How to build a 3D marriage. I trust that tonight if folks did not drive into church that they're tuned in and are listening to the radio station. Now this message is important for everyone, of course, of us who are here and also those who perhaps are listening by radio. Let's talk about the family for just a little while. At one time, the typical family consisted of a husband, who worked and a wife who was a full-time mom and two kids. That was kind of like the perfect family. Is that kind of family becoming an endangered species? Well, six out of 10 children, they say, under the age of 18, at one point will live in a single parent family. This is the age, I think we would say today, of the absentee or part-time dads. Because single moms head, now get this stat that they've given, nine out of 10 single parent families are headed by moms. Wow. Dr. Nick Stinnett, chairman of the Department of Human Development and Family at the University of Nebraska at Lincoln, undertook a study several years ago, and he interviewed 3,000 very strong families. Single-parent families, black families, white families, ethnic families. He interviewed all these. And the project was not limited, however, to just Christians either. It was everyone who had strong families. And Dr. Stinnett found good families share, I want you to get this down, six common qualities. I want you to look at these. They're gonna be on the screen. The family members, number one, are committed to the family. Now here's what Dr. Stinnett found out. Now he's the, chairman of the Department of Human Development and Family at the University of Nebraska at Lincoln. And he said this, these strong families have something in common, six different things. Number one, the families are committed to the family. Number two, they spend time together. Now they're committed to the family, and number two, they literally spend time together. Number three, they have good family communication. Good family communication. Number four, it's easy for them to express appreciation to each other. Now these are very important six things that he found out that make for good families. Number five, they have a spiritual commitment. Oh, these are kind of interesting, aren't they? Number six, they are able to solve problems in a crisis. If you go back and look at those one more time, the family members that Dr. Stinnett found that were good families and they had six common qualities in every one of those families. And number one, again, they were committed to the family. Number two, they spend time together. Number three, they have good family Communication. Number four, they express appreciation to each other. And number five, have a spiritual commitment. And number six, are able to solve problems in a crisis. I trust you got those down as best you could in that short time. We need to know about these things. I want to be talking tonight about some of these factors. And the next few services, in fact, about some of these factors I just mentioned, which actually contribute to strengthening families. All families begin with a husband and a wife. I need to hear many more amens because I do not believe that a family begins with two wives or two husbands. I believe, I make a statement one more time, just as strong as I can make it. I believe that all families, those that are families, begin with one husband and one wife. So today I want to address marriage. You've heard that America has the leading divorce rate in the world. Did you also know that we lead the world in marriage, the marriage rate as well? We don't hear much of that. Americans, honestly, Americans really do believe in marriage. Ninety-six percent of all Americans will be married at some time. Marriage is an important institution in our country. Now, God has a lot to say about marriage, and it's all throughout this Bible. And as soon as I told you we're going to look at the book of Malachi chapter two, you're thinking, oh, that's the tithing book. That's the money book. It's also the book about marriage. weddings and getting together. And we find this down again in chapter two, verse number 13, and I won't take the time to read all of those again, but you need to look at that passage of scripture and dissect and see what it's really saying. In Malachi, we find a series of complaints that God brings against sinful human behavior. He addresses marriage and His words are true and they ring out even true today. Good marriages don't happen accidentally. Can somebody say amen right there? A good marriage does not happen accidentally. Just because you have a marriage license doesn't mean you're going to have a good marriage anymore than having a fishing license thinks that you're going to have a good day of fishing and catch a bunch of fish. Ladies and gentlemen, it just gives you the legal right to go fishing, but you may have a fishing license all year long and never catch one fish. Just because you have a marriage license doesn't mean you're going to have a super duper marriage. I'm telling you, marriage has to be worked at. If you haven't found that out to be true yet, you will find it out. And some of us have found it out because we've been married a time or two. We know that marriage is tough. It has to be worked on or you'll never make it. Before I share this message, I must give you a statement. I want you