We are concentrating on Colossians chapter three and verse twenty one as we're moving our way through Paul's epistle. Fathers, do not exasperate your children so that they will not lose heart. Our God is certainly a God of symmetry, isn't he? There's nothing unbalanced about our God. And there are so many examples of this which we could actually turn to. But I don't think you need so clear is what we have in this section of Paul's letter to the Colossians. As the Apostle has been applying his great theology even to our relationships, you'll notice that he addresses one party and then he addresses the other. And so it's not just that wives are to submit to their own husbands, but husbands are to love their wives. Children are not just to obey their parents, but fathers are to discipline their children in such a way as not to provoke them to discouragement. And later on we'll see how servants are not only to obey their masters, but masters are to treat their servants in a just and fair way. Now if we follow the teaching of the scriptures, then we ourselves will have a balanced view of things. We'll live in harmony in our various relationships, I believe, and that's a good thing. Again, I point out that as we live in this balanced way, We also have a unique opportunity to show the world how to live the life that God meant it to be. Even in the simple matters of our relationships, of husband and wife, of children and parents, and parents and children, we can be witnesses of the Lord's grace in our lives. And so, as we're going verse by verse through the section, we come now to how fathers are to discipline their children. That's interesting. I read from Deuteronomy chapter six earlier, and there it's a very impressive chapter. We're not going to spend too much time in it, but I do want to set out the teaching in just a general form of what's there. There, God says that our faith is to be a vital faith, that God is to be a living God in our lives, and not that we just put him on the bookshelf and think about him only once a week. But no, we are to live in His presence, and we are to take His Word, and we are to share His Word with our children, and that we are to grow and walk. And when we lie down, and when we're on the way, we're to be constantly referring back to God's Word and teaching our children the principles of God's Word and His commandments and of His statutes. We are to remember that God is a jealous God, but God is also a God of great grace. We are to flee from all the gods of the nations around us. We're not to bow the knee to the idols of the world, but we are to be devoted to Christ. We are in His covenant, and therefore, we are to be loyal to Him, as it were. And that's good. We are to remember that He is a God of grace. Everything that we have, comes from him. You know, here he talks about that God has given them a land, a land that is formed with milk and honey, fields they didn't plow. The nation, you know, the Gentiles, these pagans plowed the fields for them. But now God has given him these fields. These pagans built houses that the Jews or the Israelites were going to be moving into. They didn't build the houses, but God was giving him this land that's already fully established. as it were, and this is a thing of grace. But God is calling them in this thing of grace. Remember that you belong to Him. Therefore, you are to be loyal to Him and live for Him. Love His Word. Love sharing His Word with your children so they too will grow up under the nurture and admonition of their God. We're coming again to this thing of discipline, and the word discipline is not found here in verse 21. Fathers, do not exasperate your children. They will not lose heart. You don't hear the word discipline there. That certainly is what Paul's talking about, isn't it? I mean, how else would you exasperate your children except in this matter of discipline? And as we consider the text here, let me simply say that it is presuppose in the scriptures that parents will discipline their children. I don't think I have to go into details of how little discipline is actually found among the youth of our society. I suppose, though, it would be a very interesting study to see how various child psychologists and social workers and all have influenced modern parents in the way how we ought to raise our children. One thing is for sure. that the various proverbs found in the Old Testament on discipline are certainly mocked as old-fashioned and destructive. You'll not hear from the modern mouth of children's psychology or social workers what Proverbs 29, verse 15 says. The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. We have a lot of spoiled children who are getting their own way because they're not given the rod. They're not given reproof, reproof of wisdom. And so our children are growing up without any wisdom at all. And it's a shame. Having said that, though, the apostle is quick to remind us, though, that there is a wrong way to exercise discipline as well as the right way we are to exercise discipline so that we don't exasperate our children, so they will not lose heart. So what we're interested in tonight is beginning to look at the right way, the biblical method of discipline which God has commanded. And I realize tonight, as many of you already have your children grown, there are still among us parents with young children, and we're learning how. And some of us have not had the blessings of having godly parents to show us how to raise children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. And what I hope to do tonight is give good pastorly advice as we're looking at this very practical statement. But I do want you to also see, because if you're parents that have your children