I wanted to talk about a perplexing problem. Something has been on my mind for a while. Nate contacted me Monday night and said he wouldn't be here Sunday. So I asked if I'd be willing to bring the message Sunday night. And he said, sure, I didn't have any plans. But then as you begin to think through, well, what am I going to talk about? You've got some maybe canned sermons that you could always talk about. But something that's been on my heart and mind for a while has been, The problem of adultery started back, I guess, this past summer when the Ashley Madison website was opened up or discovered or hacked, I guess is the proper term for it. Now, I had no clue about an Ashley Madison website before that time. It breaks your heart to know that there's a website out there that fosters or facilitates affairs, but it had been hacked. And kind of didn't think too much about it at first, but then as time went on, we were on vacation, I think, and I heard that Josh Duggar had been found out that he was a member of this website that he had signed on. He had used that website to facilitate an affair that he had, that he was looking for an extramarital affair. And I think most of you know who Josh Duggar is. 19 Kids and Counting is a show on The History Channel, Learning Channel, one of those channels. I think we've watched it since it was probably five kids and counting. But Josh was the oldest son. And Josh was on the show for a while, claimed to be a Christian, et cetera, was now married with four children. And here we see his private life exposed. And it's not what we would hope for a Christian young man's life to look like. In fact, it looked a lot worse than what we ever thought it would. And this sin, really, you can see the effects on Joshua's life. He had to quit his job. You know it hurt his family. It hurt his children. More than that, it hurt his reputation. It hurt the Christian reputation of not only him, but his family. And you begin to wonder, because you feel close to him, because you see him on TV each week, etc. You begin to feel close, and you feel that hurt yourself. You begin to wonder, why would someone do this? You're perplexed as to why someone would have this issue. Then when we got home from vacation, I got a call from my dad, and they lived down in Laurel, and their pastor had confessed to an affair that he had just had while we were on vacation. So just a month or so ago, Pastor Ralph confessed that he too had been in an adulterous affair. And you can imagine the hurt. My dad was almost in tears as he described the shock and disbelief that this man who had been entrusted with the public proclamation of God's word could not be trusted to keep his own word. To make it worse, the affair had been with dad's best friend's daughter. She was now in her 30s, but is still dad's best friend. And you can just see the The snowballing effect of this one man sin on a whole community, on a whole church, on many, many people around him. Ralph had destroyed his reputation and his ministry, and it brought great harm to his wife, his four children, his family, his friends, and even more importantly to his church body. This church was a good growing church. Maybe not on the same page theologically that we are on many issues, but still a very good church. The gospel was being preached. People were being saved and baptized. And then the pasture falls like this, and it really throws all that into disarray. So that's what's on my heart tonight. That's why I wanted to talk about it tonight. I don't understand why these things happen, but maybe through talking about it, going through God's Word, seeing the consequences, seeing the reasons, maybe at least someone will say, you know, I may be tempted in that way, but I'm not going to go down that road. So that's my hope tonight. But it's a very perplexing problem. To perplex means to confuse or complicate the issue. One of the earliest God-ordained institutions is the institution of marriage. In Genesis 2.24, you see God designs marriage as one man and one woman for life. That's God's design. God doesn't give a lot of the deviations and exceptions, etc. He just states, this is my design for marriage. One man, one woman for life. Very simple. God gives the standard alone without all the exceptions and deviations. Basically, stick to the standard and you'll be alright. But we know sin happens. Once the fall came in chapter 3, sin entered mankind and problems began to develop, even in the institution of marriage. We're not sure of the first example of adultery, but it seems like one of Cain's grandsons, Lamech, had two wives. And polygamy is really the same as adultery, there's no real difference. We see later on that Abraham had two wives, Sarah and Hagar. And if you read that whole story, you see all the problems that developed because he had two wives. You see all the infighting and the problems that developed because he didn't follow God's standard for marriage. one man, one woman for life. And then, as time goes on, you see things getting even worse, and 2,000 years later, as God gives Moses the Ten Commandments, one of the seven things that God said not to do He gave Ten Commandments. Seven of those things were things not to do. One of those seven things not to do was adultery. So we know the problem of adultery had become so great by that point that God makes a point in the Ten