I want to start out by saying it's okay to like a girl and it's okay to like a boy. In fact, I hope you do that. I hope that hits somewhere. Now, Truman, it shouldn't hit at seventh grade, okay? You start liking girls and going girl crazy at seventh grade, I need to talk to you, all right? But as you get older, this shouldn't be something that you're afraid to talk about, okay? It's a good thing. And let me say that marriage is a good thing. If you have a goal to get married someday to a Christian person, that's a good thing. That's a wonderful thing. I love my marriage. I love my family. And I hope that you grow up wanting to have what your parents have. That's a wonderful thing. Are any marriages perfect? No. But I'll tell you this, if you can marry, it's much better going through life with someone than it is by yourself. You know, God made us to be companions to someone. You know, he saw Adam and he said this, he said this, it's not good that he's by himself. He said, I'm going to solve that. I'm going to make a woman for Adam. And that's a wonderful thing. What I want you to get tonight, what I want to set in your mindset is it's not evil to think about that desire. Man, one day I hope I can marry somebody. I hope we can have children. I hope that we can live for the Lord together. You know what? That's a really good desire. The truth of the matter is that's a God-given desire. And marriage was not something that was an afterthought to God. Marriage was part of God's original plan, was that a man and a woman would come together. Now let me say this, okay? We're in a culture that is pushing things down people's throats. as far as really changing God's plan on this front, okay? And there are, sad to say, in good youth groups like this, good families represented like this, there are kids that come out of these youth groups, these churches, these families, and they go the direction of gay, of lesbian, of transgender. Truth of the matter is, I know a pastor, he's an independent Baptist pastor, and his son just came out and notified him that he's gay, he wants to be gay. Now watch this, if you have thoughts about that, you talk to me about that, okay? I'm not gonna take your neck off. I am going to help you, biblically, to resist any direction like that. And don't be afraid to talk to me. Don't be afraid to talk to somebody. Don't be afraid to talk to your parents. It's better to talk about it and let's get it resolved than to grow up, have it in your heart all these years, and then act on it. That's why God gave you a church. That's why God gave you spiritual leaders. That's why God gave you family. And so I want to preface what I'm going to say by that. I want to say that this decision is the second most important decision in your whole entire life. So some of you may say, I don't want to talk about this. It's far away. I don't even want to think about it. Well, you need to think about it. And we need to talk about it. You may think, well, buying a house is going to be an important decision, or my first car, or where I go to college. Listen, those things are minute in comparison to this decision. This decision is huge in your life. And because of that, I want to spend some time talking to you about it tonight. And I want to try to make it interesting and fun. At the same time, I want to be very, very direct. Okay? And I want to be very, I don't want to say blunt, I don't want to say indiscretionate, I just want to be frank. Okay? And so some of the things we're going to talk about tonight are frank. Did everybody get a handout, the three handouts when you came in? Is there anybody who did not get handouts? OK, Sammy, Caprice. Ladies, can a couple of you grab these and just get these to people that have their hands raised. Keep your hands. If you ever took notes, gentlemen, I know notes and taking's not a big deal. To you generally, they're not exciting. But if you ever took notes on a lesson in team time, tonight's the one I want you to take notes on. OK? If you ever didn't throw a handout away, tonight's the handout I don't want you to throw away. OK? What I'm going to give you tonight is gold. And I don't know about you, but if I have gold or silver, I don't throw it away. I keep it. I hide it somewhere. I make sure I have it. The stuff you may not use tomorrow, but I'm telling you, what I'm giving you is very, very important to your life tonight. It's a weighty subject. All right, there's three handouts. One is called The Commitment in Courtship. I will talk about that handout a little later. I'm not going to go word for word through it. Number two is what to look for in a Christian young man when the time comes. What are you looking for? Number three on the other side is what are you looking for in a Christian young lady? Now watch this, guys. You need to pay close attention to what you're looking for in a Christian young lady. You need to read through those questions. But watch this. You need to really focus on what to look in a Christian young man because that's what you're supposed to be. And it's more important what you're supposed to be than what you're looking for. And so both sides are for all of you. Girls, you want to look at that as, what am I looking for in a young man? But what you really want to focus on is, what should I be as a Christian young man? How can I be the right kind of mate someday? That preparatory work can be done right now, right where you're at. Proverbs chapter number 2 and I want you to look with me at verse