Again, this morning we'll be looking at Ephesians 5, verses 28 through the end of the chapter, as we complete the husband-wife relationship that is so clearly set forth in the verses that we read earlier. In the past few messages, if you can remember back that far to the beginning of October, We began considering the wife's relationship to the husband, and then in verses 25 through 27, the husband's relationship to the wife, and how he is to love his wife as Christ loves the Church. And what a daunting undertaking that is for us, who on our best days don't grasp the incomprehensible depth of the love that Christ has for His bride, the Church. And we took a few weeks to consider in those verses how Christ loved His Church, in a justifying love as He gave Himself up for her, a substitute in her place, that sacrificial love that Christ showed His Church in verse 25. Then in verse 26, that He might sanctify her, purify her, cleanse her, So the purpose of him giving himself up for her was that he might sanctify her, and then ultimately that he might glorify her, in verse 27, to present his bride to himself without spot, without blemish, and without wrinkle. So we've considered in those messages this sacrificial, selfless love that a husband is to have towards his wife. how he should seek to purify his bride and prepare his bride for eternity. If you're a husband present this day, that is your calling. But in our text this morning, we carry out that thought even further. We see that a husband's love for his wife ought to be further characterized in three ways. In an understanding love for his wife, in an unending love for his wife, and in an uncommon love, or what Paul calls a profound mystery for his wife that is all borne up in this marriage relationship. So again, we'll be considering verses 28 through 33 this morning. I'll read those again. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh. but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the Church, because we are members of His body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the Church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Let's pray. Father, my prayer for this flock today is that we would know more of the depth and the meaning of this great marriage relationship, husband and wife, but more Christ and his church. In his name we pray. Amen. Well, the first characteristic that we see in verses 28 through 30 is the husband's love for his wife ought to be an understanding love. Paul says that not only is a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church, but now he says the husband is to love his wife as he loves himself. Now, you might stop and ask, hold on now. You just opened and you said over the prior messages that the husband's love for his wife is to be a selfless love. Not a selfish love. It is to be a sacrificial love that thinks of the wife before it thinks of himself, if he thinks of himself at all. That is the love that Christ had for his church. A selfless, sacrificial love. But here, Paul says that we are to love our wives, husbands, as we love ourselves. How does that work? How can both be true in one at the same time? A selfless love that is to love like self. Is this a contradiction even, you might ask? And again, I would say that's a good question. But let me, by way of example, remind you of a story that precedes what we know the story of the Good Samaritan in Luke chapter 10. In Luke chapter 10, verse 25, a lawyer, you remember, approaches Christ and put him to a test saying, teacher, what shall I do to inherit eternal life? And he said to him, what is written in the law? How do you read it? And this was a lawyer's occupation. He knew the law. He interpreted the law. He read the law. So Jesus is just casting the question back on the one who ought to have known. And then in Luke 10, 27, the lawyer answers, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind and your neighbor as yourself. Now, keep in mind, not only would that lawyer have understood that, but this is something that a Jewish man at the knee of his father would have recited every single day. This was written in their mind, emblazoned on their hearts. This was, in fact, the first law that God gave in its grandness to his people. Love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and your neighbor as yourself. And then in Luke 10, 28, Jesus says to him, you've answered correctly. Do this and you'll live. Do this and you will inherit eternal life. And the lawyer, And Luke gives a bit of a testimony here, if you will, an interpretation. The lawyer, desiring to justify himself, that was his problem, says to Jesus, who is my neighbor? Who's my neighbor? Now, that is a good question. However, it's always interested me that the first thought that comes to this lawyer's mind is concerning the identity of his neighbor but not what it means to love himself. That would have been my question. Yes, the neighbor is of importance, but how is this love for self, how is that demonstrated in a way that Jesus has just said is otherly, and that here Paul picks up with in Ephesians chapter 5. Now, we know in the context of the Lukean passage that Jesus is not calling for a self-centered love in loving self that thinks of self before others. In fact, just the opposite is true. He's trying to get this lawyer outside of himself. He's trying to teach that lawyer, again, an interpreter of the law, is that it is only as a man loves the Lord rightly that