get started. We're going to look at two verbs today. Remember, there's lots of things about the husband wife relationship. And we could spend weeks and weeks and weeks discussing this. But God just said, let's narrow this down because I knew I had only two weeks. And so we did the two nouns helper and keeper and we're going to do two verbs today submit and to love. And just a reminder, I'm just merely teaching this. I am no expert on this. I have made lots of mistakes, and we learned from that. But I know I'm still making mistakes, and I'll probably continue to make mistakes. And we all will. But the thing is, we want to see that we're growing into a better relationship, which is a good thing. If we ask those who have been married much longer than us, they would tell you, it's a journey, and there's gonna be ups and downs along the way, and that's okay. We are reminded even today of that covenant, okay? What covenant means, and we have a covenant with our husbands, and that marriage covenant is an example or representation of the covenant between God and man. that we have. So it reflects the relationship of Christ and the church. We're going to dive into submit, which I think sometimes is probably the hardest thing for us as wives to do. And sadly, over the years, this word or this concept has really been given a bad rap. But it's really, truly beautiful if we just study it out and see what it's really meaning. Okay, we're going to get started there. And I'm on the wrong slide. Let me just forward this stuff here. All right. The wife is to submit to her husband. There were some handouts, so for those of you who just came in, if you wanted one. I don't know where they ended up, but they're somewhere. Julia has them. Let's turn to Ephesians 5, 22 through 24. We probably know these verses well. Ephesians 5, 22 through 24 says, wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, as a church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be subject unto their own husbands in everything. So clearly we see that wives are to submit to their husbands. I mean, it tells us right there in scripture, but go up to the verse right before verse 22, where it talks about wives. And that verse says in Paul's teaching that believers should submit to one another. So submit to one another, wives submit to husbands. So what does this word submit actually mean? Well, in this passage, this word submit, I studied it out, means giving up my right for the benefit of another. And in this case, it's giving up my right for the benefit of my husband. Giving up my right as a benefit for my husband. Our example is Jesus Christ, who willingly submitted to the authority of his father. In Luke 22, 42, he said, not my will, but thine be done, O Lord. Jesus gave up his right for our benefit. He gave up his right to be in heaven, the most perfect place to come and live in the most humble of conditions. And He did that for us. And if our Savior is willing to do that, submitting to His Father, and He is perfect, how about us who are imperfect? Should we not also be willing to submit to one another, specifically to our husbands? One aspect of submission is reverence. Ephesians 5.33b states that the wife is to reverence her husband. This word reverence is a Greek word that means fear or to be in awe of. Now, not to be like scared of your husbands, okay, but rather like in awe or having respect. Respect is probably man's greatest desire. And I think that this was mentioned in class last week. Somebody mentioned about respecting our husbands. And I had told you that I asked my husband if there's something you could say to the ladies that men really need. He says, oh, that would be respect. They just want to be respected by their wives. So we know that Jesus submitted to the father. And how do we know? Well, he said it. Well, he did more than say it. He showed us by his example that he submitted to the father. Now, what we do know is that he went to the father and just didn't say, well, your will be done. No, he said, you know, if we don't have to go through with this, if you can let this pass, then OK. But whatever your will is, that's what I'm going to do. And that's an example to us as wives. You know, it's difficult sometimes to understand why our husbands say this or that, and we need to follow it, because maybe we don't feel like we agree with them. We don't understand. So just as Jesus went to his father and discussed this, If we don't have to do this, could there be another way? But I'll still be willing to follow you. That's our example that we can go to our husbands and we can talk to them about our concerns, but we need to go to them with the spirit of humility that we're going to be willing to follow what they say. Another aspect of submission to our husbands is that of obedience. Back to that Titus 2 chapter, where Paul is teaching Titus to teach the older women, to teach the younger women, to do this list of stuff. And one of those is to obey our husbands. Now, this was not some sort of new teaching that Paul came up with. This is all the way back in Genesis after the fall of man. We see that God in Genesis 3, 6, he said to Eve that her desire was going to be towards her husband and that he would have the rule over her. So this is not a new teaching that Paul's giving, but submission and obeying in that aspect was something that God had said way back after the fall of man. Now, it doesn't mean that we, you know, we has no say so as wives and