five blessings of being single. Now this is kinda hard for me. I was joking with my friend Jeremy Slate the other day, because our wives have been really busy, and they've been, this past week I had, this weekend I've been to two college basketball games, three high school games, have had three play performances of Hello Dolly and one sermon. Okay, that's Thursday to Sunday. And my wife's been more fragmented than me. We've been to Greenwood, to Noblesville, to Goshen, and to Mishawaka, and back home. And Jeremy and I were laughing, and I said, you know, it was a wrong week. And Lori and I have not bumped along at all. It's been a very pleasant week. It's been great, but we haven't been together that much. I said, it might have been a bad week for me to be studying the advantages of being single. Okay, so I don't mean to say in any way that we had, we could have had trouble, but we didn't. I'm just saying that, you know, there's advantages to being single. I don't mean to disparage marriage in any way while I teach this. Everyone understand that? I'm married to my best friend. It's going to come out in my preaching a little bit, almost 25 years, June 1st. And, um, I wouldn't trade it. I'm not much of a country music fan, but my kids introduced me to this song. If I'd never met a woman like you, Some of you, oh, I see the smiles and nods. It's a cute little song, and I love the song, and it is, it does really, I feel the same way. I wouldn't trade a single, I wouldn't, a single day of being single for, you know, or being married for the whole life of being single. And anyway, it's a cute song, and you can listen to it, and then don't listen to any more country music, because it's bad for you. Okay, all right. So, we're going to talk about, real quickly, five blessings of being single. And then I want to talk about Christian singles and the importance of sexual purity. And then I want to talk about Christian singles and the process of finding a husband or wife. Because the truth is, under God's economy, most people get married. And in our economy of America, this whole minority and all of this stuff, it seems like that everyone needs to think that because there's a smaller group of people relative to a bigger group of people, that people have to marginalize or not value or they're less important. I don't fundamentally think that has to be true. It can be true, but it doesn't have to be true. God just ordained, I mean, can you imagine? I mean, how would we have the propagation of the race if most people didn't get married? Just fundamentally, right? Most people are gonna get married, but some are not, and that is not wrong or bad. But I'm gonna include that in my message just because most people who are single are thinking about getting married, or at least getting into a relationship. All right. So, you know, singles not being a new dilemma, it's a relatively old dilemma. John MacArthur found a couple of poems here from the late 1800s that I thought were very, very cute. And by way of introduction, a gentleman wrote this poem of all the girls that I ever knew. I never saw one I thought would do. I wanted a wife that was nice and neat, up to date, had small feet. I wanted a wife loving and kind that hadn't too much of an independent mind. Good luck. I wanted a wife that could cook and sew and wasn't eternally on the go. Good luck. I wanted a wife that was strikingly beautiful, intelligent, rich, and exceedingly dutiful. That isn't so much to demand in a wife. But she's still not found, though I have looked all my life. So he's still single. and one from a young lady. The only reason why I've never wed is as clear as day, and easily said. Two lovers I had who'd made me a bride, but the trouble was just I couldn't decide. Whenever John came, I was sure it was he that I cared for most. But with Charlie by me, my hands clasped in his, and his eyes fixed on mine, was as easy as could be to say, I'll be thine. Now tell me, what was a poor maiden to do, who couldn't save, make her choice between two? I dillied and dallied and couldn't decide. Until Johnny got married and Charlie, he died. And that is the reason why I've never wed, for how could I help it, as everyone said, when Johnny was married and Charlie was dead. Fair warning, ladies, the struggles of being single, going about, not claiming a blessing. What does the Bible have to say about being single? How do we understand singleness? The unique design of God for some people, while we're all aware that God has designed marriage for procreation, for relationship. In fact, in Genesis 2.18, as I preached when I opened this sermon series, that God said, it is not good for the man to be alone. I'm gonna make a helper for him. I'm gonna make a helper suitable. God gave us marriage to defeat loneliness, but what about singleness? And marriage is the only relationship Listen closely. Marriage is the only relationship in which sexual intimacy is to take place. It is God's design. It is God's gift. And so marriage is important. But God has designed that at some stages of people's lives and at different times, and even in the Bible, it seems that Paul refers to the gift of singleness. So some people have been wired to be single. And so we'll look at this just for a moment. Now, Paul tells us he's single, and he's single with a great blessing to the wit. And he, in fact, says that he wishes that he could tell the unmarried, those who've never been divorced, who are differentiated from the betrothed, those who have never married, that Paul wishes in some ways that they could all be single like him. And that's interesting. And I, as a very happily married man, I go... But this is what Paul says. All right, now Paul doesn't say that singleness is incompleteness. He is, well, I don't wanna get in. I'm trying to excerpt a