Take our Bibles, look at a few verses tonight in Colossians. Well, let's go to Proverbs, first of all, Proverbs chapter 18. And we'll look at a couple of verses there, Proverbs 18. And then we want to look at Colossians, and then we'll delve into our message. So Proverbs 18, and notice verse 14. And the Bible tells us, listen closely, verse 14, the spirit of man will sustain his infirmity, but a wounded spirit who can bear." So God speaks about a wounded spirit. And then also in verse 19, a brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city, and their contentions are like the bars of a castle. So The David spoke here about a brother offended is hard to be one in a strong city. So when there's an offense in the family, it can really cause a lot of problems. And then he goes on and says, and their contentions are like the bars of a castle. They're real strong issues. And then let's go to Colossians chapter 3. Colossians chapter 3. The Bible just states here in verse 19. Colossians 3 verse 19. husband, love your wives, and be not bitter against them." So, you know, I could preach this to the whole congregation, but I'm going to specifically speak to men tonight about, you know, problems of bitterness and contention and things. So, the Bible, the definition of the word offense is the art of causing resentment, hurt feelings, displeasure. And God was, you know, of course He's the almighty and all-knowing. He knows what man is made of. And, you know, when there's an offense in our life, and I'm talking about families, a wife, children, and so on, sometimes it can be a wedge in our life. a continual source of issues and problems in our lives. We don't want that. And so, let's speak a little bit about the fact is, you know, people say they're beyond offending. Well, we should be. Let me say this, beloved. The Bible says in Psalm 119, great peace have they that love thy law and nothing shall offend them. Now, I'm not there yet. I'm just going to be open and honest. But I'm telling you, I find less and less offense with people. I forgive people quicker. But the idea that offense can really be a stronghold in our lives, and especially what the Bible tells us. Now, think about this. God specifically says, ye husbands. You know, be not bitter against your wife. Now, there's a lot of things I've found over the years during ministry and helping people, people outside of church, people within the church, where people are offended at their wives. And there's all sorts of offenses. It may be that the wife is offensive. That could be it. You know, what she says, how she treats you, and so on. But a lot of times, guys will be offended at what wives don't do or what they do do. And so we have to look into this and delve into this. So we see the case of being offended. There's all sorts of offenses. There's innocent offenses. What we do, say, imply, things are grossly misunderstood, and the result, an offense. A child may say something to you. A teenager spouts off, and he's going to let you know. what he thinks of the whole deal and so on. You know, that could be an innocent offense. It could be an intended offense. We plan to execute things that are what we know will hurt the people, and it could be something that is slanderous, something that is gossip, abuse, mockery. or insults, you know, they're intended offenses. And then third of all is indirect offenses. So they're third parties offenses. So in Psalm 15, let's turn there please, Psalm 15, and the Bible tells us in Psalm 15, One thing about the book of Psalms, you turn a page and you'd be 10 psalms away. So Psalm 15, and notice verse 3. The Bible says, he that backbiteth not with his tongue, nor doeth evil to his neighbor, or taking up a reproach against his neighbor. So there are things that would be considered indirect offenses. So when we see others who are hurt by offenders, we can take up someone else's offense. We can take up a cause. Someone says something to your wife, and right away you're going to take an offense against that person who said that, maybe another woman. But the thing is this, you weren't there, you don't know what she said or how she said it. We're not to take up an offense for someone else. It's not wise. And I'm not saying that you don't side with your wife, you don't side with your children, but you want to be cautious. Because again, you don't know for sure how it was said, what they said. And may I say this, beloved, I know this to be true because I've done it before. You know, we're going to promote ourselves best we can, right? We're going to tell you our side of the story. And it may be truth of what we know to be truth, but it may not be accurate. Does that make sense? All right. So then there's also indirect offenses, but there's also incidental offenses. These are grains of sand that take our focus off the journey and into things that are discomforting. And there's trivial or minor matters often resolved in serious or major offenses. And these are things that are just an irritant. So incidental offenses. And then there's imaginary offenses. There's exaggerations, mistrust, suspicions, and built offenses that are not there. So these are things that are different offenses that