We continue our study of the book of Proverbs and good news is it's not about giving this week. Okay, we're done. We're done with that and you and I can both breathe a little easier, but I sure hope that as we studied the scriptures together about our responsibility with the material wealth that God sends our way that you were challenged. that you took stock about what was going on and hopefully you've made some adjustments. Remember what we've been sharing with you for a few weeks now when you and I study God's Word together or even on our own and God is gracious enough to grant us the ability to understand, that's called illumination and He illumines, He opens eyes and He unplugs ears and you and I get to learn and we learn something, it's a grace gift. You and I learn something from the Word of God. Therein is then a moment of decision. Works like that in my life, and it works like that in your life. Once you and I study God's Word together, once you and I understand who He is, how He works, and the principles that He wants us to apply, then you and I make a decision. Either we make excuses so we can disobey, or we make adjustments so we can obey. Bottom line, take that with you each and every day. You and I will continuously make excuses to accommodate disobedience. You and I will constantly make adjustments to accommodate obedience. I wish I can say, that's it, let's go eat, but I still got more to say. All right? But in a few minutes, in a little while, after we study God's word together, you and I will be facing the same. In fact, even as we study God's word together, you will either be making excuses or adjustments. How many of you have read or heard the story of the three little pigs? The three little pigs. Raise your right hand if you're sure. OK, what's the moral of the story? We can eat bacon? If you're the wolf, you go, yeah, ham is good. Smoked is even better. What's the moral of the story? Strong foundation? Yeah. Anything, anyone else? Who wants to go after that, right? That's what I was going to say. Well, the reality is you're right. The moral of the story is that you and I must invest in things that we want to last and stand up under pressure, under hard times. And that's what these pigs and their homes represent. It's not a foreign subject. In Matthew chapter 7, Jesus says something similar. He talks about two people, one who built a house on the sand and the other one who built the house on a rock. When the storm comes, and the storm will come, and in that context is the last storm of the final day of judgment, when the storms come, listen, only the house with the secure foundation will last. Houses in these stories, in the biblical account, are metaphors for the humans who occupy them. We live in a day where building authorities make sure that we build safe houses. It's almost unheard of, at least in our part of the town, in our part of the world, to build a dangerous house. Can you do that? Yeah, put me as the GC and you figure it out. It'll be dangerous the minute I just say yes. But the reality is that there's building codes in place. so that you cannot build a dangerous house. However, you can build a dangerous home. You can make bad decisions about relationships, decisions that will haunt you or decisions that will affect you. Listen, life is about those type of decisions. whether or not you have a strong foundation can really make a difference. So we take a look at Proverbs and the theme for this Sunday and next, just in case you want to miss, right? It's not giving, it's about marriage. And it's love and marriage. Love and marriage, love. Now, if you're older than me, that's just a song. If you're younger than me, that's a TV program. And Al Bundy is the guy you're thinking about right now. All right? But the reality is that the Proverbs talk to us about love and marriage. And we're reminded that a Proverbs-driven life embraces marriage as the most significant of relationships and guards it jealously. We're going to take a look at that. First part of that saying this week. Last part of that saying next week. a Bible-driven life, a life that's informed by the will of God as revealed in the pages of His Word, embraces marriage, understands that marriage is an important or most important relationship, embraces it and guards it, guards it jealously. After all, what is the purpose of marriage? We've shared this time and time again with you, but it's good to revisit. What is the purpose of marriage? You and I ask the average person, sometimes even the average child of God, what is the purpose of marriage? Some people will say, you know, it's this romantic fusion of souls and bodies. That's cool if you're into that non-GMO thing. Romantic fusion. Others see it as a responsibility or chore. It's just the right thing we do. I grow up, I get married, I have kids. I go into debt and I die. And it's like, you know, that's the checklist. Grow up, marry, have kids, go into debt, die. Yeah, let me leave it there. Still others see it as their best highway to happiness. If I really want to get it on, I