Commandments to spell that out. Thou shalt not commit adultery, Exodus 20. But even with all the verses and even all the bad consequences that we see all through scripture, all through life, etc., even today, and even maybe more so today, the problem of adultery continues to be rampant. According to the Janus Report, one-third of married men and one-quarter of married women have been involved in an adulterous affair. That's one third of married men, one quarter of married women. Among church people, it's not much better. Those that claim to go to church, those that claim to be evangelical, the percentages are as high as 10%. Almost 10% of church people are involved in some kind of adulterous affair at some point during their lives. It's truly perplexing how you can say you follow God's word and yet throw that right to the curb in a moment of passion. So my hope tonight is to maybe bring more insight into why adultery is so bad. Yes, God's word says it's wrong, but whenever God gives a commandment, it's always for our good. It's not because God's a cosmic killjoy that he's just trying to stop us from having a good time. God knows the consequences. God sees the consequences of bad actions. Bad actions bring about bad consequences. So tonight I hope to give you six reasons not to get involved in an adulterous relationship. First I'd like to say there but for the grace of God go I. We know the temptations in this world. I know the temptations in this world. I understand the emotional pulls and the sexual pulls and all the other temptations that this world brings to a married man. Also a married woman. I'm going to come at it from a man's perspective because that's who I am. But the women have also had these same temptations, same problems, etc. But I'm going to come at it from a man's perspective. The other thing is if we can get all the men to keep their way pure, we won't have a problem with adultery. So men, it's kind of on us in many respects to keep our way pure. We'll keep society's way pure if we do. But you remember the story of David and Bathsheba. We talked about temptations. David had to walk up on a roof in order to be tempted. And just as a side light, I don't think it was his first trip to the roof. I think he'd been up on the roof before. I think he'd seen Bathsheba before. I think when the men went off to war that spring, David stayed behind just for the express purpose of going up on that roof and enjoying his time of sin. Now that's just my opinion. The scripture doesn't say that. But that's just something I know, a way a man's heart and mind work many times. These things get planned out long before they happen. But anyway, David had to climb up on a roof in order to be tempted. For me, it's just a mouth click away. It's just a quick turn the television on. It's to watch a movie. It's to turn on the radio. It's to live in the world around us. These temptations are there. It's not like we can remove ourselves from these temptations because they're there. David had, in many ways, a harder time being tempted and still fell. We have a much simpler time being tempted. So we really had to be that much more aware of those temptations and of that struggle, and to keep our way pure. In many ways, tonight I'm preaching to myself. I'm preaching for myself, because I need to hear these things as a man. I need to understand these things as a man, because these temptations are so close and so strong around us. And I'm hoping that maybe if I can help someone think through it, that it won't happen to them. Maybe I'm being optimistic, but hopefully, as God's Word is preached, it will have an effect. God's Word says that it will. It will not return void. So, I'd like to give you six reasons tonight why you shouldn't get involved in an adulterous relationship. We might call these consequences. We might call these repercussions. But they are things to keep in mind when you're being tempted. Again, it's not if you're being tempted, but when you are tempted. Keep these things in mind. The first reason, of course, is the Bible says not to. The first reason is the Bible says not to. Exodus 20.14, we won't turn there, but you know the Ten Commandments. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not commit adultery. Very plain, very simple. God says don't do it, don't do it. Like many times with young children, you say, you need to go to bed now. Why? You need to go to bed now. Why? We often want to know why. We know God says we shouldn't do it. Why shouldn't we do it? So I'm going to give some more reasons to kind of shed a little more light into why we shouldn't commit adultery. Again, God is not a cosmic killjoy. He gives these commandments for a reason. The second reason not to get involved is for your own good. The second reason not to get involved is for your own good. Turn to Proverbs chapter 6. We'll look at a few verses in Proverbs chapter 6, specifically verse 32, but then the verses that surround it, too, to kind of get the feel and the context. Proverbs 6.32 says, the one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense. He who would destroy himself does it. Do you want to be known as someone who lacks sense, who is a fool? Commit adultery. People around you will think you're foolish, think you have no sense. Do you want to destroy yourself? It sounds pretty Pretty hard hitting. Destroy yourself. What does that