The following sermon is brought to you by Capitol Community Church, located in Raleigh, North Carolina. Capitol Community Church is a people awakened to a holy God. If you are searching for a new church home, or from out of town looking for a church to worship with, or simply seeking for answers. Please join us for worship at 1045 a.m. every Sunday morning and 6 o'clock p.m. for our evening service. If you have any questions, please email us at info at CapitalCommunityChurch.com. We pray this sermon will help you grow deeper in your walk with Jesus Christ. All right, well, welcome to tonight and our last session in the parenting seminar. And what I want to do tonight is just be as practical as we can. And I know that there's been questions and maybe I haven't been as clear on some things as I should have been, or maybe you would like a clarification on something, or maybe I just haven't covered something that you would like to to talk about or ask a question about. So, if there's any of those cases, we have a microphone right here, and I'll do my best to answer your question biblically and with the Lord's wisdom. If you wouldn't mind, we have so many new people that it's helpful for people to get to know who you are, so if you do come and ask a question, please state your name, just so that people can begin to put a face with a name. So, and Ray, thank you so much for coming alongside and leading us tonight. So, the last Sunday night of the month, we are doing more of a traditional, or the last Sunday morning, I should say, of the month, we're doing more of a traditional worship. So, next Sunday morning, Reformation Sunday, we've been practicing with a mighty fortress at the end, but we're doing it Sunday morning, right? Next Sunday morning. So, that'll be a fun experience next Sunday morning. All right, so the microphone is open, so any questions are fair game. Mr. America steps up. What's your name, Mr. America? Well, my name is Jeff. Wow, I don't even have to lift this thing up. This is wonderful. Tall man, short mic. Well, you know, you've been doing Ephesians 6, 1 through 4, and my question or my thought in regards to that is, you know, some people can look at this passage and say, oh, great. If I raise my children right in the Lord, they'll never mess up, they'll never depart from the faith or anything, or just the opposite. In my case, I've had Christian friends throughout my 34 years look at my strong faith and go, oh wow, the reason he's such a strong Christian is because his parents raised him well in the faith, when in fact, Yes, even though they took me to church as a kid, after childhood they were okay, but they weren't great. And the reason they weren't great is because they weren't. trying to get me to know the Lord, know the Bible, and they wanted me to know about the Bible, emphasis on about, yeah, I want your thought on, you know, because I think what happens in my case is God has circumvented all these circumstances and brought me to a strong faith in Christ anyway. What's your thought on that? Amen. I mean, we believe in the sovereignty of God, that God is sovereign over salvation, and God saves all sorts of people in many types of situations, people that grew up in godless cultures or a godless Indian tribe, and a missionary comes and brings the gospel, and they hear the gospel, and they hear it, and they're saved, and then you look at families where I was reading the other day about Billy Sunday's kids. You know, Billy Sunday, the evangelist, about a hundred years ago, and I think his kids turned out to be pretty rebellious. And, you know, don't quote me on this, but I don't think that they were walking with the Lord for a majority of their life if they came to know the Lord. So there's an element where it doesn't really matter who your parents are. God, in His sovereignty, is going to find a way. If He desires to save someone, He is going to find a way to get that person the gospel, like He did with you, and He's going to save that person. I do believe that, generally speaking, that God, in His providence, gives you the kids that He does, and He puts the kids in your family that He puts there because, normally, He is going to save those children. I mean, that's Proverbs 22, six, train up a child in the way that he should go, and when he is older, he will not depart from it. Now, that's a maxim. That's a general maxim. It's not always true, but it's generally true. It's generally true that if the Lord gives you children and you raise them in the fear and discipline of the Lord, like we've been talking about, when you raise them in the discipline and instruction of Ephesians 6, 4, normally speaking, God is going to do a work and save those kids, but it's not a guarantee. And again, this is why I closed this morning's message with an emphasis on prayer. It's praying and beseeching God, God save these kids, regenerate these kids, bring them to a saving knowledge of the gospel. May they repent of their sins and have genuine faith. And I think God honors the prayers of believing parents. But yes, God is sovereign and he can save even a Mr. America whose parents aren't necessarily teaching him the word of God day in, day out. Great question. Hello, my name is Ashley Vaughn. I have a question from your first message in this series when you talked about God's design for the man and the woman and their roles in the family. My question is, I do think there's some confusion on the topic out there in terms of the way that you phrased it. The man is on a mission and the woman is to come alongside. I think the confusion comes not in the church, but in the culture about what does that mean for the woman? Does that mean that everything that she's doing is about the husband's mission and the home only? Or would she potentially be called to other things in terms of blessing the community through ministry? other involvement in the