The following sermon is brought to you by Capitol Community Church, located in Raleigh, North Carolina. Capitol Community Church is a people awakened to a holy God. If you are searching for a new church home, or from out of town looking for a church to worship with, or simply seeking for answers. Please join us for worship at 1045 a.m. every Sunday morning and six o'clock p.m. for our evening service. If you have any questions, please email us at info at CapitalCommunityChurch.com. We pray this sermon will help you grow deeper in your walk with Jesus Christ. I want to invite you to open your Bibles to Ephesians chapter five. Ephesians chapter five, we are continuing our study on God's design for the family. If you're new at Capitol, we're doing something unique this month that we've never done before. We're calling it Family Month, and we're taking a whole month aside to focus specifically on the family. We're looking at what God says about the family, not what the world says about the family. So this morning what I want to do is I want to walk you through one of the most pivotal and transformative passages that regards marriage. And before we do that, though, I want you to see several things. It might be obvious to some of you that have been a Christian for a long time, but for others, maybe this is new, but one of the things that I want you to see is that Christianity impacts all of life. Christianity impacts all of life. What I mean by that is you start the Christian life by trusting in the Lord Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, You believe the gospel. You're saved not by works, right? You're saved by grace, through faith alone in the Lord Jesus Christ, and maybe somebody brought that message to you at some point in your life, and maybe you saw it on a track, whatever it was, and you heard the good news, you trusted in the Lord Jesus Christ, you believed, and you became a Christian. And then you found out that at that moment, the Christian life really begins, that that's just the beginning. You remember a Christian in Pilgrim's Progress, he goes through the Wicked Gate, that's where the evangelist told him to go, he goes through the Wicked Gate, and then all of a sudden, after he goes through, which represents the gospel, he finds that there's a whole road in front of him to walk. And as you walk down that road, what you realize is that Christianity touches every aspect of your life. Christianity touches every aspect of your life. I was down in Texas when Hurricane Harvey happened. I was thinking about it with Ian, but after Harvey happened, what happened in Houston is the bayous flooded, and the water went into everybody's homes. I'm sure many of y'all saw this. The homes were flooded underwater, and our church from Dallas sent teams down to go down to Houston, and we did what's called muck out the houses. That's because what happened is that water that rose from the hurricane touched everything in those homes. and that water was toxic, and everything it touched was essentially ruined by the hurricane. You just had to get rid of it. Every single thing, it didn't matter how valuable it was, expensive paintings. We went and mucked out this family. They were families of the king of Iran, and they had come over. They owned priceless objects that had been touched by this water, and it was all ruined. Well, in the opposite effect, Christianity is like that. It touches everything. You find that it touches all of life. Abraham Kuyper said, every square inch, Jesus Christ, who is Lord, declares mine. Jesus declares every aspect of your life is His. John Frame, a theologian, says God's Lordship confronts and opposes autonomy from the outset. It demands our recognition that all things belong to Him and are subject to His control and authority. And what we find is that marriage is one of those things. that you might have entered into a marriage at some point as an unbeliever, and then maybe you become a Christian, or your wife becomes a Christian, or both of you becomes Christians, and you realize that even your marriage is to be submitted under the Lordship of Christ. That's how Christianity works. God demands everything. Look at verse 22 of Ephesians chapter five. Wives, submit to your own husbands. That's almost a naughty word, isn't it? But then look what he says, the last clause of verse 22 is what? As to the Lord. In other words, this relates to your Christianity, to the Lordship of Christ. You're to submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. Look at verse 25. Husbands, love your wives. This is an imperative. as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. So those are instructions, those are acts of obedience that are brought underneath the lordship of Christ. Another thing that we learn about Christianity, really from the very beginning, is that Christianity teaches us that there is a transcendent meaning to things that we once thought we understood. Christianity teaches us that there is a transcendent meaning to things that we once thought that we understood. When you become a Christian, you understand that life is to be lived for the glory of God. That was something before you were a believer, you were just living for yourself. You were out chasing the world, keeping up with the Joneses. You become a believer and now all of a sudden, what does God demand of your life? that you honor Him. The same is true of marriage. God reveals that there is a mystery with marriage, that