All right, let's jump back into the book of Proverbs tonight. We've covered two topics so far in our study in this book. We've looked at the wisdom of listening to advice. We looked at the wisdom of our speech. And tonight, we're gonna be looking at a topic that's mentioned often in the Book of Proverbs, and one that is incredibly essential to the Christian life, and that is our friendships, our relationships. I really believe that God created us as human beings and as Christians to be dependent on good relationships. The Christian life is not to be done in isolation. It's not a solo sport, so to speak. We need each other, and the relationships that God gives us can be vital in our walk with Him. And so we'll be looking at some Proverbs tonight. We'll be looking at attitudes and actions that harm or damage friendships, attitudes and actions that will strengthen genuine friendships, and then look a little bit at the contrast between shallow friendships and real friendships from the Book of Proverbs. How many of you watched Mr. Ryder's Neighborhood growing up? All right. Who wants to sing the theme song to it? Don't, that's okay, you don't have to, don't worry. We all know it, right? He says, ask the question, won't you be my neighbor? I've always wanted to live in a, what is it? I've always wanted to have a neighbor just like you. I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you, right? How is he using the word neighbor there? Won't you be my neighbor? Is he talking about just people that lives in proximity, right? Live on the same street as me. Is that what he's? communicating? No, a little bit more to it than that, right? He's talking about some type of friendship, a neighborliness, we can say. It gives you this feeling of being connected, of sharing life together, of being a friend. Well, something really interesting, when you look at the topic of friendship in the book of Proverbs, you'll see a lot of Proverbs that use the word neighbor, and a lot of Proverbs that will use the word friend. And when you see those two words, neighbor and friend, They both come from the same Hebrew word. So when you see either one in most cases, it's coming from the Hebrew word rea, and it's translated as neighbor or friend depending on the context. When the context is just talking about someone who lives in closely to you, nearby, those people who are in your life, you'll usually see it as neighbor. When the context seems to point toward an emotional attachment or close relationship, that Hebrew word would be translated friend. In the book of Proverbs, Psalm has a lot to say about how we treat those who are our neighbors, whether we're close friends or not. The wise person will protect those neighbor relationships and sometimes will create friendships out of them. Think about how you treat your neighbors. And I'm not just talking about the people on your street. I'm talking about people in your church or in your life, in your workplace. I think one problem about how we approach our relationship is this. We often view our neighbors as like a buffet, if you will. We can pick or choose who we show love to and who we ignore, right? There are certain people we wish weren't our neighbors, and so we pretend that they aren't Now, not all your neighbors will be your friends, but all of your neighbors should be treated with love and kindness, regardless of whether you like them or not, right? You think of the story of the Good Samaritan that Jesus tells. And he talks about the Levite and the priest that walks by this man who had been beaten up. And then finally the Samaritan who's kind of the outcast, hated by the Jews. And that's the one who reaches down and helps this man. And his question at the end of that parable is this, which of these three do you think proved to be a neighbor? to the man who fell among robbers. How is he using the word neighbor there? Is he talking about who proved to be on the same street as this man? Obviously not. He's talking about a relationship, a neighborliness, a friendliness, a kindness. And so a person's wisdom is seen in how he treats his neighbors. A person's foolishness is seen in his selfish, insensitive treatment of his friends. How do you handle, how do you approach the relationships that God has placed into your life? And again, not all of those in your life will become your close friends, but we have to recognize God has put the people in your life there for a reason. and we need to be wise about how we treat those relationships. As always, I wanna begin just by talking about the fear of the Lord. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and our relationship with God is foundational to every topic of wisdom that we look at in the book of Proverbs. When you consider the fear of the Lord and its connection to relationships, first thing I think we need to understand is that the fear of the Lord becomes the strongest foundation for good friendships. Psalm 119 verse 63 says, I am a companion of all who fear you, of those who keep your precepts. What do you see as essential quality in a good friend? Is it a fear of the Lord? And then a fear of the Lord guides how we treat other people, because love is from God. 1 John 4, 7 says, Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. One of the biggest lessons we learn in the New Testament is that genuine love, as Christians, comes from God's love for us. And so we cannot genuinely love other people if we do not know the love of God ourselves. And so it's, it's important for us as Christians to know how we treat those that God has placed into our life. I want to begin by talking about through a famous proverb that really highlights the benefit of good friendships. That's Proverbs 17, verse 17. Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. God has designed the Christian walk in such a way that it benefits greatly from relationships. As I mentioned earlier, Christianity is not meant to be done in isolation. I think the reason why the church is important is that it's important for Christians to gather and encourage one another. One commentator on the book of Proverbs puts it this way, the wisdom enterprise is a community effort, he says. So if we say, I don't need relationships, I'm good, I don't need anything like that, we're actually lying to ourselves. We're lying to ourselves. So here's this proverb, iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. Now we're given an illustration and an application in this proverb. Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another. So we see this imagery of two pieces of iron sharpening each other, and in the same way, one man, or one woman, sharpens another person. Now one thing we notice about this relationship and the benefit of friendships is that this is mutual, right? Can you see? It's going both ways. Both individuals are sharpening the other person. Now, what would we include in sharpening another? If you have a close friend and you say, man, we sharpen each other like iron sharpens iron, what's included in that? What would define that type of friendship? Okay, encouragement would be a great one. That's a great way that we sharpen each other. What else? I'm sorry? Rebuke, so sometimes that's what good friends do, right? We rebuke each other if necessary. Anything else? Prayer, absolutely. Praying for each other. Any other ways we sharpen? Yeah, Paul. Insight. So, I mean, counsel, instruction, insight, benefiting from each other. Anything else, Nancy? Accountability. Good. Anything else? Kurt, you had one. Nancy stole it from you. All right. Any other ways we may sharpen? Yeah, Rebecca. What's that? Attentiveness? So just being aware of what's going on in each other's life. Yeah, good. What else? Thank you. That was in my notes and I couldn't remember which one was right, my handout or my notes. Thank you. It is 2717. Thank you for correcting that. Appreciate that. Yes? Support, absolutely. Any other ways? Yeah. What's that? Make you like minded. Yeah. Serving each other. Yep. These are good. A lot of ways in which we sharpen each other. Do you have a friendship like that? Do you have? Yes, Bobby. Trust. Okay, good. Not only do you have a friendship like this one, but do you seek to be someone like this? This is the benefit of friendships. So before we get to, and we'll come back to some of these positive aspects at the end, but first we're going to go through the kind of the bad stuff, right? The things that we can do that really can destroy our relationships. Attitudes and actions that keep us from having good friendships or hurt and destroy the friendships that we do have. What is these ones that Proverbs gives us? Proverbs 3, verses 27 to 29. Here's one, withholding help when you're able to help. Proverbs 3, 27 to 29 says, do not withhold good from those to whom it is due when it is in your power to do it. Do not say to your neighbor, again, there's that same word for friend, go and come again tomorrow and I will give it when you have it with you. Do not plan evil against your neighbor who dwells trustingly beside you. So, In verse 27, we see withholding good, don't withholding good, don't withhold good from a neighbor. And then this one is speaking against not withholding good, but what? Delaying it, right? So in other words, This is what the situation he's describing. So a neighbor, a friend, needs something from you, is asking, maybe asking for something. And you have the power to do it. You have the power to help. But you're like, you know what? I'm just going to sit back and see if someone else does it. You have the resources. You have the time. You have the ability. And you're just like, no. I don't need to do it. I'll let someone else worry about it. Or the second one, hey, I'd love to help you. Hey, tell you what. Come again tomorrow. I'll give it to you. And he's like, but you have it with you, right? So it's not a legitimate excuse. You don't actually have to have them wait. You're delaying it for some reason, right? That's another way to damage relationships. This word for good is, I think, intentionally vague. Do not withhold good from those from whom it's due. It could refer to anything that could be to their benefit, and that is within your ability to give. What could be some of these things? Good that we shouldn't withhold. Yes? Food. Food. OK, good. Yeah, someone's in need of food. What else? Assistance. Assistance, right. Yeah, it could be physical assistance. Hey, I need help fixing something. Or maybe, hey, can I borrow a tool that you have? And you're really protective of your tools. And you're like, no, I have it, and I have the power to give it, but I don't want to give it because I love my tool set. Rebecca? I would even say prayer, because