this morning with our series through the epistle, Paul's epistle to the Ephesians. I encourage you to be with us here again tonight. We'll be doing, continuing with a new series called Measuring the Music and we're looking to deal with the whole issue of contemporary Christian music starting with a look at the historical roots of rock and roll and why it's wrong and so I'd encourage you to come back tonight to be a part of that and to hopefully get some clarity on that subject as we examine it, a very important issue that confronts us today. But this morning we're back in Ephesians Chapter 5 and we're looking at the, or continuing with the theme, Harmony at My House. harmony at my house. In verse 18 of Ephesians 5 we have that very important command, and be not drunk with wine wherein is excess, but be filled with the spirit. And then Paul goes on to explain and to describe the spirit-filled life in practical terms and how it affects us in the church, verse 19 and 20, how the filling of the spirit fruits in a certain kind of sacred worship. And then we're looking now at how the filling of the Spirit affects family life, the Spirit-filled family. And so, when the Holy Spirit is filling us, there will be harmony in God's house, the church, but there'll also be harmony at my house. In our last lesson, we looked at the Spirit-filled wife, and her role towards her husband. This morning we look at the spirit-filled husband and his role in marriage, his role in the home. So we're going to pick up our reading in verse 25 of Ephesians 5 and we'll read down to the end of the chapter. We memorized some of these verses, didn't we, recently. All right, Ephesians chapter 5 and reading from verse 25, why don't you read it with me on the count of three. One, two, three. that he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies, he that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the Church. Nevertheless, let every one of you, in particular, so love his wife even as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband.' Let's pray and ask for the Lord's blessing on his Word this morning. Father, we thank you for those who have gathered this morning to hear your Word and we pray, Lord, now that you would be with us, that you would put your hand upon the speaker and the listener today, we pray for those who are homesick watching online, that you would bless them as well and speak to their hearts, minister to their needs, and we look to you now for the filling of the Spirit in order to deliver this message, the filling of the Spirit and the help of the Spirit in order to understand what is revealed to us here, and we pray in Jesus' name, Amen. Family life, as God ordained, works, doesn't it? And what a blessing that is. We have all sorts of chaos out there today and breakdown in marriages and in homes but we're thankful that when Christians take to heart the instructions of God's Word, family life can be a little touch of heaven on earth. It's not heaven on earth, we know that, but it is a touch of heaven on earth or can be a wonderful place of blessing. And what you're going to notice, or what you hopefully have already noticed with these verses, is that the truths concerning Christ and His church are interwoven with the instructions to husbands and wives. It was the same with last week's message. So all through, as we study about the husband and the wife relationship, God weaves in these wonderful and glorious truths concerning Christ's relationship to His church. so it reveals, doesn't it, the grand and the glorious design of marriage that God intended, a marriage to be a picture and a reflection of Christ and the church. And so to tamper with God's institution of marriage is a very serious thing indeed because God's grand purpose and God's grand design in instituting Christian marriage was that it might reflect in some way the relationship that Christ has with his church. want you to observe something else here, we'll get into the text in a moment, but just by way of introduction, that while there are three verses dealing with the wife's responsibility in marriage, there are nine verses dealing with us men. Okay, that's important, isn't it? All right, there are only three verses dealing with the wife and her responsibility and there are nine verses... talk about discrimination, no... Nine verses dealing with the husband's responsibility in the marriage. Now, jokes aside, we can see that that is God's wisdom because men, we hold the greater measure of responsibility. We talked last week about the headship of the husband and that's all very wonderful but that comes with great responsibility. God holds you and I as husbands, if you're a husband, responsible very much for the overall management and direction and leadership of the home and so that's triple, triple the amount of instructions for us men. So let's take that to heart this morning. And so what I want to do in this message is just consider what the passage before us says concerning the spirit-filled husband in the home. and I'm going to give you five points or five headings that you can jot down in your fill-in sheet if you find that helpful and I want you to notice firstly, the exhortation. I'll give you five words to summarize or to summarize this passage and to guide us through. Number one, the word exhortation. is an exhortation in verse 25 to the husband. Verse 25, husbands love your wives even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. The exhortation is to love. In fact, love is the key word in this section appearing six times. And so, I guess if you want to get to the heart of the husband's responsibility, it is to be a channel of God's love for the family. And men, we are responsible to provide that environment of love in which our wives can flourish in their role in submission to us. very hard for a wife to really exercise spirit-filled submission to a husband who is not loving her as he should. Now of course she's got to try and do her best in those circumstances but it is so important men that we take to heart what God has for us here to be channels of love to our wives. So what is the definition of this word love? definition of this word love, it's important we understand what it means. It's not hard as a general rule for men to love their wives romantically but that is not primarily what is in view here. This word love is the word that is used to describe God's love, the divine love, it's the agape love. we find that this word is in the