The story is told of a pastor when he was counseling a married couple and the husband came to him just enraged at his wife because she did this and she did that at home. She was hard to live with. She did not act like he wanted her to act. And he said to the pastor, I want out of this thing. I want a divorce. To which the pastor replied, would you say that things are worse at home than they were before? To which the man replied, yes, a lot worse. To which the pastor replied, Well, that's good. You signed up for worse. You said for better or for worse. Now go home and love your wife. Now go home and work things out. You see, this husband had a faulty understanding of what it means to be a Christian husband. Even in the church, I think there's often this misunderstanding as to what a husband's role is to be. And whether that be because he was never taught how to be a husband, a godly husband, whether that be because he has bought into the world's idea of what love is supposed to be, or maybe because he is simply an unregenerate, unbelieving husband in the church. Whatever the reason, I think like this man, us men, and especially us husbands, we can have a twisted view of our role as husbands, and we need clarity. And the text that we're going to look at this morning and next week, as opposed to the wives' message that was only one message, we need extra help, is going to help us fulfill our roles as husbands. And so if you would, turn in your Bible to Ephesians 5. Ephesians 5. Today, I want to be looking at with you verses 25 to 27. We're continuing this series titled Walking Wisely at Home and at Work. Last Sunday, if you were here, if you listened online, we looked at the wife's responsibility, that the wife is to submit to her husband in everything. And that may be a shocking statement to make in our culture and in our day. But it wasn't shocking in Paul's day. There was nothing counter-cultural about that, to tell a wife to submit to her husband. In the Greco-Roman culture of Paul's day, that was expected of the wife. She was expected to be subject to her husband. But Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, he affirms that this is in fact God's will. God is the one who instituted this structure of subordination. It's not a result of an oppressive culture. Paul's concern, as we saw last week, was for the wife to approach submission with the right attitude. to approach submission as unto the Lord himself. He said in verse 22 of Ephesians chapter 5. And so what we need to understand is that the gospel does not do away with these structures in the home and at work, but it does sanctify it. The gospel sanctifies the relationships so that the home is a godly home, a godly marriage. so that there's righteousness in the house. That's what the gospel does. In today's text, Paul turns his attention to the husbands, and he gives the husbands a command, as he did with the wives. And if you will notice in verse 25, as one commentator pointed out, the instruction for the husband is not, husbands, boss your wives. It's not husbands, be authoritative over your wives and push them around in the home. But no, what does the apostle say? Husbands, love, love your wives. Now, this command was incredibly countercultural in Paul's day. Husbands had no expectations laid upon them in the Greco-Roman culture to love their wives in any sense. In very few places, in very few writings of the philosophers, we find any instruction for the husbands. There are a few that say husbands love your wives or be loving, but it's interesting. One theologian points out every time that philosophers would instruct husbands to love their wives, they would use the Greek word phileo. which is a friendly type of love, a superficial kind of love. Essentially telling the husbands, you know, get along with your wives at home so things go smoothly. But that's not what the Christian husband is called to. He is called to a deeper love, a sacrificial You know, in those days, in many instances, especially in the lower class families, the wife was not much better than a slave. She was there to serve her husband, to obey his word, to follow with no question, with no input. That all changes with the gospel of Jesus Christ. That all changes. Yes, the wife is to submit to her husband, but she is to submit to someone who loves her, and not just the phileo type of love. Three times in this passage, Paul commands the husband to love their wives using the word agape. This is a self-denying, sacrificial, deep love. And we find the word, I believe, six times in this passage, because it also speaks of Jesus' love for the church. It is a deep, abiding love. It's the type of love that took Christ to the cross. And in fact, if you notice, as we will read soon, that is precisely the example that Paul gives that the husbands are to follow. The same love that led Jesus to the cross to die in the place of his bride is the same kind of love that the husband is to have for his wife. And so we ask the question, what does the wise, understanding, spirit-filled husband look like? We're going to begin to answer this question. We're looking at three verses this morning, verses 25 to 27. And I have two very simple headings for you this morning, if you take notes. Many husbands don't take notes, but your wife will do it for you, and she'll give you that when you get home. The first heading is this. The husband's duty. The husband's duty in the first half of verse 25. or you could say, the husband's responsibility. Look at verse 25. The Apostle Paul says, Husbands, love