So what we're going to talk about now is how to show your husband your love for him by being a helpmate and a companion in his life pursuits. Sometimes my brain gets ahead of my mouth, which I guess that's better than my mouth ahead of my brain, but makes it hard to understand. Okay, who has Ecclesiastes 9, verses 7 through 9? Go eat your bread with joy and drink your wine with a merry heart, for God has already approved what you do. Let your garments be always white, let not oil be lacking in your head. Enjoy life with your wife whom you love all the days of your vain life that he has given you under the sun, because that is your portion in life and in your toil at which you toil under the sun. Okay, good. So what does this passage say should happen between the husband and the wife? What kind of this should be a characteristic of their relationship? What is he supposed to do? Does it say he's supposed to enjoy life, enjoy life with a woman whom you love? And then it says in the next line, for this is your reward in life. Your relationship with your husband should be full of joy, and it is his reward. So remember that. It's easy for us to get caught up in all the things we have to do, taking care of the house and the kids and work. all the different activities and balancing the schedule and taking care of finances and planning for the future and all this kind of stuff. Sometimes we just need to enjoy life. And I think I was talking in the food line with somebody that I think that's one of the blessings of COVID in the midst of all the things that are not blessings is that we've had to slow down because we were forced to. Whether we wanted to or not, activities were canceled. We weren't going places. My big event of the week was to go to the grocery store and pick up my groceries I had ordered online. Okay. So enjoy life. That is one thing God wants us to do and he's giving us permission to do it. If you think you need permission. Proverbs 5.18. Hey, your fountain be blessed. and may you rejoice in the life of your youth. Good. The literal word for rejoice here is revel. When you think of revel as, you know, some little kid dancing around in the rain or something, just completely rejoicing and happy. Okay. God desires for us to enjoy our relationship with our husband. Genesis 2, 18, the Lord God said, Okay, so first notice what does God say about man being alone? It's not good. So therefore us being married to him is a good thing in God's eyes It's a good thing that you were married. It's a good thing for your husband. You are a good deal for him So let that be an encouragement And then it describes his creation of Eve. I will make him a helper suitable for him. And literally, this means corresponding to or fitting together like pieces of a puzzle. I meant to bring a puzzle, two puzzle pieces, and I just forgot. But if you put a puzzle, my mother loves puzzles. And so when we were in Oklahoma City this last week, I saw one of the puzzles they were putting together. And it's, it's, you know, I kept trying to find a piece and I would, it would almost fit together, but there would be some little part that didn't quite fit or you would think it fit, but it didn't, there was an extra space or it wouldn't quite go together. Well, God says that he created you as a helper suitable for your husband, exactly fitting together. Your strengths will compliment his weaknesses and vice versa. Most of the time we marry someone who is opposite from us. My husband's outgoing, I'm not. My husband's a people person. I regularly pray that God will expand my borders and strengthen my stakes and I can learn to be more outgoing. The natural bent is what God's given you, but we can also grow and develop in areas. But in terms of how we fit together, I think I shared earlier when I was talking about uh, learning to let my husband make choices and trust God for them, for the results. Um, uh, when we are working in harmony with each other, we are much better together than either of us are apart. And that's the way he's designed all of us in our marriages. So it's good to know that that's God's goal. That's God's goal, is to make us work together as a couple, to fit together. One of the versions talks about us being complete. We are completed in a sense by our husbands, not in the sense of us being lacking, but in the sense of when we are in harmony with our husbands, we are kind of two halves who fit together into a whole, in a whole different way. It's a positive thing. Let's see. Let me give you some examples of how to be the helpmate and companion. Oh, but first, let's look at a different verse. Did I give someone 1 Corinthians 11, 9? Neither was man created for a woman, but a woman for man. OK. Does this mean that we are second in importance to men? No. It just has to do with the order in which God created us. It doesn't have to do with value or worth. But it does talk about things that I can do to help my husband. For instance, career. Who do I want to be helping him and praising him? I want to do that. I don't want some other lady at the office or somebody else to be filling that role in his life. I want to do it. For instance, I have a friend who is an art history major. She spent a summer studying in Italy with all the old masters, and she's an artist herself. But she married a guy who's a computer programmer, just about as opposite as you can imagine. So she took a computer course so that she could speak the same language he spoke. You know, I never would have even thought of that, but I thought it was neat that she was thinking she wanted to be a part of his world, and so she chose a way to do that. Why do other women praise him more than I do, and what are the results? That's dangerous, isn't it? Make your presence known in his workplace. Take him lunch. Give him a picture, framed picture, to put on the desk of you and the kids. His secretary should know your voice when you call. She'd be that familiar with it, she'd know to put you right through to him. Know