So now is our Q&A. And I have, I have 10 questions here and we'll start with them and, and then we'll, we'll open it up after that. So would you, Dr. and Janie Street, please come up here. And now we actually get to hear from Janie. So I'm, this would be great. We have the complete family of the streets here. We agreed that she'd do the hard questions and I'd do the easy ones. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, pick those out now. So. And I'm just going to read it and step aside and let them go with it. And we got some real good questions here. Some are very specific, which is also really good. And I'm just going to start down the list and go through them. And we'll go from there. So are you guys ready? Okay. Got it. Okay. First question. As a mom with young children, how do you prioritize time with the Lord when uninterrupted blocks of quiet are hard to accomplish? That's your question. That sounds like a mom question. That's a mom question. Okay. Well, if you're trying to get uninterrupted blocks of quiet, you're probably not going to be very successful. That's for sure. I mean, there are times when maybe your husband can give you a Saturday morning or something where you can go off. I know my my daughter's done that before she goes off to Starbucks. She's gone for an hour and a half. She has her Bible with her and she gets she's doesn't have any interruptions and she She has some time, that type of thing. But children, being the nature that they are, don't usually, you have a hard time just even shutting the bathroom door and having 45 seconds to yourself. You know how that is. I want to also just encourage you in this way. Your time with the Lord, like your time with your children, is a 24-7 thing. You are with the Lord and He is with you. And one of the things that I really encourage moms, especially when they're in this time when they have little kids at home, is instead of trying to constantly break new ground with reading the Bible through in a year and making sure they have a daily quiet time every day, instead of focusing so much on that, focusing on what they know, what they've heard on the Sunday sermons, and meditating on that throughout the day in the little snatches of time that you have. As Americans and American Christians, we're real good at setting goals for ourselves, especially those in terms of Bible reading and prayer and checking those off and seeking to accomplish that. But we're not often very good at slowing down the process and meditating on what we know and what we know about God. seeing how that impacts how we're reacting to our children or our husband or The washing machine that's broken or whatever during the daytime So and that's a meditative process that takes doesn't take new information But it takes what you already know your faith in Christ that you're already strong in and saying based upon what I already know about God, for instance, that I know that God is omniscient. He knows everything. So based on the fact that He knows my day, in fact He knows the end of my day and I'm just at the beginning of it, and He knows me intimately and He knows what I need, to sanctify me today, and he knows where my kid's heart's at, the omniscience of God, how is that, you know, that is what I truly believe, so I'm gonna meditate on the fact that he knows everything today. And you could think about, you know, Hebrews 13, five, where Jesus says, The writer is saying that Jesus will never leave us nor forsake us. His presence is always there, His omnipresence. You think about the character qualities and the promises of God throughout your day, and that keeps you with the Lord all day. It keeps you recognizing that he is with you and it keeps your focus on him even though you can't seem to in that day or in this season of life get very many blocks of time where you're actually not having interruptions. And then as your husband or other family members can give you a little time off from time to time, don't hesitate to ask for it. Because you know you'll be easier to live with after. After you get away a little bit, you'll be more rooted in the word. You'll have a fresh perspective on your kids and all that kind of thing. I think guys need to give the ladies a break on these things. And it's always amazing to me how many guys don't want to deal with the children. They don't want the hassle of dealing with the children. And that's sad. Imagine if your Heavenly Father treated you the same way. I don't want to deal with you. All right. No, no, no. As a godly father, you represent the Lord in their lives. You need to be involved with those kids. Give your wife a break. I used to love taking the kids off so that she could get shopping done or whatever she needed to get done. And they always knew when they went with me, they got ice cream anyhow. So, um, so that they didn't mind that at all. But you guys need to, you need to give your wives a break. You know, from those kids. I mean, if you had to spend your entire week with these little rugrats, alright, you would be going crazy. And it's amazing that your wife is sane. It's just amazing that she is sane. There's a little cartoon, I saw it on Facebook. It was a mother who said, my young daughter came to me and asked me, Mom, what's it like being a mother? And so I interrupted her 12 times a minute until she went crazy or something like that. And that's what it's like being a mother. And so that's what your wife is going through. She's constantly being interrupted mom. What about this? What about this? What about this? I want to do this I want to you know, that's just going on all the time and She needs a break away from that interaction with adults where she can go off to a woman's program at church Be revitalized while you watch the kids. That's a good thing I And I know that her primary responsibility is gonna be those children, and most Christian women who love their kids want that to be the case, but she needs a break away from it, just like you need a break away from your job. Two, if you had to stay there at your job all the time, and she has to live in her job, okay? If you had to do that all the time, you'd go crazy, even at your job, so. Thank you. Well, second question. What are some practical ways to avoid running on empty, especially as we train and disciple our children? That sounds like a wifey answer. As