The folks that play instruments, and that's a great opportunity if you have a musical ability with horn or violin or anything like that. You want to see Brother Luke Benton or Brother Don Kinstead, either of these guys. And I tell you, I appreciate that group. I want to see that grow. I've already got my—you say, preacher, have you got thoughts down the road? Sure I do. I'm imagining one day a 1,500-seat auditorium with a large choir and a good orchestra pit for a good-sized orchestra. So you need to have your children right now in music. Amen? and uh... you're giving them something they carry the rest of their life athletics is a wonderful thing i played at a plate sports and you can tell that now but i did and uh... there was time i did that i enjoyed it you know there comes a time when you age out you just don't like you know these guys i come over to us uh... have a pickup game a basketball and i say listen on pickups a fork and uh... as best i can do and uh... you know i'm just not into that but you know if you can and i've told my wife i said you know uh... if if i could and i i've really been threatened to do this is to start taking violin because i love it so much and i believe in we need some strings by the way and so we got one lady take it we could have some more and uh... uh... who plays i think and so we've got that need some strings and small horns and different stuff like that and stuff Help us out and so get your kids involved in that because down the road when we build that new building and we put all that in it, we're going to have to have people to play all those instruments. Amen? And fill that thing up. So listen, things to work for in the future. Amen? And so be praying about that. All right? Do what, brother? Amen. Thank you, brother. I appreciate that. I heard something. I wasn't sure where it was coming from at the time. Genesis chapter 2 in your Bibles tonight. That's the free advertisement before the message. Genesis chapter number 2 tonight. And find, if you would please, verse number 18, Genesis chapter 2 and verse number 18. And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him, and help me for him. And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, and every fowl of the air, and brought them unto Adam to see what he would call them. And whatsoever Adam called every living creature, that was the name thereof. And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found, and help me for him." This is Creation Day 6. and we know that God has created the animals, He's created Adam, and Eve has not been created yet. Adam's there, the animals, and they're in the garden, and you find that what happens here is that the Lord begins to bring the animals by Adam and Eve, excuse me, by Adam, and there's Mr. Dog and Mrs. Dog, and there's Mr. Horse and Mrs. Horse, and there's Mr. Lion and Mr. Lion, and Mr. Bear and Mrs. Bear, and Mr. Turtle and Mrs. Turtle. But there's a Mr. Adam, but there is no Mrs. Adam. My wife's laughing at me. What did I say wrong? Oh, Mr. Lyon and Mrs. Lyon. Sorry about that. And I can't be held accountable for everything. Whenever my wife's laughing, I know I've messed up bad. And so anyway he brings, you all knew what I meant by the way, and so anyway, so he brings these animals by and what he's doing, he's fostering, not only is he fellowshipping with Adam, Adam, imagine the intelligence of Adam, why do we call a cow a cow? Because Adam called it a cow, that's why we call it a cow, okay? Why is a bear a bear? Because Adam said it was a bear, okay? And so, anyway, he named these animals, and so God's fellowshipping with him. But then, wait a minute, there's also within what God is doing, He's fostering within Adam a desire for someone like him. You see, every beast of the field had a suitable companion, but yet Adam was alone. But Adam didn't know he was alone. And so God is fostering in him that desire for a mate. Notice verse 21, God begins to meet Adam's need before he knew he had it. Notice if you look at verse 21, the Lord God calls day deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept. He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof. And the rib which the Lord God had taken from man made he a woman and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman. because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Let's pray. Father, we love you tonight, and I pray you'll help us to have marriages that please you. Lord, there's folk here tonight that have hurting marriages. And Lord, I pray that they would find help that they might have a happy marriage. Lord, there may be people here that, Father, their marriage is on the rocks, and what they need to do is get their marriage on the rock, the Lord Jesus Christ. Lord, there's others here that, Lord, they have a good relationship, but yet it could be a better relationship. I'm convinced that you don't want us just to survive, but you want our marriages to thrive. And Lord, You're the author of the marriage relationship, and You're the creator of it. And Father, I pray You'll help us to learn Your principles tonight, the keys to having a successful marriage. And Father, You'd bless us and help us, and we'll thank You for what You do for us and in us. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. Even marriages made in heaven, as someone said, need down-to-earth maintenance work. Marriage is not man's idea. Marriage is not man-made. It is God-ordained. The reason I believe, and we've mentioned this before, so many marriages are in trouble today, is that people get their ideas about marriage from the world. The Bible said, "'Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly.'" Let me just tell you, you're not going to get good godly counsel about your relationship from good housekeeping and true romance and the different magazines on the rack. You're not going to get it from Oprah Winfrey and Dr. Phil. You're not going to get it from going and ordering books off of the New York Times bestseller list on marriage. If you're going to get help for your home, you're going to find it in the Word of God. Amen? God is the institutor of marriage, and in His Word, He gives us the instruction in having a marriage that honors Him, which I believe in turn brings happiness in our lives. And so I want to talk to you tonight about the keys to marital success. And I'm going to go back and catch some of the highlights and then bring us into tonight's message. The first key that we talked about last Sunday night was that of companionship. Look again at verse number 18. And the Bible said, and the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone. Now let me help you put that in perspective. Do you realize that when you read chapter number one, that every time God made something or created something, He said it's good, it's good, it's good, and He pronounced it good. Can I tell you tonight that when you come to chapter 2 and verse number 18, God says it's not good. Now that doesn't mean that God's creation was corrupt. It doesn't mean that God's creation was wrong. What it means is that it was incomplete. That God said that there is one more task that I have to complete creation, and that is to create a companion for men that I have made. And then you notice down in verse 21 that God calls Adam to sleep. The first surgery and anesthesia took a rib and created a woman who would become the help meat, the Bible says, for Adam. The woman was made from man for man. God brought her unto the man. I can imagine Adam waking up, and there is Eve, and he goes, Wow, man! And that's where woman came from, by the way. And so we find that that is a Hebrew euphemism for marriage, and we find that Adam and Eve did not live together, they didn't shack up in the garden, no, God married them. And the word help-meet means a helper who is fit, suitable, comparable unto Adam. And so we find that God created the marriage relationship for companionship. And my wife is my companion. She's my friend. She's the one that God gave me to share life with. And can I tell you, I believe a key to a successful marriage and a thriving marriage is when you learn the principle of companionship. That you learn to share each other's world. That you're involved in each other's life. That you care about what you're doing and where you're going. The other night, I was sitting there with my wife and I said, Honey, I know it was yesterday afternoon. We were having a little Valentine birthday thing early since I was pulling out of town. And so we were sitting there having lunch yesterday, and I asked her, I said, honey, talk to me about some of your dreams. What are your wants and wishes and desires? And I said, if you don't have any, I've got a whole list, so it's your turn. And so she began to share with me things that she desired for our children, for our lives, for our family. It's called companionship. And I want to tell you something, you need to share one another's world, amen? Build companionship in your relationship. But then not only do we find there's companionship, second key is completion. Man without a woman is incomplete. God said it's not good for a man to be alone. And so Adam without Eve was like a violin without a bow. And we find that there's a part of us missing without our mate. And the woman was meant to be man's completer, not his competer. Listen, we need to learn to appreciate each other's differences. Value what each other brings into the marriage relationship. allow each other's strengths to compensate for one another's weaknesses. Listen, men, if we're honest, we have some weaknesses. Some of you can't count, and that's why your wife needs to take care of the checkbook for you. Amen? That's why mine takes care of mine. Listen, the other week, Wednesday night, a couple guys helped me out. I had Abraham at 170, and he was only 120. And I told somebody, I said, listen, I'm a preacher, not a mathematician. And so I say, honey, you know, here, take care of this and add all this up for me and make sure that we're in tune. And so I delegate that strength