community or working outside of the home, perhaps for financial, you know, necessity. And I think I've seen people use the Proverbs 31 woman, honestly, to say, oh, women should only be in the home. Clearly, the Proverbs 31 woman, everything she's doing is about the home. And other people say, the Proverbs 31 woman was out there working and she was doing other things. Yes, this to me, it's the dynamics of the husband and wife and their roles. And it's out. It's a question outside of the submission piece, which is completely clear to me and has been a blessing in my life. So if you open the Ashley's question is about Genesis chapter two. Verse. Eighteen. Genesis 218. God says it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper, fit for him. And that Hebrew word is ezer, and it means somebody that comes alongside in support. It's, as we've talked about, it doesn't mean that the wife is inferior to the husband. In fact, God is called an ezer to Israel, that God comes along Israel as a support, as a help. But it is important, I think, to note that you see that God gives the the initial commands to Adam. If you look at verse 15, the Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and to keep it. So God gives these initial calls to work and provide and protect. That's where we get, generally speaking, the man's role in the family is this role of providing, protecting, working, provision. Not that the woman doesn't work, but as we'll talk about, her role is more of a coming alongside the man. Verse 16, it says, the Lord God commanded the man saying, you may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it, you shall surely die. So God gives these commands to Adam before Eve is even created. And what's interesting is, is obviously Eve is the one who sins, right? Eve is the one, and Satan, the sin, that Eve committed, and that the tactic that Satan used was usurping the authority that Adam had in the relationship. And this is exactly what Paul says. This is, I think, really fascinating. In 1 Timothy chapter 2, when Paul's talking about why a woman isn't to teach or exercise authority over a man, you're like, okay, well, what's the rationale for that? He says, this is 1 Timothy 2.13, for Adam was formed first, then Eve. So there was a priority in terms of the order and a hierarchy in the relationship. And he says, and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived. Now here, he's not saying that a woman is more gullible or a woman is easier to deceive. What he's saying, is that the tactic that Satan used was undercutting the man's responsibility to lead by going directly to Eve, and then Eve making that decision apart from Adam. So, that's the hierarchy. Now, Ashley's question, I think, is more about, okay, well, what does that mean? What does it mean that the The husband is the provider, the protector. The woman is the Azar, the one who comes alongside and helps. Well, we're given some indication of what that means in the New Testament, specifically in the book of Titus. So if you look at Titus chapter two, Paul's going to give an instruction to women, This is Titus 2.3, he says, older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanders or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. So, going back from millennia, it was, and you referenced Proverbs 31, the woman's primary sphere was taking dominion and owning her home. And Paul says, essentially, to love their husband, their children, and be working in the home. Now, in terms of how this flushes out, it used to be in this country that most families, this is before the Industrial Revolution, had cottage industries that worked out of their home. So you you go to you know, somebody you think's a shoemaker or somebody Works as a farmer, you know You you go to the American West and and everybody's farming and the family's working at home The dad's out in the field the moms are helping men clothes and cook and, you know, they're more working together in terms of the family business and all those things. Well, what happened with the Industrial Revolution is it took the fathers, largely speaking, away from their families. People started commuting into places and all those things. Now, with a family. It's the husband's primary responsibility to work and provide. That's the husband's responsibility. Paul says in 1 Timothy 5, he says if a man doesn't provide for his own family, he's worse than an unbeliever. So a man cannot shirk that responsibility. It's the responsibility for the man to provide. Obviously there's situations where a man might be debilitated, a man might not be able to provide for health reasons, or, you know, he could pass away, and the wife is in a situation where she is thinking about how she needs to obtain money, but that's not a responsibility that a man can shirk. What Paul clearly says is that when The children are in the household that the woman is to be essentially caring for those children. That's the general idea that Paul is laying out. He says, this is in 1 Timothy 5, 14. 