Good afternoon. In previous weeks, we began an open ended series on wisdom. And so far, we've only had two sermons within that series. The first was a lesson on wisdom and the law. And the second was on wisdom and life decisions. And today I want to move on into a third lesson on wisdom. And this will be looking at wisdom and speech. wisdom and speech. The Bible in general, and the book of Proverbs in particular, has a lot to say about speech, about talking, about language, about the things that we say. And we want to apply and understand the wisdom of the Bible concerning our speech. But before we get into the specifics about how we can apply the wisdom of the Bible to our speech, it would be helpful to us to take a little bit of time by way of introduction just to talk about speech itself. In other words, what it is and how it works. So let's do precisely that. Let's introduce ourselves to speech by asking first, what is speech? And secondly, how does it work? So let's ask that question. What is speech? And it's very common to think of language, to think of speech as a thing, to think about words as things. And in modern thought, when man approaches language, he is the master, because language is a thing. And so whether you're analyzing something that someone said, or something that is written down, in other words, when you're analyzing the language, their words become the object of study and investigation. You are the master looking at this object. Namely, what did that person say? It becomes a thing. Language is a thing in the modern mind. And when words are things, when speech is a thing, what is the result? The result is that everyone is the master of their own interpretation. Because every individual approaches that object from a different perspective and a different angle. Which means that there's no objective meaning. because every person is the master of the word or words which they are studying. And everything becomes reduced to opinion at that point. Well, you see this, I see that. And there's no way to bridge that gap. And in modern society, I think that you would agree with me that stating something dogmatically or appealing to objective reality behind language has become impolite, it's become rude, and depending on the topic, it has been labeled as hate speech. Words have become the playthings of mankind. We think of speech as a thing. But we need to recognize a very important and fundamental truth, namely that speech is an action. Speech is an action, not a thing. Speech is primarily an action. In other words, when we speak, we're doing something. When you speak, you are doing something, because speech is an action. And think about this with me. We perform all sorts of actions with our bodies. We do things with our bodies. We do things. We perform actions. And we think of them as actions. It's automatic to us. But speaking is no less of an action as waving our arms or walking with our legs. We're even using our bodies. We're vibrating our vocal cords and moving our mouths in such a way that we are doing something. So speech is an action and we have to understand that. And it's very important, especially in a theological context. And let me explain to you why. We were just saying that if you think of speech or language as a thing, an object, then whoever approaches it is going to approach it from a different angle. And if we bring the Bible into that context, most critics, most people who approach the Bible, are considering it as a thing, and they are its master. They are the one investigating it and looking at it from their different angles and their perspectives, and they are going to interpret it as they see fit. For them, it is a passive object from which they extract information as they please. And if speech is just a thing, then they're being successful. They're doing what naturally comes to them. But if speech is an action, then the question arises, who is speaking? Who is speaking? And when we understand biblical revelation as speech acts or actions of speech, and if we understand God as the one speaking as the speaker, It means that the Bible does not sit idly by as we dissect its pieces, but rather it means that God himself confronts us with his word. And I'm going to read a passage to you, and I want you to think about which understanding of speech fits these verses better. Speech as a thing or speech as an act. Think about which one fits these verses better. For the word of God is living and active. sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account." Now the answer becomes very clear, doesn't it? Is this book simply a thing for us to examine? Or is it speech to us confronting us, piercing us, opening us up, laying us bare? Is the Word of God a thing to be mastered by man, one object among many in the universe of scientific inquiry? No. It is the self-disclosure of a person, in particular a triunity of three persons. But our problem is that we forget who's talking. We forget about the speaker. And so the Bible does become one book among many. And if speech is a thing, that's an easy mistake to make. But when speech is rightly understood as an action, we are always forced to ask the question then, who is talking? So then what is speech? It's an action. There are many ways that we do things, and one of the ways in which we do things is by speaking. But how does that work? How does speech work if it is an act? Well, it has