message here, so you're gonna have to bear with me here. All right, what do I wanna say? I wanna give you five reasons why it's good to be single. And some of you are in the condition of singleness. Though you're positive, you don't have the gift, right? Some of you are single and you're going, I don't want to be single. You're not married. You don't like it. Maybe you're divorced. You don't like it. You're widowed. You don't like it. You really need a partner. That's the way you feel. Tom MacArthur says, nevertheless, in the current state in which you're in, you must understand the benefits that come to you if only for the short term. In fact, the main point of his message here has a lot to do with contentment. Isn't that interesting? Philippians chapter 4, Paul wrote, I know what it is to have a lot. I know what it is to have very little. I know what it is to have great prosperity. I know what it is to be in want. And then he says, I've kind of figured out the secret of being content in any and every circumstance. Well, that would be a great thing, wouldn't it? Anyone here enjoy discontent? It's not a very fun emotion to be exhibiting, right? Well, that's the context that he gives us in Philippians 4. That's the context in which Philippians 4.13 pops out. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Jesus can make us content in every circumstance. In fact, the prevailing theme through these five blessings I'm gonna share here now is that Christ can make you content. The absence of Christ will leave you discontent as a single. The absence of Christ in your life will leave you discontent if you're married. It's the same for all. All right, so keep saying here, we're gonna get to the text and here we go. All right, benefit number one, Philippians, or sorry, 1 Corinthians chapter seven, verse 25. Now concerning betrothed, these are the young, never married, somewhere between 14 maybe in our culture, 29-ish, somewhere in there, people who have never gotten married. He says, I have no command of the Lord, but I give an opinion as one who by the mercy of the Lord is trustworthy. Now I'll just stop here for a minute, because people are going to freak out and say, wait a minute, how in the Bible can Paul say, this isn't a command from the Lord, but I'm giving you my opinion. And what he means to say here, and it's very clear as you look at it, is that Jesus never really spoke about singleness. This command, he's not quoting Jesus. Before in the text, later in the text, he quotes Jesus. Everyone understand that? But now he says, I'm not quoting Jesus, I'm giving you my opinion on this. As he writes this under the Holy Spirit's inspiration, what happens to his opinion? It becomes the word of God. And so this is the way the Bible says in 1 Peter 1, that no matter of prophecy was ever given by human inspiration, but holy men of God were carried along by the Holy Spirit as they wrote the scripture. It was kind of a funny way that he words this. In fact, later in the text, at the very end, when he speaks of this way again, he almost sarcastically says, man, I'm pretty sure I have the Spirit of God. And it's just kind of funny how he says it at the end. We'll get to that in a minute. All right, so he says, I think then that it's good in view of the present distress, the present system, that it's good for a man to remain as he is. So benefit number one is what John MacArthur says, the pressure of the world system. It's okay to be single. In view of the present distress, the term here means violence, it speaks of tremendous difficulty, tension that exists between the new creation and this fallen world we live in. In other words, it is just the difficulty of life, the present distress that comes against God's people. If you're married and distress comes in life, you have other people to care for. Can you imagine being in, I mean it's tough, this is hard for me to preach as a very, very happily married man, but I have pressures in life. I have stuff I have to do. Can I tell you that the presence of a wife and eight children complicate my life? My life, and I don't mean that in any disparaging or and my family sitting right over there and they're going, dad wishes he just wants to dropkick us out of the house. No, that's not what I'm saying, but the fact of the matter is just to compare and contrast one from the other is that the things you have to deal with in life that come at you, the pressures of the world system in some ways are more easily handled if you're single. Yes? just more easily handled if you're single. And by the way, we understand here that persecution Paul knew that he was facing. Imagine here the implications of having a loving wife and loving children as the days of persecution escalate. Persecution will extend to the whole family. The suffering is profound. What happened in Paris the other day, And then I just happened to be watching Fox News and Geraldo Rivera came on. Is that his name? Geraldo Rivera, I think. And his daughter was, does anyone see that? His daughter is in Paris during the time she was at one of the events and he voyeured my message for me. Here he is like, oh my gosh, what's happening to my daughter? It's just painful and it's pressure filled. If you are single, that's just an advantage. It's not right or wrong. Does everyone see what I mean by that? Because I tell you what, there are some advantages to being married. I'm just gonna keep disclaiming this for all us married men here, okay? Everyone remember the message I, okay, I'm gonna stop disclaiming it. Does everyone remember the message I preached like two months ago about how much I love my marriage and how God designed that and everything? It's the most wonderful thing. But that is something that's very, very important. Paul is saying there's a benefit in a time of