Turn with me to Ephesians chapter 5. I'm just going to read three or four verses. When I was preaching in Connecticut, there was a woman from Tennessee who was, well, temporarily for a year and a half or so, exiled to Connecticut. She's really from Tennessee. And she would say, oh, pastor, that was a good sermon. Oh, pastor, that was a good sermon. And once she said, pastor, you've left off preaching. You've gone to meddling now. It's sort of when the application of the Word of God gets close and personal, you've gone to meddling. And we're going to go to meddling now for wives this week and husbands next week. The thing that we ended with in Ephesians 5 was verse 21, that we are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. And then beginning at verse 22, it's a very specific example of this, the submission that we owe to one another, in this case, the marriage relationship in verse 22 through 24 wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord for the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church his body and is himself its Savior now as the church submits to Christ so also wives should submit to in everything to their husbands. Dear Heavenly Father, help us as we contemplate this to think of the relationship that Christ has with the church, and therefore the relationship that the church ought to have with Christ. And may we see, Lord, this submission in that context. Give us, Lord, wisdom to hear your word and to put it into practice, for we ask this in Jesus' name, amen. Well, the whole book of Ephesians is about the astonishing good news of what God has done to deliver His people from the ravages of sin. That's what the whole book is about. Now, we're getting into the details here, but God has chosen us in Christ before the foundation of the world. He has united His people to His Son by faith. He has washed them and He has cleansed them. And He has formed them into a new community. He has made one new man out of disparaging elements. Even Jews and Gentiles, they can exist in one church now. He has made one new man. He has created one new community. That's what the first three chapters are about. Beginning in chapter 4, he gives us the details of what this new community looks like. This is how the saved and the delivered and the chosen, the redeemed, the spirit-filled people of God, this is how they begin to live. They begin to put off the old man and to put on the new. They begin to live the life of the world to come already. They begin to conform their minds and their hearts and their actions to the kingdom of God which has crashed forth into this earth. So we are living in the new community. So what is this like? We are to, as individual Christians, we are to stand upon Christ, to put Him on. We are to add radical love and mutual submission and servant leadership, and we are to mix it thoroughly. That's sort of what the whole community element of this is like. We are, according to verse 21, to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Because we know Christ, we can submit to one another. We can submit to truth. We can submit to anybody as long as they're speaking truth to us. But there's a mutual submission that is required of all of us. But then when we get to this next verse, wives, submit to your husbands. Or even then at verse 21, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. How do people hear that command? We are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. There are some people who hear that command and they say, good, now everybody has to submit to me. Those are the people you gotta watch out for. Good, you've got to submit to me now. In fact, it says right here, you need to submit to me and you do too. Everyone's got to submit to me. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Christ is the king in the head. He is the master. He is the one who is calling the shots. It isn't us. We ought to hear it in a far more submissive way, not in a way so that I can finally control people and here's the command I can use to do so. But no, I must submit to myself or submit myself to the whole new community. Everyone, rightly understood, is in submission. Everyone is in submission out of reverence to Christ. So I'm gonna be, Lord willing, preaching three different sermons. First is, Wives, Submit to Your Own Husbands. And the second, Husbands, You Are to Love Your Wives. But then the third, which is really what Paul is talking about here, is the relationship that Christ has with the church, or how does Christ love the church, and how does she respond? But as I talk about authority and submission out of reverence for Christ. You need to hear these things. I think I put them in the notes. Authority does not mean tyranny. we have sort of been raised with an idea that if anybody tells you something, if anybody restricts you, if anybody constrains you, then you aren't free. It's a form of tyranny. If God, even with his 10 commandments, restricts you, well, you gotta cast those things off. We have a very strange definition of authority, but authority does not mean tyranny. Biblically speaking, authority ought to mean servant leadership. And when I say submission, and when I say the husband is the head of the wife, we are to hear servant leadership. We are not to hear tyranny. Second thing, submission does not mean inferiority. Rather, it is a willing yielding out of reverence for Christ. It is submission to God, ultimately. It is submission to his loving rule, and submission is a really good thing. Submission is faith by another name. That's what submission is. I am doing so out of reverence for Christ. This is how I am demonstrating my faith. I am walking in faith by walking in submission. But submission to self or submission to sinful self really is a bad thing. It is an I-did-it-my-way kind of rebellion. And everybody is prone to it. But we tend to agree that submission to God is a