present imperative, that means it's a present command which tells me and tells you that we never fully arrive or attain perfection on this, okay. So we are to love your wife, the command is to love your wives and to keep on loving your wives as an ongoing process and as a growth process, okay. Do you identify with that? How many of you husbands would say you've arrived when it comes to loving your wife? Don't raise your hand, she'll slap you, okay. No, not really, but I don't know about you, I haven't arrived and let me suggest you haven't either, okay? And so this is a matter of growth, of an ongoing process of learning to love as Christ loved. Now this love is a self-sacrificial love, it's a love that compels the one loving, says one author here, to give himself in self-sacrifice for the well-being of the one who is loved. So it's others-centred love, isn't it? It's love that seeks the best for the other, it is love that is selfless. Now that love isn't natural in us, is it? We're naturally selfish as men, we're naturally selfish as human beings and so we cannot manufacture this kind of love towards our wives. It is a love that only God can produce in the heart and the life as we are spirit-filled. Romans chapter 5 and verse 5 speaks of this love being shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit. And so, if you're a Christian husband, you have a tremendous ally in the Holy Spirit of God who indwells you to enable you to do what you cannot do naturally. Natural love only goes so far, doesn't it? I mean, we see that in the world. Natural love very often reaches a point, a breaking point, and then it ends. And without Christ, may I just say this, if you're not saved this morning, without Christ you really don't have much hope of making marriage work to its fullest as God intended it. You need Christ in your life and the Spirit of God to enable you to love. John Phillips puts it this way, he says, our little tributaries of love soon dry up. But the ocean tides of His immeasurable love come in and overflow the banks of the narrow channels of our love. Isn't that true? The little tributaries of our own love dry up very quickly and they can dry up even in a marriage. But God's ocean tides of divine love are available to the Christian husband if he will but trust in the Spirit of God to fill him and to work through him. And so the definition of that love. This love is more of an action than it is emotion. Now we understand that emotions are a necessary part of life and emotions are an accompaniment to love, aren't they? Emotions provide some warmth in a relationship but did you know it is possible for true love to exist even on those days when the emotions are flat? Okay, we're human, aren't we? Our emotions go up and our emotions go down. But you can still choose to love your wife on a day when you don't feel very emotional, okay, or where you feel flat emotionally. If you want to get a sense for what this love looks like, you need to turn to 1 Corinthians 13. Turn there for a moment, 1 Corinthians chapter 13 in verse 4 to 8, well-known passage, often read at weddings, obviously weddings is not in the context there but it is applicable. 1 Corinthians in chapter 13 and verse 4 to 8. Okay, the Bible reads, charity suffereth long and is kind. This is the kind of love that husbands are commanded to exercise towards their wives. This is what it looks like, charity suffereth long and is kind. Charity envieth not, charity vaundeth not itself, is not puffed up. doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things, charity never faileth.' That's the kind of love that God requires of us men. Now, a very convicting exercise for a husband to do is to examine his love for his wife against this standard of divine love. Let's try it, shall we? Think of it this way, as a husband, I suffer long and am kind. I, as a husband, do not envy, I do not vaunt myself, I am not puffed up. I do not behave myself unseemly, nor am I self-seeking. I am not easily provoked, that's a convicting one, isn't it? And I don't think evil of my wife, meaning I trust her and put the best construction on things. In my married life, I don't rejoice in iniquity, but I rejoice in the truth. And in relation to my wife, I bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things. My love for my wife never fails. How many of you feel like that's very convicting? I do, because you try and put your name in there and you kind of think, boy, I don't think I really fit the bill there. Okay, are you ever easily provoked as a husband? Mr Grumps, okay. Do you bear all things and believe all things and is your love never failing? I'll tell you what, it's a convicting exercise, isn't it, to think about that and to realise just how short we come when it relates to this matter of loving our wives. I think we come very short, men. We come very short of what God requires of us in this matter of loving our wives and in order to be a spirit-filled husband, we're going to have to take seriously what it means to truly love and to cast ourselves in dependence upon God and ask Him to help us to live through us, that Christ would be our life and that He would enable us to be a channel of such love to our wives. So, I don't think any of us have arrived, have we? And we just need the Lord's help there. Now, some people say that, well, Paul was just, you know, in passages like this, he was just expressing the popular viewpoints of the day, you know, that wives were to submit to their husbands, that was an archaic idea and, you know, that all this idea about family life, that was just Paul, you know, sort of expressing the predominant view of his day, the misogynist view of his day. Actually, that's not true at all. This teaching was revolutionary. The family life in Rome and across the Roman world was in tatters. Wives, rather than actually being answerable to their husband's leadership, very often, more often than not, were still answerable to their fathers. Okay, so this was a big deal for a woman at that time to realise, actually, my husband is my leader, not my father. As I understand it, the father could often intervene and break a marriage up and he still had tremendous control over his daughter, although she was married. And so this idea of her being under the headship of her husband was actually contrary to culture. And then this concept of a man actually loving his wife as Christ loved the church, that was mind-blowing. For the men of that day, the wife was