We're going to look at a continuation of our series, Building Healthy Families. This one focused on psychology, scripture, and marriage messes. Genesis chapter 1, verses 26 and 27. Hear now the word of Almighty God. And God said, let us make man in our image, after our likeness. and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own image. In the image of God created he him. Male and female created he them. Let's pray. Our Father in heaven, we thank you for the glorious work of God in the creation of the heavens and the earth. And likewise, in creating man as the pinnacle of that creation, to reflect your glory and your image, to be like unto God, to be given dominion over the works of your hands. We pray that as we consider your word, And as we contrast that with the thoughts of men that are vain and deceitful, that you would grant us understanding that we may know the truth and that we may live according to it, we ask in Christ's name, amen. I'm going to beg your indulgence. I'm going to read some longer quotations today. So forgive me in advance. I'll try to stop and talk about them as I read them. But I'd like to contrast the specifics of humanistic psychology with the Bible's teaching on what is man and how that impacts the way people view marriage and problems within marriage. Leslie Vernick, if you've ever heard of her, she apparently is some kind of something in the Association of Biblical Counselors. She had this to say in June 9th, 2014 article entitled, Is Emotional Abuse Grounds for Biblical Separation? She said this. Research on those who have suffered with chronic emotional abuse shows that it can be far more harmful to their long-term health than physical abuse can be. In a 2011 study funded by the National Institute of Mental Health and by the National Institute on Drug Abuse, researchers found that our brain processes physical pain and intense social rejection in exactly the same way. So here, notice a couple of things. This is supposed to be a biblical counselor. But what is the source of her truth? Where does she get it from? She says, we ought to think that the National Institute of Mental Health can tell us things that determine whether or not you should stay married to a person. She does not say, what sayeth the scripture? She does not say, let God be true and every man a liar. No. She says, first, you must understand. that there is this thing called mental health. Remember, we talked about this yesterday. Man is his body, period. Man is an animal, period. And therefore his brain, this gray matter, that's what thinks. And when he has problems with behavior, thoughts, words, and deeds that are evil, what are we gonna blame that on? his body, physical causes, we're going to look to some kind of physical causality to explain his behavior. So she says, well, we need to look at the National Institute of Mental Health The National Institute on Drug Abuse, because after all, man is merely his body. He's a series of chemical reactions. This is supposed to be a biblical counselor. The Association of Biblical Counselors published this article. She says this, our brain processes physical pain. Okay, so man is his brain. Physical pain comes into the body. The brain is connected with the physical stuff. And so all that we want to evaluate about a person's life can be summed up as their body. She goes on. The primary difference is that physical injuries usually heal. Wounds to one's soul and spirit are longer lasting and even more damaging. Notice, the soul and the spirit are what? the brain for her. She's saying that the brain, because she cited the National Institute of Mental Health and their research, that our brain processes physical pain, the physical thing inside of your skull, that processes pain. And she says, that is your what? Your spirit, your soul. It's just all those chemical things, those physical things lumped up in your head. That is your spirit and your soul. Now let me ask you, did God create Adam with a brain from the dust of the ground? Yes. Did he have spirit before when he was just formed from the dust of the earth? No, he didn't. God formed Adam of the dust of the earth. He breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. Then he became a living soul. He had a brain, but he could not think. It wasn't until he had a spirit that he could think. So here she confuses the two. This is called neo-orthodoxy. You use the old biblical terms, spirit and soul, and you redefine it to mean your body, or this organ of your body. So her whole argument as to what she's going to conclude next is based off of several false premises. The primary difference is that physical injuries usually heal. Wounds to one's soul and spirit are longer lasting and often more damaging. Therefore, here's the conclusion, as biblical counselors, why would we tell a woman or man who is being emotionally abused that they must stay in their marriage because being pummeled by words is not serious enough to justify a biblical separation? This is, if you are not aware of this, this is current merchandise in the reformed world. This is how they split up marriages. Oh, see, there's emotional abuse going on here. Well, has he ever laid a hand on the woman? No, but there's emotional abuse and he is an oppressor of this poor woman, this poor victim, which we'll get into in a minute. John Calvin, in contrast, someone who would have qualified as an actual biblical counselor, whether he was associated or not, I don't know, but here's what he had to say. He said, but as husbands frequently divorce their wives, either because their manners were not congenial, or because their personal appearance did not please them, or because of some offense, and