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All right, we're continuing our
study of the Fifth Commandment, specifically with application
to husbands. There should be three pages,
three, four, and five at the bottom of the page, applications
or application to husbands, page three, page four, and page five,
which we'll consider this evening. And just as a brief reminder
of what we looked at last week, We looked at the duties of a
husband. The first application, know the
duties your wife owes to you. Now, we could also talk about
the sins forbidden to the wife, but we just dealt with the duties
and I think within that we covered more or less the sins forbidden.
So we're not going to deal with all of the rest of it. But the
second application to husbands, know the duties you owe to your
wife. So it's not merely that there is a duty in one direction,
it's that God requires duties in both directions. So last week
we looked at knowing the duties your wife owes to you, respect
in heart, word, and behavior toward her husband, prayer and
thanksgiving for her husband, imitation of her husband's virtues
and graces, willing obedience to her husband's lawful commands
and counsels, due submission to her husband's corrections,
fidelity to, defense, and maintenance of her husband's person and authority,
bearing with her husband's infirmities, covering her husband's infirmities
in love and being an honor to her husband and to his government.
So now, what does a husband owe to his wife? What is the reciprocal
duty that as a superior, it's not optional, it's mandatory. He must do these things. He's
required by God to do so. First is to love your wife. This
is the duty a husband owes, the basic duty of love. And you find
this in the various passages of scripture that address husbands
in the relation that they ought to have to their wives. We see
this in Ephesians chapter 5. We also find it in the book of
Colossians chapter 3. The duty of a husband is to love
his wife. And this love, again, back to
the paradigm of the heart, loving with the heart. Loving your neighbor
as you love yourself. But this is a more particular
or an increased or more direct duty of love. The general duty
of love to all men is one thing, but the duty a man owes to his
wife is another thing. It's an increased measure of
love. that he must treat her, as Paul
says, as he would treat his own body. So the mind of a husband,
again back to what is the heart, it's the mind, will, and the
affections. So when we think of loving, we must think of love
as a function of the heart. So the thoughts that he thinks
about his wife ought to be thoughts of love. The way that he remembers
his wife should be with the memory of his love for her. The way
that he reasons about his wife should be in a loving way. So
this would include things like the oftentimes you'll find Early
on in a marriage, there are lots of special memories that are
made. Those things should be remembered
by the husband with respect to his wife. The good things that
she does, those ought to be remembered by the husband toward his wife. And the way that he reasons about
her conduct, her speech, this is not different from the general duty
where to think well of others or to assume the best about them.
But this is especially the case with the manner in which a husband
reasons about his wife and her words and her actions and her
deeds. There are some things that are
unmistakably evil. But there are some things in
life that could be constructed in a good light or could be constructed
in a bad light. And the general duty of the Ninth
Commandment, which God willing we'll get to eventually, is to
view what people do and say that could be taken either way, to
look at it in the better part, give them the benefit of the
doubt. Now this is especially true with regard to a husband
as he thinks about his wife, as he evaluates, as he remembers
her, as he reasons about her actions and words. He could choose
to rush to the worst part, or he could choose to suspend judgment
and assume the best. So that's the idea, one part
of the heart. Now the other is the will. And again, these are not exhaustive
lists. but just the things I'm illustrating are just meant to
show where you could go with this. The will, the priorities,
the choices, the things that matter to a man. So when a man
prioritizes his hobbies over his wife, then he's got this
extra time and extra energy And he chooses to prioritize one
thing over another. This is not indicating a man
can't have hobbies. Doesn't mean he shouldn't prioritize
his work. But when he has lawfully free
time to do one thing or another, what's the priority he gives
to his wife? So his will. Where is she on the rank priority? Is it his friends? Is it his
hobbies? Is it the internet? Is it the
news? Or is it his wife? So this is
the idea of love is not merely the thoughts but also the will.