I looked at this question, I looked at the two words as we train and disciple our children. So you need to sit down and whoever wrote this question and write the word train on one side of the paper and disciple on the other side of the paper and say specifically what you mean by that. What are you trying to train in them? Are you trying to train them in making their beds and doing their daily chores? Are you trying to train them in attitudes? Get specific about that. What are you trying to disciple them in? Are you sure that they're believers to begin with? They're little children. It's hard to know that for sure. If they're older, you might be able to tell that. But find out specifically. Just get more specific. What are you trying to train and disciple? That'll help you to answer the questions, how to avoid running on empty. Because then you'll begin to think, well, what resources are available for me to train a disciple. One great resource in the body of Christ is older parents who have already raised their kids. How did you train? I'm seeking to train my child not to lie to me. How did you deal with that? Ask other people. This is the older woman, younger woman type of thing going on within the local church. There's plenty of really good solid books out like the one out in the foyer, The Faithful Parent, that has a lot of good ideas on that too. But you're not gonna be able to answer that question until you get specific about what are you training for, what are you discipling, And then try to go after that, asking your pastor for some good resources that can help you in those specific areas. So use your pastor or staff to help you with that too. And I would say too, your expectations sort of set you up for this. Because I think that, my wife does a little seminar, it's called Wise Living in a Pinterest World. And is that the title of it? Oh, sort of. Something like that. Nowadays, you're probably all familiar with Pinterest. The standard it sets for women, I have to do this perfect, and this perfect, and this perfect, and this perfect. I have to do all these things perfect, because that's what the mother on Pinterest does. That's totally unrealistic. It's just unrealistic. So you gotta think through your priorities really well. Set your priorities. What are really realistic, godly priorities for me? And then live by those priorities. If it doesn't meet the Pinterest model, then so what? All right? You're serving your husband. That's a high priority. Your children. And by the way, your husband always comes before your children. Always. You're serving your husband first, your children second, and then whatever other duties and responsibilities that you have. That's really key. For some time there has been a popular idea called giving grace to your children. Some seem to abuse this by allowing their children to remain in disobedience. What does it mean to give grace to your children and how might we do this practically? I think probably I need to jump in there on this one. I think I understand the question that's coming in. I think some of this has come out as a result of some books that were recently written for women primarily on the issue of grace-driven or grace-motivated child-rearing. That some of those books are some of the worst books on childbearing I've ever read because it basically takes one aspect of theology and and Over expands it beyond what the Bible teaches and that aspect has to do really with grace Now certainly we need to be gracious with one another we need to be gracious with our children but this becomes a sort of a hyper grace thing and this Grace or giving grace to your kids as it's described Oftentimes is really just giving them license to do whatever they want All right, and you you can't do that Children thrive on parameters. You have to set parameters for them And you set those parameters. Yeah, sometimes kids will break those parameters, but nevertheless they are set. Imagine, just for a moment, by way of illustration, trying to play a game of tennis and nobody told you where the boundary lines were. how frustrating that would be, then the boundary lines are subjective. So your opponent is saying, you missed that. And you say, no, I didn't miss it. Where's the boundary lines? And they said, well, I know where the boundary lines are and you don't. Well, that giving grace to your kids are like trying to do child rearing without boundary lines. And that is going to lead to a frustrated child. Ultimately get that kids are going to say wait a minute. This is wrong there and this is wrong here and and and and and this is not wrong And when do I do this? And when do I not do that? And that doesn't build godly discernment in a child What did God do with his children when he wanted in the mature? I mean when he brought the children of Israel out of Egypt, he didn't say okay now what I'm gonna do is grant you all grace you guys can do whatever you want and He didn't say that. In fact, he was very specific about what they should wear. No mixed clothing with different fibers in it. And all of you by the way are violating that today All right, not none of that that no eating certain foods or certain foods together All the you say why did God go to all those details about that? Because it's very clear if you understand the thrust of the book the idea is to teach holiness through developing a a a disciplined mind of discernment to separate that we are different from everybody else in the world in what we wear, in what we eat, in the way that we act. We are different. That's what makes us more holy. When the children of Israel were generally children in their spiritual state, he didn't withdraw expectations from them. He made his expectations very, very clear in their time of immaturity. When your children are young, you need to do the opposite than what sometimes this giving grace says. You need to make your expectations very clear to your kids. And when they're not, it really frustrates them. It really does. So you have to be very, very cautious about this. On the one hand, I understand, there are areas where you may choose to not be as hard on a child, given certain circumstances, and allow them a little bit more grace and how they, I understand that. And I'm not arguing against that at all. It's almost as if, however, there's a movement out there in Christianity that says anytime