Once again, it's a great privilege to be here with everyone here in this conference. I've already been blessed tonight with the visitation from a brother from Bolivia. He's actually a pilot who was flying from the States to Amsterdam. And he decided to take a train and to be with us here for just a few hours before he has to fly back. And of course, el habla espanol, he speaks Spanish. And then we had another sister, una hermana de Honduras, from Honduras. We have another sister here. So this is turning into a Latin American conference. So all of you need to learn Spanish. It is a tremendous privilege to be here. We are going to discuss one of the most important aspects in the economy of God, in the work of God, and that is the family. Whenever I'm going to preach the gospel, I know that I am going to fail because the theme is so extraordinary, so important. But I can say this, a similar thing about the family. There's no way I can overemphasize to you the importance of what we're talking about here today. The family that God has instituted. and that we need to begin to take seriously. We need to understand what God's will is with regard to the family. And we need to obey that will in the fear of the Lord. I can say the same thing about the church. It is our task to discover God's will for the church and then to follow that will in the fear of the Lord. Do you realize what we have become? And I mean this. If I were to describe modern day evangelicalism, if I were to describe you and me, I would say that In many ways, we are a people who does what is right in their own eyes. Churches are planted today according to the latest strategy, according to the latest missionary system. Our churches are planted today according to what everyone in that church wants, according to the culture that is wrong. And it is dangerous. God has shown us his will with regard to how a church ought to be. And we are to follow that will. We don't just do worship the way we think we ought to do worship. We study God's word to see what kind of worship he desires. We don't organize and arrange the church according to what we think is right in our own eyes or according to what the culture desires. We organize the church according to God's word. Now, let's look at the family. Same thing can be said today. Let me just ask you a few questions. When you met your girlfriend who became your wife and you dated, you spent time together. Did you look in the scriptures to see how that should be ordered or did you just do what was right in your own eyes? When before you were married, did you go from Genesis to Revelation to discover what God says about being a husband or what he says about being a wife or parents or marriage in general? Most people would have to say no, that never entered into my mind. Now, think about it. I just mentioned the two greatest institutions in the Bible. God created the church and he created the family. He revealed his specific will with regard to the church and with regard to how a family should be ordered. And yet the people of God rarely study it. Pastors rarely talk about it. And when there are problems in the marriage, Usually the answers are brought forth from some psychology book or some Christian book that is more secular psychology than it is scripture. Because of this problem within the church, I want to begin this study on the family looking at Second Timothy. Chapter three. Verse 15. Well, let's start in 14. Paul is writing to Timothy. He says, you, however, continue in the things you have learned and become convinced of. Upon what should our Christian life be based, what we have learned? and what we have become convinced of. What have you learned in the Scriptures with regard to the Bible? I mean, with regard to marriage? And what have you studied so much that you've actually become convinced of it? I'm not just talking about reading and saying, oh, that's nice. You've gone into the Scriptures to discover what God wants from a family. With great dedication and devotion, you have studied the Scriptures until you have become convinced. And then you walk in the conviction of that truth. Even most people who want to fix their families. They try one certain method to fix their family, and if that doesn't work, they go to another method. If that doesn't work, they read another book and they're just looking for a strategy to fix their life and their marriage. They're going to the wrong sources and they have no conviction about anything. The Christian life is very difficult. And you will fall if you are not a man or a woman of conviction. When I was a new Christian, a wise man told me this. If you have no convictions about a certain thing, then when temptation comes in that area, you will fall. So you must study the scriptures, you must form your convictions about what is right and what is wrong, and then you must follow your convictions no matter the cost. Does that sound like modern day Christianity? Does that sound like the way we do family? No. The prophet said, my people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge. By and large, there's not much biblical teaching on the family. And a lot of the teaching done on the family in the modern day evangelical church is just a Christian version of the newest psychological theory. In the next three days, we do not have enough time to build great convictions in your life. But my desire is this to convince you that