three parts to it that I want to briefly just run through, and then we'll use those three parts to form our outline for the rest of the sermon. So what are the three parts of speech that we need to understand? Or what are the three parts of the act of speech? Well, the first one is the act. And the second one is the intent. And the third one is the effect. The act, the intent, and the effect. And there's fancy names for each of these, but they're too confusing to use in a sermon. But I'll let you know what they are. They're the locutionary act, the illocutionary stance, and the perlocutionary effect. But as you can see, that would be far too confusing to use. So we're going to just call these the act, the intent, and the effect. And so let me just briefly explain what each of those three is. The first one, the act. When you speak, You're doing something. So you're performing an action. So to speak is an act. It's that simple. For example, he said to me, you can't do that. He said to me, you can't do that. Someone said something. There was an act of speaking. It's as plain and simple as that. There was an act of speaking. He said to me, you can't do that. That was the act. Which brings us to the intent. If speech is an act, what are you doing? What are you doing? In speaking, you might be trying to persuade someone, to console someone, to convince someone, to warn someone, to help someone, or perhaps even to hurt someone. And it goes on and on and on. You can see what I'm getting at. But whatever the case may be, the question is, what is your intent in this action? You're performing an action. What is your intent? What are you trying to do? For example, instead of he said to me, you can't do that, which is declaring an act, we might express it this way. He protested against my doing it. He protested against my doing it. The act of speaking expresses intent. And in this case, protest, someone is protesting against someone else. In speaking the words, you can't do that. One person was trying to stop another person from doing something. And so they were acting in their speech, showing an intent of protest. So that's the act and the intent. Now, think about intent. You have to ask the question, was their intent successful? Was their intent successful? Which brings us to the effect. If the intent was accomplished, that's the effect. So-and-so was stopped. A person says you can't do that, their intent was to protest, and the other person stopped what they were doing or simply didn't do it. And that is the act, the intent, and the effect. The act was saying don't do that, the intent was to protest, and the effect was that someone was prevented from doing something. Does that make sense? It's just a basic understanding of speech. There's the act of speaking, you have an intent, you're doing something in that act, and then there's an effect. You may be successful, you may not be successful. But let's take this back to a theological context. When God speaks, does He do things? When God speaks, does He do things? Well, absolutely, yes. So God acts through speech. And if God is doing things in speech, he is intending certain things, isn't he? Well, of course. God's acts are not random or without purpose. And so let's keep asking these questions. Is there ever an instance where God's word does not produce the effect that he intended? The answer is no. There's never a time where God acts through his word and does not achieve the effect that he intended. God spoke, and the world came into being. God speaks, and dead hearts are made alive. And let's not forget the Trinitarian nature of God's self-revelation. God the Father speaks, God the Son carries out that action or that intent, and God the Holy Spirit applies the effect. Sometimes the analogy is used with the Son, where God the Father is like the Son. And God, the sun is the ray of light going from the sun to the person. And the Holy Spirit is the heat that we feel. There's the act of speaking, there's the intent of speaking, and there's the effect that it accomplishes. And we are very, very familiar with the idea of redemption planned, accomplished and applied, aren't we? And all of this is accomplished through the Word of God. God the Father speaks the Word, the Son incarnates the Word, and the Holy Spirit applies the Word. Listen to these verses. For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth. It shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it. So God speaks and he does things through his word. The father speaks, the son carries out the action and the Holy Spirit affects or applies. Which is why when we pray for the sermon, we often pray in this way, that God the Father would speak through the voice of the Son by the power of the Holy Spirit. And it's not a ritual formula. It's very intentional because that's how speech works. And that's how God works through speech. And this is how God does things in the world, which he created through speech. Which shows man's absurdity when they create idols that can't speak. because man wants to be the subject dissecting the object, but when God speaks, he is the subject dissecting us, the object. God speaks, and his word accomplishes everything for which it was sent. So in summarizing this sort of whirlwind introduction, we've said that speech is an action, it's us doing things, and that it works in three parts, the act, the intent, and the effect. Now I