to her, that area which strengthens our relationship. And so we find those areas that we can help one another. You know? And you need to learn to help each other. There's a sense in which we complete one another. It doesn't make one superior to another. God made us male and female. He made us different that He might make us one. And sir, your wife is different from you in every way imaginable. Hey, I'm grateful that my wife is different than I am. I am. That makes me encouraged. Listen, I don't want to get one of those gems and her get stronger than me and beat me up. I don't want that. No, we'll just keep it like it is. You know, I'm being facetious and stuff like that, but I'm glad that my wife's soft. I'm glad that she's feminine. I like that. That's a good thing, you know? And so, God made us different that He might make us one. Then notice there was a third thing, and that was cooperation. A help meet the emphasis, not so much on what a wife does, it's what she is. I know that most men think that their wife exists just to fill up their tea glass. That's not why she exists. You can hire somebody to fill up a tea glass or wash your clothes, but you can't hire somebody to love you. You can't hire that. No, the Bible says, He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing and obtaineth favor of the Lord. She's my gift. She's whom God's given me and I'm God's gift to her. And so we help one another and we work together. And can I tell you, marriage is a two-way street with cooperation and working toward common goals. And let me ask you a question now. What are your goals for your marriage? What are your goals? When was the last time you sat down and talked about your goals? You ought to have some financial goals for your marriage. You ought to have some personal goals in your marriage. You ought to have some relational goals about growing in your relationship and growing together. You ought to have some spiritual goals in your relationship. You ought to sit down and be able to write out your goals. and be able to work toward a common direction. The reason I believe too often marriage partners are going different directions is because they're not on the same page, they're not going in the same direction, they don't have the same goals. And how in the world can you cooperate? How in the world can you have companionship? How in the world can you complete one another if you're going in different directions? You need to sit down and ask yourselves, where am I going? Most of the time, we're just sort of flying by the seat of our pants and have absolutely no idea what's going on in our relationships. And yet, I believe that there ought to be some marital goals in our lives. One of the things that I encourage young people to do in premarital counseling, when I sit down with them, I say, now give me some goals for your relationship. Where do you want to go with this thing? What do you want to accomplish? Where do you want to be five years from now, ten years from now, twenty years from now? You know? One of the things, I just want them to be married twenty years from now. Amen? We ought to make that a goal. that we're going to stay together, that we're going to work through our problems, that we're going to have a relationship, we're going to pray together, we're going to read our Bible together, we're going to go to church together, we're going to serve God together, we're going to do this in the area of our finances, so that it's not a battle over money. We all have to both have the same financial goals and desires. But then, can I tell you that too often there's stubbornness in that relationship and cooperation in marriage comes from two people willing to confess their wrongs and grant forgiveness and make adjustments in the relationship. And by the way, you'll be making adjustments till the Lord takes you home. You know, everybody looks forward to those retirement years. I'll never forget when my grandmother, my grandfather retired, and after a number of years of working, and he came home, my granddad pastored for 50-some years before the Lord took him to heaven, and they were married for 63. And I asked my grandma, I said, how's it going now that Pawpaw's retired? And she said, it's terrible. I said, terrible. She said, yeah, you'd think for 40 years I've made biscuits and you'd think I didn't know how to make them. He's under my feet everywhere I turn around, he's there. I can't get away from him, you know. And you know what? They had to adjust. They had to adjust. You've got a wife whose husband's a truck driver and he's gone, you know, most of the week and they get used to that line and suddenly he retires and he's in the house, you know, and we've got to adjust, you know. You're continually making adjustments. If you don't adjust, your marriage will go bust. You've got to adjust and be willing to adjust. Stubbornness can turn wedlock into deadlock. and create an atmosphere where the marriage cannot grow. Number four, jot this one down. Not only should there be companionship, not