you must order your family according to the scriptures. You must form biblical convictions and you must live by them. And as Paul says here in verse 14, you must continue in them. That word continues important. And let me just give you a few reasons why. A lot of people start out doing good. Very few people continue in it. The Bible speaks very highly of the word perseverance. Let me give you another example of why this is important. If you read just a book on marriage, It's probably because you're wanting to make your marriage better. And so you read a book on marriage that gives you a new theory or new strategy to make your marriage better. And this is what you say. Sounds reasonable. I'll try that to see if it works. See, there's no conviction. It's pragmatism. You'll try it to see if it works. And if it doesn't, you'll discard it, usually after a few weeks. But when you come to the word of God, it's different. This is God's truth. It is eternal and unchanging, and it is not a divine suggestion. It is a divine command. It comes forth from the one who is omniscient and all wise. You don't pick up the Bible if you're a Christian and read something about marriage and say this. That sounds interesting. I think I'll try that. Maybe it'll work. You don't do that with the Bible. Doesn't matter if it sounds interesting or not. It's God's word. And you're not called to try it for a while to see if it works. It's the eternal, unchanging word of God. You are commanded to obey it and to stand with great conviction upon it and order your family through it no matter what the cost. But there's a power in that because now you're not living your life according to some new theory. You're living your life according to the mind of God. Whenever we talk about receiving revelation or information from God, what's the most important thing? His attributes, they're always the most important thing. If we are going to learn something from God, there are two questions. The first one is this. Is he all wise or does he know everything? Because if he doesn't. Know everything, and if he is not all wise, then maybe we shouldn't listen to him. But he is all wise and he does know everything. But then we have another question. Is he good? Because he could be all wise and know everything and be evil. And in his evil, he's trying to trick me. But not only is he all knowing and all wise, he is all goodness and he loves us. Therefore, there is no reason for us to doubt or to waver. We should run to him and run to his word. to determine how to order our families. Now, look in verse 15. He said in that from childhood, you have known the sacred scriptures which are able to give you the wisdom that leads to salvation through faith, which is in Christ Jesus. If I'm a student. And I go to a teacher and I ask him, could you explain to me the Pythagorean theorem? So if I go to a teacher and I say, can you explain to me the Pythagorean theorem? And he says, yes. And he goes to the board and explains it to me clearer than anyone else has ever explained it to me. Now that's not the most complex mathematical problem, but it is pretty complex. So if he answered that with no problem whatsoever, then I could probably go to him and ask him, what is two plus two? Well, that's what we got going on here in this verse. What's the greatest question to life? How can man be reconciled to God? And look what Paul tells Timothy. Not only does the Bible answer that question, but the Bible answers the question in such a way that a little child could understand it. So if God can easily answer the hardest question in the universe, then he can answer this question. Lord, how can I make my marriage good? How can I fix my family? He can answer that question, too, because the family and marriage he created, he designed it a certain way. And he also understands how it works. And now let's go on. Verse 16, all scripture is inspired by God. Now, the word all in Greek means all. If it meant something else, they would have translated something else. It really means all. If you ever lose that truth, then you lose all the scripture. All of it is inspired by God. Literally, the word in Greek is theonoustos. It means God breathed or breathed out of the mouth of God. That's why Jesus described the scriptures as the words that proceed out of the mouth of God. There is no other book on marriage that can make this claim. We can say that a book is good. We can say it's helpful. We can even say it's biblical. But there's only one book that proceeds out of the mouth of God, and that's scripture. And now I am sure that probably everyone in this room believes in the infallibility and inspiration of scripture. And that's absolutely necessary. But it's not enough. It's not enough. There are two doctrines that go together. If you do not believe both of them, you do not believe either of them. One is the infallibility of the scriptures, that it is without error. Probably every one of you in this room believes that. But do you believe the companion doctrine that goes with it? That the scriptures are sufficient, that they speak to every need in your life, and that with regard to every need in your life, you should go to the scriptures. Most people would say they believe that, but very few ever practice it. I do not. You're probably familiar with a group of Christians in history called the Puritans. They are greatly hated by the world. And almost anything