Take your Bibles this morning go to Ephesians chapter number six Ephesians chapter number six we've been in a series on Sunday mornings going through Jesus the one and only we're going to take a break from that today to speak to and to address fathers specifically on this day given to us and just one verse today you say well that's going to be a really short message because you've been preaching like over 10 to 20 verses. Don't count on it, alright? There's a lot here in this one little verse in Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4. And we've entitled this message this morning, A Call to Fathers. If you would, everyone that is able to stand with me for the reading of God's word, and let's say together out loud Ephesians chapter 6 and verse 4. When you're there, say, I'm there. All right, and let's read aloud verse number 4. Ready? And ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. You may be seated. I'm very thankful for my father. He was not just a good man, he was a godly man. He is still to this day as I sent him a message this morning and reminding him Thank you for your faithfulness. The Bible says, who can find a faithful man? And so I thank the Lord for his godliness, for his faithfulness. He continues to impact my life. He continues to impact the lives of my children and his grandchildren. Grandfathers, don't ever underestimate your influence as a grandfather upon your grandchildren. In these verses he addresses fathers directly. One of the greatest privileges that I have in this life is to be called dad by Jordan and Jared and Jackson Grubbs. The greatest day of my life was the day that I got saved, the day I still remember it. It was a Wednesday night in early May. My dad was preaching. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. The second greatest day in my life was the day that I married Kim. And I still remember that day like it was yesterday. 21 years ago, the Lord blessed me with a wonderful wife. The third greatest day that I can think of is the day that I became a dad. the day that I held Jordan in my hands, and Jared in my hands, and Jackson in my hands, and realized the great responsibility, the great privilege of being a father. This verse deals directly with us as fathers, and Paul is dealing with relationships in Ephesians 5 and in Ephesians 6. In Ephesians chapter 5 verse 22 Paul under the inspiration as he begins to address each person in the home I want you to go back to verse number 18 just to get a little reference here in context here before he begins to talk to the husbands about being the right kind of husbands before he begins talking to the wives and to the children and to the parents and As he does in the end of 5 and 6, I want you to look and think about what he says in verse number 18 through 21. He sets the stage and he says, Be not drunk with wine wherein is excess, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord. Giving thanks always for all things unto God and the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God So the key to having a successful and a peaceful home before he addresses each person in the home He tells us the important part of being spirit filled being spirit controlled in our lives spirit controlled as husbands spirit filled as wives spirit controlled and filled as children and as parents. And so he goes in chapter 5, in regards to marriage, he challenges men to love our wives sacrificially and selflessly as Christ loved the church. He repeatedly calls us to prefer our spouse above ourselves. And then he begins in chapter 6, dealing with the responsibility of children to honor and obey their parents in the first three verses of chapter 6. And then in verse number 4, he specifically addresses fathers and our roles in parenting. And Paul knows well, and he understands well, men, our weaknesses. He as a man knows the weaknesses and the shortcomings of men, and so He addresses us straight on in these things in chapter 2. And He calls fathers especially to do this, to handle our children in a specific way that does not provoke anger in them, and for us to bring them up, to nurture them to know the Lord. We might think this is such a great task that God would have given a whole chapter just to speak to fathers and mothers about parenting, but he sums it up in this one verse in such a strong and clear statement of our responsibility as fathers. Now to many young people, being a father is a frightening thing. And some of you are experiencing that right now. Alex and Erica are about to have their first child here in just a few months, and it's a frightening thing, thinking about childhood. It's Father's Day week, so I was reading some things this week, and I came across this story. It says that There were four men in a waiting room, and they were all getting ready to be dads for the very first time. And they're all in the waiting room waiting, and the doctor comes out, and he addresses them all at the same time, all their wives that had their children. And so he comes to the first one, and he says, Mr. Smith, congratulations, you are the father of twins. And he goes, man, that is odd. I work for the Minnesota Twins. And so he says, man, that's incredible. He comes to the next father, and he says, congratulations, sir. You are the father of triplet boys. And he goes, that is incredible. That is the strangest thing, because I work for 3M. And we had three boys. He comes to the fourth one. He says, congratulations, sir. You are the father of quadruplets. And he said, are you kidding me? This is just bizarre, because I work for Four Seasons Hotel. And the fourth dad is over in the corner banging his head up against the wall in a fetal position. And the doctor says, Sir, are you okay? What's wrong? And he says, No, I'm not okay. I work for 7 Up. And so being a father can be a frightening thing, and we're not ready all the time for all that it throws at us. But a lot of times fathers are frightened for the wrong reasons. They think of the challenging task. Many think, well, this is going to be so expensive. How many of you fathers thought that? This is going to be so expensive. There's no way that we're going to be able to afford that. Some of them think it's going to be hard because it's time-consuming, and I'm not prepared