number Four, it's dealing with wisdom. If thou seekest her as silver and searchest for her as hid treasures, then shalt thou understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. Let me preface by what I say tonight by prefacing with these verses. You're only going to get wisdom if you search for it. If this becomes disinteresting to you, and team time is just a place to come as a club and hang out with friends, and you're really disinterested in what's coming through the Word of God, then what I'm going to give to you tonight, you're not going to get understanding on. You have to want it. You have to go after it. You have to seek after it. If you seek after it, then you'll get the understanding of it as to how it relates to your life and how truth will make a difference in this area. Understanding's a big thing. Listen, young people, knowledge isn't going to take you anywhere. Biblical knowledge isn't going to take you anywhere if it's not followed with understanding. Understanding is the application of that knowledge. And if you're coming to church and you're week after week, Wednesday, Sunday, school Sunday, morning, Sunday night, missions, conferences, revivals, you're at all that stuff, but you're only getting knowledge, there's a good chance you're going to screw this part of your life up. I told you I'm going to be frank tonight. If you're not applying wisdom, you're not applying knowledge, you're in deep trouble. Spiritually, you're in deep trouble. You better get serious in your life about applying. I'm not putting anybody into that category. I can't see everybody's heart tonight. That's not my job. But I'm warning you, if you don't have the fear of the Lord, you don't have understanding, then all I'm doing is putting information and words in front of you that's going to go in the trash can and right outside your heart. It's going to go whoosh, whoosh, and mishear. And my prayer over this session has been that it would get here, okay? Because if it gets here, there becomes a commitment, there becomes a decision, there becomes a determination to do it right. And that is important, all right? By way of introduction, understanding's important. Solomon is writing this to his son. He's saying you need understanding. Understanding is a discernment of what is right and choosing to go down that path of what is right or what is a good path. And so whether you're at the beginning of your teen years tonight or you're winding them up, your desire to get to know and spend time with the opposite gender will increase. God made it that way. Parents, don't be surprised at that and don't be angry at that. God made it that way. And because of that, we want to look ahead tonight and we want to kind of prepare for what's coming around the next corner. There's a road sign that says marriage coming up. Guys, pretty girl coming up. Girls, attractive guy coming up around the corner, okay? And so with that, part of my philosophy of training my children is to always prepare them for what is next before they get there, okay? And I want to do that tonight. Let me say the desires in these areas are not wrong. Make that clear tonight. But let me also say that for every right path that God has, Satan has a wrong path. Okay? So I'm pretty sure what you mean by that. I mean there are right priorities for us and there are wrong priorities for us. I mean there are right attitudes for us and there are wrong attitudes for us. I mean there's a right way to think and there's a wrong way to think. Listen, every area of your life, you need to understand that. It's not, I just do whatever comes to me every day. No, every day I'm making choices. I am actually walking and I'm going down a path. And that path is either right or it's wrong. It's not neutral. It's not a path that, you know, you know, it really doesn't matter. This decision doesn't matter. No. There's a right path and there's a wrong path, and I'm making choices to go down one of those ways. I want you to know that God has a right path that can be followed. You say, well, I just can't do what God wants me to do. No, you can. You really can. If you have a heart that wants to please God, you can go down the right. But Pastor, you don't understand the background that I grew up in. No, if you have a heart to do what's right, you can go down the right path. With God's help, every person here can go down the right path in life. And so, with that, tonight I want to show you Satan's path to marriage, which is driven by lust, and God's path to marriage, which is driven by love. And I want to give you the steps on that path. And my prayer is that wisdom will enter into your heart. The devil's staircase is focused on me. As you take notes on one side of your orange piece of paper there, is the devil's staircase. On the other side is God's staircase. Okay? And so I'm going to give you the devil's staircase first, and then I'm going to end with God's staircase tonight. Alright? The devil's staircase, step number one in the devil's staircase begins with wrong inputs. Wrong inputs. You can write out to the side, Proverbs 23, verse number 7, As a man thinketh in his heart, we're talking about something that's going to happen in the future. But hear me well, you're taking steps down one of the paths I'm talking about right now. And you're doing that by the inputs that you're allowing in your life. You say, preacher, what do you mean? Here's what I mean. I mean, allowing things into your heart that defiles your heart. The Bible