come. And we have to be discerning to know what is a sound offense. But we also have to learn to forgive, which we'll get to in a little bit. So someone tell me, as we're going through this, when it's about 25 till, all right? When I have 10 minutes left. And then the Bible says there's causes for being offended. So there's a talk offense. Notice Proverbs chapter 18, please. Let's go back to Proverbs chapter 18. And notice verse six through eight, please. Proverbs 18, verse 6 through 8. And the Bible says, a fool's lips enter into contention, and his mouth called it for strokes. A fool's mouth in his destruction, and his lips are a snare of his soul. The words of a tailbearer are his wounds. They go down into the innermost part of the belly. And then notice verse 21. The Bible says, death and life are in the power of the tongue. and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof." So we have to be very careful concerning offenses. The Bible tells us here in verse 21 that death and life are in the power of the tongue. So I can tell you stories. I know of a preacher who one time killed himself. because there were things that were said within the church and got out into the community that were not true. It was absolutely false. And it was proven to be false after he took his life. But he just couldn't live, you know, thinking that people thought that about him. Now, it wasn't right that he took his life, but I could see that, you know, life and death are in the tongue. And what people say can cause great destruction. Think of this, beloved. Think of the gossip, I don't know, the different programs on TV that just deal with gossip, and the different magazines that are out there. People have had serious issues with things that were drummed up about them that are absolutely false. They weren't true at all. And yet, that's what happens with the tailbearer. That's what happens when people go around gossiping and saying, I don't know this to be true, but. So there's a problem with that. Right? And so the Bible tells us that talk can offend. Now, there's five different wounding words. There's cutting words. People can be condescending. There's piercing words. Maybe true, but the person who says it to you can really pierce your soul, your heart. are biting words. The Bible speaks about poisonous words. A tongue is a poison, unruly. It's unruly. And then there's burning words. Both come from James chapter 3 about the tongue. So talk offends and then trials offends. Let's go to John chapter 16, please. John 16. And we're going to bring this back to the home in just a moment. John 16, and notice verse 1. And the Bible says, these things have I spoken unto you, that you should not be offended. So Jesus tells us here, He didn't want them to be offended. And notice John chapter 15, and we'll pick up again verse 19. And the Bible says in verse 19, if you are of the world, the world would love his own. But because you're not of this world, but I have chose you out of this world, therefore the world hateth you. Remember the word that I said unto you, the servant is not greater than his Lord. And they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you. And you have kept my Satan, they will keep yours also." So William Tyndale, he was a great preacher before the King James Bible was accomplished, and he was asked about his difficult life. And he said, I never expected anything else. So the idea is that his expectations were accurate. Lots of times, we expect them to do this, or our wife, or our children. Now, there's nothing wrong with having expectations, but sometimes our expectations are not of the Lord. And that's why the right thing to do is, the Bible says, you know, let your expectation be of the Lord. So the best thing to do is make sure your expectations are of God, that God leads you. to accomplish what he wants you to believe, what he wants you to know. And I'm not saying you shouldn't have expectations of your wife. She's going to make dinner or make breakfast. The kids, there should be certain expectations. But the thing is this, is that we're all marred individuals. We all fall short. We all fail. And so that's why your expectations should not be in your wife, they should be of the Lord. Should not be of your child, should be in the Lord. And that's the safest way of dealing with life. And you may say, well, you know, the expectations I just thought, and my wife would iron this, I thought my wife would take care of me. She just stays at home. But let me ask you this. She could have been distracted. If she has small children at home, if she has teenagers at home, if she has adults at home, she could have been distracted. She may have forgotten. So the idea is that our expectations should be of God. Amen? And that's the right way of looking at this. And then we see the truth offense. In Galatians 4.16, Paul said, I am therefore become an enemy because I tell you the truth. So, you know, when people speak the truth to us, we shouldn't be so offended. Why would we be offended at truth? And if it's true, then take it on the chin, make the correction, do the right thing. So Jesus offended quite a few people with the truth. He did it to false disciples. Notice