want to take these truths and pair it with the wisdom of the Bible concerning how we talk, how we use speech, and how we communicate. So we're going to use the three parts of the speech act as our outline. First, the act of speech, then the intent of speech, and finally the effect of speech. So let's begin with the act of speech. We talk all the time. We talk all the time, don't we? Without speech, human society would not and could not function. Think about the Tower of Babel, when the languages of the peoples of the earth were confused, and what did they do? They split up and went their separate ways, because if you couldn't understand the other person, you couldn't really function very well with them. And since speech makes up the majority of what we do as human beings, it certainly deserves our attention, doesn't it? And when we recognize that speech is an action, that alone should go a long way in helping us to think a little bit before we speak. We're very familiar with the phrase that says, you know, you better think before you do that. And we're thinking in that context, generally speaking, of actions. But we remember that speech is an action as well. And so understanding speech as an action will go a long way to helping us realize we need to give it serious consideration, serious thought, and we need to understand it carefully. So under this section of the act of speech, let me make three suggestions in the realm of wisdom. Number one, consider the occasion. Consider the occasion. Before you speak, consider the occasion. We all know that it would be inappropriate to stand up and play a trumpet during a wedding ceremony. You just shouldn't do that. That would be inappropriate. We know that in certain situations, certain actions would be inappropriate or unhelpful. And given that speech is an action, the same is true. So before you do something by talking, give some thought to, is this the time and place? Proverbs 1019 says, when words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent. In other words, in the act of speech, sin is not lacking. So think before you speak. We read recently in Ecclesiastes chapter 5 that a fool's voice comes with many words. It's also been translated that a fool is known by his many words. And all throughout Proverbs, it's a very common pattern that the man who restrains his tongue is considered wise, while the man who won't stop talking is considered foolish. It's not the man who never speaks, but it's the man who speaks the right thing at the right time, who's deemed wise. So before you speak, before you act, consider the occasion. Would it be appropriate? Is this the right time and the right place? As James says, let every man be slow to speak and quick to listen. So consider the occasion. Speech is an act. Think before you act. Number two, prepare for any occasion. Prepare for any occasion. We may do our best to make wise choices about when we are going to speak. We may make wise choices when we come to certain occasions. But sometimes occasions come to us, don't they? Occasions come to us. Things happen. In spouses, conflict always comes at an inconvenient time, doesn't it? Why do you think that is? Well, it's because conflict is often sparked by inconvenient times. Patience runs out in our daily routines and work, and then when we have to deal with another person, there's no patience left. That means that issues in married life and family life are often brought to the surface at charged times and in charged situations. And when things are going nicely or conveniently, you normally don't think to take that time to work on issues, and even if you do think of it, you may not want to take that peaceful time and potentially turn it into a time of conflict. So what do you do? Well, although the ideal would be to work on issues in times of peace and convenience, we have to be prepared for any occasion. Because, face it, we live life in a fallen world, don't we? So we have to consider the occasion, but we also have to prepare for any occasion. Proverbs 1714 says the beginning of strife is like letting out water. So quit before the quarrel breaks out. Isn't that true? The beginning of strife is like letting out water. So quit before the quarrel breaks out. There will be times where it's wise to say, let's not discuss this right now. At the same time, conflicts arise in moments of difficulty and often demand immediate attention and resolution. For example, do not let the sun go down on your wrath. Things need to be dealt with. But sometimes it's not the right time. Well, what do we do? It takes wisdom. But we have to be ready for any occasion. We have to be careful not to go one way or the other in extremes, and we have to remind ourselves that we're operating in the realm of wisdom, not a clear-cut world of law. This means that you have to recognize that speaking is an action and that it may or may not be wise to pursue a given issue at a given time. You have to prepare for any occasion. And there's extremes. On the one hand, it would be unwise to demand that any time an issue comes up, it must be dealt with in full at that moment. And on the other hand, it would be unwise to postpone any discussion when it becomes clear that conflict is involved. We have to be prepared for any occasion, understanding that things will happen. And sometimes they need to be dealt with on the spot. At other times, it's best to