you expect your child to live by a household rule or even a rule of God, you're being legalistic. That is not true. That is not a biblical understanding of legalism. Never was. There is a sense in which actually the law grants grace. It grants better living. So I think it's important for us to understand that. Now, there is so much more I could wax on and on about that particular issue, but that's such a key thing, and I'm really happy. Whoever asked that, more kudos to you. In fact, I've done so many parenting seminars, I can't remember that question ever coming up, and it's a very valid one. Paul exhorts fathers in Colossians 3 21 to not provoke their children to anger How might fathers do this knowingly or unknowingly and how can we avoid this? Yeah, I sort of answered that last night because It's very similar very similar statement there is made in Ephesians 6 4 and when on the one hand you are a heavy-handed dictatorial type of a father and your household is run on a harsh, demanding, legalistic set of rules of do's and don'ts and you function like the like the cop in the home who's looking for all the infractions of the rules, that will lead a child to an exasperated, angry lifestyle. On the other hand, you can swing the other direction and have no rules, be a totally permissive household, and have very little expectations or no expectations, and that will just as much lead to an exasperated child as well. Or some fathers are given to provoking children, sometimes in what they say or in what they do. They poke their kid, I mean physically poke them. Irritate their child or are constantly highlighting all the failures of the child All of those things are implied in Ephesians 6 4 and Colossians 3 21 All those things are implied anything that contributes to an angry resentful bitter lifestyle in that child anything contributes to that and there could be a thousand things and that are there would fall into that category. And as fathers, we need to nurture the kid, help them along. Yes, bring consequences if that's needed into a child's life. And sometimes a father, you have to do that. In fact, grab your Bible just for a moment. Let's go over to 1 Kings 1. I was gonna highlight this the other night and it went by me so quick, I forgot about it. First Kings chapter 1, just for a moment. We'll take a look at one of the failures of King David in terms of his own parenting. Verse 5, 1 Kings 1 verse 5. Now Adonijah, who's the son of David, and his mother was named Haggath. That's quite a name, isn't it? Haggath? Son of Hagath exalted himself, verse five says, saying, I will be king. And he prepared for himself chariots and horsemen and 50 men to run before him. His father, that is David, says, had never at any time displeased him. Really, that's a very polite English translation. The Hebrew word there, his father had never pained him. That's literally what the Hebrews says. His father had never pained him. Sometimes as fathers, and there's a limit to this, obviously, you need, if you're gonna be a good father, to bring pain into your child's life. I know mom may object, oh, I don't wanna see that type of thing, but you need to do that, all right? God never, I mean, David never did this in Adonijah's life. And as a result of that, Adonijah grew up to be a young man who was, he thought he was pretty hot stuff. In fact, he thought he was so hot that he could take over his dad's kingship and rule the kingdom. He thought he knew better. as a young man, and that grieved David. It grieved David, but David had never pained him. Sometimes you have to do that. Now, there's a difference between bringing pain in that child's life and real godly discipline and provoking that child and prodding that child to become angry and hateful. Even a child that goes through discipline and involves sometimes a spanking or pain, Even a child that knows the difference between a father who's doing that in love and a father who's just doing it out of anger or hate in his own life. And we have got to guard our hearts against any kind of reprisal on our children that would reflect any kind of anger or hatred in terms of our corporal discipline of them. We have to guard ourselves against that. That's going to provoke a child to an angry lifestyle. So there's a good biblical balance in there that has to be maintained. On the one hand, we've got to bring pain into our children's lives, but not unnecessary pain. On the other hand, we can be loving and gracious and give them verbal input, which they need. And by the way, sometimes our wives are better at that verbally than we are, but we've got to develop that in our lives. So we've gotta give those kids verbal input that addresses their heart, helps them to see what the inclinations of their heart is in order to bring that good biblical balance there as a father. One of the other things that I think is really important here is that when I came home from work during the day, I never wanted to be the type of a guy who my wife and kids dreaded seeing me come through the door. Maybe it's over the last 30 years, I've counseled so many couples and so many parents who their wives and kids dread having dad come home. Look out, because he walks in the door a grouch. I mean, he bites everybody's heads off. He brings all of his problems from work home. I never did that. When I got near my house, I'd leave my problems a block away. All right, I dump them right there on the sidewalk and then drive the rest of the way home and then pick them up next day, go back to work. I didn't wanna come. I wanted them to look forward to me coming home, all right? Some kids look at their watch and say, dad's gonna be home in 15 minutes and they run for the hills. They hide underneath the bed, all right? Other kids say, dad's gonna be home in 15 minutes, best time of the day. This is great. Dad's gonna be home. It's great. I always wanted my kids to be that. Dad's gonna be home. Not bringing home all my problems and dumping them on my wife and kids. Don't do that. Never do that. And I was a pastor. I had a lot of problems. I carried all the people's problems in the church with me. All right. So, but I didn't want to dump it on her or our kids. When I got home, I wanted them to look forward to me coming home, not dread it. And that's another way that you provoke your children in anger. I mean, every time I round