mean? Well, let's look at verses 26 through 29. For an account of a harlot, one is reduced to a loaf of bread and a doctor's hunts for the precious life. Can a man take fire in his bosom and his clothes not be burned? Or can a man walk on hot coals and his feet not be scorched? So is the one who goes into his neighbor's wife. Whoever touches her will not go unpunished. So if you're going to play with fire, you're going to get burned. That's basically what the scripture says there. You're looking at a loss of dignity, loss of family, loss of wealth, loss of health, loss of respect, all for a short season of passion. You're also looking at, outside of God's grace, you're looking at a judgment that will never go away, that will last for eternity. So you're looking at destroying yourself. Think on those things when you're tempted. Let's look at verses 30 and 33-33 then. It's kind of interesting to see the context here. It says, men do not despise a thief if he steals to satisfy himself when he is hungry. But when he is found, he must repay sevenfold. He must give all the substance of his health. The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense. He who would destroy himself does it. Wounds and disgrace he will find, and his reproach will not be blotted out. Here he's comparing the adultery to a thief, and if a thief steals because he's starving to death, the thief will be pitied. The thief will find pity because he stole only because he was starving to death. Now, stealing is still wrong, but once a thief repays what he has stolen, and here he says he repays it sevenfold, but once a thief repays what he has stolen, the thief will be forgiven. That sin of thievery will be blotted out. But it's not so with the man who commits adultery. He will not be pitied. It says, the adulterer who steals water from another man's cistern, just because he can, will not be pitied and has no way to repay his debt. The sin cannot be recompensed outside of grace. In other words, you can't pay somebody back once you've committed adultery with their spouse. There's no way to pay that back. You can't pay it back fourfold, fivefold, sevenfold, or ever. There's no way to pay that back. How do you make restitution for adultery? It's impossible. You can't do it. God can forgive it, people can forgive you, but you really can't make restitution for that kind of sin. Another thought about destroying yourself is found in verses 34 through 35 of that same chapter 6 of Proverbs says, For jealousy enrages a man, and he will not spare in the day of vengeance. He will not accept any ransom, nor will he be satisfied, though you give many gifts. In other words, the man's wife who you have committed adultery with is going to be angry. And you may face physical harm. You may face physical danger because of the anger that he has. You can't blame the man for being angry. But don't make him angry is basically the point you're going to destroy yourself or you have the chance of destroying yourself So your physical safety is at risk. The other thing to think about too is your word is worth something. Don't destroy the value of your word just for the value of passion. You made a vow to your wife. You made a vow in front of God and people that you would love, honor, cherish your wife all the days of your life. Do not take that lightly. Keep that word, but when you commit adultery you throw that word right to the right to the curb You promise to love to tell death to you part you need to keep your promises you need to have your word be true Once you prove yourself that you're not worthy of keeping your you're not capable of keeping your word true You've lost something there. You've destroyed something about yourself. That is very important The third reason is your wife. The third reason not to commit adultery is your own wife. Don't commit adultery for your wife's sake. You may be thinking of Ephesians 5.25, which says, Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. And we'll get to that passage. But I wanted to go first to Matthew 22. Verses 36 through 39, and this is also a familiar passage to many people. But Matthew 22, 36 through 39 says, Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law? And he said to him, you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the greatest and foremost commandment. The second is like it. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Now, you can't get much closer of a neighbor than the person you share a house with. You can't get much closer of a neighbor than the one you share a bed with. So, love your neighbor. If you go back to the golden rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Kind of Matthew 7, 12. Same idea, don't do anything to your wife that you wouldn't want her to do to you. Don't do anything against your wife that you wouldn't have her do against you. So think about that when these temptations come. Would you want your wife to be in the doctor's affair? You know, et cetera. Think down those lines. In the vernacular, you never want your spouse to cheat on you, don't cheat on them kind of idea. If you go back to the greatest commandment verses, the ones we just read there in Matthew 22, our lives are supposed to be God-focused first. Supposed to focus on God first, then others focused, and then me focused, right? No, there's no third part of the greatest commandment. It's only the