how to be able to talk about what he does during the day. What meetings does he have? Now, it may be easier if he's working at home right now, but as things change where he's back more working on his own, or maybe you are working too, so you're both going your different directions during the day, make sure that you can talk about what he's doing. Make treats. to send to his co-workers at the office. One of my son-in-laws teaches at the university level, and his wife, my daughter, at Christmas, makes little packages of sweet bread, like pumpkin bread and all those different kinds, cranberry bread, that kind of stuff you make, and wraps them up, and they put a little card on it, and he takes it to all his co-workers, and they love it. Well, that's a way for her to be involved in his life in a positive way, but it also sends the signal, I have a wife who's involved in my life. I have a wife who knows what goes on in the office. I have no secrets from my wife. She is totally involved in my life. You know, it's a good, it's kind of a win-win. It's a good situation. So just ask about what's going on, what things are maybe he's struggling with at work. Be involved in that. You should be his greatest fan if he's involved in sports. If he likes to play tennis, go watch a match. My husband loves football on TV, except for right now he's kind of down on all of them. But before that all happened, it was really special to him for me to sit beside him when he watched football on TV. I could care less about football, but I love him. And so we kind of communicated on it. It didn't bother him for me to be folding laundry or or doing something else while I sat beside him, as long as when somebody made a good play or a bad play, I was present enough in the moment to cheer or fuss or whatever he was doing. In other words, to be involved in what he was watching. So figure out a way to be involved in your husband's leisure activities. When we were first married, my husband loved to play racquetball. I'm not very athletic. I don't even know if I can describe what, you know, anything athletic I do is because I'm required to for health, you know, not out of a, yeah, I shoot a slingshot. That's about all. I shoot squirrels in my backyard with a slingshot. That's about as athletic as I get. But my husband loved racquetball. So I, and he loved playing tennis. So I took a class in playing tennis and I went with him to play racquetball a couple of times, which is similar to tennis, just a different, little bit different format. And I was terrible at it, but I really felt like if I persevered enough, I could probably reach Probably not the level of being competitive with him, but at least it was something we could do together that wouldn't be totally frustrating. So that was my plan. Well, then I got pregnant. And then I got pregnant. And then I got pregnant. And then I got pregnant. So it kind of shot the idea of participating in some of his sports with him. But I can still be a fan. I can still cheer on the sidelines. And I can still be interested in what he's interested in. And that's really the whole point. Now, one of my daughters-in-law, I guess it's my only daughter-in-law, is very athletic. She regularly does stuff with my son, and now their kids do too. They run marathons, they run triathlons, they hike in the mountains, and do all kinds of pretty rugged stuff. My little granddaughters were explaining to me the other day the difference between car camping and backpack camping. I didn't even know there was a difference, but it's if you drive your car to the campsite versus packing your tent and everything in a backpack and hiking into the wilderness. And they do both. You know, she is definitely involved in my son's life. So I'm not sure, I think I could do the car camping. I'm not sure I could even do the other kind without them having to carry me out on a stretcher. But the point is, you figure out how to be involved in your husband's interests, whatever he's interested in. Okay? Be his helpmate and companion. We've already talked about letting him dream. um, allow him to be vulnerable without freaking out. For instance, I knew a woman whose husband came back from a meeting and told her he really wanted to go on a mission trip. Well, she lost it. She's how can you leave me and the children? You're gonna die. You're gonna not be able to come back. I mean, she had a total freaking out relationship. Well, he was just at the point of talking about it. He had not signed anything or committed any money, but it totally killed the idea for him, of course, because of her strong reaction. Allow him to fail and see you supporting him. We talked about that. With no recriminations. I told you so. No fear. What will happen to us now that you've quit your job? You know, all this kind of stuff. Let him be supportive to him, be on his team. If your husband knows you are on his team, he can face just about anything and come through it. Not that it'll be easy, but he can face it because you're on his team. Share his goals, not just live your life centered around the children. It is so easy to do that just because of the time it takes. Um, you can prevent your husband's spiritual growth by limiting his availability for the ministry. Um, my husband was meeting with a man in Bible study and his wife announced one day that, uh, he could no longer meet with John because, um, it was interfering with her Bible study. She was leading because she had to stay with the kids during that time. So he couldn't meet with John. So she effectively. shut down her husband's growth in that area of one-to-one meeting by insisting that his schedule accommodate hers instead of trying to figure out the other way around. What does his heart burn to accomplish for the Lord? Do you know his desires for the future? What are his gifts? Where does he want to serve? How can you be involved in it? You can have your own goals, but beware of becoming too independent of each other in that respect. We knew of