over to Colossians chapter 3. This will be the fourth message in this section of Colossians. We've been looking at Colossians 3.18 through 4.1 for several weeks. This particular passage we're looking at this morning deals with family relationships, and it arises as a direct application of all that Paul had said in the previous 17 verses. Let me read with you Colossians 3.18 through 22, the specific area we're looking at this morning, and review Paul's commands to the immediate family. Paul says, "'Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, do not exasperate your children, that they may not lose heart.'" Now, your ability to carry out these commands To fulfill your role within the family is directly related to your walking with the Lord, or as Paul had mentioned in verse 1 of chapter 3, being raised up with Christ, walking with Him in that manner. Now, I do believe it's possible for a non-Christian wife to willingly submit to her husband and respect him, but I think it's very difficult. I think it is possible for a non-Christian husband to love his wife sacrificially. I don't believe he can do that in the same way that Christ loved the church. There are plenty of men who have laid down their lives for the sake of their family and for their wife, but it doesn't approach Jesus' love. Because remember, He loved us while we were enemies, sinners, an entity against Him. We find it's required that children obey their parents, but for all of them, the wife, the husband, the children, that's a whole lot easier if the Holy Spirit is in them, if they are already saved individuals believing in the Lord Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and walking with them because then the Holy Spirit is there to not only guide and direct them, giving them wisdom, but to empower them to do it. And so everything here is really tied back to that. These are instructions to the family, and they're universal, but more so for the Christian family. These things should mark us. As we set aside the habits and attitudes that characterize our lives prior to salvation, place on ourselves the habits, the attitudes that should be ours as those who walk with Christ, obviously it's going to be easier to carry out these roles He's given us within the family. And the same is true for parents, and that is our subject this morning. Now Paul's command here in verse 21 is interesting from the standpoint that it's only from the negative. It's only from a, don't do something. Fathers, do not exasperate your children that may not lose heart. Or the King James, the New King James puts it, fathers do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. Same idea. Now, parenting would be very easy if all we had to do was avoid this one danger zone, wouldn't it? Just avoid the one thing and we got it together. But we know from all the rest of Scriptures and even what Paul writes that there is a lot more Scripture says about parenting, a lot more both positive and negative. Things were to do proactively and things were to avoid. So this is not just the only command. The parallel passage over in Ephesians 6, chapter 4, or Ephesians 6, verse 4, includes the negative, fathers do not provoke your children, but adds the positive as well. Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And Paul's command here in Colossians is really only an additional specific instruction to parents that complements everything he said in the first 17 verses of the chapter. And that's important to see. Our parenting has to encompass all those things. Godly parenting requires that you put off the evil and put on the good, both in your practice and requiring your children to do the same. Your own example has to match the instructions you give, otherwise, let's face it, your children see the hypocrisy and they reject it. They want anything to do with it. They reject your teaching. In fact, it's your example that has a greater effect on them than anything you ever give them by word of mouth. They're watching what you do. Everything you do. And let's face it, sometimes that comes back to haunt us when they do what we do and we don't like it. Because we don't like looking in the mirror quite that much. But like I said last week, I think that's one of the blessings of children. They reveal things to us that we need to change and so we're more careful in what we do. We find in Luke 6.40, it says, when a disciple is fully trained, you'd be like his teacher. Well, your first disciple, your first student, your first learner is your children. That's your primary goal is to train them. And so if you are characterized by walking in the flesh with attitudes and actions of anger, wrath, malice, slander, abuse of speech, things that were put off as Colossians 3, 8 tells us, then we shouldn't be surprised if our children exhibit the same kind of actions and attitudes. Same is true with what Paul mentions in verse 5. We were to put to death immorality, impurity, passion, evil, desire, and greed. But if those old evil characteristics still characterize your life, again, don't be surprised if your children follow suit because they will. They will follow your example unless the Lord intervenes. And many of you have parents who have given you bad examples, but the Lord has graciously intervened in your life, called you to