that are already grown in that and you're not having necessarily to exercise discipline over your your children any longer because they're out of the house or whatever. There's still something for you. There's something for you who are single, who don't have children, because we're going to be looking at how also we are to model our discipline after the fatherhood of our God. So the first thing I want to do tonight is look at what is discipline. We start with the negative. The text begins, says, Do not exasperate your children. That's a negative thing, isn't it? It could also be translated, fathers, do not provoke your children. Or the Greek word could also be do not irritate them. Do not make your children resentful. Could also be translated as do not rouse them to anger. And what's the reason for this? So that they will not lose heart, that they won't be discouraged. And that is a real danger when we exercise discipline. And if we become guilty of exercising bad discipline or unbiblical discipline, we may do more harm than good. And so let's look at this. But one of the things that we need to also remember, though, discipline sometimes is thought of as a very negative thing. You know, when I think of discipline as I was growing up, I thought of the various spankings and the timeouts or whatever I went in a discipline in my mind was a very negative thing brought upon me pain and suffering. But the word itself, discipline, is actually a very good word. The word simply means to train. It means to teach, to bring about an orderly conduct through instruction and punishment. Again, the end result should be that the child would be instructed. It's the same root word, we get the word disciple. Disciple, discipline. When you are disciplining your child, you are discipling them, if you will. To simply punish a child, just to simply punish them, is perhaps to exasperate them. It very well could produce wrath and resentment, so the position may become worse if you haven't even exercised any discipline at all. But to use punishment as a means of training and instructing them into a better way will be, in fact, very beneficial to them. And so, again, I want to turn to Hebrews chapter 12. In Hebrews chapter 12, verse 11, the writer there reminds us of God's disciplining us. And listen to what the writer to the Hebrew says. He says, Now, no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful. And anyone who's ever had to be punished, anyone who's ever been spanked, you know that it's not pleasant or joyful at that time, is it? It's very, very painful. But nevertheless, the writer goes on to say, afterwards, it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Now, as earthly fathers discipline their children, there is pain, but God Himself also trains His children through discipline. God's discipline, which again is our model, there is a purpose behind it. There is a purpose behind what God does to discipline us. He does it to train us so that there will be produced this peaceable fruit of righteousness in our lives. See, God just doesn't willy-nilly just smack us around. He doesn't just throw trials in our way so that, well, ha ha ha, that was fun. No, that's not our God. Our God has a purpose in giving us trials and difficulties and chastisement. It's so that there will be a peaceable fruit of righteousness in our lives, that we will be trained in godliness. And we need to keep that purpose in the forefront of our minds as we fathers and mothers would discipline our own children. When you discipline, you have a purpose. You're not just going to discipline your children and punish them or whatever just for the sake of doing it, but you have a purpose that they might yield produce righteousness in their life, that there might be a fruit of godliness and they might be trained in the things of God. And so proper discipline really, then, is an action of genuine love for their soul. Genuine, proper, biblical discipline is an act of love for their soul. This is very clearly stated, for instance, in Proverbs 13, verse 24, where there Solomon says he who withholds his rod hates his son. But he who loves him disciplined and diligently. Is he disciplined? The rod is is a symbol of love. You have this this example also got himself again going back to Hebrews chapter 12. For whom the Lord loves, he chastens. And scourges every son whom he receives. In fact, he goes on to say, but if you are without chastening, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate and not sons. If you don't receive chastening in your life, if God is not in the process of disciplining you, the writer there says that you're not God's children. God loves His children enough to discipline them. And so you fathers and you mothers, if you love your children, you will not just let them go their own way. No, you will discipline them. Discipline is a proof, then, of love. First, of God's love. It should be a proof, then, also of your love to your children that you disciple. I believe this is important to understand. Discipline should ultimately be about teaching your children, then, the principles of God and the principles even of the Gospel itself. Perhaps this is one reason why fathers are particularly addressed here in our text. Fathers do not exasperate your children. They are called to be the heads of the household. The ultimate authority lies with them. It is the role of the father to lead the family in spiritual matters. So when you discipline your children, again, if you're doing it correctly and biblically, then you'll have an opportunity, I believe, to train them in the way of the Gospel itself. Let me just say this, that you will want to point out that this offensive behavior or attitude is unacceptable. But