marriage symbolizes something that not even this world understands. Not even this world understands that there is a secret to marriage all the way from the beginning. Look at verse 32. Look at verse 32. Paul says, this is a mystery. You know what a mystery is? In the Bible, a mystery is something that was not revealed in the past, but is disclosed now. So, throughout the 5,000 previous years of human history, people didn't know this mystery, but now this mystery is revealed. People still don't know this mystery. Most people that are married don't know that their marriage is pointing to a greater reality, but this is the mystery. Paul says, this mystery is profound. staggering. And I am saying that it refers to Christ in the church. That marriage from the very beginning God's plan was that it would represent the relationship that Christ has to the church. That is an extraordinary truth, that Christ is the head and we as the church are his body and that our marriages are designed to picture this relationship. So this morning what I want to do is I want to take you down to the depths. I wanna show you what marriage really is. I'm calling this message transcendent marriage because when you go down to the depths and you see what Paul teaches, what's gonna happen is it's gonna take you up. and your marriage will never be the same. You will never look at marriage in the same way after you understand what Paul's going to say in this text right here in Ephesians chapter 5. So Ephesians, you should all study the book of Ephesians. Every Christian should study the book of Ephesians. Let me give you the context very briefly. Chapters 1 through 3 are the doctrinal portion. That's where Paul unpacks salvation by grace alone. What's the famous verse in Ephesians 2, 8? For by grace you have been saved through faith, and it is not of yourselves. It is the gift of God, not of work, so that no one can boast. So Paul unpacks salvation by grace alone, through faith alone. Then in chapter four, if you look at chapter four, Paul begins, this is the application section. Chapters four through six are the application of the Christian life. How do you live the Christian life once you're a believer? Paul says, verse one, I urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you've been called. Is this to earn your salvation? No, it is lived out of thankfulness to Christ for what he's done for you. But as we've seen, salvation touches every aspect of our life. Every aspect is touched by the lordship of Christ. So we come to this section in chapter five regarding marriage, regarding marriage. And it breaks down like this. In verses 22 to 24, you are going to see the wife's role. In verses 25 to 30, you are going to see the husband's role. And then verses 31 to 33 is Paul's final application. So let's begin where Paul begins in verse 22 with the wife's role. Look at verse 22. Paul says, wives, submit to your own husbands, that's a key word, own husbands, as to the Lord. This is an imperative, this is a command. Wives, God gives this command to you to submit to your own husband. The word is hupotasso. That's a compound word. You see the prefix in front of it is HUPO. It's H-U-P-O-T-A-S-S-O, transliterated into English. HUPO means under. TOSSO means set. It literally means to set under. The definition is to cause, to be in a submissive relationship, to submit, to subject, to subordinate. Now, what's interesting? The verb, hupotasso, is not found in verse 22. It's implied. It's implied. It's found in verse 21. Look up at verse 21. Paul says, this is a general reference to everyone in the church. He says, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. That word right there in verse 21 is hupotasso, and it's implied in verse 22. What people have done, as you can imagine in this age, this is an age fraught by feminism, and people trying to conform the church to the world, family roles to the world, what people have said is this, okay, really what Paul is saying is that husbands are to submit to wives just as wives are to submit to husbands, because after all, there's a general instruction given in verse 21 regarding submitting to one another, and of course, we all are to put each other's interests ahead of our own. But let me explain why, in terms of the context, that's not what Paul is saying. Okay, so Paul is laying out a general principle in verse 21 about submission in the life of the church. Now what Paul's going to do from chapter 5, verse 22, all the way down, to chapter six, verse nine, is apply that principle. And he's going to apply it to specific groups. So pay attention, stay with me here. So, Paul's saying, okay, we're all to submit to one another. Now, speaking of submission, let's talk about marriage. Now, if you're going to address husbands, wives, who would you normally address first? husband first, right? It's Mr. and Mrs. Who does Paul address first? He addresses the wife first. Why? Because he's speaking specifically about submission. Then, verse 25, then he's going to address the husbands. Now, scroll down to chapter 6, verse 1. Let's talk about Family dynamics, parents and their children. If you're going to talk to parents and their children, who do you address first? Normally, you address the parents first. But Paul addresses the children first. Why? Because he's speaking about submission. Look at verse 1 of chapter 6. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Are parents supposed to obey their children? No, they are not. No, they're not. Then, look, verse four is when parents are addressed. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Now let's talk about relationships in the workplace. Let's talk about relationships in the workplace. If you're going to address a company, who do you address first? Normally you address the CEO, right? You address the president, and then you address the people in the company, because you wanna address the leadership. But what Paul's doing is, again, remember, he's talking about submission. Look at verse 5, chapter 6. He says, bond servants, doulos, obey your earthly masters with fear and trembling, with a sincere heart as you would Christ. And then in verse 9, he's going to address masters about how they're to treat their servants. So what Paul is talking about In this specific context, in terms of the husband and the wife, is the wife's specific task of submitting to her own husband. Elizabeth Elliot once said, why should a wife submit to a husband rather than the reverse? Are we not equal? She says this, no, not equal in the sense of interchangeable. The heart of the matter is a mystery, the mystery of Christ in the church. She says, try reading Ephesians 5, 22 to 24, reversing the nouns. It's nonsense. God arranged husbands and wives in different positions, each representing a tremendous verity. The husband represents Christ. The wife represents the church, his bride. This is a divine assignment. not chosen, earned, or deserved by either husband or wife, not conferred by either on the other. Did you get that? You don't get to choose this. This is by the nature of the fact that you are a husband or a wife. It's not deserved by either husband or wife, not conferred by either on the other, but designed by God himself. She says, quote, I am thankful for this arrangement because I know it is revelation of divine wisdom and love given for our freedom and peace. It's revelation of divine wisdom, of this mystery of Christ in the church. Well, what's to motivate a wife to do this? What's to motivate a wife to do this? Look there at the end of verse 22. What motivates the wife to do this is that she is doing it as unto the Lord. Isn't that remarkable? Isn't that profound? This is a matter of her obedience to Christ. And what that means is it doesn't matter how worthy her husband is of submission. She is to submit to her wife as unto the Lord. Paul says in Colossians 3 23, this is regardless of any situation you're in. He says, whatever you do work heartily as for the Lord and not for men. So ladies, listen, ultimately your submission to your husband is not ultimately for him. It's not ultimately for him. It's as to the Lord. It's about your vertical relationship to God. that you, your husband might be a terrible leader of your home, and surely you shouldn't follow him if he's telling you to do something that disobeys Christ. But as much as you can, your submission to him is a picture of how the church submits to the Lord Jesus Christ. I want you to turn over to the right to the book of 1 Peter. 1 Peter chapter three. 1 Peter chapter three. I'm just gonna read you. Two verses, beginning in verse one. Look what Peter says. This is in a situation, ladies, if your husband is an unbeliever. Say that you become a believer. You're married to an unbeliever. What do you do? Do you submit then? Look what Paul says. Likewise, wives, be subject. Same Greek word, hupotasso, same Greek word that Paul uses. Be subject to your own husbands. so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives. So God could use you in your respect and submission to your own husband to win over your husband to the Lord. And he says, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Flip back to Ephesians. chapter 5. Listen, in terms of redemption, this is what Christianity teaches. Christianity says we're all equal. In the kingdom of God, men and women are equal. No one is higher in the kingdom based on their gender. Paul says in Galatians 3.28, there is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male or female, for you are all one in Jesus Christ. So we're not talking about equal worth. That's not what we're talking about. We're talking about different roles. Does that make sense? Different roles. I want to show you this. I want you to turn again to 1 Corinthians. Keep turning to the left. 1 Corinthians chapter 11. This is a really important verse to understand because Paul's going to flesh out more of what these different roles mean. 1 Corinthians chapter 11, verse 3. Paul says, but I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ. So every man is supposed to submit to the Lord Jesus Christ. He's not autonomous. No person is autonomous. Every person has a responsibility to submit to Christ. Every man does. Now look what he says. The head of a wife is her husband. We've seen that. And then look at the last statement. Look at this last statement, and the head of Christ is God, God the Father. Isn't that remarkable? It's talking about Jesus and His humanity. As He took on our flesh, what Jesus did every minute that He was alive is He submitted to the will of God the Father. every minute that he was alive. Do you remember when he was with the disciples, after he'd finished talking to the woman at the well, and she went away, and his disciples came to him, they were hungry, it was about dinner time, and they said, we're gonna go into the village, and we're gonna get some food, and they