Finishing up our study in marriage matters this morning, and I know that you can see it there on the screen. I'm gonna invite you to join me in Proverbs chapter 31. Seems really stereotypical, doesn't it? You know that it's the week that I speak to wives, and we go to Proverbs 31, and you shudder just a little bit, and I understand it. Proverbs 31 is one of those passages of scripture that when we arrive at, we think we know exactly what's gonna happen. But I wanna take some great big Bible pillars and try to fit them into one study to help us understand more about the virtuous woman. I recognize that there are many biases that are at play in this world as we know it. There is sexism, there is racism, and I'm becoming more familiar with the fact that there is also ageism. But there is one bias that I think far too few people actually encounter. It's the beauty bias known as lookism. How many of you have recognized that's just your cross to bear, lookism? There's a beauty bias that's used against you. What the beauty bias of lookism is, in effect, is this, as one review summarized. Physically attractive people are more likely to be interviewed for jobs, more likely to be hired, and more likely to advance rapidly in their careers through frequent promotions, and, it has been established, they make higher wages than unattractive individuals. Lookism. Now, if that's your burden, so sorry. The reality is very few people understand lookism. However, I have found one space in which lookism is probably proper to use, and that is when we are looking for our spouse. How many of you men right now would say, man, I wish I had used lookism when I found my wife? Is there any dummy in this room? That's an idiot test. I imagine that everybody that's gathered here, certainly every man could be accused of lookism when it came to the selection of his wife. I know that for a fact. All of us want to be married to a beautiful woman and the fact is we all can be. It may not be beauty as the world sees it, but it is beauty that actually matters. In fact, Solomon, in all of his infinite wisdom, nearing the end of this classic passage on the virtuous woman, says this in Proverbs 31.30, favor is deceitful. Note this, and beauty is vain. But a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Solomon grasped there is something greater than the natural elements of beauty. In fact, those things are vain. Why? Because sickness can impair them. Suffering can derange them and death ultimately destroys them. Sin has tainted how we view true beauty. Satan and the lies that he has put out and sin that has cursed our viewpoint has changed it. One poetically wrote this, the more a godly husband knows his godly wife, the more he realizes that her outward appearance doesn't remain fixed. He lies about it, but he recognizes that it doesn't remain fixed. Nor does her inward beauty only stay inward. He said it this way, over time, the splendor of her soul spills through the cracks of her skin like the light of a lantern, and the two beauties, the inner and the outer, begin to merge. And the inner beauty, as we understand from Solomon's infinite divine wisdom, is the fear of the Lord. We're learning now this basic principle from scripture. And if we're ever gonna fully comprehend the virtuous woman, and if we're ever gonna navigate our way to a successful marriage, we have to return to scriptural moorings. And the only way to return to scriptural moorings to understand marriage as God intended it, is to go all the way back to the creation accounts. where God outlines his perfect design for marriage. His perfect design for the husband and the wife until sin ruined it, but at creation, God had set everything in perfect order. There is something of note. Back in Genesis chapter two, about God's perfect creation order, it is instructive for us. What it is, is simply this, man was created first, and then woman. Now, that may seem insignificant. It is not, however, in the New Testament, the Holy Spirit inspired Paul as he was writing Timothy, and Timothy is instructing a church in the city of Ephesus in how they can honor God, penned these words, for Adam was first formed, then Eve. It happens in the creation account. It is used by Timothy to instruct a modern church in comparison, which means that it is certainly instructive for us. In fact, in Genesis chapter 2, 18, we read the first statement of divine displeasure when God says this, the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him unhelped meat for him. The first statement of divine displeasure is when God looks and he notes that Adam is alone and says, I'm going to solve this not good thing by making and help me for him. Now, he has not told this to Adam yet. So Adam goes about in verse 19, out of the ground, the Lord God formed every beast of the field. and every fowl of the air, and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them. And whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field." Note this simple phrase, but for Adam, there was not found unhelped meat for him. Again, let scripture just tell us what God wants us to know. In effect, Adam is naming every single animal, every kind of breed. And as he's doing this, he is intelligent as he deduces, I see a pair, I see a pair, I see a pair, I see a pair. And when I come to me and I look around, I note that I am alone. Now again, we're going to go all the way back to the beginning and understand the creation of