need to get started because we've got a lot of material to cover. Glad you all are here. So looking at the schedule, you see we're going to start now with how to change your husband. We're going to talk about that for 45, 50 minutes or so. Then we'll have a break. And then we'll just stay right here. about peacemaking women. So we will begin as we're collecting our thoughts. Get your Bibles out. Talk about the scripture. If people come in late, just don't look at them. Just pretend they're not walking in late. And I won't look at them either. We'll just, like, even if they come through this door. Yes, ma'am. Okay, so I'm going to pray and ask the Lord to bless us. Dear Father, I thank you so much that you have brought this group of women together this morning on a busy day. I thank you that your scripture addresses this issue of how to be a wife. or even if we look at it selfishly, how to change our husbands. But we're glad for the truth of your word, which goes deep into our hearts and changes us. So I pray for that now. And I pray for your blessings. It sits in Jesus' name. Amen. OK. So this is anti-cultural, this talk. It's got a hook for the title, How to Change Your Husband, but actually I'm going to talk to you about how to be a wife. Because, well, let me just start with Ephesians 5 and verse 22 is God's word to us as wives. It says, wives, submit to your own husband as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. That is our key passage. And we're following what the Bible says because the Lord wrote the instruction book for how to be a wife, right? So we've got all this holy knowledge out there and all these things that will work. But we're looking to the scripture for truth. Now you might want to say, OK, Caroline, sounds good. I have heard this before. But we're going to listen to it anyway, and we're going to get reinforced in truth. And some of you gals will be involved in other people's lives to help them to know truth. So that's why we're here. As you look at my outline, which I hope you see there, I'll give Jim credit for composing this acrostic. Can you see it? How do you submit to your husband? It's for Jesus' sake, for the Lord's sake. You see Roman numeral two starts with letter H. O. See that? The next Roman numeral is O. N-O-R-S. She honors him. Jim did that. He's actually going to talk to the men about it in his own acrostic. So we are thinking about how to hold fast to the role that the Lord gave us. That's the H. Because as I've already said, the world is saying one thing, and we're like weirdos, strange to believe in a role of support to husbands. Because that's super offensive, right? Woman, hear me roar. That's what we hear in culture, that's what we hear movies, songs. Some people would say, well, that's just demeaning to women, putting women down when you ask them to be supportive of the husbands. Martin Lloyd-Jones says, many people believe the Bible so long as it does not contradict what they happen to believe as creatures of this century. You know, when Martin Lloyd-Jones lived, things have deteriorated since his day. So we look at what God's instruction says. It says, I have created the wife to be a helper. Genesis 2.18. That's before the fall. That's sometimes, think about that. The role of the wife is given before Any sin entered into the world, so it's not a sinful role. As the Lord God said, it is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him, a companion to work alongside. Because marriage is not a democracy where you have one vote, then another vote. Whoever's the stronger or the louder person wins. God set it up with the leadership of the husband, godly support by the wife. And don't worry, I'm going to talk about twisted marriages where it doesn't work properly. But right now, hang with me about our role is to hold fast to what God says. So we know it's not an inferiority problem. It's not a role that's And this is why the world doesn't understand. Because they think, well, you're saying she's submissive or she's supportive? That sounds like what she does and says does not matter. Because the world has it wrong. The world doesn't understand Jesus who came to give of himself. But also, let's look at what the scripture says about that. In 1 Corinthians 11, this is such a powerful section in support of the fact that the role of the helper in the family is not a lesser role, because we see in the Trinity how it's expressed. I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of the wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. Now if we look about, think about the Trinity, do you see that one person of the Trinity is lesser than the other? No, that would be false theology. So instead we have the head of Christ is God. Does that mean Jesus is lesser, less important? But if Christ came in submission to the Father, he's still an equal, co-heir, like we're co-heirs in Christ. Jesus is as valued and as individual in nature of the Trinity. So we are as wives, too. We can be spiritually, we are spiritually equal to men and co-heirs in Christ, like