Well, verse 4 of chapter 6 of Ephesians is about parenting. And parenting is of great importance to the kingdom of God. Last week, we saw how a family in God's economy is a unit that works together to fight the world, the flesh, and the devil for the glory of God. And in parenting, parents, Christian parents, are in the business of forming, forming the next generation. You know, in evangelicalism at large, there is often a sort of myopic focus on evangelism outside the church. That is the main thing. But biblically, as we read earlier from Deuteronomy, passing on the faith to the next generation is just as important as going out and evangelizing. Any way you cut it, parents will be a massive force for good or for ill in their children's lives. And so these things are really, really important. And yet, this is something that you parents can't do on your own. You can't make your children true worshipers of God through Jesus Christ. It must be His work through the Spirit. And therefore, we must remember, as we focus on parenting, that it's not primarily about us. It's not primarily about our children. But the focus, even in parenting, is primarily on our God through Jesus Christ. Now, I stand here as no expert in this. I am a minister of the Word, and I have God's Word before me. I've sought to gleam truth from older, wiser men and women on this, both in person and through books. my children are only three and one. And so receive what you're about to hear in that context. I pray that it will still be useful unto you, but receive it in that context. Finally, as I prayed a moment ago, there's something here for all of us. Of course, there's an obvious application for those who have children still at home. But also, if you're a grandparent, you have a vital role in helping your children as they parent your grandchildren, and also as you interact with your grandchildren. For everyone here, no matter what your situation is, you can pray for the children of this congregation. You can encourage parents in their work. We are a body. We are the family of God. We do this together. And so this instruction can help you too, no matter what your circumstances. My title tonight is Christ-Centered Parenting. Christ-Centered Parenting. And I have four points, some more brief than others. The first point is the goal of parenting. The goal of parenting. The second point is the means of parenting. The third point is the father's role. And the fourth point is the atmosphere of parenting. the goal of parenting, the means of parenting, the father's role, and the atmosphere of parenting. Whenever we go to do something, the goal that we have shapes everything. And that's true whether the goal is something that is explicit, and it's something we've set out to do, or something we just sort of fall into. whether in our parenting we are just trying to survive or not be too embarrassed, or whether we are intentionally shaping our children to be servants of God, in both cases, the goal shapes so much. But we, we are not to be those Christian parents who just fall into a goal. We are to be those who have the goal that Paul lays out here for us. We are to bring up our children in the training and admonition of the Lord. Or we are to nourish them, to feed them in these things, to provide for them in these things that they might grow in Christ. This word that is translated here, bring up, could be translated nourish. It's the same word that is used earlier in the passage when it says, for no one ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. We are to be nourishing our children in these things. And as we'll see later on in this sermon, in a sense, this instruction is particularly directed towards fathers, but it's meant for mothers too. Both parents are to bring up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. Training, the word that is underneath training, is a broad word, it covers all sorts of things. Admonition translates a word that is more verbally focused, focused on what is done verbally, particularly in rebuke. But together, they make up a package, a package which covers all of parenting. And the phrase of the Lord tells us that this package ought to be done in a distinctively Christian way. It ought to be reflective of parenting that is from Christ, for Christ, and is bringing your children to reflect Christ more and more. And go back to the word training. It's used in various other places in scripture, in Hebrews 12, verse 5, to denote more corrective discipline. And it's used in the word of God in 2 Corinthians 3, 16, to talk about training in righteousness, a broader concept, a more positive concept, in a sense. But think here of athletic training. It inquires instruction, right? If you're going to train athletically, you need to know what you're going to do and your trainer will tell you, give you instruction. But it also requires doing. It requires actually getting out and doing things and practicing what is being taught. Or better yet, think of this idea of training in terms of enculturation. And that actually was the initial connotation that this word would have had at the time. Enculturation is a child's gradual acquisition of the characteristics and norms of the culture or group that he was born into. And we should see this phrase, training and admonition of the Lord, as referring to a process by which our children embrace for themselves the culture of Christ. They internalize it. They internalize its beliefs, its norms, its rules, its ways of living on a deep psychological level. And they