good thing and submission to our sinful selves is a bad thing. We tend to agree with that in general and on principle until we get to specifics. That's when we can sort of haggle. That's when we can have a problem with this submission. But today we do get to a specific. But submission is a humble recognition of God's wise and loving providential order. That's what submission is. I recognize that God is in control and it is good. In fact, in Sunday school today, I was teaching some of our young people about God's decrees. Can you imagine teaching God's decrees to young people? It can be difficult, but I told them, God is in absolute control of everything. He knows the future. He calls the end from the beginning. And one of the questions was, how does that make you feel? And they responded in two ways. It makes me happy, and it makes me safe. That's the way we ought to see all of God's commands. That's the way we ought to see submission. This ought to make me happy and this ought to make me safe. But submission is a willing and it is a joyful yielding to the commands of God. The first independence movement was Adam and Eve in the garden. And it wasn't a good thing. And we are all still rebellious in some ways. That is what sin really is. It is a refusal to submit to God and to the blessing of his law. But anyway, submission to God's delegated authority is an exceedingly good thing. Why? Because it honors God. Why? Because it builds society. The law of God is a really good thing and it protects and it nurtures those who are under its rule. So anyway, two quick remarks before we get into the details. Mutual submission out of reverence for Christ is the context for this passage. Submission, believe it or not, is not actually mentioned in verse 22. That's the verse I'm preaching on, right? It literally reads, wives, to your own husbands as to the Lord. Well, there's something missing. Well, where do you get that something? You get it from the previous verse, and it's a necessary reference, but submitting is what it's referring to. So wives, submit to your husband, but it isn't even in that verse 22. It's in verse 21, which ties verse 22 to verse 21. We do this out of reverence for Christ. That's why we are submitting. We don't submit because the society demands it. We don't submit because good order demands it. Or because I have no other choice, but rather we are to submit out of reverence for Christ. This is the form in this particular circumstance that our obedience takes. This is how faith shows itself. But then secondly, marriage has been created by God to be a dim reflection of Christ's relationship to the church. That's what he's really arguing in the whole passage, that there's something about the marriage relationship which ought to highlight or underscore for us the relationship that Christ has to the church. But, can't get away from this, what is the command in verse 22? Wives must submit to their own husbands. This isn't the only place in the scripture where we find this. Wives, be subject to your own husbands as is fitting to the Lord. Young women should be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, and subject to their own husbands. In the same way, you wives be submissive to your husbands so that any of them are disobedient to the word. They may be one without a word. So submission, that's required of everybody, but the application here is to wives. But submission in general is the voluntary and the joyful yielding to the leadership and to the decisions of another out of reverence for Christ. This kind of submission is required in the church life as well. It is a voluntary, sincere, and joyful yielding to the leadership and the decisions of others, of God's delegated authority. So wives in particular, they must first acknowledge the headship of their husbands. He does have this authority. He does have this responsibility from God. and we are not to take it away from him, or we are not merely to see just his authority, but we are to see that his authority comes from God. We are to do so out of reverence for Christ. And secondly, wives must follow the leadership or the headship of the husband. They must submit, that's what it means. And wives must respect the headship of the husbands. This sort of means no nagging. This sort of means no, side door undermining his decisions. This means no fighting. This really means no complaining. Well, does this submission mean that we're second rate or inferior? No. I stated that as a purpose or as a statement up front that submission does not imply inferiority. Jesus submitted to his Father and they are equal. He said, not my will but yours be done. And he wasn't inferior to the Father. And think about this, to whom does this verse command you to submit? You are to submit to your own husbands. Not to every man, but to submit to your own husbands. In fact, I find it fascinating that as As women in the church, God asks you to submit primarily to two men. Submit to your father and submit to your husband. Who are these two men? They are the two men who should love you more than anyone on the planet. That's who you are to submit to. You are to submit to God's delegated authority, but you are to submit to men who love you and who will sacrifice for you. You are to submit to that kind of servant leadership. But then think about this for a minute. If you will not submit to the father who loves you and a husband who loves you, and you won't do either of those, even if God commands you to do so, what does that say about you? Submit to your own husband. From this text, the one who loves you, the one who serves you, the one who is striving to lay down his life for you, that's the one you're to submit to. the one that God has called to care for you, to nurture you, to protect you, to provide for you, to nurture you, to cherish you, submit to that. That's what he's asking. Submit to loving, nurturing, self-sacrificing