wait. Thirdly, don't create unnecessary occasions. Don't create unnecessary occasions. Firstly, we're thinking about, is this the right time? Secondly, we're recognizing that sometimes we don't have a choice and occasions come up in our lives. And thirdly, we're saying, things get difficult enough as they are, so don't create occasions. Don't create unnecessary occasions. The last thing that anyone needs, single or married, is to have to deal with unnecessary issues. For example, if a spouse says, I want a chinchilla, and the other spouse says, I don't think that's a good idea. There's a choice that has to be made. I can push hard for this chinchilla, or I can let it go. And there are many neutral and unnecessary topics and issues that enter family life and set up camp. And they're not important. They're not necessary. But they create occasions for conflict because of stubbornness. So remember that your speech is an action. And think about what you're about to do before you do it. And don't create unnecessary problems with your speech by doing things, by placing difficulties in the family life. This brings us to our second major point, the intent of speech, the intent of speech. We're saying, think about what you're about to do before you do it, which brings us to the intent. And this is probably the most important part of the whole subject in mind, because if speech is an action, the question is, what are you doing? What are you doing? If you walked into a house and you found a wife lying on the kitchen floor bleeding and her husband standing over her with a clenched fist, you'd say, what did you do to her? And you would know he hit her. But we are far more subtle than that, aren't we? Although spousal abuse can and indeed does happen, generally speaking, we are not so bold. But we do things to our spouses, don't we? And we do things to our friends, and we do things to our family members, and we do things to our children. Why? Because we talk to them all the time. And speech is an action. So what are our options? What can we do? Proverbs has a lot to say. Let me read several verses to you. Proverbs 10, 11. The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence. Proverbs 12, 18. There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 15, 4. A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit. Proverbs 15, 23. To make an apt answer is a joy to a man and a word in season how good it is. Proverbs 25, 15. With patience, a ruler may be persuaded and a soft tongue will break a bone. As you can see, we can do a lot of things with speech. Speech can give life, it can conceal violence, it can thrust swords, it can bring healing, it can break the spirit, it can bring joy, it can persuade, it can break bones. Of all of our childhood sayings, perhaps the most untrue is sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me. Words do a lot of things, don't they? Because they have intent. Let me offer three points under this heading as well. Number one, do not sin. Do not sin. Wisdom applies the law contextually, which means that the law sets boundaries and wisdom plays in those boundaries. But when we approach speech, it's not simply a free for all in the realm of wisdom. There are boundaries delineated by the law of God. And when we speak, we can do a lot of things. But some of those things are sinful and thus are never legitimate options for our speech. We may not do them. For example, you must not lie. You must not deceive. You must not hurt. You must not insult. You must not gossip. You must not seduce. You must not malign. You must not misrepresent. You must not manipulate. We could go on. You must not take the name of the Lord your God in vain. We could multiply that list quite a bit. In other words, there are things that you must not do. And since speech is an action, you must recognize that fact. And the opposite, the converse, is that with our speech, we must do good. We must tell the truth. We must encourage, edify, instruct, heal, bless, honor God, etc. And brothers and sisters, this is law, not wisdom. This is a non-negotiable part of our obedience to the exalted Lord Jesus Christ. And so, do not sin with your speech. Your words are actions, your speech is an action, and there are many actions that are sinful which you must not do. Your intent may not be sinful. Number two, stick to conventions. Stick to conventions. By convention, I mean a standard way of doing things. Once we have set some of our boundaries according to the law, then we get to play in those boundaries. And we find ourselves thinking about how we can accomplish our lawful intentions. We want to do things with speech that are within the realms of law. Now, how are we going to accomplish those things? In our speech acts, we are intending to do things. If you want to be successful in what you're intending, you have to make sure that your action is understandable. This requires wisdom because it changes depending on your circumstances and conventions. I'll explain. In other words, depending on a given society or culture or person, they will understand and communicate different things in different ways. For example, it's commonly understood that raising your fists and furrowing your brow means, I want to fight you, or I will defend myself. It communicates a stance of aggression, opposition, perhaps even violence. But if what I want to communicate to you is, I want to fight you, but I smile