I said. It's just established in order. We're all under some form of leadership. Even those wives who say, well, I'm not going to let him boss me around. Those women are in authority structures already. We have governmental authorities we have to obey. We have that built into our lives. And we can't just throw off all authority and still function as godly people, or as even rational people. Now, you've probably seen breakdown in government authority, haven't you? Out here, all over. But let's go back into what scripture says about how greatness is defined. And I love this section. I'm in Matthew 20. So the common knowledge, conventional wisdom says to be great you have to be in charge. That's the problem. That's the problem in the church. That's the problem with women not in spiritual authority. So Matthew 20 in verse 25, Jesus called them to him and said, You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their great ones exercise authority over them. Right? We all know that. We've seen that. 26, it shall not be so among you, but whoever would be great among you must be your servant. That flips the whole thing upside down. Jesus came as a servant to us. As I've said, we can serve husbands. And do you see what Jesus says about that? Those are the ones who are considered great. And I have met with so many women, and I've said to them, you know, nobody knows how you're functioning in your family except you and your husband and your children. But God sees. God sees. And he considers you one of his wonderful, beautiful saints. by your attitude. So let's get a glimpse of that. We know that Christianity elevates the woman. And I lived for so long in the Middle East. And if you want to see a culture that does not elevate women or a religion that puts women down, go out and live in the Middle East sometime, Muslim country, and you'll see what I'm saying. considers, like I said, we're all equal believers. We're all able to understand the word. We're all able to go to a conference like this and sit under teaching and grow. Women aren't the ones stuck in the kitchen working at home strictly, but they're out learning and growing. And I'm asking you women to get involved with one another to do this as well, to minister Because you have things to say. You have important truth to convey. Now, the submission concept doesn't mean that the man is going to be the dictator. He's never going to listen to you, which is what the world says submission means. We're actually contrarian. We're against the world. But we're also recognizing that true submission is a beautiful thing. And some of you have seen that in your families, right? Some of you have parents with a model of a mom who's supportive of the husband. Your dad, the husband listens to her, values her opinion, asks her advice. That's a gorgeous thing. And if you've seen that in action, praise God. Some of you live in marriages like that. And you can say, yeah, it's a beautiful thing as it's working And I want to encourage you. Others may not have seen it, but we're following the scripture. Now we know what to do. I've counseled some girls, single girls, who say, my boyfriend's great, but I don't think I could ever follow him as a leader. My answer is, you can't follow your boyfriend. his leadership, don't get married. Don't marry him. Marry men that we respect who are godly, wise leaders. And don't, okay, listen. I'm not saying all those bad things right now. I'm saying all the good things about how God set it up. It gets twisted, and I want to address that before we finish. So my O is obey your husband's leadership for Jesus' sake. back in Ephesians 5. And actually, as we're going through, we're going to look at all these different phrases in Ephesians 5. That's how we do good Bible study. Unpack it. So, look at the verse 22. says wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. So we're recognizing God's plan for the family and it's not because your husband is just so amazing and always perfect and never sinning, that's not mentioned in here. There's no PS, don't worry if your husband's not a good person. Just submit to your own husbands for the Lord's sake as unto the Lord. It's why a lot of women are trying hard in their marriage to be the godly wife because it's for the Lord that I'm doing it. So actually, I'm going to say my title of this talk, How to Change Your Husband, is actually how are you going to change yourself so that you can follow the Lord in this path. It also says submit to your own husband. That means not all the other guys out there. Some guys get kind of mixed up on that, and they try to boss all women around. But no, it says submit to your own husband. And as to the Lord, it says also that the truth of the fact that we have the church submitting to Christ, verse 24, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Just to mention what that does not mean, it does not mean that we are taking all, every single thing that we're supposed to do and decide, and putting it under our husbands. Jim was down meeting with the group downstairs and