distress, a time of violence, a time of persecution, a time of pressure. There is a benefit to having no wife and no children so that you don't live in constant fear for their lives. Hard times were coming, Paul knew it, listen to this, it would be within 15 years from the writing of this letter that the first general persecution by Nero, remember him, would be exhibited and it would break out against the Christians. Within 15 years, Erastus, that's the Chamberlain, the city official, he was a Christian, he would be executed and perish in this and we know that the distress did indeed come right into the city of Corinth and many of the Christians were persecuted and it would have been a lot easier for all of those people if they had not had wives and kids. But you don't know when that's going to happen, how that's going to happen. And Paul knows that, and he says, and I don't want to be misunderstood, Paul probably says, so in verse 27 he says, hey, are you bound to a wife? Don't seek to be released. Some of you are going to say, well, I hear what Paul says. This is better. I'm done. No, no, no, no, no, no. If you're married, you're married. If you're single, you're single. He said, stay in the state you're in. If you're already released from a wife, don't seek a wife. He says, I just want you to understand that singleness is not bad. It can be good when you think about the distress that's gonna come against you. I believe, and this is my sanctified, now I can't say that this is gospel, I'm not speaking under the superintention of the Holy Spirit, but tell me if you think this makes sense. And I could be wrong, this is conjecture. But at a time when we are reaching closer to the end times, do you think it's possible that God would give more people the gift of singleness as they reach and enter that time? And do you think during the tribulation, those who are redeemed, do you think that they may be more careful and selective about whether they marry or not? This teaching become different and more applicable to people at different times of the seasons of life? Yeah. Now, do I know we're right on the cusp of the end times? Could we have seasons of revival and those sorts of things? Of course we could. I'm simply trying to help you illustrate and see that as you enter those periods, I believe in God's providence, it's very likely that he could give people, more people, the gift of singleness for this reason. That's conjecture on my part, I don't know. Alright, we gotta move. So, number two. Number one, the pressure of the system here can be an advantage of singleness. Number two, I can't believe I'm going to say this. It's John MacArthur's fault. Verse 28, but if you should marry, you haven't sinned. And if a betrothed should marry, she hasn't sinned. But you will have trouble in this life, and I'm trying to spare you. Now, you say that sounds very, very similar, but no, it's a little different. And the second reason is not just the pressure from the outside, but the second is the problem of the flesh. And this word here that we find here is subtle in the text, but it's the word sarx. Everyone remember Romans when Pastor Brian preached about the fleshiness that we all have in us, the sinful person that's in us? I'm going to give you guys a little secret here that most of you probably don't know. I'm sinful. Okay, that probably didn't come as much of a surprise. Let me give you a really, really big secret, all right? One you probably won't believe. Don't repeat it, ready? Glory is sinful. It's tough enough, who by a show of hands would say it's tough enough to live a holy Christian life by yourself? You are sinful. The Bible says that you have turned from God, forsaken Him. Can I tell you an advantage of being single? You don't gotta live with other sinners. And I'm telling you, that's no slam dunk, because it's hard enough to live a holy life all by myself. I have the pressures of the world, the pressures of the flesh, the world system just attacking me and tempting me to lust and sin, and then, This is one you all already know. My kids are sinful. Sorry, that was a cheap shot. And so here you put all these sinners living in close proximity, and that's what Paul's referring to here. He says, the word for trouble here is solipsis, and it means pressure to be squeezed. It's like the pressing of the grapes to produce juice. And what you've got in marriage is two sinners pressed together. And in that kind of intimacy, where you know there are no perfect people, you know what that's a recipe for? Trouble. Trouble that wouldn't be there if you weren't married. Marriage is pressing two centers together. Sometimes, tell me if this describes your life, sometimes there's anger, there's selfishness, childishness, Stupidity, that's mine, that's not yours, and the horrible sin that husbands commit like forgetfulness, dishonesty, deception, pride, thoughtlessness, overindulgence, self-centeredness. That's your own life, and you press some people together. It's tough, it's tough. You don't have to deal with extra sinners. Now listen to this, this is a great quote. I would suggest to you with no fear of contradiction, that the most miserable people in the world are not single. The most miserable people in the world are married. That doesn't mean that all married people are miserable. He says he's not, I'm not, he's thrilled, he's happy, but I'll tell you the potential for misery in marriage is greater than the potential for misery being single, because when you're single, there's only one person you can make miserable. It's just a great quote. And as he said this, and I don't know who said it first, but this is great. The only thing worse than being single, wishing you were married. Being married, wishing you were single. Then you add these little sinners into the mix called