and wave a pinky finger at you, you're not going to get the message, because this is not a conventional way of saying anything to someone. It won't be understood. You have abandoned a conventional way of expressing yourself if that's what you do. So we have to recognize that there are common conventions of language and communication that are distinctive and unique to cultures, to societies, and even to individual people. And you have to know those things and use them so that other people understand you. Answering a fool according to his folly and not answering a fool according to his folly requires you to know that person and to know, okay, what's going to work with this person? What are the possible ways in which I can accomplish the thing I'm intending with this person? And so you will answer the fool accordingly. If you can tell that conventions will fail with that person, it makes your choice clear. But in a specific context, like marriage, Each spouse has to know the other spouse so that they can express love to the other in a way that is legible and understandable to the other. But there has to be a give and take involved. A husband must be willing to express love to his wife in the way that she understands it and receives it. But she must be equally willing to read the way that he expresses love according to his own personality and character. In other words, a husband needs to wrap himself up in wrapping paper that the wife likes. But she has to be willing to accept that when she takes off that wrapping paper, it's the husband that's there. And the same is true, of course, from wife to husband. It goes both ways. You may remember when Pastor Lindblad was here a few weeks ago, he gave us an example of a husband who gave a pair of used skis to his wife for her birthday. And he used the expression, he really missed the boat on that one. Well, it's true. He should have stuck to conventions. He should have stuck to what's the standard way that communicates A to person B. He should have given more time to knowing his wife's conventions and stuck to that. And communication in a marriage, really in any context, is a very difficult thing. So remember that when you speak, you're doing something. And in considering what you're about to do, think about how you're going to accomplish that. And in thinking about how you're going to accomplish that, take into account the conventions of communication between yourself and the other person. If that's your spouse, you need to know your spouse and what is meaningful to them, and they need to be willing to take things that you are intending to be meaningful. If it's with a family member or a boss or a co-worker, you have to adapt your speech in different ways to accomplish communicating to that person. Third point. First, we said don't sin. Second, we said stick to conventions. Number three, don't try to win. Don't try to win. Inevitably, spouses end up in conflicts of one sort or another and some more than others. So what do you do when you're speaking to each other and there is a conflict of one sort or another? You must recognize that in this conflict of speech, you're each trying to do something to the other person. You're both trying to do something to the other person. And what you shouldn't try to do is win the argument. What you shouldn't try to do is win the argument. If what you're trying to do is win an argument, the only possible result is that you have defeated your spouse. You have won. Congratulations. What good is that in a marriage? Do you want your relationship to be a two-team game where one wins and the other loses? Well, if we take off the table the options of manipulation, deceit, intimidation, insulting, and other such elements, the options we're left with are edification, pursuing truth, encouraging, and loving. That doesn't sound like trying to win to me. I've heard it said that one must simply accept the fact that spouses fight. There's a bad extreme of avoiding dealing with conflicts, thinking that it promotes or preserves peace, which is not true. And there's another bad extreme of embracing fights. Let me say this. Spouses should not fight one another. They should not fight one another. In other words, spouses should not lock horns trying to win, trying to win a fight. So while it's true that one must accept the fact that conflicts arise in a marriage, and while it's true that one should not avoid that fact or refuse to deal with it, it is equally true that the way to deal with those conflicts is not by fighting the other person. When conflict arises, if it's the right time to deal with it, don't try to win. Both spouses need to unite their speech by doing the same thing, Namely, finding the best solution to the conflict for the sake of their marriage and family. And that doesn't mean that different perspectives and opinions are not presented or not voiced in such a discussion. It does not mean that. It just means that those differing perspectives and opinions are not arranged in battle lines against each other. And that takes a lot of wisdom, doesn't it? And one of the reasons why it's sometimes good to postpone discussion of issues is that in the heat of the moment, you may not be very capable of stopping yourself from taking the sinful options in your speech choices. But we all need to be prepared for any occasion, as we've said. And as James says, we need to be willing to yield. The