woman. This is our spiritual mooring. This tells us, this is not antiquated, this is not outdated, this is not irrelevant, this is not a conservative Baptist ideology, this is not a man-centered thought process, this is what God did at the creation of woman, verse 19. I'm sorry, verse 19. Out of the ground, the Lord formed all the animals. He gives Adam the opportunity to name them. Adam sees that he is alone. In verse 21, the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept. And he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof, and the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman and brought her unto the man. God created woman in that moment. And he does something so unique in what he creates. In fact, when God made man, it said he formed him out of the dust of the ground, formed him, and when it comes to woman, God said he took Adam's rib and from Adam's rib made he woman. Those are two distinct words. He formed man and he made woman. Even the word made is important. It's different than the word formed in the original. Made can be understood as sculpted. Literally like a master artist who would paint a portrait. It is as though God knelt over that rib and sculptured a beautiful woman. Again, let scripture instruct us. Let it return us to our spiritual moorings. God created woman at a different time than he created man, and that leads us to a simple question, why? Why did God not just divide the lump of clay and create them both at the same time? Why in Scripture does God make us see this in the Old Testament and why does God inspire this to even make it to the New Testament that Adam was first formed and then Eve? I believe it's because God wants to say something about the relationship between men and women. God wants to say something about their differing responsibilities. It is inescapable within Scripture, there is a firstness in responsibility that falls to the man. Now I want to be very clear, this is not a matter of superior value. This is not a matter of being better than. because God has created both man and woman in the image of God. But it definitely says something about his responsibility of leadership. It is again very helpful. We pick up a clue on this. Because if we back up to verse 16 of Genesis 2, we read, And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden thou mayest freely eat, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil thou shalt not eat of it, for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. Eve was not created yet when that rule was given by God. And yet we know that Eve capitulates in temptation and Eve actually first eats of the fruit. That teaches us an important lesson. After the woman was created, one said, there's no record that this pattern of moral life for the garden was repeated by God. God doesn't give this rule another time. He concluded, and I think rightly so, that Moses expects us to understand that Adam is entrusted with the moral pattern of the garden and with the primary responsibility of sharing it with Eve and being accountable for it. It's Adam's responsibility in firstness. It's Adam's accountability in leadership to have conveyed this. And after Eve capitulates in sin first, and then Adam does so secondarily, our God in Genesis 3 still confronts Adam first and holds him accountable for the sin. More on that in just a moment. But God's design for Eve was that she be a help me. We're simply going back to our moorings so that we can understand what God wants us to see and know about the virtuous woman. We've returned to creation and we've noted creative order, a firstness in man's nature. leadership and accountability and responsibility. Secondarily, we know this in Genesis 2.20, but for Adam there was not found unhelped meat for him, but God will create unhelped meat. He's gonna create a helper for Adam. How many of you would rather be the leader than the helper? How many of you would rather be the starting quarterback than the backup quarterback? Right, we have this idea, when we hear the word help me, we think that's a derogatory term. I don't wanna be a helper. I'm above helper status, I'm kinda leader status. I'm kinda like Captain Stuff. I don't wanna be the helper. I feel already like I'm behind the eight ball because you're telling me at creation that I'm the helper. I'm the help meat. Understand that woman as help meat was not created as a subjugated slave, but these roles of firstness and help meat are designed to be a mutual blessing for both. And as we'll establish in a moment, our view of those roles has been tainted by sin. Let me again read here, as one said, before God made Eve from Adam, He humbled Adam by permitting him to discover how impossible his task would be without help. God had already indicated that it was not good for Adam to be alone, but then he set Adam to naming all the animals, building to the discovery that there was not found and help meet for him. He knew, that is Adam, that he needed a helper for this mission. Of subduing creation. Obviously of multiplication. We're returning to the moorings and we're learning some foundational truths that make them relevant for us. The problem is sin's work has completely ruined our understanding. Sin's curse, particularly on the woman for our study today, has affected how we see everything. Listen to Genesis 3.16. Unto the woman, he said, now God, articulating the curse of sin, says, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception. In