Himself so you can walk differently than they did. But that's the Lord's mercy. Now, at the same time, from the positive standpoint, we know that if we will walk the way we're supposed to walk, We will walk as those raised up with Christ, putting on all the characteristics of the new man, those actions and attitudes, which he gives as compassion and kindness and humility and gentleness, patience, bearing with one another, forgiving each other, being loving with each other. If we are having the word of Christ richly dwell in us, then guess what our children are going to do? They're going to follow that example. And they will follow that example for the most part, even if they're not saved. If we go back a couple generations in our own nation's history, when Christian morals permeated society, non-Christians still held the Christian morals, because it's exhibited in all society, including the parents. Now in recognition then of the importance of parenting and that there's so much more in Scripture than just what's here in Colossians, I'm gonna spend the rest of this morning laying a foundation for something we're gonna talk about for a couple weeks. I can't cover this in just one sermon. In fact, when Diane and I do the parenting classes, it's 18 sessions, two hours each. And so how am I going to do that in an hour and a half, 45 minutes this week and 45 minutes next week? Not going to happen. But I want to give you some general principles this week. And then next week, I'm going to give you some more specific things about what God says about what we should be doing as parents, from both the positive and the negative standpoint. Now, before I continue this morning, though, I want to point out something here from Colossians 3.21. Notice that it's directed to the fathers. It specifically says, fathers. In fact, you'll find that throughout the Scriptures. Fathers do this. Fathers do that. Now, does that mean mom's off the hook? No. It doesn't mean mom's off the hook. Both parents are responsible. In fact, ladies, if the father will not do it, you're still responsible because your children still need it. Why is it directed to the fathers? Because the dad, the husband, is still the head of the house, and God is going to hold him responsible. So this is God's warning to him, you are responsible. So fathers, make sure this is being done. That also emphasizes the importance of the husband-wife relationship. The wife submitting to her husband and the husband actively leading doesn't do that and leaves the burden on his wife. Dad, you're still responsible. So it's directed to fathers, but both parents are responsible for all the instructions. Now, God has given us plenty of instructions throughout the Scriptures about raising our children, but American society has changed a lot in my lifetime. We are living in a land now that our society is, I would say, flying as fast as it can away from biblical values and to the vain philosophies and wisdom of men, and so we see the family continuing to disintegrate. When people reject the Creator and design, they tragically do prove the Scriptures are true. They're blinded by Satan, 2 Corinthians 4.4 talks about that, and they are blind, because you talk with them, and they think they're doing what is right, though it's completely opposite of even common sense, and then professing to be wise, they become fools, as Romans tells us. And so we have a lot of people who think they're wise, but their very actions of what they do demonstrates their foolishness. They won't follow God. Let me illustrate this. What is the proof of good parenting? What would you think? The child. The child is the proof of a good parent. Okay? As society has paid more attention to the supposed experts in scriptures, the problems with children have increased. Now, I'm only 52, 53 here in a month, end of the month, and that's not very old. But I remember as a kid when I was in junior high, one of the big problems in school was we would line up, especially junior high, to go into shop class and some of the kids didn't have their shirt tucked in. And boy, that teacher would get all over us. There were kids who'd chew gum in class. Can you believe that? So rude to their teacher, they'd chew gum in class. And the teacher would make them get up and go spit it out in front of everybody and reprimand them. Those were terrible problems back then. If only that were the kinds of problems that still exist in high schools. Now we have high schools typically have metal detectors. Why? So the kids don't kill themselves. This is crazy, yet it's become common. Undercover narcotics officers are common. Sexually transmitted diseases in the high schools are in epidemic proportions. Although I did see a report the other day that's actually from CDC that was demonstrating that the absence-based education is having an effect, and it traces specifically to that kind of education that the sexual activity among high schoolers has dropped. For the first time in a long time, there are more high schoolers that are not sexually active than are. So there is some improvement, but that goes back to instilling back in biblical principles. Young adults, because that's what they are. High schoolers as young adults, and you're responsible. And yes, you can behave yourself and have self-control, rather