need to get married, because that's what my parents tell me. You know that movie with, oh, what's her name? What's his name? Oh, dadgummit. Oh, my 50 years are catching up to me right now. Reese Witherspoon and the dude, and he owns a plane. Sweet home Alabama. You remember the beginning of that story? They're in the beach, and they're little kids, and the guy tells the little girl, now, why do you want to marry me? You know what she tells him? So I can kiss you anytime I want. And we think that marriage is that. Why do you want to get married? So I can kiss you anytime I want. Well, that's true. However, it's far from what marriage is to picture. It's about, ultimately, John Piper rightly presenting biblical perspective when he writes the following. It's on the screen behind me. The meaning of marriage is the display of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his people. Now, you want to blow some folks out of the water? I did not hear this when I married 29 years ago. I was one of those that said, I just want to run around so I can kiss her whenever I want. Uh-huh. Because growing up Hispanic, you tried anything else, you're dead. It's just that, you know, okay. The meaning of marriage is the display of the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his people. He goes on to state, most foundationally, marriage is the doing of God and ultimately marriage is the display of God. It displays the covenant-keeping love between Christ and his people to the world in a way that no other event or institution does. Marriage, therefore, is not mainly about being in love. It's mainly about telling the truth with our lives. And staying married is not about staying in love. It's about keeping covenant and putting the glory of Christ's covenant-keeping love on display. Don't you just feel like now it's right? Now it has some base to it. Marriage now has some base, some bottom. It's not just this frivolous, base. It's supposed to display something. It's not about my happiness, it's about the display of God's holiness. It's a display of God on mission who brings two people together and then calls others as those are in Christ and then calls others to say look at their marriage and in their marriage you should see Christ and the church. And when you and I fall short of that, either as a husband representing Christ or the wife representing the church, we are not putting forth before the people, before our neighbors, before our co-workers, our family, the glory of Christ's covenant-keeping love. Marriage is about making a big deal about God. So we look to Proverbs and say, okay, Proverbs, help me out. What can I take a look at? What does it tell me about husband and wife and how important it is? And what do you have to say? So I took a sampling of a few of those verses looking husband, looking up the words husband or wife. And this is what I found on the screen behind me, Proverbs 12, 4, which we'll come back to. As the main text of our study, a wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones. Proverbs 31.11, her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. Proverbs 31.23, her husband is respected at the city gate where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. Proverbs 31.28, her children arise and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her. What about verses dealing with the word wife on the screen behind me? There's a sampling if you want to just write it down. I'll give you a moment or two. These are just proverbs. There's many more, but the additional references are within the context of the adulterous or the consequences of marital infidelity, which we will talk about too. These are all Proverbs that help us grasp what just general. Remember, the book of Proverbs is a book not of promises, but of premises. Not a book of laws, but a book of lessons. Just general observations, wisdom that's just presented in a general way. Generally, this is what we're talking about. Generally, given this is what it is. It doesn't deal too well or too much or too in depth with the exceptions. You want exceptions? You want like, oh my gosh, what do you do and how do you behave and what does God do when life gets really rough? You read the other parts of the wisdom literature in the Hebrew Bible, Job, Ecclesiastes. That's, you read some Psalms. That's part of the wisdom literature. Proverbs is just, these are general sayings, general truths that this is what we can look at. There you have it. For our purpose this morning, we're going to take a look at the importance of selecting a good spouse. What can we talk about love and marriage? What would the book of Proverbs urge us? regarding this. Well, number one, look at the importance of making the right choice. In your Bible, Proverbs chapter 12. Proverbs chapter 12. We read it, it was on the screen, but I want you to have it before you so we can study it together. It's a proverb that is a contrasting proverb. It has the word but in it. So it's a contrasting Remember you have different types of Proverbs. You have Proverbs that complete