it's unacceptable not because it's my opinion that it's unacceptable. Not just because I think it's bad, but we want to point out and show how it is because God Himself declared it to be so. So the use of the law, the use of the Ten Commandments, to show how we break those commandments and we break God's holy standard is proper in biblical discipline. Another reason why it's good to go through the catechisms with your children found here, you know, in the catechisms are of our church, both the larger and the shorter catechism. As you look at that section on the Ten Commandments and the teaching that's there, the catechism breaks down the commandments and it shows what is not only required, but what is forbidden. and each of those commandments. And it's a good, helpful tool to train your children in God's ways. When you're rising up and when you're sitting down and when you're walking by the way, you could be teaching them using the catechism. Showing them what God requires, what God forbids. A very helpful way of learning not only behavioral issues, but also attitudes of the heart. Heart issues. You see, our hope is that our children will learn to mold their consciences by the Word of God. We want them to see how serious a thing sin is. That sin needs to be punished. That sin is a very heinous thing in God's eyes. He cannot tolerate sin. I want our children to see that when they disobey mommy or daddy, or when they fight with their siblings, call names, and when they lie and when they steal, or whatever their sinful hearts may produce. That is not just offending mom and dad. That's not just offending their brothers or their sisters or whoever. But ultimately, you see, and more importantly, it's offending the Holy God. It's grieving the Holy Spirit. We need to remind our children, fathers and mothers, that they are members of the covenant. And as such, Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 that our children are holy. That's why we baptize them. They are members of the covenant. Therefore, they ought to receive the sign and seal of God's covenant and baptism. They belong to God. Your children belong to God. And that's why Jesus said, Suffer the little children to come to me. And as parents, it then becomes our responsibility then to bring them to God. And to help our children to realize that, in fact, they are those who belong to God. They have His name on their foreheads in baptism. And so they are accountable to Him. That's one of the wonderful things about baptism. And when we see baptism, as we will next week, to remind our children that they have been baptized, they belong to God and they are accountable to Him so that we should be raising them and training them in the nurture of the Lord so that they will also own the covenant and profess their faith in God and in Christ. We want to point them to the Gospel. We want to show them how Jesus fulfilled the law for them. He lived the perfect life for them. His blood cleanses those sins that they have committed. What a great thing that part of discipline should be that it is an opportunity then to give them the gospel and then to go to God in prayer. To ask for forgiveness and find forgiveness from Christ. The biblical discipline then should have that cycle then of being reminded that we have sinned against God. And as we confess our sins to him, And in faith, receive that forgiveness in Christ, we can then be restored and rejoice. That's the whole thing of a biblical discipline. And if we're practicing that and if we're bringing them and leading them to Christ in our discipline, then you will not be exasperating your children. You will not cause them to lose heart, but they will only be encouraged. So the question is, how then am I to exercise discipline? And of course, we go back to our text where it says, don't exasperate them. Do not provoke them. Do not irritate them. From this statement, then I think one of the first things that we can see as parents is that we are first then to govern our own action. If we are not to exasperate our children, then we must be in a state then of self-control in order that we might discipline them correctly. And of course, self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit. You know, if you're out of control, and your tempers are not reined in themselves, then how can you exercise discipline over others? Self-control then is an essential prerequisite in the control of others. You might ask yourself, what right do I have to exercise discipline over others when I myself am so badly in need of it? I don't exercise self-control. So we must be certain that we are in control of ourselves, that we're cool. We might not simply be reacting with violence, Because if we do, then we will certainly provoke our children to discouragement and wrath and resentment. And again, if the purpose of discipline is ultimately to train your child in the things of God and not simply to punish them, then again, you'll need to have your wits about you, won't you? You need to look at the situation objectively and deal with it in a very controlled, spirit-controlled manner. And so if you're filled with anger, and great rage. And so you can't think properly. The best thing to do at that moment is then perhaps to send them to their room and take a few moments yourself to calm down and to repent and ask God to to bring that control back to your mind so that then you can exercise discipline. If you don't do that again, I think you can do more harm than good. That's just simple advice, isn't it? But I think it's biblical with us. Then we must not also be capricious in our discipline. If your actions are unpredictable and your reasons are uncertain, then you're making life hard for your children. It's