you learn about the Puritans from a secular university will be wrong. The world hates them because they were one of the most godly groups of people who ever walked this planet. Of course, they were men, and we do not agree with everything they said or did. But here was the Puritan genius. They not only believed that the Bible was God's word, but they believed that it should be applied to every area of life and that no man possesses the wisdom to guide his own life. And that if a man left is left to himself, he will always choose the road that God did not choose. And so when you look at Puritan literature, you see, they not only wrote about theology, They wrote about the church and how the church should function according to the scripture. And they wrote about the family according to the scriptures and about raising children according to the scriptures. Because the only thing they wanted to know is what did the scriptures say about this particular thing? Now, look what Paul says here. All scripture is inspired by God. And that's referring to the inspiration and infallibility of the scriptures. Verse 17, he says, so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work. Now he's talking about the sufficiency of scripture. Everything a pastor needs with regard to the faith and practice of the Christian life is found in the scriptures. But don't just limit this phrase, man of God, to some pastor or cleric. It has a wider application to every man and every woman who is truly Christian. How can we be adequate and equipped for every good work? Only through the scriptures. Not a light study of the scriptures, but an intense, enduring study of the scriptures. Do you realize that the prosperity that still exists in Europe and the United States is founded. Upon the men of the Reformation who went back to the scriptures at this moment, Europe and the United States as countries are hostile to the scriptures and to God, and yet the prosperity of these two groups, North America and Europe, are the direct result of men who live 400 years ago who were searching the scriptures. Not only did they go to the scriptures to find out how to be saved or to find out how to run a church, but to how to run a family, how to run a government. We are like. A fool who is sitting in the top of a tree, we're sitting on a limb, a hundred meters above the ground, and we've got a saw in our hand and we're cutting the limb that we have sat on. And I can tell you this right now, Europe and North America have almost cut all the way through the branch and great will be our fall. But it's still not too late. We must turn back to God. But here's something that I want you to do as a church for just a moment. Stop looking at the wicked, unbelieving culture and stop thinking about their rebellion and how they need to turn back to God. Let's look at the church. Let's look at you and me. Let's talk about our rebellion and how we need to turn back to God by getting serious with regard to the scriptures. Let me explain to you something that runs through the entire Bible. It's extremely important. Now hold your place here in 2 Timothy and go to Exodus chapter 20. Verse one, then God spoke all these words, saying, I am the Lord, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt and out of the house of slavery. You shall have no other gods before me. This introduction is so extremely important. There is so much in here we could stay days just looking at verse 2. But what I want to point out to you right now is God's claim upon man and then his extraordinary claim upon his people. He says, I am the Lord your God. Now, there is a sense in which this applies to every human being that's ever been born on this planet. God has a claim upon every person because God made them and he sustains them by right of being the creator. He has a claim upon every man. And every man will give an account because of that claim. But now look what it says. I am the Lord, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery. This is a second and greater claim. You see, God has a claim on every man because he is every man's creator and they are responsible to him. and they will be judged by him. But upon God's people, he has an even greater claim because he is not only their creator, he is their redeemer. They owe him more allegiance and they will be held to a greater accountability. Now, when we look at this, this is in the context of God delivering a people out of Egypt. And he did that by performing great wonders and signs. And in the end, he took the life of every first born Egyptian. And he says, because I have done this, Israel, you are my people and I have a claim upon you and you are to walk in obedience before me. You are to do what I say. But now look at us. We've been redeemed, but not by the firstborn of an Egyptian. We have been redeemed by the blood of God's own son. And so he has an even greater claim upon us. To whom much is given, much is required. We are to be a holy people. We are to be a devoted people. We are to be an obedient people. And if necessary, we are to be a peculiar people. And I want to tell you something. As twisted and dark as our cultures are today, it is a good thing if they call us strange. I remember when I was a brand new Christian at the University of Texas and I would go out to this street where everyone would party and I would hand out tracks, try to talk to people about Christ. And