that the husband can be unruly and dogmatic in the relationship. So a husband who's truly following scripture is going to love his wife in a way that will make it easier for her to obey him. But there are some husbands that aren't like that and some who are unsaved. Well, we're not off the hook as wives. God's word is still true that we're supposed to obey our husbands, as long as he doesn't ask us to do something against God's word. So this is just a side note that, you know, what we're talking about here in submission and obedience to our husbands, I'm not talking about situations of abuse. We see abuse around the world. It's common, sadly, but it's also in the church where there is abuse being taken place. And if you find yourself or a friend who's in a physical abuse situation, leave and get to a safe place and get help. Now, some are not having physical abuse. Someone may be experiencing some mental or emotional abuse by their husbands. You know, there is help for you as well. Come to church leadership. Pastors asked us to come to him and he will get some help for us to help us through those situations because we're to encourage each other and to build each other up and to help each other who are in difficult situations. So that type of conflict in marriage is not something that we're actually talking about today. But I just want to encourage if you know or if you're in that situation, there is hope and that you need to seek help. We all know that when a person follows Christ and trusts him in full surrender for eternal life, we have that secure hope, that eternal security. And I think as women, we like to have a security, a safeness. It's important to us. When we follow our husband's leadership and we obey him, there's also a freedom and security in that. An example might be your husband says, you know, I don't I don't really think you ought to do such and such, or I want you to do such and such. And we might not understand. It might be something that we really, really want to do, and we can be pretty persuasive with our husbands, right? But our husbands sometimes have more insight to things in general and to know what our schedules are, what we can handle, and what would be good for us or the family. And so we just need to follow their leadership on that. It's hard, I know, because I've been there and haven't wanted to. But when I started to practice, like, okay, I'm just going to decide to follow what you're saying, even though I maybe don't agree with it, or I don't understand it. I found that it was right after all, maybe not in all points, but I found a freedom. And then I found a security in that. And I know that we can as well, just like we have our security in Christ. One of the best things my husband has done for me is to help me to say no. I'm a yes person, I love to do stuff, but sometimes he says, no, you probably shouldn't do that. Now, I don't like that at first, but I have found whenever I agree to follow what he says that it is for my benefit and he is looking out for me. When we follow God's commands about our relationship to our husbands, regardless of what they do, and we commit to pray verses over our marriages, things will change. And so we're all work in progress, and we just need to be working on this, and I challenge you to do that. So as a wife, I get to willingly submit to my husband, benefiting him over myself by respecting and obeying him. Considering that submitting means giving up my right for a benefit of another, how can we do that in our marriage relationship? And we looked at respect and obedience. And so here's an example of a really simple, maybe silly thing that I do to show respect to my husband. In our bathroom, we have two shower heads. One is a big one, it's stationary. The other one's a handheld one. And I like the handheld one. I actually like both of them, but I like the handheld one too and that's usually what I finish up with. But my husband does not like the handheld one and he likes the big one. So to show respect to him instead of, you know, selfishly just leaving it where I want it, I will put the shower head back and make sure I press the button so that the big shower head will come on for him. That's just my, that's a very silly and simple way of just showing respect to him and he appreciates that. At first he didn't know it, you know, he just thought it always came on on the top. I let him know. was good but I wanted him to know I was thinking about him. Several months ago I injured my leg and so that's why I sit up here instead of stand. I'm still having some issues with it but My husband kept me down, which was good, because I just wanted to be up and doing stuff. And I thought, oh, maybe I'm trying to be a wimp or something. But anyways, he was like, we had planned for months in advance in March to go to the Georgia Aquarium to celebrate our grandson's three-year-old birthday. I was so excited to go, because that's something they love. And I was just excited to just watch them enjoy it. There was no way I could walk through the aquarium. There's no way at that point I could even take a drive very far because my foot would just my ankle and leg would just swell up and my husband told me no and That was really hard and but I knew it was fast so I chose to obey him and to stay at home and I needed that I've needed a lot of time off of my legs and So those are two simple ways of submitting to my husband with respect in the shower head and the obeying him. So recently