Turn with me to Ephesians chapter 5 and we get to cover the role of husbands this evening, you know one of the You know, sometimes as you're as you're growing up you you hear a song and it takes you back to And I better start this timer, because I'm not going to pay attention. All right, so we're good now. And it just takes you back to the instance where you heard the song the first time. And it takes you back and gives you a good memory. And Ephesians 525, or 525 through 33, takes me back 20 years ago. I was involved in a small group men's Saturday morning study. 6 AM started. I was a newlywed. I was 23 years old. I'd been married less than six months. And I was in a Bible study with a bunch of men who were in their 60s and 70s. And of course, those were the only guys that would get up at 6 AM other than me, I guess. So we had this Bible study. And we were studying through the book of Ephesians. And the way the study worked was every week they would rotate the next section around to the next man. And here I am, 23 years old, newly wed. I knew I didn't know anything. I'd gotten out of my teenage years, so I realized a little bit more that I didn't know everything. But it was really kind of humbling for me because I got assigned this passage to teach the six men who on average had been married for 30 to 35 years. And I thought, what am I gonna say to these guys? And I just dreaded teaching this section, like the whole week. It was good for me to study, but I knew I didn't have much to say. So hopefully I got a little bit more to say tonight. I've been married 20 years. And like most things we learn in life, we learn a lot through failure, don't we? We learn a lot by what not to do. And so I can attest to that in terms of being a husband. And so join me in Ephesians chapter five. As we do, I want to just kind of give some introductory comments. And Sean touched on some of these, but in terms of just ramping up to our section, I wanted to make a couple of comments here. And, you know, although the roles in marriage are different, very different, we're going to see that even as we get into the role of the husband. We have to remember that the intrinsic worth and the intrinsic value of each person are completely the same before the Lord. That is that is so important as we come to marriage It's not like one is ranked higher than the other one is on a higher plane than the other They are all they're both especially when we're talking about believers in Jesus Christ. They are loved. They are valued They are accepted just the way they are Jesus Christ and that is that is a big Hallelujah, it really is we bring two equal yet different Partners in a one-flesh relationship. So very very important, you know, even biologically you don't have to be a scientist to know this but men and women are different and Just a little, right? They actually say that 99%, this will blow you away, 99% of genetic coding for male and female is exactly the same, 99%. Only 1% gives the differences that we see. And so it's just, again, unique, this equal, this value and worth of each person. You know, nowhere in the scripture do the biblical authors emphasize the rights of husbands or the rights of wives. The biblical authors emphasize what? The roles or the duties of the husband and the wife. And you know, many marriages have issues in just this area. Because typically, when somebody comes to the office for counseling, what are they saying? Well, this is my right. In fact, most women know Ephesians 5.25. better than Ephesians 5.22. And most men know Ephesians 5.22 better than they know Ephesians 5.25. Because they're interested in their rights and the way that they should be treated. And so the focus is always out there instead of realizing before the Lord, each one of us in a marriage relationship has responsibility. Now many marriages fail because the husband does not know how to lead biblically or he refuses to be a biblical leader. And Sean kind of alluded to that. That's why we've got garages and man caves. And I was even watching a House Hunter episode and one guy called it his Heidi hole. I've never, I didn't know if that was like a, he was in North Dakota. So I don't know if that was a North Dakota thing. But that's what husbands do, they withdraw. They withdraw, they pull out. They say, ah, forget it, I'm out. And that is shirking the responsibility to be a biblical leader, and marriages will fail as a result of that. Now, let me give a quick word or note to the wives. Keep your elbows to yourself. The next hour, that is going to be a major temptation for you. And and I'm sorry if your husband was elbowing you last hour, but this is not the time to do that. In fact, we want to let the spirit of God speak to his heart. This is a private letter to husbands. You get to listen in. You get to listen in, but it's really a private letter to your husband. So be praying for him during this hour. Maybe the Lord would show him something or convince him or persuade him of something in this passage that would just really impact your marriage. And hopefully you view the same, you view last hours the same way. You know, one of the commentators that I read is a guy by the name of Homer Kent. And he made a great point here. Paul, in this last section, Sean shared with us that Paul had told wives to be in subjection. But you'll notice he doesn't follow up here to tell husbands to treat their wives as subjects. It's never communicated. And sometimes husbands, that's exactly what they do. They take their Bibles. I hate to even admit this, but why not? The pulpit oftentimes a confessional, right? First year of marriage, Carrie and I were navigating our first year of marriage. That was our toughest year, by the way. Everyone says, oh, you're newlyweds, it's all bliss. We've actually gotten better as time has gone on. That first year, we were just learning so much. We were growing up and really together. But I remember one day after work, we were in some kind of fight and argument. And of course, the way I remember it, it was all her fault. I don't know if that's true or not. She probably has a different story and she's probably right, whatever her version is. But I remember as a young man, as a man who wanted to lead my family, and the way I used to mistreat my wife. And this is just one example. But I remember picking her up after my job one day and taking her to get her a drink and basically flopping the Bible down and say, you know, Ephesians 5.22, what's up? Basically is what I said Fijians 522. What's up? Right? What's going on and Praise God. My wife is very sweet. But you know what? She knows how to stick it back to me, too She said Ephesians 525. What's up? so we argued about that, but I Men are not given the command to make their wives subject to them. That's the point. That's the point They they are told something much different and we'll kind of get to that Now before we get to the instruction for husbands in verse 25, this is what we've got to understand There are assumed resources for the husband described in verse 18 If you come to a job and you don't know what resources you possess you're going to have a lot of problems Let me give you an example if I own this house and It's for sale, by the way. No, just kidding. But if I own this house and I ask you to mow the lawn, there's lots of different options. Let's say I even