said, Jesus, do you want us to get you some food? And Jesus says, I've got food that you don't know about. And they said, what's your food? And Jesus says, my food is to do the will of the Father who sent me. That's my food. Jesus in His humanity submitted to the Father's will. Now, let me ask you a question. Is Jesus God? Yes, He is. He's the second person of the Trinity. Is the Lord Jesus Christ in His humanity equal with God? Yes, He is. But in this role as our Messiah, He submitted Himself to the leadership of the Father, carrying out the Father's will. And that's really a picture and example, as Paul lines out, of how we are all under submission. the husband under the submission of the Lord Jesus Christ, the wife under the submission of the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the context of the family, coming under the leadership of her husband. I want you to turn now back to Ephesians. Turn back to the right to Ephesians chapter 5. Now, what reason does God give for this submission? Why? Why, wives, are you to submit to your husbands? Look at the reason Paul gives in verse 23. He says, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. So this is so profound and so remarkable what Paul reveals here. He says, look, this represents, this submission represents Christ's relationship to his church, his body. Now what he means here is he's not talking about just the local church, Capital Community Church. He's not talking about local churches. He's talking about by the church, every single person, who has ever actually been saved. He's talking about the people that Jesus saved when he died on the cross. That's what sometimes we call the universal church or the global church. That's what he's talking about. That is the church, the bride of Christ. And Paul introduces this idea that the wife's submission to her own husband represents Christ's headship over the church. There's an organic unity to this picture. You see this. There's a picture of oneness. A body cannot function without a head. and a head cannot function without a body. They are joined together. And so Christ is forever joined to the church. We are united to him in faith and have become one with him. And Paul says that the marriage relationship is like this. The husband is the head of the wife in a similar way that Christ is the head of the church, that the husband has become one flesh with his wife. They are one body and one head. That word head, I want you to look, underline or circle that word head. The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, is the Greek word kephele, K-E-P-H-E-L-E, kephele. Now, there has been ink and blood spilled over that word, because people are trying—and really, I would say the majority of evangelicalism is pushing this way and saying that there's no distinction in role between the husband and wife. And to do that, you have to redefine the meaning of that word kephalé. And the way that people have redefined it, and they said it doesn't mean head. What it means is, is the word source. It means source. Now, there are two possible two possible out of thousands of uses throughout the history of the Greek language, where this word kephalē has been used as the word source. But listen, almost every time it's, or one of those times it's in reference to a river, like the source, the headwaters of a river, and another time it's talking about Zeus giving forth offspring from his body, kind of a weird old poem. But here's how, if you look up the word in the Greek lexicon, in Bower's lexicon. I went back this week, looked it up. Guess what? Source isn't even mentioned in the lexical possibilities of the Word. It's not even mentioned. And here's why. Wayne Grudem, who's done a ton of research on this study, I used to work for Wayne when I was the executive director of the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. He went and he looked up personally every usage of this Greek word from the time of Homer to the time of the early church fathers. He looked at 2,300 uses of this word. 2,300. Now, normally what it means is this. Normally it means kephale in terms of your head, your literal head. That's the first lexical definition, the part of the body that contains the brain, the head. But what he also found is, listen, every time it refers to a person in the singular and somebody is called a head, every single time it means a person in authority. Every single time. Let me just show you a couple of these examples. So the part of the body that contains the brain, the head, you'll see this word kephalé used, for example, in Matthew 5, 36, where Jesus says, and do not take an oath by your head, by your kephalé, for you cannot make one hair, white or black." So it literally just refers to this, your noggin. Matthew 6, 17, but when you fast, anoint your head. Matthew 8, 20, and Jesus said to him, foxes have holes, birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head, his kephele. Now, in terms of a position of authority. We understand how this word is used. You even, what do you call the head of the table? That's the place where somebody sits in authority. You go to a big corporation that's publicly traded, you go into their big conference room, who sits at the head of the table? CEO. You don't go sit where the CEO sits. That's the place of authority. Now, the way that Kephalé is used like this in the New Testament, there's two other examples. One is in Ephesians 1.22. So in this book, Paul says, he put