your wives. And he's talking here to who? To Christian husbands. He's talking to men who have been redeemed, who have been made new in Christ, who have a new identity in Christ, who have been indwelt by the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of power. And that is important because the Bible says in Romans 8.8, that the man who is in the flesh, the woman who is in the flesh, they cannot please God. These are men who are spirit indwelled. And so when God commands you to love your wife, you need to realize you have the power and the ability to do so. And when we fail, we do what? We go to God, we ask for help. He's talking to Christian husbands. Love your wives. It's a brief command, but it's packed with meaning. Love wraps its arms around all of the commandments, doesn't it? Love is the chief commandment. Love God and love neighbor. Well, as it has been said, who is your closest neighbor, husband? Your wife. Your wife. Love is the chief commandment. Your greatest responsibility, if you're a husband here this morning, after loving God, is not to make a lot of money. It's not to work overtime. It's not even to be a great father. And it's not to be a good citizen or to do more ministry, but to love your wife. And if you go wrong here, you will go wrong everywhere. Your ministry will not matter. Your work will not matter. How good a guy people think you are will not matter. How admired you are will not matter. If you neglect to do the greater thing, the greater commandment, the lesser things in the eyes of God are irrelevant. Your primary duty at home and in life, after loving God, is to love your wife. D.L. Moody said this, if a man does not treat his wife right, if he does not love her, I don't want to hear him talk about Christianity. John Calvin said, the man who does not love his wife is a monster. In reality, if we fail to love our wives, we fail to love God, don't we? Because God is the one who commands us to love our wives. In John 14, 15, Jesus said, if you love me, keep my commandments. And so husbands, love your wives. I want to point two things out in this small section of verse 25. The verb is love, and it's a present tense verb. And that tells us that we ought to love our wives always. Habitual love. Day in and day out kind of love. Paul doesn't say love your wives on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday. But every day of the week. Paul doesn't say love your wives only when you are in front of people. Only when you are in front of her family or your family, in front of your friends, in front of the church on Sunday. But love her also when you are alone at home, behind closed doors, when the kids leave the house. Love your wife when the company has left for the night. This means love her when she is maybe not submissive. Love her when she's sick. Love her when she is sinful. Love her when she disappoints you. Love her when the marriage has entered some kind of a dark season and maybe she's not quite herself. When the feelings are no longer there perhaps, love your wife. When the looks maybe are no longer there, You love your wife. Why do people divorce in the world? Why is there adultery in marriage? The person no longer meets the conditions of my love. Isn't that the case? They no longer make me feel the way they used to make me feel. They can no longer offer me what I expect in exchange for my love, and so they try somewhere else. The butterflies are gone, and so I'm gone. And that is the love of the world, isn't it? It's fickle. It's always superficial. It's something that you fall in and fall out of. The love of the world is defined by attractiveness to a person for some kind of superficial quality, physical looks, financial status. And because of that, that kind of love will always be selfish, self-serving, and self-gratifying. And so when another person comes around that meets those conditions, you say, I'm out of here. I quit it. That's the love of the world. The Christian's husband's love is to be different. It's to hold true. in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, richer or poorer, till death do you part. It is a constant love, undying love, regardless of the circumstances in life. The second thing I want you to notice here is that this verb is in the active voice. It's in the active voice. What does that tell us? It tells you, husband, that you choose to love your wife. You choose to love your wife. Love is a verb here. You need to make the decision to actively love your wife, just as she must make the decision to submit to you. The wife should never have to seek your love. The wife should never have to work for your love. The wife should not have to feel as if she has to earn a husband's love. you must actively pursue her so that she does not question where your affections are at and whatever that looks like in your marriage. It's very practical, I don't know, getting her flowers every so often, conversing with her, spending time with her, hugging her, spending quality time together, pursuing her, dating her, affirming your love to her with words. You see, this love is a love that extends itself to the woman. It extends itself to the wife. It is not passive. It is active. And this requires us men to study our wives, doesn't it? Study your wife. What are her needs? What does she like? What does she not like? How can you meet her desires? How can you meet her wants? Number three, Notice Paul says, love your wives. Not other men's wives. Not your neighbor's wife. Not that woman at work. Your wife. The woman you have covenanted with for