a pastor living in one city whose wife was living in another city. because she felt like her ministry to children would not allow her to move with him when his job was transferred. That's wrong. They need to work a way out. It's not that she is not as important than he is, but living apart was not the solution to the problem, and it did damage their relationship. Don't have your own schedule so full that you aren't available to be involved with him. Communicate before taking on another responsibility. And if something happens, be willing to abandon your own plans in order to be available to him. Now that can be a hard thing. I was, I think somebody mentioned I taught school for 15 years while my kids were all in school themselves. And I was teaching foreign language and once a year we have a state foreign language teachers conference which is a big deal and my school paid for it. for me to go, so I had the hotel room, everything all paid for, was ready to go, and my husband was in Nigeria and was due to come home after I got back. It was a weekend conference. After I got back from the conference, so I could pick him up at the airport. Well, he called me and said that he had been able to catch an earlier flight, so he was coming home two days earlier. I don't know if he remembered that I had this conference or not, but I contacted my principal, told him that I wasn't going to be able to go even though it had been planned. I had to refund the money that they had already paid. It did not sit well with my principal for me to change plans like that at the last minute. But you have to choose your priorities. And at that point in time, my husband was my priority. But you know, he still, that was about 20 years ago, he still talks about that. It made an impression on him. I've made enough impressions the other way, I need to do the good ones as much as I can. So be involved, supporting your husband, being a helpmate and companion is all about just being involved in his life, taking the time and making the effort to be a part of what he's doing. And we looked at that verse in Genesis 2.18. God made us suitable for him, so you can do it. You can do it. You just have to figure out how to work it. Do you know what his vision is? Talk about how you can contribute to his desire for involvement with the church, whatever ministry he wants to be a part of. How can you contribute? Hospitality. Open your home to meetings and Bible studies. I've known ladies who said they couldn't host things because their house wasn't nice enough or it wasn't big enough or, you know, lots of different reasons. It will minister to your husband in a special way if he knows that your home is available to participate and support his ministry. How about administration? Can you edit, type, staple? do office kind of work that will help him, especially if he's like teaching a Sunday school class or leading a Bible study or a home group, be an encourager. We can all do that. When you are working with people, it is easy to get discouraged just because people are messy, aren't they? And when you're ministering to people, there are times when we feel like our efforts are not enough. We're not accomplishing what we want. So be an encourager. You can also be a model and a disciple, the Titus 2 woman. Teach the younger women. Let them come to your home. When we were still doing student ministry, I was a new mom. Our oldest was three months old. We didn't have a washing machine, so I went to the laundromat once a week to wash our clothes. And I used to put her down to sleep in one of those little roller basket things, but one of the girls in the student ministry really wanted to spend time together. And at that point in my life, I just didn't have it. You know, she needed to come alongside something else I was doing. So that's what she did. She met me at the laundromat and we had, you know, a couple of, maybe an hour and a half or so of good talk time together, talking about how she was growing, what was going on, decisions she was facing while I did my laundry. Um, we are still in touch and that was over 40 years ago. So God can use just if we're willing to be available to support our husbands in the kind of ministry he's doing. And what did I want? Did I want my husband as a young minister to meet with these single women alone himself? No. Not really. And it was just a way I could lift his load. So that's all part of being a helpmeet. A helpmeet is someone who helps wherever they are needed. And like I said, it's someone who completes and provides what our husband is lacking in himself. It does involve sacrifice. I quit teaching to travel with John. because I felt like that's what God wanted me to do, and because He truly wanted to do that and had the opportunity to do that, and did not want to do it without me. So I was department head at my school. But it was one of the best decisions I ever made. We have had wonderful experiences together. And we figured out how to go back to living on one income. You know, by that time, our kids were, we only had one still in college. At one time, we had three at the same time in university, so we needed my income. Uh, but we were, we figured out a way to do it financially. It's not his ministry or my ministry, but it's our ministry. And if what he's doing is more upfront that what I'm doing, then that's fine. I'm a part of what his is going on in his life right now. I'm up in front of you guys, but we do many conferences like this where my job is to write on the board and pass out papers. and basically help him look good, and that's okay. I am happy to do that. We are not competing. I do not feel like I'm in any way missing anything by being in the background. Actually, if I were honest, I kind of prefer it. It's a little harder for me to be the one up front, but that's okay. You know, if God provides opportunity, then I don't want to turn it down. So let's stop and take about a 10-minute break, and then we will come back for our final session. Okay?