one another. You have Proverbs that contrast. You have cultural Proverbs that deal with the, they take something from the culture just to teach a lesson. You have completing Proverbs. So you have different. This is a contrast. You see it there. An excellent wife is the crown of her husband. But she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. I think you have to agree with us and listen just because it mentions wife it's not that we're picking on the women today. The reality is that remember Proverbs is a book that God used a man to talk to his son. Great book for fathers to talk to their sons about because the themes are there. So in this context where it was important for the son to make the right choice at the same time the application of this principle applies to all. as we will see. A good choice enhances our lives. A bad choice doesn't enhance our life, brings trouble. A good choice greatly enhances the life of the husband. The wrong choice can destroy the man from the inside out. foolish to think that just because we can remedy that with no-fault divorce in the state of Florida, that that's what happens. We're done. We just get a divorce. No, no, no, it's not that. Divorce is never an easy solution, first and foremost because God says it isn't an easy solution. In fact, if you want God's take on divorce, He says in Malachi 2, I hate it. I make provision for it because of the hardness of your heart. Because of the sinfulness of your heart. Not because I want this and I say, oh, okay. No. Malachi chapter 2, I hate divorce. Matthew 19. So it's not just, okay, just stay. We'll just get a divorce. No, no, no, no, no. The Bible's pretty clear. Why? Because the marriage, marriage is the display of the covenant keeping love between Christ and His bride. There's a bigger picture at stake here than just no-fault divorce. Proverbs 12, 4 begins by telling us that the outcome of choosing wisely an excellent wife or a wife of noble characters or husband's crown or an excellent wife is the crown of her husband. The crown, the crown. It basically implies a good wife brings her husband blessings both privately and publicly. Now, let me, let me, I think I'm going to do this. I thought of this. Let me see. Now, you talk to me. Now, if you want ladies or husbands, guys, just be careful. careful how you answer okay how can or how does a wife be the crown of her husband in private in the private than the lives in them privately and we want to give me some some some answers there that's why I tell you guys be careful I don't want you in the doghouse now you know if I had a wife you know and she's right next to you she would you know wash my toe you're sleeping single on a double bed okay so ladies enlighten us if you want help us out how would you how would you fulfill this saying a wife is the crown of her husband now the crown is something that's seen is enjoyed in private and in public so first let's talk privately so anybody want to give us some wisdom Alex, dude, really? Oh my gosh, okay. Well, listen, listen. It's your funeral. I'm already mic'd up. I'm mic'd, baby. I can just go quickly to Dearly Beloved we gathered to this morning, okay, to celebrate a life well lived and a mouth not well, you know, discretionary. So go ahead, big boy. being your best friend. Oh, man, look at this. Oh, man. That's like butter on a hot potato, baby. Just butter, butter, melting, melting. Oh, I can't see you. OK. All right. Butter, be my best friend, which is true. I just have to live it up. All right, I've got to give you the full experience. All right, anyone else? Oh, we got the gals now. Yeah, baby. Go ahead, Laura. Uplift them. Yes. Go ahead. Back there, young lady. Kelly, go. Not nagging him. Wow. Easy on the smile there, Doug. Easy on the smile. All right. He's like, all I do is win. OK. All right. So anyone else? D, go. Not withholding. I think it's not the debit card she's talking about. We're among adults, but we got some kiddos. So I think what she said, not withholding is not the debit card. All right? OK. Over here. Yes, ma'am. Give them respect. That's what I'm talking about. R-A-S-P-E-C-T, baby. All right? All right? And that's true, because notice that in Ephesians 5, the contrast. wives love I mean husbands love your wives we are commanded to love wives respect your husband you know what how we spell love respect you know how you spell love I'm still figuring that out after 29 years Okay, love, but we are commanded to love our wives just like Jesus loves the church. All right. So listen, that's that's a good thing. You're right. Privately, the husband's crown by being supportive of his call to be the leader of the home, a noble wife respects her husband's God given authority, wives, they submit to her husband's as to the Lord. And again, that word submit is just so abused. Because we think of a doormat and it's not. Because ladies, you don't submit to the Lord as a doormat. You willingly submit yourself to the Lord because that's right. Because the Lord treats you like a queen. So when men do what they're supposed