there's a difference Yeah. Right. Yeah. Now you're getting too convicting, Rebecca. Yeah. Absolutely. Oh, man. We say, I'll pray for you all the time. I've had to start kind of hedging the way I say it, and now I say more often, I will try to remember to pray for you. It's more honest that way. But yeah, that's exactly right. Prayer is something that we should be doing for our friends, and withholding that, and it is in our power to pray for our friends. It's one of the easiest things that we can do. It's something that can damage our friendships if we withhold it, yeah. Recognition. Recognition, okay, absolutely. Yeah, it could be food, money, help, something in need, physical assistance, all of these things. A wise person is attentive to the needs of those around them. That's really the most important thing. What makes a good friend? That's aware. I think someone said earlier that a good friend is someone who is attentive, is aware of what's going on. Withholding that good when you know that you are able to help is a great way to hurt or destroy a relationship. Verse 28 kind of goes that step further and says, well, don't procrastinate on this. Don't make them wait when you don't have to make them wait. And then 29 gets a little even more serious. Rather than withholding good, this person at that last verse is planning evil. Don't hurt those who dwell trustingly beside you. So withholding good from those who need it, and you have the power to help, great way to destroy friendships, hurt friendships that you have. Here's another one. Belittling your neighbor. These two verses in Proverbs 11. Proverbs 11 verse nine. With his mouth, the godless man would destroy his neighbor. But by knowledge, the righteous are delivered. So in this verse, the godless man shows no caution or kindness in how he treats his neighbor. Why would he be so okay with destroying those relationships? Why would a godless man be okay with tearing down, belittling, destroying his neighbor with his words? Well, probably because he doesn't think he needs him, right? He doesn't see the value. Verse 12, just a few verses later, whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. This word for belittle means to show contempt. But when contrasted, as again in Proverbs, we see this parallelism, belittles or contempt is in contrast to remaining silent. And so that's why you see belittles here. It's talking about this verbal abuse rather than just a heart of contempt. The foolish man is going to belittle, tear down, show contempt for his neighbor. And the person who belittles his neighbor, what's true of that person? They lack sense. This word for sense is actually the word for heart. Lacks heart. One commentator puts it this way, I find it interesting, the heart is the core personality. In other words, fools have nothing inside to share with others or even sustain themselves. And they lack the discernment, they lack sense. That's the type of person that belittles his neighbor. So belittling your neighbor is a great way to turn your neighbors into enemies, right? Using your words to tear down or make fun of or belittle the people around you shows a godlessness and a foolishness that we should avoid. So belittling. Next one, deceitfulness. Proverbs 25, 18. A man who bears false witness against his neighbor is like a war club or a sword or a sharp arrow. This person who lies, in this context, most likely in reference to a courtroom, false witness, but could be applied more generally, the person who lies against his neighbor is compared to three destructive weapons, a war club, a hammer or hammer, a sword, and an arrow. So simply put, you lie about your neighbors, your friends, that's destructive. That's going to destroy your friendships quicker than anything. All right, and I'm blazing through these, intentionally so. We all wanna make sure we get to everything tonight. Next way that we can destroy our relationships is simply being a bad influence. Look at Proverbs 16, verse 29. A man of violence entices his neighbor and leads him in a way that is not good. One common theme in the book of Proverbs is avoiding the bad influence of violent people. One cross-reference here would be Proverbs 22, 24, where we read this, make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man. What kind of influence are you on your relationships? Ask yourself this question, if someone is trying to follow the Lord, Would befriending you be a wise choice or a foolish choice for that person? Would befriending you take them backward or forward? What kind of influence are you on in your relationships? Are you leading them in a way that's good or leading them in a way that is not good? Comments or questions so far? I don't wanna go too fast here. Yeah. It really does, and that ties into what we looked at last week as well. There's great power in the tongue, and our words is a very quick way to damage relationships, just as it's an effective way to strengthen relationships. Alright, next one. Being vindictive. being vindictive, Proverbs 24, verses 28 through 29. Be not a witness against your neighbor without cause, and do not deceive with your lips. Do not say, well, I'll do to him as he's done to me. I will pay the man back for what he has done. So we see similar language of bearing false witness in verse 28, similar to what we saw earlier. And it says a false