one day I was doing that. And these these girls walked up to me, three girls, and they said, what is wrong with you? I mean, you're you just. You're weird. Why are you doing this? You're so strange. And I looked at them and I said, look over there. There's a guy with green hair and a nail going through his nose. And there's a 18 year old girl sitting on the curb and throwing up on her shoes. And there, is the daughter of some man somewhere, a father somewhere, who is literally acting like a prostitute. And there's a young man hanging from the streetlight right now, screaming out sounds like he was Tarzan. So if I don't fit in, I'm pretty happy about that. If we are strange because we do not cheat on our wives, that's a good thing. If a woman is strange because she respects and even serves her husband, that's a good thing. If a man is strange because he turns down a higher salary because it will take him away from his family too much, that's a good thing. And if a man will deny himself his own leisure in order to serve his wife and children, if that's strange, that's a good thing. I want to be crucified upside down. Some say it was because he said, I'm not worthy to die like my Lord, because but others say that he said this, I want to be crucified upside down so I can see this perverted, twisted world as it is. You see, we don't need to worry a lot about how rebellious the world is outside of the church. We need to think more about the rebellion that is within us. I do not believe that it is hostile rebellion, but I believe it comes from deception. and ignorance. The prophet said, my people perish for a lack of knowledge. I believe that families perish for a lack of knowledge. Realize whose children you are. Yes, I know you're a child of God, but there's one sense in which you are a child or a product of your culture. You come out of the 20th century. Do you know what that century is famous for? Two things. First one, there is no absolute truth. Secondly, Question all authority. So you look at the Bible, it claims to be truth. But ingrained in your mind is there are no absolute truths. The Bible claims to be the ultimate authority, but you were trained all your life to question authority, which ultimately leads to two things. One, you have absolutely no direction whatsoever in your life or two, you become your own authority. And both those things are extremely dangerous, especially when you have 7 billion people on one planet and each one of them is their own authority. Now, you said, but Brother Paul, we came here to talk about the family. Yeah, but it doesn't matter how many principles from the scripture I teach you. Unless you believe it's the word of God, you can't walk out of here saying, well, that was a good theory or that was something I might try someday. If you see it in the scriptures this week, you have to walk out of here saying this. I have seen what God has commanded me and I have the certain conviction that I must obey it. Now, I want to look at a few things that are just very important. I'm going to be talking primarily to men. You must be convinced that it is your irrevocable and inescapable role. to care for your family. If you are a husband or a father, God has ordained certain responsibilities for you. If you do not care to know them and you do not want to obey them, you are a rebellious man. And according to First Timothy, chapter three, you cannot even be in the ministry. Because a man who does not manage his own household well is not fit for the ministry. Brothers, we have to take this so seriously. If I am a pastor, it is a terrible responsibility because I am being called to take care of God's bride. If I'm married, it is a terrible responsibility because I've been called to take care of God's daughter. I want you to think about something for a moment. You could steal my billfold and I'm going to forgive you because there's nothing in there. You could steal my car and I'll forgive you. You could even rear back and hit me as hard as you want between the eyes. You'll have to give me a couple of days on that one but I'll probably forgive you. You touch my wife You touch my daughter, I will hunt you down. Now remember, I'm an American who lived in Texas for a long time. But I will hunt you down. And you better hope the police get to you before I do. That's my wife. That's my daughter. Now think about that. If I being evil could love my wife and daughter that much, then the holy love of God, how will it respond when it sees his daughter and his bride being hurt? It is a fearful thing to fall in the hands of the living God. He is a consuming fire. Are you scared? You ought to be. Let's go to Genesis 18, 19. We're going to look at some examples from the scriptures about men and their commission to care for their families. Genesis 18, 19. God says of Abraham, for I have chosen him so that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice. Now, we've been studying Ephesians all week. And we talked about election and with regard to election, I told you, just read the wonderful confessions here in Holland, because I was going to study about the implications of election. The Bible says in Ephesians one that God elected us that we might be holy and blameless before him. Now, look what it says here in Genesis 18, 19 with regard to his election of Abraham. He says, I have chosen him. I've elected him. Literally, I have known him. Why? Well, here's