this year we worked with two different couples and went through a program about marriage that was beneficial to us and to these two other couples as well and it is from Paul Tripp and it's the book and the DVDs, his teaching is titled, What Did You Expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage. And he starts by telling us at the very beginning that marriage is war, but not that kind of war. It is rather a war of worship. Ken Collier, you know, he was famous, well known for that. There's just two choices on this shelf, serving God or serving self, pleasing self. And in the marriage relationship, Paul Tripp brought out that we're serving two different kingdoms. We're either serving the kingdom of God, or we're serving the kingdom of self. Matthew 6.33 tells us to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. So in the aspect of our marriage, When we're faced with conflict, maybe over submission and obeying our husbands, are we seeking the kingdom of God? Are we seeking the kingdom of self? When we choose to submit to our husbands, and ladies, it's a choice sometimes because it's not always easy. When we choose to submit to our husbands, we're choosing the kingdom of God instead of the kingdom of self. The kingdom of self is pretty small. It's just me. The kingdom of God is everywhere, and it's forever, and it's much bigger. So let's be thinking about that when we have faced with conflicts, especially in submission. Kingdom of self, kingdom of God. What am I going to choose? We have to talk to ourselves, ladies. You know that in the moment, and sometimes that's hard. For me, I'm visual. I like to have little notes up and reminders of what I need to choose to do or work on. So, and that leads us into love. A wife is to love her husband. Some would say, well, wives are only commanded to submit to their husbands and husbands are to be loving their wives. Well, we're all supposed to submit to each other and we're all supposed to love each other as well. And Titus 2, again, we go back, Paul is teaching Titus to teach the older women, to teach the younger women that they're to love their husbands. So there are four types of love demonstrated throughout scripture. We may not always see the words, but there are four ideas of love in scripture. There's storage love, which is like love between family members like Mary and Martha and how much they love their brother Lazarus. There's phileo love, which is a friendship love, and I immediately think of David and Jonathan in the Old Testament and the love that they had as friends. There's eros or erotic love, and this is the marriage love. Example of that is, because we don't see that word necessarily, is Proverbs 5, 15 through 20. Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and the rivers of the waters in the streets. And let them be only thine, and not strangers with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as a loving hind in a pleasant row, and let her breast satisfy thee at all times, and be thou ravished always with her love. Why wilt thou, my son, be ravaged with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger? In Song of Solomon chapter six, verse three, it says, I am my beloved's and he is mine. That whole book of Song of Solomon, I challenge you to read it or listen to it. I like to listen to it on the, Bible is app and have it read to me. It's a whole book about erotic love. And so that is where we get this idea of love that God has instituted for us. And then agape love, we know is godly love. John 3, 16, we all know that verse. And John 13, it says, a new commandment I give unto you that you love one another. just like I've loved you, that you also love one another. And by this shall all men know that you are my disciples, if you have love one for another." In the marriage relationship, we get to not compartmentalize these kinds of loves. We get to experience all four of these types of loves. No other relationship can be like that. So how do we love our husbands? What does it look like? The Bible says in Proverbs 18.22, he that finds a wife finds a good thing. So we're good things for husbands. We learned that last week. And we remember that God wasn't, he said it wasn't good for man to be alone, so he made us as his helper. So we're a good thing. Colossians 3.14 tells us to put on love. And it says the bond of perfectness. This is a mature love. The Life Application Study Bible says that this love is a bond of harmony or peace. So we get a choice to love, bringing harmony and peace into our home. How do we do that? Well, some of you have mentioned we speak kind words to each other, speak with soft tones to your husband. Our house is loud, you know, but, and I've taught in classrooms that we're very loud too, and you know how to get their attention. Just bring it down to a whisper, speaking soft words and kind words. and practice it. Have you ever looked in the mirror to see what you actually look like whenever you're talking to your husband? Practice some kind words of speaking to your husband and see, well, what do I look like? Is that something nice for him to look at? Or am I looking like You know, I'm upset all the time, you know, and some, some people I think are created they look like they're always smiling all the time and others may be frowning so we have to look at ourselves and say, am I pleasant to look at when I'm speaking these kind words and practice in front of your mirrors. I mean, we practice for so many other