sorrow thou shalt bring forth children. Note this strange phrase, and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Now we understand that salvation will come through the birth of a child, but it will be a painful process. That's part of the curse. Secondarily, we note that the wife, the woman's desire shall be to her husband. Her desire shall be to her husband. That word desire is an interesting word. It carries with it the idea of a craving, a pursuit. Maybe we could understand your desire will be now to be over your husband. Your natural setting will be to manipulate or to fashion and form him to your liking, to your will. Where before, naturally, your heart set was submissive reverence, now your heart set, due to the curse of sin, will be to try to exert some control and he, the husband, shall rule over thee. which implies that where once the natural heart set of a man was that he would lovingly lead. Sacrificially, he would provide headship. He would take the accountability of leadership in a loving way and now, due to the curse of sin, he will have within him the capacity to tyrannically rule. He will want to subjugate and objectify. This is how thoroughly sin has ruined our view of things. If we jump all the way back to creative order, it is instructive. First it was Adam, then it was Eve. It's not an equal thing, it's not a value thing, it is an accountability thing. She is undeniably a helpmeet for him. But sin has ruined how we see all of that. He now will try to tyrannically rule and you will try to exert some manipulative force upon him. And so we have to return to scripture and we have to understand and be equipped by not just the written word but also the Holy Spirit on how to be Christ-like women. Now, I have no desire to be a Christ-like woman. Is that good for you? None. But I do have a desire to teach it. I'm a little bit laborious in how I'm setting this up. We cannot see marriage and roles as the world sees them. We cannot allow ourselves to fall into the trap of thinking that this is just antiquated and outdated. It would be natural for us to view it as such. And so without any argumentative tone, we just return and we try to understand what is articulated by the scripture. It is instructive for us. It's amplified for our help. Creative order and creative roles are in there to instruct us. We do not see them as God gave them, nor do we live them out as God intended, because the curse of sin is complete. It pervades every aspect of it. However, as believers, we have the Holy Spirit, and we also have the inspired written word to understand how we can win back what sin ruined, and in submission to the Holy Spirit and the Word, live out lives like Christlike women, and thus we arrive at Proverbs 31, the dreaded passage. Listen to Proverbs 31 in verse 10. Who can find a virtuous woman? This is amplifying the rarity of this, for her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Now, you cannot want to see it, but the virtuous woman in this context is connected to her husband. In effect, the assessment of the virtuous woman is in light of her relationship to her husband. The opposite of almost every tenet in Proverbs 31 is the wife who is bound to the curse of sin, and largely due to sin, it is what our world sees. In fact, she would have a husband who can't trust her. That's verse 11. The opposite, she would continually work to do him harm. That's verse 12. She would begrudgingly do her work. That's verse 13. She would fail to supply her heart for the household or part for the household due to idleness. That's verse 15. She would operate in weakness rather than strength. She would take rather than give. She would fear rather than trust. She would speak harshly rather than gently. Such persistent patterns would then move her children to curse her rather than to bless her, would lead husbands to failure rather than to success, and would lead to displeasure rather than praise. Those aren't things that I've invented just because I'm a guy talking to ladies. Each of those is the antithesis of a principle laid out in Proverbs 31. But if we will just simply walk through this passage of Scripture and unpack these phrases, we can look and see what a Christ-like woman does. And the first thing we'll note is this. She earns the trust of her husband. Earns the trust of her husband. That's what the Bible said to us. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. He's never worried about her faithfulness to him. Now that has a broad spectrum of implications, doesn't it? It can certainly have financial implications. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. It can also have flirtatious implications. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. But by her conduct, by her demeanor, by her adherence to the truth, by her relationship with God, By her walk, she earns the trust of her husband. That's what a Christ-like woman does. She supports and compliments her husband. Now already, I know how it feels. It feels irrelevant and it feels outdated because I've used the word earns. Earn the trust. He will trust me because I'll tell him to trust me. Earn. You've already thrown in support and compliment, champ. You are really working against yourself here. Her work at home, her service, yes, service and support to her husband benefits, according to this, his reputation and success. In short, he is a better man because he is married to her. Now again, let me tell you the scriptural fact. Proverbs 31, 23, her husband, known in the gates when he sitteth among the elders of the land now what that implies is he is where he is because she is his wife he is where he is because she is enabling she is help meeting she is complimenting she is supporting that and getting done she's working with and for not against I note this, she balances out his strengths and his weaknesses. She completes him. Where he is weak, she is strong. She balances him out. Literally, when God created Eve, she stood next to Adam and they became one. That's what the scripture tells us. He was partial, now he is completed by her. In fact, in Proverbs 12, 4, we read, a virtuous woman is a crown to her husband. She's the beautiful thing that adorns his ugly noggin. Proverbs 18, 22. Whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord. If you ever need to know, has God ever been good to you? If you're a married man, just look to your left, right, front, back, up, down. Say, yep, I have obtained favor. You say, is it possible to give this favor back? That's a whole nother message. First Corinthians 11.7 says, the woman is the glory of the man. She balances out his strengths and his weaknesses. She completes him, makes whole what was partial. She's a crown, she's a good thing. She's evidence of God's favor. Literally, she is the glory of the man. She fears the Lord. A Christ-like woman is a believer. She fears God. Out of that healthy awe and reverence for the truth and for God comes all the kindness and the hard work. She trusts in God. She trusts in his providential plan. A Christ-like woman fears the Lord. She's wise in a world of fools. She stands out, Proverbs 19, 14. House and riches are the inheritance of fathers, and a prudent wife is from the Lord. That's what you set out for, right? A prudent wife. Is your wife pretty? She's prudent. Does she come from money? She's prudent. It sounds a little bit bad. That's not the adjective, right? My wife's prudent. Are you a prudent wife? Yeah, that's what I'm good at, prudence. But the fact is she stands out in a world of fools. She has a good understanding. One commentator, and I like how he applied this, this actually shows up again, that carries with it the idea that she avoids complaining even though she may often have cause for it. Prudence, wise in a world of fools. I note that her reverence for her husband infuses him with confidence. Yes, in short, she is submissive. In Ephesians 5 in the New Testament, we are told to submit one to another as believers. Then we are told that husbands are to love their wives just like Jesus loved the church, selfless, sacrificially, decisive, and willfully, and that a wife is to submit to her own husband. It's the idea again of rank and order, not of value. It takes us back to the spiritual mooring of creative design, headship, Then reverence, in fact, Ephesians 5.33, nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself. And the wife see that she reverence her husband. It infuses him with confidence. Her partnership brings him joy. Now this one's tough, right? Her partnership brings him joy. We fight a lot. Her partnership brings Him joy. She's not the happiest. Her partnership brings Him joy. Listen to this, Proverbs 5, 18. Let thy fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Now, is that an out clause? Because she's no longer young? No. It means she was your wife. You continue to rejoice with the wife of your youth as you age forward. In what ways? Well, let her be as the loving hind in pleasant row. Let her breast satisfy thee at all times and be thou ravished always with her love. It is a partnership that brings joy on all levels. It's inescapable. physical level, romantic level, spiritual level, emotional level, intellectual level. It's all wrapped up. That virtuous woman, that Christ-like wife has a partnership that brings joy. She works on her true beauty. And again, that's already been articulated, but Peter will say this in the New Testament. Who's adorning? Let it not be that outward adorning of the plating of hair and wearing of gold or of putting on of apparel, but let it be the hidden man of the heart and that which is not corruptible. Even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. Work on the inside. She understands the value of true inner beauty. Now, it doesn't, and I'll say this for everybody, it doesn't mean to the detriment of outer beauty, it's cool to also try there, but really focus on the inside. You say, that seems like that was outside of scriptural scope. Maybe, but we could all try, all of us, men included. I know this, this is one of my favorite, She isn't quarrelsome or contentious. Now look, last week when I preached to the men, I told them that there's weak and controlling husbands and they're disconnected and sinful husbands. And I'm telling you, there's a lot of Bible that says as a wife, you shouldn't be quarrelsome or contentious. You say a lot, a whole lot. Listen, Proverbs 21, 19. It is better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious and an angry woman. And look guys, Solomon was divinely wise and he had a thousand women. That's not good, it just means he has experience in this department. Proverbs 21 nine, he says the same thing in a different way. It is better to dwell in the corner of a housetop than with a brawling woman in a wide house. Don't mix those adjectives up. A wide woman in a brawling house is also bad. It's like