What is this ability that no one wants? The ability that no one wants but everyone has is irritability. Irritability is a toxic poison that strains and can ruin relationships. And irritability is something everyone experiences at times, in you, towards you, and around you.

When it comes in you, your skin gets thin, and you feel edgy. You know how it is. You are more bothered by the kinds of minor frustrations you ordinarily shrug off. You are more aggressive than usual, you snap at people, and you are sharp tongued and short tempered with them. You are all too ready to chastise people, and others tread lightly when they sense you’re “in that mood”.

When it comes toward you, you’re tempted to withdraw, or turn away. You might look at your phone or use some other distraction. You might try to escape to another room, or perhaps you might lash back out at the one who has lashed out at you.

When it comes around you, it pollutes the emotional atmosphere. It’s like a toxic cloud of negativity and stress that negatively impacts the entire room, office, household, classroom, or church. It doesn’t increase productivity. A toxic atmosphere creates poisoned performance.

Irritability heightens your emotional senses and triggers. Your poisoned perception is so hyper aware that even the slightest movement or noise might make you react. You’re ready to pounce, acting as if what you hold precious is under attack, even when there is no threat at all.

Irritability burdens others because harsh words stir up anger in them (cf. Proverbs 15:1). I seriously doubt if there is anyone who doesn’t feel the effects of irritability on a regular basis. But is there something, anything, you can do about it, at least in terms of making yourself less prone to personal irritability? Thankfully, there is. But we need to do some more groundwork.

First, you have to own it. You have to admit that your irritability is a sin, and admit it when you sin. You can’t just blame it on someone or something else. You might think that if they or this were different, you wouldn’t be irritated. But God says irritability is a failure to love. 1 Corinthians 13:5 says love…is not irritable, and Galatians 5:22 says that the fruit of the Spirit is…patience.

But if God is love (1 John 4:8, 16), how can it be okay for God to be provoked to anger (cf. Isaiah 5:25)? The answer is that in 1 Corinthians 13:5 Paul is addressing the short fuse. He’s talking about being too quickly or easily provoked to anger. That’s why the ESV uses the word “irritable” and why the KJV uses “easily provoked.” God can be provoked to anger, but it is slow in coming, and he is never irritable. He only gets angry for the right reasons, and his anger is always expressed in the right way. Like God, you should be “slow to anger” (James 1:19). At certain times you should be angry, but you shouldn’t sin in your anger (Ephesians 4:26).

Jesus knew anger; he drove out the moneychangers two times (John 2:13-17 / Mark 11:15-17). This wasn’t sinful anger, but righteous anger. Jesus was indignant over the idolatry against God and the injustice against people. In Mark 3:1-5, you see that Jesus was angry at the Pharisees because of how they dishonored God, hindering his work and refusing to show compassion. Yet it was a grieving anger. Jesus saw the devastating effect of sin on their lives.

When you see immorality and injustice, you should be angry because of the effects these things have on people. But like Jesus, it should be a grieving anger. Practicing righteous anger means reacting against actual sin, being more concerned with the offense against God than the offense against yourself, and expressing your anger in ways consistent with Christian character. But this is different from pride and selfish irritability. Christian, you need to change if this is you, because it is a bad witness to be known for flying off the handle when things don’t go your way. Irritability is never rooted in righteousness. It springs out of selfishness.

Irritability is unloving, unrighteous anger because it is a selfish response to an obstacle to your desire. What you desire may not be sinful, but you might selfishly, sinfully respond to its denial, delay, or disruption. And that is a failure to trust God at all times (Psalm 62:8) – and often a failure to value, love, and serve another human soul made in the image of God.

The worth of the soul you’re irritable with is infinitely more precious to God than the thing you desire. You dishonor God by being irritable with them. There are necessary times for loving anger. But there is never a right time for irritability. Love is not irritable.

So, after a lifetime of indulging in selfish irritation, how can you intercept it when it happens, and how can you find a way to get a hold of it before it happens? I’m going to give you a few simple things that you can do to help you deal with an irritable state of mind, whether or not it involves other people. Because I know that you can get irritated about technology, or equipment, or any number of things. And then you get irritated with other people as a result of your irritated state. So, let’s think about that, and then I will give you one incredibly powerful weapon to deal with irritability, when you feel it in you, when it comes toward you, and when it is around you.

Now as far as an irritated state, ask yourself why? When you’re acting out, ask yourself and ask God what it is that you desire that is being denied, delayed, or disrupted? Not the source as in “who did what”. But rather, what is it that I want, or expect, that is being denied, delayed, or disrupted, and why is this especially irritating me? And while your reactions might feel complex in the moment, the issue that triggered them might be simple. And you can repent of the sin of acting irritable. You’ll get better at this as you keep doing it. And you’ll find that certain things won’t trigger you as hard as they used to.

Get focused on the big picture. You usually feel that “instant irritability” about smaller size annoyances that you probably won’t remember in a few days or weeks. Remind yourself that God is for you, and remember that gratefulness can answer your grumpiness.

Remember that your emotions are gauges, not guides. You need to obey the truth about what God says instead of the truth about how you might feel in the moment. God loves you, right then, no matter how sour you feel. Imagine him giving you a big hug. And remember that sometimes little things are the big reason you get irritable. They shouldn’t make you irritable but they actually do.

Be honest with yourself about what’s bothering you. Simply acknowledging that you’re irritable can help take the edge off. And don’t let irritation reign in you (Romans 6:12). As you obey 1 Corinthians 13:5 in faith you will find that your emotions will eventually follow.

Be intentional. Intentionality can be a weapon against irritability. Ask yourself, “When am I frequently irritable?” Ask this question of those who know you best. And based on the answers, put into place some systems and habits that will remove irritable stumbling blocks from your path. Taking advantage of the grace of planning.

Consider some of the factors that can lead to irritability. Issues with your diet, like blood sugar levels, or too much caffeine, lack of sleep, unwanted changes in your schedule, failure to plan well, unmet expectations, and other things can contribute to an irritable state of mind.

Now, let me boil it all down into one simple, but powerful step. You can do this right now, today, and any day. But you’ll have to use your faith. If you really want to develop this, it’s going to take practice, and it’s going to take prayer. But you can do it, because God wants you to do it, and he has given you the power to be able to do it. And you can actually transform what no one wants into something that everybody wants.

So how do you do it?

Ok, first, realize that irritability is related to impatience, and impatience is the opposite of patience, which is a fruit of the Spirit. And the truth is that you are much more patient and longsuffering with someone you love.

So, when it comes down to it, the antidote to irritability is love.

But it is a love that is immediately active. This is not simply the overall “I love this person” type of love, although that helps. And it’s not just the “I love this person, and so I normally see them in the best light”, type of love, although you should. It is the “right now I choose to exercise it” kind of love, the 1 Corinthians 13:5 type of love. That’s the answer.

When someone is irritating you, don’t show them the irritated part of you, show them the love part of you. Even if you don’t know them. And even if no one can see you, or hear you. Because God sees you. He hears you. And he is rooting for you. And because the love part of you is greater than the irritated part of you. It’s the part that’s going to last, and that’s the part you want to experience, and the part you want others to experience. It’s a lot better than the ability that no one wants to experience. Use your faith, and see them through the eyes of Jesus. That’s what love does.