children, and you crush them right into the mix. And now, again, another great quote here. I think of that as a father, and I resonated with this so much. I not only have to deal with sin and temptation in my life, I have to shepherd my wife, all my children, all my little sinning grandchildren, he says. And I'm telling you, when they're all together, parents, children, all the sinners in one place, he says it's a ministerial monstrosity. You can just ask anybody who's married if they ever had trouble, and they will, if they're honest, tell you, of course, it's part of married life. So that's an advantage of being single. Now, I tell you again, I would not trade mine, and it's great, and I love it, and I'm gonna talk about that in a minute. I gotta keep going. All right, number three. And I may skip a couple of these points, because you can go look at this message, but I want to talk about this. Verse 29, so good, it's a gospel opportunity to talk about. He says, I say this, brothers, the time has been shortened, so from now on those who have wives should be as though they have none. And he continues on through this, and let me just find my thought here. He talks about, Verse 32, but I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But the one who is married is concerned about the things of the world, how he may please his wife. Listen, can I tell you something? One of the reasons that it's better to be single than to be married is you have the opportunity to focus on only eternal things. Do you know what's passing away? This world. And the text here says that it is my responsibility, not only to care about eternal things, but because I have chosen to marry, I have the responsibility to care for my wife, and for the things of this world, and rightfully so, and for my children, and for my grandchildren. I have responsibility, and those things have eternal significance and relevance, but in the sense of marriage, Jesus said, hey, you know what? In heaven, I am excess baggage for Lori. She's got Jesus, and I'm pretty sure he can do a great job loving her. She doesn't need me. She's gonna know me. But there's no marriage in heaven. People are not given in marriage. That's why God forever has pictured even with Israel, he was the bridegroom, she was the bride, he is the bride, we are the bride of Christ. And some of the things that I am pouring my life into here don't have eternal relevance. They're responsible, they're good rent checks and all the different things, but the esteem I give, but my goodness, I am unnecessary to glory and glory. because Jesus is a fierce lover. It is profound. This is temporary. And I want to move to what I want to talk about even more deeply, so you guys can pick up the last, I'll give you the points, but if you Google that, you can find it. If you're not online, just find me. I'll get you a copy of it, the rest of the sermon. If I don't get to the other two, I won't. I'll give you the points in a minute. But what flows out of that, and it's the fifth point, I believe. Yep. No, fourth is the preoccupation of being married. You know, if you're single here, let me tell you something. You got a great gift. You got a great gift. You can give your entire heart to serving Jesus. What are you doing with your time? What are you doing with your affections? Be content in the state you're in and develop the character that allows you to pour your life into eternal relevance. The Bible says don't just store up treasures down here on earth where moth corrupts and thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven. What a great time. What a great time. If you are a young person, a never married, divorced, widowed, and God has called you at this moment during this time and has not revealed his partner to you, you have that unique opportunity. Can I tell you in some ways I'm jealous? Isn't it fun to serve the Lord? Isn't it meaningful to serve the Lord? Just not much better. Just not much better. All right. Well, just real quick here. I'm going to go through this. It was the pressures of the world system. It's easier to just fend for yourself. The problems of the sinful flesh. You don't have to live with extra sinners. Okay. These are your five benefits. Number three, the passing of the world. Marriage has zero relevance to eternity. If you're single today, guess what? In the grand scheme of things, you know what you're missing out on? Nothing. eternally. I know that makes some of us who are married kind of like, hey, wait a minute. If that causes you married people to say, hey, wait a minute, then you need to wash yourself with the truth of what a great lover Jesus is. Okay. Because in heaven, I will know my wife wonderfully and my children wonderfully if they are there, but I will know you too. And we will be the bride of Christ. Isn't that cool? Marriage singles has zero relevance to eternal. Do your worth in the face of God, it means nothing. And that has implications in a minute. Because I think when you believe that it has something to do with it, it drives you to want something more, as though you're missing out. And boy, that's not the case. There's no second class citizenship, so to speak, with singleness. Number four, the preoccupation of being married. Singles can serve limitlessly. And then number five, hey, guess what? Marriage is permanent. You ever get a five-year car loan and glad when it's done? Right? You ever get a 30-year mortgage, glad when it's done? There's no coupon book in your marriage, friends. When you sign on the line, God says, till death do us part. If you're single, you haven't signed on the line yet. I don't mean that it's a bad thing to sign on. I am thrilled I signed on, okay? Everyone understand that? I'm just splitting hairs here. Advantage of being single. If you haven't signed, you are