only should there be completion, not only should there be cooperation, but number four, there needs to be connection. Connection. You need to connect together. And I believe within this is the idea of commitment. Notice if you would, verse 24, there are two verbs that's important in this verse. Therefore shall a man leave father and mother. and leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh." We've already talked about this severing of one relationship and the connecting of a new one. There's got to be a leaving of the father and mother and a cleaving to the wife and to the husband. The command is directed at that man. And I preached at Valentine Bank, but if I tell this tonight, and I've already told it here, would y'all just laugh and make me feel good? Because I've been preaching at Valentine Bank, so I don't know what I've told where, okay? I just got this mental thing. But I remember that most of the times, often the problem in this area erupts between the mother and her daughter-in-law. And you have two women, her vying for the affection of the same man. And that woman has a whole lot harder time turning loose of that son many times than we realize. and that son has a hard time breaking away from mom. He does. Usually, the wife has it a little easier breaking away. Now, the dad goes through problems and stuff like that, but the daughter normally does pretty good. She's excited about this new home and this new marriage and this new man in her life, and reminds me of this young newly married couple having their first fight, and he was always throwing up to his wife, why his mama, the way his mama did things, and asked her, when are you going to bake biscuits? Like my mama, and she turned back and said to him, when you bring home the bacon like my daddy. And so, you know, that's the situation there. And so there needs to be a leaving and a cleaving. And far too many marriages have been glued together with Elmer's glue rather than super glue. That cleave means to weld or to glue together. Listen, I want to tell you, at the very outset, God has told us the key to the marriage relationship is this thing of connection, of cleaving together, of joining. Ourselves together. Listen, when a man and a woman say, I do, the Bible says, now listen, there's something special takes place there. And the Bible says, and did He not make them one? There's something that takes place. It doesn't matter whether you're saved or not saved. The moment you enter into marriage God's way, and one man and one woman say, I do, God makes them one. Now listen, for a Christian it's a far greater significance. And there's a oneness in the relationship. When a man and a woman come together for the purpose of marriage, God intends them to be welded together permanently. We need to remove divorce from our vocabulary. We need to determine that we have a commitment, a love that will last a lifetime. There's got to be a connection. I hear this all the time. Well, preacher, I'm just not sure we're compatible. Maybe we need to live together for a little while and make sure we're compatible. Can I just let you in on a secret? There's nobody compatible. We're all incompatible. Some are just more incompatible than others. Well, they have a dysfunctional home. Everybody has a dysfunctional home. It's just the degree of the dysfunction is the problem. You say, preacher, why do you say that? Because there's two sinners living under the same roof. And wherever you've got two imperfect people, you will never have a perfect marriage. Young ladies, They dream of this day, you know, when this knight in shining armor is going to sweep them off their feet. They're going to have this, you know, wonderful marriage, you know, like, you know, the Cinderella or Snow White, Seven Dwarf idea. And then they get married and come to reality, you know, sets in. I do a whole session on real expectation versus real need. We all have expectations in the relationship. We're just supposed to get it, you know, ESP. You know, just got it. If you don't know what it is, I ain't telling you. Well, if you don't tell me, I won't know. Tell me. Talk. Communicate. That's going to be next, by the way. See, we have these expectations that we just expect our mate to meet our needs. We expect it. But yet we never communicate what those needs are or what we expect them to do. Now, I know some people have a list that Wonder Woman couldn't meet it. I understand that. You know? And there's some men, some ladies that Superman couldn't meet that need. I understand that, but in reality, there's a sense in which we must communicate our needs and don't just expect somebody to meet a need that they don't know exists. Well, I just thought you'd put the cap on the toothpaste. Tell them to put the cap on the toothpaste if it bothers you. I know people that's actually just about divorced over the cap being off the toothpaste and they fight over it because the cap didn't go on the toothpaste, or which way the toilet paper rolled off the roller, you know, whether