as wives too sometimes deserted their husbands on account of their cruelty or excessively harsh and dishonorable treatment, let me say emotional abuse. He says that marriage is not dissolved by divorces or dissensions of that nature. For it is an agreement that is consecrated by the name of God, which does not stand or fall according to the inclination of men, so as to be made void whenever we may choose. Do you know that's how people think about marriage? He's exactly identifying the problem. It's just, we want to get married. We love each other. And the whole basis of our marriage is our love. What happens when those feelings go away, when those chemical responses in your body go away? They say, well, I don't want to be married anymore. Her manners are not congenial to me. She doesn't look as beautiful as she once did. She might die of stretch marks, but my husband, he is so cruel. He's so mean. He's so harsh. Oh, help. I need help. And what did the elders do? Oh, you horrible man, crush him on this basis because they don't understand the word of God. God, you swore before him. to be married for the rest of your life. You can't just dissolve that on your own. God made the marriage. Let not man put asunder, our Lord says. And we'll look at grounds for divorce shortly. But here, these are the things that are not. And yet, an associated biblical counselor, a woman teacher of the whole church, publicly proclaims to everyone, yes it is, because mental health, because your spirit is that physical matter inside of your cranium. Your soul is that thing here that gets hurt by meany words. This is how you can explain, by the way, the snowflake. Words are violence, you know what that means? My feelings must be deified. And if you attack my feelings, you're a sinner. You're a violent actor. The agreement consecrated by the name of God does not stand or fall according to the inclinations of men, Calvin says, so as to be made void whenever we may choose. At will divorce, right? Calvin goes on. The sum is that other contracts, as they depend on the mere inclination of men, are in like manner dissolved by that same inclination. Get into a business contract, you're inclined to do business, you think it's a good idea, you agree to mutual stipulations, they don't keep their end of the bargain, I'm out. Contract's over. You didn't keep your end of the deal. I'm inclined to keep it, now I'm disinclined. I can keep it or break it at will. So this is not like that, that's not marriage. But those who are connected by marriage are no longer free so as to be at liberty if they change their mind to break in pieces the pledge, as the expression is, and go, each of them, elsewhere in quest of a new connection. For if the rights of nature cannot be dissolved. Much less can this, which as we have said already, is preferred before the principle tie of nature. So God, when he made man, he created this institution right at the beginning of man's existence for the propagation of mankind to avoid sin and uncleanness so that our race might go on generation after generation called marriage. It is a natural institution. And so he says, it is to be preferred before even other ties of nature. So we cannot simply set it aside at will because my feelings got hurt. I don't feel right about this person. She doesn't look, she ain't as pretty as she once was. She's done these offensive things to me. Oh, he's so harsh and cruel. These are not grounds for divorce. Leslie Vernick thinks they are. The word of God disagrees. So then what is man? We've looked at Genesis 1, 26 and 27, and this is exactly what we need to understand. What is man according to God? Then what is marriage according to God? And this will help us immensely in dealing with marital messes and problems. Please turn to Ephesians 4, 24 for more detail on this image of God. Ephesians 4, verse 24. What is man? The psalmist asks, and God answers that question again and again. Ephesians 4, 24, that she put off concerning the former conversation, the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lust, forgive me I'm starting at verse 22, and be renewed in the spirit of your mind and that you put on the new man which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness. Now let me just speak to these words. He's telling us first that God has created us or recreated us in his image. There is the old man that we're to put off That is the fallen nature of man. And that is deceived and deceiving and evil and wicked and does all these foolish things. But then he says, put on the new man, which after God is created. That's hearkening back to what we read at the first, right? Genesis 1, 26 and 27. God created man, how? In his own image. And so now he's going to explain to us. What is the image of God? Righteousness. And true holiness, or holiness of the truth. Now righteousness is where someone renders to others what is their due. Fear to whom fear, custom to whom custom, honor to whom honor, obedience to whom obedience. If you have a debt, you pay it back. And did you know the law of God describes your debts? Forgive us our debts means those ways that I've violated. What did you require, God? I didn't do it, so I have a debt. But before you do an action, good or bad, God says you have what's called a duty, which comes from the word for a debt. It's not optional to do your duty to your neighbor. It's called righteousness. You must do to all what you owe to them. It is not at your will whether or not you do it. You either sin or you do what's right. And then notice holiness of the truth. Now this sums up the whole duty of man. God requires us to be holy, separate unto him. And he describes for us in the first great commandment, what does it mean to be holy? Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy soul, with all thy strength, and with all thy mind. That is holiness. Then you have the first commandment, no other gods. The second commandment, no images, no false worship. The third commandment, using God's name with reverence. The fourth commandment, keeping the Sabbath holy. That's what it means to be holy. So the apostle tells us here, what is the image of God? You might say it's man's moral nature with the law of God, the 10 commandments written upon his heart. That is the image of God. Colossians 3, verse 10. Colossians 3, verse 10. As I'm sure you're aware, the epistles of Ephesians and Colossians have a lot of overlap. Ephesians 3, verse 10. And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him. Okay, so we have the moral nature emphasized in Ephesians 4. We have the rational nature emphasized in Colossians 3. But if you don't have reason, can you have a conscience? If you don't have knowledge, in fact, the word conscience is very interesting. It means something that goes along with your thinking. You think, and then the conscience says, oh, along with this, I have a little court set up. You know you did wrong. You went against your knowledge. That's the conscience. It'll condemn, or it will approve. It'll look back and say, was that right? Well, you know that's wrong. Guilty. Or, yeah, that was the right thing to do. Well done. Or as you look forward and make decisions about actions, the conscience will say, you should not do that one. That's not right. You know that's wrong. Or it'll say, yes, that's the right thing to do. The conscience will predict forward, ahead. It'll look back on what you've already done. And in both cases, it'll render a judgment according to truth. So here, notice, knowledge describes the image of God. Because the moral function is subordinated to what you know and what God has put upon your heart, that is your mind, by nature. Man is the image of God in knowledge, righteousness, and holiness of the truth. He has reason and moral function. Now, contrast that with psychology. Man, as I said, especially according to the predominant view in our day, is the byproduct of slime, right? Neo-Darwinism, it's sort of baked into all of our institutions. And then there's this school called behaviorism. Do you know why you shouldn't punish a criminal? because he's suffering from a mental illness. You ought to have compassion for the criminal because you know who caused him to be sick? It was his environment. He is a physical brute being caused by all those environmental things surround him. Don't you understand his socioeconomic status? That explains crime. Right? That's the claim. That is the behaviorist claim. John Dewey said this. You know the Dewey Decimal System? Remember that in school? John Dewey helped found the public education system. He hated the word of God. He said that modern public education and modern psychotherapy calls for techniques for dealing with human nature as we now have them for physical nature. Okay, brute animals, chemical experiments, all these things we do with physical nature. Let's take those same techniques and apply it to what? Human nature. What's he saying? You are an animal. You are nothing more than a physical cause. And do you think the public school systems are not doing their job? No, they're doing an excellent job. You want to fix the public schools? Look how they were founded. Man's an animal. Man's a physical cause. He's just a bunch of chemicals. How do you fix the chemicals? Well, you produce the right environment. This is our politics, by the way. Produce the right environment, and you'll have the right, perfect, ideal society. You'll have utopia. How? By physical causes. Because you'll create the right environment. This explains social media. This explains our politics. This explains our penology, whether we should punish or not punish. This explains how judges judge what they say. This is how counselors do. This is how pastors do. They assume, deal with man as a physical cause. Just like John Dewey taught them, right? Just like they learned in the public school. Ernest Nagel. interesting little name, of the American Philosophic Association said this, there is no place for disembodied forces, no place for an immaterial spirit directing the course of events. Who's that? That's God, right? No immaterial spirit directing the course of events. No place, he says, for the survival of personality after the corruption of the body which exhibits it. So what is your personality? Knowledge, righteousness, and holiness? No, it's your body. When your body dies, your personality goes away, he says. What does that mean? Well, it means you are your body. There is no spirit. There is no soul. There is no mind. There is no reason. There is no knowledge, righteousness, or holiness. All it is is your body, you see. Harry Milt. Director of Public Information for the National Institute for Mental Health says this. Sympathetic understanding, the kind you give to a person when he is sick with a physical illness, is what mentally ill persons need. Now who's a mentally ill person? Murderer, rapist, you know, those sorts of people. They're mentally ill. What do you need for them, he says. Sympathetic understanding. What does God say of a murderer? Thine eye shall not what? Pity him. He shall surely be put to death. What does Harry Milt say? Thine eye shall pity him. Feel sorry for him. Just like you would someone who got sick. Oh, he's sick. You ever heard that? He's such a sick person. Well, is that what God says? No, he says sinner. He says murderer in that case. Thou shalt not kill, he says. The