do this through development. So, think of parenting as socialization into Christ. And as we do this, We're aiming at their hearts. We're aiming at the hearts of our children, at the seat of who they are. We're aiming at their minds, their will, their conscience, their emotions. We're saying with Solomon, my son, give me your heart. My son, give me your heart. And when we think of parenting this way then, it opens up for us the goal. We are nourishing our children into the culture of Christ. I don't only mean that outwardly. It's much more than an information dump. It's much more than just them simply learning the catechism or learning good theology, as important as those things are. It's much more than them just saying and doing the right things. It's much more than them getting A stars or having winning personalities or good social skills, as again, as useful as those things can be. But the idea here is that Christian parenting ought to result in joyful, resilient Christians who embrace the faith wholeheartedly and have the savor of Christ about them. They look like Christ. They act like Christ. They react like Christ because they know Christ. Now, practically, what difference does that make if we have this as our goal in parenting? Well, when little Susie talks back, That issue is not primarily about the wrong that has been done to you as a parent. There is a wrong that's been done to you as a parent and your authority, and you need to deal with that. But primarily, that's about the heart of rebellion in her that needs to be dealt with. when little Johnny keeps trying to open things that he shouldn't, or knock over things that he shouldn't, because perhaps you've not properly child-proofed your house yet. It's not primarily that situation about your inconvenience or your failure to childproof. It's not something where you just say, oh, it's no big deal. I haven't childproofed things yet. No, that's an opportunity. That's an opportunity to teach himself control. When a teenager keeps pushing the limits It's not primarily about the limits, although parents need to enforce wise limits. But you don't want to primarily be parental police. It's about, do they understand the why behind these things? Have they bought into the why behind these things? And if so, why not? Are they equipped to fight their flesh in this regard? Are they going to the Word in this circumstance? Are they going to Christ by the Spirit as they battle against their sinful hearts and pushing against the limits of their parents? We want to not so much be parental police, but parental long-distance running coaches in our parenting. So your goal, your goal in parenting is joyful, resilient Christians who embrace the faith wholeheartedly and have the savor of Christ about them, your children, and live for the glory of God. And that makes a real difference in how we go about parenting. But my second point is more practical in the sense that it's talking about the means, the means of parenting. What do we do? But before I get into that, I simply want to remind us that this is the Spirit's work. If our goal is joyful, resilient Christians, we can't do that ourselves, as I said before. It's the work of the Spirit in the life of your child. But of course, that doesn't mean that you're just uninvolved. No, the Spirit works through means, just like He does in evangelism. It's the Spirit's work, it's Christ's work through the Spirit to bring people to saving faith. But we go out and we preach the gospel and we point to Christ. It's the same in pastoral care. As your ministers and elders work with you and seek to bring out the character of Christ in you, that's not something we can do, but it's something we do do through the means that God has given us, looking unto the Spirit. And so it is in parenting. It's the Spirit's work, but He works through means. We've already seen how the phrase training and admonition of the Lord points to the goal of parenting, but it also points to means. And four of the means that are implied here, I want to speak about tonight. They are communication, correction, imitation and prayer. And these means are applicable to children at all different ages. But of course, they will be applied differently according to the stage that your child is at. So in the early years, you're trying to establish your authority. As they grow, you're transitioning slowly over time to exerting godly influence over them. But each of these means will be throughout. Training, when it says training and admonition here, training requires communication, instruction, formal and informal. As we read about in Deuteronomy 6, And it also requires interaction, communication that's, again, not just an information dump, but interaction with your children. You know, years ago when I was an intern here and Bill was teaching me how to preach, I would preach a sermon, and then we would speak about it afterwards. And he would ask me to debrief myself, and then we would speak about these things, and things I didn't catch, he would speak to me about, and there would be an interaction about it. And those were some of the most useful things that I had in growing as a preacher. It's the same with our children. When you have a child, say, that's struggling with anger, ask them about why this feeling of anger overcomes them. Perhaps they don't know. Help them explore the reasons behind that. Give them tools to deal with it. Help them to learn self-control, to manage their thoughts. help them to see their need of repentance and of the forgiveness of