first and second. God focused, and then others focused, and then me. We don't focus on ourselves. We have no problems naturally meeting our own needs, focusing on our own needs. We need to be taught to focus on God first and others first. So no, there's no me third part of that. We don't focus on our own needs. Where we often fall short is when we begin to think about those things. What about me? What about my needs? What about my desires? What about the things that I want? That's where we often fall into temptation and sin, when we begin to think about those things. I'm important too, right? My needs are important. The things I wanted are important. To borrow a sports analogy, there's no I in team. There's no me in Christian. Keep that in mind. There's no I in team, but there's no me in Christian. I am dead last in God's economy. I am here to serve. I am here to keep my word. I'm here to glorify God. But I'm not here to have my own needs met. God will ensure that and has promised to always be there, to never leave me, never forsake me, to meet my needs. But that's not my concern. That's God's concern. My concern should be God first and then others. So when you're tempted in adultery, think on those things. It's not my feelings that are what's important here, it's what God's word says, it's what others need that is really what is important. Okay, now turn to Ephesians 5.25 and we'll look at that. Ephesians 5.25 says, The crux of this verse may be the sacrificial death of Christ on the cross for us, on our behalf, but it also speaks about the daily giving up of Christ's desires for his own well-being, his own safety, his own comfort, his own cares. We as husbands need to be daily giving up our own desires for ourselves and thinking about the needs of others. And in this verse especially, we need to be thinking about the needs and desires of our wives. Again, it's not us that's important. In this verse, it's our wives that are important. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her. What are you giving up today for your wife? What things are you giving up of yourself to make your marriage better? What things are you giving up to make your wife a better, more sanctified person? Think on those things. It's hard. Can we even give up our physical passions? We're talking about giving things up here. Christ gave up his life. Can we even give up our physical passions in order to serve God, to serve our wives? If you move on to verse 29, It says, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does for the church. We're not only supposed to love our wives, we're supposed to nourish and cherish them. We do well enough nourishing and cherishing our own flesh, but we need to be nourishing and cherishing our own wives, our own spouses. Adultery does not fulfill that command. Nourishing and cherishing and adultery do not go hand in hand. We need to keep that in mind. All our actions should show that our wives are valuable and worthy of respect. Let me say that again. All our actions as husbands should show that our wives are valuable and worthy of respect. Okay, fourth reason is your children. Fourth reason, don't commit adultery because of your children. For their sakes, keep your way pure. I want to read this quote. It says, husbands love your wives well. Your children are noticing how you treat her. You are teaching your sons how to treat women. You are teaching your daughters what they should expect from men. Ouch. You look at your lives, you look at the things you do, the things you think are important. What are you teaching your children? When it comes to adultery, talk about loving your wife. You're teaching your sons how to treat women. You're teaching your daughters what they should expect from men. Very important to keep in mind as you go through your life. Keep your way pure. You don't want to teach them things that are wrong. But by our actions, many times we do. Many times by our words, we teach them right. But by our actions, we teach them wrong. So we need to be careful in that. Our actions do not always match our words. Ephesians 6.4, which is not very far from the verses we just read, Ephesians 6, verse 4 says, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. In many ways, that verse is talking about husbands or fathers not to be a domineering, strict father for no apparent reason, but to be loving and understanding in our ways. But many times by our actions, we drive our kids to anger. Many times our children see us saying one thing and doing another. Studies have suggested that children who are victims of parents who are adulterous have problems in school, problems with depression, problems in life. The kids are trying to process, their own conscience is usually pretty clean when they're young. So they know adultery's wrong. But they also love their mom, they love their dad. They try to put them up on a pedestal, they try to honor them, they try to see them as being great people, and they're trying to figure out how these two combine. They know that what dad's doing is wrong, but I love dad. you know, kind of thing. It'll drive the kids to anger. So I think that's what this verse is also touching on, that we shouldn't be hypocritical in the things that we do and the things that we say. We should say and do the same things. So it often drives the children to anger or to depression, and depression is really