Well, tonight we're going to be taking a look at the subject of a godly husband. Before we do that, I'd like to just kind of maybe bring some things into focus. If you notice, this whole series has been on biblical counseling. And you notice we haven't brought in books, 12 steps, eight steps on how to fill in the blank, how to get rid of anger, how to do this or that. Our focus has been upon God's Word. That is where we get the answers in living life, is from God's Word. Recently, I had a discussion with a guy from Poland. And he was very much interested in biblical counseling. He was a believer, very much interested in biblical counseling. And one of the things that he asked me, he said, is there room for psychology in with biblical counseling? And the fact that he was integrating the two together and wanting to know if you could do that. And I told him, you know, what you're doing, you're mixing man's thinking with God's thinking. And you're putting those together. And they don't fit. They really don't fit. In fact, what you're doing, you're taking 1 Peter 2, verse 3, and you're saying that it's a lie, which it says God's Word is sufficient for life. It gives instruction. I said, you're saying that that's a lie, that that's really not true. And then what else you're doing, you're putting man's authority over God in doing that. I said, so to answer your question, no, you can't take psychology and the Bible and its instruction and put together and come up with a, an integrated type of, of methodology in, in seeing how we're to live life. It doesn't work. And that's what we've done here. We haven't done that. What we've done, we've taken a look at God's word. That's our source. That's our source of instruction is God's word. Tonight we're taking a look at being a godly husband. And I will say that this is probably a portion of life in which there is a lot of confusion with the role of the husband and the role of the wife. Now, Linda has talked to the women about the role of a wife, and I hope that the guys that are married here have had some conversation with your wife as what has gone on over there with the group that Linda has taught. It would be good if you haven't to have those discussions to see what they're being taught as well. But tonight we're going to take a look at the role of husband. And I will also say that probably marital conflicts are probably one of the major things in life that counselors deal with is marital conflicts. And hopefully from the perspective of the man's point, we can take a look and see what God says about the role of a husband and that we can live out that role according to what God says. Now, single guys. Don't zoom me out. Don't say, well, you know, this is for husbands. I can leave. Maybe not physically. I can leave mentally. It doesn't apply. Blah, blah, blah. If you'll take a look and listen to what is being said as far as the husbands, you can actually apply these things in your life now. And you'll see that as we go through. So yeah, it might be good in preparation for possible marriage down the road. But it's excellent things that we can learn now as men, as single men. So, okay. What does it mean to be a godly husband? The meaning of that, if a man is obedient to God's word, how he's to operate, that would solve a lot of conflicts. And I would say that roughly half of marital problems would disappear. half of the marital problem, because half of the problems are probably with men, the other half are with women, but half of the marital problems would disappear in applying these concepts. So we're gonna take a look at being a godly husband, and I've got a real simple outline. I know guys, I'm the type of guy, I'm an engineer, I like it simple. The simpler, the better. And here I've got an outline, the husband's role as leader, lover, and learner. Leader, lover, and learner. And we'll take a look at that tonight. Those three items, and I'm sure there may be some others, but these three I think are key in being a godly husband. So the first one, leader. A husband is a leader. Let's take a look at Genesis 3. And this is back at the creation. God sets this up as far as the husband being the leader. Genesis 3. Someone read verse 16. Genesis 3. To the woman He said, I will greatly multiply your pain and childbirth. In pain He will bring forth children. Yet your desire will be for your husband. and He will rule over you. That sets it up right there. The husband is to rule over the man. The husband is supposed to rule over the wife. We see this same concept being confirmed by Paul in 1 Corinthians 13. Excuse me, 1 Corinthians 11, verse three, Paul says, but I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ. And then in Ephesians 5, verse 23, he says, for the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the savior of the body. The role of the husband is that over the wife. That doesn't mean that men are better than women. It's a role. It's a function. It's a function of a man to be the leader over the woman. It's not to say that men are any smarter than women. If you want to look at the IQs, there are some women that are They're smarter than their men, the husbands. So it's not having to do with that they're better or men are smarter. It's just that is the role. that God has given man to be over. It's a responsibility that God has given to men just as God has given responsibilities to women in their role. Being a leader doesn't mean that you're a dictator. It doesn't mean that you make all the decisions. It doesn't mean that you are elevated above women. That's not the case. In Genesis chapter 2, if you go back, verses 15 through 18, you'll notice in 18 that when the Lord God said, it is not good for man to be alone, He was saying there needs to be a companion, somebody with man. He says, and I will make him a helper suitable