dad, he's just ready to bite your head off. Then kids learn. That's just the way it is. That's just the way it is. Moving on here, we have The next question is, our nine-year-old son does not deal with stress well. He seems to be fearful of certain situations and he gets frustrated easily. This morning he couldn't find a book and instead of asking for help, he scattered his schoolwork everywhere. He ended up in angry tears. The worst part was that the book was in plain sight the entire time. He was blinded by his own sin of impatience. Do you have some practical advice that we can apply? I think that this is usually a homeschool mom type of question. The kids are at home and they're like, yeah. And so the mom is usually dealing with this one. But I think that this question is almost like a scenario as an outgrowth of the previous question. How do you not provoke your children to anger? The child, of course, is naturally sinful, okay? So some children are more given to anger than others, but there's usually something that's provoking the child. It may or may not be the parent, but you've got to find out what is provoking the child. You say, doesn't that handle stress well? Maybe, you know, seems to be fearful, gets frustrated easily. Another word for frustration, the real word for frustration, biblically, is anger. Okay? Frustration is like a low-level anger. But it's still, it's still, I'm, I don't like the way things are going. I'm frustrated here. I'm angry with this. I want this to change type of thing. You've got to know your kid and find out by observation, not necessarily by asking a nine-year-old questions, because they can't always answer those questions, but by observing the kid. Take some of that time when your husband gives you some time by yourself, or take a date night where the two of you together can go away and sit down and write down, what have the last two weeks been like with this nine-year-old? Because it's probably not just been this one thing. where the books are thrown all over the place because he can't find one book. There's probably other incidences. It's not just out of the blue. And just start writing down and remembering, and then trying to ask yourself, what are the triggers? What's triggering him? Is it because he doesn't get his own way? Is it because Like Adonijah in first Kings chapter 1 he wanted to be king does this little nine-year want to be the king of his own little Environment and when anybody gets in his way, then they're going to hear about it Okay, because he's not allowed to rule his own little desk space or he's not allowed to rule his own room because he has to share it with his brother there's something going on there and something that is is Provoking him to anger whether it's his own spirit and his unregenerate heart or whether it's you know, just the chaos of life. Some kids don't deal with that very well and you have to help them learn how to deal with that. Or whether it's, it is dad being gone all day and then dad's on a business trip and he's away and he's, you know, kids act out because of that too sometimes. But figure out between the, you know, the mom and dad, what you believe is causing these triggers and then you can start to work with it. But just in isolated incidents, there's not any prescription on necessarily how to do this without doing that careful thought, that careful observation. Know your children. So if you have four kids and you know one of them seems to be outwardly compliant all the time, and doesn't seem to give you a whole lot of trouble, you probably have a people pleaser on your hand. Someone who fears man more than they fear God because they're not always honest. You know there's more in their heart than they ever really let out. If you have a child who, every time they open their mouth, you know exactly what they think, whether it's good or bad, and they don't have a lot of fear of man. You know you have a child that needs to learn gracious speech and needs to learn self-control. You're learning your kid. So learn this nine-year-old kid and the other children in the family. And the Lord will help you to figure out then, once you know them, what those triggers are and how to train them and how to help them to see their own heart and hopefully eventually lead them to repentance and faith in Christ. Remember, you discipline a child not only for actions but for attitudes. Alright, and here's a kid who tries to feign like he has no control over his emotions. And he loses Grip on reality when things don't go his way That is a very self-centered view of life and that kid has got to see how self-centered that is Listen I got news for you son. There's gonna be a lot of stuff in your life doesn't go your way It's gonna be a lot of stuff. You might as well get used to this. So the question is not so much whether or not it works out your way. The question here is how you're going to deal with it when it doesn't work out your way. That's that's the key and Proverbs is full of examples of that on how don't associate with an angry man This is a man who loses control that we need to be Slow to become angry James one says I Very very slow. Why does it emphasize that because people who are like that who control their passions? Show a monikin of self-control and that kid is acting like he has no self-control But he actually has more than he's willing to give himself credit for and you need to let him know that you expect him to exercise The he has to know that when I was a kid I grade school I had everything you take a look at the 18 different categories of ADHD I had every one of them there's no joke I did if I if they would have had Ritalin back in days that I was in grade school I would have been on it I'm absolutely sure But I had a sixth grade teacher. His name was Mr. Lyons. He was an old ex-marine guy. He had arms like Popeye. And he didn't put up with any goofiness in the class. Mr. Lyons was exactly what I needed in sixth grade. He had hanging right next to his desk, public school system, six paddles hanging right on the wall. All right, and they were graduated from least offense to greatest offense. And the greatest one was a painted black thick thing with holes drilled in it called black magic. And the only time black magic was used was severe offenses, the most severe offenses. And when he'd paddle you, he'd have you lean over. He