Christ. And we could say the same things about peer pressure, anxiety, lying, all sorts of things. But these things require communication to work through. Communicate, communicate, communicate. Develop a relationship with your children that you might be able to communicate with them. Let them know in verbal and nonverbal ways that you will listen to them when they express themselves to you in respectful ways, when they share their heart in respectful ways. For younger children, ask them to repeat back what you're telling them. Play listening games with them. Teach them how to communicate. Communicate in specific times, like family worship or times you've set aside to spend with your children. Communication. But training and admonition also imply correction. Part of training is saying, no, you're doing it wrong. No, acting that way is inappropriate. And particularly when the one who's training is in an authoritative situation as you are as a parent, discipline is a part of training. Hebrews 12.10 says, of human fathers, for they indeed for a few days chastened us as seemed best to them, but he, God, for our profit, that we may be partakers of his holiness. It's a part of his sanctifying work in us and so, As you parents are working with your children, discipline is a part of your training of them. And admonition specifically has that connotation of rebuke. The Bible talks about this correction in terms of the rod and reproof. Proverbs 29, 15, the rod and rebuke give wisdom. and the rod physical discipline and reproof verbal. But both aim to recover the child. They're going away from the place of blessing. And it's designed to stop them, to reestablish your authority, to bring them back under, and ultimately to the place of blessing, to the place that is the place of God's ways. And this goes with communication. These things need to be explained so that your children don't just get the message, oh, I'm in trouble again. But they understand why this correction is happening. But correction is absolutely necessary. Your child is a sinner. They were born a rebel against God and left to themselves. They will only grow in their sin. They will only get more enmeshed in their sin. Whether that sin is obvious or not, correction is necessary. The word training also implies imitation, both your imitation of Christ and harnessing your child's imitation of you. And this is really key. Think of a master and an apprentice here. Like in the olden days, someone might go and apprentice with a master blacksmith and learn by living with them and by example. And there was teaching, but it was enmeshed in all of life. Think of your children as apprenticing to be adults. Looked at from a slightly different angle, you are both in the school of Christ. You are both God's children. They're in the primary school and you're in the secondary school, but you want them to look up to you, to imitate you as you imitate Christ. Just as the apostle Paul said to the Corinthians, imitate me just as I also imitate Christ. And that's what you want in your home. Because here's the thing, your children will be imitating you. They will be imitating you whether you like it or not. The question is not, will you be teaching them? Will you be training them as they imitate you? But rather, it's what will you be teaching them? What will you be training them in as they imitate you? Will it be good, bad, or ugly? And this is, of course, particularly true of the younger years, but it is also true more subtly of the teenage years, I think, and it can, I've seen, be very powerfully used in the teenage years if things are working as they should. When your children imitate you, are they learning to live under and for Christ? I'm not saying that you parents need to be perfect. One of the things we want our children to imitate is what it looks like to turn back to Christ in repentance, what it looks like to to go to him for forgiveness, what it looks like to deal with our sin, what it looks like to fight against it. But we want our children to be imitating us as we imitate Christ. And positively, if you can harness this, it will exponentially increase the teaching time you have with your children. Your life will be backing up what you're explicitly teaching your children. And children are great at spotting hypocrisy. You know, if a father goes into a situation and says to his children, just calm down, won't you? The child might calm down, and they should, because their father, who's their authority, has said that. But perhaps they're thinking in their mind, why? Dad obviously doesn't mind losing his cool. And sometimes we need to rebuke discipline and repent all at the same time unto our children. But if you harness this imitation, then your teaching won't just be a download of information, you'll be forming patterns in your children. And as you imitate Christ, you'll be gaining the expertise to pass on to them. This shifts the focus of parenting so that we see it as something that includes all of life. Finally, the fact that you are doing this to train them in the Lord requires prayer. You are teaching and emolishing them so that Christ would be formed in them. And again, that is only something that the spirit can do. So pray, pray every day for your children. Pray throughout the day for your children. Pray in particular situations that you're dealing with them. Pray together with them. Pray as spouses for your children. Pursue forming your children into joyful, resilient Christians with the savor of Christ by the means of communication, correction, imitation, and