for him. Meaning that person that God created, that woman that he created for Eve was to be a helper. Someone that was compatible with him. Someone to come alongside and be not only a companion, but a helper and functioning out in that marital relationship. So what makes a good leader? And I've got four points here, and we'll take a look at in scripture. A good leader is one that serves. And you can take these four concepts, these four ideas, and you can apply them to leading people in your work. It's the same thing along that line. So, a leader is to serve. A leader is to be an example. A leader is to be a teacher. And a leader is to be a manager. And let's take a look at these. First one, a leader is to serve. Matthew 20, verses 24-28 says, And hearing this, the ten became ignominious with the two brothers. But Jesus called them to himself and said, You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them. and their great men exercise authority over them. It is not the way among you, but whoever wishes to become great among you shall be your servant. And whoever wishes to be first among you shall be your slave. Just as the son of man did not come to be served, but to serve and to give his life a ransom for many." Christ is our example here of service. We're to serve our wife, serve our children. So what does that look like? What does it look like a husband serving his wife, serving his kids? Fixing those things around the house that need fixing. Just doing maintenance around the house. Washing the dishes every once in a while. There's nothing wrong with men washing dishes or putting the dishes in the dishwasher. That's not demeaning of men, okay? Vacuuming the house, same thing, okay? Household chores that she normally performs, you can pick up and do every now and then, okay? That's serving your wife in doing such things. It's serving her. Set the example, Philippians chapter four, verse nine. Let's turn to this one. This is a good one. Philippians chapter 4. Someone read this, please. Out loud. That we may learn, and receive, and heard, and seen, and read, and practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. Notice what Paul is saying here to the church there at Philippi. He said, these things that you have seen in me, or have learned from me and received and heard, you've seen those things also in me. What is he saying? I practiced what I preached. I practiced what I preached. So what does this look like for leaders? What do they do? In this case, as a husband, Don't get angry. You don't want your wife to be angry. Set the example. Don't you be angry. Don't you get angry. Patience. Be patient towards your wife. Be patient towards your kids. And singles, you can be patient towards others. You can practice this yourself. Be generous with your time and with your money. Be generous. You want your kids to be sharing, but are you demonstrating that? Are you being an example for your kids as well? Practice what you preach. Be that example before them. Be a teacher. Be a teacher of God's word. And in this, being a teacher, I'm taking it specifically as spiritual leadership, but it can be other things as well that you can teach your wife and teach your kids as well. But along the spiritual lines, in Deuteronomy chapter six, remember Moses, he said, these words, which I'm commanding you today, the children of Israel, He says, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons. And she'll talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, when you rise up, you should bind them as signs on your hand and they shall be funnels on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates. Notice there's not only instruction given, they're to instruct their children, their sons, but they're also putting those instructions up. They're displaying them also visibly for their children. Just so that they, being the children of Israel, remembered what Moses said, he goes, and he says it again in Deuteronomy chapter 32, at the end of the book, it's almost like these are bookends. to the whole book of Deuteronomy in chapter 32, verse 46. Then when Moses had finished speaking all these words to all Israel, he said to them, take to your heart all these words, which I'm warning you today, and you shall command your sons to observe carefully even all the words of this law. For it is not idle word for you, indeed it is your life. And by this word you will prolong your days in the land which you are about to cross the Jordan to possess." He's reiterating, saying, remember what I've taught you. Men, as husbands of your family, teach your family. Teach your wife. Teach your children. What does that look like? Lead in prayer. Just spending time with your wife in prayer. Spending time with your wife in reading scripture. Spending time talking about spiritual things. In that way, you're teaching her. She's probably going to be teaching you as well. It's probably going to be a reciprocal thing, OK? Manage the family unit management. You do not have to do or make all the decisions yourself. As the head of the household, as ruling over, as being the leader in the family, a good manager uses the assets that he has. And those assets can be most definitely his wife. That's a key component in making the family unit run well, is using the wife as part of the assets and managing the corporation, if you will. In 1 Timothy, turn to 1 Timothy chapter three. In chapter three, Paul sets down some characteristics of an elder. Sets down characteristics of the elder. If you look in verse four, he says he must be one who does what? Manages his household poorly. No. Manages his household well. Manages his household well. Notice that if you go on to verse eight, where he's talking about deacons. Deacons likewise must be men of dignity, not double-tongued or addicted to much wine, fond of