said, there's some guys who go out. He had a friend like this who would go with his wife to the grocery store and told her every single thing she should buy. She should not buy this, she should buy that. Submission to the Lord in everything. I mean, he probably took that too far. What do you think? Yes. OK, Hardy. All right, but submitting and everything does mean that I'm not going to have this little separate part of my life that my husband is not in charge of. And you know where it really shows up is how we spend money. And you might say, well, I can go buy shoes as much as I want, and he doesn't have to know, or I'm going to hide what I'm purchasing from him. So there we've got a misunderstanding submission. It's got to be unto the Lord, and it's got to be comprehensive in terms of, yeah, I'm an open book. I'm not going to hide things from my husband. A wise woman also thinks, I'm submitting not just to everything he tells me to do, but what I know he wants me to do. Now, how's that? I'll give you Romans 12.10 as an example. And it's all going back to what does the Bible say about how we are to act. Romans 12.10 says, well, 9. Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil. Hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." So do you think a husband is really glad every time the wife says, yes, honey, if you tell me specifically what to do, I will do it. But if you're not telling me what to do, I'm free to do anything. But that's not true submission, and it's not true love to say, OK, I'm a free person as long as you don't tell me not to do something. We're anticipating needs. We're being like Christ. And you might be the wife who says, now something has come up, and I need to make a decision. How do you think I should handle this? If you're married to a Christian man, he will have wisdom, and he'll say his opinion. You're making your decision, but you're respecting him. There's mutual respect there. But I've had so many young girls. I had a call last week. The girl goes, well, my husband wants to move, but I don't think I want to move. And she's like, we're married. And I'm going, you know, it's not submission if you get your way every time. That was like light bulbs. Oh, really? She's a godly young girl, but she didn't think about submission as following when you're not agreeing. I mean, what is it otherwise? It's not submission to a husband's leadership if you get your way every time. I'm sure that they're going to do the right thing, I reassure her. Your husband loves you. He wants your opinion. He doesn't want to drag you to another place without hearing what you think about it. So they have a godly marriage and I'm so thankful for that. But the only way we could actually submit in this comprehensive way is because we're following God and we're trusting our husband's leadership. 1 Peter 3 mentions what it's like to be a godly husband, I mean a godly wife, and it says here in verse 6, Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, and you are her children. If you do good, do not fear anything that is frightening. I love this verse because it's obvious there are things that are frightening. But what we do, we do not fear. It's based on trusting God to lead through my husband. And I'm going to do good. So our attitude is important, just like our actions. Because we all know we have kids. We have toddlers who obey, but are angry on the inside. You know what I'm talking about, right? Yes, I'll do that. But they're just absolutely furious. And the wife can do the same thing. Okay, I'll submit. No, I'm mad about it. So now we're talking about what's the heart? Where's the trust in the Lord in this situation? And we have to do things to follow the Lord because that's where we're blessed. And I'll just tell you. Proverbs 14.1, which is one of my favorite verses in terms of this relationship in the home. The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down. So the wife has so much power in the family to either build her house or to tear it down with her own hands. Can you picture that? Such a graphic picture, and I've said to women, You know what, when you're talking like that, it sounds to me like you're just pulling the windows out of your house, and you're ripping the roof off your house, and you're tearing the door off the front of your house. Your words are damaging. It's like ripping up your happy home. So that's Proverbs 14.1. Don't forget it. So powerful. And we forget even our words have this impact to tear down or to build up. And I'm not saying we tolerate bad behavior on the part of our husbands, and we don't. not hear me say that, please hear it, because I'm going to deal with it later, but I'm setting up the principle now. How we speak in our homes, how we submit to our husbands is super important. It's important in terms of scripture, but God is watching. God knows. The Lord knows. And the culture, you know what the culture does? It makes fun of men. It's fun of leadership. Every time you watch an advertisement and the guy is a stupid one, right? Wife, she's got it