wouldn't just hit you straight on. He would reach down with his big Popeye arms and kind of come up from below. And it felt like you were being lifted into outer space. All right? And And that was a significant turning point in my life because I realized if I didn't obey in class, I was going to have consequences and they were going to be pretty severe. And so that's where I learned to sit there and listen, even though Everything in me wanted to go like this. I'll tell you, I was so bad. I had invented, some of you know those little teeny crystal radios that run on static electricity? We had metal desks and I would have a crystal radio in my pocket and I would hook it to my metal desk to keep it running. and the antenna, you could get the station in, and I ran the thing, the earbud, right up my shirt as a kid and had a little fastener with a rubber band hooked to it on one end and the other end, the earbud, and it would be right inside my shirt and I'd stretch the rubber band up and put it in my ear and sit there in class and listen to baseball games. And when the teacher would come around, I'd just let go and it would snap down my shirt. And I never got caught with it. All right. And that's how bad it was. That's exactly how bad it was. But I knew in Mr. Lion's class, if I got caught with that, I was going to die. All right. And so I didn't mess with that in Mr. Lyon's class. I didn't mess with that. In today's classroom, you get coddled, you try to get positive reinforcement. I could so use that system today as a kid, and kids do. They use that kind of system for their own benefit. But you've got to help that kid know, that son know that he has more self-control and he can learn self-control when he feels like becoming angry. And if he's patient and focused, he'll find that thing that's sitting right in front of him. He'll find it. But if he lets his passions rule him, rule the day, then he's going to grow up an uncontrolled, selfish, taking it out on other people, blaming other... No, no, no. You can't let him do that. You've got to bring the parameters and the restrictions down on him. Don't give him drugs. Yeah, no drugs. Don't give him drugs. Yeah. How are we to address issues of daring behavior that are not necessarily sinful? And they give examples. Jumping from tree to trampoline. These are good. Throwing objects. Sounds like fun, actually. Throwing objects, yeah. Good thing kids aren't here, give them ideas. Throwing objects onto the roof, constant puddle jumping, and the cutting of baby doll hair. As long as it's not sibling hair. You wanna start? Well, is that? Yeah, don't cut it in the sibling end. Include that too. Oh, boy. Some kids are a lot more given to this than others. I was the kind who was very happy to read books, and he was the one that was probably doing all these things. So we know that some kids are going to be more given to this kind of thing than other things are. But I think that one of the things that we're taught in scripture is that and you hear this probably a lot, is that choices and actions have consequences. And there are some unknown consequences that can happen in terms of, you know, hurting yourself or whatever, that kind of thing. But I think also that, I'm going to kind of go back to where I was at with a nine-year-old kid, trying to understand what is this kid looking for? Is he looking for attention? Does the thrill, is he so passionate about the thrill of the moment, the jumping from the tree to the trampoline, that he lives for that? I mean, we know some young people that so live for a thrill that they skydive all the time. Every free chance and every spare dollar they have, they skydive. And we're talking about, they've got five, six, seven, eight hundred skydives under their belt. And they're in that environment and we talk with them about it and we read some of their little things that they post on Facebook about it and it's the thrill. It's that rush. It's the same rush with drugs. It's the same rush with drinking. It's the same rush with this extreme skateboarding and stuff that kids do. What is driving your kid to do these things? And some of it's just as simple as wanting attention, which is a very self-centered focus. But I think you need to know your kids for sure. And I'll let you answer the rest of the question then. No, I think that was good. A child that's doing that kind of thing, a kid, we talked about this earlier in the conference, children think that they're invincible. And they'll do really risky things. And they'll end up paying a whole lifetime for those risky things. And it's not as if you're trying to pull all the fun out of their life, but there are ways in which they can have fun and still do some exciting things, but under the right environment with the right set conditions. But when you got a kid that's doing that, it's usually a kid who really believes that they're invincible. and you need to give them input. This is where the verbal input comes in on what could happen if they jumped and they missed a trampoline. I had a good friend in seminary with me who had a trampoline in his backyard and he flew off the end of it and landed on his neck and broke the back of his neck. and it's caused him to be paralyzed all of his life. Here he's just having a little bit of fun and just hit the right angle, the right thing. These are some of the things that can happen. Taking kids like that around, even actually to hospitals and places where people are paraplegics, quadriplegics. Helping them think again. Remember I talked about kids don't think in terms of consequences. They just don't think about that part of that is education of that kid helping them to understand it You know, I read some articles about a guy who raised he and his wife were not geniuses by any stretch of imagination but They raised four kids and all four of those kids tested out to be geniuses and the question came to him How in the world did you raise four kids that were genius? I? He said we took the natural curiosity that child and we took it to its ends in other words that kid says where does water go daddy when it goes down the the drain, he said, and then I'd get underneath the sink where the water goes, and I'd show him where the pipe was, then I'd take him down to the basement where the pipe goes out in the basement, and then I'd take him out to the curb, and