than like animals, which is how the psychologists tend to treat them. They can't help themselves. Let me take this one step further. A supposed expert on parenting, how would you know if he's really an expert? Look at his kids. How are his kids behaving? Do his kids have it together? Let's face it, suppose experts who kids are out of control are not qualified to give any advice, are they? Because if you can't do this with your own kids, how in the world is your advice supposed to work with other people's kids? You don't want them following that kind of advice. It's interesting that scriptures require elders and deacons to have certain things together at home. Titus 1.6 says that an elder is to be blameless, husband of one wife, having faithful children, not accused of dissipation and subordination. 1 Timothy 3.3 and 4 states, he is one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence. For if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God? It's a very pragmatic thing, isn't it? If you can't handle your own house, you will do the same kind of thing in a more important responsibility in leading people in a larger context in their souls, leading them to God. So your children become the evidence of how you're really doing in your own walk with the Lord and carrying out His commands. Similar statements also made about deacons. So we need to know God's instructions concerning the family, and we need to follow those instructions. And the instructions for parenting begins with the role of the husband and the wife. Parenting begins there. It doesn't begin after you have the kids. It begins for the foundation you're laying before the kids come along. Let me put it this way. You cannot be a better parent than you are a spouse. We saw in our study of Colossians 3.18 that the wife is to be in submission to her husband. Ephesians 5.15-33 explains that this submission is first to the Holy Spirit. and then to her husband. The verb is even taken from that. She's also showing respect. If she doesn't do that, she's going to resent her role, and she's going to risk having her husband bring about, in actuality, the curse that was given in Genesis 3, verse 16, that he's going to rule over her. He'll only take it so far, and then he's going to pound his fist and say, no, I'm not going any farther. Or he's going to absent himself. In any case, she's not going to be the woman she could be or should be, and her example is not what she needs to give to her daughters, or for that matter, to her sons, or what kind of wife to look for. The role of a husband is to lead his family in godliness through sacrificial committed love. That begins by learning to do that with your wife. This also arises out of his own walk of the Holy Spirit, because it really is impossible for him to love in the manner that Christ loves us, to love her even when she's not lovely. To love her even when she isn't what she's supposed to be, and yet to sacrificially love her the same way Christ loves the church. That love includes things like leading her, protecting her, providing for her, helping her to become holy and blameless. It begins there because the things you're putting in with your wife are the things you're going to start instilling into your children as well. So parents let me stress again that the ability for you to properly raise your children is going to be directly in relationship to your being a godly spouse, which is in direct dependence upon your own walk with the Lord. So if you're not walking with the Lord right, how are you going to carry out everything else? So to come back first is we've got to be right with God. We've got to be looking for what He wants us to do. You don't want to do that, then you've already decided you know better than God, and that same basic belief is going to control your parenting. You could care less, really, what he says, because even if you're curious enough to find out, you're going to reject it. You're just going to go your own way. If you want to raise good and godly kids, then you need to work at having a good and godly marriage. You really cannot be a better parent than you are a spouse. But then you say, well, wait a minute. My spouse is not a believer. I'm unequally owed. for whatever reason, or you're divorced, you're raising the kids by yourself. Well, again, we go back to the basics, unequal yoke, divorce, single parents. It comes back down to your submission to the Holy Spirit. How do you treat your unsaved spouse or your ex-spouse? Does your example and your attitude reflect godliness and the love of Jesus Christ? If it does, you're going to have a positive influence for Christ on your children despite your spouse or your ex-spouse. Years ago, we had a lady here, her daughter by that time I think was five or six, and it was a nasty divorce, and it all revolved around the husband violating the daughter when she was very young. How do you deal with that? The emotions are horrendous. She taught her daughter from a young age is to pray for her father's salvation. Simply that. As much hurt as she had, as much anger as she had, she never let that be expressed to the daughter, but continued is we need to pray for him. He doesn't know Jesus. And that's why he does what he does. He needs to know Jesus. and the daughter was doing great. Why? Because