John chapter 6, please. John chapter 6. And we pick up here in John 6, verse 53. And he said to these false disciples, He said in verse 53, then Jesus said unto them, verily, verily, I say unto you, except ye eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drinketh blood, ye have no life in you. I'm sorry, is that right? Yeah, 53. So then he goes on and tells us in verse 55, for my flesh is meat indeed, but my blood is drink indeed. He that eateth my flesh and drinketh my blood dwelling me and I in him." So we find down a few verses here that, in verse 60, many disciples, when they heard this, they said, this is a hard saying. Who can hear it? Well, why? They thought they were going to have to eat his flesh and drink his blood. But Jesus always explains himself in verse 63. He said this. He said, it's the spirit that quickeneth. The flesh profit nothing. The words. that I speak unto you their spirit and their truth." So it wasn't a literal understanding, but the idea that you've got to receive all of Jesus into your heart. You can't receive part of Jesus. Jesus said it's all or nothing. You know, he that is not with me is against me. And so the Bible goes on and says in verse 66, from that time many of the disciples went back and walked no more with him. Now, these are not true converts. And you say, well, how do you know that? Well, notice chapter 8, if you would. Chapter 8, in verse 47, watch what he says. He that is of God heareth God's words. You're therefore a healer not because you're not of God. So Jesus is explaining what happened back in chapter six. The reason they departed and walked no more with him, they were offended at what Jesus said. And Jesus explained himself. It wasn't like he just left it out there. You're going to eat the flesh and drink my blood. He explains in verse 63, it is a spirit that queneth flesh, prophet, and nothing. The words I speak unto you, they are spirit and they are life. So he was explaining them about, don't be offended what I'm saying. I'm teaching you something here. But they walked no more with him. They weren't true converts. That's all there was to it. So they were false disciples. Jesus spoke to his family in Matthew 13, verse 57. He said that because of the kingdom of God, he said that you're my mother, you're my father, you're my brother because he said that your family's outside but Jesus said you're my family why because he had been born again by the Spirit of God you're part of God's family and then he said to the Pharisees know that Matthew chapter 15 please Matthew 15 and we pick up here in in verse 12, Matthew 15 verse 12, the Bible says, then came his disciples and said unto him, knowest thou that the Pharisee were offended when they heard this saying? Well, the word of God offended them. And then he says in Matthew 26, let's turn there, Matthew 26, and we pick up here in Matthew 26 in verse 31, And the Bible tells us, then saith Jesus unto them, all ye shall be offended because of me this night. For it is written, I will smite the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock shall be scattered abroad. But after I am risen again, I'll go before you in Galilee. Peter answered and said unto him, though all men shall be offended because of thee, yet will I never be offended. Well, he was proven wrong. Am I correct? So we find that there was offense there. And Peter was offended. And he cursed and swore when he was accused of being one of Christ's disciples. Now, God roots out people who are offended at the truth. to expose their unbelief, their legalism, and their hypocrisy. So we see that talk offends, trials offend, truth offends, and temperament offends. Now, temperament is a combination of inborn traits received genetically that subconsciously affects a person's behavior. Because of their physical, emotional makeup, some people tend more to be unstable. Some are more cruel. Some are lazy. You know, they're just offenses that come. It may be a child. You know, you may have a real issue with a son or a daughter and make a statement maybe to yourself or to your wife or to someone else in the family that, you know, you're offended or you can't stand them. You don't like when they act that way and so on. Or you may say, they get on my nerves. And this is not right. We need to be patient with all people. Now, here's the thing you want to think about with your wife and with your children, even relatives, even friends. You know, you want to think, how does God look upon this? And I say that with all sincerity because, you know, God is long-suffering. God is long-suffering. And you may think I'm very long-suffering, but God is long-suffering. He's perfect in His long-suffering. And He'll be patient with people when we're ready to throw them away, when we're ready to be dulled up, when we're ready, you know, I'm finished with them. We're not to be that way. We have to be patient. and uh... long-suffering with people and may I say this you know a wife can be offensive that's what god says in his word uh... your husband be not bitter against your wife's and that's an issue with some men's lives they can find fault they can you know find bitterness in their soul towards their wife and let