all together. She's going to lead the family everywhere. So we don't do that. We don't rub it in when our husband makes a mistake, for example. You don't say everything you're thinking. But submission is actually trusting God, OK? It's going anti-culture. It's going towards the Lord's teaching. So Proverbs 3, 5 through 6, this verse, I'm still going to look it up. It says, trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths. Do you think the Bible teaches Best way? Yes. Our job is to figure out what the Bible is teaching. That's why we're here. So, letter N is we're going to notice how we can do good for our husbands. Again, that's back to Romans 12.10. Serve one another by anticipating what a husband needs. Because you have been given to one another to complete one another. Some of us think sometimes, oh, he's got too many scratchy places. I don't know. It's rubbing up against me. But if you think about God as the designer to bring people together, yes, it's perfect completion to one another. You're companions. You help your husband sexually. You help him in all these other ways if he's weak or clueless. Sometimes wives are really able to help their husbands in social situations. Some wives balance the checkbook because he gets it wrong all the time and he's always getting those numbers mixed up. Okay, be careful. Some of us will do that to help our husband. We're going to help him succeed in ministry or in work. And a lot of wives enjoy coming alongside their husbands, even giving advice on office politics. Maybe you don't know anything about the office politics, but hey, you do know something about how people work. Always be a help to your husband in that way. And use your influence for good. Some of you might have influenced your husbands to come to this conference. Honey, guess what? We're in a conference. We're going to go. So there's, again, a wife who's using her godly influence on her husband for good to build him up and help him. You can advise him on scripture. Do you think that's true? Do you think that goes against what I've just said? No. Proverbs 31, 26. I love this verse. Strength and dignity are her clothing. This is Proverbs 31. She laughs at the time to come. 26, she opens her mouth with wisdom. The teaching of kindness is on her tongue. Do you think she's excluded from opening her mouth about spiritual wisdom? No, it doesn't say that. She opens her mouth with wisdom. The teaching of kindness is on her tongue. that's what we do, to be a help to our husbands. And we might have to have a role of restoring him if he strays away from the Lord, which again we'll talk about at the very end. And by helping him, you pray for him. Do you all pray for your husbands? We don't need to raise hands because I don't want anybody to be embarrassed. But yes, now I'm convinced prayer is a big thing I can do for my husband. Let me forget about that. probably such a solid church that you guys don't need teaching on that. But in case we forgot, prayer is like the most powerful thing we can do because it's bringing the Holy Spirit into our marriage and making ourselves available to follow his leading. So let's go for O, organize your life around your responsibilities at And here I am in Titus 2. And you guys probably know Titus 2 backwards and forwards. But I'm still going to read it. Titus 2 speaks of the role of the woman in the church. And it says, older women, verse 3, likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to do what? Teach what is good for. And so train the young women to love their husbands. Sometimes young women need to be trained to love their husbands. What a good job we have to help young women love their husbands. It's not automatic, girls, those of you who've been married for a while know that. But then it says, love your children. Some of us need to be trained how to love our children. Okay, that's a big role of the older woman in the church. And it says to be self-controlled, you need training to be self-controlled and pure, working at home, kind and submissive to their own husbands, there it is again. And why is this so important? It says in the end of verse five that the word of God may not be reviled. So we've come to this marriage conference Get training that the word of God may not be reviled. I mean, that's huge. Am I talking about how to make life easier, how to keep you happy? Those are the side benefits. But the main purpose is that the word of God may not be reviled as we live our lives in our marriages. So we are going to try to do that. We have to learn. And the thing about working at home is just in terms of priorities. So as we're married women, some of us can be drawn into careers. Some of us can be drawn into social work, serving the church, serving the community, and neglecting home. So just a few words about that. Home is the most important thing in terms here that we can do to serve our families. And you probably are convinced, but let me just say for those women who are working at home, perhaps homeschooling, raising little kids, it's not like a lesser