one of the primary reasons so that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice. As men, we need to just ask ourself the question, are we doing this? I'm not talking about taking your wife and children to church. Are you doing this? Are you commanding your children and your household to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice? Do your children and your wife see you doing this? Here we see the word command that the man has authority in the family. For what purpose does he use that authority to honor God and to serve his family? and to make known to them the truth of God so that they might walk in righteousness and justice. How much time, brothers, do you spend teaching your children about God and God's will? How much time do you spend teaching them righteousness and justice? You say, well, I don't have the gift of teaching. Doesn't matter. You're still commanded to do it. And let me just encourage you for a moment. You say, well, you know, I just I don't I'm not a good teacher. Well, let me ask you a question. Are you a good student? Because no one can be a good teacher if they're not a good student. You say you can't teach your children. How much time are you studying the scriptures so that you might teach their children? Maybe you're not a good teacher because you yourself neglect the word of God and know so very little about what it says. Let's say that a man gets saved who is almost illiterate. He can just barely read. He's a drunk, beats his wife and his children, and the house is totally in disorder. But one day he gets saved. He comes home. He brings food. He treats his wife in a new way, with some decency. He doesn't beat the children. And instead of sitting down and watching something filthy in front of the television set, he asked everyone to come to the kitchen table. They're all scared to death. And he opens up the Bible and he says, I don't know how to read very well, but something's happened to me and I'm sorry for every wrong thing I've ever done to you. And I believe that Jesus has changed my life. The wife. She's looking at him with her mouth open. The children are kind to looking at one another. And he says, I would like to try to read part of the Bible just so you could hear it. I found this today when I was reading my Bible at lunch. I don't really understand it, but I would really like to be like this. Okay, I'm gonna read. Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not act in a bad way. Love does not become angry. It really doesn't matter whether he reads very well, does it? And it really doesn't matter if he's not a good scholar. That family is never going to be the same if he continues doing that. How fast are you? I mean, you guys over 40. How fast can you run? I've got two hips replaced, and I bet I could outrun some of you. You wake up one night, and the house is on fire. Are you going to sit there and go, you know, I don't run very well. I think I'm just going to stay here and get burned up. Or you go over here to this lake that we have on the campground, and you see your five-year-old daughter drowning. Are you going to say this to yourself? I don't swim very well, so I guess she's just going to have to drown. But that's exactly what you're doing when you say, I'm just not a good Bible teacher, so I'm not going to do what God said, and I'm not going to try to teach my family the Bible. I'll just let the pastor do it. I'm sorry. That's not what God commanded, but that your children learn about God from you. Now, I want us to go. I want us to look at verse 20. Genesis 18 20 and the Lord said the outcry from Sodom and Gomorrah is indeed great and their sin is exceedingly grave. I find it interesting that these two things are said in verses that touch one another. Abraham lived in a twisted, violent, immoral culture just like yours and mine. And that culture was going to have an influence on his children and his children's children. And the only wall that could be raised up to protect his family was him standing there teaching the word. And they say, well, you know, I'm just going to let my wife do it. God did not give you that option. Let's say that all of a sudden someone was pounding at your front door. You look out the window and it's a guy with a gun and an axe. And he screams out, I've come to kill your family. You're going to send your wife to the door. But that's what you're doing. There's something worse than a guy with an axe and a gun outside your door. The devil himself is standing there and millions of his followers. And all they want to do is corrupt your children. If they can't make it through the door, they'll make it through the television. If they can't make it through the television, they'll make it through the Internet. And if all that fails, they'll just get ahold of your children when you're not there, which in a modern home is about 70 percent of the time. Now, let's go to the book of Joshua. Chapter 24. Verse 15. If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the Lord, choose for yourself today whom you will serve, whether the gods which your father served, which were beyond the river or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Now, I want you to think about it. Abraham makes a commitment to raise his family surrounded by an ungodly, unbelieving culture. Joshua is making the commitment even among the people of God. What he's basically saying is this. Even