all things, talking about Christ, under his feet and gave him as head, Kephalé, over all things to the church. Colossians 2.10. Paul says, and you've been filled in him who is the head, notice this language of authority, of all rule and authority. The Lord Jesus Christ is the head of all rule and authority. And really, there's no debating the use of this word. There's really, it's so crystal clear. It's so obvious. It's just, it's a demonstratable fact. I remember one time I was in a room where Wayne Grudem was doing a presentation on this, and he was walking through just hundreds of instances of this Greek word, kephale, as it's been used in Greek literature, all the way back. And all these feminist scholars, progressive scholars, the room was filled with them. It was Wayne Grudem against 100. And they were all shouting, literally, people were angry. and say, no, this word could be used this way, this word could be used this way, it means source here. And he would always say, singular and to a person, it means authority. And he showed it to them every single time. You've never seen so many PhDs with their mouths just agape, just stunned. It was the biggest rhetorical victory I've ever seen in a debate. the biggest rhetorical victory, because it's so clear what this word actually means, that you can't, you can't confuse it. So, clearly what Paul is saying is that the wife, though equal with her husband in redemption, holds a rank of submission to her husband, who is the head of the family, and this reflects Christ, or the church's submission to Christ. So let me ask you a question, are we as the church under the lordship of Jesus Christ? Yes, we are. We are under the lordship of Jesus Christ. And so the wife is to be under the headship of her own husband. And that's the application. Look at verse 24. Now, as the church submits to Christ, which we do, Paul says, so also wives should submit in everything to their own husbands. So just a couple things to note here. First, notice that it is the wife's responsibility to submit. It is not the husband's responsibility to make his wife submit. Now, I will also say this, no marriage can survive a wife challenging her husband to be the head. You can't survive that. If you have two heads, you're a monster. If you have no head, you're dead. To be alive, there has to be one head. So wives, it's your job, this is your job, this isn't your husband's job, it's your job to submit to your own husband. It doesn't matter how great a leader your husband is. He could be George Washington, he could be Tom Brady, but if you won't follow him, you're going nowhere as a family because it's your responsibility before Christ to submit. Another thing to notice, that this submission is only to your own husband. This is not submission to all men. This is not submission to all men. it's submission to your own husband. I have an Anglican pastor friend in New York, his name's Matt Kennedy. He said, quote, you should no more submit to another man besides your husband than the church should submit to some other Lord besides Jesus, end quote. Church has one Lord. Ladies, you have one husband. That is your head, and what God does is He gives you that husband, gives you that headship, not so that He can domineer over you, listen very carefully here, but so that He can protect you, that He can be shade for you. And what feminists have told women, this is what feminists have told women, they said, you don't need to submit to your own husband. In fact, you should go into the workplace and submit to other men who are gonna be tyrannical bosses over you. That's what they've said. They said it's fine to go submit to other men, but you shouldn't submit to your own husband. Well listen, your husband's headship is there to protect you. Your husband's there to protect you from the tyrannical leadership of other men. So men, that's your job. You are to protect your wives. Other men aren't to boss them around. You are to be their shade. And the other thing I want you to see is that this submission is not a doormat. This submission is not a doormat. Remember that the wife is given to Adam, we looked at last week, is called Adam's helper, his izer. She is to be his help. Every strong man needs a strong woman to stand by him. Your calling is to help your husband in his calling, to give him advice, to comfort him when he's disappointed, when needed, to point out weaknesses. And as much as you can, Paul says, in everything, you are to follow him under Christ. That is your responsibility under the Lordship of Christ, and it ultimately is for the honor of God. So that is the woman's role there through verse 25, and then, Paul's going to pick up in verse 25 with the husband's role, the husband's role. Look at verse 25. And you thought that the woman's role was hard, the husband's role is even more difficult. Look at what he says, he says, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. This is, Paul is just getting into the depths of true Christianity. It's just so profound to see this comparison and this calling that he's giving to men, that men are to love their wives. as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." That is a tall order, isn't it? To love your wife as Christ loved the church. What type of love is this? Well, we're given several hints about this type of love, what this love is, and the first hint that we're given is in the Greek word itself. In the Greek language, are three words for