to do, submission in the marriage is a crown. My best business card is my wife. Husbands, your best business card is your wife. And people read your business all the time. They do. That's privately. Publicly, again, noble wife enhances the public stature of her husband. Like the crown upon the head of a king, she becomes the glory, okay? She becomes for her husband her public glory. She builds him up, not only in private, but in public. That means you don't belong to the man-haters club. We all fall short as husbands, like you fall short as a wife. But in public, just like you hold them up privately, you hold them up in public. You don't go like, yes, I support you. Oh my word, when is this guy going to grow up? Really? Okay, he's like his mama. so we get and we can make so much light of that but you know the reality is that listen women you you're the crop when you see the king and you see the crown on his boy there's there's something about and you're drawn to it you're right because the women are granted as a gift to the men For you ladies, elsewhere in scripture, you find encouragements as to how to choose a husband wisely. Husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially, for their good. The noble husband enhances the beauty of his wife, both publicly and privately. He shows her respect, he praises her. So, ladies, Christ is your model. Not the pastor, not the famous guy down the street, not even your godly father and grandfather. That'd be great, and that's true. I had them. But ultimately, Christ is your model. And we as husbands are called to emulate, to imitate Christ and his love for his bride. So if you see the noble character of the Savior in that young man that's vying for your attention, then you see that, then go for it. To that extent, by God's grace, he has the potential to become the godly husband. When the choice for a spouse is made wisely, the consequences are life-enhancing and God-honoring. That's what you're seeing in the first part there. An excellent wife is the crown of her husband. An excellent wife is the crown of her husband. Now, after elaborating on the good, he flips the switch now. He shows us the flip side of that coin. Raises the stakes by warning us against a poor choice. Your Bible may read, a disgraceful wife is like decaying the bones. Or mine reads, but she who brings shame is like the rottenness in his bones. Here the external honor of the crown is contrasted with inner decay. Can you imagine? You go from something that's so beautiful and you look at it in the crown, to now that's, it's, I'm wasting away. I'm wasting away. You may meet people who go, I'm wasting away in this relationship. He's killing me. She's killing me. We're killing each other. I'm wasting away. Wife can bring internal suffering to her husband by undermining his ability to lead. Second guessing is every moment, is every decision, is every thing. Ladies, do you allow, do you give room for your husbands to fail? Failure is an event, not a person. Failure is an event, not a person. Help your husband to fail forward, to fail with a purpose, so he can learn what it means to lead. Sometimes in leading you have to fall flat on your face and then you get up and you move forward. But that nagging wife, right, Proverbs 27, 15, a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day. Is that, is that. Now, most of us say it's a dripping faucet. The imagery is much worse than that. Because a dripping faucet, after a while, you learn to live with it, right? Because after a while, you'll drown out the fact that I'm hitting this pulpit like a dripping faucet. You really will. You just keep on talking. You change your TV program, your laughter, music. And before you know it, this just becomes Part of the background, the white noise. The imagery here is not a dripping faucet, it's a ceiling, it's a roof that's leaking. That if it's left unattended, it destroys the house. That's a bigger picture than just a dripping faucet. I was preparing, praying, and reviewing my notes this morning. It was raining. And right outside the trailer, trailers are metal, so you hear everything. And there was, right outside, there was the dripping of water. You know what? I just dealt with it. It became part of what I was doing. And dripping water like this is no big deal. Now, you have roof leak, that's a big deal. You cannot leave that unattended. It doesn't just go away. You can't name it and claim anything on it. It doesn't exist. It does. And left unchecked, it gets worse. And then it affects walls, and then it brings big problems. That's a quarrelsome wife. That's the decay that we're talking about. In fact, Proverbs 21 says, better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Just a little corner right here. And he's drawing that big picture of, listen, it's not fun, it's not fun when you make a choice and it's not wise. One Bible commentator puts it this way, woman is the very element of home wherein all its relations and affections live and move. When that element is tainted, corruption spreads all over its