And then the other part that we tend to confuse with love
and exclusively think of love as this is the affections. And
affections are the movement of the soul and the mind toward
particular objects. So we tend to think of love,
hatred, anger, fear. These are all affections or sometimes
we talk about emotions. Affections are the movement of
the soul. It doesn't indicate whether they're
forced out of you or whether you put them there. Emotions
is always passive because it means you're moved from outside.
So people tend to confuse those two, affections and emotions.
You can have affections that you yourself direct, that you
choose to have, which is how we're supposed to be. The mind
informs the rational will, the will informs the affections,
and the will chooses specific objects. Emotions ex motio. Ex means from outside and motio
means to be moved. So ex motio means I'm moved from
outside. I'm pressed. I'm a victim. In other words, I'm passive in
emotion. Whereas affection is, well you could be moved toward
an external object by external compulsion or force, or you could
choose what the object will be. So it's neither passive nor active
when we talk about affections. When affections are ascribed
to God, God is not passive at all. He's never moved by external
objects. He's always moved toward external
objects by his own will, by his own holiness, by his own justice,
by his own decree. So God is always active. He always
works, Jesus says. My father worketh until now.
He's always active in what he's doing. He's never suffering. He doesn't have emotions. That's
why we would say that. God has affections. He has no
passions. because he's never pushed to suffer things from
external forces. Okay, so back to the love for
your wife. Your thoughts, your will, and
your affections are to be directed toward her as the primary object
that you have of human affection. So much so that Paul says that
a man never hated his own flesh, right? He always takes care of
himself, unless he's a lunatic. He'll look after his own body.
He'll look after his own comfort. He'll look after his own safety.
He nourishes himself. He informs himself. He directs
himself. That's how he's supposed to think
about his wife. And those are affections. the natural affection
a person has for their own well-being, removed to take care of themselves,
that's exactly how a husband is directed by God to think about
and act toward his wife. And this is love, the mind, the
will, the affections. So a husband is commanded to
love his wife and the mind, will and the affections produce actions,
words. So those things that happen inside
in the inner man are to produce specific conduct and thoughts
and words toward his wife. And these are actions of love. Now, Again, in a romantic framework,
as the Western civilization has been corrupted to be, the notion
of love is always emotional. So if a man gets married, it's
because he feels emotions for a woman. And then if he wants
to get a divorce, why is that? Well, I don't love her anymore. So what does he mean by that?
My feelings aren't the same as they once were. Or if they say,
I never loved her, I never felt, you never made me feel good.
That's what they're saying. So it's all about me. That's what emotional love is
all about. It's all about me. The affections are directed toward
an external object. So if it's a rational love, if
it's a volitional love, it's a love of affections, then it's
moved toward the good of that object, of the beloved. And the
beloved is loved according to a specific standard that God
himself set. which is why the apostle says
love is the fulfilling of the law. Love does its neighbor no
harm because love is the fulfilling of the law. So in this context,
what does the law of God require of a husband toward his wife?
The basic duty is love. Now, some of the other things
we're gonna look at in this context are like expositions of what
does it mean to love your wife? But that's the general duty under
which the rest reside. Love is the fulfilling of the
law. Then the particulars. Well, how does a man love his
wife? Here's one. To pray for your wife. So again,
this is a duty that superiors owe to their inferiors in general,
but especially if she is the prime object of your love. then
she ought to be the prime object of your prayers. And that's convicting
if you think about it as a husband. Again, it's not that she trumps
God or she trumps the Lord's prayer, but when you're choosing
which people in my life am I going to pray for, who should be the
first one? Your wife. She should be at the top of the
list. Okay, and this is also true of children. You know, they're
number two on the list. First is the wife, second is
the children. So, if you have children, you
ought to be praying for them as well, but especially your
wife. Praying for what? Well, of course, love seeks the
benefit and the good of the beloved. So what is for my wife's good?