over or under. You know, listen, let me just tell you, listen, you need to share the need, you know, amen? Share what's going on. Talk about it to one another. I know I'm being a little facetious tonight, but still, we've got to communicate our needs to one another. We just don't know them automatically. You know, one of the number one needs of a woman is security. She just wants to be made secure. Warm. That's why she wants you to hold her. That's why she wants you to hug her. That's why she wants you to say those things to her. Because she wants to be secure. How important it is that we understand— I'm going to talk about becoming a husband of value, by the way, in the next message. But ladies, I'm not going to leave you out, okay? We're going to come back to being a woman of value or a wife of value, but a connection. And you can't connect if you don't commune or communicate, number five. The next key to a successful marriage is communion, communication. Look, if you would, verse 24 again. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh." And they shall be one flesh. One in plurality. One times one equals one. In marriage, the two become one. It is no longer yours and mine, but ours. When a couple says, I do, it's more than a pledging of their love. It is a pledging of their very lives together. Marital intimacy is achieved when a man and a wife are not just wedded, but are best friends. If there is any other person closer to you than your mate, then shame on you. Listen, there shouldn't be a girlfriend closer to you than your husband is. Now men, let me tell you something. If that's the case and it's your fault, shame on you because you won't talk to your wife. And you don't make time for her. And you don't commune with her. And you don't give her yourself. Listen, I can't be off doing everything else in the world to the neglect of my wife. You know, if my wife starts really feeling neglected, she calls Barbara and sets up an appointment. I need to meet my husband. I tell her, I say, honey, did you put that on my calendar? You know what, truthfully though, if I look at my calendar and I have it scheduled, and you have to understand that I live, next to the Bible, the next most important book in my life is my calendar. I live by the thing. I live by it. And it goes out there a long ways. And I look at it every day, more than one time a day. I've got too many calendars, as a matter of fact. I can't keep up with all of them. And so, anyway, but if I look on that calendar and I haven't scheduled time for my wife, if I haven't scheduled time with my son, if I haven't scheduled time with my daughter, then I'm failing. If we schedule something for everything in the world, but we never make time for them, we're going to fail in the home. It's important. And I color-code my calendar, by the way. I color-code that. You say, Preacher, you're obsessive-compulsive only with my calendar. And it's, don't be cutting your eyes at me in church, young lady. I'm kidding. We're having fun. But anyway, I'm leaving for 10 days, so I'm good. I can say whatever I want to. I'm getting on a plane and leaving tomorrow. 10 days for her to get over it. But anyway, she'll miss me so bad it won't matter. But, you know, I color code it. You know, family has a certain color. And I look at my calendar, the color code, and I can immediately see whether or not I have made time for those that are important in my life. You know, if I fail here, that's one thing, but if I fail in my home, that's totally different. See, I can't pastor without them. Because, see, if I lose my family, I lose my ministry. That's how serious it is for me. I lose everything I've worked for for the last 20 years of my life. It all goes, it's gone. Doesn't exist. I tell missionaries, they say, what's the most important thing for me to do when I get on the field? I say, love your wife. And they say, well, I thought you'd tell me something profound. I said, it is profound. If she comes home, you come home. You're coming home one way or another, because you can't stay without her. So it's important that we build that relationship. Marriage is a relationship, listen to me carefully, where there ought to be no secrets, no shame, and where there should be total acceptance, complete loyalty, and unconditional love. No secrets, no shame, total acceptance, complete loyalty, and unconditional love. I don't have any secrets from my wife. I don't have... There should be no shame in the relationship. We should never shame our mate. There should be total acceptance of our mate, complete loyalty to one another, and an unconditional love. In order to achieve this, there must be communication. You can't have communion apart from communing together or communicating. In marriage, you must communicate or it will disintegrate. I'm reminded of Winston Churchill and Lady Astor who were always at one another. And one day Lady Astor was infuriated at Churchill and said, if I were your wife, I would put arsenic in your tea. And he looked at her and