1 Timothy 5, 14, Paul says, I would have younger widows marry bare children and manage their own households and give the adversary no occasion for slander. for some have already strayed after Satan. That phrase, manage their own households, is actually one Greek word, it's oikodespotes, and Grace Anna and I sometimes joke that that means the house despot. You know, you think what a despot is, it's a tyrannical ruler, you know, and sometimes that's what, no, I'm just kidding. But that's really what it is, it means the house master, the house leader. And Paul says this is what a younger widow is to do, is that she is to own her home, manage her house. And what feminists have told women, especially post-industrial revolution, you know, as the men were going out to work in various spheres, is they said that that is not a noble enterprise. They said, that's not a valuable thing to do, to be in the sphere of the home, owning the home, being the oiko despates, and you can just farm that out to somebody. You can farm that out. to a daycare, you can farm that out, to a nanny who's gonna come and watch your kids and is going to know and be more of an influence in your kids' lives than you are. So that's been something that I've learned. that has transpired. So here's some general principles. So God clearly says that women are, especially younger women, are to be in this place where they are managing their own households if they have children. And that's something that, obviously, there could be financial situations that necessitate a woman to work. So we can't just say, hey, there's a clear rule here. But generally speaking, If you have the means and the capacity, it's very important, God says, that the woman be that uco despate, that household manager and stay home. Does this mean that a woman can't have some sort of financial means where she's, like the Proverbs 31 woman, is buying a field or doing something outside the home, or after the kids are grown up and she's not having to care for them, does this mean that she can't have a job in some capacity? I don't think so. I don't think that's a violation of the husband's headship, and I don't think that's a violation of her being the help of her husband for her to do that. But I do think specifically, as Paul is referencing here, you know, in this early phase of being a younger woman, having that primary sphere of influence being the home is important if a family can manage that. Great question. So, it seems like it's almost on the issue of abortion. You know, they'll say things like, except for cases of rape or incest. In the same way, a young woman that has no children, it seems like we're making a uh an excuse or or cutting her slack that she can be subjected to another man in other words she could go work at ibm and be subject to another man until she has babies and it seems like what's happening in our culture especially within the church women are getting that and they think they're free uh under the word of god and they're still on birth control and they're delaying their having children the word of god is it's not I feel like what we're trying to do is contextualize in this culture and looking at America when the Bible's been very clear throughout history that women should be keepers at home, subject to their own husband. And then it says, so that the word of God won't be blasphemed. I think the word of God is being blasphemed because there are a lot of women that are not subjecting themselves to the word of God. So how would you address that? Jay forgot to say your name for everybody, but anyway, so that's Jay Valenti, just so, just so, just in case you were wondering. Yeah, I think what, Paul specifically has in mind here are these younger women that have kids, and what Jay mentioned is an epidemic problem in this country, and that is this idea of perpetually postponing having kids because of birth control and all those things. Now, that being said, I don't think it's a sin for a woman. You know, let's say, you know, you get married. I don't think it's a sin for a woman to go and have a job. It would be wrong if they said we're going to perpetually put off having kids because we want to have a better lifestyle with the woman working. That's where I personally would fall on that. I don't think it's a violation of the husband's headship for a woman to have a job, you know, when they're first married. So. to another man. The Proverbs 31 woman was subject to her husband. She was in the marketplace selling real estate, buying real estate, selling purple or whatever she was doing. She was not subject to another man. And what's happening is women are subjecting themselves to men that are not their husbands. And my sister's divorced because of infidelity in the workplace. It's the elephant in the room. It's not just in the culture, it's in the church. You've got doctors, lawyers, it's epidemic. And it's a hard thing for leadership to say that because it might chase people out. But the issue is holiness. Holiness. It's not the issue of putting our kids through college. They don't deserve or are entitled to college or are entitled to cars. And that's what's happening. We're thinking. Worldly and I just I don't know what you tell me It says do not be subject to another man so that the Word of God won't be blasphemed The Word of God is being blasphemed because Christian women are subjecting themselves to other men. What would you say to that? So I don't think that, for example, let's just take a hypothetical situation. Let's say that you have a newly married couple and she works as a dental hygienist. and they just got married and they don't have kids yet. I don't think that she's violating her husband's headship or leadership over her life by continuing to work full time as a dental hygienist because the thing is is that she can quit at any time. true headship, the headship of the husband and her father, that's not something that she can just nix at any time. It's not having necessarily a job doesn't necessarily mean a violation of headship. Now, that being said, it could be. if that boss started making demands on that woman that she needed to travel, she needed to do all these things, there could be a line where that crosses over where there's a man is making demands on that person that does violate the husband's headship. But I don't think it necessarily happens just because you have have a role outside the home. Another example would be a couple that's basically retirement age. For example, my parents. If my mom was volunteering outside the home, working at a non-Christian non-profit, it's not a violation of my father's headship because she's working there, volunteering her time, or even working there part-time, I don't think. because she can quit