What is for her benefit? Those are the things that should
be prayed for. So ultimately, that is her salvation. If your
wife is not a believer, that's priority number one is to pray
for that. And if she is a believer. And what are the priorities that
God sets for her? And it's clear. That's why we
talked about knowing the duties that God requires of your wife,
not merely to have a standard by which to teach or to correct,
but a standard by which to pray. What does God require of my wife?
Let me pray that God will enable her, by His grace, to fulfill
those duties that she owes to me, that she owes to our children,
that she owes to her parents, to the community at large, to
the body of Christ, praying that she would be filled with the
knowledge of God, like Paul prays for the Ephesians, that they
would be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the height
and the breadth and the depth and to know the love of Christ
which passeth knowledge. Paul says he bows his knee for
the Ephesians to that end. So also, a husband should pray
for his wife, that she know those things. And to that end, what
are the means of grace at her disposal? As she reads the scripture. as there's family worship, as
there's public ordinances of preaching and the sacrament of
the Lord's body and blood, and as she has received the sign
of God's covenant and baptism, all of those are things to pray
for her to advance and to grow in so that she may flourish in
her faith and in her holiness. And so that she may be like a
mother in Israel who can be a blessing to many and be doing good to
the broader community of the saints and also to the broader
culture and civilization you're part of, including and especially
her children and her husband. So if you think about reading
through the scripture yourself as a husband and you notice this
is what God requires of my wife. You can immediately in private
prayer or private worship, you can turn that into a prayer request.
God help my wife to love her husband, love her children, be
a keeper at home. You know, it's just real brief,
real quick, but there it is. You're reading in the scriptures.
You see what God requires. Generally of all believers, you
can pray that as well, but there are specific things God says
uniquely to women and praying those things for your wife. Okay,
blessing your wife. Eulogia is the Greek verb, and
it means to speak well. And usually it's direct address,
speaking well to someone directly to them. It's wishing or calling
down from a superior to an inferior, that God would bless this person,
that God would give them, not just in the praying to God, but
in speaking to the person, words of blessing, that the Lord would
prosper your wife, that he would do good to her. And this idea
of blessing can also include what we'll look at in a little
bit, the idea of countenancing or encouraging good. But this
is a little step up from that because it's using your office
as a superior to speak words of blessing into her life. So
this is the idea. And also the actions can be a
blessing or a curse. The action of a husband toward
his wife, like our Lord talked about cursing your parents. Well, what was the context in
Matthew 15? It was taking care of them in their old age and
infirmity. That was blessing. would be to take care of them.
Cursing would be, I'm not looking after you in your old age. So
transfer that over. What does it mean to bless your
wife? Look after her, take care of her. Look after her needs,
look after her interests, provide for her those things that are
needful for the body and for the soul. So again, not just
words, but also deeds can be a source of blessing to your
wife. The fourth duty, not just love
as the general category, not just prayer as a particular,
not just blessing as a particular, but instruction. And again, this
has to do with the usage of the tongue. correlated with the usage
of the means of grace, instructing your wife. This can be done by
a husband, and it can also be facilitated by a husband. If
you guys remember when we were reading about Elijah, he was
told that his job was to anoint Hazael, to anoint Elisha and
to anoint Jehu. And you'll remember, there's
no record that he anointed any of them with oil. The literal
action was not done by him. But he facilitated for Elisha
by taking order that Elisha would tell Jehu about it. or Hazael. And then as far as anointing
Elisha, it appears that he did something symbolically to anoint
him, which was the casting of his mantle upon him. But in the
other two cases, it's very clear there's no record in scripture
that he ever anointed those two to be king of the Syrians or
of the Israelites. So instruction can include seeing
to your wife being instructed, especially God has institutionalized
this. There are teachers ordained in
the church, both in the office and in God's providence, particular
persons put in place to do that very thing. See to it that your
wife is instructed by lawful ministers who can build them
up with knowledge. But this also includes what Paul