says in Matthew chapter 15, but those things which proceed out of the mouth come forth from the heart and they defile the man. Watch this. For out of the heart proceeds evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witnesses, blasphemies. These are the things which defile a man. Now watch these things. Evil thoughts. They come out of the heart, the Bible says. To come out of the heart, what has to happen? They have to get involved. Murders. To come out of the heart, they have to what? Go in the heart. Adulteries. To come out of the heart, they have to go in the heart. Fornications. That's immorality. That's losing your purity. before marriage. To come out of the heart, they have to go in the heart. Then how do these things get in the heart? Pornography, okay, good, good. Gentlemen, speak to you more on this, not all the young ladies. But if you put that through these eyeballs into this mind, it's going down to the heart. And watch this, here's the problem with wrong inputs. It's going to intensify a normal desire that God put in your life. Watch this, God puts a normal desire in us, alright, to have a satisfactory, a satisfying relationship with somebody from the opposite gender. And that includes spiritual relationship, and that includes physical relationship, that includes companionship. But watch this, listen closely, when you let wrong inputs in, what it does is it takes that makes it an overwhelming desire that you have to have right now. And it leads down a bad path called the devil's staircase. Because gentlemen, that pornography is going to accentuate desires in your heart and your mind that you're going to want to fulfill and you're not going to want to wait until marriage. And you get those desires amped up enough, you pour enough gasoline on those desires, and hear me, you're not going to control it. Okay? Pornography. Important wrong input. What else? Somebody else help me. What you read. Gross? In time, that desire fulfilled within the bounds of marriage is a wonderful thing. But outside the bounds, you're taking a wrong input in, and watch me, it's going to overwhelm your desires. And I look at it this way, if the world can talk about all this and we listen to the world on television about all this, then the preacher can talk about this. Within boundaries and with discretion, but I'm trying to help you. You, if you're feeding on those things, I want you to know that you are feeding a desire that's going to become an unlawful desire. The biblical word is concupiscence. Okay? The Bible says we're not to get into the lust of concupiscence. That means when a desire becomes unlawful. Now I want to do this and I'm not allowed to do this. Okay? What else feeds? What else is a wrong input tonight? How about watching television shows with bedroom scenes, immodesty, dirty language? Do you ever think about this? Murder has to come out the heart, but it has to go into the heart. So here's a video game that I'm just killing people left and right. You know what I'm becoming desensitized to? Murder. I just talked to a parent about this. They said, my son wants to go over and kill people over in Iraq. So let me ask you a question. Does he play any war games? He said, yeah. He's into a lot of war games. I said, bingo. It has fed a desire. Listen, none of us ought to want to kill people. That's the last effort when we go to war that has a very, very, you've heard of post-traumatic stress disorder? You've heard of some of the things that our military men face? They don't go to war because, Man, they kill people. You know what? They talk about it. They don't want to talk about it. But it's on their mind. That picture's on their mind the rest of their lives. Who has to go in? Fornication's come out of the heart. Who has to go in? Better teens? Television shows? R-rated movies? Shows that are very loose morally? And here's what I'm saying, teens. You're on a path right now. This path to marriage is already being formed by your inputs. I'm just trying to be frank and honest with you. You can't put garbage in and come to the choice of a life partner and get it right. Those wrong inputs are going to affect you. It's subtle. You don't see it now. But they're going to affect you. Wrong places. Proms. Boys and girls hanging all over each other. Sorry, as a Christian, as a Bible believer, that's not a place to be. Beaches with nude women all over the place. Not going to do good for you. Things are going to enter the heart that are not good, that are going to affect this decision. It's Satan's staircase, and he's building it up, and he's building it up right now through your inputs. Carnal crowd. Disobedient Christians. Dating sites. Bad place. You're going to get down the wrong road. Your preacher may be old-fashioned, but your preacher knows people. And I've dealt with situations over the years. And I'm trying to help you tonight. These are wrong inputs. Can a man take fire in his bosom and clothes not be burned? And here's how it's convinced. Everyone else is doing it, preacher. Mom and dad, everybody else is doing it. It's not going to hurt me. I will be the exception to the rule. I'll be able to take the good out of the situation and live amongst the evil of it. It's my decision. It's my body. It's my life. God's given me a desire. I got to fulfill it. You know, I wouldn't want to stand before God with any of those arguments someday on why I didn't do right. Because they're not going to fly. You believe Satan's sales pitch. And so the first step here