if all the other church people are so-called Christians decide for something else, I am going to follow the Lord with my family. Now, why is this important? When you begin to take your responsibilities seriously as a father and as a husband, some of the greatest criticisms against you will come from other people in the church. And for the most part, they will be in disagreement with you because they'll be convicted. Because anytime someone takes the word of God seriously, those who are watching their life will become convicted that they are not. You can't just raise your children today according to what is taught and said in the church. Because for the most part, what's taught in the church, if anything at all, is not biblical. How many people in the church have gone, even pastors, and really studied the theology of family? Very few. Now let's go on to Job. Now I want us to look at chapter one. Verse four and five. His sons used to go and hold a feast in the house of each one on his day, and they would send and invite their three sisters to eat and drink with him. When the day of feasting had completed their cycle, Job would send and consecrate them, rising up early in the morning and offering burnt offerings according to the number of them all. For Job said, perhaps my sons have sinned and cursed God in their hearts. Thus he did. Job did continually. We see two things in Job's life that are important things for us. Number one, we see the urgency with which Job cared for his family. Soon as the feast was over, Job would get up early in the morning. And he'd offer sacrifices. He would consecrate his children. He would probably examine them. You see, he didn't delay in his responsibility. And fathers, it is so easy for us to delay. Husbands, it's so easy for us to delay, to put off. We start out thinking, you know, I need to disciple my children. I need to spend time in the word with my wife. You put it off. You don't do it the first night and then you don't do it the next year and then you don't do it in year 10 and then the children are gone and you failed. You failed. I know what I'm saying and the way I'm saying it hurts you. It hurts me. But you and I both have to hear this. This is serious. But not Job. He was urgent. And it's good that he was urgent because his children did not live as long as he probably expected them to. Also, we not only see urgency, we see perseverance and consistency. It says that Job did this continually. He was consistent. Now, let me men, I want to share something with you. Listen to me. I am not perfectly consistent and I do not always act with urgency. But I do have the conviction that it is what I am to do, and if I do not do it, I have failed. It is a conviction based on the scriptures. And since it is a conviction, it does promote urgency and consistency. Now, I want us to look in Proverbs chapter four. Verse one hero sons, the instruction of a father and give attention that you may gain understanding, for I give you sound teaching. Do not abandon my instruction. When I was a son to my father, tender and the only son in the side of my mother, then he taught me and said to me, let your heart hold fast my words, keep my commandments and live. Now, I want you to look at something very, very important. We can see faithfulness in more than one generation. This man is teaching his children just like his father taught him. You say, well, I didn't have a father that way. Neither did I. Not one day of my life did he teach me the Bible. Guess what? That's not an excuse for me. I'm still going to be held accountable. It's got to start somewhere, men. So it must start with us. It's time things changed. Instead of generation after generation increasing in ignorance, we should have generation after generation increasing in the knowledge of God. And whether we like it or not, we're setting the pattern for the way our children will be fathers and wives. And mothers. Also, I want you to look at something that is so important. In verse two, he says, do not abandon my instruction. In verse four, he says, let your heart hold fast my words, keep my commandments. Now, did this father just make up a bunch of instruction and a bunch of commandments? No, he's writing this in the context of Jewish life. Deuteronomy 6, that the father must teach God's words and God's commands. Why does he say my commands then? Because they had become a part of him. They weren't foreign to him. They had become a part of his life. He wasn't just teaching. He was teaching what he lived. And that's what we must do. We can't be like the father who doesn't go to church, but sends his children there because he thinks it's important. We cannot tell children to obey commands that we ourselves neglect. This is one of the ways I teach my children. Instead of saying, children, this is what I'm telling you to do. I look at it this way, children. Did you just hear what God commanded you and me to do? You see the difference? There are men who take leadership seriously in their family and they use that authority to become king. And their word is law and everybody must bow down to it. And they are rude. They are rude. They are proud and they're disgusting. We do not have the right to run our family in our own authority. We only have authority to the degree that we agree with God's word. And we exercise that authority not for our sake, but for the blessing of our wife and children. And