he's able to love others and himself rightly. The lawyer of all people should have recognized this truth because it's the Ten Commandments that reflect that truth. God's love for man and man's love for God in the first tablet of the law that's demonstrated in man's love for others in the second tablet of the law. You might have heard it said, man can't get the second tablet right unless they've got the first tablet right. And if they have the first tablet right, it will be shown in the second tablet in the way they love others. But all of that is necessary to have a right love for self. In other words, that love is demonstrated in a man's life as he understands more of God's love for him and his love for God. That's the foundation. that Jesus is trying to get the scribe to understand. The same principles that work here in the marriage relationship. In Christ, there's the key. In Christ, in union with Christ, a husband is to love his wife as he loves himself. Again, as a husband considers verses 25 through 27, as a husband more deeply understands the justifying love and the sanctifying love and the glorifying love that Christ sacrificially gave and continues to do in washing his bride in the spirit and the word, preparing her for eternity, as more of that resonates, in his own heart and in his own mind. In other words, the more he understands Christ's love for him and his love for Christ. That's why we just say, more love to thee, O Christ. Because it's only as we give more love to him that any of these other earthly relationships can be fulfilled in a way that honors and glorifies God. In Christ. is the key. Then, and only then, is any husband, me or any other, able to love his wife as Christ loves. Now, this love is characterized by two things found in verse 29. And by the way, the first part of this sermon of the three points is the longest point because I think it's foundational. Two things that love is characterized by in verse 29. The first is that of nourishing. Nourishing. In premarital counseling, one of the first things I consider in the first meeting, sitting before a young man and a young woman, is the husband's responsibility to nourish his wife. That is the husband's responsibility. It is the husband's responsibility to protect his wife. to provide for his wife, to nourish his wife in the physical things of this earth, but even more in spiritual things. And I say that in the very first meeting. It's the husband's responsibility to lead in praying for his wife and praying with his wife. He's to take the initiative. He's the one that is to be leading her in the Word of God, teaching her the Word of God, not the other way around. It is his responsibility to discern God's will for her in their marriage, not taking her individuality away from her and Christ sanctifying and growing her, but together as one that's borne out time and time and time in this text, walking together, he is to be the responsible party in the household. Now, again, I prayed earlier. It's the exception, not the rule in our society anymore, that there is a husband and a wife, a father and a mother resigning in the same household. That's tragic. But yet we can't be just throw in the towel and be defeated by this. We as believers in our marriage and in our parenting are to be the hope, the good news in the society where God's placed us. And so it's the man's responsibility, it's the husband's responsibility to lead, particularly spiritually, in nourishing his soon-to-be, if it's in counseling or if you are married now, your bride, to wash her in the word, to sanctify her, I've got to be honest, I find that it's more often in these premarital counselings that a twenty-something-year-old young lady is more physically, mentally, and spiritually mature than the man that she's about to marry. That saddens me. Because again, that doesn't mean I'm not going to wed them. What it means is the man needs to understand that he must change that, that the wife is not to be the spiritual leader in the household. Unfortunately, cultural research bears out the truth that I just said concerning the maturity of the young lady more than the man. Albert Moeller drew attention to this cultural issue five or six years ago. He said, you don't have to look far to find evidence of the fact that males are in trouble in these confused and confusing times. I found it interesting that Ed in his prayer opened with confused and confusing times. He says, you don't have to look far to find evidence that males are in trouble. On the university campuses, women undergraduate students outnumber young men by a clear margin, 60% to 40%. A frightening percentage of young males are or have been behind bars. And here, I would say, is a telling statistic. The vast majority of young men are delaying their assumption of adult roles and responsibilities until well into their twenties and early thirties. He wrote another article later that makes the statement that young boys that are leaving the household as 18, 19 or 20 year olds are really just older boys with bigger toys. They've not grown up. And we've interjected this idea of adolescence into our Western mindset. You know, the Bible doesn't talk about adolescence. It talks about children and adults, children and young men, young women. Now, I realize that we have teen years, but what's happened with this adolescence is there's this man-made social construct that is teaching young men that they don't need to think about marriage