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Thank You for this gracious group of people who were able to send us, Lord, both with finances and with food. Lord, just as a way in the door to be able to talk to people and communicate with them. Lord, we hope and we pray that we were an encouragement to the saints there. And that they, Lord, received more than just a turkey and some food. but they receive some eternal things and things that really matter and count for eternity. A moment of encouragement, God, that can't be weighed with money or food. Well, Father, we thank You for the encouragement that we all find in our brothers and sisters in Christ. And God, as we go on in this and we move along in this life, Lord, may we always seek, Lord, to encourage one another. Thank you for your Holy Spirit who encourages us and challenges us and teaches us and instructs us. We pray, Father, that more and more we might get a hold of this idea that we are indeed Lord One. one people, one body. Lord, part of our task, God, is to edify one another, build each other up, love one another, encourage each other, pray for one another, bear one another's burdens. Lord God, may we not forsake this assembling of ourselves together, and not just coming together, but coming together for that purpose, to encourage one another. Lord, it's in Christ's name we pray and ask these things. Amen. Well, let's turn the channel just a little bit to talk about choosing a spouse. Now, I want to just kind of preface this with saying I'm not encouraging you to get in a hurry. You understand? So moms and dads, don't panic. I'm not encouraging your young people to make a decision next week or tomorrow or in the next 30 years for that matter. But I believe in preventative medicine. You know what I mean? And so I want to just kind of speak as a dad, just as a shepherd here at this church to all of you, you know, moms, dads, if you've got a single one or a single grandkid, hopefully you can glean some good stuff from this. And again, preventative medicine I think is a good, good and helpful thing. choosing a spouse, choosing someone that we're gonna commit to in a covenant relationship. Now I hope that through all the preaching and all the teaching that we've done over the last few weeks, we're beginning to see the seriousness of this moment. Seriousness of this commitment that we make, that's made between a husband and a wife and before the Lord. And so let me just kinda jump in here and just start with some very, very, hopefully some very practical things about choosing a spouse. The first thing that I want you to understand is that there are some people that you need to consult concerning choosing a spouse. There are some people that you need to consult concerning choosing a spouse. Again, this is a huge decision. Sometimes it's filled with all kinds of emotional things. I don't know about you, but when I was a young man and met a pretty girl, all kinds of tingly things go on inside of you. You know what I'm talking about. And you know, she's pretty and he's handsome. And you know, you have all these emotional things. And when that happens, it is so hard for us to make clear-minded decisions. Can anybody say amen? You know exactly what I'm talking about. And so it's good to surround ourselves with some people that we can consult concerning these kinds of decisions. To marry? To not to marry? Is this the right person? Is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with? Is this the will of God? And so on and so forth. These are all important questions. And so let me just start off by saying the first person that we need to consult, are you ready? Is God. God. We ought to bathe this decision in prayer and with fellowship with God. You know Proverbs 3, 5, and 6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him. And what? And He will direct your path. You know, there's a lot of talk about the will of God and those kind of things, and I don't want to mysticize this or make it magical, because I don't believe it works that way. Let me just say it this way. As you are saturating yourself in the Word of God and in prayer, as you're continually walking in fellowship with God, God will providentially and graciously and sovereignly lead you. Do you get it? Right? Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Listen to this. In all your ways, what? Acknowledge Him. That means that you're bathing these decisions in prayer, that you're constantly saturating your own mind and your own heart and your own life in the Word of God, and you're just walking with God. You're walking with God. You remember Romans 12, 1 and 2. You remember that passage, right? I beseech you, I urge you, I plead with you, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may, what, prove what that good and perfect will of God is. Right? In other words, as you're being transformed in your mind and your thinking by the Word of God and prayer and fellowship with God, as you're committing your body and you're committing your life to serve and honor Christ, He is constantly revealing His will, His plans. Again, it's not mystical. It's not magical. You're not hearing some audible