free. You are unencumbered. You can still choose someone. I didn't say you couldn't get married. I just said you're free. You have not signed on. And I encourage you to take a look at those texts. All right, turn over Song of Solomon, chapter eight. It's so cool. Thank you, Debbie, for leading in our scripture reading here. And so in this text, this wonderful book, the Song of Solomon, one of the five wisdom books, the Book of Psalms gives us wisdom about God, and the Book of Proverbs tells us wisdom about skillful living in life, and Ecclesiastes tells us wisdom about the meaning of life, and Job gives us wisdom about what happens when we suffer, and God gave us the Song of Solomon, a whole book to help us understand how men and women are supposed to relate to one another in marital love. And through this whole book, we've seen Solomon and his bride. Chapter 1, they attract one to another. In chapter 2, they do some courtship. Toward the end of chapter 3 and chapter 4, they get married. End of chapter 5 and 6, they have a fight. And so that's no surprise, right, that they relate a disagreement and how they resolve it. Chapter 7, their marriage deepens. In chapter 8, they grow old together. The art of faithfulness. And God is exalted, as we learned when I preached seven weeks ago, or whatever it was, that love is the very flame of Yahweh. God Himself. And that's why, you know, if you're single here, it doesn't matter. Everyone should learn there's a reason we all resonate with love stories. There's a reason we love the love stories. God is the best lover. In fact, if you think that you're right, and I love what Tommy Nelson says about this, we think, especially guys, we think we're such great lovers. We are cold fish compared to God. Our righteousness will never aspire to the righteousness that God commands of us in the book of Romans. Our freedom in Christ will never quite rival what Galatians teaches. Our unity in Christ will never quite rival the book of Ephesians. And I promise you our love and the way we love people will never ever rival the love of God, will it, in this life? We have so much to learn, so much to learn. Well, in the face of all of that, there's been some different voyeurs, and they speak during the book. There's the daughters of Jerusalem, and there's the brothers of this girl. And in verse eight, these brothers speak. Having watched this wonderful experience, this is great. And then they go, oh yeah, her stepsister. We, and they ask the question, that all men in authority ask and are curious about. What am I going to do when some schlep shows up on my front door and says, hey, I like your daughter? Right, Paul? What are we going to do? How do you know? See, they say, we have a little sister. She has no breasts. 13, 14, we have this young sister. I mean, literally, she's not quite there yet, but it's coming. And they ask this question, what will we do for her on the day when she is spoken for? How do you know if you're ready for marriage? How do you know if the people who you are shepherding are ready for marriage? Well, God in his wonderful wisdom gave us some things to think about. The answer, if she is a wall, closed, sexually pure, if she can handle herself, and we're gonna go back to chapter one and really look at this. If she is a wall, we will build on her a battlement of silver. We will dress it up. Here we go. Yes, sir. But if she is a door, we will barricade her behind planks of cedar. Say I'm gonna do a little weightlifting here. The most unrealistic thing I've said this morning so far, okay? So I'm sitting here on the bar. Okay, I got 135. I'm gonna clean it and press it. Ready? Okay. I can't get it just here. I can't, oh gosh. Okay. That's not good, right? A couple of buddies come up, they say, all right, Dad, we're gonna slap on 320. Ready? And we'll clean it for you. Ready? We'll get it up. Ready? We're gonna let go. What's gonna happen? They'd like to do this, I'm sure. I'm gonna get crushed. I'm gonna get crushed. Guys, we think about this so wrong. We think about it so wrong. Sexuality is not something you dabble in and then try and figure out. If you can't handle your body as a single, I promise you, you can't handle it married. Singles and married, listen real closely. Marriage is not the answer for illegitimate sexual desires. Selfish sexual desires never get fulfilled outside of marriage. They don't get fulfilled in marriage. You know why? It's impossible to fulfill selfish sexual desires It's impossible to fulfill any selfish desire. You don't get satisfied. Ecclesiastes said the ear is never satisfied with hearing, the eye is never satisfied with seeing. We are wired to want more, more, more, more, more, more, more. And again, it's the same thing I said weeks ago. We have to learn, especially as married people, that sex was God's gift to illustrate and to express love. Love is giving. The purpose of sex is to give pleasure to a married spouse. You should not even be worried about yourself. Now, it's a wonderful thing if your spouse has the same attitude. It's not wrong to enjoy sexual pleasure in marriage. God encourages it. But if you are on the take, take, take, take, take, that's the way our culture is. Now this is very, very cool. So have I made my point there? Christian singles and the importance of sexual purity. You want to get married and we're going to, last point here, we're going to turn back chapter one and kind of watch this couple attract and see how they relate to one another and how they approach the relationship and sexual purity. But this is the picture friends. He says, hey, if you are a wall, You're ready to go. If you are a door, you're not ready. Now friends, that doesn't mean you've messed up beyond God's grace. Can I say that? That doesn't mean that God can't forgive and restore and things can't go. But at that moment, you're not ready. Everyone understand? Gotta learn some new habits. Gotta grow spiritually. This is so cool. This is so cool. She says, I was a wall. And my breasts were like towers. Now that is not a funny reference to size. Unassailable, untouchable. What's that Lord of the Rings, the second of the first trilogy, the two towers? It was the safe place, the refuge. We can defend these. She says I was a wall and nobody was touching me. And then, this is so cool, and then, the verse goes on, I became in his eyes as one who finds peace. Now does that sound familiar, Genesis? Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord, a similar allusion there, but she didn't say grace, she says peace. It's not in God's eyes, it's in his eyes. What's she talking about here? Then I became in his eyes one who found peace. Do you know what the Hebrew word for peace is? If this was being read in Hebrew, you'd be like, oh, what a great pun. This is so cool. So let me tell you so we can all see how cool it is together. Then because I was sexually pure, I became in his eyes as one who found peace. Next verse, Solomon had a vineyard. What's Solomon? Do you know what his name is in Hebrew? Peace. Shalom. Peace, peace. Solomon, Solomon. She wasn't worried about finding a man, and we're gonna see that back in chapter one. We're gonna move, it's about 10 minutes in chapter one. Then I became in his eyes. You see what happens, how do you, the last point here is we wanna talk about is, these are related a little bit, but Christian singles in the pursuit of marriage. She thought, and we'll look at it again, she's working in a vineyard. Her brothers, the ones who speak here, are making her work in the vineyard. She's like, I'm ugly, I'm sunburned. Nobody, she thinks she's working in a vineyard. Who owns the vineyard? She thinks she's working in a vineyard. She's about to become the queen. That's a great love story. You're going to see, she's just, oh, this is no fun. My brothers are fair to me. We'll see it back up here. I wish we could do this a little bit better. But listen, he says, verse 11, Solomon had a vineyard at Baal Haman. He entrusted the vineyard to the caretakers. Those were her brothers. Each was to bring 1,000 shekels of silver for fruit. So that was the tribute that they paid. She says, hey, my own vineyard is at my disposal. And you'll see she refers to her body as a vineyard earlier. She says, because I was pure, I can give my body to you, Solomon. She says, the 1,000 shekels are for you, Solomon. You're my husband. I have a tribute for you. The 200 are for those who take care of its fruit. I say this to my kids, to every single that's here, and to parents. You know what? I know it's a battle to parent your kids. I know they don't want to be parented. That's cool. And the time Caleb was nine, I don't know, it was one of those sanctified moments where God just helped you say something that sounded kind of smart, so you went with it. And I said, Caleb, It's not going to get easier to be a helpful, loving, submissive child in this house. It's going to get harder. I say impossible because you're going to get older. I'm going to serve burgers. You're going to want steak. We're going to go to the play. You're going to want to go play ball. That's right. You're getting older and independent. I get that. It's just going to get harder. What are you going to do about it? What am I going to do about it? Are we going to learn to grow together? They don't want to be parented. At the end of this process, this girl says, Hey, I got a thousand shekels for Solomon, dowry, whatever, whatever that is. And by the way, mom and dad, here's 200. Thank you. I now see, this was for the brothers. I now see, I now get it. You are watching out for me. Parents, don't lose heart. Keep shepherding your kids. Keep influencing your grandkids. Kids, we know it's hard. We know we're not perfect. But in the right setting, we are trying. We are trying to protect you because sexual lust and temptation is a trap and it is hard. All right, everybody see that? All right, back to chapter one. So cool. I wasn't joking when I said I had three messages. We have about eight minutes left, and I have one message to go. So we'll go really fast. All right, this book opens, chapter one, verse one, with the art of attraction, these people relating to each other. And the book opens with that same woman speaking and says, may he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth. And I'd like to have my wife memorize that in about 20 translations and just keep that fresh in front of her mind. But the question here is, what so makes a woman desire a man? I mean, she opens up. I wish that guy would kiss me. May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth. Guys, we should learn from this. We should ask this question, because if we want to relate well to our wives, what is it that so makes a woman desire a man? Is it the deltoids? And is it the fresh suit with the pressed white shirt, heavy starch, and the red tie, and the nice car, and the nice date you went on with the Ruth Chris gift cards, and the whole deal? What is it? that so makes a woman desire man. Singles, listen up. You're trying to attract somebody. Do it the right way. She says, your oils have a pleasing fragrance. Your name is like purified oil. She didn't say anything about his appearance, but she gives him a nickname. She says, your name is sweetness. You are sweet and you are moral. Your name is like purified oil. When people give people nicknames, It's a little bit about their character, right? Speedy, chops, you know, whatever nicknames. Clutch, baller, you know, we just give them names. We give them nicknames. They describe who they are. She says, sweetness and purified oil. And that is what