just anger without activity. If you look at depression, it's just anger without activity. Same idea, it's got an anger root. So we need to lead by word and example. Very important to keep your way pure before your children. Fifth reason is family and others. Fifth reason not to get involved in an adulterous affair is family and others. We are to place our own priorities and needs below the needs of others. We need to think through that. Turn to Philippians 2 verse 3. Philippians 2 verse 3 says, do nothing from selfish or empty conceit, but with humility of mind, regard one another as more important than yourselves. We place our own priorities and needs below those of others. This applies, of course, to all the reasons above, all the people above, but it goes beyond that. When Pastor Ralph committed his act of adultery, I don't think he really thought about the needs of others, the cares of others, the concerns of others, the hurt he was going to cause others, especially his whole congregation that was close to him, that was close to the woman that he had the affair with. All those things were not on his mind when he was having this short season of passion. But we need to think on those things. We need to think about the needs, desires, cares, concerns of others long before we think about our own. But because we often don't, we cause pain. We cause pain to our family, to our friends. And when you're in a pastoral situation, you really destroy the flock of God. The sheep that you were to be shepherding often scatter. They have no more good shepherd, so they scatter. So we need to keep that in mind when we're tempted in this way. Selfishness wins out over the desires, cares, interests of others. Keep others' needs above your own. And then the sixth reason. move along pretty good here. The sixth reason is actually really more important than the first five. I think the first five are strong reasons not to. Somebody to consider when you think about the consequences and repercussions of adultery. But if you don't understand this one, you probably don't really care about the first five. The sixth reason to not become involved in adultery is the holiness of God. God's holiness should be supreme in when we make these decisions. Our lives should be about glorifying God in all that we do. If you turn to 1 Corinthians 10.31. 1 Corinthians 10.31. Tells us that whether then you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. So even things as simple as eating and drinking, we need to do them all for the glory of God. When it comes to our sexual life, we need to do it for the glory of God, not the glory of ourselves, not for our own physical passions. Why? Because God is holy and God will not be mocked. We need to be holy in our conduct. 1 Peter 14 and 15. 1 Peter 1, verses 14 and 15. As obeying children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in ignorance, but like the Holy One who has called you, be holy yourselves. Also in all your behavior, because it is written, you shall be holy, for I am holy. God's holiness should be our first concern when it comes to our behavior. But like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also, and in all your behavior, because it is written, you shall be holy, for I am holy." So God's holiness should be the first thing on our mind. Yes, the pain we cause others, the hurt we cause others, the problems we cause in our lives are important. But when it gets down to the end of the day, God's holiness is really our main desire. Glorifying God should be our main desire. Allowing Him to look holy in our lives should be our main desire. Also, because God is holy, one day we'll stand before him and give an account of all that we've done. They talked about that this morning. God will have us give an account of our lives before him, and we'll see how just unholy we were. Yes, we'll receive rewards for the things that we've done in faith, but I think we'll also see the things that we didn't do correctly. So, save yourself some embarrassment. Try to be holy. The deeper part of this next part is because God is holy and because of salvation, God now lives in us. Turn to 1 Corinthians chapter 6. 1 Corinthians chapter 6. He's talking here about sin. Sin's committed outside the body and sin's committed inside the body. It goes on to say, we'll start in verse 16. Or do you not know that the one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For he says the two shall become one flesh. But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with him. Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body. But the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? You have been bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body. He's talking there about sins that are outside the body, sins that are inside the body. He goes on to say that the sexually immoral sins, the sexual sins that we commit are in our body, they're with our body. And Paul in some ways is kind of going against the narrow disease and kind of talking against that because that was the problem of the day. But he's saying a lot more than that too. Because we are saved, the Holy Spirit now dwells in us. Because we are saved, it says in verse 15, do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? So we're members of Christ, the Holy Spirit lives in us, and we do this sexual sin that is now inside our body. Do you