witness, because you see, be not a witness without a cause, and do not deceive with your lips. So he's talking about lying, bearing false witness, deceit, like we saw earlier, but this one seems to add a different element to it, and it seems to be deceit that's motivated by revenge. Vindictive, vengeful people won't have many friends. Payback is never worth it. And what's worse, it ruins your chance to form friendships. We read in Romans 12, do not be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good. Do not repay, do not take vengeance for yourselves, but give place to the wrath of God. If you're vindictive and seeking to take revenge on those who have hurt you, it's a great way to damage relationships. Here's another one. Proverbs 25, verses nine through 10. Another way we can hurt our friendships is betraying their confidence. Argue your case with your neighbor himself, and do not reveal another's secret, lest he who hears you bring shame upon you, and your ill repute have no end. So this, and what's interesting is the verse preceding this, so verse eight, describes neighbors hastily bringing each other to court to resolve a conflict so if you were to look back up in this proverb you see that they're bringing each other to court to resolve the issue and so in verse 9 it says instead you should be able to resolve your differences between yourselves argue your case with your neighbor himself and do not reveal another's secret. Well, what's the secret talking about? Well, most likely it's talking about this case or this contention that you have against each other, the criticism between the two of you. In other words, it's saying publicizing that disagreement with your friend will actually damage your reputation significantly. This is what it says here. lest he who hears you bring shame upon you and your ill repute have no end. In other words, don't be the type of friend who airs your disagreements and your contention with your friends publicly for everyone else to hear. I see people do this on Facebook all the time. Publicly airing a secret disagreement with a friend. You know, it's just never a good look. And it's not a good way to build friendships. When we reveal those secrets, when we tear down our friends in a public setting, the prophet says that brings shame upon you. And you're gonna have ill repute or a bad reputation that's hard to get rid of. And so don't betray the confidence of your friends. Comments or questions on that one? What about gossip? Proverbs 16, 28. A dishonest man spreads strife and a whisperer separates close friends. Proverbs, when you see whisperer, this is someone who gossips. And when we see close friends here, this is not the same word that we see as friend or neighbor. Close friends comes from one Hebrew word, which is describing one of the closest friendships you can possibly have, the deepest of friendships. And so what's he saying? A gossip is someone who can destroy even the strongest of relationships, not just acquaintances, not just, you know, companions. The closest of friendships can be destroyed by a whisperer, by a gossip. If you're a whisperer, you know what? You will have trouble forming good friendships. Why is that? Why would a gossiper have problems forming good friendships, Dennis? What's that? You lose trust with each other. OK. And why does that lose trust? If I come to you, Dennis, and I'm like, hey, you won't believe what Mike did in the office today. How does that lose trust? He's like, I believe it. Whatever. How would that make you lose trust with me as a friend? Right, absolutely. And this is the age-old truth, right? If someone gossips to you, they're probably gossiping about you. And if you are one who's always talking about, you know, so-and-so did this and that, You're not going to be someone who people want to confide in, trust in, with those more sensitive topics and issues. Yeah, Rebecca? That would be awesome separating two close friends. Yeah, absolutely. I think this is almost like a secondhand destruction as well. Like the scenario you painted, right? You could come to me with a gossip about my friend, and that could separate us, right? And so it's destructive. Don't be a whisperer. Anything else on this one? Comments or questions? Proverbs 17 verse nine, here's the next one. Being unforgiving. Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. And there we see it again, exact same Hebrew word that we saw in chapter 16, talking about the closest of friendships, the deepest of friendships. You know what can destroy even the deepest of friendships? Not only gossiping, but repeating a matter. not laying it to rest, not covering an offense. An unforgiving heart can destroy relationships. If you harp on problems and disagreements, and you bring them up again, and again, and again, even after that person has sought forgiveness, and you would repeat that matter, and repeat that matter, and repeat that matter, you drive people away. You destroy relationships. 