things in life. Why not this most important relationship that we have in our life? So practice for that. Harmony is defined as compatibility in action. So our love in our home should be a beautiful blend of bringing peace into our home. First Peter 4.8, we learned that God's love, this is the agape love, covers our sin. Um, so we can apply this in our marriage that, you know, we're all human and we all make mistakes. And if I have God's love, then I can see my husband and his mistakes and be okay with it. It covers it. It forgives him. That means we don't keep bringing it up, which is easy to do. Well, you know, last week or last year or whatever. And sometimes we just perceive faults in our husbands just because, I don't know, maybe we have too much time alone. they think about, oh he's gone, and I think he was upset, or whatever. And we have perceived faults that we might find in our husbands. But the agape love of how God's love covers our sins, we can have in our marriage when we choose this kind of love as well. to overlook the sins of her husband and try to encourage him. And remember, I'm not talking about those abusive situations. Ephesians 5, 1 and 2, we're told to walk in love just as Christ loved us. This is a sacrificial love. This is where we get to choose the kingdom of God and not the tiny kingdom of self. When we seek ways to choose our husband's benefits over our own, then we're walking in the love of Christ, giving up my way for him. let our lifestyles in our home be a sacrificial love. And that will be a testimony to our children, to our family, others around us. Proverbs 31 teaches that the virtuous woman in verse 11, it specifically states about how the heart of the husband trusts his wife, so that he will have no need of spoil. And most of you probably, know what that spoil is like. I mean these people were warrior type people and so they go into battle their payment as the warriors or the army or whatever was whatever was left over they would take and divide it up from the people they conquered and that would be their payment. Well a husband who trusts he has confidence in his wife, isn't going to have to rely on the spoils of war in order for their family or their home to subsist and do well. So this is a trust that's referring to the fact that, back to the keeper of the home, that the wife is managing her household well for her husband. We can also take this trust a little step further. This trust, this confidence that our husbands can have in us, that they have no reason for suspicion of any infidelity. That we are keeping above board in our relationship with other men, whether it's at work, or in the neighborhood, or at church even. We're told not to commit adultery. That's one of the Ten Commandments. So we really need to be above board in this safe love that we have. Sorry, I forgot to put the notes up for that. So having a safe love so that our husbands safely trust us in all things. And then if you'd like to follow along in your Bibles in first Corinthians chapter seven, The pastor mentioned there's like passages people don't want to preach about or teach on. I don't know, I've heard a ton of teaching on this passage. 1 Corinthians 7, the first five verses. Now concerning the things whereof you wrote unto me, it is not good for a man to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife. and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence, and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power over her own body, but her husband, and likewise also the husband hath not power over his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one another, except it be with consent for time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer, and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency or your lack of self-control. These verses here are speaking about erotic love. Now, we have to take into context, he's speaking to this church in Corinth, these believers, and they had a lot of questions because they grew up in a culture of sexual impurity and perversions. And it's just always what they've known. So whenever they were faced with teaching of sexual purity, They had a lot of questions like, oh, if it's not good for a man to touch a woman, then we can't have sexual intercourse as husband and wife. What are we supposed to do here, Paul? They had questions about it. And I, you know, we might think that's really strange that they would question that inside of marriage, but We can also be impressed with these believers that didn't understand a lot of things, because here they were willing to suppress their sexual needs and desires that are God-given in order to serve God correctly. So Paul had to address this. And he says, no, don't abstain from sex. sexual intimacy with your husband and wife and he actually says rather that you're to render to each other What is due? Due benevolence. And that rendered means to pay back or to give what is expected to them. And that due benevolence is just not like, you know, we take a benevolence offering, it's just kindness. No, this benevolence, this word in the Greek actually means affection in a sensual way. And this is for husbands and wives. And that's who he's specifically speaking to here. So basically, Paul is warning the believers against the idea of not having an intimate relationship with your spouse. So not having sex is a bad thing. So having it, therefore, is a good thing. So aside from, you know, illness, understand