very much viewed as kind of like his property to do with as he pleased. And so, don't get this idea that Paul was just sort of expressing the viewpoint of his day. No, this is the divine inspiration of God that runs against culture. So, the definition of this love. Observe the direction of this love. Husbands love who? Your wives. Your wife is to be the focus of this love, that's very basic, but it's very important to emphasize. Now, as Christian brothers, we should have Christian love towards our sisters in Christ, but it should only be your wife who is the object of your special love, men. Amen? Only your wife should be the recipient of this special focus of your love. So we have the exhortation to the husband to love his wife. Notice secondly now the illustration. The illustration, husbands love your wives even as Christ also, pardon me, loved the church and gave himself for it. so the Apostle now turns to the example of Christ's love for the church as the model for the husband, as the great standard that he is to aspire to, that he is to strive towards with God's help. What a high standard of love this is. husbands love your wives even as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word verse 27 that he might present it to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing but that it should be holy and without blemish So, in these verses the Apostle Paul draws our attention now to that grand and glorious love of Christ and the grand purposes that Christ had in dying for the church as a model and as an example to the Christian husband. Now, let's observe the qualities of Christ's love in these verses. Christ's love, number one, is a sacrificing love, a sacrificing love. husbands love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and what's that word? Gave himself for it. He gave himself and so this is the example of Christ's love, it is a sacrificing love. Can you see right there that love is other-centred? Okay, it's a love that flows out to the object of one's affection and this brings us to the heart and soul really of what it means to love our wives, men, we need to be prepared to give ourselves for them. give of ourselves for them. Now for our Lord Jesus Christ, we note that his love for his bride, the church, was such that he was willing to even pay the supreme sacrifice in dying on the cross for the church. And so it teaches that yes, a husband should love his wife to such a degree that he would be willing to lay down his life for her. Very important. the time ever came for one of you to take the bullet, you have to take the bullet. You should take the bullet for her, that should be the kind of love that you have for your wife. A striking story is told from ancient history of King Cyrus of Persia and one of the wives of his generals was charged with treachery against the king and she was brought in before King Cyrus and condemned to die and her husband hearing this news came running in, fell down before the king and cried out, oh sir take my life instead of hers, let me die in her place. And the story goes that Cyrus was so touched by this that he said love like that must not be spoiled by death and gave her her life back. And the story goes that as they walked away, the husband said to his wife, did you notice how kindly the king looked upon us when he gave you a free pardon? To which his wife replied, I had no eyes for the king. I saw only the man who is willing to die for me. Touching story, but highlights the point that as men, we should love our wives to where we would give our lives even for them. But most of us will not be called upon, very likely, to give our actual physical lives in death for our wives. But we certainly need, as men, to learn to give ourselves daily, don't we? To give ourselves for our wives. Husbands can be shockingly selfish. No? Husbands can be shockingly self-centred and selfish. And this is the challenge, you say you love your wife but if that's true then it's going to be a love that drives you to give, a love that is sacrificial, a love that flows out to your spouse. Do you give any time to your wife? As a man, as a husband? Or does it all go to your work? I understand as the head of your home you are responsible before God to provide the needs of your family and that is right but some men become such workaholics that their wives hardly ever see them, their families hardly ever see them and that is not loving your wife, brethren. What about your hobbies? Do your hobbies take all of your time? And no time to pour some love and some attention into that dear wife that God has given you. You see, the love that God requires for us is a love like Christ's that is a sacrificial love, a giving love. it's also, as we consider Christ's love as the example to the husband, it is a sanctifying love. Look at the grand purposes that God had in mind when he loved the church and gave himself for it. Verse 36, you'll notice the word that coming through here, indicating those great and glorious purposes, that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. that he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.' Willie MacDonald says, Christ's love for the church is presented here in three majestic movements, extending from the past to the present to the future. And so, observe that as we think about Christ's love as a model for the husband. We notice that it took into account our past redemption. Our past redemption, verse 25, he gave himself. Christ's love is the fountainhead of all these blessings, so His love took into account our past redemption. Number two, our present sanctification, that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word. That's something that's going on in the present, isn't it? Now the church in its position before God is already sanctified but we understand the present aspect to our sanctification that God is doing something in His church now, what a wonderful thing it is to be saved and to be a part of the church and to be a part of this ongoing process of sanctification and purification. What is God doing, what is Christ doing in His church now? Well, He's sanctifying and cleansing, He's purifying His church and how does He do that? By the washing of water by the word. So the Word of God is the primary instrument of sanctification that Christ is using to beautify and to sanctify and to cleanse his church. John 17 verse 17, Jesus Christ prayed, sanctify them through thy truth, thy word is truth. And so sanctification, the primary