1 Corinthians 13 verse 5 says love is not resentful. That word resentful is talking about keeping a record of wrongs. A truly loving person won't keep a record of wrongs. And as we go back to the fear of the Lord, what allows us as Christians to forgive and to not repeat a matter? What benefit do we have as believers in offering forgiveness to others? Because God has forgiven us. That we have received the forgiveness of God, so we should forgive other people. But if we repeat a matter time and time again, you will separate close friends. Whether that's the person that you're repeating the matter to who's done the offense, or similar to gossiping, you're repeating that to somebody else. You'll separate those close friends. Any comments or questions on anything so far? I know this isn't the fun stuff, right? But this is wisdom, right? This is showing us, do we realize the ways in which we can really hurt our relationships and damage our ability to develop close friendships with each other? Dennis. What does this do with our relationship with God? Oh, that's a great question. What does this do with our relationship with God? Well, 1 John talks about that a lot, right? He who says, I love God, and hates his brother, is a liar. And so, one thing that scripture says over and over again is you cannot separate your love for God with your love for other people. You can't say, oh, I love God so much, but I hate all these people around me. That's just not, that doesn't compute. That does not make sense in the Christian worldview. And when we are unforgiving toward others, that damages our relationship with God in a significant way. That's a good point, anything else? Now we're gonna get into some more, some fun ways, I guess you can call them fun ways. More specific practical tips that Proverbs offers about ways that may hurt friendships. Check out Proverbs 25, 17, this is kind of funny. Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor's house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you. What's this proverb talking about? Overstaying, you're welcome. Now this isn't saying we should avoid each other. What's it saying? Well, wisdom helps you carefully approach relationships so that you don't overdo it, right? In fact, if you were to look at the proverb before, Proverbs 25, verse 16, it says this. If you have found honey, eat only enough for you, lest you have your fill of it and vomit it. So what's that talking about? Basically, that proverb, verse 16, is saying too much of a good thing, right? Honey's good, eat honey. If you have your fill of it and go too far, you're going to vomit it out. You overdid it. And then right after that is this proverb about setting your foot seldomly in your neighbor's house. It's a good thing to have those relationships. Don't overdo it. You have to be conscious. You have to be conscientious. It's possible to hang around your friend so much that they get kind of tired of it. If you've ever been there before, I love you, man, but can you hang out with someone else for a little bit? Respect their personal space and time. Be conscious of their needs and concerns. This is just the quality of a good friend. And so be with each other, hang out with each other, but have that social awareness. OK, it's time for me to leave now. Any comments on this? No accusations, all right? Just comments or questions. All right. Look at this one. Proverbs 26, verses 18 through 19. Like a madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death is the man who deceives his neighbor and says, I'm only joking. What is being described here. I mean, like, what kind of deception is happening here that it could be described in a way that is throwing firebrands, arrows, and death? Any thoughts as to what's being painted here? What kind of thing we as individuals should avoid? Okay, it could be sarcasm, right? A biting, almost hateful sarcasm. And then when it's taken a certain way, like, come on, man, I was just joking, right? Anything else? Practical jokes. Oh, man, really? No, you're right. I think so. You know, like, you could maybe insensitive pranks, right? Things that you know, are designed to demean or embarrass somebody else. And then when they're in, and then you say, Oh, just joking, lighten up, right? Anything else we might include in this? Okay, talking trash. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yes. Absolutely. And we can get really good at criticizing but painting it in a joking way so that they can't get mad at what we said, right? Because we're just joking. Like, lighten up, right? This is, and what's the point of this? This is so destructive. Like, I don't think you could describe a more destructive insane, chaotic picture than that first line. A madman who throws firebrands, arrows, and death. It's about as extreme as it gets. And then it's that contrast with, I'm joking, right? So that deceitful joking, you could say, insensitive pranks, biting sarcasm, All right, I'm returning to this one. We mentioned this last one, but it mentions the word neighbor, so I'm gonna bring it up again. Proverbs 27, 14, whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice rising early in the morning will be counted as cursing, okay? So, basically again, right? Leave, you know, if you're a morning person, be careful who you talk to and when. Basically, I think what this is saying is, you know, to put it bluntly, being overly obnoxious, right? Not caring about the other person enough to know when is it a good time for me to speak, when is it a good time for me to encourage, do I have the social awareness to know when to, you know, what to say and when to say it. Just a practical piece of wisdom from Proverbs about how we should conduct ourselves. And then