voice from heaven. He's simply, through the providence, through His providence, and through the situations and the circumstances of your life, revealing the decisions that you ought to make. Right? And they're all based upon His Word, and the principles of His Word. So it's not magic. You're just following God. So the first person you're going to consult concerning choosing a spouse is God. But there's also, I believe, some other people in your life that you ought to consult. And the second one is your parents. Your parents. These parents have said this before. These parents are, in a sense, a moral guide for you. They are people who are supposed to point you in the right direction. I would even say to those people who may or may not have godly parents, Christian parents, your parents ought to still be involved in the process. Why? Because you are to honor your father and your mother. They are still responsible for you in that sense, right? You still want their approval, right? Back in the Old Testament, back in the days of the patriarchs with Abraham and Isaac and Jacob, you remember most marriages were... How did they come about? They were arranged by who? Usually fathers, right? I'm not suggesting we do that. I am suggesting that moms and dads be very involved in the process. We, over the years, have tried our best to cultivate such a relationship with our kids that if they are interested in a young man or a young man is interested in them, they're going to come and talk to us about it. That's just what they do. And it's not because we've demanded it or anything like that. We're just trying to cultivate that kind of relationship. That kind of mom, daughter, dad, daughter kind of relationship. That they trust us enough that they're going to come to us with these serious decisions about relationships. I know this for a fact. That if I had a serious objection to a young man that they were interested in, they would not pursue it. Because they trust us. They trust us. Right? You need to cultivate, I believe, that kind of relationship with your kids. Not that you're making that choice for them, but you, as a wise parent, are helping them, by the grace of God. And you are probably, as a parent, going to maybe see things that they're not going to see. Right? Because a lot of times when we're young and we're in the emotional moment, we're just not going to see clearly some of the pitfalls, some of the dangers, some of the snares that may be there for our kids. And so we certainly want to protect them. So young people, listen to me. Involve your parents in those kinds of decisions. Get their wisdom. Get their approval. Find out what they have to say. They may see some things that you don't see concerning this other person. We certainly could go to the Proverbs to find this kind of wisdom. Proverbs, by the way, was written for who? A young man, right? It was written for a young man to heed the wisdom of his mom and heed the wisdom of his dad. To wear it around his neck, that wisdom that mom and dad passes on to the children. So get the wisdom of your parents. There's one more, and this is really not self-serving, but I think there's biblical precedent for this. In concerning these kinds of things, get the wisdom of your pastor. I'm always amazed at the churches I've been a part of where all of a sudden I hear, well, so-and-so is getting married. Well, wow, I didn't know anything about that. I'm their shepherd. I'm the one responsible for their spiritual well-being. How could I not know about this? I just think that's foreign. I think there ought to be a foreign thought in our churches. that we ought to so respect the wisdom of our pastors and our leaders, these shepherds who are responsible for our souls, right? As the writer of Hebrews says. That we ought to seek their wise counsel. Our shepherds look out for our souls. One of the things, too, I think is so important, and that I require as a pastor, is premarital counseling. In fact, I require five sessions of counseling before I ever decide whether I'm going to do the ceremony or not. And if they're not willing to go through that, they're not serious about it. The first session is about their salvation. Right? And so you're laying out these foundations. I require that of everybody that I'm going to do it. If they come to me and say, hey, Pastor, will you do our ceremony? Well, I'll talk to you about it. And I give them a piece of paper. Here's what I require. If you're willing to submit yourself to that, I'll let you know after session five whether I'll do the ceremony or not. And I don't think that's unreasonable. Listen, we're talking about something serious, aren't we? We're talking about marriage. We're talking about a lifelong commitment to a person. This is important. This is preventative medicine. There have been times where I've sat down with a couple and I had to tell them, sorry, I can't do your ceremony. I don't think you guys are taking this seriously. I don't think you're committed to the things of Christ. I don't think you're committed to God. And that's not what I do. I don't do wedding ceremonies. If you want me to help you have a good marriage and have a long and