talks about, If the wives have any questions, it's not permitted
to them to speak in the church. So, at home, the husband is to
answer his wife's questions. He's to instruct her. And that's
more of responding to particulars, but there's also the duty of
family worship, in which a husband, as the head of his household,
is to instruct his wife and build her up with the knowledge of
God, and to see to it that she is also reading the Word of God
so that she can even instruct herself. So there's family worship,
there's occasional answering of questions, there's her private
worship, and there's the public ordinances where she receives
instruction publicly. And all of these are the duty
that a husband owes to his wife. So the general duty of love,
the particular duties of prayer, blessing, and instruction, and
then in the fifth place, to counsel and admonish your wife. If you
do not know how to counsel your wife, it would be good to learn. There are good materials available. There's one book that we use
in our denomination to train pastors and elders, and that
is Competent to Counsel by J. Adams. It's just a basic introduction
of what the Bible says about counseling. And then how does
a person go about counseling his fellow man? Well, can you
counsel your wife? Can you hear her troubles, her
sorrows, and then help to direct her mind and her thoughts and
her will and her affections and her words and her actions in
a way that's pleasing to God. So the general counsel would
be positive, building her up in the knowledge of her duty.
The responsive counsel would be, here's this problem, how
do we deal with this? How do we address this? What's
the right way? And this is the impartation of
wisdom, counsel and wisdom, imparting of these things so that she may
know what is it that God requires of her? How should she respond
to this person or this situation? And then an admonition, as opposed
to a counsel, is to warn. And the idea of admonition is
J. Adams' Competent to Counsel.
His theory of counseling is called euthetic counseling. Eutheo means
to put something in a person's mind by way of warning. That's
what the word admonition means. means to put into the mind of
a person, to give them a warning beforehand about this is where
this path leads, this conduct, these choices, these words, they
lead to this thing. That's the idea of admonition. And within the ecclesiastical
discipline, you'll remember that pastors and elders are told to
admonish those under their care. And you'll see that when I'll
do exhortations in the readings or sermons, often there'll be
a warning. Don't do this. Avoid this. Because
scripture gives that, right? Scripture is profitable for doctrine,
for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness,
which includes admonishing. Be warned about this. Don't follow
this pathway. If you do, it leads to these
conclusions. That's admonition. So a husband
ought to be doing that. Not merely counseling, but also
warning his wife, giving her wisdom, and wisdom that sometimes
has to be negative. Bad consequences for bad actions,
that's admonition. This is a bad action, don't do
this, or it leads to this consequence, and God threatens that consequence,
so you ought to avoid the action, or the word, or the thought,
or whatever it happens to be. Alright, page four of your handouts. Number six, again, duties you
owe to your wife, to countenance your wife when she does well.
Now this is related to the idea of blessing, as is the next one,
and maybe the one after that. But the idea here is to demonstrate
with physical gestures and words that you approve of what has
been done well. It is much easier to disapprove
when someone does evil for most of us, because we tend to be
fault-finding and self-righteous. So it's much easier to come down
on people when they've done evil. But God requires that when people
do well, especially those under your authority, that you ought
to countenance them. So if your duty generally is
to countenance all your inferiors, and your duty of love is greater
toward your wife, then of course it logically follows that the
countenance you show to her should be greater. the approval you
show for her doing well should be greater and more extensive
than the approval that you show to your children, for example.
This is a sore spot in many marriages, is that sometimes a husband will
show his approval to, I mean, there's a hierarchy, right? Wife,
children, and then others. So often a dad or a husband is
approving of people outside of the family very vocally. What
about those in his family? Does he ever approve of them
when they do good? Sometimes no, actually. Sometimes people
become very bitter because of this. Children and wives become
very bitter because it's like, if you're out here approving
of everybody else, you never say anything good about what
we do. And that can breed, and actually logically leads to bitterness,
because then it's like, well, you're a hypocrite. You want
other people to think well of you because you approve of them,
but what about us? We do things that are worthy of approval occasionally.