at any time. Now, if they start making demands, you can't do this, and you have to take this time, you have to travel, all those things, at that point, that would prevent her from really managing the household well and from supporting her husband. Yeah, so here's what it means. It means that the husband is the head of the wife and that the husband is submissive or the wife is submissive to the husband's leadership. It doesn't mean that the woman can't go and work part-time somewhere. For example, you know, the kids are in high school and she's working as a nurse or something. That's not being subject to somebody else. She's doing that, you know, with the husband's blessing, if that's the case. If the husband is, I don't want you to do that, I want you to do this, then it would be usurping the husband's headship. But if it's in line with what the husband's saying, it's not a violation of the husband's headship. We can talk more offline. Hey Grant, my name is Jenny Crawford and I have teens, so I would like some ammunition on a particular subject because I'm worn out on it. And I wanted to, I don't know if this all falls under one category, if this is multiple questions, so excuse me if it is, but I have three kiddos and one is all grace. One is all law, and one is special needs, so he needs all the grace, and his word is law. So that's kind of how they flesh out. But what I wanted to ask you is how do I talk to them about loving people in a godly way? Because I have one that's so zealous for God's word that he loses sight. of the purpose of God's word is people and relationships and eternal souls. And then I have one who loves people so passionately that that one has a hard time bringing the standard of God in a way that's confrontational and true, but anyway, she has a hard time holding folks' feet to the fire when she thinks it's appropriate. And then just from a self-serving standpoint, I'd love to hear you talk about talking to our kids about how to love differently abled people, disabled people, mentally ill people, and those sorts of things. So I don't think that's addressed a whole lot. So I'd love to hear anything you have to say on this. Well, the truth always is the best balance. So that's a great question, by the way, just addressing this with children. But the truth is the best balance. So because it's not that we're against the law, we're not antinomian, we don't believe that the law is bad, we believe that the law is good, we just don't believe that the law is what you obey in order to earn salvation. The law helps us to understand how to live the Christian life, that's what Calvin said, it's the third use of the law, it gives us an idea of how to obey and how to live a life of holiness and a life of righteousness. And so I think with, you have a kid that emphasizes the law, You have a tendency to say, okay, well, we really just need to emphasize grace with that kid, but actually what you need to emphasize is the gospel. Continue to go back to the gospel, and the gospel is going to penetrate the heart, Lord willing, because he's already a believer, and he's going to be inclined to treat people more graciously. And likewise, with the child who's more grace-oriented, and not as maybe discerning with doctrine and the laws they should be. Emphasizing the gospel is going to make them more thankful to the Lord, and it's going to make them desire to obey them more. And with both of them, you know, the Bible doesn't have a problem with law and grace. it doesn't have a problem with grace and obedience. It weds them together. And so the more you sit down and the more you read through Ephesians and read through these books of the Bible, the more that both of your children are gonna be inspired to have that balance. Somebody asked me the other day, I was doing a podcast, and they said, you know, as a military man, where it's really law-oriented, How do you keep from being a legalist and keep emphasizing grace? And my answer was, well, I just read the Bible. Because the Bible corrects legalism and it corrects the antinomianism or the lack of law and just the emphasis upon grace. And then in terms of Children and and just pointing them to love I mean obviously that's that's ultimately like we talked about this morning the parents responsibility To teach them that and I'm sure y'all are teaching them that What we tell our kids is, you know, you go find the kid that the other kids aren't playing with. The kid that people aren't around, whoever they are, for whatever reason. The kid that maybe they're being bullied or they're just sitting alone at camp or whatever it is. and go and help that kid and engage that child and love that child because every child is created as image bearers. But there's certainly stuff. that you can do to get kids more wired to serving. When I was in high school, I did my Eagle Project. I was a Boy Scout, and I did my Eagle Project at the Union Gospel Mission in downtown Dallas, which just served all sorts of homeless guys, as you can imagine, off the streets in Dallas and Fort Worth. And I got our church involved with that. They came and did my Eagle Project for me. at the mission, which is installing a library system in the mission's library. And that exposed everybody to serving, and we started going back there and serving at Thanksgiving and Christmas and all sorts of things. So part of it is just engaging and helping students see opportunities when maybe they didn't even realize that there was a need. Did I answer all your questions, or is there anything else that you would like me to clarify? Okay. My name is David Kittleson, and one comment that has been helpful to me in terms of what Jenny asked, that balance between the law and grace or truth and grace. You think about the letter kills, but the spirit gives life. And I really appreciate a quote by Randy Alcorn. Truth without grace crushes people. Grace without truth deceives people. and to be able to speak the truth in love. But as you mentioned, Pastor, that truth, to always come back to that truth. The question that I have has to do with finding a balance in terms of Ephesians 6, verse 4, and something from Hebrews. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. And then there's Hebrews 12 verse 11. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant. So as I discipline our sons, and both of our sons are teenagers, There can be the discipline being painful, which can create in them anger, or at least them not appreciating the discipline. I don't remember which of our sons said it at some point when we said, well, you realize God disciplines those he loves. We love you, that's why we discipline you. And one of them said, could you love us a little less? So to find that balance, we don't want to provoke them to anger and the discipline has its consequences, you want them to feel the consequences, but how do you try to avoid falling into causing anger in them but persevering in discipline? Great question. Well, just some general guidelines is we talked about this at the very end. You know, I remember William Barker came up last week and talked to ask a question about consistency. And I think having a consistent standard with your children is very important and not having that standard be Do you remember Von Trapp in Sound of Music, where he would blow whistles, and the kids would march down the stairs, and they would stand at attention for inspection, and it seemed a little bit like a superfluous standard where these things are expected that aren't necessarily biblical, they're just They're just that and and I can see how if you have and I've seen this actually with growing up with some families where they had just very tight standards where there wasn't Love and the standards that were given. It was just a very strict stern Regimented household and the kids were not happy in that in in that regimen, and it wasn't, and I think a lot of that, from my vantage point, had to do with the demeanor of the parents. But if the children know that there's a standard, and the standard is set in place because it's there for love, and it's there to be consistent, then that's gonna go a long way when you're talking to your children and you say, look, this is the standard that we hold, children obey your parents and the Lord for this is right. This is why we've laid out this standard. I think the why question is really important. We used to say in the Marine Corps that the why is the most important because if the Marines know why taking that hill is important, then they're gonna be much more motivated to do it. So if the children know why you have the standards you set, and then when they disobey, sure, it's painful, and whatever the discipline is, the corrective discipline, whether it's taking away the car keys when they get older, or whether it's some other consequences that happen as a result of what they've done, that's painful. That is frustrating, and it's easy to get frustrated at yourself, frustrated at your parents, but if you've had that standard, you've explained why you have that standard, and you bring it back to Scripture, and you say, yeah, but you need to obey. This is part of being, being a godly child, then that's gonna go a long way to not provoking them to anger and having them grow up in the fear of the Lord. And there's also times where a child deserved a corrective discipline, and I said, you know what, this is what you deserve. You broke this rule, you knew what the rule was. and this is what should happen to you. But this time, I'm gonna give you grace, and I'm not gonna deal out the punishment. And I do that so that there's just in the tiniest, you know, there's just that tiniest perspective that that's what God's grace is like, that God gives you grace when you deserve wrath and judgment. I don't do that, obviously, too much. I want to hold that standard, the standards that Grace Ann and I agree with, but I do do that sometimes. And I think that helps. So obviously, that's a great question that applies a lot of wisdom. And it takes a discerning parent to know how to balance all that and create a household that keeps that environment, that doesn't provoke children to anger. All right. Any more questions? Okay, well, let me pray and then we can do our closing hymn. Heavenly Father, we do pray for wisdom as we think about raising children and balancing our roles as husband and wife and being the head and as men are trying to lead their households and women as they are coming alongside and underneath their husband's leadership. and serving as their helpers and owning the home. We do encourage that, Lord, and we just pray that you would help women do that and that you would give especially our younger women a desire to, as Paul says, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be self-controlled, to be pure, to be those workers at home that are raising the next generation. And we pray, Lord, that you would sustain them in that. We pray, Lord, that you would, for all the children in our church, young, old, that those that don't know you would be drawn to you so that they trust you in faith and that they believe. We pray, Lord, for those that are already believers, just for that balance between law and grace, that they would be centered in the gospel, that they would have huge hearts for others, that they would love others, but that they would love others in the truth, that it wouldn't be either or, it would be grace and truth. And we pray that for all of us, Lord, just that we would speak the truth, but we would speak the truth in love, that we would love others, but we would love others in the truth. And we ask all this in Christ's name. Amen. Thanks for listening. For more sermons, information, and events, check out our website at CapitalCommunityChurch.com.