breath and sinks into its core. And the same thing applies really to a guy, we know that. We know that. Although we're talking specifically about a wife, we know that men can behave wickedly toward their wives. We know that men can cause internal suffering both privately and publicly. A disgraceful husband can ruin the entire structure of that home by not being the leader, by not providing, by refusing to do his part. He can become like a leaky roof because all that comes into that wife is just criticism, mean-spirited criticism. And in public, that same person can disgrace a wife because of the way he talks about her, the picture that he paints about his wife. He can bring inner decay. So the application of the principle works both ways, even though what the proverb is saying is addressing specifically to the young man, be careful how you choose. And that's exactly the point. That's exactly the point. Whether you're one gender or the other, whether you're male or female, on the screen behind me, choose a spouse wisely or you set yourself up for needless pain. Go one ahead on that slide for me, please. Choose a spouse wisely or you set yourself up for needless pain. It's not just because he's a stud muffin. What? Or because she's like, all that? Oh, baby. She's a dime. Perfect 10 for the rest of us. OK? No. There's much more. There's much more. How can we choose wisely? That takes us to the next main point. Guidelines. Guidelines for making the right choice. A crown on your head or decay in your bones? Make a pick. Pick your choice there. Make a choice. I get confused saying the words. Choose your battle. A crown or decay? We don't put this before our people. We don't put this before our kids. We don't put this before our grandkids. We just say, oh, she's lovely. No, no, no, listen, listen. This is a, you're making a big deal here. This is a big decision. You're choosing between a crown and decay. Little lady, he might be a stud muffin right now, and he may have, you know, the whatever abs, okay? He may have that six pack, eight pack, and you're drooling like a little baby over it. But the reality is that that fades, and that might become a keg. And then what? You're stuck like Chuck. Because the answer's not, oh, I just find myself a new six pack. No, no, no, no. So it's crown on the head or decay in the bones. The options cannot be mistaken. Marriage will always have risks because it's the uniting of two people who by birth are sinners. And unless redeemed by the grace of God, it's an upward climb either way. One is without God on your side and the other is with God on your side. So what should we do? Well, you know, I've been using this book as a reference, A Proverbs Driven Life, and they mention three things, I'm gonna share with you. Number one, seek Christ. Seek Christ in your Bible, okay? Seek help from God in your Bible. Look at it, Proverbs 18.22, 18.22. Proverbs 18.22. He who finds a wife, finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord. Guys, you missed your point. Oh my word, really? This is when the guy should have said, like good old Alex here, my friend, you know what I mean? And he means it, I know they're best friends. Okay, but let me say this again, maybe the guys will catch up here. Here we go. He who finds a wife, finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord. No, Rachel, it's from the guys I'm waiting for. They're killing me, man. They're killing me. They're not getting the picture. Now we have the admonition and the exhortation from a lady in the congregation. Let me read it again, third time in English. He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Man, they're hungry. They are hungry! Oh my gosh! Alright, for the rest of us, Proverbs 19, 14. Oh my word, really? Man, dudes, I'm setting you up, man. I'm setting you up for the easy afternoon. Easy afternoon! We're talking nap time! Man! The only one that's taking a nap right now is Alex. Because he's like butter on a hot potato. Whoop! You make me feel like a lollipop on the 4th of July, or whatever the lady said in that program. 1914, house and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. No, I wasn't waiting for, hmm, I'm waiting for an amen again. Guys, you guys are killing me. I'm done. I'm giving up. OK? I know. I know. Listen. That's why I'm busy counseling. It's OK. All right. Success in this venture. Success in this venture of choosing the right spouse. All right? Choosing the right spouse is, you know what? Ladies are looking at me. They're going, you see what I got to live with? I was like, you see? You see? That's what I'm telling you. OK. Listen. More serious. Success in this venture has to do a lot with God. Just like he brought Eve to Adam, he brings Eve to Adam today. You need and brings Adam to Eve. You should seek Christ. The best thing a person can do is to pursue God through a deep relationship with Jesus Christ. And from that relationship, pursue a relationship with someone else. Pursue a spouse. Seek Christ. Number two, seek character. Don't just place priority on good looks. Beauty is skin deep, you know that, temporary. Instead, listen, for the ladies, the Proverbs is right there, look at it with me. Number one, guys, and again, it applies for the girls too, the fear of the Lord. The fear of the Lord. Seek character. Number one, the fear of the Lord. Does this person that you're pursuing, that your heart is being tugged that way and you're saying, hmm, is the fear of the Lord there? Is there discretion? Is there discretion, the ability to do the right thing at the right time? Do you know what does Proverbs say about a woman who lacks discretion? Look at this one. Gentlemen, this is not what you want to quote when you have a fight. Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion. Yeah. Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without discretion. So same thing applies with the guys. Is there discretion? Is there the ability to do the right thing at the right time? Wisdom. Wisdom. Does the woman, is she wise? Man, is he wise? Just in case, so I wouldn't leave you stranded, ladies. I went to the archives and I printed out what you could be looking for, ladies, if you're pursuing a gentleman. Find out the person's character. This is by Votie Bauckham in his book. What he must be if he wants to marry my daughter. What he must be if he wants to marry my daughter. Votie Bauckham. He says, find out the person's character. He must be a follower of Christ, prepared to lead, lead like Christ, committed to children, be a provider, be a protector, be a prophet, priest of his home. Be a person, find out the person's character. Number two, listen to the person's conversation. Listen to the person's conversation. What does it reveal about their heart? You know, you can tell a lot about me and who I am by what I say. I can tell a lot about who you are and what means to you by what you say. You can find out about my kids, what is important in their hearts, in their lives, by what they say. So find out the character, listen to the person's conversation. Check out their companions. Check out their companions. What kind of people do they run with? Shallow people, deep people, godly people? What? What kind of people? Check out their clothes. Last time I shared this, I had a young lady in the congregation said, that's right. He better be well-dressed. That wasn't my point. Because the best Armani suit will do you no good if the guy's rotten on the inside. Check out their clothes. And what I'm after is the wardrobe on the interior. Check out how they adorn themselves internally before the Lord. So ladies, it's not just all looks. What do they represent? Seek Christ. Seek character. Lastly, seek counsel. Seek counsel. the importance of consulting with others when making important decisions. There's wisdom in the counsel of many, Proverbs 15, 22. And at this point, I want us to go outside of what normally we would go here and go toward the leadership team at Grace Community Church. And they wrote a book called Right Thinking in a World Gone Wrong. Right Thinking in a World Gone Wrong. And the elders and the leadership team at Grace Community Church offers us some Some guidelines. Some guidelines when it comes to having righteous romance. Righteous romance. Glorifying God through relationships. Number one, it's not a surprise, it'll be on the screen behind me, the character principle. Focus on being the right person more than finding the right person. When you are the right person, you won't settle for no one else, but the right person. Because you've defined yourself first and foremost. You won't let others define you and take you where you shouldn't be taken. Character, character. Focus is on being the right person more than finding the right person. Number two, the confirmation principle. It's a willingness to submit oneself to spiritual oversight and accountability that God has placed in one's life. You know, listen, there's something to be said about the parent's blessing. Parental affirmation about that person you're choosing to spend the rest of your life with. You have questions about where they're at spiritually, you're part of a local body. It would be wise to seek the counsel of your pastor or elders. Hey, can you tell me about this man? What can you tell me about this woman? How do they serve? How do they love Christ? What's been your interaction with them? Their peers, talk to me, talk to them. Those are just three types of confirmation you and I should be seeking and looking for if we're making a decision of this magnitude. Number three, contentment principle. If you're not first satisfied in God alone, you'll never be happy any other way. Bottom line, contentment says, God first. He is sufficient. He's more than enough. And that's where my contentment resides. No man or woman will ultimately fulfill you and make you happy. They can't. They're not God. And if you expect that of your spouse, you're setting yourself up for failure or idolatry. They can't. They're not supposed to. The only one that can make you feel ultimately happy, ultimately content, ultimately fulfilled, is not