It's not like we're not sinners, but there are things people do
that are worthy of approval, and you never do that for us,
but you're so quick to do it for other people. It's like the
dad who won't provide for his own family, and he gives everybody
in the neighborhood gifts, or whatever. All the neighborhood
kids, they get candy, but his own kids, what do they get? Nothing. So, the idea of countenance in
your wife is recognizing there is a hierarchy of those that
you ought to be approving of, and your wife should be at the
top of that. She ought to be the one who hears your praise
more than anybody else. And then your children after
her, and then the community around you after that. Now, again, this
is not to say there aren't exceptions to the rule. You have a wicked
wife who's a continual dripping, as Solomon says. He says he'd
rather live on the rooftop all the way on the other side of
the house than be in the house with her, right? So there are exceptions
to the rule. This isn't like Pollyanna. Let's
pretend like every wife is super awesome when they're not. Some
wives are wicked. So you have to recognize, realistically,
there may be an exception to this rule. But this is the basic
rule. We don't live by exceptions.
We live by rules. And then we recognize that there may be exceptions.
So countenancing your wife when she does well, that's the context.
But if you're a fault-finding sort of person, you may not realize
there are things she does well. And so you'll overlook it, and
you shouldn't. That's sinful. All right, and then not just
countenancing, but also number seven, commending. That is where
you, to her or to others, demonstrate your approval with words. I approve of this good thing
that you've done. And again, back to the countenancing,
same idea. There has to be a hierarchy of
the wife receiving the heaviest commendations that you have to
give, children secondary, everybody else trailing behind. So commendation,
speaking words of approval when good things are done. And again,
back to biblical ethics, God blesses and he curses, God commends
and he condemns. So the husband in this case,
or the father toward the children, he's to reflect what God does. He's to imitate what God does. So if God blesses in words, so
should he, should imitate God. If God shows his approval for
those who do what is good, so should he, in imitation of God.
Which leads to number eight, reward your wife when she does
well. Show her in tangible, real ways,
specific, tangible ways, I approve of you. And sometimes this can
be for some, it's different for different women, but most women
like flowers. We're talking about that recently.
I don't give as many flowers as I used to. That's a sin on
my part. Reward your wife when she does well. Some women like
jewelry, some like sweets, some like other things. Understanding
your wife and knowing what is the reward that would mean something
to her, that's an important feature in the authority structure of
a family rewarding your wife when she does well and Then number
nine on the negative side is to discontinence your wife when
she does evil So this again, this countenance, the face, the
eyes, that's usually when the Bible talks about the countenance.
It's usually the eyes or the face. But it can include gestures
as well. It can include body language
as we call it. You know, someone who shrugs
their shoulders and kind of brings them up. Well, that tends to
say, I'm upset about what's going on here. Their face is flush
red. What do you think? Are you real
happy? You'd think that person's TO'd, like they're real mad.
and then the furrowing of the brow. That's disapproval. Some people have a natural look
on their face that tends to be nasty. That's not what we're
talking about. You can tell. People can adjust
to what's the natural nasty face this person makes and when they
disapprove. There are very few people you can't tell the difference.
But there are some, I suppose. There are exceptions to the rule.
But most everybody, you can tell by their face, does this person
approve Do they think I'm retarded? Are they upset? Just by looking
at their face, you can often tell, at least have a general
idea, what is the status of this person? So a face and eyes, they
can countenance or discountenance. It's important in this regard
to distinguish the two. This is a mistake some people
make, is they'll countenance by their gestures. While their
words say one thing, their gestures say something else. Oh, Jimmy,
don't do that. And then they laugh about it.
