Talented men, I appreciate the good duet by Dan and Brother Don, and then these men here, and I appreciate that so much. Turn in your Bibles to Genesis chapter number two, if you would please. I know some of you are wishing I'd lost my notes, and trust me, I'll preach shorter with notes than I will without them, okay? But Genesis chapter number two, I'm well aware of the time, and I'm also well aware that Dallas is not playing tonight. They're just playing in their stadium. And so, anyway, yeah, there's the terrible tale coming out for the preaching, amen. All right, Genesis chapter number two tonight. I can promise there's a spiritual motivation there, isn't there, Brother Dale? I'm not sure where it's at yet, but I know there's one there. Genesis chapter number two in verse number 18 and the Lord God said it is not good that man should be alone I will make him and help me for him let's pray together father we love you tonight we thank you for your goodness and your mercy in our lives I pray you have this preacher I pray Lord that you'll help our families tonight I pray for those Lord that maybe they've been married for years Lord but their marriage has become stagnant I pray Lord that tonight it'll become vibrant I pray for those that are surviving, Lord, their marriage will begin to thrive. I pray for those that are beginning marriage, Lord, I pray that they would heed your truth, that it might be applicable to their lives and their homes and families. And I pray God you'll strengthen our church and we'll thank you for what you do for us. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. I want to talk to you tonight about the keys to marital success. The keys to marital success. Somebody said that even marriages made in heaven need down-to-earth maintenance work. And then somebody else said marriages may be made in heaven, but survival takes place here on earth, and we say amen to that, right? And marriage was not man's idea. It was God's idea. Marriage is not man-made. It is God-ordained. It's not that man just come up with this idea one day that it ought to be one man for one woman for life. That wasn't something that man arrived at. That's what God had taught them. And God doesn't just want your marriage to survive tonight. He wants it to thrive. He doesn't want it just to be something that is humdrum and mediocre. He wants your marriage to be magnificent. And I believe when we do marriage God's way that we can have that kind of marriage and that kind of relationship. I'm convinced so many marriages are in trouble today. It's because people get their ideas about marriage from Hollywood rather than heaven. They want to watch Dr. Phil and Oprah Winfrey and all that, and they get their ideas from worldly sources, but the Bible says, Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly. Listen to me, your unsaved co-worker is not going to be able to give you counsel about your marriage. They're not going to be able to help you to fix what's wrong in your life. I know what they'll tell you, why don't you just leave the bum? You know, that's exactly what they'll say. Or maybe they'll say, well, I'll tell you what, there's no way I'd put up with a woman like that. Well, can I tell you that God's plan is not that we walk out, but we work through. Amen? And I'm convinced that we don't need Hollywood weddings. You know what a Hollywood wedding is? A Hollywood wedding is a wedding in which they take each other for better or for worse, but they don't take each other for long. And so that's not what we want. We want God's kind of wedding and marriage. Amen? Let me share with you tonight, and I'm going to give you a couple tonight, and give you the rest of them next week on the Sunday night before Valentine's, okay? And so let me give you a couple thoughts. Number one, if you're jotting them down, the first key to marital success is companionship. Companionship. Will you write that down? Companionship. Look again, if you would, please, in verse number 21. The Bible says in verse 18 that it's not good for man to be alone. I'm going to make a help me, verse 21. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept. And he took one of the ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof. And the rib which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man." Let me just share this with you. The woman was made from man for man. You see, God took a man, and then He put him to sleep, took his rib, created or made a woman from that rib, and then brought her unto the man. Now if you'll underline in your Bible that phrase, brought her unto the man, let me share with you, that is a Hebrew euphemism. For marriage, Adam and Eve did not live together in the Garden of Eden, God married them. He brought her in matrimony to the man, and God performed the first wedding, and Adam and Eve had the first garden wedding. And so we find that God married them. Now look at that word, help me, in your Bible, if you would. The word helpmeet, many times we'll use the word helpmate. But actually, our King James translators was correct when they used the word, they're always correct, but in the sense when they said helpmeet, they're correcting us. It's not a helpmate, she is my helpmeet. A helper who is fit, who is suitable, who is comparable unto Adam. That word M-E-E-T means fit. fit, suitable, just the right kind of person or the right individual