job of lesser importance in the church. It is enormous. And culture doesn't value that either. Well, what do you do? Okay, so I'm asked that question. And when I was raising my children, what do I do? Well, some women will say, I'm just a housewife. I'm serving the Lord by serving all these little people in my family, serving my husband. This is my priority. And I have counseled so many women who have got things mixed up. And sometimes even church is over there above family. Or my job. Or my parents. Okay, fill in the blank. I'm saying right here that God says, the word of God is not going to be reviled when we get our priorities correct. Doesn't mean you can't work. Did I say you can't work? Did I say that? No. We have women in the Bible as examples of those who worked, brought in income. Each one is under the husband's leadership, right? It's not self-fulfillment. It's serving husband, family first, and then some of us have time to do the rest. So what some of us are in the position like, now my kids are gone, what do I do? 10 conferences of marriage. But you have a calling now. You see it in Titus 2 to go out and teach what is good. If any of you know Martha Peace, she made the statement once that you know who the ones are out volunteering in the community and actually running in half marathons? It's mostly women. Kids are grown. I was like, well, now I have me time, time for myself. I did that hard job, and I'm out doing what I feel like now. But we're talking priorities in this talk right now. We're talking about following the Lord in service, in our family, and then into our church. So we can do those things. Some of us may decide to get training and counseling. I ended up going to seminary when I was 58, which was so dramatic. But the reason was, I want to be able to teach. I want to be able to have things to say. And I want to have knowledge about scripture. So let's do that. But the R in our talk is now the, we're getting to the heavy stuff. The R is to restore your husbands. and they stray from the Lord. So some of us are married to men who are not obedient to the Word. And you know, I'm glad for 1 Peter 3, because there's an admission that there are men out there who aren't following the Lord, and here it is, what it says to the women. The Bible is so honest, real. It says in 1 Peter 3, likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives. When they see your respectful and pure conduct, so there again is attitude, it's expressed right there. What's our attitude? Does that mean we never say anything? No. We have the whole counsel of the word. So we have this section that talks about our attitude, and within this section it talks about, in verse 4, let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is So now we're thinking, what does God value? He values my attitude, my approach towards my husband. Verse 5, for this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves. Those holy women, how are they described? They hoped in God. God is not outside the picture in this kind of a marriage. She's linked to the Lord and hopes in him. And then I already read verse 6, Sarah's children, if you do good and do not fear anything, that is frightening. What is more frightening than to follow a man in marriage who's making stupid decisions, big mistakes? OK, super frightening, especially if you have the wrong view of submission. And the wrong view would be, I just have to take it. I just have to live with it. That is not what we are to do. And I'm going to try to back that up with scripture. So we are to think about how we handle conflict in marriage biblically. And we're going to start by overcoming the temptation we have to get on our husbands, argue with him, be quarrelsome. In 1 Peter 2, 23, it's all, 1 Peter is your book if you're in this situation. It's your book with the person who's suffering. And Jesus in verse 22, wait, I've got to go back. 21, for to this you've been called because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example. So what is Jesus' example to a woman in this situation? That you might follow in Jesus' steps. He committed no sin. Neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he reviled, he did not revile in return. When he suffered, he did not threaten. but continued in trusting himself to him who judges justly. Now, I have used this verse so many times with women who are in a very difficult marriage. And I say you don't want to sin in your responses. You want to not revile back when he puts you down. You don't want to It says, when Jesus suffered, he did not threaten, but put God into this marriage. Trust yourself to him who judges justly. That takes the emotion out of it. You see that? Takes the anger out of it. I'm trusting God in this. That's your first step. And I'm not going to finish there. But that's how we approach this situation of difficult submission to problems. We're not going to be quarrelsome. Because do you think telling your husband over and over that he's making stupid decisions really helps? Does it really help? You know, some of you