attracts this woman to him. And in verse four, there are people watching the daughters of Jerusalem. They say, we will rejoice and be glad. We will extol your love more than wine. Rightly do they love you. Not only is this start out on a moral context and not physical, but there are people who are in authority around who are looking and they say, that's a pretty good thing. I warned my kids already someone may one day come and say hey what do you think about my daughter marrying your son or my son marrying your daughter and you know I'm not that you know it's like we have a culture where I just get to say yes and no and everyone listens to me but I do probably get my opinion and I'd like to be able to say it's a good thing I would like not to be able to say well if they want to get married that's great but I think that's the dumbest thing ever because my kid is selfish. My kid is not going to make a good mate yet. My kid hadn't matured to the point of being a good spouse. And I'm just going to tell the truth about it, because we're marrying damaged goods anyway, right? None of us married Christ, so these outsiders speak in a very positive way about this. Okay, now look what she says. The only reference to appearance here in verse five, she says, I'm black but lovely, O daughters of Jerusalem, like the tents of Kadar, like the curtains of Solomon. They were both black. She uses these images. She says, don't stare at me because I'm swarthy. The sun has burned me. My mother's sons, those are the brothers who asked at the end of chapter eight about that. they were angry with me, they made me caretaker of the vineyard." In the Oriental culture, the beauty is deeply found in the skin, that's why they would cover themselves with veils, and the skin was very important, and so the very fact that she's out working in the vineyard, she doesn't feel very good about her appearance. The only thing early that's said about the appearance, we learn that she thinks the guy is moral, other people say it's a pretty good thing, and she begins to say, I don't look very good. Isn't it funny, though, now that you see this other point? She's working in the vineyard. She thinks she's being oppressed by her brothers, those dumb parents. And she thinks she's just Cinderella, just scrubbing the floors. But as she perseveres, what happens all the way? This is why I did it backwards. You're supposed to get to chapter 8 with this already in mind. But just then I became in his eyes as one who found peace, peace Solomon. This is so great. But so she's working in the vineyard. Incidentally, ladies, Godly women are hard-working women. Rachel was a shepherdess. Rebecca went down to the well to draw water. Zipporah, Moses' wife, was a shepherdess. The Proverbs 31 woman had strong arms. She's working in the vineyard. She doesn't even feel that good about her appearance. But she notices Solomon, and in verse 7 she says, "'Tell me, O you whom my soul loves, Solomon, where do you pasture your flock? And where do you make it lie down? Because why should I be like one who veils herself besides the flocks of her companions? She says, I want to be with you. There's not this weird, subtle, they're just handling it so responsibly. And the girl says, I'd like to be because you know, why should I be like one of those girls that veils herself? You know who the girls who veil themselves were? Prostitutes. She said, I'd like to get to know you, but I am not about to act like a prostitute to do so. So where can we hang out? Where do you work? Where are you going to be? How can we do this in a good way? But I am not about to sacrifice my body and my sexual purity for you. I'm not going to do it. And it goes on, and Solomon begins to treat her very kindly. He tells her where he's going to be in verse 9, and he begins to speak to her so kindly, he calls her darling nine times. By the way guys, you know what the most important sexual part of woman is? It's her mind. She wants to be treated tenderly and sweetly. And he says, to me, my darling, you were like the mare among the chariots of Pharaoh. She is his number one hobby. He esteems her. We're at a time I gotta get to, okay. He begins to treat her very, very kindly. And in chapter two, verse one, she begins to blossom under his care. And she says, I'm the rose of Sharon, I'm the lily of the valley. And guys, as we have the responsibility to care spiritually for and tenderly to our spouses, they should blossom under our care, not, Be like Tupperware. It's kind of like that first Peter chapter three verse seven that says, husbands, dwell with your wives in an understanding way, and grant her honor as a fellow heir of life, and treat her with honor as a weaker vessel. Say weaker, I've known some women stronger than men. Yeah, that's right, Lori, probably take me out. But the idea of that is fragile. She's not Tupperware, she's fine china. And it's to be treated that way. She's your wife. Anyway, look at this, this is so great. This is what, verse three, how this progresses. And she says, like an apple tree, nourishment among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade, protection, the shade of the apple tree, this sounds nice, I took great delight and I sat down. and his fruit was sweet to my taste. He has brought me to his banquet hall, and his banner security over me is love." Guys, this is what ladies want. Ladies, this is what you should look for. Do not look for the car. Do not look for the good looks. Guys, you're gonna get married and she's gonna come down the aisle, okay? You notice looks are just not here and that's the best she's ever gonna look. She spent nine hours getting ready to walk down the aisle. She's never gonna look better than that, okay? And ladies, most of you get married to somebody between the time 22, 27, whatever. We're at