Just poke your sister in the eye. The word says, don't poke
your sister in the eye. And the gesture says, I approve
of that. What are you saying to your child in that case? So
you want your countenance to be consistent with what God discountenances
or countenances. What does he approve of? What
does he disapprove of? When your wife does evil, don't
approve of it. Don't demonstrate approval by
the look on your face or the gestures that you make or the
words that you speak. Which brings us to reprove, number
10. Reprove your wife when she does
evil. Now, reproofs hurt, actually. That's the prohibition to Timothy
with regard to older men, is he's not to issue corrections
to him that hurt, but not to be biting or forceful. Because reproof hurts. It's shaming someone, you might
say. And again, it's appropriate sometimes. People think in our day, well,
you're hurting people's feelings. Yeah, we live in a fallen world.
We don't worship people's feelings. Now, let me rephrase that. We
shouldn't worship people's feelings. But in our society, you know,
what happens is that people's feelings are worshipped. as if
they have a divine right to feel that way. I feel like I'm a cat. Well, you're not, and that's
stupid. That needs to be reproved. If you're a human, you're not
a cat. I don't care what you feel about it. It's retarded. It's ridiculous. It's unnatural.
It's contrary to all observable phenomena. So it doesn't matter
if you feel like something you're not. You see, that's a reproof,
right? That hurts. If a person were
to receive that, it's supposed to hurt. because it's reproving
something that is absurd, ridiculous, or evil. In this case, there
are times to reprove. There can't be Mr. Nice Guy in
the household at all times, unless your wife is sinless, which is
the other problem in a worshipping the feelings psychological environment
is women are elevated to goddesses that you can never blaspheme
and speak against. I've observed this firsthand. Don't say anything
bad about the woman. But the man will crush him with
his sins. Pastors and elders do this. Will
crush the man for his sins. What about the woman? When are
you going to deal with her sins? Oh, we'll excommunicate the guy
first, then we'll get to her. Do they ever get to her? No,
they don't actually. Because she's presumed to be
floating on air angel, and he's presumed to be a demon. And so
they never deal with it justly. But even husbands have to reprove
their wives at times. So, should pastors reprove women
from the pulpit? Yeah, the scriptures say it.
That's their duty and they're not doing it. Or if there's a
potential that they could be tempted not to, admonish them
about it. But if there's an observable
sin that's pointed out in scripture that women commit, they should
be reproved. So that they don't commit it
if they're not committing it. Or if they are committing it,
they can repent. But pastors have been trained to worship
the feeling of women, and women tend to be more emotional creatures.
So if feelings are to be worshiped, guess who's on the top of the
deity chain in that pagan concept? Women are always on the top.
So it's not appropriate. There are times to reprove. There's
a time for every purpose under heaven. Okay, so the duty of
love. The duty of prayer, blessing,
instruction, counsel, and admonition. Countenancing your wife when
she does well, commending her, rewarding her when she does well.
Discountenancing your wife when she does evil, reproving her
when she does evil. And then on page five, we'll
run through these last four. Number 11, to protect your wife. This is a duty a man owes to
his wife. Again, whether he does it himself
directly or sees to it. If a man has the means to provide
a more safe place for his wife, And he says, well, I'm going
to save some money. We're going to move to a shanty
town in San Francisco because we can save money that way. We
could live in a tent next to the crackheads and all these
people. Well, we could save money. What's
the big deal? Calm down. I'm just looking after
our finances. Well, you have a duty to protect
your wife. That's an extreme example. But you get the idea.
If you have the ability to protect your wife in a more significant
way and you say, yeah, but my money is more important. What
are you saying? I hate my wife because the general
duty of love is one specific way is to protect her from harm. to protect her from crime to
protect her from heresy to protect her from false voices that speak
into her life that tell her you're a goddess and your feelings should
be worshipped and everybody should sniff you and say that you smell
like roses or something that's that's unsavory but it's out
there in the church i can assure you there are plenty of voices
who want to tell women you're a goddess they're not going to
say those words They're going to use Christianese words that
tell her she's a goddess and she has no sins and she doesn't
need to repent because, after all, it's all her husband's fault.