life. All of our affections and desires and wants and needs ought to be directed toward that one woman in our life. Toward our wives. And that will require you to set boundaries in your life so as to be able to do that, and to be careful around other women, and to not put yourself into a position where you're going to be unfaithful to your wife. As one pastor once said, the day I said yes to my wife, to that woman, I said no to every other woman in the world. Love your Wife. And notice husbands, Paul does not mention conditions here, does he? He says, he doesn't say rather, godly wives, love your godly wives. Love your wives with a good attitude. Love your wives if they have a nice temperament, if they're mature. Love them if they submit to you. He doesn't even mention whether they are saved or not. And I can tell you that back then, even as today, there were Christians who had an unbelieving spouse. The command doesn't change. Paul says, love your wives. He doesn't say love her when she makes you happy, when she agrees with you, when she is pleasant to be around, otherwise hate her. No conditions. There are no conditions. And here's the thing, husbands and wives, your spouse will never meet all of your expectations. Never. They will never meet all of your conditions. And that's good, because as one pastor said, how could you learn unconditional love if you marry a person who meets all your conditions? God did not make a mistake by putting you together with your spouse. He's teaching you to love as He loves, unconditionally. Many people wonder, after they get married, did I marry the wrong person? All of these things come out after you say, I do. And you wonder, did I make a mistake? You didn't make a mistake. Congratulations, you married a sinner. And she married a sinner. And you married a sinner husband. A lady once came to a pastor and said to him, Pastor, I think I married the wrong man. And he says to her, well, he's the right man now. You're married. You're married. That's your wife. That's your husband. As I mentioned in the introduction to the sermon series, many of us bring baggage into life. We bring baggage into marriage. We have bad examples in our lives of what a husband ought to be, of what a wife ought to be, how to treat a woman even. Bad examples of how to do life. Maybe even if our parents did stay together, their idea of love was simply tolerating one another until death did them part. And so we need a godly example, and Paul gives us one in this text. And in fact, it is the supreme example in the Bible. It is the love of Christ for His bride, the church. Far from being a simple example, though, what we learn here is that your love for your wife, husband, is to reflect Jesus' eternal love for His people. is that this is convicting for me, as a husband. When someone looks at your marriage, how you treat your wife, they ought to be able to see something of God's love for His people. And to say, wow, is that how Jesus loves His people, His bride. That's what Paul is teaching here. That's what Paul is teaching. And so the second heading I want to give you is this. The husband's example. The second half of verse 25 all the way to 27. The husband's example. If you notice the second part of verse 25. Husbands love your wives. And then he says, just as in the same way that Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her. From heaven he came and sought her." Love in the same way Jesus loved. Notice something very important in this text. Paul doesn't say, love your wives as Jesus loves the church, but it's in the past tense. Love her as he loved her. You see, what we find in this text is eternal love spanning from eternity past to eternity future. And what Paul is saying here is that Jesus loved the church even before he gave himself up for her, even before he went to the cross to rescue her from God's wrath. He set his love upon us, the Bible says in Ephesians 1-4, before the foundation of the world. God loved you before Genesis 1-1, saint. And that's a good thing, because as Spurgeon once said, I am sure He chose me before I was born, or else He would not have chosen me afterward. After I was born. So we see here, this love on the part of Christ is an act of the will. He didn't have to love. He chose to love. He chose to love the bride. After creation, the church was at her worst, defiled by sin, estranged from God. Weren't you at your worst when Jesus saved you? Weren't you in the gutter, addicted, lost, enslaved to iniquity, on a highway to hell, in despair and the fear of death? That's when Jesus loved you, the Bible says, while you were his enemy. Romans 5 verse 8 says, but God demonstrates his own love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Love is demonstrated. Paul says he loved you and he gave himself up for you, for the church. That he gave himself up here means that he sacrificed himself. He relinquished his life. He said, no one takes my life from me. I lay it down and I take it back up again. It was a choice, an act of His will. And we learn here, husbands and wives, that love doesn't simply speak. It acts, it demonstrates. What if God said to us from heaven, I love you, but then provided no sacrifice for our sins? We'd be in trouble. But God demonstrates His love by giving His Son. And there is no greater display of love than the cross of Christ. Amen? There is no greater display of love than the cross of Christ. When Jesus took His bride out of the way and suffered the full wrath of God in her place. The cross of Christ displays the height and depth and breadth