wisdom that is from above, heavenly wisdom, is willing to yield. And if you're willing to yield, you're not trying to win. So then, in your intent, In the action of speaking, do not sin, stick to conventions, and don't try to win. And remember that we're operating within the realm of wisdom, which means there's more we could say, there's more that could be added to this discussion. And for example, if there is a conflict that arises in a marriage where one spouse is telling the other spouse to do something that's sinful, In that case, it's not a matter of fighting, it's simply a matter of there's a higher authority that prevents me from ever taking that action. And so you have to understand that there's more to the picture here. We're looking specifically at the realm of wisdom, not the realm of law. We mentioned that earlier. So do not sin, stick to conventions, and do not try to win. Let's conclude with the effect of speech, the effect. We've talked about the act Is this the time to speak? Should I speak? Being ready for the fact that occasions come to us, etc. Not creating unnecessary occasions. The intent. What are we allowed to do with our speech? We're not allowed to sin. Well then, how should we communicate through speech? We have to give serious thought to conventions of speech. And we have to recognize that trying to win a fight with our spouses is not a legitimate action. Getting to the effect of speech. One of the things that hits us in the face when we deal with this issue is that our speech acts, the things that we do through speaking, are very often, in fact, most of the time, unsuccessful. Most of the time, our speech acts, the things we do with our speech, are unsuccessful. The things we intend don't come about. So what does the book of Proverbs say are some of the possible results or effects of our words? Let me read a few verses to you. Proverbs 27, 5 through 6. Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. Profuse are the kisses of an enemy. Proverbs 28, 23. Whoever rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with his tongue. Proverbs 18, 21. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits. Proverbs 12, 25. Anxiety in a man's heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad. Proverbs 21, 9. It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife. So what are the effects of speech as shown in these verses in Proverbs. Well, there's faithful wounds. You may be hurt by something, but it has been faithfully performed to you. Enemy kisses, you may have been kissed by an enemy. Favor following rebuke, you may have rebuke someone, and the effect of that is that they appreciate you more. Flattery, you may have been flattered. Death and life, gladness from a good word and misery in a contentious household. You can see the effects. that are coming from speech. And so I can ask the question, what is your house like? What characterizes your house? Well, it is most likely the result of your speech because that's the majority of what you do in your house and what you're doing to other people in your house. So think about the effects that our speech have on other people, which leads me to two final observations. Number one, be persuadable. Be persuadable. When we were talking about the intent and saying, don't try to win. We're looking at that from the perspective of the person who's talking. Your intent should not be to win. But when we're talking about the effect, we're kind of shifting the perspective to the person who's being spoken to. Be persuadable. We've just touched on this by mentioning James 317, where James says that heavenly wisdom is willing to yield. And if speech is an act with an intent directed at other people, you have to recognize that at times you are the object of someone else's intent. If your spouse is trying to persuade you about something, persuasion is their intent, be persuadable. Sometimes a person can do everything in their power to carefully and sensitively say something to someone else. And all of their work goes down the drain when that other person is stubborn, uncaring, or unkind. All of our efforts and intents can be thwarted by the person we're trying to persuade. You can put in a lot of work to the act of speaking, it's the right time, it's the right occasion, and then you think about your intent, I'm going to say it this way, sticking to this convention, and if the other person is in a bad mood, or if they are just being stubborn, if they are being unpersuadable, They can diffuse all of the hard work that you have put into that. So if you are the object of someone else's intent, be persuadable. All of our efforts and intents can be thwarted by the person we're trying to persuade. That can be very discouraging. In a marriage, don't be that way. Don't be a difficult husband or a difficult wife. Be persuadable. Proverbs tells us that wounds from a friend are faithful. If your spouse talks to you about an area in which you need improvement, listen to them. Proverbs says that a wise man listens to rebuke, and then the other person finds more favor in their eyes. If you are the object of rebuke, the other person is intending to rebuke you, obviously understanding that we take that word a little bit too strongly, but you understand what I'm saying, listen to that person. Conversely, Proverbs says that there's nothing worse than a contentious spouse. It'd be better to live in the corner