for this, and I've never experienced anything. Some of them are reluctant because it will distract from personal agendas. But the real reason that raising children is so difficult can be boiled down to two components. And one is an external component. It is the pressure of society and culture that is around us. Being a parent and leading homes as fathers can be a difficult task because we think about the external pressure that they are going to receive from the society around them. Secondly, not only the external, but the internal pressure. Because every one of those children have a sin nature inside of them, and so you mix the temptations that come with a secular society, and the pressures that come to that, and then the sinful nature that is inside of them, and it can be a fearful thing to lead a family and to lead children. Our children and grandchildren are growing up in a society that is very different from what many of us grew up in. It is a very different society in 2019 than it was in the 1900s. Someone has said that childhood has changed and possibly that childhood is even disappearing. That we are making children grow up so fast that literally childhood is disappearing. And you think about it, childhood games have changed, haven't they? I mean, used to our games were simple and cheap. But today, they're not so simple, and they're very expensive. Childhood games have changed. Childhood schedules have certainly changed. I remember when I was just a little boy out on the farm, it was, we were, during the summer when we were out of school, we ate breakfast, we left the house, and mom and dad didn't worry about us until lunchtime. We came back at lunchtime, we ate lunch, and we were gone again, and we didn't come back till dinnertime. But children's schedules today are changed because parents' schedules have changed. Childhood clothing has changed. in a big way. Childhood language has changed in a big way. You see, before electronics came along, it was parents and teachers who decided what children saw and heard and learned, but it's no longer that way. In many cases, we have no control over what our children see. Millions of young people are on social media between the hours of 1 and 3 a.m. Millions and millions of young people in America. The influence is massive. Our children are overexposed to things, listen, that their minds and their emotions were never meant to handle. They are faced with massive temptations which they are not able to deal with because God never intended for them to deal with. So, these are the external battles, and then you add to that a sin nature. And some of you, I know as grandparents, it's hard for you to realize, but your grandchildren have a sin nature. They are little sinners. And so they have that sin nature that's mixed with all the external pressures. And so we see as precious as our children are and our grandchildren are, you think, well, I just have a hard time seeing them that way. Think of them as a miniature you, OK? Because that's what they are. They're just a miniature you. They are a small person in a sinful body. Someone said, they're not holy little angels to be delicately handled so that they don't get corrupted. They're corrupt little sinners who have to be led to become saints. And that is true. David said this in Psalm 51, from birth he said, I was a sinner. Psalm 58, 3 and 4 says the wicked are estranged from the womb. They go astray as soon as they be born, speaking lies. How many of you know little babies speak lies to you? Yeah, you just changed them, you just fed them and you put them down, and what do they do to you? They cry, they scream, they say something's wrong. Nothing's wrong with them. They're lying from the womb. That's what he's talking about. He says their poison is like the poison of a serpent. They are like the death adder that stoppeth her ear. So Paul is addressing Father specifically here because men, for centuries, we have neglected our responsibility to love and to lead the way that God has called us to. And if there's ever a time, listen, if there's ever a time for men and young men to step up and to love and to lead scripturally, it is right now. We need young fathers who will put themselves under the instruction of God's Word and put themselves in a local church where there is accountability and be the men that God has called them to be. And so this may be the most important sermon that we hear all year as dads. We will stand before God, dads, and we will give an account for our family, for our children, for what they heard, for what they saw, for what we taught them. It is our primary responsibility as parents to teach our children the Word of God. We are not to give that responsibility to a school, to a church, to a Sunday school teacher. Now, we can bring them to them to aid, but it is primarily our responsibility as fathers to teach our children. One of the greatest stewardships in life that we have is the stewardship of fatherhood. Our sons are likely to imitate what kind of man we are. Our daughters are likely to try to find someone to marry that is like us. It is just natural for them to do so. And so the responsibility and the weight is great. Two points this morning that I want to give you. Number one, there is a call to love selflessly. Notice what he says in the first part of this verse. Provoke not your children to wrath or to anger. This love, it involves discernment, it involves wisdom and encouragement and loving discipline. There's a parallel passage in Colossians 3, verse 21, where Paul writes, Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged. God gave Kim and I the opportunity right out of college to work at a boys' home and girls' home. And this was troubled teenage young people who had come out of difficult homes. And for years, we saw discouraged young people. Young people who had never been encouraged by their parents, never given any rewards or approval or honor or affection. And listen, dads, our children need our affection. Especially our daughters need our affection. And if you decide, well, I'm a man and that's just not who I am, and you decide to withhold affection from your children, especially your daughters, I can promise you that there will come someone along who will show her affection. And there