live next to the train track. Train goes by any day. Loud. Rattles the windows. And after a while, people come over and go, wow, how do you live with that train? You're going, what train? I don't even hear it. It's like the husband who's saying, there's something. There's noise coming on over there. But I'm not even listening to her anymore. So the noise that you're creating by fussing at him and getting on him all the time I can't believe that you bought that big old truck. What do you need a big truck like that for? What do you think you're going to haul in that big truck bed? Do you know how much that truck uses gasoline? Do you think I even like the color of that truck? After a while, it's like he's tuning out. Because we have verses that talk about the quarrelsome wife. He would rather live on the corner of a roof Listen to all that. And it's not working. The nagging does not work. So we're trying to follow not only pragmatic things. I'm telling you, God's word is best. But let's do what God says we should do. We should be like Christ and do not be frightened by any fear. And maybe the whole thing about the truck is, I'm making this up now as I go along. What will the neighbors think? Neighbors think that we should all be driving Priuses. And what's our testimony to the community if you drive this enormous truck, gas guzzler? And what does it say about our values? It's showing our children that we just care about what we drive and not about what Jesus drives. Sorry. It just shows our kids the wrong values, that we have to have enormous vehicles in order to show that we're important in life. And you sit at an intersection, and you just want to exert your manliness by having this enormous truck. OK, all this kind of stuff. All this kind of stuff's not helpful, girls. And some of it's totally wrong. But do you see the fear behind it? The fear of our testimony. The fear of what our kids will think. What are we doing in terms of following the Lord? What do people at church think? And as a pastor's wife, somebody did come up to me and go, driving a minivan. You got a minivan? It's brand new, all these things. Like, do you need to question what I drive? It does happen. So it's real. It's not an unfounded fear, necessarily. But fear-driven conversation is, like, destructive. So we're not going to control by our fears. And you may, OK, way under that may be we don't have the money to drive a truck like this. All right, there is a really legit problem that needs to be addressed. But this emotional reaction to it is not helpful. Instead, trying to show grace, trying not to assume his motives for driving the truck, trying to overcome evil with good, Romans 12.1. But we need to think about how to restore our husbands in this situation if he's really going off in the wrong direction. And it's taking our focus off of what he's doing and onto what does God want. Don't you think you have more to stand on if you say what does God want in this situation? What does the Lord say? So it's a readjustment of what we want, what we desire. and that we trust the Lord with it. So we're going to choose our time in terms of how to address it. Now we're truly talking practical. Proverbs 9.8. is a verse we often use together because it says, starting in 7, whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse. And he who approves a wicked man incurs injury. Do not approve a scoffer who will hate you. Approve a wise man who will love you. So now we have a difference between a wise man who will listen to your advice, counsel, and a man who's a scoffer who will not listen. So we start there. And it tells us exactly what happens when you try to reprove a scoffer or correct a scoffer. It comes back on you. As we move into this category now, we're in the S. Submission is not absolute. So we can go to our husbands and tell them things we see that are against scripture. Acts 529 is a great verse here where the disciples, it was Peter, it's all, oh Peter, 529, Peter and the apostles answered when they were told do not preach anymore. We must obey God rather than men. So I had a lady sitting in my office a few weeks ago, and she goes, my husband wants to work in the yard all Sunday afternoon, and I don't have a good conscience about doing yard work on Sunday. He wants me out there with him. What do I do? Because she's believing Sunday is a day of rest. So whatever you think about that issue, The Sabbath, her issue is, my conscience tells me I cannot go out and rake leaves and pick up trimmings and all the other stuff in the yard on Sunday afternoon. I want to have time with the Lord. How does a woman handle that? For one thing, she comes and asks me. So I'm giving her things to think about and how to approach her husband with that. I appreciate the fact that she wants godly counsel. a real issue. And her attitude's good. She's not mad at him. She's like, what do I do? OK. So there's a real thing. Some women are under conscience that they should attend a certain church. Husband wants to go to a different church. This is real life. What do