said, ma'am, if I was your husband, I'd gladly drink it. You know, there's some relationships that are like that. And can I just tell you tonight that there needs to be this communicating, this communing one to another. Be careful, and I want to share this with you. And I shared it some years ago, but I felt moved to the Lord to share it with you again because I think it's this important. Because there's deadly games that we play in communication, especially in conflict. And I believe it kills the communication in the relationship. Don't be the judge. in communication. Always blaming and condemning the partner. Never, never condemn or lay all the guilt on your... Never say to them, it's all your fault. You should be ashamed. You're the reason it's this way. Never start a sentence with you in an argument. The moment you do, you are making an accusation, and guess what happens? There's something that wells up in them that says, who do you think you are? And suddenly we're at it. And so you want to never start, and especially in a conflict, never start a sentence with you. And you're almost always wrong when you use the word always. Well, you're always like that. Well, they're not always like that. Quit exaggerating. It's never always the other person's fault. It takes two to tango. Don't be a judge. Number two, don't be the professor. Always acting superior, talking down to and belittling your mate. Well, you just don't understand. If you could get up here where I'm at and you could see things from my perspective, using little put-downs such as, you're stupid and you can't do anything right and don't you know anything, So it reminds me of the one man said in his life, how could God make you so beautiful and so dumb at the same time? She said it's simple. She said He made me beautiful so you'd be attracted to me and He made me dumb so I'd be attracted to you. The Bible says, let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth. Beware of constant put-downs that attack our mate's self-worth, that belittles them, that tears them down. God said you're never more like the devil than when you're tearing down. Proverbs 25 verses 18 compares our words to a maul or a battle axe. Do you know that words can crush? Somebody who said that sticks and stone may break my bones but words will never hurt me, they don't know what they're talking about. Words do hurt people. They do hurt. And there's some things that you can say to your mate that it might have been better if you'd go out there and you'd smack them. Because you crushed them on the inside. Kill the spirit within them. describes as a sword that cuts the tongue. The Bible says it's just a little member, but compared to the rest of the body, just a little member compared to the rest of the body, but so is a dagger compared to a sword, but it can kill just as well. It's described as an arrow that pierces. Proverbs 12, 18 said, There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword. Every one of us has crushed, cut, or pierced our mates with belittling speech, cut down remarks, We've left wounds that'll take years to heal. You know, I'll just be honest with you, there's times when I'm sorry just isn't enough. It is, but it's not, because you can't get it back. How often has the words come out, and you just, by the time they come out, and you saw the life go out of your mate, that you wished you could get them back. But it's done said. It's said. That's why we got to ask the Lord to set a watch at the door of our lips. Don't be the psychologist in the home. Don't play the part of the psychologist. Always analyzing your mate. Always trying to figure out their motives. All the time, you know. Don't be doing that. Don't be the historian in the family. Now honey, you know that ain't right. If you're gonna tell the story, get it right. You know, I always hate sitting at the table with somebody and that's how it is. I mean, every time somebody starts to say, well, now, you know, it really didn't happen that way. I'm like, well, you just let them tell the story. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter whether it was 1955 or 1956. It doesn't matter if it was September the 1st or September the 2nd. It does not matter. Who cares? Okay? Don't all the time be the historian trying to correct every little thing. Now, honey, you know it didn't happen that way. Just let them tell the story, okay? You don't have to correct everything. You don't have to be an archaeologist all the time digging up the past. I tell you what, there's mates that have got memories like elephants. They don't forget nothing. I always hate when I get in a marital counseling and I get one of them. I'm like, oh my, this is going to be a long night. I mean, they don't even have a book in their hand, but yet, boy, it's recorded up here. They got it, boy. I mean, this one, you know, it's dated. And I'm like, oh my, you know, can't you forget something? Well, I don't forget anything, but it might help you to forget something. Leave it in the past. By the way, if you can