until after college. That you need to get your education first, that you need to get all your eggs in the basket, that you need to be financially secure, and then consider marriage. I've just got to be honest, that's not in the Bible. Fiscal responsibility, financial responsibility is in the Bible, but not till you're 24 or 25 years old. Preparation for marriage began in the Jewish audience at 12 years old, when they were considered to be entering into adulthood. I was just with a number of tribal groups in South Africa. They're preparing their young children for the future. Much different setting. It's not a Western mindset that's entered in. And so I think Moeller was right on target in this vast majority of young men are delaying the assumption of their adult roles and responsibilities until 30-something. He goes on. A crisis of fatherlessness marks the lives of millions of boys and young men, with boys growing up without fathers in the home now comprising a majority within some ethnic groups and urban populations. At almost every grade level, boys are performing below girls and are often left behind as girls go on to more advanced levels of learning. In many churches, young men and older boys are simply missing. The absence of young men ages 18 to 30 is just a fact of life in many congregations. Though this is especially acute in the mainline Protestant denominations, it is increasingly true in many evangelical churches as well. And I would interject, this is a worldwide phenomenon. The absence of young men in our churches. I'm a living example of that. I was reared in a home where my mother was in church every Sunday morning, every Sunday night. She didn't make us go, but she strongly encouraged us to do so. Life could have been a bit more miserable at home if we chose not to go. I had a dad that was absent, not just in the home, but in church. And I could get story after story of not just stories at home, but around the world. Every excuse that's given, well, we work Monday to Saturday, and Sunday's our only day off. It's a day of blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right? One dimension of this problem, Mohler says, is the difficulty of helping boys develop into manhood. We wonder why our marriages are being destroyed by the evil one in our culture. It's because of the culture's mindset of marriage are thinking about marriage, not until you're well into adulthood. And if you're even acting as an adult. To cultivate this mindset of preparing our children for the future must begin much earlier. And it begins in the home. Again, I prayed earlier, we need to be thankful for those homes that have the privilege of having a father and a mother. and children in the home. But again, that's the exception rather than the rule. So we as a church must be willing to come alongside to help those who are truly seeking, whether it's a single mom or an aunt or an uncle or someone that's adopted or whatever the case may be, truly are seeking to rear their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord that simply don't have the resources physically, emotionally and even spiritually to do it on their own. What a wonderful opportunity that we have to model that in the church. Husbands are to nourish their wives in the word. It's your responsibility in the home so that that is reflected in a culture that militates against male leadership. The headship that the scriptures teach is to be that of the husbands. The second word that's used is cherishing. The man loves his wife is actually loving himself because the two are one. One flesh. illustrated in becoming one body in Christ. This is often marked in many marriage ceremonies by the lighting of a unity candle, a picture of two becoming one in Christ. So Paul asserts that the husband is to cherish his bride as Christ does his bride. Or stating it negatively, he says in verse 29, no one hates his own body. When I'm hungry, I'm the only one that knows I'm hungry. My wife might suggest, well, shouldn't you be hungry? But I'm the one that knows I'm hungry, and guess what I do when I'm hungry? I eat. When I'm thirsty, I drink. When my body aches or pain enters in, I take care of my body. I rest. I do whatever I need to try to take care of myself. Again, who is more aware of your personal needs than you are? Who's more committed to taking care of yourself than you are? That's how we are to love our wives. We're to be as aware of their needs as we are of our own, because we're one body, one flesh. You are to be as committed to meeting her needs as you are meeting your own. Because when you please her, you're pleasing yourself. When you wound her, you're wounding yourself. Now, what I just said is foreign to a person that doesn't know Christ. What do you mean that to hurt her is to hurt myself, to love her is to love myself, or to enjoy her is to... Because we are more learning the concept, the truth. We're one flesh. We're bound together. We'll close in a moment, blessed be the tie that binds. That's a church relationship, a earthly bride to a heavenly bridegroom that will one day be brought home. But just as nothing can separate the bride from the bridegroom in Christ, nothing can separate this marriage union That's why when we give the vows, let no man separate what God has brought together. Let no man put asunder. In a similar way, when the wife hurts, the husband should know it. He should feel it. And he should respond to her in a loving, cherishing