love. Three words for love. The first one is not even found in the New Testament, and that is eros. And that is a sensual love, a romantic love. Remember Bambi, when they're twitterpated? That's eros. It's that romantic feeling, it's the butterflies in your stomach. That's eros. The next word is philia, and philia means a brotherly love or affection. You hear Philadelphia, it's the city of what? Brotherly love. It's a word that means a love of companionship. Think Rocky and Apollo Creed, okay? Think David and Jonathan. It's a brotherly love. And then you have what is termed for the love of God. the love that God has for us, and the love that we are to have for God. And that love is agape love, agape love. It is an unconditional love. It is the highest form of love. And that's the word that Paul uses here to describe the husband's love for his wife. It is an agape love, agapao. And the classic use of these two words is found in John 21, you don't need to turn there, but in John 21, after Peter has sinned, you remember Peter denied the Lord, how many times? Three times, and so the Lord is going to restore Peter in John 21 by asking him three times if he loves him. He says in verse 15, he says, Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these? And the words that Jesus uses there is agapayo. He says, do you love me, Peter? more than the other disciples do, because you're supposed to be the leader. Do you love me the most? Do you love me? Are you committed to me the most? Do you have this unconditional love for me, Peter? And Peter says, yes, Lord, you know that I phileo you. He doesn't use the same word. He says, you know that I have this affection for you. And Jesus said to him, feed my lambs. And then Jesus said to him a second time, Simon, son of John, do you love me? And he said to him, yes, Lord. You know that I phileo you. You know that I have this affection for you. And Jesus said to him, tend my sheep. And then Jesus, in the third instance, he asked him a third time, but this time Jesus drops it down from agapao to phileo. He said to him the third time, Simon, son of John, do you love me? Do you phileo me? And Peter was grieved. Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time, do you love me? And he said to him, he said to Jesus, Lord, you know everything, you know that I, Agapa'ou that I love you with that highest degree of love, this unconditional love. And then Jesus said to him, then Peter, feed my sheep. For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son. That's Agapa'ou love. Now, I want to be clear. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't have Eros and philia love, okay? Marriage is not just agape love. There also needs to be that attraction, that romance in the marriage. There also needs to be that kindredship, that companionship, that you consider your husband and wife, husband or wife, your best friend, that y'all are friends together and you love your spouse that way, but what Paul's calling the husband to do here is the deepest form of love. He's saying you are to love your wife with this sacrificial love in which God loves his children. We're also given a hint by what this love means by Paul's description of it. He says, you are to love your wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. So this love is a sacrificial love that serves the church to the extent that Christ laid down his life for her. Jesus laid down his life. It wasn't just taken from him. Jesus laid it down over and over in the Gospels. He said, I am going to Jerusalem to lay down my life for sinners. And Jesus demonstrated this love by serving us by laying down his life. That's what he did. If you are a believer, Jesus laid down his life for you. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends, John 15, 13. Why did Jesus do this? Look at verse 26. Look at verse 26. That He might sanctify her. having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. Now this is a very fascinating statement. This is a deep statement. This is a remarkable statement. You know, what you expect to read here, because he's talking about the atonement, right? He's talking about Jesus giving himself up on the cross. What you expect to see is a reference to the blood of Christ, the blood that was spilled for us. But what Paul is referencing here is he's referencing what is sometimes called the new birth, which was prophesied in the old covenant. Ezekiel said in Ezekiel 36, 25, I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleanness and from all your idols. I will cleanse you, Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6, 11, but you were washed, you were sanctified. This is a picture of the cleansing of your soul that happens when you're born again. that your soul is cleansed on the inside of all of your sins. It's clean, you're clean, that God sees you as pure. And this is what our world is trying to get. Our world is trying to find some way to deal with their past, their guilt, their condemnation, their sin. There's a country singer in Texas named Cody Canada. He said, this is from one of his songs, he said, memories, they're overrated. All they do is get you down and frustrated, and who needs that on their back? He says, starting over, cold turkey, washing your soul of everything that's dirty, seal your heart of every crack. Here's the problem, you can't wash your own soul. you're gonna come up with people and they're trying to deal with their past, you can't wash your own soul. You