assorted gain, but holding on to the mysteries of faith, making clear the conscience. These men also must be first tested. Let's see, let me go on down. Verse 12, deacons must be husbands of only one wife and good, what? Managers of their children and of their households. The husbands were to be good managers of their households. As a manager, one of the things you do, you delegate. You delegate responsibilities. You can delegate to your wife, let her take care of the home. Let her decorate the home. That's her place. It's normally their dominion is the home. Let them decorate it. Let them do what they want. Let and support her in doing that. If she wants pictures put up, help her put the pictures up on the wall or change pictures or whatever. Delegate things to your wife. You can also delegate household chores to your kids. You can delegate those things. That's part of being a good manager, not doing everything yourself, but delegating it out. Okay. Let your wife help you in some of the decisions that are to be made. Have her be one that she can talk to you about those decisions and you can have conversations. And then say, well, what do you think? And let her make the decision on that. Delegate those things. So why is it that a husband's role is that of a leader? Why did God delegate to the husband leadership of the house? 1 Corinthians 14, verse 33 says, For God is not a God of confusion, but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints, God has set an order between the husband and wife so that the family unit functions and it's not chaotic. It's not chaotic. What does it look like when men do not take the role of leadership? You have an unmanaged household, you have conflicts, you have chaos. Children also need to see the husband, their dad being that leader that gives them security, a sense of security in that house to see someone is taking the lead. Someone's making those decisions. God has set up man as the one who's responsible for the direction of the family unit. So a godly husband is a leader who serves, he's the example, he's the teacher, and he's the manager of the house. Okay, second item, husband as lover. Men, our leadership has to be coded, it has to be submerged, It has to be infiltrated. It has to be gushing with love. It has to be that way. Leadership involves loving as well. Ephesians, someone read Ephesians 5, 25 through 33 and look for the number of times Paul says, love your wives in that passage. So go ahead, someone read that please. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the Church and gave himself up for her, so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, that he might present to himself the Church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of his body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife, even as himself. And the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." Okay, how many times in those verses is it stated that the husband is to love his wife? How many? Four? Okay. Do you think that's important? I think it's very important. He says it over and over again. He wants the men to get it. He wants the men to get it. You're to love your wife. Lots of times men, they misinterpret verse 31 where it says, for this reason man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined with his wife and the two shall become one flesh. They think they're the one flesh. They're the flesh. They're the one. They're the one. Okay, so what is the definition of love? What is the biblical definition of love? Well, what love isn't, it's not emotion. Love is not emotion. Love is not a feeling. Love is not affection. Now you can demonstrate love having those things, but that's not what love is. The biblical definition of love is self-sacrifice for the benefit of others. Self-sacrifice for the benefit of others. That is biblical love. And where do we see that? John 3.16. John 3 16 for God loved the world in this way. He gave his only one son that sacrifice that was self-sacrifice giving of a son. So that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life that benefited us. So God loved the world in this way that he did self-sacrifice and giving him a son that we might have eternal life. And it was for our benefit. That is love. That is biblical love. Paul says the same thing. If you remember in Ephesians chapter five, it says, husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and what he gave himself up for her at self-sacrifice. Self-sacrifice so that he might sanctify her. That was for her benefit. having cleansed her by the washing and water with the word that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless." It's for her benefit, the church's benefit. God sacrificed his son for our benefit. That's the demonstration. That's the definition of love. So men, are you loving your wives? Are you loving your wives? Are you self-sacrificing for your wife? Do you give up your desires and wants for her? Do you sacrifice for her benefit or do you sacrifice for your benefit? What are your motives? What are your motives? I've listed here some practical things to show love. Show interest in her interest. Ask her questions about her hobby. Buy her her favorite candy bar. Or buy her a single flower and give it to her. Read scripture together. We talked about that. Clean off the table after dinner. Take her shopping for something, a clothing item that she wants. That's sacrifice of your time and of your money. That's for her. That's for her. So when husbands are unloving, what does that look like in that relationship? There's where selfishness rules. That's what it looks like. Selfishness rules. Breeds greed. There's conflict because there's no love. There's no love. Pastor mentioned this passage in James is so, so great. James chapter four. Turn to 4 verses 1 through 3. James chapter 