hard for your children to be trained in righteousness if one day you're indulgent and allowing the child to do almost anything they want to do, and the next day you're all moody and flaring to a rage for the same infractions that they did the day before. You cannot be capricious. You must be constant and consistent, not only in your reaction, but in the pattern of your behavior. And you know, parents, you know, your children watch you, don't they? And if they see you doing the very same thing that you forbid him to do, you can't expect any benefit from that. There's a sense in which it can be said that your own example is a way of disciplining your children. But if you blow it, you blow it in front of them, Then confess your sins. Let them see you confess your sins. Let them see you go into that repentance. That's a good thing for them. They're learning from you. They're learning how to come to God as they themselves would have to repent. Well, something else probably should be said here. That is, if we're seeking to train our children in the way of the Lord, producing them this fruit of righteousness, then we should not be too severe in our punishment. or to use the language of the larger catechism, we should not correct them unduly. The thing Paul says is that we should not provoke our children. We shouldn't irritate them. We must make sure that the punishment then fits the crime, as they say. I suppose I'm simply trying to say here that we don't want to give our children the sense of injustice. And that sometimes can happen when we're too severe in our punishment. We must not allow the punishment to be so severe that it is out of proportion to what is actually done. To put it more simply, it's our primary and our ultimate goal is to bring them to repentance. Not every offense, perhaps, will deserve a spanking. Some are less than others. And with this, we should not try to necessarily humiliate our children or to put them down, especially in the presence of others. We are to discipline them because we love their souls. But again, remember what Paul says about love. Love is kind, isn't it? Love does not act unbecomingly. It seeks to build up rather than to destroy and put down. We're not really trying to crush their spirits. We're only trying to reign their spirits in. Yes, it's good that they might be humble so that they would seek after God. The Scriptures talk about the blessedness of the man who is humble. And God only looks upon the one who is humble, not who is puffed up in pride. And so our punishment, our discipline should bring them to a place of being humbled. But but again, this is not to be an unduly crushing of the spirit and stomping out that we want to build them up. That they would humble themselves before God, confessing their sins and recognizing that they are in great need of the Savior, that they would seek after him. Well, following that, then I think we need to understand that as parents, we are guardians. We are but custodians of our children under God. You know, we don't really possess them. They belong to God. They are God's, and so we don't really have absolute right over them, do we? As parents, we don't have the right to demand everything, expect everything from our children. We are to bring them to God and God's Word has the right to demand everything from them. But another thing that I think will cause our children to become discouraged is when parents believe that a child then is a slave, a personal slave or something that's owned. A person has this wrong notion of what a parent is and what a child is. Certainly, there'll be an inordinate seeking of their own glory. looking at their children as a way of bringing ease or profit or even pleasure. Sounds a little bit strange to hear that, but I've seen it in pastoral ministry where parents look at their children as nothing more than something that they can order around for their own ease. And I've seen parents who try to live their lives through the lives of their children, trying to undo the frustrations of their own lives by controlling their children. molding them to be what they wanted to be. That's not discipline. That may be tyranny, but it's not discipline. It's my job as a parent, then, to help develop our children to be servants of God and whatever God has called them to be, to encourage them, to support them. That's what Paul is saying here. He says it negatively, but I'm just putting it on the positive side. We are to encourage them, supporting them. Positive attitude are aspects of discipline. And finally, We should listen to our children, shouldn't we? Paul said, don't exasperate your children, lest they become discouraged. The Greek word for discouraged literally is that they don't lose heart. They don't want to give up. Things happen. A parent comes to bring discipline, but the child tries to explain what happened. But they're not listened to. They're just disciplined anyway. The child feels he's not heard. He will simply give up. Of course, I realize that a child can easily take advantage of that. But what I mean to say here is that we are not to be unreasonable. We should listen to what our children says. If it's not a true reason, then we can chastise them for that as well as the original offense, but we should be listening and loving our children. There are times when the children may not be in the wrong at all. out of a state of jealousy or something, a child might make up a story about other children. He didn't really do it, though. There may be other instances where a parent is ignorant of something. If the child is not allowed to give any explanation, the parent refuses to grant them even the possibility that there might be some reason that he hasn't heard, that could bring