to understand what I'm going to say. I am not, I do not claim to be an expert on marriage. I am not the expert. I don't even consider myself to be a really good husband. I'm constantly trying to improve. Really, we are. However, I can say that outside of my relationship with the Lord Jesus, the next greatest relationship that I work the hardest on is my marriage. I want it to be right with Rebecca. I want it to be right. However, I can say that it takes a lot of hard work. I will say this. That's the most important thing I've worked on in my whole life, is my marriage. Our anniversary is coming up in July. Can you believe it? Rebecca and I will be married 45 years. I don't even look 40. But I hope that laughter was, we agree preacher. We will have been married 45 years, July the 10th. Now, we have a strange and wonderful relationship. I'm strange and she's wonderful. We've never had an argument. But we have had some serious discussions. I made our neighbors next door call to see if everything was okay. I'm kidding. I'm far from the perfect husband, though. I'm not the perfect husband. Once when I did something stupid, Rebecca wrote me a note and said, Dear Jim, I hate you. Love, Rebecca. So I'm not an expert on marriage, but I'm trying to learn how to be a better husband every day of my life. Fellows, you need to learn how that you can work at being a better husband every day of your life. Wives, you need to work at being a better wife and learn how to do that every day of your life. This message is entitled tonight, How to Build a 3D Marriage. If you wanna build a better marriage, I'm gonna give you three things tonight you can do. And they all start with D. We only have three of them, so it won't take me that long. That's why I call it the 3D marriage. Number one, dialogue daily. Dialogue daily. It's important for you and your spouse to spend quality time talking every day. Good communication is the mark of, honestly, a healthy marriage. A breakdown of communication will cause problems. I heard a very funny story about a couple who was having communication problems. And so the husband was giving the wife, guys like we do a lot, the silent treatment. I'm just not gonna talk to you anymore, he said. And so he shut up. And he didn't say another word for a few days. And she joined in the game. She thought, well, if he can do that, I can do the same thing. And so she didn't say nothing. It was one quiet house. Nobody was saying anything to anybody. And so they spent several days without speaking to each other, and the husband was leaving one morning on a business trip. He was going to fly to the West Coast, and so he had to leave really early. And so he didn't want to be the one to have to break the silence, and he didn't want to have to be the one that said, I'm sorry, and all that sort of thing. So instead of doing anything else, he thought, well, I'll leave my wife a note beside where she sleeps, and I'll put that I have a very early flight to catch, and please make sure I'm up by 5 a.m. He didn't want to be the first to say, I'm sorry, and end the silence, so he wrote that note to that wife, wake me up at five to catch a flight. Well, when he awoke the next morning, it was eight o'clock in the morning. He woke up. He had missed his flight. He had missed his business meeting. He was literally furious. How in the world could that woman, I mean, I know we've been fighting, I know it's quiet now, but how could she have done that to me? And he thought, well, I'm gonna go right into her room where she's at, and I'm gonna just, I'm gonna give it to her. But as he woke up and passed his little stand, he happened to notice a little note. It's 5 a.m., wake up. Now that's what I call breakdown of communication. Here's how to improve marital relationships and communication. Number one, designate a talking time and place. Under Dialogue Daily, number one, designate a talking time and place. One of the biggest obstacles to good communication is not finding time to talk. You'll never find time to talk, by the way. You know why? Because you have to create the time. Really, I think one of our favorite times is probably at the supper table. You're eating supper together, and that's one of the things I suggest that couples do, is they eat together. Don't eat in shifts, eat together. And so I wait till my wife gets home before I do any eating, and she doesn't get, she leaves at a quarter to seven in the morning, they get home at a quarter to six at night. It makes a long day, and so she comes home at quarter till, ten till six, gone the whole day. And I wait till she gets there, and then we have supper together. And that's the time for talk. It's a good time to find out about each other, about each other's day, and talk about a variety of subjects. It's our talking place. In fact, we kind of like to watch the news together as we talk. and just kind of sit and eat and talk and watch the news. That's just our thing. We've moved the table to where we can sit and watch the news. We have to have the table so we can see the news. We can't have it where we can't see it. We don't want to just hear it. We want to hear it and see it. So we discovered just the other day that we could move the table. And so we did. So both of us could sit there and watch the news and talk to each other and complain about the society