is wrong input. Second step on Satan's staircase to lust is unlawful desires. What do wrong inputs lead to? They lead to unlawful desires. Your affections get set on something else other than the Lord. Which, by the way, is a reason why I highly advise not to get interested in somebody in high school. Why you ought to wait, why you ought to grow up a little bit, keep your affection set here on the Lord. There'll be a time for all of that. Within the context of courting, what stir up these desires? We've talked about wrong inputs, but now we're in a situation where Brandon likes somebody. And he's talked to dad about it, and he's talked to her dad about it, and they have begun to court, spend time with one another, supervise, parental involvement, all of those things. But Brandon doesn't have a problem with being alone in a vehicle with this girl. What's going to happen? I'll tell you what's going to happen. Those desires are going to increase. And they're going to become unlawful desires. Because he's putting himself in a situation that's going to stir that up. Nobody will know anything. Alright? Love letters that express physical desires. In a relationship, that's dangerous. That's not good. Holding hands. Now, they're giving each other a goodnight kiss when he drops her off. Touching. Lack of accountability to anybody. Running ahead, starting the process too early. Watch this. These are the things within a relationship that are going to fast forward it on something that is not good. Alright? And it's going to turn into something unlawful. It's going to put you in a situation where you're going to break God's law on some matter. That is a serious thing. And so, temptation is going to grow stronger. 1 Thessalonians 4, verse 3, says not, or verse number five, says, not in the lust of concupiscence, even as the Gentiles which know not God. You say, preacher, what if I really choose that path? And I say, forget this Bible stuff. Man, I have this desire, I'm gonna fulfill it. It's an unlawful desire. Watch this, your life is gonna look like somebody that doesn't know God. Right. Is that what you want? You go down this path, you stir up all these things, and then your life's going to look like, the Bible says here, when you're in the lust of concupiscence, an unlawful desire, even as the Gentiles which know not God. That's the way of the world. That's the way of the atheist. That's the way of the teenager with no restraints. Is that where you want to be? Step number three. Say, preacher, what's another step on the staircase? Rushing ahead of God's timing. We find a lot of Bible characters that had this problem. We find a guy by the name of Jacob that had this problem. Birthright, remember? Rushed ahead and got it the wrong way. Check out his life. Read about it for years to come with his brother Esau. Find out all the trouble that it caused by just rushing ahead. How about Samson? Hey, mom and dad, go get me that girl down in Tin Man. The end result was eventually he got Delilah to study his eyes. His eyes that were so uncontrolled, he eventually lived without them. He rushed ahead. Young people, one of the big mistakes I watch in this area is young people who rush ahead in this area. Parents, I find this true. generally in young ladies that don't have a good relationship with their daddy. Okay? They want what they feel like they've missed their whole life. And so they go after something quick. And they rush. And may it be a warning to us dads, better work at that relationship. It has bigger implications than what you can know especially in the choice of a life partner. Rushing ahead is part of Satan's staircase. Rushing ahead, gentlemen, without preparing your work. Proverbs 24, 27 ought to be a verse for every young man. You ought to write down beside step number three, prepare thy work without, then build thine house. That means you ought not to even think about courting a girl or calling a father until you know what the world you're doing in life. You've got the training, and you're ready to provide for a family. Because if you can't provide for a family and you get married, you're worse than an infidel, somebody that's unfaithful to their marriage partner. You're worse than that. So, girls, open your ears for a second and just talk to the guys. I'm talking to you. If he doesn't know what he's doing, he's not worth your time. I don't care how cute he is. I don't care how friendly he is and makes you feel comfortable around him. If he doesn't know where he's going, he's not worth your time. You're setting up for a miserable life. Alright? Be warned about that. Rushing ahead of God's timing where no counsel is. The people fall. You don't get any counsel. You start setting up a secret relationship that you're developing privately online through emails, through cell phones that mom and dad don't know with somebody maybe that you don't even know. Without counsel, what's the Bible say? You're going to fall and you're going to fall hard. Don't do that. Don't rush ahead like that. I'm speaking. If I could take you into my office, into marriage counseling, people that have been married for 20 years, you know where their problems come back to? Before they got married. The things I'm talking about. Okay. Number four, the step is make provision for the flesh. Step on the devil's staircase is make provision for the flesh. abstain from all appearance of evil, the Bible says, but put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ and make not provision