leadership. But I've already started to talk to the men. I'll try to pull it back. We're gonna get them next week. But we are to submit, women are to submit, and we are to submit to one another as to the Lord. When we, yield to our husbands. When we submit to their servant leadership, we are serving God. And the Lord has asked you to submit to your husband. And when you do so, you are obeying the Lord. Whatever you do, do your work heartily as for the Lord rather than for men. God has made this arrangement and we are to embrace it. In creation, he has given headship and authority and responsibility to the husband. And God commands this, like all of his laws, for our good. And they are designed ultimately for our freedom. But notice the other thing about this passage. Paul is speaking directly to the wives. He's not speaking to the husbands. He's speaking to the wives. He is appealing to them directly. He is not forcing their hand. He's not twisting their arms, but he is asking for a willing, voluntary, and joyful submission. So he speaks directly to them. He doesn't speak to their husbands. He doesn't speak to those who are in authority over them, saying, you must subjugate your wives. That's not what he says. You are to make them obey. That's not what he says. You are to force servile obedience in your wives or in your children, for that matter. That's not what he says. He appeals directly to the wives. You are to joyfully and willingly yield. That's what he's after. He's not after subjugation. He's after submission, and those are different things. And why, he says in the text, because the husband is the head of the wife. What does that mean? Jews of Christ, twice in the letter, in his relationship to the church, that he gave him, Christ as head over all things, to the church. And in verse four, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies. to the church. He is head over the church. And why is Jesus head over the church? Why is he given authority over the church? For her blessing and for her good. And what did he do to bless and forward the good of the church? He gave his life. And again, that's what wives are called to submit to. They're called to submit to that kind of servant leadership. He is over the church, Jesus is, but he is over the church for their good and for their blessing. He is to fulfill them. So headship, and I'm quoting here, means lordship. Yes, but a lordship that is exercised most fully in liberating and in exalting the one in submission. Jesus came to make his bride radiant, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, and that's why he is exercising his authority over her. And that's how we are to do so as husbands. The husband is to nurture the wife. His leadership is to be a blessing and a benefit to her. That's the design. Again, I'm quoting, the biblical teaching is that God has given man a certain headship or responsibility or a delegated authority, and that his wife will find herself and her true God-given role, not in rebellion against him or his headship, but rather in a voluntary and joyful submission. She is to submit to her husband because he is her head. Why was this headship given to man? Why was this headship given to man? Let me read some passages here. But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man. See, every man is in submission. And the man is the head of the woman. And God is the head of Christ. For a man does not originate from woman, but woman from man. For indeed, man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake. Therefore, the woman ought to have a symbol of authority on her head because of the angels. Woman was made from the man, from Adam's rib, and for the man to complete him because he was incomplete without her. Woman is man's completion, and they are better together than they would be apart. But the woman was made from the man and for the man, that's why he is the head. They are equal and they are mutually dependent, but they are different from each other. They're equal but different. And God has given to them different roles and different responsibilities. In this case, the husband is the head of the wife. Therefore, he must lead and care and protect and provide for the wife as Christ does the church. But again, I'm already... You can't understand one half of the equation without the other half. That's why I keep going back and forth between what the husband's supposed to do and what the wife's supposed to do. But the wife is supposed to submit to loving servant leadership that is designed for her blessing and her benefit. That's what she's called to submit to. But then secondly, a woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet, for it was Adam who was first created, and then Eve. So why has headship been given to Adam? Because man was created first, that's why he is the head. Next couple verses. It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. So the Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept. And he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in that place. And the Lord fashioned it into a woman, the rib which he had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. Woman was made after man. Woman was made out of man. And in some sense, the woman was made for the man. That is why he is the head. He was incomplete. It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable to him, so that together, as a team, they can conquer the world. That's really what it means, have dominion over everything. And they do so together, maybe even as a family. So Christ is the head of the church. And the man is the head of the woman. The head means one in authority over. It means the provider. There's a feminist rabbit trail that calls it source, and it isn't true, but I'm not going to explain it. The man is the source of the woman. It really means head or the one in authority over. Then the text goes on