is something inside of them that God has built to have that affection that they need from you and I. And then we look at how do we discipline and not cross a line to frustrate our children? How do we prevent provoking our children, making them angry and consequently creating bitterness and animosity and conflict and hostility in the home? And we've all seen that. Now that doesn't mean that our children are always going to comply and submit with a happy smile. All right? I can tell you this. Every time that I discipline Jackson, he doesn't come in and say, Dad, thank you so much. You are so right. I am so thankful that you are going to take me in there and apply the rod of correction to me. No, that's not it. But in the long run, They will come back and they will be thankful and they will know that we love them and that we care for them. In fact, Proverbs 3, 11-12 says, Notice the example he gives. For whom the Lord loveth, He what? Correcteth or chastens, even as a father, the Son in whom he delighteth. Proverbs 29, 15 says, The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame. Proverbs 29, verse 17 says, Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest. So we are not to forsake discipline. In fact, forsaking the correction and discipline in love is really abuse and neglect. God has called us to to discipline lovingly our children But it's important for us if we are going to discipline them lovingly that we are present in their life We provoke our children to wrath when we're not a consistent part of their life the truth is this that too many dads walk out when it gets tough and And the result of that is devastating to children. And listen, children of single moms can certainly defeat the odds, but the stats are the stats. And I'm thankful for single moms who are determined to keep their children in church and to put them around influences of other men. in their life, and I'm thankful, and moms, I commend you for that, and I encourage you to continue to do that. But according to the National Fatherhood Initiative, there is a father absence crisis in America. The U.S. Census Bureau tells us that 19.7 million children live without a father in the home. 19.7 million. And does the absence of a father really have that much impact? It says a child that grows up without a father is four times more likely to live in poverty, twice as likely to be involved in drugs and immorality. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. 90% of runaway or homeless children are from fatherless homes. 85% of children who have behavioral problems at school are in fatherless homes. 71% of students that don't finish high school come from fatherless homes. 85% of all youth in prison come from fatherless homes. 85%. The statistics are staggering. Our society is filled with latchkey kids. How many of you know what that is? That is, kids who are at home by themselves. They come home from school, they open the door, they're at home by themselves for hours without parents. A third of them, which is 5 to 7 million children between the ages of 5 and 13. And these are staggering statistics. In fact, out of the last 27 deadliest shootings, out of the last 27 of them, 26 of them come from fatherless homes. 26 of 27. The presence, and I say all that to tell you this, the presence, Dad, of you and I in the home is vital, vitally important to our children. We have to be part of their life. And you know, the world and our society, they recognize the abundance of anger in our world. They recognize it. And so here's what the world says. We have to do something to address it. And here is their solution, that we need to make them less angry by giving them more self-esteem. That's their solution to it. They tell them that what they need is more pride in themselves The teaching, this teaching reached its most popular expression in Whitney Houston's anthem, The Greatest Love of All. How many of you have heard that, remember that song? Listen to the words of it. It became a huge song in the 80s and 90s, especially in public schools. But it says this, everybody's searching for a hero, which is true. People need someone to look up to. True or false? True. I never found anyone who fulfilled my needs, so I learned to depend on who? Me. The greatest love of all is easy to achieve. And then it says this, learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all. That is the national anthem of self-esteem. But listen, it all sounds good, and it sounds like, yeah, that is what they need, but that is not what the Scripture tells us. You see, we have pride and arrogancy in ourself. And listen, our society and the scriptures rarely, if ever, match up. Our society says that children's bad behavior and their criminal activity is all because they don't know how wonderful they are. They said this, we can reduce crime. We can reduce unwanted pregnancies. We can reduce drugs. We can reduce school failure if we just get young people to think more highly of themselves. But we see many years later that that has not been successful. That has not happened. The Scriptural way to provoke not to anger is to show the love of Christ, to exercise loving discipline when our children need it, to be there when they need to talk to us dads, to have a listening ear, to learn of their struggles and their fears, and to guide them through this life with Scripture. with the Word of God. We have to be proactive in the lives of our children, and that is what Ephesians 6 is speaking of. Let me just mention another thing here that we see from Scripture, and that is that we can provoke our children to wrath or anger when we display favoritism. How many of your children have ever asked you, Dad, who is your favorite? I'll be out on a date with Jordan, our daughter, and that's a question she used to ask me. Dad, who is your favorite? And we have a joke in our house. If you ask anybody in our house who is dad's favorite, Jared, who are they going to say? Jordan all right. That's what they think and obviously she's the only girl so she has certainly a special place in dad's heart But the truth is this that I love all of them the same I would give my life for every single one of them I want them to all all of them to serve God with their whole life, but favoritism can be something that