me tell you something gentlemen you think you're going to get away with it you can't Because the Bible tells us in 1 Peter chapter 3, let's turn there, 1 Peter chapter 3, and God tells us that our prayers are going to be hindered. And so it's important to dwell with our wives in a faithful way. And notice what he says here in chapter 3, and the Bible says in verse 7, Likewise, your husband dwell with them according to knowledge, according to what the Bible says. Giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, as being heirs together to the grace of life, that you are at what? Prayers be not hindered. And so the idea that you want to give her honor, why? Your wife is of tremendous value. Now, I'm not saying that every wife is saved. I'm not saying that you're married to a saved woman. But what I'm saying is that it doesn't matter. Your wife is of great value. And so you want to treat her with respect. The way you speak to her, the way you treat her, verbal, nonverbal communication. You want to honor her. And God says, if you do that, you dwell with them according to what the Bible says. You know, think of all, I'll just tell you, I don't know every situation, I don't, but I'm thinking about the average wife. You know, the stuff that she puts up with. Now, you may think, oh, well, she's privileged to be married to me. Well, that's your opinion. I like to hear her side. I would say that she does the laundry, she has to clean the house, and my wife has shared with me, not in a bitter way, but she's told me over and over again, you know, I have to cook, I put all this together. And it's gobbled up in about 15 minutes, and the food's gone, and it's just all the dishes. You do that for, my wife's been doing it for 40-something years. It started just with me, and then our kids, and then our relative, and our, you know, all these other, and it's the same old story. You know, I've come downstairs, and I usually, not every day, but I usually have some eggs. You know, it's toast, and a good thing Ashley's there to help me sometimes. Sometimes Liz makes it for me. If there's no one around, I'll go to McDonald's and get a breakfast. I'm lazy, all right? I'll admit it. But anyway, sometimes they have fruit and so on. But the thing is this, is that it's the same old, same old. You say, well, what about me? I understand. Many times we do the same thing. And it's repetition. It's another problem at the office, another problem you have to deal with, a different situation we come across. I mean, Jonathan, I can only imagine what you have to deal with on a daily basis. It's something different all the time. You're doing from a wood stove to plumbing to electricity to how to get that wood piece to fit and so on. So what I'm saying is that you want to consider the wife. You want to be kind to her. You want to treat her. uh, honorably with great value. And, you know, I can tell you this, when you say, well, my wife's older now and so on. So is my wife. Don't tell her I said that. Liz told me yesterday, she said, I feel like I'm 14. Good for you, you know? But the thing is this is, you know, we are older, but that's the wonderful thing that God created in marriage. You know, when she was young, you know, through the 20s, 30s, the 40s, the 50s, You know, and you grow old together, and there's nothing wrong with that. And again, you know, you say, well, I wish my wife was, you know, more involved and so on. But you're the key to the marriage. You're the key. You've got to make the marriage worthwhile. You have to invest in your wife. And you say, well, I invested all this year. Keep investing. That's what God says. We don't have to all of a sudden depart. We keep investing. And if your marriage is falling apart, it's your fault. I say that in all sincerity. So then we see the consequences of being offended. Lots of times it's all an offense. People become bitter at their children, at their wife. The offender becomes offensive. So there's a little ditty that says, when we're hit, we hurt. When we hurt, we hit back. When we hate in others, we start becoming. And so someone who's offended can become bitter. Now notice Hebrews chapter 12. Hebrews chapter 12. And notice, if you would, Hebrews 12, and we pick up here in verse, let's see, verse 14, follow peace with all men, holiness without which no man shall see the Lord. Looking diligently lest any fail of the grace of God lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you Thereby many be defiled. So this is what happens He goes on to speak about Esau lest any be fornicator or a profane person at Esau who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright for we know how this at we know how that act would when he would have inherited a blessing, he rejected it and found no place for repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears. So an offense can turn into bitterness. And men may say this, God didn't put this in the word just to fill up a verse. He says here, he tells in verse 19, husband, love your wives, be not bitter against them. So the idea is that we're not to be bitter against our wives. again, it's going to destroy ourselves. It's not going to destroy your wife, it's going to destroy you