way. Some years ago, telling a little bit of my age, and if you remember it, you're telling a whole lot of your age, but there was an article in the Saturday Evening Post. Now, I'll be honest, the only thing I can really remember about the Saturday Evening Post is the Norman Rockwell paintings that were always on the front. I used to collect them, actually, and I'm not sure where they went. But this publication some years ago, in one of their papers, had an article entitled The Seven Stages of the Married Cold. You may have heard this. In that article, it says the first year, the discussion goes something like this. Sugar Dumpling, I'm really worried about my baby girl. You've got a bad sniffle, and there's no telling about these things with all the strep throat going around. I'm putting you in the hospital this afternoon for a general checkup and to get good rest. Second year, listen, darling. I don't like the sound of that cough, and I've called Dr. Miller to rush over here. Now you go to bed, like a good girl, just for Papa. Third year. Maybe you better lie down, honey. Nothing like a little rest when you feel lousy. I'll bring you something. Have we got any canned soup? Fourth year. Now look, dear, be sensible. After you've fed the kids and get the dishes done and the floor finished, you better lie down. Fifth year, why don't you take a couple of aspirin? Sixth year, I wish you'd just gargle or something instead of sitting around barking like a seal at the ceiling. Seventh year, for Pete's sake, would you stop sneezing? Are you trying to give me pneumonia? Now, this is a rather facetious approach, is it not, to what we can see creeping in to our marriages. Familiarity breeds contempt at times. The more familiar we become without this serving, cherishing attitude, it can simply slip away until we're overwhelmed with children, the job is taking more time than it ought to do, and the only cherished moments we have together with one another fly by the wayside. Our last child leaves the roost and it's just you and mama. And suddenly you don't even know what to do anymore because you've not invested that cherishing time with one another. You see, when a husband neglects his understanding love of his bride, their marriage is put in a vice. It begins to be squeezed. When she's overloaded with work or stressed with the kids, the husband should come along beside her and offer relief. Not griping, not grumbling. When she's pulled in every direction, and husband hear this, especially if you have children, she is. When she's pulled in every direction, we ought to be the ones to come alongside and help. Sometimes that means we cook the meal. Sometimes that means we do the laundry. Sometimes that means we just take the kids on a field trip without her so that she can have her time. That's being sensitive in meeting her needs, but caution, we must be sensitive in meeting her needs while not making her feel as if she's failed in her duty as a wife and a mother. I confess. That's hard. That's hard. And so wives, when your husband comes to you in as loving a way as he can and offers to provide, accept it. No strings attached. Let him serve you in that way. Husband, how are you nourishing your wife? How are you cherishing your wife? Well, that begins not in thinking of yourself in isolation from her. That starts not in thinking about how she can meet your need and how she's supposed to serve you. It begins as you, again, understand that you are in union with her as one, joined to her. That's the second thing that we see in our text. Not only do we see firstly this understanding love that's to be demonstrated in our nourishing and our cherishing, but in an unending love that we see in verse 31. There, Paul quotes an Old Testament text, actually a creation text, Genesis 2, 24, to set forth this context of love. Therefore, a man shall leave his mother and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh. Now again, there's two particular aspects of this unending love that we see there. In fact, I almost entitled this unshared love. The first thing that we see is leaving. Leaving. And notice something here. It's the man who is to leave his father and his mother and join his wife. It's not that the woman doesn't leave the household, but there's an added element of importance here. The command to leave is given to the man because it's in that picture of leaving father and mother that there's a transfer of headship that is taking place in leaving. This can only happen as a child is reared properly to be the head of a family. So that when he leaves the roost, when he leaves, truly leaves, not love, but even the love changes, right? His love for his parents is always there, but there's a new cherishing, a new love that will be transferred in a different way. And that's the whole picture of that headship being transferred from the home that he was brought up in to now the home that he is over. That's a big deal. Because more often than not in our culture, as I said, he's not ready. He's not been prepared for that. The learning curve in marriage can take years and it never ends. But I always counsel in premarital counseling, you need to bring the least amount of baggage into a marriage as you can, because everybody brings baggage in. But if your baggage is you're not ready to be the head of your wife, you're not ready to nourish her in the words, you're not ready to rear children, then slow down. Take some time to think this thing