to say about Christ that he is the savior of the body. Now, that's not what the man is to the woman, that the husband isn't your savior. And that's not a legitimate comparison, but this is an example of what his servant leadership could look like. What Christ did for the church is the kind of things that we should do for our wives. We should, he puts it later, lay down our lives for our wives. Husbands have authority over the woman in order to protect, in order to provide, in order to nurture, in order to care for, in order to lay down their lives for their wives. They don't have headship or authority in order to get what they want, or to lord it over their wives. So as the church is subject to Christ, so wives ought to be to their own husbands. How does the church submit to Christ? We listen to his word and we do it. We submit to his leadership. We follow his word. So what is the extent of the submission? Look at verse 24. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. What are the exceptions? Why do you ask that first? Here's the rule. Submission in everything. That's the rule. But we run to the exceptions. Well, let me give you the exceptions. When He is leading you to sin, you don't have to follow. You are to reverence Him or to submit to Him out of reverence for Christ. And if He's leaving you away from Christ, you don't follow Him there. If he's leading you in rebellion to Christ, if he's leading you into sin, you are not to submit. Christ, and I'm quoting again, is her absolute authority, not the husband. She submits out of reverence to Christ. The supreme authority of Christ qualifies the authority of her husband. For instance, she should never follow her husband into sin. Nevertheless, when she may have to stand with Christ against the sinful will of her husband, She can still have a spirit of submission, a disposition to yield, and she can show by her attitude and behavior that she does not like resisting his will, and that she longs for him to forsake sin and to pursue righteousness, so that in her disposition to honor him can again produce harmony in the marriage. So when he is leading you to sin, you don't have to follow. Your submission is not absolute. What about when he's wrong? Husbands are never wrong, are we? Are you to submit to the husband when he's wrong? He's gonna be wrong sometimes, right? We all know that he sins, and he isn't perfect, so he's gonna be wrong. Is that an exception? If my husband makes a wrong decision, I don't have to submit to it. You still have to submit to it. God has given you a sinful leader who isn't going to do things perfectly. What about when he's pig-headed? Isn't that the same thing as being wrong? Well, he's pig-headed, he's proud, and he's selfish. Do I have to submit to that? Yes, with qualifications. You never, ever submit to abuse. And you never submit to neglect. And you never submit to sin. And if your husband is sinning against you, or if he's even being wrong and pig-headed and selfish, you have an avenue, you have a recourse, you can bring other people into the equation. My husband is being really foolish here, can you talk some sense into him? Or, if it's a matter of sin, we've got Matthew 18. You need to call some other brothers and sisters around to correct the husband because he is failing in his leadership, because he is causing you to sin. So there are exceptions, and there are important ones, but this text doesn't give the exceptions. This text gives the rule. And we're to follow the rule. What is the rule? We are to submit to our husbands in everything. There have only been a few times when I, as the husband, have had to lay down the law in my family, when decisions we couldn't come to a mutually agreed upon conclusion, so I had to make the call. And one time, my wife knew, I won't tell you the story, but she knew I was absolutely wrong. She knew I was wrong, and she told me I was wrong, and I didn't listen to her. And she just smiled and submitted to my wrong for several years, actually, until I realized I was wrong. It just took me that long to realize it. But the rule is wives submit to your husband's leadership in everything. Submission like this, it used to be a lot easier in the culture. We used to be far closer to biblical norms. Even if people weren't Christians, their basic assumptions about how things were in life and in marriage were kind of the same, or at least informed by biblical principle. We don't have that anymore. Today, we have a hard time defining what marriage is and who can be part of it. And women in our day have been liberated from their biblical constraints. just boils me that it's put that way. Women are liberated from their biblical constraints. It is the law of perfect freedom. We're liberated from perfect freedom. There's other ways that you could play with that, but women, in fact, they don't even have to be women. They can rebel against their own biology now. If you don't want to be a woman, you don't have to be. If you don't want to be, quote-unquote, shackled by the children, you don't have to be. We can liberate you from you. You don't have to be you anymore. You don't have to be the way God has created you. You don't have to follow his rules. You can do whatever you want. You can freely run from what you were created to be. And our culture encourages it. You can try to seek your fulfillment in rebellion against God, but you'll never find it. So if we, as the church, who are teaching biblical standards and biblical norms, if you actually keep them, you're going to appear a little odd. People can't imagine submission being a good thing. They see submission as tyranny, submitting to somebody's tyranny. That's what it has to be. In fact, they even see submitting to God as a form of tyranny. You don't have to submit to God. And that's sort of what this subtle rebellion that's in our minds and our hearts, it spreads into everything. We