by being bitter. So the Bible tells us here in verse 15, we've got to watch, looking diligently, the warning lest any man and the wandering fail of the grace of God. Now the key is God's grace never fails. But we can fail of the grace of God. So we can you know, allow God's grace not to have a part of our lives and as a result be failing in the grace of God. So what are the characteristics of bitterness? It grows like a root. It's underground. It's out of sight. It's in the heart of man. And so it grows like a root. It grows rapidly. The Bible uses the term springing up. And so it can spring up in our lives and be there and it could not be there one day and next day, bam, we get bitter at something, we get upset with something, we find offense with something, whether it be a child or a wife. And the consequences of bitterness, it's going to trouble you. This is what we have to understand. You're going to hurt anyone that's going to be yourself. contamination of bitterness, many be defiled. Not only will you be defiled, but then you'll start telling others around you about your wife, about your son, about your daughter, and it can overwhelm you. Now at first, it's underground, but bitterness will all of a sudden be out of sight, and then it'll spring up rapidly. And then the contamination of bitterness, there may be many defiled. Now, What time is it right now? All right, thank you. Very good. The offended becomes defensive. So let's look at some verses here. James, go to Proverbs 26, verse 4. And Craig, go to Proverbs 16, verse 27. And let me just say this, that some curse their offenses when offenses come. So Proverbs 26, verse 4, could you read that for us? All right? So there's an offense. And what happens? Don't answer a fool. If someone offends you, they say something to you and so on. Don't answer them. It's not worth it. It's not worth to find offense to that person. You know, I'll say this. We've all have done it. But the tongue is in a slippery place. And we say things that are not true, or things that are maybe hurtful. And we don't mean to, I would think, that we don't mean to, but we can say it. So second of all, others rehearse their offenses. Proverbs 16, verse 27, please. All right, so the lips are burning fire. What do they do? They go around and repeat. They tell others, they tell others, they tell others, and they spread about these things. They rehearse their offenses. Other people nurse their offenses. An offense comes, and all you have to do is bring up the subject. And it may be with your wife. It may be with a child. It may be with a relative. And all you have to do is bring up that one subject. Bam. They're going to rehearse it. They're going to nurse it. It's OK. They can tell the story, what happened, and so on. It's not right. Let it go. I say that in all sincerity. You've got to learn to forgive. and move on. Now yesterday I mentioned a little bit that there are consequences, there are consequences, so let's just say, I hope this never ever happens, but let's just say that James said something offensive to me, something about the Yankees. He couldn't even compliment meeting Mario Rivera, the greatest clothes in all the world, You couldn't even compliment, but that's all right. I forgive you, James. But anyway, I know, offenses, right? But if I brought that up and I was so offended by that, which I'm not. I care less. I'm so offended by that, but I nurse it. I constantly rehearse it. I tell others, hey, Miguel, you hear what James said? Hey, Marcus, you hear what James said? James said, all the Yankee fans, I'm telling, you hear what James said, you believe that, you think that that's right, you know, what am I doing? I'm driving a wedge between James and others. And it's not right. It's wrong. And we're not to be that way. So Jesus had such complimentary words, even to other people that didn't belong to the disciples, that church that Jesus started. They didn't belong to it. And Jesus said, leave it alone. If you preach the gospel, that's great. But we know that the church was given the commission to preach, baptize, and teach. But the bottom line is this. He didn't find offense with people. Amen? Jesus said from the cross, Father forgive them. They don't even know what they're doing. So that should be our attitude in our lives. So number four, the cure of being offended. And so Let me ask you a few questions. Did you ever have a bad case of poison ivy? A rash can be bad, and the urge to scratch is pure torment, but it gives to the overwhelming temptation to scratch. The problem is only made worse. The poison is spread, and the agony prolonged. I remember Josh gets poison ivy. I remember having it out here, and then when he's up in North Dakota, it doesn't matter where he is, he comes up with poison ivy. And he got it, I mean, all over his body. And he'd be itching and scratching. I told him, I said, I know it's You want to scratch, I know you want to itch, but the thing is this is, you know, going to make it worse. And so I think you learn from that, learn to let it go and leave it alone. And in the same way, people can spread poison, offenses, and the agony is going to be prolonged. So responding to offenses in a wrong way