finally, flattering. A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his feet. Flattery doesn't help, it harms. People can often tell when you're just trying to butter them up instead of genuinely caring for them. And it pushes people away when you flatter them. So these are all ways in which we can, if we're not careful, destroy our friendships, our relationships. And sometimes, while this isn't always the case, someone can go through life and be biting, and belittle, and deceitful, and unforgiving, and all of these things, and then they come to the end of it and be like, man, why don't I have any friends? Like, man, why don't people, like, reach out to me? Why aren't people more friendly to me? And of course, if we're Christians, we should show love even to the unloving, and we shouldn't isolate people that are in sin. But wisdom points to just the practical consequences of life. Sometimes, when we're not careful, our own selfish and foolish decisions can hurt our ability to develop good friendships. Any comments or questions on any of that? Just the attitudes and actions that can destroy friendships if we're not careful. Paul. How do you share prayer requests without gossiping? How do you share prayer requests without gossiping? I feel like on one hand, we all know when we're doing that. And I'd say a good way to guard against that is just make sure you have the person's permission before you share the prayer request. And if you don't, then just don't share it, because it may be something that isn't wanted to be shared. All right. Next I want to talk a little bit about the contrast between shallow friendships and deep friendships. Because Proverbs talks about both. There are types of friendships that are easy to get and easy to lose. And then there's lasting genuine friendships. And how can we develop that? And I wanna highlight this by looking at an interesting proverb, Proverbs 18.24. You may be familiar with the phrase, a man that has friends must show himself friendly. Is everyone familiar with that? Look at Proverbs 18.24, this is in the ESV. A man of many companions may come to ruin. Same verse, all right? So if you're looking at the King James, New King James, it says, a man of many friends must show himself friendly, but a man of, in modern English versions, it says, a man with many companions may come to ruin. That's a slightly different interpretation, wouldn't you say? So what's going on here? And the reason why I highlight this is because I do think this verse highlights the two different types of friendships. A man can have many companions and still come to ruin. but there's a friend who sticks closer than a brother, a deep, genuine friendship. So let me explain briefly this difference and why it arises. Modern English versions all look at the same Hebrew text, the Masoretic text, no different manuscript based when you're talking about King James or ESV or anything else when it comes to the Old Testament. The Hebrew word they're looking at at the end of the first line right here is ro-ay-ah, all right, I'll write it out here. Not that you, you know, that the Hebrew words make much difference, but the comparison will be helpful. We've already learned the Hebrew word for neighbor or friend, which is re-ah, which actually shows up right here, okay? So a man of many re-ah may come to ro-ay-ah. So what's happened here, when the King James is translated, this word was mistook as coming from the word friend, this one, because it looks very similar. The second letter is just duplicated. And so in the context, well, it seems like it's saying a man of many friends must be friendly. But roeah, this one, is actually a whole separate Hebrew word, and it means to be broken. And so, you say, how does this happen? Well, we have to remember, inspiration, the authority of scripture, inspiration of the Bible is the original language, the original manuscripts. and the translation of the original language can be open to some mistakes at times. Now, should that just concern us? No, it doesn't have to, because we have the original languages that we can look back on and consult. And so here we have, and here's why I think this is a good interpretation of it, because this actually matches the antithetical parallelism that seems to be set up. So we see a man of many companions right here, plural, in the second line there is a friend, singular, who sticks closer to a brother. You see, come to ruin, the first line, and sticks closer in the second line. Again, I think this is contrasting two types of friendships. There's acquaintances and there's deep friendships. You can have a lot of companions, have a lot of Facebook friends, but still come to ruin. But there's nothing like having a deep, genuine friendship that sometimes is better than family, sticks closer than a brother. So Proverbs describes these shallow, easy to love, easy to find friendships. And they often use wealth as the means to get these shallow friendships. Look at these following three Proverbs. Proverbs 19, four, wealth brings many new friends, but the poor man is deserted by his friend. All the poor man's brothers hate him. How much more do his friends go far from him? He pursues them with words, but does not have them. The poor is disliked even by his neighbor, but the rich have many friends. So what's the common theme in this verse? Money, right? The