for Adam. And let me just say something to the ladies that may be sitting here tonight and you're saying, boy, I tell you what, I'm never going to get married. Prince Charming is this elusive thing out there. Can I tell you, if you desire to be married, God has somebody for you. His name may not be Adam. Okay? But God has somebody for you. If you're a man tonight, God has somebody for you. And listen, you need to concentrate on being the right kind of person so God can bring the right kind of person into your life. Amen? Now, man was not made to be alone. God created within us a need for companionship. Adam needed someone like him who could talk with him, walk with him, share life with him, and God made him a woman. I like what Matthew Henry wrote back in the 16th century. He made this statement. He said Eve was not, excuse me, 18th century, he said Eve was not made from Adam's rib. Excuse me, Eve was not made from... What did I write down there? That word not, I don't know why my computer did that. I'll tell you what, I'm going to throw that thing out the window and get me a Mac. Eve was made from Adam's rib. That's correct. She was taken from his side, not from his head to rule over him, nor from his feet to be trampled on by him, but from his side to be equal with him, from under his arm to be protected by him, and from close to his heart to be loved by him. Men and ladies, can I tell you tonight the first key to marital success is companionship. God brought a companion into your life, someone to share life with. The reason many marriages go through trouble in rocky times is because people get married, but they don't get married. They say, I do, but yet they never change their lifestyle to one of companionship. They're going in different directions, living in different worlds, going in different places, and they're never bringing a oneness to their relationship. Listen, you need to learn to share each other's world. Now listen, you say, preacher, but you just don't understand. My wife's world is Belk's and the mall and Walmart and Target. You need to share your wife's world. Amen? And so there comes a sense in which that you need to share your wife's world. Now, you know, it's real simple. My wife's real easy to shop with. She's not real demanding. I go to the center of the mall, find me a table, go to Starbucks, get me a cup of coffee. I have my computer in my book and she shops and then she's real kind and brings it back to me and asks me what I think. Now, how many of you like that right there? But I'm kidding, it doesn't always work that way, all right? Many times it's, honey, do you like this? Or let me try on that. Or let me see this. It's just in those good times that I get to do that. But we'll go and we'll shop together and we'll do things like that. But there's a sense in which... And by the way, if I could say, if anybody has any control over a store, every store ought to have chairs near the dressing rooms. Same with recliner. I'll take that. I'd just be happy for an Ottoman sometimes. You know, it's really bad. I'm leaned up against the clothing rack and some lady's looking at you like, are you going to look or are you going to move, you know? And so after a while, oh excuse me ma'am, I'm waiting on my wife and so I'm trying that on. But you know what? She's trying that on because she wants you to share her world. She wants to come out and ask you how you think it looks. And by the way, you just say, honey, it all looks good on you. Well, which one do you like? I like this one. Why don't you just go ahead and get them all? You know, you're just trying to help her out there with all of that. You ladies better be saying amen. I'm trying to help you. But no, what I'm saying is share her world. Find interests that you can have in common. Share His world. Now, that doesn't mean that she has to sit in a deer stand with you. It doesn't mean that. But yes, you have, honey, I remember that and I'll never take you back again. We'll not even go to that story. I think what we need to do now is dismiss and... I'll never forget, I took her hunting with me. It was the first time and the last time that we went. I told her, I said, what she's after is just catching her deer and she never wanted to go again. But anyway, you know, share your world. Get to know one another. Find what interests one another. We're going to talk more about that in a little while. But you say, I don't know a quarter wrench from a half wrench. That's not the point. The fact is that you're out there with him. I mean, you might be looking under the hood with him for a few minutes, and he's saying, boy, that's this, and that's the other, and this is that over here, and you just act so interested because it's his world. You see, we need to have the point where we become companions, where we dwell together, where we're pulling in the same direction, going in the same way that we might build marital oneness in our lives. Too often, he's out with the guys, she's out with the girls, the kids are down at grandma's house, and we're not building marital oneness. There needs to be companionship in the relationship. Number two, the second key to what I would call marital success tonight is not only companionship, but secondly, completion. Would you write that down? Completion. Man without a woman is incomplete. Look at verse number 18. And the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him