are rebelling against God's good and loving rule over us. And that's what makes submission even in marriage, submission even in the church rather difficult. But let me talk. Current wives, do you submit to your husband and do you honor him and do you respect his headship? Do you follow his lead? Do you support him in his work? Do you rejoice in him as God's choice to provide for you, to protect you, to care for you, and to nurture you? Are you a submissive wife, and do you do so willingly and joyfully? Now, there are many marriages, and if you've been married for a long time, you sort of the pattern down. You have the expectations. And every marriage is a little bit different. You know, my husband does these things, and I do those things. And when there's tension, we talk about it, and we resolve it. But we usually have the rules, the expectations. Well, you do these things, and I do these things. But in a marriage, the wife should be fully heard and completely understood before you exercise your headship and make a decision. Nearly all of the decisions in marriage can be made mutually. But when you cannot come to a mutual agreement, do you submit to the husband's leadership? Now, it doesn't mean that you submit to the husband's side of the argument. Hopefully, as a servant leader, he won't always make his decision because he is the one who made it. But he will listen to the wife, and at times, he will yield to his wife's wisdom. even if he disagrees. But the decision is his, and wives need to submit to it. That's the kind of submission that honors Christ. In fact, that's the kind of submission that is enabled by Christ. Remember, we do this because we reverence Christ. But let me give some advice to the future wives. You are not ready for marriage until you reverence Christ. Until you have Christ yourself, until you are submitting to Him, you're not ready for marriage. Be very careful who you marry. Well, that sounds like really good advice. If you can't submit to this one, if you don't see self-sacrificing leadership in Him, He's not ready for marriage. But He's so cute. and I really want to be married. If he's not ready and you're not ready, it's not gonna go well. Does he manifest the fruit of the Spirit to you? Does he yield himself to the authority that God has placed over him? The way that you can tell a really good leader is one who can really submit. You can't really be a good leader until you're a good follower. Is the man that you're gonna marry, is he a good follower? If he's a good follower, maybe he can be a good leader. Is he willing to yield his wisdom to the wisdom of others? Is he willing to submit to godly counsel? But yeah, this is all in the context of marriage. You're not to leave that door without knowing Christ. You're not ready for anything. You're not ready for Monday unless you know Christ. You're not ready for marriage unless you know Christ. You're not ready to lead unless you know Christ. You're not ready to follow unless you know Christ. All of these things, Paul is speaking to Christians, those in whom the Spirit of God dwells, those who realize, I have been purchased with a price and I'm not my own anymore. I'm not going to yield to my selfish, sinful desires. I am a servant of God, and my servanthood as a husband comes in the form of leadership, self-sacrificing leadership. And my obedience to Christ comes in the form of submission if I'm a wife. That's the way that God has designed it. But we can't obey any of the commands of God without God Himself with us. So the thing that we need for godly marriages is God. We need God in our minds, in our hearts, in our decisions. And we, husband and wife, need to be yielding ourselves to God. Yielding ourselves to His leadership. Yielding ourselves to His wisdom. And His wisdom comes to us today in this form. Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Wives, submit to your husbands in everything. And it will take the Spirit of God to do that. So you, in a marriage, you manifest the Spirit of God by submitting to your husband's servant leadership. And husbands, you manifest the Spirit by laying down your life for the wife. Amen, let us pray. Dear Heavenly Father, the world around us screams another way. And they say that it is better. But Lord, your word is ever true. And your word, your law, your will is the place of safety and of comfort and of peace. It is the way of blessing and benefit. So Lord, help us to submit to you, to submit to the way that you have designed marriage. To submit to what you have called us to do in the midst of marriage. Pray Lord that you would give us wisdom that you would fill us with your spirit that we might walk with you. In our marriages. For Lord marriage has been under attack for many decades now. And our culture is looking to other forms and other structures that they think can be just as fulfilling. But Lord, your word is ever true. And we, as your people, as we stick to biblical norms and standards, we will be increasingly different from the culture around us. Help us, Lord, to be so knowledgeably and joyfully so that we can be a witness to the world around us. Lord, may our marriages shine so that what the world says about a biblical marriage, about headship and submission, is shown to be a lie. that we as husbands will lay down our lives for our wives, that our wives will be beautiful, that they could become all that they can be because of the leadership of the husband, because of his sacrifice, because of his nurture, because of his protection, because of his encouragement. Lord, help our wives to radiate your glory, and help us, Lord, as husbands, to have that as our main goal in our marriage. that our wives would be beautiful in the way that your word defines beauty. So bless us, Lord, as husbands, and bless us as wives, and bless our marriages. We pray that we would honor you in them, for we ask this in Jesus' name, amen.