our prime. I teased Lori, it was about eight years ago. I was getting ready and she walked in the bathroom, she goes, well, you're not the same skinny guy you used to be. And I was like, oh, all right, right on, but it's true. I'm damaged goods going the wrong way, okay? If you marry on looks, you're in trouble. You're in trouble. You can pour lighter fluid on any fire you want. It'll blow up. But it's not going to last. You're not going to get coals of ember. You're not going to get the flame of Yahweh, the eternal fire of love. Did I say something funny? They're still laughing over there. I don't even know what I said. Okay, so instead of just appearance and sex, which is all our culture wants to talk about is horrible. is the right looks and Justin Buber and whatever and I did that on purpose I'm not that culturally irrelevant and all of just the superficial stuff okay this is what guys should aspire to and ladies should look for she says like an apple tree among the trees of the forest there are a hundred million trees out there ladies but he's an apple tree He is providing for you. Nourishment, spiritual. In his shade I sat down. Protection, you don't feel oppressed. You can be vulnerable. You can expose yourself and you are not mistreated. And that banner, everybody knows. He don't take his ring off to do stuff. Everybody knows his banner. And she says, give me the raisin cakes. Isn't that funny? Oh, you don't know yet? Okay, I gotta tell you. All right, isn't that weird? See the next verse there? Give me the raisin cakes. Well, if you were an older woman, you just laughed. If you were a younger girl in Israel, you were like, I can't believe he said that. You got embarrassed. Because this is a very erotic statement. It is a raisins full of seeds. And it's thought to be an aphrodisiac. And guys, I'm just telling you, If you are moral, and you get around a lady, and you nourish her, and you give her security, and you give her safety and love, and you promote her like this banner, she's gonna be like, oh my. She's gonna get the woofle dust. And you, and if God's in it, it's gonna be like, oh, then I became in his eyes as one who found peace. I found Solomon. God does have a providential way of doing this. But, and then she says, oh my goodness, can't believe it's in the Bible. I want his left hand under my head and his right hand to embrace me. I want his left hand under my head. Oh. He says, I'm feeling some sexual urges. And of course, the Bible's gonna go, no, that's nasty. Well, no, it's not. It's gonna say, not yet. I assure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the hinds of the field, do not arouse or awaken love until it pleases, until it's the right time. It's not wrong, it's not evil, it's appropriate. Do you know who says that, by the way, guys? The man. You know the expression I hate more than anything as it relates to this issue that has so corrupted our society? First base, second base, third base. Did you get to first base? Did you get to second base? Did you get to third? What obscene and horrible language. That a woman is to be conquered. Or that you are to take sexual pleasure. Or that the thrill of, it's distasteful. And it is not loving. It does not reflect God, does it? It's horrible, and we must fight against that type of thoughts and expressions in our, guys, girls are gifts. All right, well, I went way over, and you all have been very gracious. Pastor sent me this little article here, and I just thought it was worth closing with. I'm not gonna read the whole thing, and I think our church does a decent job, but it's true. A message to those who are single, who've spent years in the church as a single person. This is Pastor Rose, the pastor who's served in the local church for the past 18 years. He says he'd like to apologize to you on behalf of many ministers who have failed you, very deeply sorry. Some of this is true. I'm sorry for the ways we've unintentionally distanced you from community, for times we overlooked your deep needs and your unique challenges as we planned, prayed, and prepared. Sorry for the times we've relegated you to the segregated ghettos of the singles ministry, making you feel like that was enough to hold you over until you graduated from relational purgatory. I'm sorry for the times you felt unwelcome or extraneous in our small groups. I'm sorry for the many times our sermon series lifted up marriage and family and the process ignored the awkwardness that might create for you. Sorry for any lazy language that often excluded you. You are the church. You are not second-class Christians. You're not inferior members of the communities. You're not worth less than those who have found married life a reality. Your singleness is not a temporary affliction that you need to be healed of, or a sad fate you need to be rescued from. It's not a sign that your faith is suspect, that your prayers are not earnest, or that your goodness is in doubt. It's not a proof that you have character flaws or moral failings. It's just your time and your place in the story right now. You may remain single forever, you may not. If you remain single forever, that is not a defeat, that is not a compromise, you are a child of God. And there is nothing wrong, there is no loss, and there is no failure in that. You are a beautiful, whole human being. You are not incomplete, you are not just biding time, you are not just waiting to be made half of something else. We in the leadership of the church have sometimes failed to really see you or have fallen short of pastoring you well. We may do it again, and for that, we ask for your forgiveness. But I would say this morning, never ever doubt how priceless your life is. You are deeply and fully loved by God, as are all of us. And so I thought that was a good thing to end with here.