and help meet for him. I will make him and help meet for him. God said that man needed a completer. Adam without Eve was like a violin without a bow. They couldn't make music. There could not be any harmony. Adam was incomplete without Eve. You ever heard somebody talk about you better half or your other half? Well, there's truth in that. And there's part of the man that is missing without his wife and a part of the wife that is missing without her husband. You complete one another. Now, it's interesting, the Hebrew word for man is the word ish. It means to be in power, to have authority. What it means is God gave the man the thicker skin, the broader shoulders. God built the man to lead. The man is to be the leader in the relationship. The woman, the Hebrew word for woman, is just simply a small change that goes from ish to ishah. It means to be soft. The woman is the nurturer of the relationship. She's the nester. Now you know what? This is something that's always interesting at the house. When I pull in and I walk in the door and she'll say, you didn't notice, did you? Automatically, I'm in trouble right then. I don't even have to go any further. Notice what, honey? Well, what I did on the front steps, I'll say, honey, I didn't. I just smelled dinner cooking. And I was just trying to come on in. Or whatever. You know, a woman is a nester. That's why they're continually wanting... You know, you just painted a year ago, but they're ready to paint again. Anybody say amen or oh me right there with me? Or something along those lines. So there's these changes that they want to make. Preacher, why do they do that? They're nesters. That's their nest. That's their world. And you know what? Share that world. Oh, honey, that's wonderful what you did on the front steps. And what do you think about this picture? I love it right there. And what about this over here? I like that. You see, it's the sense of allowing her to build that nest. And by the way, that's why honey-do lists are so important to them. It is. Now, you know that honey-do list gets way down on our list. Did you ever notice that? You know, your buddy calls, I really need you to help me over here. Yeah, I'll be right over. But honey, you remember that list? Oh, but you don't know, but Jim needs me over here, you know? And there's a sense in which we're ready to help out anybody and do anything but the honey-do list. Let me tell you how to move up the ladder in your wife's eyes and really score some points with her. And you say, Preacher, what is that? Take that honey-do list, you take that thing seriously. That'll help you. You see, I go down and find who I can delegate that out to and who I can get that fixed with. But in reality, when I take the time to look at the honeydew, I just look at it. And I say, boy, that does need to be done right there. And yeah, honey, we can do that over here. You know what you're doing? If you can just cross off a few of those things every once in a while, you're moving up the ladder. Does that make sense? And what you're doing is you're sharing her world, and you're saying to her, I value you because I value what you value. Now, the woman was meant to be the man's completer, not his competer. One of the greatest causes of marital strife and strife in marriage is when both partners are jockeying for position, where they're wanting to be in control, rather than just fulfilling the role that God has made them for. We'll talk about that a little bit later on. And can I tell you, it doesn't make... Listen, because you're a man or a woman, or because God said that the husband is to be a leader in the home, that doesn't mean that women are inferior to men. God's never said that. It doesn't mean that one is superior to the other. God made us male and female. He made us different that He might make us one. He made us different. I'm glad my wife's different from me. She's not just different outwardly in the way she looks. She's different in how she thinks. She's different in how she looks at life situations. She's different in her emotional makeup. Everything about her is different in men. That's why God said, dwell with your wife according to knowledge. You need to be a learner of your marriage partner. You need to know her. It's important you do that. Let me give you some practical thoughts here. Number one, learn to appreciate the differences in one another. Learn to appreciate that. I'm grateful for the differences that are in our relationship. Our house would be a gloomy world if we were both like me. You know, listen, I was born Eeyore. I just was. Oh, woe is me. How many of you know who Eeyore is? No, you don't have to raise your hand on that one. But see, I'm just a natural Eeyore. You know, if you're looking outside and there's clouds and sun, I'll say, boy, it's partly cloudy today. She'll say, oh, it's partly sunny. I'll say, boy, that glass is half empty. She'll say, oh no, it's half full. It'll be ten o'clock and I'll say, boy, I've wasted my whole morning. She'll say, I've got two hours left of the morning. See, it's just all in your perspective. I'm glad she's different because, see, she lifts me and, boy, our home would be a gloomy place. Now, let me just say this. I'm glad I'm not like her. We'd never take anything serious. Everything would be funny. We'd get up at the crack of dawn and laugh about it, you know