can't do it. No amount of counseling or psychoanalysts, psychotherapy is gonna do that. The only way to purify your soul is to be born again. is to be washed with the cleansing water that Christ brings in the new birth. And this is why Jesus told Nicodemus in John 3, 5, he says, truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water in the spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of heaven. you have to have this new birth. And Peter says in 1 Peter 1.23 that this new birth, how does this happen in your life? It's brought about by the word of God. He says 1 Peter 1.23, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable through the living and abiding word of God. And Christ bought this for you on the cross. When Jesus was dying on the cross, he was, purchasing the grace that was necessary to give you the new birth, to cleanse your heart, to cleanse your soul. That's what He was doing when He was on the cross, and this is the ultimate purpose. Look at verse 27. Why does Jesus do this? Why does He bring about the new birth in our life which He purchased on the cross? so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish. What's interesting here is that Paul switches the metaphor. So Paul has been using the body head metaphor. And here he's referencing the picture of a bride and a bridegroom. Christ died, Paul's saying, to purchase for himself a bride. When you go to a wedding, what's the most interesting dynamic part of the wedding? That's when the bride comes down the aisle. What happens? Everybody stands up. Everybody stands up, turns towards the back, and you see that bride come around the corner in her father's arm, and they stand right there. And what happens is, is the father and that bride slowly walk down the aisle, stop right here, and the officiant will ask, who gives this woman to be married to this man? And he will say, her mother and I do, and then he'll take that groom's arm and come over, and what he'll do is he'll present that bride to that groom, and he'll put their arms together, and then he'll sit down, and now that bride is presented to her groom. Look at this picture here. Look what Paul says that Jesus does. Jesus is both the presenter and the bridegroom. Jesus is the one who purifies us. He says that he presents the church in splendor, without spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. That's what Christ does, and he presents the bride to himself, that we might be his church, his bride, wholly set apart and dedicated to him. Here's the application for the husband. Look at verse 28. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. Now he switches back to the body metaphor. He who loves his wife loves himself. So husbands are to love their wives in this way, this sacrificial way. Now, you can only take this metaphor so far. Husbands, you don't die for your wife to cleanse her and sanctify her and wash her with the water of the Word. That's what Jesus does. But all of that, that responsibility of this picture of Christ serving His bride is the husband's responsibility. It's the husband's responsibility to love in this way, this sacrificial way. So yes, the husband is the head, the husband is the leader, but it is not a domineering leadership, it's a sacrificial leadership. It's assertive, but it asserts in a loving, sacrificial way. I was once doing a men's conference in the Dominican Republic to 5,000 men. 5,000 men, just huge auditorium, massive auditorium. And I was doing it with a friend of mine named Gavin Peacock. Gavin played Premier League soccer for Chelsea. And we were doing this conference together, and we were doing a Q&A with all the men so they could ask any question. And somebody from the audience asked Gavin this question. I was so thankful that I didn't get it. They asked, they said, okay, you've been talking about headship and submission and all this stuff. They asked Gavin, they said, what if you are trying to lead in a loving, sacrificial way, but your wife won't submit to your leadership? what do you do then? I was like, man, what do you do then? And I was looking at him, how is he gonna answer this question? And I'll never forget what he said. I'll never forget what he said. He said, you do the same thing Christ did. Grabbed a towel and a basin and washed his disciples' feet. And you keep serving your wife. and loving her unconditionally. You model Christ's likeness in agape love. And that right there, that's the secret of marriage. That's it. It's this sacrificial love, this love for your bride that cares for her. Look at verse 29. No one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. This is the care and the nurture that a husband is to provide. You care for your body, right? If you're walking on a trail and you have blisters, you stop and you put a Band-Aid on it. If you twist your ankle, you elevate it, you ice it. You put pressure on it, if you're dehydrated, you get water, you care for your own body, so the husband is to care for his bride, just as Christ loves and cares for the church. Okay, so that's the husband's role. And last, and this is so important that you get this, the final application, the final application. Look at verse 31. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh. This is the conclusion. What Paul is saying is, is this whole thing, this whole idea of marriage through the centuries, through the millennia, all of it comes down to this mystery of Christ's relationship to the church. This was God's idea from the very beginning. That means this, that means that the wife's submission to her own husband and the husband's sacrificial love for his wife is the deepest element of marriage. The deepest element of marriage, because it points to this mystery of Christ in the church. That's verse 32. This mystery is profound, and I'm saying that it refers to Christ in the church. And this is why Christian marriages should be different, is that we have the extra gear. We have the extra gear. The world, here's what the world understands. They understand Eros and they understand philia love. Okay, I've got a romantic desire for this person, I like this person, so I'm gonna get married to this person. What the world doesn't understand is the world doesn't understand the deepest level of what Paul has said, the transcendence. They don't understand the submission and the agape love. They don't get it. That's why we have this extra gear. That's why we have the key to joy in marriage, that we know what this is supposed to picture, that this picture's the mystery of Christ in the church. And so we have this glorious responsibility of living these roles out, of loving headship and willing submission to that headship in the life of our marriages. And we said last week that when you do that, your marriage is going to be a beacon, a lighthouse in this world. You think you're going to stand out? A husband opening the door for his wife when she gets in the car? A husband serving his wife, cherishing her? Absolutely. A wife respecting her own husband? Absolutely. That is going to stand out. And when people ask you, why do you do this? Why do you treat her like this? Why do you treat him like this? you can say, wow, let me tell you why we do this. Because it points to Christ's relationship with his church. It points to the gospel itself. Final application is in verse 33. Paul says, however, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. This is really fascinating to me. Don't tune out on the last verse. Don't tune out on the last verse. Notice that Paul gives different commands to the husband and the wife. Now, should the wife love her husband? Yes. Should a husband respect his wife? Yes, they should. But that's not what Paul says. Paul says, let the husband love his wife as himself. Let the wife see that she respects her husband. God knew when He designed us for these roles that men and women in a marriage need different things, primarily. What a man needs primarily is respect. honor. What a woman needs primarily is love, to be cherished. God gives this command to the husband, to the wife, you are to agapao your wife, you are to love her, you are to cherish her, you are to dote on her, you are to lay your life down for her. This is why women love flowers, they love jewelry, they love dresses, they love surprise vacations, they love to be cherished. That's what women like. What do men like? Men like to be respected. Around the children, they like their wives to praise them. Around other people, they love when their wives show honor and respect in those things, because that's what a man most appreciates. Obviously, a man wants to be loved as well, but he wants to be honored and respected. And we, because we're wired a certain way, it's easy for a man to begin to treat his wife like another man. I need to show honor and respect to her. Well, yeah, but you need to cherish her. And we as husbands need to remind ourselves of that. We need to treat her differently. We need to love her. And ladies, you need to remind yourself, look, you're not just to cherish and love your husband, you're to respect him and honor him. That's what he most needs. So, Paul points us here at the end, in light of our roles, to what we most need in terms of one another. Isn't this absolutely profound? This is so glorious. This is the depth of marriage. And it's all this glorious picture of Christ's relationship to his church. This is the mystery. And when you get this, when you get this, your marriage is going to begin to thrive. I know it sounds like, oh my goodness, how can I submit to him? How can I love her like Christ loved the church? This is such a tall order, but when you start to pray and say, God, help us to do this. Help me live this out. You know what God's going to do is he's going to honor that. He's going to honor your marriage, and you're going to thrive because you're doing marriage now God's way, and God is going to use your marriage to to bring other people into the kingdom as an example. It's a glorious thing. Let's go to the Lord now in prayer and ask Him for His help. Heavenly Father, Lord, we've discussed weighty things, these true realities of Christ's relationship to the church. And that marriage has been designed to picture this all along, the husband's loving leadership of his wife and the wife's joyful and willing submission to her own husband. And we pray, Lord, that we would, as Capitol Community Church and the families that make it up, that we would model these things, not begrudgingly, but as unto the Lord, that we desire to honor you, and we do these things because we love you, and we desire your name to be honored and glorified, and we pray that you would use us in our marriages as an example in this town, that they would be lights in a dark world, and we ask all these things in Christ's name, amen. Thanks for listening. For more sermons, information, and events, check out our website at capitolcommunitychurch.com.