wonderful God-honoring life together, I can do that. But I'm not interested in doing wedding ceremonies. They're stiff. They pay less than funerals. And by the way, funerals usually last longer, too, than marriages. So, listen, I'm just... That's a joke, by the way. Not a good one, but it's a joke. Listen, listen to me. In all seriousness, to me, personally, I don't enjoy doing weddings. I really don't. I'm not discouraging you from ever coming to me to do your wedding. But for me, I would rather... What excites me is to see young people get married and live for Christ. You know, to see them just serving God as a couple and see their lives Christ-centered and Christ-focused and then raising godly kids, man, that brings me joy. And to know that I had a small part in that and helping them to understand what it was all about. Get the wise counsel of your pastor or pastors. Let them talk to you about foundations, about what marriage is, about roles, about godly communication, which is honest, and beneficial, and seasoned with grace. Let them talk to you about money, and about sex, and about faith, and about parenting. Again, pastors not taking the place of parents, but pastors coming alongside parents to help them in their training of their own children. Let pastors talk to them about parenting and raising kids. I just think it's just wise. It's just good for you to get the wisdom of your pastors. There's some people you need to consult. Secondly, there's some character that you need to cultivate. There's some character that you need to cultivate. In other words, I could say it this way. Instead of focusing on finding the right person, you focus on being the right person. You focus on being the right person. Young ladies, you need to go to places like 1 Timothy chapter 3 and learn about Sarah. You need to learn about the things that matter and count for God are not the external things, those external beauty, about the braiding of hair, about the wearing of fine jewelry and wearing gold, but it's the hidden beauty of the heart. You need to learn about a quiet and gentle spirit, by the way, which is very precious in the sight of God. Young ladies, cultivate those kinds of things in your life. Be the right person. Young men, listen to me. You need to focus on being holy. An inward life of prayer, an inward life of service to God. You remember Peter's echo of the words of God himself, Be holy, for I am holy. Holy. Young man, you need to guard your eyes and cultivate a pure mind and a pure heart. And I will say this to you, listen to me, in terms of being the right person and cultivating the right kind of character. Make Christ enough for you, so that if you never get married, Christ is enough. Do you understand that? And I'll say this to all of you, listen, if Christ is not enough for you, nobody else will be either. It just won't be enough. Never be enough. Philippians chapter 4 verse 11. You may be familiar with this. Here's what Paul says. It's not that I speak in regards to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am to be content. If you're single, learn to be content. Learn that Christ is enough for you. Learn to be content in that. Be holy. Be the right person. Cultivate the right kind of character. And let me say along with that, I don't like, just personally, and I just don't know that we can defend the idea biblically, the whole idea of Western cultural dating. I just don't like it at all. I don't think it's a godly way to meet people. I don't think it's a godly way to kind of cultivate that relationship to where you're going to lead into a marriage relationship. Usually, and I say this because usually it leads into physical contact, which you may say, well, we're not going all the way, whatever that means, but you're also giving things away that were supposed to be reserved for your husband or your wife. I would say to you, cultivate a friendship. What's wrong with that? Cultivate a friendship. Can it be a special friendship? Can you call it boyfriend, girlfriend? You know, that's okay. That's okay with you. But I would say work hard to avoid physical intimacy. Work hard for that. Save your special kisses for your husband or your wife. Save your special touches for your husband or your wife. Save your special I love you's for your husband or your wife. Don't tell that person you love them. Right? Don't give them a clue. Ladies, don't give them a clue until they put a ring on that finger. That's my dad coming out for my daughters, right? Don't give them a clue. I was so encouraged when Micah met Reggie. I'm going to brag on him, he's not here. I don't talk to him this way. I still want him to be afraid of me. But let me brag on him just a little bit. Years ago, he kept showing up at our church. He went to another church, but he kept showing up on Wednesday nights. And I was clueless. Tanya was already on to it, but I was clueless. The dad, he's a clueless dad. It's perfect. So I'm preaching. I'm just doing my thing. And every once in a while, he would come up to me and ask me a spiritual question or a Bible question or whatever. So one Wednesday, he's there and he comes up to me. And Reggie's always just a