that certainly provokes children to anger. And we won't take the time today, but we see it all throughout Scripture. The greatest brotherly rivalry was Jacob and Esau, and they were at odds with each other. And the reason for that, the root was, it was because they had a mom and dad who showed favorites. And then Jacob carried that on to his own family. You remember Joseph, and he showed favoritism to Joseph, and it certainly caused problems. Hey, when your children come home for the day, and they've sold one of their siblings, you know you have a problem. That's exactly what happened with Joseph. And it all stemmed from a parent who showed favoritism. Jesse did not have any confidence that his youngest son David could be the king. He brought all of his other children in. He neglected David and he just didn't see that David, he didn't believe in David. But that was the one that God chose, and no doubt that affected David's life. David was the one who wrote in Psalm 2710, When my father and mother forsake me, then the Lord will take me up. Hey, dream for your children. Encourage your children. Be on their side. Strengthen them in the Word of God. Teach them the Word of God. And this is just my opinion here, but I'll say this. Guard against overprotecting your children. Let them grow up and be the people that God intends them to be. One of the great problems in Jacob's life was because his mom Leah wouldn't let him out of the kitchen. wouldn't let him grow up and be a man that God called him to be. And I've seen this time and time again. Hey, your children were created in the image of God. They're under the special care of God. You think, well, if I let them out and experience the world and make decisions on their own, guess what? One day they're going to. And it is better for me to take them along and to teach them than for one day them just to decide, I'm out of here, and them try to experience it on their own. I've seen overprotection bring many children to a place of anger in their life. We are to show them the knowledge of the Gospel, the knowledge of Jesus Christ, to show them what the power of the Holy Spirit can do in their life, but we are not to be their God. We are not to be their primary protection. We are to teach them to rely and to trust on God their Father, so that they see Him as their Heavenly Father, not just Mom and Dad's Heavenly Father. And then I'll say this, guard your words as parents. especially us as dads. Sometimes it's easier for us to just fly off and to say things. And we know this, we've seen it, that more children have grown up angry because of verbal abuse and constant slander and critical conversations. And James has so much to say about the power of the tongue. And I will say for all of us dads, remember the influence of a word, of a spoken word. Someone said this, if a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn. If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight. If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy. If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty. If a child lives with grace, he learns to be patient. If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be confident. If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate. If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice. If a child lives with security, he learns to trust. If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns how to find love and to show love. Our children are being taught every day by watching our lives as fathers and mothers. We see a call to love selflessly, but secondly and lastly, we see a call to lead scripturally. This is the positive aspect of the verse. The first part was a negative aspect where he says, provoke not your children to wrath, but then he says this, bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. The same Greek word that is used there for bring them up is the same word that is used in chapter 5 and verse 29, just a few verses before, where it says, for no man ever yet hateth his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it. The same word for nourish and cherish is the same word for bring them up. He's saying that we are to nourish and to cherish and to rear them tenderly. Proverbs 22 verse 6 says this, Train up, bring them up, a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, they will not depart from it. Children need a father's love. To train up a child in the way that they should go means to create in them a thirst for God. I want you to take your Bibles this morning and go to Deuteronomy chapter 6. And this is where we will close this morning in Deuteronomy chapter 6. And I want you to notice some ways that we can lead scripturally. We see again the responsibility to love and to lead our families is given to the parents and specifically the fathers. First of all, I want you to notice that we are to lead by recognizing God as supreme. He says in verses 1-4 of Deuteronomy 6, Now these are the commandments, the statutes, and the judgments which the Lord your God commanded to teach you, that ye might do them in the land whither ye go to possess it. that thou mightest fear the Lord thy God." I encourage you to mark that phrase. Fear the Lord thy God to keep all His statutes and His commandments which I command thee, thou and thy son and thy son's son, all the days of thy life. and that thy days may be prolonged. Hear therefore, O Israel, and observe to do it, that it may be well with thee, and that ye may increase mightily, as the Lord God of thy fathers hath promised thee, in the land that floweth with milk and honey." And then notice verse 4, "'Hear, O Israel,' say the last phrase with me, "'The Lord our God is one Lord.'" Say that again, "'The Lord our God is one Lord.'" He is the one and only Lord. He is supreme is what He's saying. He is primary. He is first. He is preeminent in our life. And dads, we lead first of all by setting a standard in our home that God is first. That God is supreme. That He is Lord of all. That He is before and above everything else. That means before sports is God. Even before our relationship with each other is our relationship with God, we teach them that God is supreme, God is first. Secondly, not only by recognizing that God is supreme, but we lead by loving God with