can also make life miserable and self-defeating. And again, let me say this, gentlemen. We can become victims. And God doesn't want us to be victims. He wants to be overcomers. He wants to be more than conquerors. And you may say, well, preacher, my wife does this, this, and this. I understand that. But that's why you want to communicate with her. And I know these things are hard at times, because they may be sensitive. You may know how your wife's going to respond, but you really don't know until you do it. But the thing is this, you want to say, I want to speak to you. I've known you all these years. I'm your husband. I love you. I care about you. But I want to tell you these things are troublesome to me. They really bother me. And you've got to be open with your wife. And again, you say, it's not easy. It's not. But you want to communicate with her, and you want to speak to her. But you've got to be willing to hear what your wife's going to say about you. And there probably are some things that she's bothered by and troubled by. But the thing is this, you want to make the correction. And change that thing. So remember I quoted to you before Psalm 119, 165, great peace of they that love thy law and nothing shall be offended. So you want to be in love with God's word, be in love with God. And the more you are, the less offense you'll find. Why? You understand people. You understand where people are coming from. They may be trying to be funny, and they'll say something stupid. And it could be offensive, but just let it go. If it's something they're going after you, that's a different story. Confront them. Talk to them. But if they're trying to be funny and they say something stupid, let it go. Don't let it trouble you. Let's go to Ephesians chapter 4, please. Ephesians chapter 4. I know we go there many times during the family conferences. But it's the truth. And we pick up here in verse 32. Verse 31 says, let all bitterness, wrath, anger, and clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice. So God tells us here. There's no place in your heart for you to have issues. God said, let all bitterness, whether from the past, with your wife, your sons and daughters, with a relative, with a friend, let all bitterness. You want to be bitter-free. Say, I don't know if I can be. Well, if you understand man's depravity and you learn to forgive people, you'll be better free. I can honestly say that there are some people, let me just clarify this, I don't like. I don't like to be around. No one here in our church. But people I know in the ministry, I don't like them. I feel they're fakes, frauds, and phonies. But it's fine. It's my opinion of them and so on. I see them, I'll be happy, I'll greet them. But I'm not going to hang out with them and be their best friend because I see things in them that I don't like. But the Bible tells us here in verse 32, he tells us, and be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving another, even as God, for Christ's sake, hath forgiven you. Now, there's a man I know. And I know him pretty well. And it's not someone you're thinking of right now. But I know him. But I purposely stay away from him because he has a foul spirit. But if I see him, I'm going to be kind to him. I pray for him and his wife every day. I pray for his family every day. I want them to come to Christ. I don't believe they're saved people. And so the Bible tells us we're to be kind, tenderhearted, forgiving one another. I heard recently there was an issue that he had in his life, and I prayed for him. I don't want to see him like that. I don't want to see him have problems. But God tells us, this is the way we're going to be with all people. We're going to be at peace with people. We're at peace with our wives, at peace with our children, at peace with our relatives, our friends. We're not to be, you know, Jesus spoke about being a peacemaker in the Beatitudes. And, you know, that's what we should be. We should be seeking peace with people. And some people are not going to be able to do it. Jesus said this, the Bible says, if at all possible, live peaceably with all men. Well, you know, just as much as I do, there's some people you can't live peaceably with. That's right. I'm going to be as peaceful as I can. I mentioned this many times during the ministry over all these years. I'll be as close to you as you want to be. Right? I want to be close to people. And you want to be close to me? Hey, that's a good match. But if you don't, you want to be standout? That's fine. That's all right. I respect your wishes. So we've got to forgive immediately. Second of all, we've got to forget ultimately. And this was said by Joseph in the book of Genesis. He said, what you meant for evil, God meant for good. So he understood. His brothers sold him into slavery. They lied to the father. And yet, the old adage is you reap what you sow, or what goes around comes around. And next thing you know, all the brothers are there in Egypt. They're looking for food. And Joseph's in charge of Egypt. I mean, what's the chance of that? Only God could have done that. And next thing you know, he forgave them ultimately. He didn't have issues. He wept when he saw his brothers.