that we live in. And isn't that awful? I'm tired. That's a conversation you have, sort of, plus other stuff. Stuart Briscoe said, good communication is hard work, especially for men because we are conversationally challenged. Dr. Briscoe says the hardest statements to make in marriage are, I was wrong, I'm sorry, I don't know, I need help. He said, if you use those four statements regularly with your mate, then you are effectively communicating with your spouse. Ogden Nash wrote a little poem about marriage. Have you ever heard this poem? He said this, to keep your marriage brimming with love in your loving cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it. Whenever you're right, shut up. That's probably a good way to do it, I suppose. Another tip, be creative in your conversation topics. If you aren't careful, your marriage communication can become boring and stale. If you ask the same questions and talk about the same topics all the time over and over again, I'm telling you, your communication will suffer eventually. If you only talk about things like, what do you want for supper? I don't know, what do you want? You do that every single night. You know you'll do that every single night. What do you want for supper? I don't know, what do you want? Well, what did we have last night? Well, I can't remember, what did we have? Well, I don't know. Well, what about macaroni and cheese if you're at the Miller's household? That's all Sue knows how to cook, is macaroni and cheese. But Denny told me, Denny, I don't know if that's still right or not, but okay, he says it's still right. It's still going on. But then you say, well, what's on TV? I don't know, probably news like always. That gets old after a while. You'll soon grow weary and bored with your conversations. The key is to keep the dialogue fresh and innovative. Your goal in marriage dialogue should be that of what says in Ephesians 4.29. Let's get our Bibles and let's go to Ephesians 4.29. Notice the phrasing that God uses here. Come on, everybody. Our goal in marriage dialogue is to have communication that proceeds out of my mouth, which is good and is useful for edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. This is so very important. Use words to build up your marriage, build up your mate. Don't tear him down and don't tear her down. A key skill in marriage communication is the ability to be honestly a good listener. So many times we have a dialogue with our mate and we aren't even really listening. We're just waiting for a time where she pauses or stops for a breath, and then we can get in there and say something. That's not how communication should be. just waiting for your time. You know, sometimes we'll share frustration or problems, and that's all we share. We just don't seem to be concerned to have understanding. Don't try to play Mr. Fix-It, fellas, all the time. Just listen and empathize with your wife. You know, she wants your arms probably more than she wants your mouth, to be honest. A typical conversation sounds a little bit like I've asked Christina, Christine, and Brian to do tonight. So they're going to come and they're going to show you kind of like a regular kind of conversation between a husband and wife. And I'll guarantee you, as I wrote this little thing for them, you'll say, hey, that's what's happening to us. Let's take a listen, just a moment. We had a terrible day at work today. You say that all the time. Why don't you just quit? I didn't say I wanted to quit. I just said I had a terrible day at work today. Well, why did you ask my opinion for in the first place? I didn't ask your opinion in the first place. I'm just making a statement. I had a terrible day at work today. Women. Sure, hard to figure out. Well, that's about how it goes, isn't it? Can you speak to me? That's about how it goes, isn't it? We just can't have meaningful conversation. It's always something that's frustrating, or I'm gonna try to fix something, or we just can't talk properly. Ephesians 4.29 says to build up your mate with words. A good way to do that is to constantly, guys, compliment your mate. Actively, ladies, look for ways to express admiration to your mate. We all want to receive compliments, but in marriage it's more blessed to give than it is to receive. We need to be able to give compliments all the time. Ladies, most of you realize that tough macho image of a man that you married projects just a facade. He's not as tough as he acts, is he? Underneath he's an insecure little boy, isn't he? And he has to have what you call his ego stroked all the time. Am I right or wrong here? Ladies, if I can hear a good little amen right there. It's easy for wives to become hypocritical, especially since you are into noticing details more than men. Your husband may really not even notice those dirty socks that he leaves on the floor. He honestly maybe doesn't notice that he actually does that. You say, but you do it every day. Well, I know, but I didn't realize. I left them today. I thought, really, I picked them up. And you notice all those little details. And you think he put them there just to make you mad. That's not so. Ladies, look for the positive things about your husband. Constantly reinforce those qualities. And don't be like the wife who said to her husband, I married you for your brains. It's the little things in