your spouse, is God. Contentment. Next is the commitment principle. That means it's self-sacrifice. Love is commitment that culminates in marriage. It's the self-sacrifice. It's not just, okay, it's just for me. No, no, no. Listen, the minute you decide to marry, it's a decision to live for someone else's pleasure. The day you decide to have kids, it's a commitment to live your life, not for yourself, but for others. Commitment. Commitment. Next one is the chastity principle. Here we go. This is the 21st century. Normally, the question is, how far can we go? Physically, I mean, come on. How far can we go? How close can we get to the line without crossing over sin? Here's another application. Here we go. This is how close can I get to the fire and still feel the pain, but yeah. Yeah, I was burning. Because this is what we want. We want to know in relationships. We don't ask, how holy should we be? Let's pursue holiness. No, no, it's how close? Which base can I get to and still have God's blessing? So that's like, how? This is actually burning, guys. But that's exactly what you and I are doing. When we enter relationships and what comes to mind when it comes to chastity is, how far can I go? Not, how holy should we be? How holy should we be? How pure and holy? Sex is God's wedding gift and he doesn't want it opened early. He gives you the greatest gift to be enjoyed within the greatest of commitments. And part of the problem we have today is that we have generations looking at older people, older adults, violating this principle. And then we wonder where the kids get their ideas. The safest approach is to treat the person you're dating as if he or she may become someone else's spouse. Last, common ground. Common ground principle they put before us. A believer should develop a romantic relationship only with another Christian. Don't set yourself up for a spiritual mismatch. God can't bless that. Does he have grace and does he allow you to still enjoy marriage and all? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's folks who, listen, they didn't know about this or they disobey it, whatever. Listen, the reality is that this is just what God is saying. He doesn't throw you out and throw you away. He's just saying, this is what it means. Common ground. So what can we take with us this morning? See, the question that you need to answer and that I need to answer is, am I a wise choice? Am I a wise choice? Am I that person that God can send to someone else's life? Am I that person that God can send to someone else's life? And to answer that question, you have to answer others. Do you know the Lord Jesus as Lord and Savior? Do you feel the Lord? Are you deepening your relationship with God? Are you wise in your speech? Are you humble in your dress and behavior? Is modesty something that starts in the heart, not at the neckline? Modesty starts here, when you dress to make sure that Christ is content with how you look. Not looking for the gaze of men or women, but for the gaze of Christ. That's how you take care of modesty. Not at the neckline, not if this is long, this is short. Again, that's asking this question. How close? You may say, you know what, Pastor, this is heavy, man. And it's kind of late for me. I've made a lot of mistakes. Maybe beyond me. Well, it isn't. Let me read you a couple of paragraphs, and then we'll draw it to a close. The writer, the author, writes, in the midst of writing the first draft of this chapter, The phone rang. On the line was a friend I had not spoken with in more than two years. He had moved away and married. And I was immediately delighted he had called. Then I heard the tears in his voice as he shared the awful news. His wife had just told him she couldn't see no alternative to divorce. My heart grieved for this man, and I could feel the decay in his bones. I don't know the details of this couple's situation or how each spouse's sin may have contributed, but the tragedy has underscored for me the truly vital importance of choosing a spouse wisely. Clearly no other human choice is likely to affect the quality of your life on this earth to a similar degree. But what about those men and women who have already made the choice and did not choose wisely? What do you say to a friend in such circumstances when he or she asks for your advice? What do you say to God and to yourself if the person you choose, who you choose poorly is you? The details of a helpful biblical answer will vary from one instance to another, but in each case, the underlying answer lies in the character and promises of God. One day, Jesus was speaking with a woman by a well in Samaria. You probably know the story. In the midst of their conversation, he told her to go and bring her husband back. With her to that spot, the woman, likely feeling the shame of her past sin and poor choices, replied, I have no husband. Jesus said to her, you're right. When you say you have no husband, the fact is you've had five husbands and the one you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true. Thus confronted with the