prayer. Much more briefly, this passage in my third point speaks of the role of fathers. And it's not denigrating mothers at all, but it says here, and you fathers do not provoke your children to wrath and bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord. And I think this is needed much today. Perhaps it's never before fathers are denigrated in our society. And perhaps as never before, fathers have abdicated their role. We have a epidemic of fatherlessness in our society. And perhaps also fathers are more likely to provoke their children to wrath. But fathers, this command, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord, is given specifically to you. You have a leadership role here. Ultimately, it is your responsibility to nurture your children in the culture of Christ. So take initiative in these things. Plan. Oversee the training of your children. Be involved in the teaching, the discipline, the admonition of your children. Do that specifically through family worship, but throughout the life of your family. And of course, like I said, this doesn't exclude wives and mothers at all. You are to be at your husband's side to help, to offer counsel, and you will be around the children most of the time, so you'll be implementing a lot of these things. But it is particularly the role of the father to take the leadership in the nurture of his children, in the training and admonition of the Lord, and for you together to do these things. It's also the role of the father to not provoke or to exasperate his children. More about that in the next point. But specifically to fathers, we as men can be more commanding, less emotionally sensitive, more focused on mission, our child as a building project, rather than the relationship with our child and nurturing them. And all these things are good. God has made us to command. He's made us tough. He's made us to be mission focused. And these are gifts from God that God uses wonderfully. But we're sinners too. And these things can become unbalanced in a way that we exasperate our children. So fathers, take your role seriously. Let's not abdicate. Let's not bow to society's denigration of fathers. Let's stand strong. Let's lead and not provoke our children. Our children need us. They need us to lead them to Christ. My fourth point is the atmosphere of parenting. And in this point, I'm picking up on the words, do not provoke your children to wrath, or do not exasperate them, or do not embitter them, would be other ways to translate this. It's particularly to fathers, but it's also to fathers and mothers. The main thrust of this is that it's possible to interact with your children in such a way that stirs up in them exasperation, frustration, bitterness, anger. It's not right in them. It's not to justify that bitterness in them, but we are not to give them opportunity to feel that way. We are to do all that's in our power to not give them that opportunity. And often this has to do not so much with what we do, but how we do it. Sometimes parents that come across biblical understanding of parenting almost have a cage stage in which they go at these things in unhelpful ways. But we can be those who are unreasonable. We can frustrate our children by being unreasonable with them. I remember my mother saying that she had to learn when me and my siblings were young that when we spilled milk all over the floor, it wasn't always because we had a rebellious heart. Sometimes we were just young and inexperienced. We can frustrate our children by our own hypocrisy, like we've seen before, or lack of self-control. We can frustrate our children by micromanagement, particularly as they get older. We can exasperate our children by harshness, especially when a child feels personally condemned in our action or tone or manner. We can frustrate or exasperate our children in the way we discipline them, when the focus becomes more on punishment rather than restoration, and when the goal seems to them condemnatory rather than restorative. So you command your child to clean their room. Well, set reasonable standards according to their age. Don't nag them about it constantly. Instead, model for them what it means to be tidy. Show them if they're at an age where they need that. Explain the importance of taking care of things, especially as they get older. allow them to organize things in their own particular way within reason, because your goal there is not just for them to do it exactly how you want, but to develop in them responsibility and praise them. You know, God is our Father. And he says this of how he deals with us in Zephaniah 3. The Lord our God in your midst, the mighty one will save. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will quiet you with his love. He will rejoice over you with singing. And that's in the context of God's discipline of his people and restoration. God's son Israel had been horribly disobedient and God had disciplined him. And that discipline was no joke. But the aim of the discipline was restoration. And God's saying here that he would restore. He would rejoice over his son. He would comfort him. He would sing over him and with him. And this is to be a pattern in how we deal with our children in a way that doesn't exasperate them. A lot of the ways that we can exasperate them are a bit intangible, not about specific actions, but about the tone of our parenting or the general flavor of our parenting. That's why I've entitled this point, The Atmosphere of Parenting. How can we parent in an atmosphere that