all our heart and our soul and our mind and our strength. We see in verse five that he says, and thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart and with all thy soul and with all thy might. And if we ever want our children to love God, it is important that they see that we love God as mom and dad. And then we lead them, and these two kind of go hand in hand, but we lead by obeying God's Word. He says in verse 3, Hear therefore, O Israel, and observe to do it. Read it to do it. Not just to read it, but read it, observe to do it, that it may be well with thee. In other words, be doers of the Word and not hearers only. And then he also says that we are to lead by living out what we say. Goes right along with the other one. Verse 6 he says, And these words which I command thee this day, notice what he says, shall be in thine heart. Before you and I can ever teach them to our children, they must be in our heart. And fathers, listen, we are called as dads to be the spiritual leaders in our home. That responsibility has fallen on too many moms. The primary responsibility to lead spiritually is on us as dads. Thank you, brother. It rests on us as dads. Again, the stats say this, if mom and dad attend church faithfully, 72% of their children will do the same. If only dad attends church faithfully, 55% of their children will do the same. If only mom attends church faithfully, 15% of them will do the same. If neither attend church faithfully, only 6% of their children will attend church. The next time that Satan tells you that it's not very important for you to be plugged into a church, remind yourself of the impact that it will have on your children. Remind yourself that they are watching your life and you say well, there's just too much going on in our life I mentioned this on Wednesday night in our stewarding life study, but JC Penney who is a great businessman He said this if a man has so much business that he has limited time for God and family Then that man has more business than God intended him to have What a great statement If our life is too full of things and activities that we don't have time for God and for spiritual things, then we have more things going on than God intended for us to have. And then lastly, we lead by teaching and warning. Notice carefully verses 7 through 12. He says, And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thy house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the post of thy house and on thy gates. And it shall be when the Lord thy God shall have brought thee into the land which He sware unto thy fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give thee great and goodly cities which thou buildest not, and houses full of good things which thou fillest not, and wells digged. And he says in verse 12, notice, "...then beware lest thou forget the Lord which brought thee forth out of the land of Egypt from the house of bondage." He says our homes are to be places where our children hear about the Lord all the time. When we rise and when we go to sleep and when we're walking and when we're sitting and when we're eating, again, that He is supreme. He is Lord of our life. As Joshua said, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. He will be preeminent in our life, in our family. Borrowing from the example of our Lord, we want to bring our children up mentally. We want to bring them up physically and socially and spiritually. You remember what Luke says? It says about the Lord Jesus Christ that He increased, or He grew in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and favor with man. Four ways. He grew mentally, He grew in wisdom, He was trained, He grew physically, He grew spiritually in favor with God, and He grew socially in favor with man. And that ought to be our desires as parents, as fathers. So a family is to be under the leadership of a father who continually makes the dominating influence of that home the Word of God. Writing it on your hands means that you view all of your labor through a biblical perspective. Putting it on your head, as it were, means that you view life through the eyes of Scripture. Listen to what Proverbs 20, verse 7 says, The just man, or the righteous man, walketh in his integrity, and his children are blessed after him. His children are impacted by his commitment to Christ. One father summed it up this way, If I were starting my family again, I would love my wife more in front of my children. I would laugh with my children more at our mistakes and joys. I would listen more, even to the smallest child. I would be more honest about my own weaknesses, never pretending to be better. I would pray differently for my family. Rather than focusing on their greatest needs, I would focus on mine. I would do more things together with my children. I would do more encouraging. I would bestow more praise. I would pay more attention to the little things. deeds and words of kindness and thankfulness, but mostly said this, Father, I would love God more every day seeking to adore Him in front of my children." And that's where it really starts is that you and I as dads love the Lord our God with all our heart and with all our soul. and all of our mind. And of course we can't talk about fathers without speaking again of the only perfect father. All of us come up short, we sin each and every day, but there is a father who will never disappoint you. No matter where you have been in your life, He is the epitome of sacrifice. He is the epitome of selflessness. He loved us so much, the Bible says, that He gave His only begotten Son. And you and I as fathers, we can't even begin to fathom giving up one of our sons for other people, but that's what God the Father did for us. He loved you so much that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish but have everlasting life. And if you have never began a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I want to tell you that the greatest thing that you can ever do is to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and repent of your sin. For then you can call Him Heavenly Father, Abba, Daddy. He will be your Father. He will care for you. He will guide you. He will direct you through this life that is difficult. He will be your Father in everything that you and I need.