for the flesh to fulfill the lust thereof. That's why on the commitment to courtship sheet, there's things like this. We will obey our parents in any standard or regulation set, even if we do not agree. We will not begin our further relationship without my parents or her parents' permission. Isn't it my choice? But you'd be wise to not make provision for the flesh. That means if you've talked it over with your girlfriend or boyfriend, if you think that hugging is no problem, we can do that. And mom and dad says, son and daughter, don't you remember what we talked about? And what Scripture says, it's not good to touch a woman. Watch this. A godly young person saying, even if that's not my standard, I'll trust my parents' judgment on it. So I'm not making prohibition. Young people, watch this. I've watched many young people have that at 7th, 8th, and 9th grade. And at 19, and 20, and 21, lose it. You'd be wise to set up very high standards right now and make a commitment to your parents and to your God No provision for the flesh. Provision for the flesh. Gentlemen, open your ears. Girls, you can shut your ears for a second. Here's a big one. That'll bring trouble. Idle time in your life. When you have all kinds of time that you don't know what to do with, that spells a word. It's called trouble. Because idle time, what it does is it sets up provision for the flesh. It sets up your mind for something that's not good. It sets up you giving your time and attention to something that's going to defile your heart. That's why you ought to stay busy. That's why you ought to get up every day and have a schedule. That's why you ought to make a list of things to do every day and be busy, busy, busy. Young men ought to be busy. Young men ought to be working. Okay? Why? Because idle time is the formula for making provision for your flesh. You'll get in trouble that way. Okay? Important thing. Looking in the wrong places. Not protecting the purity of my mind and my heart. Girls, turn your ears on. Guys, you can shut your ears. Girls? You make provision for the flesh by the way you dress. You dress wrong, you're going to attract the wrong guy. And you're going to go down the path of the flesh. I said, Preacher, you guys hammer on this stuff. You know why we hammer? Because we want you to have it right. We want you to have a joyful life down the road. And you mess these little things up. I'll tell you, if it's short, if it's high, if it's tight, I'll tell you who it's going to attract. It's going to attract a young man that is selfish and will take advantage of you. That's what it will attract. You say, well, preacher, what if I dress like the church expects me to dress and I just feel like a robot? Keep a good heart about it. You have a bright smile. You have a free heart. You know what you're going to attract? You're going to attract a godly man that will save himself for you. And you know what? You'll be able to serve God together, and you'll be glad that that happened that way. All right? Make provision for the flesh. That's an important principle, and that is what the devil wants. That's part of his staircase. Number five, lack of accountability. Lack of accountability. When you get into this arena, you need... Here's what you need. It'd be good for you and the person you may be courting with to sit down first with both sets of parents and say, hold us accountable. We want to do it right. If I'm dead, you can ask any question that you want to ask about our relationship and watch this and I will be honest with you. That's a pretty tall step, you know. But you know what? If you're serious about keeping it right, you got to have some accountability. You got to have somebody that can ask you the tough questions. I deal with men and pornography. I tell them, you want to get over this? I got to be able to ask you, and you got to be able to tell me honestly what's going on. Otherwise, I'm not helping you, and you're not going anywhere. And same thing here. Have accountability. Have somebody that you're willing to answer to. Ask a staff member at our church and his wife, hey, will you guys help us in this? We're starting out. We want to do it right. Will you talk to us about those things? 6. Yielding to the desire. Yielding to the desire is part of this plan. Flee also youthful lust, but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace. He doesn't want you to flee. He wants you to yield your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin. Romans chapter 6 verse number 13. And number 7, robbed of purity. The Bible says in 1 Thessalonians chapter 4 that we are not to possess our vessels in fornication. that if we do, we become impure with somebody, we have actually robbed them, and we've robbed ourselves. You ever been robbed before? It doesn't feel good. I lost a bike when I was in high school, a brand new bike. Somebody stole it. One of the worst things you can steal from somebody is their purity. One of the worst things you can steal from yourself is your purity, and you get robbed of it. And you say, preacher, is it really that big a deal? I mean, we see it everywhere. It is because there's pain from these choices. It's on your handout on the front. Irreversible choices with consequences. If you're robbed of your purity, it's irreversible. All of a sudden you got a girlfriend that's expecting a child out of wedlock. Brings shame to your family. Sometimes it causes you to think thoughts. I want to protect my reputation, maybe I should abort it. Many a