4 verses 1 through 3. What are the source of your quarrels and conflicts among you? Is it is not the source of your pleasure that wage war against your measured members? You lust and you do not have, so you commit murder. You're envious and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives so that you may spend it on your pleasures. So what is James addressing here? Is he addressing the root problem being quarrels? No. How about conflicts? That's the root problem is conflicts. No. Is he addressing the pleasures of that wage war? No. Lust? Murder? Envy? Fighting? Asking with wrong motives? No. What he's addressing is selfishness. He's addressing selfishness. That is the root problem that James hits on, is selfishness. A godly husband is one that is a leader and he is a lover. One that self-sacrifices for the benefit of his wife or for others. Single guys, can you love someone? Absolutely. Because you can self-sacrifice for the benefit of others. You can do self-sacrifice for the benefit of those members in the church. You can practice love. You can practice love. Okay, husband. Third point, husband is a learner. Turn to 1 Peter 3, verse 7. Peter says, you husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way as with some one weaker, since she is a woman and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered. Men, this is a sober, this is a sober verse in here. It's very emphatic, you husbands. He's addressing husbands. He's not addressing the wives. He's done that in the previous verses. He's addressing husbands. Peter addresses the husband with one verse. In this whole passage, there's one verse about husbands. And in this verse, there are two commands. There's two commands and there's a promise that's given. What are the commands? If you look at, well, let's take a look at the context. First Peter, if you look, starting with verse 13, he talks about submission to government. Verse 18, submission of servants. Chapter three, verse one, submission of wives. Husbands in the same way, submission to your wife in the sense that you're looking out for her and understanding her. as a person, and you're also not only in understanding her, but you're also giving her honor. So the commands are to live with your wife in an understanding way. What does that mean? How do you live with your wife in an understanding manner? It's living speaks of close intimacy. It's the idea of not only from a physical standpoint, but from a total person standpoint. Being one with your wife, you just don't eat and sleep in the house. There's a relationship, there's companionship, there's communication between the two. She's not your slave. She's a partner with you. You're one with her. There's a unit there. Note that Peter doesn't qualify this command by saying, you husbands of believing wives. He doesn't say that. In fact, you could interpret this to mean just the opposite. Husbands of unbelieving wives and where do I get that go back to verse 1 of the third chapter? He's Peter says in the same way you wives be submissive to your own husbands that even if any of them are disobedient to the word They may be one without a word by the behavior of the wives that is a believing wife and an unbelieving husband And if you carry that on back to the servants, He's not telling the servants, you servants are servants of believing masters. No, no, no, no. Verse 18, servants be submissive to your masters with all respect, not only to those that are good and gentle, but also those that are unreasonable, that are unreasonable. And if you look in verse 13, he's talking about submitting to every human institution, whether to a king or one in authority. Who's in authority? Rome. Was that a Christian nation? No. So if you take this context, you could make an argument that husbands, if you're living with an unbelieving wife, you're to live with her in an understanding way, you're to work with her, you're to honor her. That's pretty sobering. It's pretty sobering. If you look at what it means to live in an understanding way, the New International Version translates this, be considerate. which speaks of an attitude, but it's not really the full focus of this whole phrase of living in an understanding way. The King James has it in accordance to knowledge or with knowledge. This is a better, probably a little bit better translation. You're to live with your wife in accordance to knowledge as you know her. as you know her, you're to live with your wife with knowledge, not with perceptions or opinions of what she likes or doesn't like, or what she needs or doesn't need. It's consideration of her with understanding of who she is and what she's like. Men, we've got to be active students of our wives. We've got to be active students of our wives. We only have one wife to which we are to study. It's doable. It's possible. It's doable. It's possible. It's been said that no man with any sense assumes that what a woman's word means to her means exactly the same as it means to him. Now, guys that are married, you understand what that's saying. How many times have we heard the words come out of our wives' mouths, and that's not what she meant. But that's what she said. And that's what went in our heads. What we've got to do, we've got to develop an understanding of our wife. We've got to understand that. Men, study your wives. It takes work. It takes effort. It takes time to listen to her. It takes time to listen to her. We have to ask questions of her. We got to seek understanding. As you well know, there are times where she doesn't even know what she wants. That's okay. Be patient. Be patient. She did not come with, this is how to live with me manual. And neither did you. And neither did you. You will never exhaust your understanding of her. It's a challenge, but it's well worth the effort. Know not the cover, but