There are voices that tell women, assure them, in the most pious
language possible, they have no sins to repent of. You have
to protect your wife from that. So there are all sorts of dangers
in life. There are dangers physical, spiritual,
emotional, mental, etc. Peter talks about dwelling with
your wife in an understanding way, according to knowledge,
giving honor under her as a weaker vessel. That means protecting
her. That means keeping her from you
sometimes, because you might be tempted to conceive of her
as another one of the bros and to push her as if she could handle
what you can handle. That's not protecting your wife.
That's not recognizing that she can't actually, maybe emotionally,
maybe physically, maybe mentally, she can't put up with what I
can put up with. But if I expect her to keep pace
with me, and I'm ready to go to war and kill, well is she
made for going to war and killing? No, so part of protecting her
is recognizing there's a time that I might have to go off to
war and kill. And that's true literally, but
also figuratively. There are times that men have
to be ready to go off and kill. And you see this in the Bible
all over the place. Play the man, Joab says, for
who? people at home, cities of our God, where our wives are,
they stay here, we go out and fight. And so there's a recognition
even within the scriptures that there's a general duty of men
to protect women, but this is a specific heightened duty toward
his specific wife, to protect her in particular. And this,
of course, is related to number 12, to provide for your wife
and all things necessary for soul and body, not just to ward
off the wolves, but to feed your wife, to give her those things
that she needs to live, nourish and cherish. That's what Ephesians
5 says. Nourishing is literally feeding. That's what that means. And cherishing
means you keep someone warm. so that they don't go cold and
get sick and die. So it's the preservation, the
necessities of life. Solomon says a man should go
out and prepare his field first and then prepare his house. So
provide a means by which you can sustain a household, in other
words. That's the natural order. Can you provide? This is a question
for dads. You know, if you've got a daughter,
a guy comes along, Question number one, does he know the Lord? She's
a Christian, she can't marry outside of the faith. Question
number two, can he provide for her? All things necessary for
body, and soul. Soul first, body second. Does
he have the capacity to communicate and to instruct this girl who
will be his wife and she'll be the woman in the house? Can he
instruct her? Can he guide her? Can he counsel
her? Can he admonish her? He might be Mr. Nice Guy. You
know what that means he can't do if he's Mr. Nice Guy? He can't
actually rebuke her when she needs it. So if he comes along,
Mr. Nice Guy, and there's no hard
side to him, guess what sort of husband he's going to make?
One that can't be respected. So it's going to lower her esteem
for him if they're married. And then if he needs to reprove
her, what's he going to do? He's just going to let her be.
He's just going to let her walk all over him because he doesn't
know how to reprove. So again, Back to the illustration
of a husband and a wife, what is necessary for her soul? What
is good for her spiritual well-being? What is necessary for her body?
Those are the things that must be provided, not just protecting
from the dangers, but also building up and feeding in the actual
requirements of the spiritual and the physical life. OK, and
then number 13. Now we're not talking about so
much duties toward her directly, but indirectly. To carry yourself
with gravity, wisdom, and holiness as her example, so as to procure
glory to God and honor to yourself. All right, so here, again, this
is an indirect means of obeying what God requires of you toward
your wife, because it's directed primarily toward yourself. How
do you carry yourself? How do you govern yourself? How do you conduct yourself?
Gravity means that you're not a light person, flitting about
with no grounding. Carried away by zeal without
knowledge, or by ignorance itself, or by your emotional fancies,
or by the latest whatever fad that pops along in doctrine or
culture or whatever. That's lacking in gravity. Gravity
means you're a little more heavy than your person. You're not
as easily moved. And this, again, if you look
at the virtues and vices, gravity can go to excess by a person
being too tenacious and not being willing to be taught, for example.
So you can be so heavy nobody can move you. Sometimes you need
to be moved. So gravity can go to an excess.