I'd show him where the pipe goes into the curb, and then we'd get in the car, and then we'd go down and show him where the pipes go down to the sewer system, we'd go into the septic area, and I'd teach him about the septic area. That's the way I wore geniuses. Where does electricity come from? Well, let me take you, and we get in the car and we go to the electric plant, and this is where they, and this is where it's transferred and all the different spots, and he and his wife are just constantly doing that with their kids, and he raised geniuses, all right? You say, well, that takes an awful lot of time to do that kind of thing. Yeah, it does, but it's surprising. It also turns into adventures. And it's stuff that kids remember the rest of their lives. I took our twin boys down to the red light district of town. I said, you see those ladies down there? You know what they're looking for? This is what Proverbs does. They're looking for money. That's what they're looking for. Type of thing we took our girls when we had problems with them wearing short dresses or low-cut dresses When they were young teenagers, we took them to the mall and set them down the middle of all and I said I want you to study the eyes of men All right, I want you to study the eyes of men and tell me what are they looking at I When a pretty girl walks by and she's got a short dress or got a little cut dress, what are they looking at? Oh, they think she's really pretty. Oh no, they think much more than that. They don't think in those terms. They don't think in those terms. And they're surprised. Really? Really? We didn't have nearly the trouble with our girls once they learned that lesson in terms of dress. But this is what life is about. So a kid that's jumping risky things, again, here's another kid who believes that what their body tells them to do or the first thing that comes to their mind, that's what they've got to do. No, it's not true. And they need to be taught that. That needs to be explained. Just because you think you can throw that over on the roof and you think it's really cute. That's not what you do. You know how hard it is for dad to get up there on the roof and to get that toy down or get whatever it is down. You know how difficult that is? That's really hard. And right now you don't care about that. I understand that. But that's not loving of other people when you do that. And the Bible has words about people who are not loving to other people. You're not loving your father. You're not loving other people when you do those kind of things that create more work for them. So this is that verbal instruction that we talked about earlier. Here's a very specific question. How much time should I allow my children to watch TV each day? Well, I think the first answer to that is I'm not concerned about time as much as I am what. They're watching. I don't necessarily believe that everything on television is necessarily bad. Television can be a very profitable educational tool if it's controlled right by the parents. There's a lot of good programming on that. By good, I mean educational programming for kids. Now, you've got to understand that it's produced by ungodly people that are in the world, and even when they have educational value, sometimes the emphasis is not going to be a truly biblical emphasis, but they're at least learning about the world. That's not a bad thing. If you find yourself as a parent using the television as your constant babysitter to give you a break, now we've got a problem, because this is really about you. This is not about the kids so much. and you're just using it. Can the television for a short amount of time be used as a babysitter? Yes, that's not wrong. I don't want to give you any of that impression at all. But I'm more concerned about what's being watched and whether or not you have an opportunity to interact with those kids when they see stuff that's on the television. Our daughter and son-in-law do a really good job of that with their kids, even with some of the cartoon stuff that they do that's innocent for little kids. There's nothing gross or difficult about it, but sometimes the little characters on those have really bad attitudes, all right? They really do. They have really bad attitudes, and they talk about, what about that little character there? Does that character have a good attitude? No. No character doesn't have a good attitude. Did that character deal with things the way the Bible tells that we should do it? No, that character didn't do it. So you're constantly interacting. In that sense, you're developing that kid's discernment by watching those particular programs. So that could be good. Now, obviously, if they're watching really ungodly stuff or filthy stuff, then obviously all of that is out. None of that should be watched by either you as an adult or by the kids. That's a whole different issue. We're assuming that they're watching good content. So how much of that good content do you allow during the day? Well, you may have to limit it. You can watch this show and this show and that's it, but it's not a right, you gotta make it clear, for you to watch that. It's a privilege. And you could lose the privilege, depending on what you do. If you don't make your bed that day, if you don't, You know, whatever you expect them to do, you're developing those godly habits in their life. I always wanted our kids to grow up, and we've done this our whole married life, to see that our bed was nicely made every day. They walk by our room, they see it. So that's what their bed needs to be. Until all of our kids, by the time they got to be adults, they made their beds every day. They just said, that's what people do. They make their beds. They need to do that. They have certain responsibilities that they have to do. I think it's important to, one of the things that John has taught about this weekend is to teach your kids to think. And I grew up in a home where I was told what to think and I wasn't allowed TV. And I didn't know how to discern whether something was right or wrong on TV. I didn't know how to discern where the characters were going, where a plot was going. I didn't know how to read a book. If it had bad language in it, it was bad and I wouldn't read it, but I didn't know how to discern good and evil. And you have the opportunity, and I'm not pushing TV, believe me, I'm not