instrument of sanctification in the Christian's life is found in the Word of God. That's why it's so important for you as a Christian to be a part of a local Bible believing preaching church where you're under the constant washing of the Word, how the Word of God has a way of filtering through our minds and in our hearts and how it has a way of purging out wrong thinking and impure thoughts and isn't it a wonderful thing to have that purging and that purifying work that Christ is doing going on in my life through the Word of God. But can't you see here an application as husbands? What is in view here? Well, the Apostle Paul is showing us something of the magnitude and of the awesomeness of Christ's love to challenge the husband that his love is to follow suit, that his love is to aspire to that great example. And if Christ cares about the spiritual needs of his church, may I ask you, husband, do you have any care and concern about the spiritual needs of your wife? Are you a part of that process, as it were, by God's grace being an instrument of sanctification in the life of your wife where you know the Word of God and you love the Word of God to the point where you can flow out and be a blessing and a spiritual help to your wife? This is a big part, this is a big challenge. because we have a dearth today of men like that. We have men all too often today who are just content to sort of just lag behind their wives spiritually. Now, may I just say, it is not a competition, is it? It's not a competition between husband and wife as to who is the most spiritual, but there's something wrong, dear brother, if your wife is more passionate about the Word of God than you are. If your wife is more passionate about church than you are, there's something desperately wrong with you. And if you are going to truly love as Christ loved, then you're going to take careful consideration and attention to the spiritual perfecting and beautifying of your wife, your spouse. That means you as a man need to know the Word of God and love the Word of God and be a man of the book. How many men today who are men of the book, not men of Facebook, but men of God's book. Not men who know more about the sports stars than they do about the great characters of the Bible. Some of you know more about the football stars than you know about the great men of faith in the Word of God. Some of you know more about your sports club than you know about your local church. You know more about what's going on in your favorite sports team than you do the local church. There's something wrong there, men. There's something wrong. Some men only show up for church because their wives push them to do so. Some men only show up for church because their wives drag them along or they have to come along. That is not the model that God has for the Christian home. You are supposed to be the head of your home. That means that you are responsible for the spiritual direction, the spiritual leadership of your wife and your family. And in order to love your wife as Christ loved the church, that involves taking a very keen interest in the spiritual sanctification of your wife. think that's a fair application, isn't it? After all, the love of the whole theme here primarily is that husbands are to love their wives and then we have this glorious example of Christ. How did Christ love the church? Well, He gave Himself sacrificially that He might then sanctify and perfect and beautify His church and so it should be for the husband, he should love his wife to where he flows out to her, not just in material things but in spiritual things also. Come on men, This is a great need. We need some men of God in our churches today because the church is only going to be as strong as the homes are. And if I've seen it once as a pastor, I've seen it too many times where you have a woman who loves God and loves the Word of God and wants to go places for the Lord, but the husband is a sap spiritually. disinterested in the things of God, doesn't read the Word of God, not really interested in church, that is shameful men and you're disobeying, you're in disobedience to the Word of God and to Jesus Christ Himself. You're a backslidden fool if you don't have no concern for the Word of God and no interest in being a spiritual man of God to love and to lead your family. So our Lord Jesus, his love took into account our past redemption. Our present sanctification, aren't you thankful for that? That Christ, in His grand purpose, took into account that He would sanctify you and change you and develop you as a Christian. But also, His love took into account our future glorification. So, our past redemption, our present sanctification, our future glorification. Can you see salvation, past, present, future there? All encompassing, all flowing out of the grand fountainhead of the love of Christ. that he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish.' That's the future, isn't it? Is the church without spot or wrinkle or any such thing at the moment? I know our church isn't. Why is that? Because you're here and I'm here. But what a glorious day, can you see the future? church flawless, the church faultless, not even a spot, a spot's just a tiny little speck isn't it, it's only a very small thing. We have here the church totally untainted by any sin, totally perfect in the presence of God. I don't know about you, I am looking forward to that day when we are in heaven as the glorified people of God with no spot, no wrinkle, holy without blemish, what a blessing that'll be. So we see love of Christ, this great illustration of love for the husband, it's a love that is a sacrificing love and a sanctifying love. Thirdly now, the application. Paul brings us back to that key thought or the key theme of husbands in relation to their wives. Verse 28, so, see that little word so? Okay, so can you see how Paul speaks about Christ as the great example and now he's going to bring it down and apply it to us men. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies he that loveth his wife loveth himself for no man ever yet hated his own flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it even as the Lord the church for we are members of his body of his flesh and of his bones.' So, Paul now applies this to us more specifically. We note there's a responsibility there, the responsibility to the husband, so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies.' It kind of tells you how much men love themselves, doesn't it? If the Lord says, well if you want to know how to love your wife, just love her as much as you love yourself. essentially, I'm not trying to be irreverent, that's what the Lord's saying, that's what the God's Word says here, you ought to love your wives as you love your own bodies. Why? Because no man hates his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it, it's a natural instinct for a man to take care of himself and to look after himself and may I just say again, this is one of the problems that I have seen, some men really do take very good care of themselves but not very good care of their wives. the husband is to give careful consideration to the needs of his wife just as he would for the needs of his own body. And Paul uses two words here that are taken essentially from the language of the nursery, okay? He uses the word nourisheth and he uses the word cherisheth. word nourisheth is the same word translated over in chapter 6 verse 4 as bring them up. Look at chapter 6 verse 4 of Ephesians there, it says and ye fathers provoke not your children to wrath but bring them up. That phrase bring them up is the word nourisheth, comes from the same word as the word translated nourisheth. So it's essentially a word that refers to the nurturing or the rearing of children. Now doesn't mean that as a husband you are condescending or patronising to your wife, nor does it mean that she is your child, okay, you don't spank your wife, all right. just in case you weren't sure about that one. Okay, she's not your child, men. She is your counterpart. She is your equal before the Lord. Yes, you have a position of authority. Okay, but understand what the word has in mind. It's a love that is nourishing, a love that is nurturing. It is a love that pays consideration to the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs of someone. You think about that in relation to your children, hopefully you give careful consideration to nurture them, to raise them, to consider their mental needs, their development, to consider their spiritual needs, to consider their physical needs. Don't you do that with your children? You clothe them, you feed them, there's that careful consideration and that concern to make sure the whole child, the spirit, soul and body is well cared for and attended to. And the Word of God says, men, you're to have that kind of nurturing love for your wife, just like you take care of your own body, you are to nurture, you are to give consideration to the needs of your wife. Do you consider her mental needs? Do you consider her emotional needs, men? I'm just not a very emotional man, yes you are, when it suits you. Spiritual needs, we can drum on that one again for a while, but I won't. Are you concerned? Do you care for the spiritual needs of your wife? Does it even cross your mind? Her physical needs? That's the kind of love we're talking about here. A love that nourishes, a love that nurtures, a love that pays careful consideration and attention to these things. Again, some men are very good at treating themselves to things. And when it comes to their hobbies, they can outlay thousands of dollars for their fishing and for their kayaking and for their skateboarding, probably not skateboarding, I don't know, whatever hobby you have. Golf. Hunting? Any more about Pasadena? You come and take over. Oh, but when it comes to the wife, you know, needing a new outfit, you can't afford that. Now I know I've started a joke about the review skirts, it's never going to go away I think, but I think I should contact them and ask them for some royalties or for free advertising, you know, all these Baptist men feeling guilty coming to buy skirts from you. But the purpose of that illustration was to make a point. That I've seen where some men can spend thousands of dollars on themselves, but have very little concern about their own spouse. That's wicked. That's disgusting. And whether you can afford a review skirt or not is not the point. You should pay some consideration and some concern to your wife's physical needs. Amen, ladies? Three people want new skirts. Yeah, my wife said mmm, so I'm sunk now, aren't I? Sometimes I share, anyway, I better not tell stories. Sometimes I share with my wife, you know, I've been studying for this message and she said to me this week, oh I like the sound of this, she said. Now I've got to try and apply it but anyway. Nourisheth. Cherisheth, that's actually the other word there, cherisheth. This word literally means to heat, it speaks of providing comfort to someone, to provide warmth to somebody. Paul uses the same word in 1 Thessalonians 2 verse 7 where he talks about the fact that he was gentle among the believers, the Thessalonian believers, as a quote, nurse cherisheth her children. So it's the same word. Warmth. Emotional warmth. Some men are very cold with their wives. Do you ever make her feel valued to you? Do you ever tell her you love her? Is something wrong if a week goes by and you don't express, at least verbally, your love to your wife? That's a cherishing, this is the kind of love that God wants from us as husbands, a cherishing love, a love that values. Do you value your wife? Do you treasure your wife? That's the whole picture here men, you should love her in that way where you treasure her and you prize her and you value her. How a woman needs to feel valued? She needs to know that she's number one in your heart and in your life. John Phillips writes, just as a man must take care of his body, a husband must see to his wife's comfort. He must protect her from harm, desire her well-being and pay close attention to the signals that she sends. Watch out for those signals. We men are really thick, to be honest, sometimes with getting the signals, just don't get it sometimes. She can, after all, make your life blissful or tormenting, he says. He needs to help her develop her potential, nourish her and cherish her. So maybe that's a slightly selfish motive, but if you want a blissful life, make sure you have a happy wife, okay? But you know the point there. I think wives are pretty good at working us men out, because we're not as sophisticated as we'd like to think. My mother has always said, warm wife and warm food and he's happy. oh I'm more sophisticated than that, no you're not, not really, not really. But wives are more fine-tuned emotionally and boy they're strange creatures, wonderful creatures but how hard it is to get our heads around the men. I was asking Brother Ferguson the other day, I suppose after, was it 40 years of marriage? 