of the model of the mom. Your submission to Christ is first and foremost. And if you're modeling godliness, it is going to be demonstrated in how you're raising your children. If it does not, if your example is ungodly, then you're gonna fill your children with whatever it is that is spilling out of you, whether that's resentment, bitterness, pride, revenge, any other ungodly, ugly thing. That's what gets modeled to kids. And they pick that up and off they go with it. So it's not a matter of your circumstance, it's a matter of you walking with the Spirit and demonstrating that in your practical way of living, whatever your particular circumstance is. Okay? Now, last week we studied Colossians 3.20 and the role of children, and we found that God requires children to obey. It's that simple. Children to obey their parents. That is the very first principle of parenting. We are to require our children to obey us. If you're not requiring them to obey you, then you are teaching your children to sin. Obedience is to be the first time, it is to be right away, and it has to be with what I will call a happy face, a good attitude, okay? Do you realize that anything less than that is disobedience? Now, I know some of you are like, wait a minute, that seems awfully stiff of you to require all that of a child. Yes, I think we can and should require our children to obey in that reason, in that manner. For these two reasons, one's theological and the other one's pragmatic. The first reason is that failure to obey the first time is delayed obedience. And delayed obedience is disobedience. I'm still teaching them to sin if I don't require that. The tragedy is that this is actually totally controlled by the parent, and yet we often want to blame the child. Now, why do I say that? Because a child will obey you when they know that you are serious about them obeying you. And until then, they will gamble. And children are great gamblers. They will gamble. Let's see how far we can push this. Now, they will obey you. It could be three or four times after you say it. It could be when your voice hits a certain pitch or tone. Maybe it's when the blood vessels in your neck start popping out, your face turns red, and your blood pressure. You're going to the hospital. They will obey when they know you're serious. I've watched parents who have the counting method. One, two. Why do you have to count? I think your child should be able to count by then. They got 10 fingers. They can count themselves. Are you practicing with them? I don't think so. You're trying to give them room to disobey you. But they obey you as soon as they know you get to the number that is serious. Is one serious when you start counting? No. It's whatever number you pick. Maybe it's three. Three is serious. Two's okay, but three, now we'll obey. Or if you count to 10, they got even more time. They will obey you when they know you're serious. Now, maybe this scenario will sound uncomfortably familiar. You tell your child, Junior, please put your toys away and go get ready for bed. And you go on, do what you're doing, and you come back five minutes later or so, Junior's still there. Junior, I thought I told you to put those toys away. Go get ready for bed. And off you go to do what you're doing, and you come back, and Junior's still playing. Junior, I know I told you to put those toys away. Get ready for bed now. Please go do it. Now you can see a little more tension's coming up. So you go off and do what you're doing. Junior, I know I told you, I'm not telling you again, put those toys away, get ready for bed or you're going to get it. So now there's a bit of a threat here. But more time passes, you come back and guess what Junior's doing? So now I'm not going to do this, but your face turns red, you hit 100 decibels and it is, this is the last time, do what I said or I'm going to spank you. But you finally hit that tone, that pitch, the red face, whatever it was, and guess what Junior does? He goes, gets ready for bed. Why couldn't that happen the first time? Why not skip all of that? You know, just do it the first time. Now, it may not seem very important, but actually it's very important. When you do not require a child to obey right away, the first time, you have put them in the position of being the judge of what is right and wrong. That doesn't belong to them. They don't have the wisdom for that. That belongs to you. The responsibility belongs to you. Don't let them be there. You be the adult. And you've trained them to disobey. Your children need to obey you the first time, right away. Otherwise, you teach them to sin. Now, in saying that, I want to put one temperament in there. Parents, you also need to be considerate of your children, okay? You need to be thoughtful about what they're doing, be sensitive to whatever is going on with them, and give your commands clearly. How can a child obey you the first time if they're not sure what you're even asking them to do? And it's very difficult to do that if they're involved with something else. I'll give you a couple ideas on that one. You want the children to get ready for bed, but they've been up playing some game. And now you walk up and you just holler, get ready for bed now. And they're like two or three moves from the end of the game. That's not very