mutual consent, like the scripture says for time of prayer, we're actually supposed to be enjoying this intimacy with our husbands. Now, We're all married in here, okay? So we all know, generally, a husband's sex drive, a man's sex drive, is just a little bit stronger than us as women, generally, but not in all cases. And I had a friend who, it was opposite in her situation, and for whatever reason, we were in a small group doing Bible study together, She shared what am I supposed to do? I hasn't doesn't desire me and I just it's like we're switched with our sex drives and None of the other women could give her help and I felt so bad because we were all in the opposite the more what we consider a normal situation where my husband's like, too much. It's like I need a break, you know, and he won't leave me alone. But I went I just sat back and listened to what everybody was saying. I felt so bad for this lady. And I went to her later and I shared with her something that a lady had told me. And she had the opposite situation, but I think the idea of what she did is helpful in either situation. She said that, you know, sometimes she just didn't even really want her husband's advances. She just, whatever reason. And she says, and right there in the very act, She said, I would just pray because I knew it was wrong to push my husband away. I've got a headache. I'm not up for this. She says, no, I just, I prayed. And she says, you know, the Lord changed me right there. in the very act and gave me a better attitude towards it. Ladies, we can take everything to God in prayer, even the intimacy with our husbands. He tells us that it's good and that we're to enjoy it. And so if we're having difficulty, we need to take it to him in prayer. So that's what I encourage my friend who had the opposite situation, take it to the Lord in prayer. Prayer changes things, it really does. I don't know what your current situation is, and I don't really wanna know what your current situation is intimately with your husband, but we know that God says we can take everything to Him in prayer. And then those verses tell us we don't have power over our own bodies. Well, if we belong to Christ, God is the one who has power over our bodies. He can decide if we're going to get injured or be sick or, you know, a lady I follow on Facebook is a Christian. She's lost her arms and legs. She's a young mom. And I think about her and pray for her often. You know, God has power over that. He has a plan for her and he has a plan for us. But in the marriage relationship, God says here that the husband has power over the wife's body and the wife has power over the man's body and that we are to enjoy that. I think for those of us who have grown up in the church culture, for lack of a better way to put it, And we're told, you know, sit, you know, don't do this and don't do that. And, you know, this is bad and that's bad. And then we get married and everything's supposed to be, you know, it's a go. And it's like, you know, that can be scary for young virgins. Okay. And I'm not saying that we need to teach them to be promiscuous, but we need to teach them that this is a really good thing and that we need to enjoy it. and that it is okay with our husbands and it's a special part of our life. We can be influential in our husband's lives even when it comes to our sex life or erotic love that we have for our husbands. If you know that there's something that your husband really really likes and he's told you then you know that. Then even if it's uncomfortable for you, just work at it. Ask the Lord to help you to please your husband in that way. Ladies, we don't want anybody else to please our husband in a way that only we should be. So make sure that you work on that. Let him know, I really struggle with this, but okay, this is what's gonna please you. You know, I'm going to work through this and I'm going to commit it to the Lord, commit it to the Lord together. And in that regard, we are choosing to worship the kingdom of God. I mean, he clearly lays out that we're supposed to be doing this for each other as husband and wife. And so take it to him in prayer and advance the kingdom of God, even in the marriage bed. Instead of the kingdom of self. I'm uncomfortable. I don't want this Let's not be doing that to her husband's Now, after every point, every noun and verb, we shared ways. But on this one, I want you to think of ways of maybe, you know, in your personal relationship, when it comes to love, especially the erotic love, how can I please my husband, and therefore, further the kingdom of God and choose the kingdom of God over kingdom of self. You don't have to write it down. Maybe you don't want anybody to see it. But think of something that you want to actively work on this week. And seek the scripture if you have more questions about it. But consider that. We're winding down here. And I did not get to do this last time with the other group because we started really late. But I want to read to you first Corinthians 13. We all know this is the love chapter and I want you to know I'm not trying to be You know rewriting scripture, but somebody has creatively taken this passage and applied it specifically to the marriage relationship and So that's what I'm reading for you. It's taking you know, artistic liberty, I guess you could say, but I don't feel that this is in a bad way. If it offends you, I'm very sorry. I'm hoping that it will be an encouragement to you. It was to