gentleman. Just a straight shooter kind of guy. And he comes up to me and says, hey, can I talk to you tomorrow about something? And I said, sure, sure. I don't know why he wanted me to talk then. But I said, yeah, I'm in the office tomorrow at 8 o'clock here at the church. Any time after that you want to come by? Well, I come to the church and I've got my shorts and my t-shirt on at 8 o'clock the next morning coming in. And he's already waiting on me. I get there at 8.05. He's already there. He's in a suit and tie. I got my shorts and my t-shirt on. And he comes in, and he's like, and tears are welling up in the guy's eyes. I'm like, I don't know what this guy's talking about. He's getting ready to confess something or something. But he said, I just wanted to ask you if it would be alright for me to ask Micah to a Christmas party or something at their church. And I kind of paused, because I was clueless. Tanya had already told me, but I was like, no, no. He hadn't even paid any attention to her. I didn't pay any attention to her. So anyway, he asked. So I proceeded to tell him about my gun collection. Seriously, I did. And I told him about my big backyard and my shovel. And I did, in all seriousness. And then I asked him about his testimony. And with tears in his eyes, he told me about how he came to know the Lord Jesus Christ. And I was so impressed by his courage and his integrity. Listen, ladies, when you're looking for somebody, look for somebody with integrity. You know, somebody who's cultivated the right kind of character. Listen, I still don't like him because he's just not good enough for my daughter. You know what I mean? You know what I'm talking about? There's Jesus and then, like, Reggie right here. That's what I think about the boy. I really do. I think a lot of him. This is the kind of guy you pray for. He's still not good enough for my daughter. But anyway, ladies, men, whoever you're looking for, look for someone with integrity of character. Don't pursue some physical dating relationship. Look for something that's on the inside. I jotted down Psalm 37 verse 4. I'm trying to remember the quote. I've got to move on here. Psalm 37 verse 4. I'm just hoping it has something to do with what I'm talking about. Here it is. Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. You know, talking about cultivating character. Cultivating a life that reflects something that's going on inside of you. I think that's a key verse right there. Your first priority, what? To delight yourself also in the Lord. And what does it say? And He shall give you the desires of your heart. We might not be able to apply everything in regards to the New Testament Church, New Testament principles, but I think there is an overarching principle there. Seek ye first the Kingdom of God. We could say it that way. Put God first. Make God preeminent. Cultivate your relationship with Him. Cultivate your own spiritual character. All those things. And by the way, don't give your heart away. Don't give your heart away. I think when we start saying things like, I love you, and, you know, start giving physical things away, you've already given way too much. You've given way too much. Give that stuff to Christ before, you know, until it's time. Alright? Alright, so we've looked at some character. We've looked at some people you need to consult. But thirdly, I want to tell you some qualities you need to consider. Some qualities you need to consider. That's number three. And the first one is when you're looking for a spouse, you're looking for a like-minded believer. I say like-minded believer. Hear me, like-minded believer. It's not enough just to say believer anymore. That word is just so thrown around. Or even Christian. Oh, they go to church. Well, what does that mean? You need to find a like-minded believer. Amos said in Amos 3.3, can two walk together unless they be agreed? There needs to be something in you and in this individual that is like-minded concerning the things of Christ. Paul said it this way in 2 Corinthians 6, 14 and following. Do not be unequally yoked to an unbeliever. What does light have in common with darkness? Answer the question. What does light have in common with darkness? Nothing. Right? So I say to you concerning the unbeliever, don't pursue it. Don't even consider the fault of it. I've heard this over and over again. Well, maybe I can lead them to the Lord. Evangelistic dating. It just doesn't work. It doesn't work. And by the way, even if you do lead them to the Lord, they're a new believer. They're a brand new believer. Find a like-minded believer. In other words, you have things in common, right? Concerning the things of God, you have similar thinking. That doesn't mean you have to think the same way about everything concerning Christ and the things of God, but you have the primary things in common. Certainly, you need to be attracted to the person, you know, but those are all the superficial things. Those are the external things. There's just a small part. They're really secondary to the deeper things. You want to meet somebody that loves Jesus the same way you do. You want someone that the first time you hang out with