conscience tells you you're not supposed to do that. Man casts off his conscience and kills anyways, contrary to God's word. He takes a life without any justification and God says, thine eye shall not pity, And man says, poor guy, you should feel sorry for him. Like your friend when he caught a cold. It's his environment that caused him to do this, right? You make allowances because you know he's sick. He can't help his sickness. That he needs your sympathy and understanding. The person with mental problems is sick. And most of the time, he can't help it either. Oh, poor guy. Poor victim, poor him. You need to feel sorry for him. You see them out there burning, looting, and murdering BLM. Poor guys, you need to feel sorry for them. It's their socioeconomic status. It's that white privilege. Oh, they're not responsible for their deeds. They shouldn't be punished. They should be exalted. They should be praised. They should be pitied by us. This is The root core of the Marxist philosophy, by the way. A lot of conservatives are Marxists. They're conservative Marxists. What's that supposed to mean? Who knows? It means you're like Bill Clinton. But now you think you're conservative because Bill Clinton's old hat, right? Well, you pretty much believe the same thing as Bill Clinton. You think man's the product of his environment. What is marriage? So now we've seen what is man. Man is the image of God in knowledge, righteousness, and holiness of the truth. According to psychology, man is a machine. He's merely his body. And if he has mental problems because he caught a sickness, he's mentally sick, you should feel sorry for him, right? But what is marriage? Genesis 2, verse 18. Please turn back to Genesis 2. Jumping around from the beginning to the end. And this makes sense. You must understand the beginning to understand the end of a matter. Genesis 2, 18. And the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him and help meet for him. Here's the basic nature of marriage. Man has a task, a series of tasks. He cannot fulfill those on his own. He looks at all the animals that God brought to him to name, and among none of them does he find someone suitable for him that reflects his image, that is like him in his essential nature. And so, God says, I'm going to make him a helper that is suited to him, that reflects him, that can stand before him and reflect his image. Verse 21. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept. And he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof. And the rib which the Lord God had taken from man made he a woman. and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh. So here notice what is marriage. It is a lifelong, Almost, you might say, as Calvin says, beyond and preferred before principal ties of nature. Your children come forth from your own bodies, right? But you're to prefer your wife or your husband before them. because God took two and he said these are now one flesh united together the helper of the man the man exercising dominion they are now together as one flesh imagine rip your body in half how long would you survive What God has joined together, let not man put asunder, he says. This is what he's talking about. The two made one flesh. Matthew 19. Matthew chapter 19. What is marriage? Was Calvin just blustering his patriarchal folly? Is that what that was? Just making it up as he goes along? Maybe he should have submitted himself to the Association of Biblical Counselors and learned some grand wisdom about mental health. Wrong answer. Matthew 19, verse 4. And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female? And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother and shall cleave to his wife, and they twain shall be one flesh. Wherefore, they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. Now, we have Pharisees in our day. Let's call them psycho-Pharisees. Psychology is their law. Freud is their God. And they think that you can take the words of the actual God who made heaven and earth, and you can blend him together with Freud or Rogers or whoever their newest shining light is, and you can mix these two together. That's what the Pharisees did. Here we have the laws of God delivered by Moses. Here we have the thoughts of the elders. Here we have the traditions of men, and here we have the oracles of God, and we're going to blend them together. Master, can we divorce our wives for any cause? You see, didn't Moses say, dud, dud, dud, dud, dud. That's what he's arguing against here. The corruption and the misunderstanding and the human tradition imposed upon the law of Moses. First Corinthians chapter 11. What is marriage? What is it? It is a lifelong union. The two become one flesh, one body. Just as we are with Christ, one body, with Christ our head. And we'll look at that later, God willing. 1 Corinthians 11 verse 3, but I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man. What does that mean? They're one flesh. One body. The man is the head. He is the principal. He has the charge and government of the body. But they are one. Can you sever the head from the body? Not without death, right? They're one body. And the head of Christ is God. Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoreth his head. But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoreth her head. Who's that? That's her husband, right? For that is even all one as if she were shaven. Ladies, would you like to shave your heads? No, of course not. It's a natural instinct for women not to do that because God gave you your hair for that very purpose to honor and glorify you and that you may honor your husbands, your head. So you don't want to dishonor your head, he says. Verse six, for if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn, that is cut close. But if it be shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered. For a man indeed ought not to cover his head for as much as he is the image and glory of God, there we see the nature of man. But the woman is the glory of the man, there we see the nature of marriage. Man was created in God's image. The woman was created in the man's image. She's still in the image of God. She's a copy of a copy, you might say. The woman is the glory of the man. For the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man. Right back in Genesis. He's going right back to the beginning, isn't he? If you Corinthians, he says, would like to understand how your marriages work and how that interplays with the authority structure of the church, where must you go? Genesis chapter one, Genesis chapter two. That's where you must go. Neither was the man created for the woman. This means for the sake of. Some men think this way and they ruin their marriages because of it. I live to worship the ground she treads on. That's even in a song, ain't no woman like the one I got, right? He worships the ground she treads on, is that biblical? The man was not created for the sake of the woman, but the woman for the man, for his sake. To help him in his task, to be a helper suitable to him in his calling. For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels. Ask your pastor what that means. I'm not certain. Verse 11. Nevertheless, neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man in the Lord. So here we have God's uniting together in holy marriage, man and woman, uniting them in natural purposes and in supernatural purposes for the advancement of his kingdom, for the propagation of our race, for the avoidance of fornication, to reflect the glory of God, his headship over all things, the mediation of Christ, the husband as the head of his wife, as Christ is the head of the church. This is marriage. Now, according to psychology, just like they disagree with us over what is man, they disagree with us very strenuously, what is marriage? Let me read you some quotes. Neil Burton, a doctor, a medical doctor, writing for Psychology Today, I'll spare you all the details, it's sickening. This human, not sure male or female, this human says, the marriage ceremony itself is sexist beyond parody. The bride appears in a fuzzy dress that symbolizes her virtue and virginity, and everyone keeps remarking how thin and beautiful she looks. Her father walks her down the aisle to give her away, and she passes like property from one man to another. Boo-hoo. And the minister, who is traditionally and still usually a man, gives the man permission to kiss the woman. Oh, isn't that awful? And that's just the beginning, she says, it says, he says, whatever. Psychologically, marriage is seen as some kind of repressive regime by the patriarchy to crush women. John Stuart Mill said this. We are continually told that civilization and Christianity have restored to the woman her just rights. Meanwhile, the wife is actually bond servant of her husband. She vows a lifelong obedience to him at the altar and is held to it all through her life by law. What is woman? She's a slave. This is feminism. She's oppressed. This is Marxism. Now take psychology and add feminism and what do you have in the church? You men are oppressing your wives. How dare you tell them what to do? That's emotional abuse, you see. And she can leave you because of that. You tell your wife what to do, she can leave. You sin against your wife, she can leave. And she can divorce you because you won't change. Nanner nanner. She doesn't have to do what God says, because her feels are more than the reals. The reals are, God says, you're one flesh. He regulates, He governs, He has dominion over your marriage. He made it. He governs it. He gives it laws. He gives power to obey those laws. It's His. It's not yours. And yet we say, my feelings. Oh, this poor oppressed woman. She can't help but talk back to her husband because he's such a jerk. She can't help but be disobedient. After all, he's not perfect. And because he's not perfect, there are always going to be troubles. All the troubles in marriage. Guess who's at fault according to feminism? What's the man's fault? Well, biblically, Could it be all the man's fault? Sure. That depends on the facts of the case, right? It depends on the behavior of the individuals involved. The reality has to be looked at. But according to psychology, you started your marriage by oppressing that woman. And her daddy oppressed her and walked her down the aisle. And some man minister up at the front said, you may now kiss the bride. Oppression, oppression, oppression. Are there grounds for divorce? Here's where the rubber meets the road. Matthew 19, let's turn back there. Verse seven. Sorry for making the baby cry. All my oppression got to her, or him. Is it a him? Okay, forgive me, misgendered. Matthew 19, verse seven. Here the conversation continues. They say unto him, why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement and to put her away? He saith unto them, Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, suffered you to put away your wives. But from the beginning it was not so. And I say unto you, whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, commiteth adultery. And whoso marrieth her which is put away, doth commit adultery." Now in Mark's gospel he uses the inverse, which you could reason to. The woman's not to put away her husband either. Although you may conceive, well, it's just talking about the male. No, females can put away their husbands. That's true. The wife can