individual is only viewed in terms of what they can give, right? They got money, I'm their friend. And then what happens when that rich person becomes poor? Bye, right? There goes your friends. Now what kind of friendship is that? It's very shallow, not much to it. It's treating a person like a resource instead of like a person. And like I said earlier, these friendships are super easy to get, and it may not be money, it could be other things in our day and age, ways in which this friendship benefits me. And so I'll have it, and the moment that benefit is gone, so is the friendship. These friendships are super easy to get, and they're super easy to lose. So this would be the shallow friendships, and this is why Proverbs 18, 24 will say, a man of many companions, You have a lot of companions. You can still come to ruin. You can still be destroyed. But sometimes all you need is one friend who's genuine, who sticks closer than a brother. And so in our short time we have remaining, let's consider the actions and attitudes that form deep friendships. Any comments or questions before we jump into these last few verses here? Yeah, Becky. That's right, yeah, you got a lot of friends mooching off you and taking away all your wealth and then you come to ruin, right? Yeah, absolutely. So what makes deep friendships? Look at Proverbs 17, 17. A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. So what would you say would be a characteristic of genuine deep friendships based off of Proverbs 17, 17? Love. What about love? Okay, sacrificial love. We may see that. Okay, unconditional, where do we see unconditional? At all times, right? And especially in times of adversity, right? Good times and bad. So this is sacrificial love, this is genuine love, consistent love. If you want to be a genuine friend, then be present, especially during times of great adversity. So in other words, if you disappear from a friend's life when they're going through a tough time, you know what? You're not a good friend. If you love them, if your love for them is conditional, that's not being a good friend. Dennis. No, not at all. You see brother here, right? A brother is born for adversity, but I think, again, it's compared, it's paired with this. So I think a brother could be included in this, but the point of the Proverbs doesn't have to be limited to a blood relative, right? There's an old saying that I've heard recently. I've got a brother that's from another mother. A brother from another mother, that's right, absolutely. And that's the quality of good friendships, yeah. Anything else? And again, think about our relationship, our situation as Christians, right? This is the love we experience from Christ. He loves us unconditionally. He sticks closer than a brother. Greater love has no man than this, that a man lays down his life for his friends. And that's what Christ did for us. Are we reflecting that love toward others? Kurt. Yes, absolutely. It's a commitment. It's an action. It's not just a feeling. Any other thoughts here? Look at Proverbs 20 verse six. Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find. So what's this saying, this first line? I mean, it's basically saying like everyone says they're, I'm a good friend, right? Talk is cheap. Talk is cheap, right? Oh, I'm loyal. I am faithful. And in other words, many people do this. Many people will say that this is the type of person, but the amount of people that say it versus the amount of people that do it is vastly different. To the point in this proverb, it's saying, like, who can find someone who's actually faithful? Who can find someone who's actually committed? That talk is cheap. Everyone will say they're a good friend, but the proof is when difficult times arise and someone sticks with you, commits to you. Look at Proverbs 27 verse 10. This is a really interesting proverb. Do not forsake your friend and your father's friend, and do not go to your brother's house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away. So what's it saying here? I mean, don't go to your brother's house on the day of your calamity, on your day of difficulty, but don't forsake your friend instead. What's being described here? What are we being instructed in this verse? Darren. If you have a closer relationship with a friend, and you're in trouble, go to them instead of necessarily a family member who you're not really that close to. Sure, yeah. In other words, don't neglect the relationships that God has put right around you. And maybe God has put those relationships right around you for a reason. And sometimes, you're going through a difficult time, you're going through calamity, and it seems like in this scenario, your blood relatives, your family live far away, But you got neighbors who are close. You have friendships that are nearby. And rather than saying, man, if I only had family near, then I'd be able to get through this calamity. Remember, don't forget, God may have placed some people close to you that can actually help you and be a friend to you and guide you through it. Don't forsake your friend and your father's friend in the day of your calamity. Because sometimes a neighbor who's close is better than a brother who's far away. I think I saw a hand somewhere. Becky, yeah. Could it also have to do with the situation that you're going through because the friends or the