of Christ's love more than any other event in history. You look at the cross, you look at Jesus' death, what do you think of? Well, it wasn't easy. It wasn't convenient for Christ to go to the cross. It was excruciating. It was difficult. It was sacrificial. And that's precisely the kind of love God is calling husbands to in this church, in every godly husband. Sacrificial, self-denying, dying to self love. That's a gap of love. Unconditional love. And you may not have to literally die for your wife, husband, but you will have to die to yourself. You'll have to sacrifice often your time, your energy, your desires, your wants for her good, for her desires and her wants and her needs. And maybe don't watch the football game and go to to Michael's or something. It's the only example that came to mind right now. That's sacrificial love, it is. You know, I want to do this, and selfishly, I want to be here in front of the TV, but she really wants to do this, and she wants to do this right now. Sacrificial love. It's the kind of love that we're called to here. And when we consider the cross, what did Jesus accomplish for us? Forgiveness and reconciliation. And so husbands, one way in which we love our wives is when we seek forgiveness when we sin against them. When we humble ourselves and we go to our wives and we say to them, I have sinned against you, please forgive me. Loving your wife is forgiving quickly when she sins against you. Loving your wife is repenting when you fail to love her the way God commands, and we often fail Husbands, we often fail. And this kind of love involves reconciliation, just as God in Christ reconciled you to himself. Jesus loved the church and gave himself up for her. Why? What's the purpose? Look at verse 26. Why did Jesus die for the church? Paul says, so that. Here's the purpose. Here's the why. So that he might sanctify her. The word might here doesn't express doubt. It doesn't express the possibility of failure. What Paul is saying is that Jesus died to make it possible that the bride would be holy, that she would be sanctified. And that's what the word sanctify means. It comes from the root word holy. The word holy means to be separate or to separate. It means to be consecrated, to be set apart. And so to sanctify means to set something apart. And in fact, that's what the word saint is. When the Bible says that someone is a saint, Scripture is saying that person has been set apart by God. And so again, Never mind, I won't say it. I was going to talk about the Pope again, but I'm not. Jesus died on the cross to set the church apart to himself for his own special possession and for his own purpose. Titus 2.14 says, Jesus gave himself for us to redeem us from every lawless deed and to purify for himself a people for his own possession and zealous for good deeds. That's the purpose. That's the purpose. What Paul has in mind here is the universal church. We learned about this in our class this morning. Every true believer makes up the universal body of Christ. But that universal body is manifested in local churches such as this one. And so God commands every true believer to congregate in a local church. And so I bring this up because recently, well, a few months ago, a lady said to me, well, I have my own relationship with Jesus. I don't need the church. I don't go to church. The Bible says, actually, if you're not a part of a local church, and if you don't have a right understanding and appreciation for the local church, a biblical local church, chances are you're not regenerate, you're not saved. Because Jesus died for his church. Jesus died for the bride. So if anyone says that to you, you know that's not a true Christian. True believers belong to a local church. That's what the entire New Testament says. Now what did Jesus set us apart from? To sanctify. He set us apart from what? From the world. He separated His bride from the world, so that she no longer is to resemble the world. He separated her from the corruption of the world. And He separated her from sin. that she would be released from her sins and the consequences of her sins. Revelation 1 verse 5, to Him who loves us and released us from our sins by His blood, by His death. And so, apart from Christ's sacrificial death, the church could not be holy. It would not be possible. What Paul is saying here is that religion cannot make you holy, acceptable to God. Who is the one who is sanctifying here? Jesus. Jesus Christ sanctifies the bride. Good works cannot make you holy in the eyes of God. Only the blood of Christ can sanctify you, make you into a saint. Hebrews 13 verse 12, therefore Jesus also that he might sanctify the people through his own blood suffered outside the gate. And so on an individual basis, The moment a person repents of their sins and believes in the Lord Jesus Christ, at that very moment, that person is sanctified positionally before God, set apart unto God. But what's also in view here is what we call progressive sanctification. Progressive sanctification means that a person is constantly being made holy, conformed to the image of Christ as they live in this world. A person who is being sanctified is actively putting sin to death in their lives. And so when you ask the question, who belongs to the universal bride of Christ? It is the person who is being sanctified. Do you understand? Who has been sanctified by Christ? The person who is also being sanctified, being made holy, being conformed into the image of Jesus. How are we sanctified? John 17, 17 says, Sanctify them by your truth. Your word is