put away her husband. And Mark deals with that in the parallel passage. But here, notice, Moses suffered you. It's not that it was what he wanted for your marriages. It's that he tolerated your wickedness because your hearts were so hard that he allowed it unto you. But notice, our Lord goes back to where? From the beginning. Genesis chapter two. This is where God's, you might say, natural law of marriage is the most clear. Go back to Genesis two. From the beginning, it was not so. Now he says that if you put away your wife and marry another, you commit adultery. That's the general teaching. What is the exception? except for fornication, he says. Fornication is a, you might say, a species of sexual misconduct. the genus in marriage, or excuse me, the genus would be fornication, the species would be adultery. So he's talking about in the marital context, the commission of adulterous acts, not adulterous thoughts, but actual actions that are against the seventh commandment. That is grounds by which a man may put away his wife or a woman may put away her husband. So yes, Though it is a made-by-God union, God has the right to say when it is up, when it has been violated to such an extent that it may be terminated. So it's not man putting asunder, it's God putting asunder. This is God's word concerning that. Some people say, let not man put asunder means there are no grounds for divorce. That's not the teaching of the word of God. There are, in fact, grounds for divorce. But is it because she ain't pretty no more? Is it because emotional abuse and cruelty? Is it because, well, you know, she's done these unclean things that I just don't like anymore? Did she commit adultery? If not, there is no grounds for divorce. And so far, so long, sayonara to Miss Leslie Vernick. You don't have the right to leave the marital home because your husband's a meanie who says hurdy words to you. First Corinthians chapter seven. First Corinthians chapter seven. The Apostle Paul answering questions given to him by the Corinthians under the inspiration of the Spirit of God. 1 Corinthians 7 verse 9. Now the context, of course, is the avoidance of fornication and the duty of single persons to seek after either a wife or a husband. Every woman should have her own husband, every man should have his own wife, so that we avoid sinning against the Lord, verse nine. But if they cannot contain, that is, restrain themselves from their desires for those things, let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn. But unto the married I command, yet not I but the Lord. Let not the wife depart from her husband. And if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And let not the husband put away his wife. But to the rest speak I, not the Lord. If any brother have a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. and the woman which hath a husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him." Notice, you got a wife, you're a godly man, you love the Lord, you came to the faith of Christ, you're married to a woman who is unconverted, she refused to come with you to the foot of the cross, what should you do? Stay married, he says. Don't put her away. Now you're a woman, and you've been converted, and your husband's unbelieving. And he happens to be a pagan, and he goes to pagan worship, and he wants to raise the children as pagans. What are you to do, leave him? No. Stay, he says. Why? Well, this goes back to Genesis, doesn't it? Is your marriage founded on the gospel? We talk about that. Technically, no, it's not. Marriage is a natural institution. Natural institutions are brought to a higher pitch of perfection by the gospel. That's true. But they are still natural institutions. You can't just break them because this person's an idolater. No, that's not how this works. Stay with the unbelieving husband. Don't depart from him. Stay married to the unbelieving wife. Don't put her away. Verse 13, a woman that hath an unbelieving husband, and he be pleased to dwell, stay with him, for the unbelieving husband is sanctified, verse 14, by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband, else were your children unclean, but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases, But God hath called us to peace. Notice, unbelievers, if they leave, all bets are off. The bonds are broken. By whom? By you? No, you stay, he says. Don't put her away or don't depart. But if that unbeliever and the brother or sister is left by them and they have left the marital home, what is that? They have said, I renounce this marriage. I am done with this marriage. In fact, if you go back to the beginning of the passage, what's the purpose in this context for the marriage? to avoid fornication. Let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. And then he says, let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence, and likewise also the wife unto the husband. You don't have power over your own bodies. Verse four, stop defrauding each other. Verse five. Why? Because Satan will tempt you to do what? To do what? Fornicate or adultery in the case of a marriage. So if a person is gone from the marital home, what's the problem? Well, they violated the fundamental point that Paul's making here, which is the avoidance of fornication and the having of a husband and a wife and not depriving the other party. Our confession of faith says this, Westminster Confession, chapter 24, paragraph six, It says, although the corruption of man be such as is apt to study arguments, unduly to put asunder those whom God hath joined together in marriage, yet nothing but adultery or such willful desertion as can no way be remedied by the church or civil magistrate is cause sufficient to