50? nearly 50 years of marriage, I suppose you get, you know, you just know each other so well and he said, oh, he said, he said, I still struggle a bit sometimes, Suzanne's got me covered, you know. But yeah, there you go, as men we do struggle sometimes, don't we, to get our heads around our wives. But I want to just draw your attention to another phrase here in verse 28, it says, so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. Notice this sentence here, he that loveth his wife loveth himself. That's interesting, isn't it? does that mean? How can loving my wife be equated to loving myself? Well, what the passage demonstrates very clearly is that God views the husband and wife as one unit, doesn't he? They too shall become one flesh and so it's essentially saying, men, your wife is a part of you, She's one with you, it's emphasising the oneness that husband and wife have, so that to love your wife is like loving yourself, because she's a part of you, she's intertwined with your life, it's the mystery of marriage that God has ordained, one plus one equals one. That's the mathematics of marriage, according to God's Word. One plus one equals one. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. So men, as we think about this practically speaking, we need to make time for our wives, don't we? Listen, listen, listen, and then listen again. Amen? The story goes that a husband read an article to his wife about how women use 30,000 words a day to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, that's because we have to repeat everything to men. To which the husband returned to his wife and replied, pardon, what did you say? That's humorous, isn't it? But it's kind of true. Do you know that it's actually even the brain chemistry? Women can process multiple auditory inputs at once. Okay, some studies show that a woman can process up to seven auditory inputs at once. How many of you men struggle with just one auditory input? Amen? I do. That's because the woman can, apparently she's got greater connections between the left and right hemispheres of her brain, both can, she's just, I mean, she can process, she's multi-tracked, multi-faceted. Okay, men can only generally deal with one thing at once. It's amazing, you see why God's made the woman that way. she can, within the home scene, she can be on the phone but she's monitoring what Charlie is doing over here. 1 Peter 3 verse 7 says this, It's pretty serious, isn't it? you as a husband want your prayers to be hindered? Well, your prayers will be hindered, it's going to affect your prayer life if you're not in right relationship to your wife. And we are exhorted here to dwell with our wives according to knowledge. Before I got married, Dad said, son, it's a lifetime study. We've got to study our wives, we have to seek to know them, understand how they tick, I remember when I was going out with Kate, actually, I went to farewell her outside after we'd had some time at my parents' place and, you know, saying those sweet goodbyes. And it was quite cold outside and she said, oh, you better go inside, don't stay, because, you know, you end up chatting outside by the car and she said, you better go inside now, you know, you need to go inside. I said, okay, I'll go inside. And she said, no, I didn't mean that. I'm thinking, You told me to go inside but then you told me you didn't actually mean that. Well, it's just, I don't know, sometimes yes means no and no means yes. Work it out. So you've got to study your wife, you've got to dwell with her according to knowledge men. Okay, don't switch off as a husband, try and nut it out. Try and understand your wife. Then we are to give honour under the wife as under the weaker vessel, aren't we? It means we do treat her with care, with gentleness and respect. Again, not condescendingly, we don't need to patronise our wives as if they're inferior to us or, you know, just so emotionally weak they can't handle anything. That's not the model there but we are to honour them as the weaker vessel. It's a reality. The woman is weaker physically, she's not as strong as the man and therefore she needs to be honoured. Chivalry is a good thing. I still believe in opening the door for the wife, okay? I don't always do it for the car, we do that occasionally because we usually travel in separate vehicles but I mean, you know, you see these guys and they just let the woman open the door for them. Now it can be hard sometimes in a feminist society. I heard of a pastor who was on the bus and he stood up for a woman when she came in to give her his seat and she swore at him. for trying to be a gentleman because she's, well, I'm equal to you, I don't need that sort of treatment. By the way, ladies, be accepting of your husband's attempts to show respect to you in that way. Don't see it as patronising, see it as God's model and God's ideal. So you need to remember that, men. You need to do the heavy lifting around the house. Yeah, you do. I despise men who let their women mow the grass for them. Now maybe I've just trod on some toes there, I don't know what happens to your house, I can't be accused of targeting anybody. You get out and mow the grass, amen? I remember I preached on that once in the early days of the church here, when I was here, sorry, and one husband admitted he said, I asked my wife the other day, look, would you mind spraying those weeds? I really feel terrible asking you after past this message, he said, but could you spray the weeds for me? Anyway, maybe he didn't get the point. Treat your wife with gentleness and with respect as the weaker vessel. any act of violence or abuse against a wife is unspeakably wicked as a man, it's unspeakably evil for you to use your greatest strength to inflict hurt or even to use your words to inflict pain and to inflict hurt to that dear woman God has given you, that is wicked. So we need to think about even the way we speak to our wives. Proverbs 16 24 says... Men, we can be rough at times. the way we speak to our wives. Now God has given us as men, I believe, certain masculine attributes to be able to work hard physically outside to do those things and there's nothing wrong with that but we have to be careful that we don't use those masculine attributes in a harsh manner with our wives. Cut her down with your words, tell her off in front of others, be respectful and honouring of her. Practically speaking, show an interest and concern for her physical needs. 