torture. That's literally what he's telling us. Proverbs 19, 13, the contentions of a wife are a continual dropping. If I did that until you left for lunch, you'd wanna punch me in the face, if you don't already, and I'm cool with it. It's actual torture. Proverbs 27, 15. A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike, Solomon says. Like, he's so specific. A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are exactly the same thing. So a Christ-like woman is not quarrelsome or contentious. We use this term, nagging, right? You say, actually, that's kind of how I get things done. Well, actually, that takes us back to the curse of sin and the seeking to manipulate, to form in fashion, and to have your will done. It all goes back to Genesis. All of it is Bible. The Christ-like woman works hard. She seeketh wool and flax and worketh willingly with her hands. She's like the merchant's ships. She bringeth her food from afar, riseth also while it is yet night, giveth meat to her household and a portion to her maidens. She considereth a field and buyeth it. With the fruit of her hands she planted the vineyard." Listen, she's disciplined, she's diligent, she has goals. starts businesses, she succeeds, she works towards her goals. At the end of verse 17, and this is just thrown in there for free, she goes to the gym. Because in the second part of verse 17 it says, she strengtheneth her arms. I said it at 9.45 and I was like, you can cut that before the 11 o'clock service because you don't have to go to the gym. And in fact, in my notes, I promise, there's a little smiley face right there that means don't say this with an ounce of sincerity. She puts others first, verse 20. She stretcheth out her hand to the poor, yea, She reacheth forth her hands to the needy. She delights in helping others. And honestly, she has the wherewithal and the wisdom to actually be helpful. She cares for her home. Proverbs 31, 21, she's not afraid of the snow. For all her household are clothed with scarlet. She takes care of them. Again, this rolls all the way to the New Testament. Titus is on the island of Crete, and he is leading a church. Paul is equipping him to lead that church, and he's telling him how the aged men should teach the young men, and he's specific, the aged ladies, the older ladies, should teach the younger ladies. Here's what Paul says to Titus that they should teach, that they may teach the young women to be sober. to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home. good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. And that cuts a little bit like a knife, and it punches like a closed fist because of that terminology, obedient to her own husband. But again, it is the idea of reverence and submission. It is the idea of equal value, differing roles. It's not as harsh as it may hit our ears. It is done for the mutual benefit of both, the mutual blessing of all parties. If we go all the way back to the beginning, we look at the moorings that we have, eternal principles that don't belong to Baptist or any denomination. They don't belong to one gender. They are divinely laid down for us. There is order in creation that puts firstness, headship, accountability on the man. The role of the helpmeet, the helper suitable, the completing part belongs to the woman. No doubt it is undeniable sin has ruined how we see it and our capacity to live it out as natural. But we are equipped by the Holy Spirit and we have the scripture to understand it is possible to have loving husbands and to have Christ-like wives. I'll conclude simply by reading what one said. According to the paradigm that scripture sets forth, The wife is the helper who is not domineering, manipulative, coercive, passive, or destructive. Instead, she's characterized by honoring and respecting her husband with a heart of service and by a genuine contribution to the two-person team that complements the husband's strengths and weaknesses. This is possible only where the Spirit of Christ reigns, fills, and empowers. Understand, creation tells us what it should be. The curse ruins what it should be, but Christ-likeness and the Scripture and the Holy Spirit enable us to set things right. It just requires humility. Now, I understand if I ever run for public office, these are the kind of messages that will make sure I don't get votes. They will play these in ads over and over and over and over and over and over and over. And over and over and they'll think that I'm a horrible person. But I've not given anything that is misogynistic. I've not given anything from a male viewpoint. I've not given anything that is solely Baptistic ideology. All we've done is walk from Genesis through Scripture. Everything is in here. What's required of us is just submissive humility to just do what God said. Would you please just for a moment bow your heads with me? Thanks for listening this week to the Graceway Baptist Church Podcast. For more information about our church and our ministries, head on over to our website at gracewaycharlotte.org. We are a church located in South Charlotte. We are growing and our ministries are doing big things for Christ. If you're looking for a way to get plugged into what we're doing, email us at info at gracewaycharlotte.org. Also, stay in the loop with everything happening by following us on Facebook and Instagram. Our handle is GracewayCharlotte. Thanks again for listening to the Graceway Charlotte podcast. We'll see you next week.