remember it, you haven't forgiven it. If you're all the time bringing it up and bringing it up. And I understand that forgiveness is not necessarily forgetting. But it is saying, I'm not going to hold this against you. I'm not going to keep bringing it up. Many times we can't move the marriage forward because we can't get it out of the past. Let it move forward. Amen? Forgive it and go on. Then others want to be the critic. Always find fault with everything. But you know, I think the worst thing is when you compare your mate with somebody else's mate. Well, why can't you be like so-and-so's husband? Or why can't you be like so-and-so? Listen, don't compare your mate to another person. And then, this is the one I have to work at, is not being the preacher. Getting heated. See, I fix things. I do that all the time. I do that... I don't have many hours a week. I fix things. You know? That's what I do. You know? He gets in trouble when I fix her. She don't want to be fixed. That's when the trouble comes. You know, you get your little pulpit out, you give your little three points and a poem, give the invitation, problem is they don't come down. They don't, they don't. Be careful of being the Holy Spirit in the life of your mate. how important it is to let the Holy Spirit be the Holy Spirit. I've had wives tell me, saying, Preacher, don't you think I ought to correct my husband? I say, why don't you let God do that? It'll go a whole lot better. You know? There's just, you know, you don't always have to correct him, you don't always have to correct her. It's so important that we let the Holy Spirit be the Holy Spirit. You don't pray for them. Pray for them. Now, I know how we're praying. Lord, if you could just get Joe right, or Jim right, or John right, or whoever right, God, I'd be right. You know, if I could just get them right. Wait a minute. It might be that God can't get to them because He can't get past you. Maybe your prayer needs to change and say, Lord, make me right. Because if I get right, it might help my mate get right. The Bible says that wife, if you've got an unsaved husband, the way you're going to win them is not by preaching to them all the time. The way you're going to win them is the testimony of a godly lady in front of them. That's how you're going to win them. A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver or pictures of silver. The right word spoken in the right way at the right time is like a golden apple in a silver bowl. Folks, I'm going to tell you something. Our words are so important. So important. We've got to guard what we say. And then if I can learn to communicate on a normal level, then I can communicate in a confrontational level. Let me just give you a couple rules real quickly about dealing with conflicts in the relationship. Would you jot these down? Number one, you confront the issue at the right time. That's not at bedtime. About the moment he gets ready to go to sleep, and, honey, I got a problem. That is not the time to do it. Okay? We never confront issues at mealtime. I even tried not to correct my children around the dinner table. I wanted that to be a fellowship time, not the judge and jury time. It's not a good time to do it at family reunions. a good time. You know, well, Joe over here or Jim or whoever, you know, if I could get him, you know, we're telling all our cousins and, you know, everybody. That's not the time to do it. You need to pick the right time. And, you know, you need to pray that God will help you find that right time. Maybe it's, honey, I really need to talk with you tonight. Or, can we make some time to talk? Or, can we go out to supper? Can we do that? And find the right time. Number two, jot this one down. Right tone. A right tone. If you start off with a confrontational tone, then I can already promise you, it's going to escalate. The Bible says, a soft answer turneth away wrath. Do you 90 percent, listen to this, 90 percent of the friction in daily life is caused by the wrong tone of voice. Well, you know I'm not mad. Well, yes, you are mad. Everything about you said, I'm mad, except you just lied. You told them you wasn't mad. You are. Tell the truth. But do it the right way. Have a right attitude. We say so much with our facial features. I teach preaching in our college, and I tell our guys, I said, you know, I said, when you're up there preaching, I said, you communicate As much with your facial features, your eyes, your hands, your movements, your tone of voice, you communicate as much with that as you do your voice itself. Some men preach like they're mad at everybody in their church. You're wondering, where's the love? Others, you know, they preach like they're bitter or whatever, resentful, you know. And it all comes out in their facial features and tone of voice and how they respond. And I just believe it's important that we have the right tone, that our words, what we say, and how we say it, facial feature, tone of voice, all of that, it all matches. It all goes together. You can say the right