you do with that situation? How do you follow the Lord? Your conscience is going to help guide you. It's like Acts 5.29, you must obey God rather than men. So Jim's mother was married to a man who did not want to go to church, but she was a believer. What does she do? She's going to obey God rather than men. What she did was she got up and went to the early service. They went to a church, they had a couple of services. So she would run out and go to church and be back in time. He's ready to start his day. She's there. She knows he wants hot lunch. She prepares, makes sure that happens. Does she stand around after church and just talk? No. But she does go to service because she wants to obey God. But in terms of the really hard things that husbands might ask them to do, their wives to do, in terms of serious things like physical abuse, unfaithfulness, these wives in this situation should confront their husbands. They have a right to do it. Although the Proverbs 9.8 is telling you Be very careful how you do it. You've got to know what kind of person you have. Sometimes, if he's a scoffer, you do not go by yourself. And you can bring someone else along. Matthew 18 says, bring a wise person and talk to the husband with somebody from your church. Usually, that will be one of your elders. And that is the role. that Jim and I find ourselves in all the time. Helping women to talk to an unruly husband. How do I bring spiritual pressure on this man to follow the Lord? And some of it is we have to have wisdom to know what is following the Lord and what is not. So we're very careful not to take our own opinions like, you know, anybody who wants to drive woman's truck is wrong. That's not in the Bible. But we take true biblical problems and say, OK, what is the Lord's will on this? We help these women. And I'm sorry for the leadership of this church if all of a sudden we have like five or six women coming and saying, elders, help me. But don't the elders want to do that? Don't the leaders of this church want to do that? Yes. Now, just a little P.S. at the end is what if all this really doesn't apply to me because my husband, he wouldn't take leadership in the home for anything. What do I do now? Okay. Some of the husbands will not lead because they've bought into what the world says, that I'm going to be passive, and I'll keep myself out of trouble that way. I'm never going to stand up to my wife. I'll let her take leadership. Then I get off the hook, and I'm not blamed for any bad decisions, because they're all her fault. That's a real problem. But if a husband's not leading, and you're the wife, you don't Get on him and start nagging him. I went to a conference and, you know, you're supposed to be the head of the home, and you're not making any decisions. All right. So you're not doing that. But you're going to show him grace. You're going to encourage him to take leadership. And sometimes that means when he finally makes a decision, you say, good. That was a good decision. And I've got a strong leader as a husband, but I'm constantly saying things like, Yeah, I'm really glad that you planned this trip this way. I'm really glad you chose this route instead of a different route. I'm telling him all the time, I appreciate your leadership. I am comfortable and happy under your leadership because you're doing a great job. And that's an encouragement to a husband. And those of us who maybe are in difficult marriages where we find ourselves lonely, and lost, we end up thinking, Lord, you have to be my everything. You have to be the one I follow and love more than anything. I can't get everything I want out of this husband you've given me. You are going to be big to me. You're going to be the one I love above all. I will try to get help. I will bring him to a conference and help him listen. I will include the elders if we've got serious problems. I'll include wise people in my church to help. But above all, I need to follow you primarily. And I'm going to end with Psalm 16, verse 11. I'm just going to have to go back to who the Lord is in our lives. Psalm 16, let's see, 11 says, you make known to me the path of life. In your presence, there is fullness of joy. At your right hand are pleasures forevermore. And that is a woman who's settled. Following the Lord above all things, and that is going to strengthen the relationship with God, which is what is the primary relationship above all things. We go into Heaven and He says, I put you in this marriage. I saw that you honored me in it. He says, well done. Beautiful word. Father, I thank you so much for the teaching of scripture that is real. It talks about real problems, and yet it gives us principles for living. And I do pray that you'll help us to follow your word, even in hard times. But I also thank you that so many of us have good relationships and good marriages and good examples around us. And we praise you for that as well. We ask you to bless us in our marriage as we follow. Jesus' name, amen. Hey, we have about 10 minutes. We'll get going again on how to be peacemakers.