life, you know, that count. That's something you probably shouldn't say. Guys, your wife wants to hear sweet talk from you. Have you ever noticed how guys greet each other? Like this on a golf course, guys say rude things to each other. Things like, hey, hello ugly. Who let you out of the sewer? Getting ready to golf, you know. And the guy says, How's it going, dirtbag? I'm gonna whip you good today. Now guys talk like that stuff. But guys, that's not a good way to talk to your wife. But sometimes we do that stuff. We say things like that to our wives that we should never say. You know, guys are gonna have a good game of golf, and they'll talk about, I call Ronnie Messer. Hey, mess him up, hit that ball bad again, would you please? You did such a good job messing that ball up, mess it up again so I can whip ya. We talk all kinds of silly stuff to guys, but fellas, you shouldn't go home and say, well, you messed this house up again today, didn't you? Don't do that kind of stuff. Have meaningful conversation. Women love to hear sweet words. That's why sometimes you'll find a beautiful woman. I have never figured this out. The only way I can figure it out, have you ever seen this? Here's this gorgeous knockout gal married to this ugly old guy. And you think to yourself, how in the world could that gorgeous girl get such an ugly guy? He is ugly. U-G-L-Y. You ain't got no alibi. You ugly. He ugly. He's this beautiful, beautiful girl. I know why. He has learned the secret how to speak sweet words to that woman. And that's what won her. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm telling you guys, women like sweet words. Not rough words, not sharp words. The first D is to dialogue daily. Next, number two, if you want to build a healthy 3D marriage, you must date regularly. Date regularly. When you first met your future spouse, you probably went on what we call dates. The main purpose of a date is to spend time with each other, right? Is that right, everybody? When you went on a date, was it to spend time with each other? Now, you're not really getting into this thing like I really want you to. You need to be saying, hey man, that's right, preacher. You scared or something tonight? What's the deal? Remember how you held each other's hands on a date when you were courting? You anticipate the date with excitement, you dressed up nice, put in your best behavior. That's the same way you ought to do after you get married. Have a date night. Before you were married, dating was fun. Marriage ought to keep that fun stuff up. Look at Proverbs chapter five, verse 18 and 19. Let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe. Let her breast satisfy thee at all times. Be thou ravished always with her love. Now that's a couple of good dating tips so far. But get this, under date regularly, number one, schedule it. Don't give your mate your leftovers. Look at number one, schedule it. Don't give your mate your leftovers. That's what the word date literally means. It's a day and a time on your schedule where you both have agreed to get together for some personal time. If you don't put your dates down on the calendar, guess what? Or in your Palm Pilot in these days or on your computer or whatever you have anymore. You'll have everything else filling up your time that you don't have any time at all to be with your girl, or your wife, or your husband. I believe you should try to go out at least once a week. My wife and I set that down some years ago. We try to go out every single week, once a week, somewhere. And you don't have to spend lots of money. People say, yeah, but preacher, I haven't got the kind of money you have. You kidding me? My wife and I, first of all, we didn't have any money. We still had date nights. Doesn't take much to drive up to the lake and just watch the water come into the shore. You say, oh brother, what kind of deal is that? It's fun. Now when you were dating her, you probably really enjoyed that. But now that you're married, you don't think that's fun anymore. It's still fun. Somebody needs to say amen. I'm trying to get you to say something, you know, please. Help me out. You know, Maybe you don't like to go by the lake, so maybe you go bowling. That might be a good thing. Go on a date night and take her bowling. Go to your favorite restaurant. All by yourself, candlelight. Someplace secluded, beautiful. Maybe go on a bike ride. Guys, I know you don't like bike rides. Maybe a bike ride would be fun. Maybe a hike. Go to the quarry, Castalia. Go skiing. I don't like to ski either, but I go. You know why? Because my little lady loves it. I'm probably going to go tomorrow night, so if something happens between tonight and Sunday, and I broke something, it's probably because I went skiing. I told her I'd go skiing with her tomorrow night, if that's what she wants to do, I'll do it. Because it did snow quite a bit. I like it when it snows. I hate it when it's ice. Go away together. Number two, don't always take the children. Go away together. Don't take the children. Oh, I know right away somebody's getting mad at me right now. Somebody listening on the radio says, I don't like what he just said. I'm taking my kids wherever I go. Sorry about your luck. You need sometime away from your children. Nothing wrong with that at all. Now don't get me wrong, family vacations are