them, or the first time you spend time with them, they pray with you. What about that? I told my girls, listen, if that guy, when you go out and do something, he don't pray with you the first time you're with him, you send him on his way. And I was serious about that. He needs to be somebody who's going to challenge you to be like Christ. You don't want somebody dragging you down. You don't want somebody going to have to drag the church every Sunday. You want somebody taking you by the hand and saying, let's go. Let's go. Let's be a part of the things of God. Right? Along with that, you want to choose somebody who's concerned about your reputation. That's one of the things I applaud about Reggie and Micah too. Their commitment to not just doing the right things, but how things look. They work real hard not to be alone with each other. Especially when we're gone or his parents are gone. Not being alone in the house and all those kinds of things. He's so concerned about Micah's reputation. He doesn't want anybody to say anything evil against her. You want to meet somebody and choose somebody that's not so concerned about their own pleasures, but concerned about your reputation. Things to look for, right? And concerning qualities that you need to consider is consider their own family life. What were their parents like? How did their parents raise them? That's significant, by the way. You might think that I'm being very picky. Listen, I'm concerning my daughters. I'm going to be picky, right? And you should be picky about your kids, too. Teach your kids. Look at their family life. Are there family believers? Are their moms and dads raised in a Christian home? I'm not saying you can't meet somebody that's been radically transformed by the grace of God in an unbelieving family. But I am saying as you're choosing a spouse, those are things to consider. What about their prayer life? What's their prayer life like? What's their knowledge of the Word of God? They have a working knowledge of the Gospel. They have a working knowledge of the Word of God. What about church? What church do they go to? That's going to tell you a lot about them. You know, what church do they go to? What do they preach at that church? If this person's been sitting under this kind of preaching for 20 years, does that affect the way they think and they live? Yeah! That's a big deal. What kind of church do they go to? Listen, you want a spouse that challenges you daily to be godly. Along with that, qualities you need to consider, look for godly wisdom. Proverbs 19.14, a prudent wife is from the Lord. A wise wife, one who's going to make good and godly decisions, she's from the Lord. Stay away, the writer of Proverbs says, stay away from the sluggard, the foolish, and somebody who has an uncontrolled tongue. Stay away from the sluggard. That's a lazy person. Stay away from the foolish. That's an unbelieving person. And stay away from someone with an uncontrolled tongue. I jotted down Proverbs 18.22. Proverbs 18.22. It says, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Isn't that wonderful? A speaking or prudent wife, a wise wife. There's a fourth thing I want you to consider here concerning choosing a spouse. There's some truths that you need to commit to memory. There's some truths that you need to commit to memory, number four. And I just have two of these. Just two of these. These truths that you need to commit to memory. Number one. God is sovereign over the choice you make. Hear me. God is sovereign over the choice you make. This is just a harsh reality. Some of you already know this. You're going to make eventually, most of you probably, unless God gives you a life of singleness, you're going to choose a spouse. And hopefully you're going to choose well, to the best of your ability. You're going to be wise and get counseled and you're going to look for these things and you're going to make a choice. But sometimes you're going to find out this person is a snake in the grass. You know what I mean? You're going to find that out. Know this. God is sovereign over your choice. Right? Even though you may be, listen, you may find yourself eventually in what we would consider a bad marriage. It's still a marriage. You get it? It's still a marriage. God was sovereign over that. He knew. It didn't take Him by surprise. He knew that person was a snake in the grass. You might not have. Right? But now you're in the marriage. He knew. and He will give grace to endure. Do you understand? As hard as that is, as hard as that is, providence always wins in the end. God, His will, His purposes, His plans, right? wherever you find yourself, in whatever situation you find yourself, do your best due diligence, pray, seek the Lord, walk in Christ, make Christ enough, seek wise counsel, all these kinds of things. Listen, but you don't know the heart of the individual you're marrying. You see the externals, you hope that you know this person, you think you know this person, but God indeed knows them. And every once in a while there is a snake in the grass. But God too is sovereign over these choices. There's a second truth you need to commit to memory. And that is, listen to