Christian girl have gone down that road. They lost their purity and they didn't want anybody to know it, so they just had an abortion. Sometimes it leads to worse choices. By the way, it did in David's life, too. He had Bathsheba's husband murdered. Sin against your own body, it's a bad example to others. There's personal guilt. There's a lack of trust in that relationship down the road. Lots of problems there, folks. Something worth considering. Let's look at God's staircase to marriage. I'll give it to you in the next 10-15 minutes. What is God's staircase to marriage? Put down this. Right inputs. We've talked about wrong inputs. What's a right input? Country music? Is that a right input? No? No. Talks about cheating on everybody else's wife and everything else. Very impure. By the way, it has a strong hold on Christian young people in our community. country music does. By the way, you put junk in, you're going to get junk out. What's the right input though? There are right inputs. Godly music. That's a right input. What's another right input? Noah? Sermons. Good. Another right input. There's something else. Sean? Lots of Bible time. Right here's an excellent little book. Some of you have it. I'd read it once a year if I was a teenager. I've had all my kids read it. Some of them twice, I believe. By Jerry Ross, Settling the Real Laws of Courtship. Deals with this topic. You know what? There's a whole bunch of books in the library, in the teen library, that we have purchased for your benefit. You like reading fiction? All right. There's some good historical fiction, some character-building stuff. But you ought to read something that's real once in a while. You ought to read something that builds you, okay? Right inputs will help with pure thoughts. Philippians 4, 8 right there in 2 Corinthians 10, verse 5, casting down imaginations and every high thing that exalted itself against the knowledge of God. Think on things that are pure, things that are lovely, things that are just, things that are honest, things that are good report. That's the kind of thinking I'm going to have. Teenagers, hear me. That doesn't happen on purpose. It doesn't happen by accident. You don't wake up and just go, oh, I just happened to think on something that was pure today. You got to put the right stuff in to get the right stuff out. Number two, a foresight, the foresight of evil. God's staircase to marriage is the foresight of evil. Proverbs 22, verse number three, a prudent man foreseeth the evil and hideth himself, but the simple pass on and are punished. And then write down Jeremiah 17, 9. The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. Who can know it? That's right. What does that mean, preacher? That means I'm going to perceive myself maybe in a relationship with a young man or a young lady, and guess what? My heart's wicked. What does that mean? I had better not trust myself. Yep. I better have counsel. Watch this, young people. The minute you begin to like somebody, it gets in your craw. I've been there. I know. I know. You get it in your craw. I mean, it's like a hook in a fish's mouth. You can't get it out. And it blinds you. Like this. Like you can't see anything wrong with this person. And your parents aren't looking for somebody that's perfect. You're not going to find that person in life. But your parents bring up, You know that list that pastor gave you about four years ago, five years ago, six years ago? You know, have you gone down that list and just put that person in that framework? Well, why don't I just know he's God's will for my life? You know, does it concern you that he's not in church half the time? Your heart is deceitful. Your heart will trick you. Your heart will become blind to anything that is possibly wrong in the midst of that relationship. Then you get married. Everything that mom or dad or friend or pastor or pastor's wife tried to talk to you about, I'm going to live with it, him, her, for the rest of my life. If it is, your heart is deceitful. A prudent man foreseeth that and knows, you know what, second biggest decision of my life, I better put some people in place that will help me with my blind spots. I better be willing to listen to them. Listen. Every parent here wants their kid to get married to the right one, not a perfect one. But I will tell you this, mom and dad know you better than anybody in the world. And if they have a concern, they need to be able to voice it during that time. All right. And need to be able to have you hear it. foresight of evil requires us to set some standards and some convictions before I get to that point. In other words, I'm not going to wait until I like a girl and then say, well, I haven't thought about standards for this reason. No, foreseeing evil means I'm looking ahead and saying, you know what, this day's going to come. And with this day coming, I want to have some commitments in place. Commitments like this one. If there's a disagreement on a standard, we will practice the highest standard of the two. Commitments like this one, I will not court or be courted by someone who is unsaved or an uncommitted Christian. A preacher, I'll never find anybody. No, you will. The truth is that commitment, a committed Christian will notice. when somebody is committed to those kind of commitments. And a committed Christian will say, aha, there's somebody I might be interested in. See, your commitments will also attract the right kind of person. Right? I will not be alone with someone from the