kind to the child, is it? Why not find out what the child is doing and then give appropriate commands? That one would be, as soon as you're done with the game, I want you to get ready for bed. That takes into account what the child's doing. Or here's one. You know, the kids have been, let's say they're watching TV. They've been watching this thing for an hour. It's five minutes before the program ends. It's getting to the climax of the story. And you say, go wash your hands, get ready for dinner, now. I just can't see the end of it. I wanna see the end of this. All right, don't put your kids in that. Find out what they're doing. All right, and then it's like, as soon as that is done, you got a couple more minutes, go wash up, we're gonna have dinner. Okay, so parents, you do need to be sensitive. That's part of what Colossians here in 321 is talking about. Giving commands that exasperate them, and we'll expand on that next week, because there's more to it, but that's one of the examples. That's exasperating. It's exasperating to you as an adult. It's even harder on a kid, okay? Think about what you're commanding them. Take into consideration what they're doing. Don't cause them to lose heart. Now the second reason for requiring first-time obedience is simply safety. There are too many situations that come up in life in which the safety of your child is dependent on them doing what you say immediately. Only their immediate obedience is going to prevent them from injury or death, whether that's stop before they go out in the street and get hit by something, or their I'll tell one of myself. I was a little kid. I was probably six, seven years old. I only remember a little of this, but my mom tells the story all the time, so it's well embedded in my mind. We did a lot of traveling. We were at the Dinosaur National Monument. And the parking lot is, well, it's on the edge of a cliff. It's a long way down there. And there was this neat chain that was just looped to keep the cars from going over the cliff. And we thought it was a great idea to grab that chain and swing out over it. That was pretty cool. Whoa, look, it's way down there. And swing back and forth. And my parents are calm enough about it. They didn't want to scare us to let go, you know, and scream. But it's, boys, stop that. Ruining our fun. You know, I didn't recognize the danger there. I thought this was great. There are too many situations like, way too many, and all sorts of scenarios where they need to obey you immediately, or they're going to get injured. They could even get killed. OK? So they need to do that. Teach them to listen, to obey the first time. Nobody here wants to have that grief of saying, if they had only listened. Teach them to listen. Teach them to obey the first time. Now, we also need to require our children to obey with what I call a happy face, a good attitude. Children that grumble, that complain, or whine may be outwardly obedient. And there's a transition period in your parenting. You're going to get the behavior right, and they're going to still complain and whine. But you've got to work on that. If they continue that way, they may be obedient outwardly, but inwardly, their heart, they're rebellious. Don't allow it. Don't accept it. And I can't stress enough that parenting is about the heart, not the outward behavior. Frankly, the outward behavior is the easy stuff. I know you're like, what do you mean it's easy? It's the easy stuff. You can get the outward behavior. It's the hard stuff that's tough. But you've got to work on that. If you're allowing the whining, the complaining, all that kind of stuff, how did God deal with the children of Israel in the wilderness and why? Grumbling and complaining. It's a grievous sin. We do not allow it. What are the kind of things that God brought upon them? Plagues, poisonous snakes. The ground opened up and swallowed Korah and his rebellion. They ended up with 40 years in the wilderness until that whole generation died off. See, grumbling, complaining is serious sin. Now, I'm not telling you that if your child whines, you should go put a snake in their bed, okay? I'm not telling you to do that. But I am saying to you, don't accept it, don't tolerate it, correct it. Grumbling, complaining is a form of rebellion, and you want to work on the heart. Remember I had said last week that obedience is a schoolmaster? And it is the school mastery. It gives the child the skills to pursue both godliness and success. Do not stop with outward behavior. Continue on. You should be able to get the outward behavior by the time the child is four, six years old, somewhere in that range. Outwardly, they should generally be obedient. by that time range, but go beyond that, instill within them the principles of God's Word, train their hearts that they are going to be internally guided as they get older. You want them to transition so by the time they're 12, 13 years old, their major obedience really is not to you, it's submission to God. And that is primary on their thoughts of, what does God want me to do? And their submission to you becomes secondary of a desire to follow your guidance because it is right before the Lord rather than its force because you're mom and dad. Do you see what the goal is then? It's to train them to be an independent functioning