Anyways, gravity is a basic virtue that requires you to have some
weightiness about your character and your conduct and your words.
Wisdom Do you know what means lead to what ends? Do you understand
what God requires of you and the duty he imposes on your inferiors? Do you understand the relative
priority of the duties that God requires of you and of those
under your authority? Do you know how to avoid Satan's
pitfalls where he'll offer you a ditch on this side of God's
path or the ditch on the opposite side of God's path but wisdom
says I ought to be on God's path. That's extremely important. I was talking to somebody recently
about the idea of feminism and the idea of patriarchy and the
Bible presents things that honor women which the feminist pushes
to an excess and says, kind of like what I was saying earlier,
women are infallible and they ought to be worshipped and they
ought to rule, they ought to dominate and be the equal of
men in society. Well, no, that's not true. Should
women be honoured? Yeah, and that means to place
a premium or a high price on her. That's literally what Peter
says. Okay, so here's one ditch is
feminism. Now, patriarchy just means that
the man rules, the father rules his household. That's fine so
far as it goes. But some people idealize it and
don't take it in the biblical context, and they push it way
too far over here. And what they'll say is, for
example, here's an extreme patriarchy position. I am the head of my
household, therefore no ecclesiastical authority can teach my inferiors."
Is that what the Bible says? No, absolutely not. The Bible
says that the whole congregation is under the authority of the
elders, teachers and elders ordained by Christ. So the extreme patriarch
says, my family is only under my authority, nobody else is
going to teach my family. No, that's not biblical. But
Satan presents it, just like Satan presents feminism. Women
should be looked after. Yeah, that's true. So let's extreme
that and turn it into an ideal. No, that's not true. Men should
be honored and respected in their households. Yes, that's true.
Therefore, there is no authority over them. No, that's not true.
So both of those would be extreme positions. Wisdom says, I can
direct between the extremes that Satan sets. I know that the means
lead to that end. I know the relative rank and
priority, so that the tithing of mint and anise and cumin is
down here, and justice, mercy, and the love of God are up here.
And that I give this the emphasis that God says, and this the emphasis
that he says. I ought to do both, but never
one to the exclusion of the other. That's wisdom. And then holiness,
of course, is being purely devoted to God, being consecrated to
Him, growing in holiness and sanctification, more and more
devoted to God over time, growing in grace. All of that brings
glory to God and honor to himself. And then finally, just to wrap
this up, number 14, to preserve the authority which God has put
upon you. This is the duty of a husband.
You must not behave yourself, speak, think, prioritize, plan,
act. You must not do things to waste
away your authority. Now, your authority exists because
of your office, but what this is talking about is how you conduct
yourself in your office either tends to lend credence to your
office or it undermines your office. A foolish husband is
still a husband. Still has rights. Wife still
owes him duties. Fine. Absolutely true. And in
counseling a wife, she needs to recognize that. He's still
your husband, even if he's a fool husband. But when the husband
is being counseled, he has to understand you're supposed to
be preserving your office. Your conduct in your office as
husband should be with a goal, one of the goals, that I don't
do anything to undermine my authority. Now, indiscretion, foolishness,
levity in your office, hypocrisy, all those serve to undercut the
authority that a husband has. So this is saying, and this is
what scripture teaches, is that a husband has to behave himself,
think, act, plan, etc. in such a way that his authority
doesn't get eroded by the foolish things that he says or does.
You must act to preserve the authority. Why? Because God put
it upon you. You're reflecting God's image.
What sort of representation do you make toward your wife? Well,
it ought to be the sort that preserves as opposed to undermines. And with that, we'll conclude.
5th Commandment: Application to Husbands, Part 2
Series 5th CMD Study_24
| Sermon ID | 102242021126238 |
| Duration | 47:03 |
| Date | |
| Category | Teaching |
| Bible Text | Colossians 3:19; Ephesians 5:25-33 |
| Language | English |
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