opposite gender. I will not give myself to things that will intensify desires in this area. I will have the blessing of my parents and pastors as to whom I am marrying and when I am marrying. You say, preacher, why would you put all those things into place? Because I'm scared to death to make the wrong decision on the second most important decision of my life. I don't want to mess that one up. Because I don't want to mess that one up, I want to have everything in place in my life that I could have to protect me. Because there are people that have been down the road farther. And this is a big one. This is not choosing your flavor of ice cream. I will yield my members and my body to the Lord. Anyone who drives a wedge between me and my parents is not potential. I will give my parents veto power. You may not know this, but during Bill and Marcia's relationship, my father talked to my sister one night and said, cut it. Drop it. Marcia said, yes, sir. And you know what? God brought them back together with parental approval. They're together. But you know what? She had to cross the top bridge. That's a real tough bridge. But she did it. Number three, delight yourself in the Lord. Desires are given by God, right? I'll move quickly through these. And so if I delight myself in the Lord, what does God say? He will give me the desires of my heart. God put a desire there. If you want to get married, that's a God-given desire. You delight yourself in Him. and let him fulfill the desires. That's God's principle. Number four, work through the right channels. Work through the right channels. According to Numbers chapter 30, young ladies, you are under your parental authorities until you're transferred out of that authority to a man. Gentlemen, hear me. That's a big deal. To me, as a father, that's a good deal. My girls got put under my authority to the day that I released them to a man. Yep. Girls, that means you ought to be talking with your dad about this. Me and John, we just had a big talk about this, okay? You ought to be talking to him about that. You ought to be talking to him about who you like. You ought to be talking to him about who you're interested in. You ought to be talking to him about questions about it. You know, hey, how did you and mom get to know each other? Where did you and mom talk to dad? Okay, he's your authority. A guy comes and shows interest to you, Olivia, I'm really interested. Could we go out to Joe's for a date? You know, before I say yes to that, would you talk to my father? Good choice, all right? I'm not going to be mean to guys that come and talk to me, but I will tell you this, I'm going to get an impression of them. Let me and her have a talk. Melissa, Bill, John called me today, and he wants to take you out, and I asked some questions, and I'm going to make some phone calls on him. What do you think? You got to know him. We're going to talk, okay? If I find out that he's a bum, or I know that he's a bum, I'm going to say, you know, sir, thanks for asking. I just, at this point in time, don't think it's a good idea. Case closed. She doesn't even have to cross that bridge. OK? Now watch this, guys. Turn on your readers. All right? Anyone that's interested in foreign time, hugging time, whatever the name is. And Sherman would really like to get to know her. Boy, he's looked at that list. And boy, she has a lot of good spiritual qualities. And boy, he enjoys being around her. And boy, she's got a bright, beautiful countenance. She seems like a real godly girl. And Clementine, would you like to go with me? to a date together? Is that the right question? No. What's the right question? Clementine, I'd like to be able to court you. Would you mind if I talked to your father about that? No, that'd be fine. Mr. Doe, I like your daughter. Could I take her out for a time to get to know her with chaperones? You're working through her authority. Yep. That's the right way to start a relationship. And young ladies, turn your ears on. I would give a guy That's what he is. If he's not willing to talk to your daddy, no. You're sorry, bud. You don't get any attention. Alright? Work through the right channels. The right channel is important to the right start. There are many Christian kids, young people that get off to the wrong start because they start without parents. And you can start by building that relationship with parents right from the get-go. Gentlemen, if you start it right, here's what I said to my wife. I was 24 years old. She remembered. We sat in the kitchen, the dining hall, under supervision. And we had served in ministry together in a local church. And I said, I'd like to give, I'd like to, I'd like to have the opportunity to get to know you for the purpose of marrying you. You know what? She knows I'm serious. And I'm going to call your father. Is that OK? That's how it happened. You know what? From day one, I built with her father. Today, 20 years later, you know what I have with their parents? A wonderful relationship. We just spent a week of vacation together in the same house. Watch this. That doesn't happen by accident. And it doesn't happen by you starting the relationship off by going behind your parents' back and dishonoring them and things that they have taught you in and trained you in. And then, mom and dad, you're supposed to be happy with this. Show up on my wedding day and give me a hug and give me a big smile. Watch this. You can get all that from their heart if you do it right, if you build with them. You know