said, hey, go back to my tool shed. I got some stuff in the tool shed. You start digging around, you find a scalpel. You're like, man, I'm going to take care of the lawn with a scalpel. That's the first tool you find. And you're walking out the door, and you say, no, no, the scalpel won't work as well as the hunting knife. That'll actually kind of give me some better traction here. And you say, well, no, that won't work as well as a pair of scissors. And you begin to think through cutting the lawn using these tools at your disposal. I've got kind of a funny story I need to share. This is actually written by a man who learned a great lesson about being a husband, and so this is what he wrote. One year our lawnmower broke, and it wouldn't run, and my wife kept asking me to fix it. And days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months. I even hear husbands up here laughing, we know how this works, we know how this goes. And he always had something more important to take care of. Yeah, I'll get to that lawnmower, I'll take care of that. And so finally, she thought of a way to make her point very clear to him that the lawnmower needed to be fixed. He arrived home from work one day, he found her seated on the grass, cutting the grass with a pair of scissors. And as he walks by, he stops, he looks down at her. She doesn't even look up at him. She's just working on the grass. She's making her point. And so as a husband, he goes into the house and he grabs a toothbrush. And he brings the toothbrush out and he says, hey, while you're at it, maybe you could sweep the driveway. And then he finishes the story this way. The doctors say I will walk again. But I'll always have a limp. So you come to this opportunity to mow the grass, you've got all of these tools, and finally you find a push mower, and you say, okay, that'll work. That's a great resource to have. That's a great tool to mow the lawn. Or if you're from Texas or somewhere in the South, you've got a redneck version of a riding mower. You got a buddy that comes over with a four-wheeler, and now you've got a riding mower. But no, in all seriousness, There's a riding mower in the lawn. Now given all of those options, if you were to mow that lawn, what would you choose? Well, I think pretty simply we'd choose the riding lawn mower. So in order husbands to love your wives as Christ loved the church, what resources will you use? Well, we jump back to verse 18 and we see that we've got a tool shed full of resources. He's got a name. He's the Holy Spirit of God. And the Spirit of God wants to produce the life of Jesus Christ in and through you to love your wife in a way that you could never love your wife. We, the way we love our wives, stinks. We're inconsistent. We're all over the map. We expect things back in return. We expect certain accolades. We expect certain admiration to continue loving her. That's not the love of Jesus Christ. That's not the way that he loved us. In fact, when we look at this section, Verses 18 through 33, there are three commands that govern the entire section. We've looked at the first one, Pastor Roxler covered that this morning, be filled with the spirit. Number two, wives submit to your own husbands, that's the second command. And the third command is husbands love your wives. And then what we find with this section is Be Filled with the Spirit sets the stage for everything that follows. Every single thing that follows in interpersonal relationships all the way down to 6-9 is assumed that you will use the resource of the Spirit of God in verse 18. That's the assumption. Because without the spirit of God executing your life, I don't care how much you want to do it. I don't care how much you try to do it. I don't care how hard you work to dig down to be a better husband. It won't happen because you don't have the power to execute on those desires. Your new nature wants to do what's right. We read about that in Romans chapter 7, a man who wants to do what's right, but he can't find the ability or the power to execute on what is right. And so we need the Spirit of God, men, to love our wives. And this has been taught a couple of times today, but one of the ways that Paul starts his teaching on being filled with the Spirit is he gives up a very practical and common example to what he means. In fact, what's ironic about this example is it's licentious. This is not something that we would talk about in polite company. Oh, there's crazy Uncle Eddie, that drunk. We don't talk about Uncle Eddie too much. We don't bring him to the family get-togethers. He's an embarrassment. But this is a licentious example. But you know what? It's a licentious example that everyone understands. We know when we see a drunk person and we know that when a person starts to drink, a certain level of alcohol will act on that person at some point. It will influence them at some point. It will control them at some point. If they keep going, they keep throwing it down. Drink after drink at some point. That wine is going to act on them and influence them. So we understand the example. So in contrast, but Similar be filled with the Spirit in other words don't do that, but definitely do this That's kind of the contrast that he sets up and when we look at this command being filled It's a present tense passive command right now the idea right now. It's imperative that you start right now Don't put this off till tomorrow Husbands your wives needs you to walk by the Spirit right now not tomorrow not after the conference is over Right right now right in this moment You can be filled by the spirit and you begin allowing yourself because it's a passive voice. You don't fill yourself the spirit of god fills you he acts on you and you allow yourself to be filled by the spirit of god in a consistent and Ongoing manner. I like what tom constable said here He said be being kept on filled by the spirit be being kept. It's not even english I mean, it's just like but it sticks right be Being kept on filled by the Spirit is what's communicated here in this command And again as was shared earlier The Spirit of God is the agent of filling he is filling you with the life of Jesus Christ And that's why Galatians says it's no longer I who live We got to wrap our mind around that it's no longer I who live but who lives in me Jesus Christ as I walk by faith and does Jesus Christ know how to love your wife men Yes, he knows exactly what they need. He knows exactly what they need. He knows the words they need he knows the physical touch that they need and He knows when not to touch them with physical touch. He knows when not to say anything and just to listen. He knows when to solve their problems. He knows when not to solve their problems. Men have a hard time figuring that one out, right? Sometimes I'll have to ask my wife, OK, is this a problem solving conversation, or am I just listening? I'm glad. She knows my limitations. She helps me out on that one. But you know what, this is the key. This is what we gotta understand. This is the key to all of the relational injunctions described in the verses that follow. Just like wine controls and influences everything in your life, your speech, your actions, your thinking, the point is now allow the Spirit of God to do the exact same thing. You know, being a good husband is not learning how to control yourself. That's, we've