we exercise that authority in the context of sacrificial love. If not, we're just bullies. Let's look at Proverbs 23 for a moment. Twenty three, twenty six. Give me your heart, my son, and let your eyes delight in my ways. One of my greatest responsibilities as a father is to win my child's heart. That they love me. that they respect me, that they want to please their father. I'm basically saying to my children this pledge to me your loyalty as I pledge my loyalty to God. Give me your heart. That is absolutely essential. And then listen to what he says. Let your eyes delight in my ways, not just what comes out of my mouth. But let your eyes delight in the way I live. What a tremendous responsibility. Most. Parents do not have their children's heart. Now, I'm just going to say it because it's true. Do you know who has your children's heart? Other children, the people they spend the most time with. They may leave your home when they're One year old and go to preschool or something nursery, then they go to preschool, then they go to grade school. And high school, and they spend most of their time with those children, they form their friendships in their groups. Do they dressed please you, their father? No, they want to dress like their friends. Do they want to come home and eat supper? No, they want to be with their friends. Do they talk in a way and act in a way to please their dad? No, they talk, act and dress and everything else in a way to please all their friends. And their loyalty is there. And they don't even want to play with their brothers and sisters. They're an annoyance. They just want to go be with their friends. Our children spend so much time away from home, someone else does. And we have been taught that that's the way it's supposed to be. If a father spends almost no time with his children, but his children are with other children, that's good. It isn't until a child begins to spend a lot of time with his parents and his father that people start saying there's something strange here. I mean, how is the kid going to be socialized? I got asked that question in England a few years ago. Well, if your children are with you and also hang around with other grown men, And they're not with children all the time. How are they going to be socialized? Well, first of all, my children do play with other children, but their majority of their time is with their mother and with me and with each other. That's why I have two sons that they're brothers and they're the best friends to one another. So they're with us. And someone asked me, well, how do they get socialized? And this was my answer. I said after I preached last night, I went down to High Street to find to try to find some fish and chips. I was in England. And when I was down there, I saw 10-year-olds, 11-year-olds, 13-year-olds, 15-year-olds, and many of them were saying things, vile things that I never heard in my worst days as a drunk. They were dressed immorally. They were screaming out in public, immoral words, and they were doing immoral things to one another in public. So why would you want these children to socialize my children? Why would you want me to have my children give their heart to them? Parents, let me ask you a question. Where did you learn every filthy thing you ever learned? Was it with your parents or was it with your friends? That's why you need to win your child's heart. How do you do that? You build a relationship. Isn't it amazing so many so many dads will come to me and say, I have no relationship with my teenage son. He won't even listen to me. My question is, how much time have you spent with him since his birth to win his heart? How have you guarded his heart so that someone else won't steal it? These are important questions. Give me your loyalty, my son. Now, let's just look at a few more passages quickly and we'll be gone. Ephesians chapter six, verse four. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. The word here in Greek is Potter. It means father. It is father. It is not mother. It doesn't command the mother to bring the child up in the instruction and admonition of the Lord. Now think about that. Our cultures have changed much over the centuries. So if there is any instruction going on in the family now, it's usually the mother who's doing it. If there's any religious instruction going on at all in the family, it's usually the mom. But that's not what the Bible commands. It says the father is supposed to do it. And not just to sons. Father, your daughter needs you just as much, if not more, than your sons. It is the father's responsibility. That is the New Testament father. Now, I want you to look at the New Testament husband. Look at Ephesians 5, 25 and 26. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. Some men are very confused about how they're supposed to treat their wife. They see in chapter six, verse four, that they are to raise their child up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And they also think, well, they're also responsible for raising up their wife in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. But that's not what it says. Now, here's the way I want you to see this. We are to communicate truths to our wives. We are to seek to teach them. But our wives hopefully are also believers. They're also growing in the Lord. And there are things we can learn from them. There is a different thing going on between a husband and a wife than there is between a dad and a child. Notice what we are to do with our wife. And it's amazing the wisdom of God. We are to wash our wives. In the water of the word, we're not instructing and disciplining her like we would a child who has nothing in their head. We are dealing with our partner. We are dealing with our equal, different role, maybe, but are equal. We're not talking down to. We're not threatening. And even though there is instruction, it's not primarily instruction, principal instruction. What is it? Isn't this beautiful? It's washing her. Not that she's dirtier than you and needs to be clean. It's just a beautiful picture of intimacy. And what are we washing her with? Well, it says here very clearly we are washing her with washing of water with the word. Now, a lot of people would take this as, you know, just teach her the Bible. But I think in the context here, he's referring to the gospel of Christ, the proclamation of the good news of everything Christ has done for us and all that we have in him and all that we are in him and grace abounding, unconditional love, all these things. These are the things with which we are to wash our wives with greater and greater knowledge of the gospel. There's a different thing going on here, and I need about three hours to go through it, but it's getting late. Now, I want to show you one other thing. First, Timothy chapter three. Verse one and two, it is a trustworthy statement, if any man aspires to the office of overseer, it is a fine work he desires to do. An overseer then must be above reproach, the husband of one wife. Then it goes on to verse four. He must be one who manages his own household well, keeping his children under control with all dignity. But if a man does not know how to manage his own household, how will he take care of the Church of God? Now, I want to destroy a false idea that's very common among Christians with regard to this passage. People will look at that and say it doesn't apply to me. I'm not an elder. I don't have to worry about these requirements. That's for elders. No, it's not. You say, yes, it is. And I say, no, it's not. You say, well, it says right here, an elder is supposed to be that way. You're not understanding the passage. What the passage is saying is this, an elder must be a mature Christian. And this is what a mature Christian looks like. And you're supposed to be a mature Christian. So these requirements apply to you. Do you see how we can really miss the meaning of a text? He's not saying that elders are supposed to look like this, but no one else is really needs to worry about it. He's saying you can't let a man be an elder unless he's a mature Christian, unless he's a mature man in the faith. And this is what a mature man looks like. We're all called to be mature men. These requirements apply to all of us. And one is to manage our own households well. to be able to not only discipline our children, but keep them under control. When it says that a man is supposed to be a manager of his own home, it comes from a Greek word, pro-istime. Now, istime means to stand. And pro means before, to stand before. So to be a manager of our homes, of our families, we stand before them. Now that means As a leader, but also it means as an example, everybody wants to be a leader, but you can't be a leader unless you're an example. Here's another thing. The last thing about this passage stand before. What do shepherds do? Well, let me give you a lesson on how to be a cowboy. You ever seen a cowboy movie? Is the cowboy out in front of the cattle on his horse and all the cattle are following the cowboy? No. He's not in front of the cattle. Behind the cattle. What is he doing with them? He's yelling at them. He's screaming at them. He's beating them with a whip. He's shooting a gun in the air. I've been a cowboy. Sometimes you shoot the cow with a gun. We don't know these things. I know. You people are too cultured. But since the last time I was here, I have learned to use a fork. Cowboys drive cattle. What do shepherds do? They don't drive sheep. They stand in front of them. They've gained the sheep's trust and they lead and the sheep follow. That's what a pastor of a church does or is supposed to do. And that's what we as men are supposed to do. If you're driving your family, you're not a leader, especially if you're driving your wife. You are not a godly man. A very godly man pointed out something one time in a sermon that I heard him preach. And what he pointed out was this. Well, before I say this, let me ask you a question, gentlemen. Have you ever taken your wife to Ephesians chapter five and says the Bible says you need to submit? Well, that's what the Bible says. But men, it doesn't say it to us so that we demand it of our wives. God says it to our wives. It's not our job to be putting that constantly in front of the face of our wives. It's our job to earn her respect. And the best way to do that? It's by being a man of grace, something I have failed in many times, and I'm sure you have failed, but that should not keep us from continuing on to try and try to be more like Jesus and to be a true leader in our family. Let's go to the Lord in prayer. please visit our website at heartcrymissionary.com. There you will find information about the ministry, our purpose, beliefs and methodologies, and extensive information about the missionaries we are privileged to serve.