very important, time with your family is very important, and I'll take as many of those as you possibly can. However, it's also important for husbands and wives to go away together, just the two of them, for a few hours, or maybe even overnight someplace, would be fun. One of the biggest problems when you get 40 or 50 years of age is something happens. Your kids get all grown up and they're gone, and you look at your mate, and you finally say, who in the world are you? You know why you do that? Because you spent so much time with the kids. I've seen marriages literally wrecked because parents spend too much time with their children. And I've heard moms say, and this is wrong, I've heard moms say, I live only for my kids. That's wrong. I've heard daddies say, I only live for my kids. That's wrong. That's terribly wrong. It's not even biblical. If you get to be 40, 50 years of age some point in time, you're gonna say, who in the world did I marry anyway? Yeah, I've spent time with her for years. And you'll be exactly right. What a sad situation. You poured your lives into your children, haven't taken time to cultivate your marriage and your relationship. It's scary how many divorces occur among couples after their children leave home. It is literally scary and getting worse when the kids all leave, then the folks divorce anyway. The very first institution that God created, I'm telling you folks, was marriage. Now listen to me, it was before children. It was before nations. It was even before the church. I think a relationship between husband and wife should be the most important human relationship on planet earth. Of course, you love your kids and you're supposed to, but you love them in a different way. But guys, your first love should not be to your children, should be to your wife. And moms, your first love and finest love and affection should be directed to your husband. And by the way, I made myself a little note here, and by no means don't ever be afraid to spend money to make memories. There was an older preacher who was dying, and he had saved for years, and he and his wife were going to travel. They had planned to travel. They were so excited about traveling. His son was now pastoring the church that he had used to pastor. But as he was dying, the preacher's son now came into him in the hospital, and the daddy was gonna give, the son said, like a little lecture, a dying lecture to his son. And the son listened. And the daddy said, you know, son, I had planned for literally years to take your mother and to travel all over this great country. He said, we put back money, we saved, we put back money, we didn't spend, we put back, put back, and we never went anywhere. Now I'm retired, and I guess I was mistaken. I miscalculated my life. He said this to his preacher boy son. He said, son, listen, take your family now. Don't do what dad has done. I cannot take your mother now. I'm dying. It won't be long. I'll be in heaven. And I'll never have the chance to take mama. like I had planned all these years. I thought about that story, Rich, as I thought about you and Janice and how proud and pleased I am to know you guys. How Rich takes his family and takes them on a trip and builds memories for those two boys that he took. He built memories for, I'm sure, Clark and Grant when they were younger. He built memories by paying for his mother-in-law to go to different places. I think that's wonderful. and oh how we need to take the time now when we can take the time. Do it now. We have no promise of tomorrow. Do it now. Build memories now. Don't wait till I'm gonna get a little older, till I retire. Somewhere down the road, do it now. One of the greatest memories of my life, and my daddy died in 2001. But I'll never forget the trip I was able to take them to. I always want to take them to Florida, to Orange Lake. I always want to take Mom and Dad to Orange Lake. And Mama never likes to fly. And Dad wasn't really crazy about it. But I said, Dad, I want you to go. Mom, I want you to go. You're not going to pay for a thing. I'm going to pay for everything. I've got it all planned. I've been saving for a year. Everything's in the bank. I got your plane tickets. I got all your food, the rental car, everything. Everything's mine. Dad said, you can't do that son. I said, I've already done it. It's already been planned. I've been planning for a year. I've been saving for over a year. It's done. They got on that plane and dad was proud as he could be. Get on that plane, going to Florida. Told everybody back home, I'm going to Florida. I'm going to Florida with my son. I'm going to Florida with my son. My mom, I'm going to Florida, but I'm scared to death. I'm scared to death. I'm scared to death if I fly. But I'm going to go with my son. He wants me to go. I'm scared to death. Oh, we had a good time. I mean the whole time down there. Mom wouldn't step a foot in water. She wouldn't get in any boat. But she enjoyed Florida, took him to Disneyland, took him to Disney World. Man, we had so much fun. I saw Daddy jump in the pool. Older man, could barely move in the water. That's a sweet memory for me. I said, Dad, how do you like the water? He said, man, I haven't done this, son, for years. This is great. Stayed down in the shallow end the whole time. That's perfectly fine. But what a time we had. What a memory