thing and be condescending about it in the way you say it. Isn't that right? You sure can. And be careful that you have the right tone of voice and the right facial feature. Just make sure everything matches. And then number three, the right turf. Right time, right tone. Leave the word you and always. No, no, no, no, no. Honey, we have a problem. This is an issue. deal with it and make the issue the issue and not them the issue. Attack the problem, not each other. I know couples, I've watched people have, and I'm like a referee, I'm gonna go get me a whistle. I mean, they're going at it in my office and I'm saying, hey, I'm over here. You know, it's like I don't even exist anymore. And they're going at it right there, back and forth, you know, having a little argument, and it's escalating and everything like that. And I'm saying, listen, you know, you for the last three minutes or however long before I could get your attention, because I don't allow that. It's one of the rules of my office. You don't fight in my office. And that's why I meet in my office. See, if I'm on my turf, then I'm in control. If I'm on your turf, you're in control. So I just do it on my turf. And so I'm saying, wait a minute. You know, you two sat here for three minutes, and you've sort of went back and forth. And the problem, you ain't even touched it. Deal with the problem. You're wanting to attack each other. Each other is not the problem. The problem is the problem. Get on that. But see, what it is, is we've not dealt with the other problems in the relationship. And we've not dealt with the bitterness and the resentment and the hurtful sayings. And all of this is build up and build up and build up. So all that is, is the excuse to go right back at it and get my ounce of flesh or my pound of flesh. What it needs to do is we need to get all of that dealt with and then deal with the problems. And then the right turf, private instead of public. Private instead of public. How important it is that you never, never, ever correct, criticize, or cut down your mate in public. Don't ever cut down, criticize, or confront your mate or correct them in public. You say, preacher, why? Because it embarrasses them and creates within them a resentment that is hard to overcome. Don't forget it. Don't forget it. I always hate to be at a dinner table, and here's a husband and wife, and maybe there's two or three couples together, maybe they're even preachers and we're all sitting around, and here's a couple, and one of the mates is all the time correcting or cutting down or criticizing the other. I'm going to tell you something, that's devastating to a relationship. It needs to be dealt with privately, not publicly. So we've got to always be adjusting. Accommodation is I change. There's sometimes I just need to accommodate my mate and I need to change. They're not going to change. You say, Preacher, oh, you don't understand. When we get married, I'll change him. No, you won't. No, you won't. Whatever's there in the courting stage of the relationship, it's just enhanced in the marriage. And sometimes that mate's not going to change, so you might as well change. Acceptance. You may never change, so I accept it. I'm just going to live with it. There are some things you just live with. Love covereth a multitude of what? Sins. That doesn't mean you condone sin, but you know, we all have things about our mates that, you know what, that's just the way it is. And you just accept that. You accept that. Now, I'm not talking about immorality. I'm not talking about ungodliness. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about whether... Listen, if it bothers you that the cap's off the toothpaste, quit fussing at your husband, put the cap on the toothpaste and quit fighting over it. It's not... Listen, don't make a mountain out of a molehill, is what I'm saying. Just change. Just accept it. That's who they are. You know, that's who they are. And then adjustment. We both change. And boy, that's the thing you need is both of you changing and growing and becoming the person that God would have you to be. These are the keys to marital success. Companionship, companionship, completion, completion, communion, Connection, all of these things are vital in building the relationship, what God would have it to be. Probably everybody in here tonight, something has touched where you live. If we're honest, isn't that true? Probably something you could say, that's us. If we know that's us, and God's brought it to our attention, then that means God wants us to fix it. So why don't you fix it? Quit just determining, well, I'm who I am, and that's the way I am, and you're just gonna... That's a wrong attitude. You need to get the attitude that I'm willing to grow, and I'm willing to change, and I'm willing to be the person, the wife, the husband, that God wants me to be. I'm gonna make it the goal of my life to be God's kind of spouse. And when you do, it'll go a long way in making your marriage what God wants it to be. Let's bow our heads in prayer.