adult. And that comes with them becoming submissive to God. That only comes with training their heart. We have to do that. Ephesians 6.4 describes the responsibility of parents very succinctly. In that passage, it says, "'Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord,' as is a very good general overview of our responsibilities as parents." And as I said last week, when children come into our home, they arrive as sinners. They really do. We have a responsibility to teach them, discipline them, so that that bent toward sin does not overwhelm them. It is the job of children to learn. It's the job of parents to teach. And the most important lessons we can teach our children are those that are related to teaching about the Lord and how he wants them to live. But that's not necessarily an easy task. But we have to take the responsibility. Some of you may remember reading in history books, Harry Truman, when he was president, had a sign on his desk that said, the buck stops here. I like that. But there's very few people who do that. Usually, it's the buck stops there. We try and pass it over. We follow the way of Adam and Eve, and it's not my fault. Adam told God it's the woman's fault. Eve told God it's the serpent's fault. The serpent lost his voice and his legs. He couldn't blame anybody. People are always trying to figure out how to shift the blame. We don't want to do that as parents. And to me, this is foundational if I'm going to be a good parent. If you're going to be a good parent, it's taking on the responsibility of it, because that's where God has placed it, on you. But unfortunately, it's no different when it comes to parenting of what happens in Christian circles. They also shift the blame. Let's face it, if a child comes out pretty good, they become an adult and they're doing well in society, they're upstanding, they're a good citizen, how do parents react? That's my boy. Kind of proud about it, right? That's my daughter. What a fine young lady she is, right? We will take pride in that. But how do parents generally react if the son or the daughter, let's just say, isn't that way, okay? Not my fault. I did everything I could. I don't know what went wrong. We shift the blame over. Why do we want to take the responsibility and the pride when they come out well, but if they don't, well, it's not my fault. There are some interesting proverbs that tell us about the responsibilities and the consequences of our parenting. Proverbs 10.1 says this, a wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a grief to his mother." Proverbs 17.25, a foolish son is a grief to his father and bitterness to her who bore him. Let's face it, no parent starts off wanting to end up there. Too many parents do. Proverbs 19.26, he who assaults his father and drives his mother away is a shameful and disgraceful son. Proverbs 29.15, the rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. Now, grief and bitterness can express emotions experienced over negative things that you can't control. We can grieve over all sorts of things, but shame, shame is a negative emotion that is directly related to one's own wrong actions or failures. That's important to understand. That's where shame comes from. A father and mother are shamed when their children behave in such ways that it exposes their parental failures. Now the reality is that every single parent, that includes Diane and I, are going to fail in different ways. There are failures in our parenting. Why? We're still sinners saved by grace, but we've still got a long way to go. And we don't always have all wisdom to know how to deal with every single situation. Too often we're trying to apply the same lesson that worked on one and think it's going to work on the other one, and those with multiple kids know they're all different. All right? That's what keeps you very humble and going, man, I don't know. But that humility should cause you to seek godly counsel and wisdom from other people so that I can work through those things. No, moms, dads, we're going to fail in some place. But a good Christian parent is not going to work hard at the rearing process. We're going to pray hard, too, because we know it's only God's mercy that our kids come out right. And our goal actually is our kids not only come out right, but mine is that they go beyond me. That really is the goal. I want them to go far beyond me. You need to understand this. There's a dual responsibility for how your children turn out as adults, and this is important to understand. There's a dual responsibility. Both you and your child are going to have a responsibility for what they're like when they become adults. This does not mean in any way the child can somehow blame you for their sins they commit. I don't care how many psychologists they go to, and the psychologist tries to blame mom. They always try and blame mom, or grandma, or some... I don't care how many they go to, they can't do it. Scripture is very clear that every individual bears full responsibility for their own actions and attitudes. Why? Because God has called every single person to repent. Repent from your sins. Follow me. God's grace is sufficient to change anybody regardless of their parenting. A lot of you come from bad homes. I don't know how else you can say it. They were rotten