that big of a TV watcher, but you have the opportunity to bring the world into your home in an uncontrolled environment. If you send your kids to school, and some people need to do that, and they send their kids to the public school, you're not in a controlled environment. And not only that, but it's a very anti-parent environment. The teacher is going to teach what they're going to want to hear, and they don't care what you think anymore. In those ways, you don't have any control. But when you sit down and watch a program that's not sexually explicit, and it's not have overt violence in it, but it has a plot to it, that you can teach your kids to think about, now what's going on in the heart of the person that's really doing this? And why is it that the main character that's doing evil all the time kind of ends up looking like the hero? Is that really according to biblical, to God's view of life? You can help them to think through a Christian worldview in a controlled environment, watching a movie like that together as a family. And it's not like everything has to be a teaching environment, it can't be fun. But, very definitely, you have the opportunity to teach your kids to think. I wish I had known how to think. Even when I got into college, I took a philosophy class at a Christian college, and I couldn't even think philosophically at all. I barely passed the class, but I had no clue what existentialism was. I had no clue how that was affecting how I thought as a person. I couldn't think. And it took me a long time as an adult to learn how to think. But it's scary for some parents because they want their kids to not have that freedom to go off and think about something that's not biblical. That's scary. But if you don't teach your kids to think, when they do get out into the world, they're not going to know how to handle it. And that's what we're trying to prepare them for. So in a controlled environment, in your home, don't be afraid. to sometimes use TV programs or movies to get them to think about what the world is presenting compared to what God says is the truth. Because truth should always prevail. I'm gonna read one more question and then maybe we'll give just a couple, a few minutes for if some of you guys have some questions. Words like weariness, overwhelmed, and discouraged seem to be used to describe motherhood a lot these days. Why do you think this is such a strong and common sentiment? What can we do to prevent or fight against it? And how can we replace feelings of weariness or discouragement with joy? That's your question. OK. I'm ready for this one. First of all, I'm just going to go to that very last question. How can we replace feelings of weariness or discouragement with joy? And very honestly, you can't really change your feelings, OK? Our feelings come upon us, but you can change how you think about what you're doing and what's happening to you, and that changes your feelings. So instead of making the goal, change my feeling, You need to say, I need to be a Philippians 4-8 person that says, I need to think the right things. I need to think on what is true. So make sure you bring your thoughts captive and not just try to get the feeling of joy back. Because once your thinking is right and once your thoughts are rooted in truth, you're going to have, you're going to find that that joy is gradually going to be able to come back. I would say the second thing is, that John has already mentioned is that of expectations. A lot of the weariness and overwhelm and discouragement has to do with my own expectations that I set upon myself as a mom. Because I think that I have to I have to have this kind of special birthday party, and it's got to have this many elements to it, and I let my kid decide every year what theme it's going to be. And if you do that, believe me, I'm not criticizing for you that. I'm just giving it as an example of something that can run your life and can bring you to a level of weariness that you never even dreamed possible before. But it's more than that. It's how the house is kept. It's how many sports the kids are in. It's how many private music lessons they go to. It's making sure they don't miss out on anything in life that's going to make them into this Pinterest perfect kid, this individual that's so well-rounded, how could they ever fail in life? And you begin to take upon yourself as a mom this thing that I have to make sure that my kid succeeds. I mean, isn't that what a mom is? To make sure that my kid succeeds? Absolutely not, because there's no way that a sinful, human mom can really make their kid succeed. I mean, you're going to need God for that to happen. We needed God for us to get to where we're at, and your kid needs the Lord too. So providing all of these things and having all these expectations that this is going to make your kid not fail is really trusting in the wrong thing. Trusting in the wrong thing. The school that I choose, you know. This school has AP classes and that's going to make my kid succeed. Or homeschool is going to be it. Or this particular Christian school. If I vaccinate or I don't vaccinate, I mean there's so many things that these poor moms, I kind of feel bad for them. Because there's a lot of pressure on young moms today that there wasn't when I was raising kids. get into that mom trap and think all of that kind of thing, you're going to be weary. You're going to be overwhelmed. You're going to be discouraged. So maybe put the skids on and get a realistic look at your expectations. Sit down and talk with your husband and say, I got to get realistic about this. I'm expecting way too much of myself. And I'm really expecting that all these things I'm doing is going to produce 1 plus 1 equals 2. So I do this and this and I'm gonna get this kind of kid. When God is the one, you need the grace of God to be at work in your kid's life to bring them to that point. And the other thing I would say is this, and I'll try to make this as brief as possible, but But the culture we live in today where the father has gone out of the home during the day because he's at work all day and leaves the mom with the kids all the time and you're with kids 24-7 and sometimes when your husband has to work late or he travels or he's being a good church member and he's mowing the lawn over here or he's cleaning the church or he's preparing for a