a child to exasperation, perhaps even a state of rebellion and bitterness. The loss of respect for parents. That's a tragic thing that a child should ever lose respect for the parents simply because the parent won't show them the dignity of listening to them. Well, you need to listen to them in discipline. And if you give them that, then they will listen to you at other times. Well, we've gone through all this. And there is certainly much more that could be said, I suppose. But I know as we look at this, this could prove to be a very difficult thing. Parenting really is one of the hardest, most difficult things in the world for anybody to do. Any parent will confess that. I have hard things to do in my job, but the hardest job of all is to be a father. But we need to remember the context. There is help here. Again, Paul says that we are to do this out of our union with Christ. out of the power of the Holy Spirit. If our lives are hidden with Christ in God, as Paul says in verse 3, for instance, then you can do all this by the supply of the power that He gives us. God calls us to do that which He gives us the ability to do by His power in the Holy Spirit. And so parenting and correct discipline might seem like a daunting task, but I want you to know that you have God's wisdom in this. He's given us the Scriptures. We have the spirit's help. And so don't ever get discouraged. The chief thing that we are again seeking to do is to bring our children up in the nurture of the admonition of the Lord. And so let us not discipline our children as the world does. But let's have a specific goal in mind to discipline them as Christian children, bringing them to the word of God, letting the word of God bear upon them through this passage. Again, Paul is reminding us that we ourselves belong to Christ. That's the starting place. If you're to have any success, I think it was Paul Tripp or one of the Trip brothers that that made the point that that when you discipline your children, you're also telling them, listen, this is God's word and I have to listen to God's word. I have to obey God's word. And so should you. Because God's word is absolute. And so, as Paul says earlier, let us be filled with the spirit. Let the peace of Christ rule in your heart. Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you. Whatever you do in word or deed, do in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, giving thanks to him, to God the Father. We do this and we will discipline and raise our children in love and we will be seeking the child's good. We're not seeking for them to be simply a chip off the old block. We're not seeking for them to be molded into our pattern, but we're seeking that they might be raised to love and to serve Christ and to be molded into his pattern. It's those who are conformed into his image. The most wonderful thing then. It's the most difficult job in the world, but it's also one of the most blessed things to be a father or a mother. But it's even more glorious to be a father or a mother who's also a brother and sister to your children in the Lord. So thus far, we've really concentrated on the negative aspects of training the children of the Lord. Suppose it's necessary because, again, there's so many wrong conceptions on how to raise children in this world today, not given a godly examples oftentimes. But praise God, discipline isn't just a negative thing, is it? There are many positive things about it, too. So probably next time, look at some of the more positive aspects of raising our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. But as we dismiss tonight, I want us parents to think of what it means to be Christian parents. Again, if you've blown it thus far with the discipline of your children and you now know your failings and you see your failings and you're feeling guilty and I don't do enough or I'm not doing it rightly, well, who feels like they ever do that? Well, go to Christ. Go to Christ. Confess your sin and confess your failings and receive His forgiveness. And then get up and ask Him to help you to do a better job. And my friends, listen, you put yourself into God's Word, you study God's Word, you're praying and you're putting yourself into the means of grace. God will come through. He will. He gives us that promise. His Word will not go out in void. It will not come back and do something empty in your lives. No. He will give you that. Doesn't James say that if any one of you lack wisdom, what will God do? Will He turn a deaf ear to that prayer? No. James tells us that if you ask God for wisdom, He will give it to you. That's a good promise. It's a wonderful thing to know what it means to be a Christian. We can confess this to our children. We can confess it to each other. We need to hear it. I am a failure. I am a sinner. But Christ is the Savior and He never fails. And all those who come to Him, He will in no wise cast out. All who come to Him, He will give forgiveness. And He will restore and He will sanctify. And praise God, He will discipline us for our good. So I want us to think about this and how we are then to treat our children. What if God treated us like we treat them? Sure, some of us may not like that. One thing I am glad is that our Heavenly Father knows how much better to treat us than we know how to treat our own children. He doesn't fail. And so let the patience of God fill you with all joy as you consider the way in which He bears even our evil manners. And as you come to the cross, and as you daily see God's love for you over and over again, His long-suffering for you, let that fill you with wonder and praise, beloved. And let it mold the way you treat others, especially as you deal with your own children. Amen. Let's pray.