got this mindset, it's like we're close to the finish line, but we're not on the right trajectory in a sense. We have the right desire, but oftentimes we think to be a better husband, we just gotta try a little bit harder. We just gotta learn how to control ourselves, bite our tongue. We just gotta bite our tongue, we gotta count to 10, we gotta take a deep breath. And it's like, find the verse for that one. That's not God's method of controlling our sin nature or delivering us from sin's power. That's not God's method at all. Yet, that's human wisdom. Go try it. See how it works. It ain't going to work. It's going to end up in failure. So rather than controlling yourself, you want the Spirit of God to control you. You want the Spirit of God to influence and control the way that we act toward our lives. The problem is this, too many sincere Christian men, as we kind of make this final introductory comment, too many Christian men are trying to love wives and their own strengths, and that's why we stink at it. That's why we're inconsistent at it. That's why we can't do it consistently. We're willing to sacrifice one day, and if we don't get quite the approbation and admiration that we think we deserve, we're like, phooey on this sacrifice stuff. Stuck I didn't get out of that what I wanted to get out of it and every day our motives are exposed just exposed Bare that our motives aren't in line with the Word of God or in line with the Lord We one day we take accountability and responsibility for actions thinking that that might win us brownie points with our wife And then when she doesn't respond the way we think she she should like I'm not taking responsibility for anything anymore I'm gonna blame the dog. I'm gonna point my finger at whoever I can blame this thing on. And so we don't have the type of love that's gonna be described in these verses, because our love is based on circumstances. It's based on how they respond or how they don't respond. It's based on all sorts of sets of conditions as to whether or not we're gonna continue loving her. And what we're gonna see in the passage tonight is it doesn't matter what's going on on the other side. Matters what's going on here and for husbands. We need to realize that this is between you and the Lord This is you living your life as unto the Lord regardless of how the response comes from the other side and we need to be reminded of that And so we have one of the weightiest commands in Ephesians And it's weighty because we need divine resources. And if we go out to cut the yard with a scalpel, I mean, I think eventually you might get it done. But why not jump on the riding lawnmower? Why not utilize the resources at our disposal? And so we've got that as believers in Jesus Christ. Read with me verse 25. Husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her And, you know, there's some context here culturally. You know, it's interesting because in our day and age, you know, if we were to read this passage, the biggest difficulty in this passage would be verse 22. In kind of sense, I mean, even Sean, I mean, just graciously handling that text, but our culture doesn't like submission. It thinks it's putting women down. But our culture likes verse 25. Oh, yeah, husbands should love their wives. I like that one. You know what's interesting? In Paul's day, it would have been completely flipped. Culture, no problem with verse 22. That's how it should work. What would have been mind-blowing, absolutely flipping the world upside down is verse 25. Husbands loving wives in a self-sacrificial way? What? That's mind-blowing. Doesn't even make any sense. In fact, it wasn't found in Old Testament literature this kind of mindset. It wasn't found in rabbinic literature It wasn't found in Greco-Roman literature of the time. This was flipping the world upside down This is God's idea of how a marriage should work in terms of expressing it this clearly and so love your wives and It's a present tense command. It indicates a couple things. It's immediate action is required. Again, guys, don't wait until the conference is over. Don't wait until your wife apologizes for something, right? It's immediate. It's right now. It's in the active voice, this command, meaning the husband must choose of his own volition to engage in this action. That means he can't sit on the couch and be a lazy bum and say, well, I'm gonna, I'm not gonna do anything until God changes my heart. No, God's revealed in his word, our response, and we've got resources to execute it if we're relying upon the spirit of God. And this is the important thing. And then also represents a continual and ongoing action. It was like one husband that said in a counseling session, well, you know, the pastor said, well, your wife doesn't think you love her. He said, I told that woman on our wedding day 25 years ago that I loved her. And unless she hears something different, nothing's changed. You know, and some husbands, I mean, they're not that crass about it, but they think that way. So this is an ongoing command. This is something that needs to keep on going. This love needs to keep moving. However, and as I just would like to point out, because Paul uses the word agapao, we know agape love, which is translated love in this passage, the husband should have one and only one reaction to this command. It is sheer terror and fear due to his own recognition of his inadequacy to do it. Don't be like the Israelites, oh yeah, whatever God says, we'll do. See, we all tend to think that way naturally. Oh yeah, whatever God says we'll do. Especially when we're in an emotional moment and we're feeling really good about ourself. Oh yeah, whatever God says we'll do. I'll go to Africa, you know, or whatever. We start just committing to all sorts of wild ideas. We should have sheer terror because we should know by this point in our life how inconsistent we are, how often we're inadequate for the situation, how often we fail even when we have the right desires, how we struggle with consistency on a day-to-day basis. You know, some days I wake up and I'm just irritated. I don't even know why. I'm just irritated. And my poor wife on those days, I mean, I see her. Sometimes she recognizes it early and then see her kind of like tiptoeing around the kitchen table. I'm like, what am I doing to my family? Good night. This is ridiculous. I'm walking according to the flesh. I should recognize that in order to love my wife. I've got to depend on resources that are outside of me That's the whole concept of walking by faith walking My faith doesn't mean I'm gonna kind of depend here and also depend here walking. My faith says I recognize I can't do it I've got to trust in somebody else and we have to approach our Christian life that way, you know, we got saved that way and We realized that we couldn't save ourself. We heard the gospel that Jesus died for our sins and rose again. And we said, you know what? It's him and him alone. I'm trusting in him. And if he's not good enough, I sure don't have a chance. So I'm just going to entrust my eternal destiny to the one who died for me and rose again. We did that at salvation. Now God wants us to do the same thing in our Christian life. We cannot overcome sin's power on our own. I don't care how much devotionals you have. I don't care how much reading you do. I don't care how much praying you