of a rooftop than with a contentious spouse. Do not try to win if you are the subject acting on someone else. And if you are the object, be persuadable. You will exasperate your spouse and drain them of all of their patience and hope if you make yourself an immovable object. And of course, we're talking about the realm of wisdom. We're not talking about moral issues. Be persuadable. Be willing to yield. Lastly, be prepared for failure. Be prepared for failure. We've already said that most of our speech acts, most of the things that we intend, do not come about. They're not accomplished. And that's due to lack and fault and sin on both sides, the person speaking and the person being spoken to. Both parties contribute to unsuccessful speech acts. But as spouses, particularly, we have to be able to weather the storm. Proverbs 19.22 says that what is desired in a man is obstinate leadership. No, what is desired in a man is steadfast love. Does that in any way preclude leadership? Of course not. Just saying that not listening to other people's opinions or moving forward without consulting other people is not true leadership. We have recently read in Ecclesiastes 7, 21 to 22, do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. Your heart knows that many times you yourself have cursed others. As Pastor Hodgins was saying earlier today, that you can't take to heart all of the words of men, whether they're praising you or cursing you, because you've had many different intents with the things that you have said before. You've intended many different things. And so we have to be prepared for failure. We have to recognize that people don't communicate perfectly. In fact, they very seldom communicate even well. Most people communicate very poorly. And I think that one of the large reasons why that is the case is because we don't think of our speech as an action. And so we don't give as much thought to it as it deserves. Being prepared for failure means giving other people the benefit of the doubt. It means that if you see what they're trying to get at but they're not expressing it well, you don't force them to get it right before you move on with them. It means that you don't give up on communication when the other person is unpersuaded. It means that you learn from your mistakes and sharpen up your language so that other people will understand you in the future. It means that we exercise love by covering a multitude of offenses. It means that you're ready and willing to forgive, even if the apology is not a perfect one. If seeking forgiveness is the act and intent of the other person, and you're the one from whom they're seeking forgiveness, and if you see that they are sincere, don't make them reword their apology until you're pleased with it. If you can see their intent, that they're trying to apologize, they're trying to accomplish the effect of being forgiven, forgive them. Be prepared for your failures in speech, and be prepared for the failures of others in speech. Understand that you're not going to be perfect and they're not going to be perfect. Season your speech with salt, Paul says. Proverbs says that a soft answer turns away wrath. It also says that sweetness increases persuasiveness. Use this wisdom to be prepared for failure. Well, in conclusion, I want to remind you that in order for us to make progress in our lives as individuals, as spouses and as families, our greatest progress will come from obeying the God who speaks to us through his word. God's intent is to sanctify us, and he will bring about that effect by his word. And we should be encouraged that God's word will accomplish its purposes in our lives. As was said in the Sunday school lesson this morning, the Holy Spirit dwells within us, uniting us to Christ, stealing to us our status as adopted sons of God, the Father, God, the Father, Son and Holy Spirit will sanctify us through his word. But that does not remove our responsibility to be the ones who put these things into practice. Make obedience to God's word primary in your life, and in particular, apply its laws and its wisdom to your speech. And given that speech is an action, consider the occasion. Be prepared for any occasion and don't create unnecessary occasions. Given that speech takes action into intent, it intends things, we do things. Do not sin. Stick to conventions and don't try to win. And lastly, given that speech produces an effect, be persuadable, be able to be effected and be prepared for failure. Let's pray. Our father in heaven, we thank you that you have spoken to us in these last days through your son, the incarnate word, and we thank you that because of the Holy Spirit who applies that word, we truly can grow in sanctification. We ask that you would assist us to be obedient to you, that we might not sin with our lips, that we might honor you with our lips. We ask that you would give us wisdom concerning the way that we speak to one another, whether as spouses or parents to children or children to parents, as sisters and brothers in Christ with unbelievers around us. We ask that you would give us wisdom. Father, we ask that you would cause us to be steeped in your word, that its truths and wisdom might seep into us and that our speech might be seasoned with salt because of you working in us and through us by your word. We ask that you would glorify us through our speech. In the name of your Son, Jesus Christ, Amen.