homes. Your parents were not good people. And yet you're walking with the Lord because God is merciful. He calls you to repent. You did. You're walking with him. And you live a whole different kind of life than they did. All of us were dead in trespasses and sin, and it's God who makes us alive together with Christ. And the effect of sin on different people, you know, they may be in different stages of decay and corruption, but they're dead. Dead is dead. That's where they were. But being made alive in Christ, we're new creatures, old has passed away, new has been put on. That brings us right back to Colossians. Put off that stuff, put on the new self, walk a different way. That's why that controls our parenting. No one's going to be able to stand before God and blame their parents or anybody else for their sins for another reason. Ezekiel 18.20 states it very clearly. The person who sins will die. The son will not bear punishment for the father's iniquity, nor will the father bear the punishment for the son's iniquity. The righteous of the righteous will be upon himself. The wicked of the wicked will be upon himself. So don't let yourself get trapped in this modern psychology that tries to pass the blame on to somebody else or to society in general. Throughout the Scriptures, we find this truth, God holds each of us individually accountable for our own sins, and God's judgment is going to be impartial and will be based on the very deeds that person does. Revelation 20, 12 through 13 says it specifically. They're judged by their own deeds, not by somebody else's. So parents understand then that God is going to hold you responsible, but not for your children's sins, okay? This is where the difference starts coming in. You are not responsible for their sin. What are you responsible for? Where you failed as a parent. Where you failed in following everything that God says you're supposed to do. Your children are a reflection of your parenting. And so what you do in raising them affects what they believe to be true. It affects what they think is important, what life is about, what behaviors are acceptable, what is not acceptable, how they feel about themselves and others. How you raise them is reflected in how they turn out, but you're not responsible for their sin. You're only responsible for your own failures. You're not responsible for their salvation either. You can't save them. That's the work of God, isn't it? It's the Holy Spirit that has to bring conviction. He has to bring them and call Himself, regenerate them, that they may place their faith in Him. You can't do that, but what you can do and what you are responsible to do is set the stage for the Holy Spirit's work. I know in my own life, my parents did that. By the time I was six, I understood clearly what sin was. What I didn't understand is his personal application to me. I understand who Jesus was. I understand what he did. I understood what the cross was about. I understand what his burial and resurrection were about. I understood a lot of that stuff by six years old. But at six, when that preacher had said that morning, he says, we all sinned before we got there, I thought, man, I'm in trouble. He talked to my mama, because I sure sinned before I got here. And then it finally hit me. Jesus died not for sinners in general, but for me specifically. And the application was made. I needed a savior personally. At six, my parents laid the groundwork. Are you laying that groundwork with your children? You're responsible for that. God's going to have to work on them for their salvation. That's why you pray. But then you say, well, we did everything we could. Our child rebelled against us and followed Adam's sin nature. All right. It may be true your child rebelled, and it may be true that they're following your sin nature. In fact, I believe you. The evidence is right there. It may be true that you made a valiant effort, but you really have to ask yourself, did you really do everything? None of us have. We followed all of God's commands as individuals and as parents. You demonstrated a perfect walk with God. I haven't. Did you really bring your child up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord without provoking him to anger, exasperation, and causing him to lose heart at any time? We fail. But the answer to failure isn't psychology's blame somebody else. It's not my fault. The reality is that no parent could ever say they've done everything perfectly. That requires perfection on you. And I don't know anybody here that's perfect, especially when I look in the mirror. It ain't there. The solution for guilt of failure is not trying to pass the buck, it's in confession and receiving God's forgiveness. That goes back to what salvation is about, isn't it? I confess, I agree, God, this is what you want and I failed in it. Forgive me. And what's His promise? He forgives us and He pushes us on to become a better individual walking with Him, a better parent. Don't let pride get in your way. If your children are grown and not following Christ, there are two key things that need to be in your life and further ministry to them. The first is confession. The second is intercession. Confession, as the Lord brings your past failures to your attention about what you could have done better in parenting, simply