1 Corinthians 7.33, we've touched on this already with the review skirt. But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. I don't believe that Paul is saying that's wrong, he's just stating a fact. you're going to get married then you have to give some consideration for material things, how you can please your wife, be a blessing to her. So we have the responsibility for husbands there to love their wives as they love their own bodies. Notice the representative here or the example of Christ is brought again into view, look at verse 29 there, for no man ever yet hated his own flesh but nourisheth and cherisheth it even as the Lord, you there? The church. So again, can you see how Christ's example is just woven throughout these exhortations? And we're brought back to it again and again. Husband, here's the command to love your wife, to care for her, as Christ. Look at Christ. You say, how do I love my wife? Look at Christ and try and emulate that with God's help. Christ is again brought into view as a supreme example of the husband to follow, even as the Lord the Church. And doesn't the Lord nurture and nourish His Church? Think about that, as our head, He ministers life to the body, direction to the body, think of all the tender care that the Lord puts into His Church. He redeemed the Church, Ephesians 1, 7 to 12, he sealed it. Chapter 1, 13 and 14, he empowered the church. Chapter 1, 19 to 23, he brought the church into one body. Chapter 2, verse 16, he filled it with God's fullness. Chapter 3, verse 19, he gifted it. Chapter 4, verse 7 to 16, and he loved and sanctified it. Chapter 5, verse 25 to 26, John Phillips writes, Nothing on earth or in heaven compares with it. He died to redeem it. He watches over it. His Holy Spirit is here to guide it and gladden it. At the Father's right hand, Christ is importunate on the church's behalf. He anticipates with delight the coming day when the church will be complete, when it will be like him forever, when it will reign with him over God's vast empires in space. As far as the Lord is concerned, nothing is too good for his beloved. The church is the love of his life, the centre of his thoughts and the object of his purposes. A man should view his wife in the same way. Why does the Lord nurture us in such a way? Well, verse 30 contains the answer, for we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. So can you see how there's an emphasis here upon the oneness of Christ with his church? We are welded into one body with Christ as the head and the Word of God gives us that parallel and that example of the husband and the wife who are also, in a very real sense, welded into one unit, one body, one flesh, with the headship of the husband. And so, because we are a part of his body, are united to Christ in such a powerful way, he therefore gives careful consideration to our needs, he nurtures us, he cherishes us, he comforts us, he works in our lives and in a similar way the husband needs to recognise that his wife has become a part of who he is, that they have been welded together in one unit, one flesh in marriage and therefore as her head he is also to love her in that way as Christ loves the church. Okay, number four, we need to move on here, the foundation. The foundation of all of this is found in verse 31 and 32, for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife and they too shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ and the Church. Now, the Apostle Paul, like the Lord Jesus Christ, lays the teaching of marriage here on the foundation of Genesis and this is a quotation from Genesis chapter 2 verse 24. And so we consider the origin of Christian marriage, the origin of Christian marriage. Christ also quoted this verse in his teaching on marriage in Matthew 19 verse 5 and Mark chapter 10 verse 7, pardon me, and it's interesting, isn't it, and significant that both Christ and the Apostles went all the way back to the earliest chapters of Genesis to establish their teaching on marriage. That tells me that a literal understanding of Genesis is very important. literal understanding of the first chapters of Genesis is absolutely foundational for Christian marriage and not only for Christian marriage but for a proper understanding in many ways of all other Christian doctrine. And so, as we consider this verse on marriage, I'll tie it back to the context and to the theme in a moment, but we notice some fundamentals of Christian marriage in this one verse. We have the foundation of the marriage relationship here. We notice, number one, that marriage is heterosexual. It is the coming together of a man and a woman. So basic. In fact, all the way through the passage here, we have reference to husband and we have reference to wife. Guess what those words essentially mean in the Greek? Man, woman. And guess what? Husband, the word for husband, anēr in the Greek, is never used to describe a woman and the word gūnē, which is the word for wife, is never used to describe a man. Why is that? Because a woman's not a man and a man's not a woman. Amen? God has created distinction there and in order to have a husband, you have to have a man to have a husband and in order to have a wife, you have to have a woman. So basic, I mean, 50, 60 years ago even, you wouldn't even have to state something so basic, but today people don't even seem to understand that. So marriage is the coming together, not of two individuals of the same gender, but it is the coming together of a man and a woman. Two people of the same gender coming together does not equal marriage, it cannot equal marriage, it's not marriage, it's an abomination. And to say that marriage is anything other than the union of a man and a woman is to do violence to the very etymology of the word marriage. Now take, for example, an old dictionary definition of marriage versus a modern one and notice the shift. Webster's 1828 definition of marriage says this, the act of uniting a man and woman for life wedlocked the legal union of a man and woman for life. what we agree with, don't we? Consider though, the modern Oxford Dictionary, which has to be politically correct, which now defines marriage as the legally or formally recognised union of two people as partners in a personal relationship. That's very different, isn't it? That's dishonest. That's not marriage. Marriage, by its very nature, is between a man and a woman. Second fundamental of marriage we learn from this verse is