understand what I'm getting at there? We are forcing Christ, forcing the Spirit to participate in that sin, forcing the Holy Spirit and Christ to be there during that sin, because our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. Those sins are happening in that temple. Paul is making the case, I think kind of, Here, it's kind of like when they had the temple, and you had the outer court for the Gentiles, and you had the inner court, and inside of that you had the Holy of Holies. And the Holy of Holies was where God's presence was. God's presence was in the Holy of Holies there. And in that time, only one person went in. The priest went in once a year and had to cleanse himself, etc. But it's much like if you were to take a prostitute and walk into the Holy of Holies and do the act there inside the Holy of Holies, it's the same way it is with adultery. It's the same way it is with sexual sin. God's presence is there during the whole time, even though God is holy. You're forcing the Lord to share in or be associated with that sin. That's how bad sexual sin is. It's not just something that we do out of pleasure, but it's sin within our body. I look at it another way. I remember I got saved between high school and college. That summer between high school and college was when I got saved. But when I went to college, I still went to some parties. But I remember being in these parties with all the drinking and the carousing and everything else going on and just feeling kind of dirty. Kind of like I didn't want to be there. Kind of like this wasn't what I wanted to be part of. I can kind of understand God feeling that way during sexual sins. He is there because he is in that our temple is, our body is now his temple. But it has to be manning to God to have to be part of that, has to be hurtful to God to be part of that. So we need to think about those things. To treat the God of our salvation in this manner is terrible, but it's exactly what we do when we commit adultery, because God is there. He can't be separated from us now that we are saved. He is there. So what do we do with all that? I gave you six reasons to fight that temptation. Six reasons when those temptations come to not get involved, to turn back, to turn away. First, I'd like to just say, if you've kept your weight pure as a married man, praise God for that. Don't be afraid to tell your wife that. Don't be afraid to tell your children that. Because it's not something that we should take lightly. If God has given us a grace to keep our way pure, praise him for that. Tell your wives that, tell your children that. Don't be afraid to, it seems like the only time we talk about adultery is when we failed in adultery. Or the only time that really gets talked about a lot is when somebody has failed in that respect. Don't wait till then to talk to your family friends about that. Because it is something that we should be praising God for. There but for the grace of God go I. But what if you have committed adultery? If there's somebody here tonight that has, maybe it's long in the past, you've never dealt with it, never confessed it, what do you do? If you were to turn to Psalm 51, you'll see David's confession before God. Psalm 51. David cries out to God after he'd gone into Bathsheba and after he had met with Nathan. He knows what he has done. And he says in verse 4, he says, "...against you and you only have I sinned." He's speaking to God at this point. And he says, "...against you and you only have I sinned." In other words, the first thing you need to do is confess your sin to God. Understand that yes, you've wronged a lot of people, but it is God mostly, mainly, who you have sinned against. I have sinned against God. I need to ask for His forgiveness, repent to Him first. Against you and you alone have I sinned. And of course you need to confess it to your spouse. It won't be easy. Probably going to be a hard thing to do. But you need to confess it to your spouse. Then to your children and to others as need be. Anybody who would be affected by it. You need to confess it to them. And then you need to really confess it to the other party and maybe even their spouse. I'd say to bring somebody with you if you do for your own safety and for your own well-being. Bring somebody with you. But you need to confess this all down the line. Then begin to work on the fruits of repentance. Begin to show yourself a man who can be trusted again. Don't just move on with your old life as if this hadn't happened, but you really need to change some things. You need to repent, but you need to show your fruits of repentance. Show that you are a new man. Show that you've learned from this. Show that you've moved on. It's a hard topic, I know, but I kind of felt led to do it, so I hope it was helpful. Okay, let me pray for us and we'll get going. Lord, we are thankful for your grace tonight, Lord. Thankful for your mercies on us. Lord, we do pray you'll help us to keep our way pure. Lord, we know that in this world, Lord, we will be tempted and we will be tried, Lord, and we pray that in those times we will draw on you for strength, that we will trust in you for strength and not in our own selves, for we know how weak we are. Lord, bless us tonight as we leave this place. We pray you'll watch over us this week. Lord, continue to draw us closer to yourself. In Christ's name we pray, amen.