do. I don't care how much, I don't even care if you pray on your knees, right? That's kind of a more spiritual posture, right? None of that contributes to your sanctification in and of itself. We have to rely on God's method to free us from sin's power. which is our co-crucifixion and co-resurrection with Christ. That's what we're relying upon. And so as we walk by means of the Spirit, we need to understand that in order to love our wives, husbands, in order to love our wives, we have to be relying upon the Spirit of God. We've gotta be filled with the life of Jesus Christ. You know why this should produce terror? Have you ever read 1 Corinthians 13 and understood what agape love is and what it looks like and how it exercises itself in daily life? We all have, because it was read at our weddings, right? We're like, I'm going to do everything the Lord said. I do weddings now, and I feel sorry for the couple. You know, we're going through the vow section. And I'm like, they're lying to each other right here in front of God. They're lying to each other, because I realize that's what I did at my wedding. I had the best of intentions, but I didn't execute. I haven't executed consistently. And so this should produce terror and fear in the mind of the husband, because we need something outside of ourselves, the spirit of God, to execute this command. You know, many husbands are foolish. If you're not, that's great, two fingers at me. And immature. They're foolish and immature because they believe they can just do this. You know, the Nike generation, right? They can do this just like they've done school, just like they've done work, just like they've done their career, just like they've done fixing cars, just like they've done playing sports, just like they've done home improvement. And they just throw marriage in the same category. I can just do this. I can just crank down, crank back, and just really tie the knot a little bit tighter, and I can figure this out. And the problem is this. You can't will your way to success in marriage. Trying harder will just result in more failure. And see, marriage and executing these commands that we're looking at in this section today will not happen as we try harder. They will happen as we trust more consistently. in the resources that we possess in Jesus Christ. That's how it's going to happen. Not by cranking it out harder, not by trying harder. That's what most men do in our marriages, like, oh man, I really screwed up. I really didn't talk well to my wife. You know, we get advice from people at work, like, hey, what should I do? And one guy's like, man, I bought flowers one time, that really bailed me out. One guy's like, I bought chocolates. One guy's like, don't just buy normal chocolates, go get like Godiva chocolates. No, no, no, no. You've got to get some foreign shot. I mean, you get all these suggestions on how to dig yourself out of these holes. You know, you get all of these suggestions, and that's our natural mindset. I messed this up. I've got to try harder. No, I messed this up, and it's just revealing my total inadequacy to execute this command. I need to start trusting in the Lord. That should be our response as husbands. Because agape love is only and always a fruit of the Spirit. The fruit of the Spirit is love. It can only be exercised if and only if the husband is being filled by the Spirit with the life of Jesus Christ again Many men think they can become a better husband by focusing on how to become a better husband The Bible is clear be filled with the Spirit and you will be able to manifest spirit wrought love on your wife and many husbands they just think that if Well, I shouldn't say many. Maybe you're like me. I thought, if I just watch some more movies on love, read some more books on love, maybe I'll learn how to love better. My heart was right. In fact, I had a friend one time. He was having some marital problems. And he told his wife, he said, you just take the kids. I'm going to go to the library. I'm going to go to the public library for the day. Actually, it was a Christian library. And he sat. Actually, it was Barnes and Noble. He was in the Christian section. So let me get my story right. He went to Barnes & Noble when it opened. He sat in Barnes & Noble and read two or three books on marriage in one day. He sat in Barnes & Noble the whole day, read two or three books on marriage, and he came home and pronounced to his wife, I'm ready to love you now. I know how to do it. Think it lasted? No, no. Because he wasn't trusting in the Spirit of God. He was trusting in his own wisdom and his own knowledge in terms of how to do this. And so it's just very important When husbands come to this command, to understand that deliverance and success is not by occupying yourself with how to be a better husband, it's by occupying yourself with Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is always the answer. I think I shared here last year, but there's some new faces, and it's a good point. And it reminds me of the old story from Sunday school. Some of you have heard this answer where a Sunday school teacher is looking for an answer from her young class. And she's like, OK, I'm going to describe an animal. And you guys tell me what this animal is. And she says, it's brown and it's furry. And the kids are like, man, I don't know. She says, it's brown, it's furry, it's got a tail. It's got a long tail, jumps around. Don't know what it is. She said, it's brown. It's furry. It's got a long tail. It collects acorns. It hides them. What is it? Kids are looking around. They don't know what's going on. Finally, little Jimmy, who talks her ear off usually and answers every question, he's even being quiet. She's like, Jimmy, I know you know the answer. What's the answer? He says, well, I know the answer is Jesus Christ, but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me. And you know? The occupation of the husband never has to get less simple than that. The answer is Jesus Christ. The answer is a person. Are you occupied with Jesus Christ? See, that's the problem for many husbands. We get occupied with our wives. We get occupied with their problems. We get, even if we're trying to make solution, we get occupied with trying to be, you know, buying the right kind of chocolate. ourselves with Jesus Christ, be filled with the Spirit, allow the resources of Jesus Christ to flow in and through your body, in and through your words to your wife. That's the answer. Right? We've got it all there. And you can cut the grass with a pair of scissors if you want to, but you don't have to. How many, I'm not even gonna ask for hands. Just, I'll raise my hand for all of us. How many of you have ever felt frustrated or overwhelmed in your marriage at times? Not knowing what to do, oftentimes. Not even knowing how to take the next step. Occupy yourself with Jesus Christ. He will never disappoint. He will never let you down. In fact, when Paul provides a practical example, or comparison for husbands as to how it should look, he uses this phrase, just as Christ. That means Jesus Christ is the example. Throw away your WWJD bracelet, ain't gonna work in marriage. You need the life of Jesus Christ pumping through your veins to your wife, loving her the way that she needs to be loved. And so let's look at this first comparison. We see in verse 25, we are to