through. And leaving means leaving. It means that you are ready spiritually, that you are ready temporally to be the head of the household. that you can lead, feed, and protect in the things of God, and that you're able to provide financially and a home for your children. Now, listen, I'm not going to define house and what a home looks like. Some people are quite content in living in a squatter village. I saw them in South Africa. They go on for miles. People live in cardboard boxes. That may be the contentment that they need, as long as there's a father, a mother, and children. I don't want to define what a house needs to look like, but a home must begin with a man who is able to be the head, to leave father and mother. That doesn't mean that there might not be times where you need to call dad for advice. But only if your dad is a God-fearing man. Seek counsel in that way. But as much as we are able, we're to be cutting those ties because there's a relationship change that's taking place. But not only are they to leave, but there's a direction that they're to go. What is it? Cleave to their wives, or as the ESV puts it, hold on to His wife, hold fast to his wife. That word cleave, I'm sure you've heard, is like being glued together. Two pieces of paper being glued together. There's absolutely no way to separate those two pieces of paper when they're glued together in whole. You might tear the papers, you might rip everything apart, but those two pieces of paper, sealed, glued, cemented, held fast. That's what the man is to pursue in his bride. So hear this, men, the picture here is everywhere that you go, your wife goes. As much as we teach and preach that everywhere we go, Christ is with us as the head of the body, the same is true with you as a husband. Everywhere you go, your wife is there with you, your one flesh, one body. So think those things through when we're tempted in certain ways. And wives, the same for you. Everywhere you go, He's with you. And think through the temptations that you face, given a day, and realize that in Christ, We're one, one body with him as the head. So this idea of unending love is it's a love that is secure, cemented, never to be rent apart, just as much as by faith we can never be separated from the love of God in Christ Jesus. That union with Christ is essential to having a godly marriage. And then lastly, not only is there to be what we saw first, this beautiful love that's demonstrated in understanding, not only is there to be this unending love, but there's to be a unique love. It's found in verses 32 and 33. There Paul calls marriage a mystery, a profound, mystery, he says. It's not just a mystery. It's something that's profound. What makes it profound? What is the mystery here that he's talking about? The mystery in and of itself is the marriage relationship that illustrates the love that exists between Christ, his bridegroom and his bride, the church. That's the mystery. Remember, in writing to Ephesus, these things are still being unpacked. But for emphasis in particular, what has been unpacked? Where did he use that word mystery before? All the way back in chapter three, where he talks about the mystery of one body, one new man, Jew and Gentile. It's almost as if here, in reminding them of the mystery of marriage, he's getting them to think upon the grand work of reconciliation and peace that is brought through the blood of Christ Jesus at Calvary. How Jew and Gentile, the two greatest enemies on earth that ever exists, have been made one in Christ. And it's almost as if he's saying, husband, wife, The next time you consider anything other than love towards your spouse, remember Christ. When things are not going well in the marriage and you want to throw in the towel and run, remember Christ. Remember what's been accomplished for you in His marriage to His bride. Now, in general, all Christian men are called to love all men. even their enemies. But that's a different type of love that Paul's talking about in this passage. That unique love where a husband should set his wife apart and love her, especially in Christ. Why is this so important? Why does Paul take so many verses in Ephesians to undergird the importance of an earthly marriage in the context of the bride of Christ in heaven, but because God's honor and God's reputation is at stake. You see, it was a creation ordinance in Genesis 2 that a man would leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife. That is the best that God has to offer. It's the institution of family and marriage that was established all the way back in the garden. Sin enters the world. There's the fall. Again, in my counseling with people that are considering being married, I said, one thing you need to realize is on your best day, even if you're in Christ, you're two sinners coming together as one in this marriage union. Sin affects relationships. God sends his son, Jesus Christ, to overcome the problem, to be the cure for the issue, to be forgiveness for those sins and to be the reconciler back to God. And so what our marriages are to portray is that we believe in our relationship with Christ, that we've truly been forgiven. that we've truly been reconciled, that he is our bridegroom who is seeking to come for his bride, which manifests itself on an earthly level in our marriage relationships. Now think about the implications of that truth. Our marriages are to portray an unbreakable union. Divorce, friends, should not be part