the content. Know what's inside her, what makes her tick. Peter goes on to say, we're to have, let's see. We're to live with their wives in an understanding way as with someone weaker. Some people look at this and they say that, okay, women are weaker and physical. Physically, they're weaker. Yeah, you can say that, but I tell you, I don't think I'd want to go through childbirth. Okay. If you look at the way this is worded, you're supposed to live with her in an understanding way as with, as with a weaker, like a weaker vessel. It doesn't mean she is one as though she was one. It's like you take a vessel and you treat it with care. You treat it with care. It may be very stout and very sturdy, but you treat it with care because it is worth value. It's worth the value. This doesn't mean that the wife is any lower spiritual plane than you. We see in Galatians, Paul puts the Greeks and the Jews and the slaves and the free, the male and female all on the same level. So it isn't like she's any less spiritual than you, okay? So he goes on, Peter says in the second command to grant her honor as fellow heir of the grace of life. Note this, this is not a conditional command. It doesn't say, if she submits to you, then you will honor her. It doesn't say if she loves you, then you will honor her. That's not what it says. It doesn't say if she cooked your favorite meal five times a week, then honor her. That's not what it says. It says, grant her honor. You're to do this, not regardless of what she does. What you do is not predicated upon her. What you do is to bring glory and honor to God in obedience to Him and Him alone. The word grant means to assign or portion out honor to her, be respectful, honest, courteous towards her. We're to cultivate the relationship with our wife, speak well of her. Speak to her with respect, not demeaning or putting down. How many times have you guys heard in the workforce married men put their wives down? How do they speak about their wives? Well, I got to clear it with the boss. Well, you know how women are, don't you? That's demeaning. That's putting down. Men, you're not to treat your wives like the other guys. Guys can have, you know, we can go back and forth and jest with one another. Your wife is not so. You're to hold her in high honor, high esteem. Don't talk bad about her in front of her or behind her. Even one. Rather speak highly, especially in front of others. That's counter to the culture. You start doing that, people are going, where are you coming from? You're being obedient to God's Word. That's where you're coming from. That's where you're coming from. You're to show her honor as a fellow Arab grace of life so that your prayers may not be You're to show her honor as a fellow heir of the greats of life is talking not about salvation, but about marriage. The best relationship in an earthly life has to offer is the marriage relationship. It's a marriage relationship. As men, we need to pray that God would give us a heart to honor our wives. Okay, the promise in verse seven here, so that your prayers may not be hindered. So we're to live with our wives in an understanding manner. We're to honor our wives as well. And the promise is so that our prayers will not be hindered. The word hindered here means to cut in on or throw obstacles in the way of or to cut up the road so that normal traffic can't go through. It's an obstacle. So in doing these things, in showing honor, in living with her in an understanding manner, does not throw up hindrances or blockades in your prayer life. Now, the first verse that came to my mind in thinking about this was Psalm 66, 18. If I regard wickedness in my heart, the Lord will not hear me. We can equate the two. Sin in our life and not living with our wives in an understanding manner and honoring her both result in our prayers being hindered. Both result in our prayers being hindered. Could it be that your prayer life is being hindered because of sin, because of not honoring your wife, because of not living with her in an understanding manner. Those are some things to think about, to evaluate in your own life. So men, cherish your wife. Be an excellent husband for your wife. Treat her special. Treat her with grace. Treat her kindly. Treat her as an elegant woman that she is as a priceless treasure. As a priceless treasure. Proverbs 31 10 an excellent wife. Who can find for her worth is far above jewels. She's worth a whole lot. She's worth a whole lot. If men were to lead, love and learn their wife, a lot of marital issues would be resolved. Not that there would not be any problems. Don't get me wrong there. But if men would do as God has commanded, it would probably put marriage counselors out of business. Okay. We're to lead as God intended us for our wives. We're to be the lover of our wife as God loved the church. We're to be the learner of our wife as the Holy Spirit directed Peter to write. Men, this is a challenge for myself. This is a challenge for you guys as well. To be that one that leads the one that manages, the one that is the lover, and the one that is the learner. That's a tall order, but God has given us His Holy Spirit to work within us to do these things. And I am so thankful for that. I'm so thankful for that. Let's close in word prayer. Father, I want to thank you for the time tonight and looking in your Word. Father, I pray as men that we would be leaders of our families. We'd be the lover of our wife. We would take time to study, to learn our wife. And Father, may we do this not to gain anything from them, but to bring honor to you. May our motivation be focused upon you and being obedient to your word. I know at times that we fail, and may we confess those times to our wives. But Father, may we continue on the track of being obedient. And I pray these things in your name. Amen.