it built. What a thing in my mind. I was able to do that. Then my mom and dad came back and talked to everybody all the time about all the trip we had in Florida. Oh, it was so hot. Oh, it was terribly hot, but it was fun. And I helped build that. Listen, I put down on my notes, don't ever be afraid to spend money to make memories. It's always been our goal to date, at least weekly, to enjoy vacations and maybe a trip, day trip or two-day trip. But don't let time slip away, folks. Schedule those times together. No matter how long you've been married, keep on dating your mate. The final and most important D is this one, devoted continually. Roman numeral three, or four, I guess it is, devoted continually. If you want to have a better marriage, you both must be devoted continually to each other. Marriage is a terminal relationship, not because it's gonna kill you, but because it's designed to be in effect until one of the partners dies. It's to be permanent relationship. We all know people who have terminated their marriage before the other partner died. They got what we call a divorce. Many of you who perhaps are listening by radio tonight, listen to me, have gone through the pain and the agony of divorce. Maybe some of you in this auditorium, the pain, the agony, the ugliness of divorce. I will say this, that people have said to me, preacher, my second marriage was better than my first. I've had people say that to me. And it wasn't but a two or three or four year span later, they were divorced again. Divorce, I don't care how you slice it, is ugly. It always is ugly. I've had people tell me it was God's will for me to get a divorce. I cringe inside every time I hear that. May I respectfully ask you, whoever you are, in whatever pain you have endured, please never, never say divorce is God's will. You can say it's tragic, you can say it's painful, you can say it's heartbreaking, you can say it's gut-wrenching, you can say it's dreadful, but never say it's God's will. People act as if God's will is some deep, dark mystery that you can never uncover or discern, but I disagree. You can discern God's will. You can know God's will. God only knows. God makes His plans and the information is available to any man, any woman who opens up God's word. God's will can be found through God's word. Yes, it can. God's will is clearly seen in His word. By the way, God cannot and will not and does not lie. So when He says something in His word, that is His will. So let's say you're considering a divorce. Pastor, how can I find God's will concerning my possible divorce? Well, let's start. Let's just start and let's just look at Malachi chapter two, verse 16. For the Lord, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away. For one coveth violence with his garment, saith the Lord of hosts. Therefore take heed to your spirit that you deal not treacherously. According to that verse, For the Lord God of Israel hateth putting away. That putting away is divorce. God hates divorce. Do you know what that says in the original language? God hates putting away. He hates divorce. In this passage God says marriage is a sacred covenant. In every one of my marriages I put together, I remind them it's not a contract, it's a covenant before Almighty God. Between a man and a woman, God is the witness of that covenant. A divorce happens when the covenant is violated and broken, and God hates that. But what about Jesus' words in Mark chapter 10, and verse number nine, what therefore God has joined together? Let not man put us under." It's not very popular these days to preach like this. In fact, not popular at all. But if you're going to continually maintain your devotion to your mate, you must do two things. Number one, get this one down, please. Keep your promise to your mate. Don't break faith. Three times in the passage, God warns about breaking faith. When you're married to your mate, you make a promise. What's it say? For better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish until death do us part. According to God's holy ordinance, and thereto I give thee my trust. Wow. You said that in front of God. I'm gonna stay with you whatever happens. And then you said, I promise. You made that promise to your mate in front of God and everyone. Look at verse 14. Yet you say, wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness, wow, between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously. See, it says in verse 14 that God was a witness to your covenant. For God, you have solemnly obligated to fulfill your promise, to stay with your mate, whatever happens. The only thing that will ever end your promise is the death of your mate. Rebecca and I don't even consider divorce. We said that when we first got married. We're gonna keep our promise to each other. If you ask Rebecca, she'd tell you tonight she doesn't consider divorce. She has considered murder a couple times, but never divorce. The word divorce is not in our vocabulary. We thought we should take that out of the dictionary. It's just not something we should be a part of. If you're married, I suggest you remove that word divorce yourself from your life. Don't even mention it as an option. Stay devoted to each other. You know, I've always said this. Old love is better than young love. You ever heard that song? Young love, first love. Devotion, you