dissolving the marriage bond. The marriage bond is so strong that God says, there are only two things. One, adultery, two, I'm gone. They leave. And then what? You try to recover. And you work with them. And you work through the church or the civil magistrate. And you say, can we recover this person? Can we bring them back to the marriage? And they say, I'm not returning. Now, they may say, as I've seen, well, I really want to reconcile this marriage. Okay. Why aren't you home? I just really want to reconcile this marriage. Why aren't you coming home? Well, you know, he, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's my feelings, Trump's scripture. God says, stay. Your feelings say, leave. What do you do? What of this? What of this marriage mess? What shall we make of it? Well, I can say all I want, I'm committed to this marriage, but that means dwelling together. That means staying in the marital home. It doesn't mean going to your pals and your circle of friends who pat you on the back and say, oh, you're so oppressed. Two, two and two only, adultery or such willful desertion as can no way be remedied. What does psychology say are grounds for divorce? They're not good. They have borderline personality disorder. They're a narcissist, you see. And narcissists are always such meanies that you can't live with them. So you need to pay me $175 an hour and I'll tell you why you can leave. No. It's not self-interest. It's not cruelty or oppression. It's not mental, verbal, emotional, or any other kind of abuse. It's adultery or desertion that can no way be remedied. They left the marital home. They've departed. And Paul says, in such cases, you're free. The brother or the sister is free from that marital tie. Why? Because they have fundamentally severed in realistic, identifiable, actionable terms. They have said no to this marriage. Duties then, beware of atheistic or evolutionary conceptions of human nature. It is the water in which we swim. It is the air that we breathe. You will take it in without realizing it. You may already have it in your mind. It may function essentially as your faith about what is man and what is marriage. But I'm telling you, it is not true. It is absolutely false. They gave it to us from our earliest days in kindergarten. You're an animal. You're just your body. Trust in your feelings. What does Disney say? Follow your heart. There's a hero in you. Believe in yourself and thou shalt be damned, God says. They say you'll be saved if you believe in yourself. You'll have a wonderful life. Beware of atheistic or evolutionary conceptions of human nature or the nature of marriage or solutions for marital problems. This is what reformed elders do. Reformed. We have a marital issue on our hands. Who's the local state licensed counselor? Let's send them to that person. Not our problem. Suckers, we got that one off our plates. We don't have to deal with your, we're not experts. We got to trust in the experts who went and were told that you're just your mind and that you evolved and that men are always oppressors. We'll send you to those people. Oh, they say biblical before it, see? Biblical counseling, right? Like Leslie Vernick, who thinks that the gray matter is your spirit and your soul. We'll send you to them. Not our problem. Marital dissolution, counseling, what is the heart, how to solve marital problems. These are answers that God gives us in his word. And we say, no, thanks. I got an expert here. I'd like to listen to them. Beware, be not deceived is the apostles way. Don't even begin to be deceived or stop being deceived by these fair words and speeches. Second duty, learn more and more to conform your thoughts, your actions, your attitudes, and especially your thoughts about your spouse and your marriage to what God has said. Rely more and more upon his promises in the gospel. Here is the issue. Are you going to find some technique that will fix your marriage? Well, there might be some value in certain techniques, but the basic issue is this, being filled with the spirit, submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God, which we looked at Friday night. That's the solution to marital difficulties in the ultimate sense. Under that are God's commandments, his precepts, his promises that we may rely on, the power of his spirit, the forgiveness of our sins, and the willingness to forgive others. Make your counsel to others, should they have marital problems, and come to you and ask, what should I do? Don't tell them, read the website of the Association of Biblical Counselors, because they're not biblical. They may be associated, they may be counselors, they're not biblical. They're not telling you the truth. And third, adopt a scripture definition of what it means to be human. What is the heart? What is love? Remember that old ditty? I want to know what love is. Well, God tells you what it is. What is it? It's the fulfilling of His law. It's the thinking, the thoughts, He says. Being bent in your will and in your affections and in your choices toward what God says is right toward that other person. That's love. I just showed you. That's what love is. Adopt a scripture definition of what it means to be human. Your spirit and your soul are not the gray matter in your skull. That's not what they are. Your spirit and your soul are those immaterial parts created in the image of the invisible God. Let us adopt God's definitions. Let us conceive of ourselves in our thoughts, words, and deeds as God has defined us. And let us obey those precepts relying upon His promises. Thus far, the consideration of building healthy families, psychology, scripture, and marriage messes. Let's conclude our time in prayer.