love our wives just as Christ, just as, here I lost my place, here we go, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. And so this first comparison is that Christ loved the church. We know that Christ's love is on the basis of his grace, meaning what, the church never deserved his love, nor will she ever deserve his love. Now tell me how we typically approach our marriage. We hold out, we wait for our wife to merit our love. We wait for our wife to earn or deserve our love. We'll even spend many days, hours, days, I don't know how long you can pull it off, the silent treatment, waiting to get that response that we need in order to execute the command that God has already given us independent of what our wives are doing. You know, Christ's love, it's unchangeable. Can't be broken. I didn't create the example. I probably would have lowered the standard a little bit if I was writing this. It's kind of like middle school when you're in PE, and they're like, OK, we're going to have you do pull-ups today, and then we're going to measure how many pull-ups more you did in two weeks from now. And I always sandbag the first day. I'm not doing the most on the first day, keeping that bar low. So I do two or three. A couple weeks later, I bang out about 10, and I get an A in PE, right? This is not that kind of standard. This is off the charts High standard right here. This is the love of Jesus Christ This is based on his grace. You don't deserve his love. I don't deserve his love if we got what we deserve What would we deserve? hell So we don't deserve this and and if we had to earn it or deserve it It's no longer by grace. And if we had to earn it or deserve it, it is no longer a gap a love period This is the command. This is the example that Paul gives us We know that Christ in his love prayed for believers and he continually prays for them It's just husband as we go through ask yourself. Do I pray for my wife? Do I love my wife? Do I do I make her merit and earn the love that I give her? How do I respond? This is the example he's using Christ reveals himself in his plan to the church Husbands, are you transparent with your wives? Do you share your life with them? Do you make them dig so hard to find out how your day went that finally she's so exhausted. She's like forget it and I'll just cook the bozo dinner and let him go fall asleep on the couch She's just I'm giving up That's on you, man That's on you stay engaged. She wants to be a part of your life, and it's awesome when your wife actually still likes you Take advantage of it Christ provides rest and helps bear the load in life and There's lots of application we could be making here, but we're just looking at the way Christ has done it just as I'm sad phrase again verse 25 just as and then the second thing that he describes is the sacrifice of Jesus Christ We see in the text that Christ gave himself for the church we know that Romans 5 8 explains that this act demonstrated You want to see a picture of God's love? This is it. He demonstrated it on the cross Jesus died for us. That means he died for you means he died for me died for all of us He died for us. He demonstrated his love by holding nothing back for her We know that Christ not only took the sins of the whole world, but but in this context He specifically took the church's sins, you know apply that to your wife. He took the penalty himself The church will never have to pay for her sins lots of marriages around here. The husband is making his wife pay for her sins and through not talking to her, by not providing for her, by not encouraging her. He's making her pay for it. That's not how the Savior treats us. Imagine how frustrated he would get with each one of us if that was what his love was like. Forget it, John Clark, you got this one on your own. That's like the 400th time you've done that, John Clark. You got this one on your own. But that's not how he treats us. That's not how he loves us. And so it really just speaks to the fact that husbands need to give of themselves sacrificially. Again, despite how they feel, despite how their wives are treating them, despite how things are going at work, that's not your wife's fault, by the way, how things are going at work. She's not calling up to your boss and saying, hey, keep him around, work him overtime. Don't pay him extra for it either. She's not the one doing that. Are you kidding? And yet oftentimes husbands do just what they come home and they take it out on their wife The very one who wants to support them the very one who wants to bear those burdens alongside of them And we come out and rip her to shreds What are we thinking? What are we thinking guys? This is not how Jesus Christ loves So again, their duty as husbands is to love their wives just as Christ loved the church. It's an impossible standard. It's made possible only with grace resources. We have to buy into that truth. That's where it's made possible. Otherwise, you don't have a chance. We don't have a chance guys We we don't have the resources in and of ourself to execute this high calling And so we need the Spirit of God to do it now what purpose is he gives two purposes and what I love about The Greek language sometimes and you can cut you can pick it up in English, too But in verses 26 and 27, we get two purposes. They're indicated by the word that so verse 26 that is He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that he might present her to himself a glorious church Not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish again You're going to notice these two purpose clauses So what were the purposes That Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. Well, we see the first purpose and To sanctify okay to sanctify by cleansing her now really quick just in terms of covering this text Let's let's keep our minds on Jesus Christ in the church for a second We'll go back and make some application but I found even studying that if I try to go back and forth too much at this point I just got confused So let's just talk about Jesus Christ, okay, and the things that we know in terms of what he did for the church. And to sanctify means to make holy. It means to set apart, and I love this definition, set apart from a common use to a sacred and special use. That's a that's a beautiful definition hold that in your thinking because when we come back it's gonna be very important And so the moment the person a person puts their faith in Jesus Christ We know from the scriptures that they are positionally sanctified or set apart By the Spirit of God in the body of Christ first Corinthians 1213 for we were all what? Baptized into one body. That's when we were set apart first Corinthians 130. It's of God that were in Him, right? We talked about our position and the value and so we were set apart the moment We put our faith in Jesus Christ take it from a common use basically a position of destruction that we were due to face and And we're set apart into a special place designed for a special use. And if we're to go further with that, that's why in Ephesians 2.10, the verses that follow Ephesians 2.8 and 9 says what? For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, in Christ Jesus, see that position again, for what? For good works. That he has prepared beforehand that we should walk in them. Okay, so God's got a special purpose in use Jesus Christ by setting us apart into his body has now got a special Purpose in use for each one of us and in fact, it's this position That God has poured out all the spiritual blessings and privileges that exist Ephesians 1 3 I just take it at face value that means that every believer sitting in this room has the resources of God at their disposal all of them And all means what? All means all. It means you don't lack anything. Now, do we need to grow to probably realize what all those are and to take advantage of them? Yes. But you got it all. You got it all. It got dumped in your bank account. You got a lot of stuff in your bank account there. So now that we've kind of looked at that, how is this an image of husbands loving their wives? What's the connection? Well, in the same way that husbands give of themselves sacrificially to set their wives in a place of special value rather than viewing her as common. And the mindset of the husband is that his wife is set apart in a special place. She is set apart in a special position in his thinking and in his priorities and in his efforts. He sets her apart in a special place and, you know, designed for her out of anyone else in the world. You know, by marrying her men, you've taken her out of the world. And I know we joke, or my father-in-law does, he's like, you know, the only reason my mother-in-law married him was to protect every other girl in the world from him. And they joke like that. But you know, there's a truth to that. When you take her out of the world, you've chosen her to take her out of the world, to set her apart in a special place, because you wanted to devote special attention to her. That's why you did it. Because as you thought about whether or not I should marry this girl or not, the thought ran through your mind, if somebody else married her, I would go insane. I would go nuts. I want to see this woman walking around married to another man one day, so I better take her off the market, right? Because I couldn't handle that. I'd go insane. And why did we think that? Because we thought at one point she was special. I tell my wife all the time, you are a diamond to me. You are a jewel to me. Because, and I still feel that way. And I set her apart to give her special attention. I don't give any other girl the attention that I give my wife. I don't give any other woman the attention that I give my wife. The devotion, the priority. You know, my wife's the only person, and I'm not trying to build myself up, but it's just, she's the only person on my cell phone that has a different ringer, right? Everyone else, if I'm any, goes to voicemail. If I hear my wife's ringer, I look at least. No, I'm kidding. I pick it up, right? Because in my mind, I've set her apart. She's been set apart in a special position. I made that decision when I married her. And you know what? She's worth it. She's special to me. We're getting the comparison here of what Jesus Christ did and how it goes back to the husband. So how did Christ sanctify or set apart the church? Again, going back to Jesus Christ and the church now. Well, it's by or through cleaning her with the washing of the water by the spoken word. In fact, the word cleanse there that we find in verse 26 is a participle explaining how the sanctifying worked. is actually affected. And so we see this, that in this case, the sanctifying work spoken of here is accomplished. And this is really interesting. I think it gives us some insight here too, but it's accomplished through the spoken word rhema, the Greek word rhema. The word logos is not used here. So I think there's a subtle significance here as we get to the husbands that I want to kind of point out. And so the point is this, when the setting apart or sanctifying was put into place through the word of Jesus Christ, it was something that he verbalized through his spoken word. Now, that shouldn't surprise us, right? This is the same man that said, light. And boom, there was light. He speaks whatever he wants to in existence. And so it was through his spoken word, his verbalized word, obviously we have it recorded in the Word of God in the Lagos, but he verbalized this sanctification, he verbalized this setting apart of the church. Additionally, the cleansing from the filth spoken of here is most likely related to regeneration and the new birth. And why was that affected on believers? Well, they were free to become something new. They are now new creations in Christ. Every believer in Jesus Christ is a new creation. And so it's this way that words that husband use in communicating to their wives, their special place of value and importance. Oftentimes, guys, we have, it's like you tell your three-year-old, right, use your words. Husbands, we got to use our words. Sometimes we've got to build our wives up Sometimes and you know, let me just say this There's a there's a real practical way to do this guys in a real biblical I think way and that is to remind your wives of who they are in Jesus Christ See their value is Unchanging in Jesus Christ and you know what everything out there is gonna do your wife. It's gonna chip away at our value and it's gonna chip away at her worth. She's going to the grocery store, she's shopping for the family, and all she sees are these airbrushed models on every magazine. She goes out into the workaday world, and there's all sorts of criticism of her, what she should look like, what she should be accomplishing at this point in her life, what she should think, what she should believe, and everything around her. You've got cattiness at churches, You got cliques at churches. You got women that make other women feel like they're worthless and not part of the group in churches. And this is what our wives are up against. And you know what? They need to hear that they have value to Jesus Christ. They need to hear that they have worth in Jesus Christ. They need to hear that nobody can take that away from them. Nobody, nobody has a word or a voice louder than Jesus Christ. You know what? If I have to take somebody's opinion, I'm going to take the son of God's opinion on my wife and I want her to know it too. And we want, we get that opportunity men to build our wives up, to build them up in this way. Second purpose of Jesus loving and giving himself was to present her speaking of the church to himself a glorious church the word present means to stand near or before Someone in this case. The Lord is causing the church to stand near or before Him this is amazing Jesus Christ Presenting his church to himself. In other words. He's got personal care. He's got personal love for the church and it's constant and What's what's so ironic about this is when you think of weddings Does the husband go down into the bridal room and like do her hair and get her ready for the wedding? No, he doesn't present. He doesn't fix her up to present to himself She fixes herself up and presents herself to her bride. See what Jesus is doing personal care constant attention constant love So Jesus will ensure the church is successful presentation in her glorification See Christ Shielded the church from the punishment they deserve he stood in their stead so he defines this church as a glorious church defined as not having spot or Wrinkle or any such thing being holy and blameless and we know that this presentation is based solely upon his work for her and He actually did