know. Young love, that first love is so sweet and special. That's with Rebecca. And now it has become old love. You see, number two, old love is the best love. Diedrich Bonhoeffer was arrested in World War II, died in a German concentration camp. He wrote the classic book, you maybe have read it, The Cost of Discipleship. In that letter to a young girl contemplating marriage, his words are very, very beautiful. He says this, I want to get it word for word. He said, is there anything more beautiful in life than a young couple clasping hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love?" Then he answers his own question, and he says, yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is the spectacle of an old man and an old woman finishing their journey together on the path, their hands gnarled with arthritis, but still clasped together. Their faces are seamed, but still radiant. Their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for each other. Yes, there's a more beautiful thing than young love. It's called old love. Let me say this to everybody tonight. It's not easy to stay married to the same person all your life. It's not easy. Sometimes it seems the easiest thing to do is just walk away. In fact, I wouldn't say it's hard to stay married all your life to the same person. I would say it's probably impossible, except God, except for God. You probably, if you're out west, you've seen some billboards. They're kind of great. DeMoss Foundation put these billboards up. Most of them are out west, not too many around here. Will the road you're on get you to my place? Signed, God. That's neat. I think that's the neatest billboard. Will the road that you're on get you to my place? Here's one about marriage. It says, I loved the wedding, now invite me to your marriage. God. That's good. I loved your wedding, but now invite me to your marriage. Signed, God. I love that. Good advice, isn't it? You've got to keep God in your marriage. Go with me to the book of Ruth, chapter 1, verse 16 and 17, please. Now, I know these words are spoken by Ruth to her mother-in-law, Naomi, but they're a powerful expression of the kind of devotion that really should be a part of our marriage relationship. And Ruth said, entreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee. For whither thou goest, I will go. And where thou lodgest, I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God. Without dyest will I die, and there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee in me." I know those words were spoken to a young lady, to her mother-in-law, but that's the kind of devotion every couple needs to have. That's the kind of commitment that gets heaven's attention. I'm done with this. Because you have a body, there's a physical dimension to your marriage. You've got to have affection and sex. Because you have a soul, there is an emotional dimension to your marriage. You've got to have talking and you've got to have sharing. Because there is a spiritual dimension to your life that cannot be ignored, the secret to maintaining a good marriage is to crown Jesus Christ as Lord of your marriage. individually as your Lord of your life, Lord over everything, and that I believe he will be the super glue that keeps it together. I doubt very much if Rebecca and James would still be together if it wasn't for the dedication that we one day put to God and said, God, you're first, and we'll put aside what we want so you can have what you want from us. You're first. And that commitment has kept us together almost 45 years. How to build a 3D marriage. Couples, here's our homework. If you haven't already done so, you ought to designate a talking place where you can meet your companion every single day. Guys, then plan some special dates for your wife. Guys, were you like me? When you were dating, did you already have the place picked out that you were going to take your date? I hope you didn't do like some people do today. You get in the car and, well, where do you want to go? The guy ought to already know where he wants to go. Here's where we're going. Now, on vacation, I'm going to start changing how I do things. Because on vacation, I've asked my little lady, sweetheart, where do you want to eat? It takes us an hour and a half to decide where to go. It's the truth. We don't know where to go. I think I'm going to just start picking a place out, even on vacation, saying, OK, here's where we're going tonight. Because David's paying. Amen. Fellas, plan some special outing. Remove the word divorce. Start praying together, serving together, working together for the Lord Jesus on a regular basis. Let's stand together, shall we? The three Ds of how to build a marriage. Anybody take notes enough that you know exactly what those three D's are? Can you help me out? Number one was what? Dialogue daily. What's that mean? That means communication. That means talking. Find a place where everybody can talk. Say, preacher, we've been married, like you, 40 years. We don't need all this. You need this worse. Sometimes the young guys need it. Dialogue daily. Number two? Date regularly. Date regularly. And the third D? Devoted continually. Well, if we could remember those three things and make our marriages better, our church will never be like it ought to be unless our marriages are right, if our families are right.