what I'm saying? And stuff like that, because it doesn't matter what time she wakes up, she wakes up happy, okay? You say, Preacher, how do you wake up? Let's not talk about that, alright? And so learn to appreciate differences. You offset one another. Number two, value what your mate brings to the marriage relationship. Value what your mate brings to the marriage relationship. You know, my wife brings a perspective to the marriage relationship that I can't bring. You say, Preacher, why is that? Because she's a woman. She sees things from a different angle, from a different direction, from a different perspective. I need to appreciate that. See, some men get the caveman idea. Well, bless God, man made me the leader, and so I think I'm going to... And you know what? That's the wrong attitude, and that's the wrong way to say things, and that's the wrong way to act. And by the way, you ought not use that kind of talk. Amen? But that's exactly how they act. I'm the leader, am I? And it doesn't work that way. As a matter of fact, what you do is you build a resistance in your wife. One of the things that I believe has led to marital success in our relationship is I don't do any... Now listen, if I want to go out and I want to make an expenditure, I want to do something, can I do that? Yes, I can. But I never do it unless I talk to her. You say, Preacher, you've got to get your wife's permission before I do that. No, she's my partner. We're just sharing life together. She's gonna say, oh yeah, honey, I think that's wonderful. Why don't you go and do that? But you see, the very fact that I valued what she had to say about it meant something to her. Value what your mate brings to the marriage relationship. Allow each other's strengths to compensate for each one's weaknesses. Allow each other's strengths to compensate for each one's weakness. Now, I'll tell you what, I'm thankful that my wife is willing to... If you ever saw the monumental task of getting our taxes ready, it's a daunting task. It would scare you because you've got all these different hoops you've got to jump through as a preacher. And so I'm grateful for my wife's hours upon hours upon hours that she sits there and she categorizes receipts and this and that and fixes it all up so that when we go to the tax to the CPA, he likes us. You see what I'm saying? I'm not taking the box and throwing it down in front of him and saying, hey, you figure it out if you can. No, she does that for me. You know, you say, well, I think you ought to do that. Listen, I delegate that. That's something in our relationship that she's good at doing. And so I say, honey, you know, I hate numbers. You know, God called me to be a preacher, not a mathematician. And so I just let her do those kind of things. I find the things that she does well. And you know what? We do these things together. There's things that I do well, and I do those, but we work at it together. It's a partnership. It's a sense in which we complement one another. Where I'm weak, she's strong. Where she's weak, I'm strong. We complement one another. And that's exactly what the marriage relationship is meant to be. To complement one another's strengths and weaknesses so that we can face life together and handle it successfully. Alright? So number one, there's companionship. Number two, there's completion. I need to recognize that my wife or my husband completes me. And I need to value what they bring to the marriage relationship. Then number three, write this one down, cooperation. Cooperation. Notice this word, help meet. Help meet. The emphasis is not so much on what a wife does as what a wife is. She is a fitting helper. Eve was a perfect fit for Adam. Ecclesiastes 4 and 9, the Bible says two are better than one. I preached a whole series of messages on the power of partnership. And marriage is a partnership that demands cooperation. Marriages often break down at this point because there is no cooperation in the relationship. Instead of two people working together, pulling together, having similar goals and desires and direction in their lives, they're working against each other and pulling the marriage in different directions that brings about a marital breakdown in that relationship. It reminds me of the wife that had a stubborn husband. Came home from shopping one day and she exclaimed to her husband, she said, honey, you won't believe it. And he said, what? She said, I was driving home and noticed that they named a street after you. And boy, he was so upbeat, he said, really, what's it called? And she said, one-way street. And so, there's a lot of folk. There's a lot of marriage partners that are just like that. They have the mentality, it's my way or the highway. You know what the sad part is? Most of the time, the mate chooses the highway rather than your way. Marriage is a two-way street. The wife helping her husband and cooperating with him, and the husband helping his wife and cooperating with her. Cooperation in marriage comes from two people who are willing to confess wrongs. Had a couple in marital counseling, premarital counseling this week and I was talking with them and I said, let me tell you, I want you to do an exercise for me. I said, I want you to look at each other and say, I was wrong. And so they did that and it was fun. But you know what, if I did that tonight with some of you, you couldn't do it. Because you're