marriage is monogamous, is the coming together of one man and one woman, establishing a new family unit, so there's no polygamy here. Thirdly, marriage is permanent, the two become one, that we see that they are joined together. The word join means to glue or cement together. that's the origin of Christian marriage. Consider then the objective of Christian marriage, what was the grand purpose and design in God instituting marriage? Verse 32, this is a great mystery but I speak concerning Christ and the church. That's why, by the way, it is a very serious thing to say that two men equal marriage or two women equal marriage, that is distorting God's picture. God intended the relationship of husband and wife to in some manner reflect that grand and glorious relationship that Christ enjoys with his ransom church which is his bride and to tamper with marriage breaks down that picture. Now, Those are fundamental points as it relates to marriage, but within the context and within the theme, why is it there? Well, the Apostle Paul is reinforcing the concept here that the husband is compelled to love his wife because they are one flesh. That's the theme. So he adds this quotation from Genesis to further reinforce that. He says, men, you've been united together with your wife, you share a oneness in marriage, you are to love her as your own body, because as the word of God says in Genesis, The two shall be joined together there and become one flesh. So that's the argument that he's presenting in the context there. Okay, lastly, number five, we notice the summation, verse 33. So in verse 33, we have a summation of the Apostle's teaching for husbands and wives. Nevertheless, let every one of you, in particular, so love his wife, even as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband. So the Apostle reviews and summarises now, in one verse, recaps the teaching that he has just given for the wife and for the husband. And he again summarises those duties. The husband's duty is to love his wife as himself. Notice that it says, every one of you. Can you see that? Nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself and the wife see that she reverence her husband. So there shouldn't be anyone who thinks, well this teaching doesn't apply to me as a married man or a married woman, I'm exempt from this. No, there are no exemptions. Let every one of you, Paul really applies it now to every individual in the church. every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself and the wife see that she reverence her husband. So the husband's duty, primary duty, distilled here and summarized, is to love his wife as himself. The wife's duty is to reverence her husband. Now that word reverence is the Greek word phobos which is the word fear you say, does that mean she's to have terror towards her husband, as in a sense of terror? Well I think in the context here of the husband loving his wife as Christ loved the church, it would exclude the idea of terror. not to be terrified of her husband. That's why the King James translators very rightly chose the word reverence which is a stronger word than respect even. Okay, some say well that just means respect, it's actually much stronger than that. The word reverence has the idea of a sense of awe so yes it's respect but with it a sense of awe and admiration. And really men, in many ways, we have to earn that if we behave as Christ would, if we love our wives as Christ loved the Church, if we take to heart these admonitions, we can earn this type of reverence from our wives where they not only respect us because of our position but they have a sense of awe because you are a man of God who is worthy of her devotion, submission and respect. So, Spirit-filled marriage, a spirit-filled wife, a spirit-filled husband is essential for marriage. But men this morning, how's your love going for your wife? Are you a spiritual leader? Do you have any concern for her spiritual well-being, her physical well-being, her mental well-being? Do you show any concern? Or are you just a disengaged husband? You come home and you're switched off. Hello, honey, how are you? Not well, thanks. Okay. You're going to sit in front of the playstation? No, no, no. Don't be a disengaged husband. It's hard, isn't it? I understand, as men, we come home, we're tired and we just want to zone out. But don't zone out when you get home, zone in. Amen? Zone in, it's zone in time. Get in the habit when you roll in the driveway, start praying. Lord, help me. I'm about to walk through the door. Help me, Lord. Amen? I pray that very often. And you say, why is that? Well, because I need it, okay, and it's a challenge. In fact, marriage and the family would have to be possibly one of the greatest challenges of the Christian life, really. It's where the rubber meets the road, it's where the fabric of our spirituality gets tested to the nth degree. And the only way it's going to work, men and women, is if we know something of the filling of the Spirit of God in our lives. Lord, fill me now that I might be the husband I need to be. Lord, fill me that I might be the wife I need to be. And together we can work to see marriages and homes that are glorifying to the Lord. So let's bow for prayer. As we close, husbands, maybe the Lord has dealt with you about something this morning and would you yield to the Lord, whatever that is. Maybe you've been disengaged as a spiritual leader. Maybe you haven't really been showing a tenderness towards your wife or concern for her well-being. It's so important that you just yield to the Lord in whatever he has challenged you about this morning and deal with those things. Lord, we thank you for your word this morning. Lord, help us to be the husbands you'd have us to be. We pray for young men who are not yet married that they might take to heart these truths even before they're married, that they might understand their role as they go into marriage and for our single ladies too, Lord, that they would not have the idea that these messages don't apply to them because they're single but that they might adopt a biblical mindset for marriage before they enter marriage, Lord. And so we just pray that you would work. We pray for those who have unsaved spouses, Lord, and just the tremendous challenge that is for them to show Christlike love towards a difficult spouse who doesn't share the same salvation at this time. Be with them and help them with their unique challenges as well, we pray in Jesus' name, Amen.