Sunday school lesson and you just don't have anybody to talk to, an adult. That is a very normal frustration as a mom. It didn't used to be that way. Before the Industrial Revolution, the men worked out of their home. If they were a lawyer, their front room was the place where they received clients and maybe they had a private consultation room and the wife would open the door and make sure that the person signed in and she had contact with people. Before she had a wash machine, she took her wash down to the community wash house and did laundry together with the other people. But taking the husband out of the home, giving the wife everything she needs within her home, and closing the doors and no one comes, it's just her and the kids, has isolated her. And so there's a good reason sometimes why you're exhausted and why you're very, I don't know, maybe lonely for fellowship, you know, for adult interaction. That's kind of a common thing. It's something that you can say, well, that's just really Not that unusual that that kind of thing is going on. I do long for adult interaction in some way to be stimulated by that conversation. Your husband can help you with that. Your friends can help you with that. The ungodly woman says, you know, let the public schools raise my kid. I'm going to go out and I'm going to make something. I'm going to get the interaction I need. It doesn't matter how it affects my family. or they won't have a family, or whatever. It's all about me. Well, we know that as believers. It's not all about us. And so as believers, we say, okay, I do feel isolated, especially when the kids are little, and I've got three kids under the age of five. You're gonna feel isolated. Talk with your husband, talk with your friends, or maybe some extended family members, and ask for breaks now and then. then learn that you know that God's gonna get give you the grace to get through it and that type of thing but really watch Being realistic not having too high expectations and Recognize that the truth is what you're going to be using to not change your, or not trying to change your feelings, but you're going to be rooted in the truth, which will help you to bring that joy back. I tried to put a lot of that into a short amount of time. Sorry, but, but I hope that that's encouraging to you. Yeah. Well, we're at the time, I think the children are going to come, but let's just take a couple of questions. We'll go over a few minutes. But if Diane, You are beyond Well, you usually look for that which is the most important to them. So if it's the time on Facebook with their friends, or whether it is listening to their music with their headphones on, or whatever they seem to value the most that you know, if you said you can't do that for a certain length of time, that that would really mean something to them, then you usually go with whatever really seems to be the most important. And that's a consequence. That's, as he said, It's a privilege, not a right, to watch a TV program. It's a privilege, not a right, to be able to drive over to your friend's house and to have a sleepover or whatever. So look for that. And knowing your kid, you'll know what to do. Is there any place in the Raising a Kid Expect your kids to just obey just because you said so. Yeah. Yeah. Is it right to, is it okay for parents to expect your children to obey just because you say so? Yeah, there is. That is very definitely a right. It's just that as parents, we can't depend upon that. all the time because you're not really developing the child. If the child learns to respect your authority, the way that they're gonna respond to you is gonna be the way they respond to God. They don't necessarily have to fully and completely understand why you expect them to do it. They need to obey, all right? That's all right, it's okay to do. However, as a father, I'm gonna make mental note of that. and say, my child obviously doesn't understand this, so I'm going to circle back at some particular time and sit down and try to explain this to them so that they do understand it. So they understand what's going on. That's the way you verbally provide that input. where they have a growing understanding of what is right and wrong, and it becomes theirs. They own that truth themselves. It's not just because dad is telling them to do it. If all you do is just tell them to do it, and you don't give them the rationale behind it, you never do, then they're never going to own that truth. They're never going to own it. They've got to own it themselves. That's really critical, especially when it comes to their understanding of salvation, the gospel. Sometimes with kids, you have to explain it, re-explain it, approach it from a different direction, explain it again. And that's over a period of not just weeks and months, but years. until the idea of it sinks deep into their consciousness. And even then, this is the reason why a lot of churches don't baptize children, or they shouldn't, because you never know, see genuine fruits of salvation in a child until that child gets much older. And then you can start to see the fruits of salvation in them, and then they get to a point where they're at least adult in their understanding, and now they are evidencing true commitment to Christ, then you follow through. But over those years, up to that particular time, you have to provide that kind of input. But yes, is there ever a time that a child may not understand why you're expecting them to do something, that they need to obey it? Absolutely, absolutely. Like three-year-old that wants to run out in the street. You're not going to stand out there in the street and explain. Now, if you stand here very long, you're going to get hit by a truck, you know, and terrible things are going to happen. No, no, they need to obey right now. All right. Later on, as they grow in their understanding, then you describe to them, there's a reason why dad put a limit on you. You don't go past this line. And that helps them develop their discernment. Oh, the children are ready. They're lined up out there, ready to come in. So I guess that will wrap it up here. Why don't we just thank the Streets for their time with us? Well, it's been a real treat. I felt like we need a part two. There's so much more that we could go to. So thank you. Go ahead and come on in, children. They are ready, all in order.