Through months of weeping, yearning, aching;

I have discovered a valuable jewel that has been with me all along.

There is no bettter way to reveal the true nature of personal faith than to allow a person to function under conditions when no-one is watching. Leave him alone for long silent hours to do his own thing and watch. This is similar to what God did with Hezekah in 2 Chronicles 32:31.

One of the precious treasures I have discovered, having been bereft of many hours filled with delightfully cheerful smiles, conversation, and satisfying companionship, is exactly that; the silence, the solitude. Aloneness that presses a fingertip upon personal faith, exposing its true nature. Married life creates an environment that affects spritual habits and activities; creating an awareness that you are not alone. Yet honestly, what would remain if that blessed preserving influence were suddenly removed? Widowhood helps you to answer that question.

During the long, black, sleepless nights, the final, glorious, comforting realities of the Christian faith have risen on a tide so powerful that no failure of my own can turn its thundering waves back. I am preserved in my faith by a glorious God. I will persevere because even when my arms are too weak to lift to Him, He has already grasped me firmly in His strong hand of compassion and caused me to stand.

Will he still find all of his joy in the glorious Gospel of the blessed God? Will he still drag himself out of bed at 5am because his desire to commune with the Saviour overcomes his desire to sleep? Will he still continue an ongoing conversation with the Living God in his mind and heart? Will he still kneel to pray for other people because he is compelled by their need? Will he still keep short accounts with God, confessing personal sin and asking God to enable him to live as a man of Christian character?

I will, because I am;

Preserved by Jesus, when
My feet made haste to hell!
And there should I have gone,
But Thou dost all things well;
Thy love was great, Thy mercy free,
Which from the pit delivered me.

The hymn begins like this;

Oh blessed God! How kind
Are all Thy ways to me,
Whose dark benighted mind
Was enmity with Thee.
Yet now subdued by sovereign grace,
My spirit longs for Thine embrace.

How precious are Thy thoughts
That o'er my spirit roll!
They swell beyond my faults,
And captivate my soul:
How great their sum, how high they rise,
Can ne'er be known beneath the skies.

Read more here: http://share.gospelriver.com/Music/Array-Hymn/020-O-blessed-God-how-kind.mp3.php

This was the discovery of Asaph in Psalm 77, a psalm well worth the meditation of a life silenced by painful loss.