reality of her poor choices and the sin associated with them, the woman admits that Jesus is right, not denying her sin or making excuses, but confessing to the truth. In response, Jesus tells her he is the Messiah, thus explaining a comment earlier in their conversation when he spoke of giving her living water. In effect, Jesus calls her to move into the future as a new creation, living by faith, forgiven of sin, and making better choices. To all those who have felt the sting of a marriage gone awry, know that Jesus will respond to you as he did to the woman at the well. He will hear your confession, call you to repentance and change, and offer you a fresh, the living waters only he can give. Our poor choices, whether made in sin or in ignorance, do have consequences. This woman's previous marriages were not erased from history. Neither repentance nor regret can change the past, but the Savior who died in our place, suffering for our sins, will always respond to our confession and repentance by offering the living water of himself, his spirit, his truth, and his promises. In these, in Christ himself, we find our only true satisfaction and comfort whatever our circumstances. He's spot on. There's hope. I don't want you to leave here this morning going, you know, I wish I would have heard this X number of years ago. Reality is that you've heard it today and the grace of God is available to you today, right now. So whether you're a child of God or not, you too can turn to Christ for answers this morning. And it begins for you if you do not know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. You need to start there. That's the starting point. Admitting that you've been rebellious, admitting that you've wanted to do it your way, and your life may be a good life. You may even be married to your best friend. But in your heart, you continue to harbor this, I will rule my own destiny. And you're not that person that's out there, and you're just boasting and arrogant. Your waving of your flag, no surrender, is a quiet one. I'm just going to live my life. Or it could be this flagrant, no surrender. Either way. It's a self-delusion, because you have no control over anything. You think you do. The only thing you've done is you've offended a holy God, and now God has to do something about that. And His Word says that He will come against you on that day, and you will be sent to a place of eternal torment, conscious torment. But in His mercy and in His grace and in His love, God has made a way. Through Christ, He punished him, so He doesn't have to punish you. But you have to embrace Him as Lord and Savior, as that atonement, as that sin offering that calms the wrath of God. Will you do that this morning? Will you let God know how you've offended Him, you've rebelled against Him, whether quietly or loudly, through maybe a very moral life or a very immoral life? Would you come to him today? Child of God, how about it? Our marriages, they're a big deal. They're a big deal. They make a statement about the God we serve. They should serve as a telescope that God can put in front of people and they see through our marriage Christ and his church. The largest room in the universe is a room for improvement. By God's grace, you have an opportunity today to improve, to seek Christ, to seek His grace. Let's close our eyes for just a moment. Bow our heads, and I ask you to do that, not so you can look religious, but so you can focus, so you can focus. My friend, will you turn to Christ this morning? Child of God, will you turn to Christ this morning? regardless of your age or even your marital status. Maybe you're here and you're single. Maybe you just need to reaffirm in your heart, in your life, I'm gonna do this God's way. In the midst of a corrupt generation, a corrupt society that says, find pleasure and find it and embrace it, you as a single person that knows Christ says, I will be counter-cultural. For you, who know Christ, your marriage, all to be counter-cultural. Father, do your work as only you can. I don't have words. I don't need to have words. We have your spirit. We have your spirit that speaks and draws people to you. Your word is clear there. And where I have muddied the water where I have spoken unclearly, I would ask that you, O Spirit of God, would clear that. You would either cause them to forget what's unnecessary, trivial, or you would clear it up, clarify what needs to be clarified so they would understand, and they would turn to you. I pray especially for those who need to turn to you for salvation, for the forgiveness of sin. I pray for the people here for our marriages. I pray for our kids who are looking at our marriages, our neighbors, family members. I thank you for those doing it well. Thank you for those who impact my life. Thank you for the older ladies who teach our younger ladies to love their husband. scriptural thank you father meet with us help us deal with the moment now where we are either going to make excuses or we're gonna make adjustments grant us grace in Jesus name let's stand let's sing