me, this is vital. Covenant marriage is the foundation for love, not love the foundation for marriage. That may not make sense to you. Let me say it again. Covenant marriage is the foundation for love, not love the foundation for marriage. In other words, you are making a commitment before God. Right? God is the maker and the holder of all this together, not your love. Your love may wane. You may not feel love anymore. I hear people say that all the time. Well, I just fell out of love. Like they tripped over something. Whoa, hey, I'm not in love anymore. It just doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. Remember, covenant marriage is the foundation for love, not love the foundation for marriage. God is the maker and holder of all this together. Remember? What God has joined together, let not man separate. You remember that? Feelings may come and feelings may go, and I know love is not a feeling, although not devoid of feeling, it is a choice by the grace of God. Feelings may come and feelings may go, but the covenant remains. There's some truths you need to commit to memory. Well, there's much more that we could say on the topic, but I hope that helps a little. Moms and dads, just by way of encouragement to you. Man, guard your little ones. I know some of them aren't little ones anymore. I still think of my girls as little ones. I just want them to make good and godly decisions. I know that's your desire for them to have conversations about it often. If they're not initiated yet, you initiate it. Sit down with them. Talk to them about these things. Help them make good and godly decisions. They need it. They need your help. Whether they think they do or not, they need your help. So take the opportunity to do that. Encourage your young people to make good and godly decisions concerning a spouse. Well, there's much more we can say about that, but at least that's a start. At least that's a start. Let me reiterate what I said here. There's some people you need to consult, God, parents, and your pastor. There's character you need to cultivate, that is being the right person, being holy, developing character, making Christ enough. There's also qualities you need to consider, that is finding a like-minded believer, someone who's going to help you to be godly and holy, considering their family life, considering their prayer life, considering their knowledge of the Word of God, considering where they go to church, all that's important. And then lastly, truths you need to commit to memory. God is sovereign over the choice you make. And coveted marriage is the foundation for love, not love the foundation for marriage. Well, let's pray. Father, we thank you for your mercy and your grace in regards to these things. Thank you for the spouses that you've given these married couples here. Lord, may their lives and their marriages and relationships be a shining light in the darkness of this world and its system. O Lord God, may they be an example to their children and their children's children, Lord, what a covenant marriage ought to be. O Lord God, we confess our weaknesses, confess our frailties, we confess our sins that we've committed, Lord, regularly against our spouses. We thank you, Lord, for your sustaining grace and your mercy when we come to you, Lord, in confession, an honest confession. Lord, I do pray for the young people, the young single people, or people that are single again, that Lord, you would help them in regards to making these very serious, serious commitments. It's not to be taken lightly, that marriage is not to be entered into lightly, and it needs to be entered into, Lord, with someone who is going to challenge us to be like you. So Lord, we need your help with that decision. We don't always think clearly. Sometimes, Lord, we think with our feelings. We feel with our hearts. Lord, we don't want to make those kinds of flippant decisions. We want to seek wise counsel. We want to find out from our parents and our pastors and from You, God, what it is that You want for us. Lord, we want to remember all the truths that we've learned in the Scripture about marriage and what marriage is. Lord, realizing You're sovereign over it, even when things don't turn out maybe the way we planned, when this dream that we had for our marriage just doesn't come true. We thank You, God, that You're even sovereign over those kind of things too. So Lord, we trust You. And we trust You, God, that You're going to give sufficient grace in difficult days and difficult times. You're going to give grace not just to endure, But Lord, so that we might live in the grace by which we've been given, that we might live, Lord, a conquering life, an overcoming life. Not just a coping life, not just a getting through life, not just an enduring life, but Lord, a thriving, hopeful, God-victorious life in Jesus Christ your Son, even in the midst of difficult situations. Oh Lord God, we thank you and praise you that we can trust you as your word says. And Lord, you will direct our paths. It's in Christ's name we pray and ask all these things. Amen.
Choosing A Spouse
ស៊េរី The Family...Matters
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