what I didn't understand her? You know what I did? Dad Johnson, you got to help me. There's some things I don't understand about your daughter. Please help me. Serious. This happened. I said, you know, I love her, but, but I'm frustrated about some things. Well, son, let me explain to you. I was glad I talked to him. He helped me out a lot. We wouldn't have that had we not started right. You've got to get the chain of command right. You get the chain of command right, you're setting up a lifetime of relationships, family relationships. You want those, watch this, for life. Family relationships are for life. Let's not do something to injure them. Let's do it right. Let's build it right. Let's follow God's plan here, His staircase. Proper preparation, number five. Proper preparation. You say, what do you mean? I mean, right now, be building up personal responsibility. Learn to take personal responsibility for something. Gentlemen, here's a young man flaw. A young man flaw is this. When you don't do something quite right, And here's the common way that young men do it. It's a nice way to bomb. I forgot about it. Guess what? You're still responsible. You go to college and you forget to attend a meeting, guess what they're going to say? 25 seconds. Well, I forgot about it. Can you give me the 25 seconds? You're responsible for it. I forgot that I was supposed to show up to work two hours early. Tough. You're getting a write-up for it. Learn to take personal responsibility. Young ladies, young men, learn to take personal responsibility now. If you didn't do it right, you know what? I was wrong. I'll get that corrected next time. That's personal responsibility. Learn to work. This is preparation for life. Learn, ladies, to be keeper of the home. That's a biblical term for a lady. That means you ought to know how to Cook meals. I can't tell you how many times in counseling I deal with a lady that doesn't know how to cook. And I'm thinking to myself, you know, you don't have to be the cook of the county, but my soul, you ought to be able to make a hamburger. You ought to learn how to clean. You ought to learn how to do laundry. You ought to learn how to sew. You ought to learn how to care for babies. You ought to learn financial management. You ought to have a checking account. Parents? Well, I'm just scared. When are they going to learn this thing if they don't learn it under your roof? Give them a checking account. Teach them how to balance the checking account. Teach them how to manage money and save money. It's life. They're going to have to do that. Pay bills. House maintenance. Personal devotions. Learn these things. Learn biblical love. Learn how to resolve conflicts. The number one reason I counsel is because people don't know how to resolve conflicts. It's the number one problem in marriages. They don't know how to resolve when there's a disagreement. Learn that. Talk to me about that. I'll sit down with you and talk to you about it. Personal appearance. Learn how to take care of yourself. Personal hygiene. Deodorant, guys. It's not hard stuff, but it's necessary stuff. You know what? No woman wants to be around a slob. And if you do, girls, I don't know why. Don't be a slob. Look sharp. Keep your hair trimmed sharp. have something to you that when somebody looks at you, there's something about that individual. Step number six, the right relationship with the Spirit. I can't spend time on it, but your relationship with the Spirit will ultimately affect how you handle this important decision. If you're not in tune with the Spirit, you'll have no temperance. Temperance is self-control. That means you'll be on the path of the devil when it comes to this decision. Lastly, a commitment for life. That's God's plan. A commitment for life in marriage. And you can write down a couple of references there, Genesis 2.24 and Romans 7.2 and 3. Young people, there are two staircases to marriage. Watch this. You can't straddle the fence. That's what I want. I want God's staircase. And you know what? Your wedding day will be a beautiful thing if you follow that. You get the right one for life, boy, it's a wonderful thing. Get her the right way, get him the right way. Girls, you're the responder. You're not the initiator. You're not going to flirt with a guy to get his attention. You're not going to dress in a way so that you can get his attention. God made you to be the responder. The Bible says a man who findeth a wife, findeth a good thing. It didn't say a wife who findeth a man. Findeth a good thing. You pray. And then you have the opportunity to get to know somebody or talk to your father. And you're enjoying time with them. Give me a cake, Bailey. Hey, thank you for your life. I had a very good time. Nothing wrong with it. You're a responder. Guy, you're the initiator. My soul for the girl has to come and basically lure you to her. She asks, can we go out together? I don't know what that marriage is going to look like 10 years down the road. Try to share my heart. Try to be practical. Try to be profitable. If you'd like to talk to me more about it, or you want to talk to somebody about it, do so. It's okay to talk to somebody about it. Don't talk to your friends. I got to talk to you about somebody I like. What do you think of him? That's probably not going to go a good direction. And watch this. They're not going to have very good advice. Get advice from somebody that's been down the road. Somebody that's godly, somebody that you look up to. God bless you.