the work of a man. In the sense of what husbands should do for their wife, loving sacrificially, loving in a giving way, taking what she deserved and placing it upon himself. And you just see this personal care to present her in a way that she's successful. You notice that? She's the glorious church. He's going to present the church to himself in that way. So how does this work with husbands, right? Going back now, we're going backwards over the just as. We're going backwards over that. How does this work? What's the connection? Well, we know that Adam did the exact opposite. He didn't do what Jesus did. He threw Eve under the bus. He blamed her for everything. He didn't know what this death thing probably was, but he's like, Eve's going to get it, not me, right? You know what, though? Husbands do the same exact thing when we walk according to the flesh. We do the same exact thing. We will throw our wife under the bus. We'll jam it in reverse. Beep, beep. We'll back right over. We'll jam it in drive. We'll go back over. I mean, we will just drive over her and blame her for so many things when we're walking according to the flesh. It's the opposite of what Jesus Christ did. See, husbands are to stand beside their wives, shielding them, building them up, bearing some of the load incurred even from their faults. Christ's example is what a spirit-filled husband should look like. That's the point. That's the point of these verses. So the goal, by the way, is not to make your wife happy. You'll hear this phrase, happy wife, happy life. I mean, it's not quite. Simple right? It's just not that doesn't quite catch the essence of what we're talking about here What we're gonna see even develop further here is we are building her up in such a way that God's purpose can be fulfilled in her and Trust me man When you have that you got heaven on earth When you can do that for your wife and be a a tool in the hand of God to contribute that you got heaven on earth And if you don't do that, you got something else that rhymes with smell on earth. So all this sounds good. Paul has kind of given some reasons, but now there's gonna be an overarching theme that we're gonna see in verses 28 and 32. It should impact our thinking as husbands. So we wanna know what this is, this overarching theme. And what we're gonna see is this. It sounds really simple. It sounds really simple, and it sounds so basic. If you've ever read Genesis 2, you know this truth. Husbands and wives are one flesh. You're like, okay, tell me something new. But to God, this is the key. He emphasizes it here in this section We're gonna see that this is part of a divine Perspective on marriage and he's gonna go through this and illustrate this many ways look at verse 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself The word so Here refers to what precedes and so in this case, this is how Christ loved the church. It's still building and Off of this concept the the they ought to meaning that they are indebted to love their wives in the way Described this is God's plan for marriage. This is God's solution for for for wedded bliss if you will his original design for marriage and so men are to take a biblical stance on this there to take a divine viewpoint and the divine viewpoint is this Wives are part of the husband They are one flesh. And you know, implied in this is that if the husbands have needs, they do everything in their power to meet those needs naturally. That's not part of premarital counseling, right? Husbands, if you're hungry, get up and get yourself something to eat. If you're thirsty, get something to drink. If you're tired, go lay down and take care of yourself. I've never had a class on that in premarital counseling, when I was getting married or when I've married somebody else. And yet, husbands know how to do it. Automatically, in fact, it's implied that they're really good at it, too naturally, yeah, and so The point is this that that husbands in the same way that they love their own bodies with that same love They ought to love their wives. Why because wives are part of them. They are one flesh. That's the argument That's the argument here. So whether the needs are physical emotional verbal nonverbal time-oriented spiritual financial Typically, the husband meets his own needs without much coaching. But in order to do this, the husband must know a couple things. He must know that this is essential in fulfilling his role. He needs to take a proactive interest in his wife. And then the most important thing, if you just read one and two, it's gonna turn into legalism. We're all recovering legalists. We are all naturally bent toward legalism. So please hear number three. Need to rely upon the Spirit of God to be consistent in this just having the right desires is not enough to execute Those desires we need the Spirit of God to execute those desires. That's the whole point of Romans 7 and 8 So he says if you love your wife verse 28, you love yourself. He who loves his wife actually loves himself Notice again, there's a personal benefit to the husband when he he loves his wife as Christ loves the church He truly loves himself and even the care for him in his life will flourish again This is a present tense ongoing emphasis by loving your wife biblically you'll benefit from it in your own daily life Paul's going to go on to say that if you really believe At marriage you and your wife become one flesh then you will also understand if you love your wife Biblically, you will also take care of yourself because you are one flesh One flesh just keeps coming into this section In fact, we goes on to say gives us another example verse 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh But nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church Notice the exclusive language that Paul uses here. No one hates their own flesh No one takes an active ill will in words or conduct towards someone no one does this no one does this to themselves In fact, Paul says that there are two ways that we approach caring for ourselves. And he says these are undisputed facts. The very first fact, he says that husbands nourish themselves. And nourish is a compound word in the Greek giving an emphasis to the word meaning to nourish. It's a normal word meaning to nourish, but the compound aspect gives it an emphasis. It means to rear in terms of children. It means to feed completely. Because it's present tense, it indicates an ongoing, non-stop care of the husband's body with food and nutrition. And looking at many husbands, they don't have a problem with this. taking care of the food in their life. We all start to put on weight, it seems, after marriage. But husbands also cherish themselves. Cherish means to make warm or to heat. And the idea is that you take care of your bodies in terms of shelter, provision, and safety. We do this naturally. Now, I want you to see the shift here. This is, I think, a very important observation in verse 29. This is how I would expect it to read verse 29. Let's read it again for no one ever hated his own flesh But nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does to himself See the shift in the example there this he's not talking about Jesus taking care of himself In fact, what did Jesus do? He gave himself. He gave up himself. He emptied himself. Philippians 2. Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus, right? We know these passages. He's saying, just like you nourish and cherish yourself, that's how the Lord does the church. And then where do you think he's gonna go with that? Husbands, do that to your wives. You do it to yourself. No one has to teach you how to do that. You do that pretty well. Start doing it to your wife. This is the example that Paul is drawing all the way down In fact, it comes by this this in this third indisputable fact comes by way of example in comparison again There's a subtle and yet important switch Husbands nourish and cherish themselves just as Christ does the church again notice the analogy veers from where we think it's going to go and it does not say just as Christ does himself, you know the reason for this Jesus understands the Union between himself and the body of believers. Jesus has no problem understanding this, husbands do. We think it's her and she, and it's her fault, and if she wouldn't do this, and if she wouldn't do that, and if she would start doing this, and we never switch our pronouns. It's no longer he or she, it's we. That's how God sees your union. Not he or she, we. That's how it is, whether you recognize it or not. And so in terms of exercising and executing the commands that God has given us as husbands, it will benefit you because you are one with your wife and vice versa for the wives in terms of their execution. In fact, the greatest example I can think of is a three-legged race. It doesn't matter how fast you are. It doesn't matter how fast your wife is. It only matters how fast you are together. if you're gonna win, right? And marriage is one big three-legged race. Whole life, three-legged race. So get, you know, get tied up, figure out how you're gonna make those feet move the way they need to move, and get on down the road together and start thinking in terms of we, not he or she. Okay, I'm gonna give you about 15 minutes and two so hang on to your seatbelts This is the needed mindset verses 30 through 32 and notice where he brings us out for we are members of his body of his flesh of his bones for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh Verse 32, this is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. So again, Jesus understands that the church is one with him, just as a husband should recognize that his wife is one with him. To experience the full enjoyment, the divine enjoyment of marriage, the husband must take the mindset of the Lord Jesus. And so one of the reasons or ways is Jesus recognizing that this loving approach to the church Is the best way to achieve consistent stable and long-lasting growth and properly motivated response from the church In fact, this is why second corinthians 5 14 says it's the love of christ that does what? Constrains us or compels us Love is the motivating factor and the same is going to be true For a husband that loves his wife as christ loved the church that love is going to be a motivating factor For her to respond and so in that same way the love of a husband can be a tool In the hands of god to spur on the spiritual growth of his wife as she learns to respond to the husband's loving leadership through trusting submission again the reason for this We come back to this one flesh concept. The health and growth of your spouse can only benefit you. Why would we tear down somebody that's connected to us? Why would we think that we could drink poison and not suffer the effects of it? And oftentimes, that's what we do when we mistreat our wives. We think we're attacking somebody out there, and the Lord says, no, no, you're connected. You're one flesh. What you do to her is going to impact you. We're in a three-legged race together. We're tied together. We're in one flesh. And that's why I say, husbands, if you want a dream wife, be a dream husband. Be filled by the Spirit of God allow the Lord to accomplish this through you. This is the goal of marriage Now Paul describes this mystery, right? Not Scooby-Doo, mysterious, but a mystery spoken of here, meaning that something that wasn't revealed in the Old Testament is being revealed now. Well, you know what was revealed in the Old Testament? He just quoted it. That when a husband and wife get married, they're one flesh. You know what wasn't revealed? Verse 32, let's look at it. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. The mystery spoken of here is that Christ's union with the church is the same type of union between husband and wife. It's one Flesh, it's this union that guarantees every blessing you possess and it guarantees every promise that God has ever made to you in his word You are union unified with Jesus Christ You know what? That means if Jesus Christ is right now seated at the right hand of the Father. What does Ephesians to tell us? You're seated with him Rose with him you died with him you will live with him where Jesus Christ is You will be also Is that a beautiful truth that that union that secures everything that's true of you every promise that God has made in fact this union is the most unique and special bond of connection that's ever Existed in the world it wasn't known or revealed before the church age isn't that special that unique and Union and finally in summary verse 33 Paul gives a quick summary of the section nevertheless Let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband Nevertheless, it's kind of a funny word in the Greek because it's often used when a writer returns to his previous topic with after digressing You ever heard a sermon where somebody digressed, came back to the topic? Happens all the time. So Paul brings back the two main points from verses 22 through 32. And those points in summary are husbands, love your own wife as yourself. Again, notice these reflexive pronouns. The benefit of a husband loving his wife is both to her and to him because they're one flesh. And then notice the second point. Wives, respect your husband. Interesting Paul doesn't use the word submit here. He uses the Greek word Fabio whose whose primary meaning is to put in fear Excuse me to terrify or to frighten. That's that's kind of the primary meaning of the word but but the words also used to communicate reverence honor or Respect and I believe that's how it's used here in the passage. And so it's just a it's just a beautiful section I you know, I pray For the husbands in this room that that you would take away from that section Exactly what the Lord has in mind for you your wife your wife needs you to walk by means of the Spirit guys your wife needs you to be filled by the Spirit not just on Sunday morning, but like all day Every day of the week. All right, let's close there with a word of prayer. I Lord Jesus, even as we just consider the two commands taught tonight, I just sit in amazement knowing that we're inadequate, Lord. We're so inadequate to fulfill and execute these commands, and yet you've provided a tool shed full of resources, namely your solution for sin's power in our life, our co-crucifixion and co-resurrection with your Son. the indwelling spirit of God who is able to control and influence our mind will and emotions and Actually produce the life of Jesus Christ in and through our lives. And so or we we humbly Recognize our need and may we each one just walk more consistently by faith Depending upon and relying upon your resources and we pray this in Jesus name. Amen