never wrong. You've never been wrong. And then you wonder why your marriage is struggling. Well, preacher, if I'm wrong, then I lose. No, there's times in marriage that none of us are perfect, and there's times we're all wrong. And there's a willingness to say, I was wrong, to confess wrongs. Isn't it amazing? I can walk up and I can mistreat Michael right here, or Nate, and I'd probably feel bad about it for a little while, and I'd come back and I would say, Michael, I just want you to know, or Nate, you know, I wronged you, would you forgive me? Why do we not afford that to our mates? Why if I sin against Michael or Nate, I'll get it right, but if I sin against my wife, I won't get it right. Her husband. That we wouldn't be able to look each other in the eye and say, I was wrong. Watch this next phrase. Three most important words in marriage. Please forgive me. Please forgive me. You see, if there's going to be companionship and there's going to be completion, there's got to be cooperation. And you know, in every marriage, in every marriage, it has its moments. No marriage is a perfect marriage. There's times, and I have a wonderful wife, but there's times our marriage would have its moments. Somebody has to be willing to say, I was wrong, please forgive me. Somebody else has to say the next three most important words, I forgive you. Those are the next ones. I forgive you. You see, what we want to call it is mistakes. God says it's sin. When I lose my temper out on the job or I lose my temper out in public, I've sinned. But yet when I lose it in my home, I've not sinned. There's something wrong with that picture. You see, suddenly because it's my maid and it's my marriage, it's okay to mistreat her or mistreat him. But that doesn't change the fact that it's sin against God. Be willing to confess wrongs, seek forgiveness, and grant forgiveness. I always ask this question in premarital counseling. I always set them up. I'll say, what's forgiveness? They'll do this for a little while, and then they'll say something like this. It's forgetting about it. And I said, I want to ask you this. I said, has anybody ever done anything to you that you couldn't forget? Oh, yeah. Well, have you forgiven them? Let me tell you what Bible forgiveness is. Bible forgiveness isn't forgetting. There are some things that happen in a marriage relationship and in life that you can't forget. Bible forgiveness is saying, I won't hold it against you anymore. It's not going to be an issue. I won't bring it up again. Let me tell you why the average fire escalates into a war. It's because we all want to bury the hatchet, but we leave the handle sticking out of the ground. And we go back and pick up these old axes, these old hatchets, and we throw them at one another. And we're cutting each other down, and we're tearing each other up, and we're mistreating one another, and we're yelling at one another. There's the problem. We haven't even touched it. Because we're so busy attacking each other that we never get around to the problem. And then it builds resentment. It builds anger. It builds frustration. It causes souring of the marital relationship. Let me just say something. You need to confess wrongs, grant forgiveness, and thirdly, make adjustments. Make adjustments. Everybody needs to make adjustments in the marriage relationship. There's always, you know as you mature in marriage, isn't that a better word? Mature in marriage. We all change. And we're continually making adjustments in the relationship. Let me just say this to you and I'm done tonight. Stubbornness can turn wedlock into deadlock. Stubbornness can turn wedlock into deadlock. When I have to have it my way, when I'm unwilling to say I was wrong, when I'm unwilling to say I forgive you, when I'm unwilling to make an adjustment in my life, it brings about a deadlock in the relationship. Now one of two things happens. Either one or both sours on the marriage relationship, and over a time of suffering, that marriage begins to fall apart, till finally it ends. Or they just keep trying to stay together, and nobody's happy. You say, well, preacher, it'd be better just to throw it away, wouldn't it? No, it wouldn't. It'd be better just to get right. That's God's plan. Not get out. Get right. The problem is, we don't want to get right. Because we say, preacher, if I get right, then he'll win or she'll win, when in reality you're both losing. Let's just determine we're going to put these four keys to work in our marriage. We're going to have companionship and we're going to share one another's world. Number two, we're going to have completion. that we're going to seek to complete one another and not be continually competing and jockeying for position to get what we want. Instead of it being selfishness, it's going to be selflessness. Instead of what can you do for me, it's what can I do for you. Instead of ministering to me, I'm going to minister to you. Instead of being concerned about my happiness, I'm going to be concerned about your happiness. Isn't that the Bible way? Then there needs to be some cooperation. And then we'll talk about the next two next week. But if we can get that cooperation down, and we can realize marriage is a two-way street, and when you confess wrongs, grant forgiveness, and make adjustments, it's going to revolutionize our marriage relationships. Let's stand to our feet tonight.