confess that with God. Maybe it did affect them directly, you can see that. You know what, it's not a bad thing to go confess it to them. You know what, as I was studying the word of God and I saw this, I can see it as you were raising you as a, I didn't do what God wanted, I failed here. Forgive me for that. Such humility and repentance goes a long way in restoring and maintaining a relationship with a prodigal child. It also points them to the way that they need to deal with their own guilt and fear. Because I guarantee you they have it. If you really made those kind of efforts, they know what's right and wrong. You've instilled that into them, and they know they're not doing it. How do they deal with their guilt and fear? Show the example. That's confession. And the other is intercession. Plead for God's mercy upon them if the Holy Spirit is going to yet bring them to conviction of sin and draw them to Himself, because that's what has to happen. Confession and intercession. Now, for those of you who still have your children at home, your confessions of failure need to be happening as soon as they happen, as soon as you recognize them. We've done that a lot with our children growing up, is we've had to apologize to them. It's, you know what, we were wrong. Your dad lost his temper, I was wrong. No, we didn't recognize that. We were arbitrary in dealing out the punishment. We now recognize that you actually didn't do it. It was your brother. You told us the truth. Please forgive me for not believing you." We've had to do that. And it's brought us closer to our children as they were growing up and made us more humble parents. The men who've served on the pack over the years know how often, as they've gotten to different stages, I said, guys, got any ideas? I'm not sure what to do here. And I'll talk with them about it. Be a humble parent. Don't be proud. That is bad for you. It's bad for your children. But as you're raising them, be humble with them. It sets for them a wonderful example of how they should respond when they do wrong. We're not perfect parents, but all parents are responsible for their children, according to scriptures, and so we need to take that responsibility. Be serious about it. That's why it's foundational parenting. If I know it belongs to me and I'm serious about it, I'm going to do something about it. If I think I can just keep passing the buck, I'm not going to do it. Children are a gift from the Lord, Psalm 127 tells us. They're to be a blessing, and they will be if you will follow God's instruction concerning them. If you do not, they may prove to be a curse to you and to everyone around them. There is no responsibility, there's no privilege either greater than raising your children, but no parent has it altogether. That is why we periodically teach a parenting class. We like to get the parents interacting together so they can help each other. And it does really help. You need to know, you need to pursue after what are God's instructions about parenting and then follow those and put them into practice so your children can be a blessing. So just by way of review, children have become like their parents. What's your example? Set a godly example. Put off the old ways, put on the new self. Walk with Christ as one raised up with him. That's the example you want to set. The proof of good parenting, it is the child. Don't fall for the experts. Their children are not walking properly. Find the godliest people you can as exhibited by what their children are doing. Those are the ones you want to ask advice from. God requires children to obey their parents. So, parents, you need to require it and teach your children not to sin. Teach them to obey you. Obedience needs to be the first time right away and with a good attitude. Okay? All three need to be there. It's a transition, but that's the goal. Work towards it. There's a dual responsibility for how a child turns out as an adult. The child, fully responsible for his own actions and attitudes. You can't blame anybody else. Parents, fully responsible for carrying out all of the Lord's commands concerning raising your children. You can't blame anybody else. And the solution for guilt? Confession and forgiveness. That's the good news. If we didn't have that in Christ, man, we all should be depressed. We should be very, very seriously depressed. But in Christ, there's forgiveness. And that is the greatest message that we can give anybody, isn't it? It comes back to our Savior. And He's merciful, He is gracious, He is loving, He is kind, and He's oh so patient. Next week I want to continue on this subject and expand on more of the specifics about the positive and negative aspects of parenting. There are things parents are to do, there are things we're to avoid. Let me just maybe say this as a final conclusion. Because it is hard, some of you I know have children that are adults, they're not walking the way they should. Just seek the Lord and never give up. You have the patience that God has with them. Okay? You have the patience that God has, and don't give up. Until they're taken out of this life, never give up. You don't know what the Lord has in store. We rely upon His character for our own salvation and the salvation of all those around us, including loved ones that aren't walking right.