truth. In Matthew 4, 4, Jesus said, Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God. 1 Peter 2, 2 says, Earnestly desire the pure milk of the word, so that you might grow thereby. It is through the study and the hearing and the meditating upon and the memorizing of the Word of God, as we apply it in the power of the Spirit, that we are being sanctified. Now, how did Jesus sanctify His bride? What method of sanctification did He use? Verse 26, having cleansed her, The word cleanse is where we get the English word to catheterize from, to clean of impurity, to remove impurity. And so this is a moral cleansing, a purging of sin in someone's life. The church has been cleansed of her sins. Christ sanctified through cleansing. And how did he cleanse? Look at the rest of verse 26. He says, by the washing of water by the Word. This is not in reference to water baptism. Water baptism doesn't remove sin. 1 Peter 3.21 makes that clear. Apart from an inward reality of a cleansed heart, water baptism is simply a plunge in water. Is it important? Yes. But it doesn't save. What Paul is doing here is he's speaking metaphorically that the blood of Jesus has washed away our sins. Notice how this washing takes place. He says, having washed her with the washing of water, with the word, having cleansed her with the word. In this context, the word speaks of the gospel of Jesus Christ. At what moment were you washed clean? At what moment in your life were your sins forgiven? The moment you believed the gospel. Ephesians 1 verse 13 says, After listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation, having also believed, you were sealed in him with the Holy Spirit of promise. In John 15 verse 3, Jesus said to the disciples, You are already clean because of the word which I have spoken to you. 1 Corinthians 6.11, Paul says, such were some of you, but you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the spirit of our God. So in the Greco-Roman culture, there was this ceremony that the bride-to-be would perform. It was a bridal shower or a bridal bath. And she would take this bath before being married to her husband. And it signified the cleansing of purity. And this is what Paul seems to have in mind here. He's borrowing this imagery and applying it spiritually, because if you look at verse 27, he goes on to say that the bride is presented to Jesus Christ. Now, is there something for husbands to learn here in verse 26? I don't think Paul is saying specifically that the husband is to wash his wife with the Word, but that's certainly an application we can make. We can make that application. And so what we learn is that the husband who loves his wife, loves her by instructing her from the Word of God, speaking truth into her life, encouraging her from the Word of God, reminding her of God's promises, making sure she's at church with you each Sunday to hear the Word of God. Because husbands are the spiritual leaders in the house. You are the Bible teacher in your home. And you are to make her, in a sense, we are to make our wives holy by cleansing them with the Word, teaching them the truth, keeping them from anything that would corrupt them. And this is perhaps your greatest act of love for your wife, husband, to point her to Christ in His Word. Now finally, what's the purpose of Jesus' sanctifying the bride? Look at verse 27. Why did he sanctify the bride? That he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. This looks ahead to what Dennis read for us this morning in Revelation, that the marriage supper of the Lamb, when his church is going to be united to Christ, He says she's going to be presented in all her glory. That means moral purity, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, no blemish, but that she would be holy and blameless. Something interesting I read here is that we find that the bride's beauty is not physical. Her beauty is moral. Holiness is beauty to God. And I think in our age of pornography and adultery and sensuality, this is something that both men and women in the church ought to remember, that to God what is beautiful is holiness, sanctification. It's not to say that the wife ought to neglect her physical appearance that's also not godly. The point is that the wife's primary concern is growth in Christlikeness. John Piper once said, the aim of the godly husband in his desire is for the wife's change into the conformity of Christ, not into his own conformity. In other words, The husband's primary goal for his wife is for her to be conformed to Christ, not for her to be conformed to what you want her to be, selfishly. And so it's a radical change of perspective that we need. Jesus died to beautify his bride. So yes, the bride, the wife, is called to submit to her husband, but the ideal is that she submits to this sort of husband who loves her. And so it's an active love, it's an intentional love, it's a self-denying love, it's a sacrificial love, a selfless love. unconditional and benevolent. And that's only part of it as we will look at the rest of the husband's responsibility next week. Let's pray. Thank you, Lord, for your word. Thank you for the scriptures and your truth. I do ask that you would sanctify your church, that you would help us to grow in holiness. that you would help us to grow in conformity to Christ. And Father, that if there be anyone in our church this morning or listening online that does not know Jesus, that this very moment they would turn away from their sins and place all of their faith in Him alone. And this we ask in your son's holy name. Amen.