me. If I speak to my spouse using tactful, I feel messages and skillful conflict resolution strategies, but I do not love, I'm like a clanging cymbal or a car alarm that won't shut off. And even if I have an advanced degree in marriage counseling and understand all the mysteries of why people do what they do and have all the knowledge of psychology, and even though I read a mountain of books on relationships, if I do not love, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my good efforts to fulfill my duties, and though I burn up every drop of energy on being a great spouse, if I do not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient even when a spouse does not change. Love is kind even when a spouse is thoughtless. Love does not envy someone else's marriage. Love is not impressed with its own marriage skills. Love does not save its best manners for company, but instead it uses fine china manners with the spouse. treating him or her with honor every day. Love does not insist on getting its own way, but works to see things from another's perspective. Love is not irritable or exasperated. You cannot get its goat. Love keeps no records of wrongs because love does not take offense. Love does not see a spouse's failures or sins as personal affronts. Love knows that a spouse sins against God and against God alone. That's Psalm 51, 4. Love forgives and refuses victim mentality. Love refuses to think resentful thoughts about our husbands or wives. Instead, love insists on seeing what is good and giving thanks. It might not be the gift you wanted or the activity, but you're giving thanks for that. Love does not delight in any threat to the relationship, but rejoices in what heals and strengthens the marriage. Love always protects a spouse, his or her ultimate good, always believes that a spouse is priceless and made an image of God, always trust the promises of God, and always is confident that God's grace is deeper than any need. Love never shuts its heart, never forsakes its covenant commitment, and never rejects a spouse. Love never fails. But prophecies that you should move on with your life, that will fail. The tongues that call your spouse a jerk will cease, and the knowledge that you deserve better than this will vanish away. When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child, but when I became married, I had to put away childish things, such as name-calling, and pouting, and choosing what feels easy. For now we see through a hazy glass, and there is much that we don't understand about our spouses, about ourselves, or about God's ways. But then, face to face with God, we will know fully what glorious things he has been doing through our marriages, just as he knows fully how to love us now. And now faith, hope, and love remain, but the greatest of these is love. Love your husband as well. So just to recap what we've worked on these two weeks. that I am my husband's helper. I am the keeper of my husband's home. I willingly, and this is a choice, submit to my husband seeking the kingdom of God over the kingdom of self, or not the kingdom of self. And I love my husband with storage, phileo, agape, and erratic love. How blessed we are that we get to experience all of that inside of our marriage relationship. And I hope that maybe you've been challenged in some way, you've been encouraged, and I'd love to be able to pray for you. I don't need to know circumstances. I know some person said, well, I don't have problems in my relationship. Well, I think we all do. It's relationships, people. And we're all sinners, so we're all going to have trouble. But I encourage you to find even more ways, mull over your nose, see what God wants you to do. We need strong couples, just like Aquila and Priscilla. that we can show forth the gospel of Christ. We're living in such a sexist world and of course we know the attack has been on the family for years, but let's build up our marriages first. That will build up our families and it will build up our churches. Thank you guys so much for your attentive listening and your encouragement of being here with a desire to enhance your marriage that God has brought you into. Bill and I may have opportunities here in the future to be able to use the material that we presented. And so if you have any suggestions, I am open to that. Obviously, we can't cover everything and maybe in another setting be able to cover more. But if you have something that you just feel like you want to share, I'd appreciate you sending that to me. I'm on the realm or you can come up and let me know. All right, let's close in a word of prayer and then yes. Yes. The Corinthians thirteen thing. Yes, I can. I can make some poppies and and so if y'all wanna, yeah, see me at church, sit over on the organ side at the break. Alright, let's have a word of prayer. Father in heaven, we thank you so much for your love to us. Greatest example of We thank you that you care about the marriage relationship. You instituted it and you've allowed it and you've allowed us to be in that relationship and I pray that the things that we learn in your word that we would realize we're responsible for it and that we would act upon it even this very week and help us to learn more and more how to be like your son Jesus Christ that we may win those around us because of your love and the love that's in us. So help us as we go forth in our separate ways and in our own marriages to delight and honor you. In Christ's name we pray. Amen.