people that God has placed nearby you might have a better understanding of what you're going through at that time. Okay. Like if you have family far away, they may not know all of your circumstances or even when you're going through this. That could be a dynamic to it. Becky mentioned this, you know, the people who are close to you have a better chance of knowing more of your situation and could be, and more readily available to help in your situation. So don't neglect that. Linda. where a friend may be a Christian, where your family are far away, are not for you. Yeah, that could be the case. The friend can give you good Christian advice or help, whereas your family just gives you whatever they think is right. Sure, sure, yeah. Yeah, Dennis. I believe that this is laying the groundwork for a church. Yeah, yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. If we use them. That's right. And that's what we need to have as our mindset as a church, right? Why are we here together? Do we gather here together as a church just to kind of sit down in an auditorium and sing some songs and listen to a sermon and leave? No. God gathers us together to be a blessing to each other, to encourage each other, admonish each other. Yeah, and that goes back to what I said earlier. Sometimes we try to pick and choose who our neighbors are, right? And we find ourselves in times of difficulty. We're surrounded by what should be the family of God, right? And yet we can isolate ourselves still. and be like, no, I'm not interested in going to this person or that person. And then we end up hurting ourselves. Take advantage of those relationships that God has placed around you. And I think, yeah, it's laying the groundwork for the church that we can so easily neglect if we're not careful. Yeah, Nancy. Sometimes I think we're closer to our Christian brothers and sisters than we may be to Yes, yeah. Well, I think it's because we realize the qualities that form lasting relationships. And in that faithfulness, that commitment, that trustworthiness, that being a presence, a constant presence, is so much more beneficial and healing and helpful than anything else. Yeah, any other thoughts here? I think part of it is spending time together. At church we do because we see each other a lot. It's easier to develop friendships. absolutely yeah don't neglect the gathering of yourselves together but exhort one another every day right um be around each other and then finally uh and i'm have to wrap it up here i know we blazed through a lot of proverbs tonight so so the quality of deep lasting friendships is that faithfulness that commitment and that trustworthiness that presence but also giving heartfelt counsel and encouragement. You know, it's not just enough to be around each other, hanging around each other. It's speaking to each other's lives. Or like in the words of Ephesians chapter 4, speak the truth in love. Proverbs 27 verse 9, So what makes a friendship sweet? Is it just shared experiences or shared interests? No. It's from that earnest counsel. It's from those words of truth. Some of my best friends that I have now, like we don't have much in common, like as far as interests or, or personality, but that friendship was formed because we spoke truth into each other's life. And that earnest counsel, that heartfelt counsel is what creates lasting friendships. So genuine friendships are marked by faithfulness, commitment, and earnest counsel. And so, just in closing, a challenge for us. Are you seeking to be this kind of friend to your neighbors? And who are your neighbors? Well, I mean, who has God placed around you? Who has God placed around you in the church? Your family, your neighborhood. Are you seeking to be this type of person, showing the wisdom, showing the love that produces these friendships? If you treat others this way, you just might end up having some enduring faithful friendships that will strengthen your walk with the Lord and comfort you in difficult times. And remember, these instructions concern how we should treat those who are our neighbors, right? You don't get to pick your neighbors, but you can decide how you treat them. And if you treat them with love, some of those neighbors just might turn into good friends. And so how do we handle and approach the relationships of those around us? Be aware of the ways in which we can damage our friendships that we saw earlier. Avoid shallow friendships that are more selfish-oriented rather than service-oriented. and then pursue the qualities, the commitment, the faithfulness, the unconditional love, and the earnest counsel that defines solid friendships, and be that person to those that God has placed around you, and God can use you in a powerful way. Let's go ahead and pray. Ask God for his grace. Lord, we thank you for this time together. We thank you for being a friend to us. We thank you for showing us that unconditional love, that sacrificial love, that saved us from our sins. Lord, you've placed us here in this church, in our community, in our families, to reflect the love that you've shown us toward those individuals. Lord, I pray that you would help us pursue wisdom in our relationships, that we would be faithful and committed and trustworthy, seeking to speak the truth and love to each other as we grow in our knowledge of you together. In your son's name we pray. Amen.