doesn't exasperate our children? Well, we are to do it in joy. We're to follow God's example like we just saw in Zephaniah. We are to be joyful. We are to learn the grace of joy. We are to seek the grace of rejoicing always, of rejoicing over our children, with our children, and to not just rejoice in a happy, clappy, you know, fluffy way, but a way that is in the Lord. If we are rejoicing in the Lord, if that is the characteristics, if that is the atmosphere of our homes, We will not provoke our children. The atmosphere of parenting is to be joy in Christ. We've seen that the aim of parenting is not well-adjusted people or just simply to get through, but it's joyful, resilient Christians who embrace the faith wholeheartedly and have the Savior of Christ about them and live for the glory of God. We've seen that the means are communication, correction, imitation and prayer. We've seen that there's a particular role to fathers to lead and not to provoke. And we've seen the atmosphere of these things is to be joy. I want to briefly just speak to four different categories of people. Parents with children at home. I've said a lot here, and I want to boil it down to three things that I most want you to go away with. The first is take courage. This is Christ's work by His Spirit. Rely on Him. He says, I will be a God to you and to your children. I will be a God to you and to your children. He says the promises are for you and for your children. Take courage. Lean into his promises for your children. Anna and I have a friend, and she comes from a Dutch Reformed background. And she was saying to us that she thinks trace back her ancestors who have been in the faith genuinely regenerate. right back hundreds of years, and it is just her expectation in a good and godly way that that will also be for her children. Of course, we don't want to get into covenant presumption. We don't want to just assume that that will happen, but we do want to have covenant confidence. Also, take courage because you have a duty from God to train and admonish your children. It's not just about you. God has given you this duty. So take confidence as you do it. I also want you to remember to look at yourself first and keep looking at yourself. Children are imitators, as we've seen, and they will be imitating. So grow yourself spiritually. Be someone who can say to your children, imitate me as I imitate Christ. And grow in your use of the means, particularly in your use of communication and correction. Be a praying parent as well. And then create a culture of Christ in your home. This requires much thinking and prayer, but you want Christ's ways through his means to be just the patterns of your home. You want your children to instinctively know what's important. by these patterns. Things like repentance unto Christ and faith in Christ that's daily emphasized in unspoken ways in your home. Think about the culture of your home. Take time to review it and seek to create a culture of Christ in your home. Parents of grown children, many of the things I've said are, in a sense, old news for you. You've either done them, been there, done that, or perhaps you wish you had done things differently. But pray for your grown children. Support them in that which is good. Advise them. If they're unsaved, pray for their salvation. Seek to strengthen your relationship with them, even in repenting of things that you have done and also spending time with them. Christ is a forgiving master. And for every Christian here, Be a Christ-like example for the children in this church. Pray for the children in this church. Support the parents in this church. Grandparents, seek to help and support and advise your children in bringing up your grandchildren. They are the future of the church. The children of the church are the future of the church. Finally, to unbelievers, Christian parenting on a basic level is leading one's child to Christ. We've talked about sin, rebellion against God. We talked about that children are born sinners, we're all born sinners. We talked about repentance, turning away from sin. We talked about faith, resting and receiving Christ. And this is what you need too. If God is your father, he is calling you and he wants to rejoice over you. I challenge you to keep listening. I challenge you to keep coming. Pray that you would see your sin. Pray that you be given repentance and faith. Seek to root yourself in the church, that as you come in contact with godly people, that they, by their example, might draw you unto Christ. Parenting aims at Christ in our children. It uses the means of communication, correction, imitation, and prayer that the Spirit might form Christ in our children. Fathers particularly lead your children unto Christ, and parents create an atmosphere of joy in Christ in your home. May God help us to parent in this way, encourage parents in these things to the glory of God. Let us pray. O Lord God, we pray that you would Watch over that you would care for, that you would convict and draw unto yourself each one of the children in this church. We pray for those who have received you, that you would strengthen them, that you would make them faithful to the end. We pray for the parents here, that you give them much wisdom and help and joy in their work. And that we pray that in these things that you would strengthen your church and that you would bring glory to your name and throughout eternity that the fruits of the labors that are represented by the parents here would redound to your glory. We pray through Christ. Amen.