of our vocabulary. It should be avoided at all costs. Again, I don't know the statistics now, but upwards of 50% of professing Christian households end in divorce. That should not happen. Again, because God's reputation is at stake. That's why all adultery, all fornication, all unfaithfulness in marriage is condemned in scripture, because it violates the oneness of that union. That's why Malachi 2.16 says God hates divorce. He hates it. Our general rule of thumb when it comes to divorce should not be the exception clauses. They're there. Adultery and abandonment. Jesus plainly taught that. Moses taught in the law that was given to their forefathers that in the case of adultery and abandonment. But why were those things there? Because of sin. Because of the hardness of heart, God in his grace and mercy understands that a family can be ripped apart in cases of adultery, in cases of fornication, in a case of unfaithfulness in the marriage. And so there are those allowances, but that shouldn't be the starting point. The starting point should be God hates divorce. He hates it because it shatters his reputation in the world. He hates it because it becomes a stumbling block to the gospel message that the family and marriage is to be so portraying in a dark world. Now, let me be the first to say, we all go through times of difficulty in marriage. Some just have a difficult path. Some people's paths become craters. And I have been blessed through many, many years of ministry to see people that have been through great, great turmoil in their marriage. Things that from a worldly perspective should have ripped it apart. And how a husband or a wife stays in the relationship, as difficult as it might be, for the sake of the reminder of the forgiveness that they have in Christ and how they have been reconciled to God. Quite frankly, in our culture, there should be no such thing as getting a divorce because of irreconcilable differences. What does that say to a world? What if Jesus took that approach on us and stood before God the Father one day and said, well, you know, We were married, but irreconcilable differences. We need grace, we need mercy, we need strength, we need courage in our marriages. The unique love that Paul sets forth here is this profound mystery that is rooted in and grounded in Christ and his church. So he says, however, Husband, let each one of you love his wife as himself and see that every wife respects her husband. Does your marriage relationship, husband and wife, reflect the gospel? Not just when you're around believers, not just when things are going well, but especially when you're around unbelievers and when things aren't going so well. Those who profess to know Christ need to be reminded the world is watching. We all go through those patches. Does your marriage reflect the forgiveness of Christ and his sacrifice for you, the reconciling love of Christ for you? And again, we all need his grace and his mercy to make it through such days. My prayer for all of us at Grace Covenant, all of you who are married, that God would be in your marriage and that the gospel would be reflected in love. And that can be more greatly reflected when you've been through great times of turmoil. And you come through on the other side, shining in the light of glory. For those of us that aren't married, pray for those that are. For those of you that aren't married, pray for God's spouse for you, if that be his will. Pray how God can help you help families reflect the gospel in our society and for our young men. We'll be picking up again on this next week, but you young men, Jalen and the Matthews and the younger ones that aren't married, that are teenagers that have bought into this idea that you'll think about your future when you're 26. Today is the day to begin to prepare for tomorrow, and that begins by Christ in your life and praying for that woman that he set aside for you, that you can carry on the work of the gospel together, side by side. Let's pray. Father, we pray. for godly homes. I pray that the enemy might be bound. That a hedge of protection might be built around our homes. I pray for that same binding and hedge of protection in the hearts and minds of our husbands and our wives. Because the evil one is seeking to destroy. And he's winning in our culture. Father, we know that the battle has already been determined. The war, while it goes on, victory is already ours in Christ. And so I pray that we would claim that victory today, that we would live godly marriages for the sake of the gospel, and that as husbands we would be preparing our bride, even today, to be in your presence. It's in the name of Christ we pray. Amen. Well, as I said earlier, our closing hymn will be Blessed Be the Tie that Binds, hymn number 387. Let's stand together and sing. The speed of tide that binds our hearts in Christian love, the fellowship of Him divine is like to that of earth. Our fears, our hopes, our aims, our wants, our comforts, and our cares. and often for each other pose a sympathizing tear. When we meet a slender heart, it heals a sin. This time we'll be receiving tithes and offerings to the Lord. I'm going to ask Shane if he wouldn't mind praying for this offering, that we would use it to the glory of the Lord, and that Stephen would come and receive any offering that you might have. Shane, would you pray for us this morning? Lord, we thank You this morning for the offering of time for us. We thank You that You're