While I was at the IFCA International Conference at the end of June, I spent some time talking with one of the vendors there, Bridge to Life. We actually have used some of their material in the past with some men's ministries, and they have a lot of stuff they do on marriage and family ministry. In fact, I asked him a question if he was doing a lot of marriage counseling now, and like every other pastor I've talked to, there's been a whole lot of marriage counseling going on. And it seems like it's increasing. So I was asking him questions about, you know, maybe I could find something that might be beneficial for us. And they're in an association with a larger ministry for ministries that deal with marriage and family issues. and they had this resource catalog there and he said well why don't you pick up that you might be able to find something and suggested a couple of things and I started thumbing through it and a few things I recognized that were very good. Some of the authors, some of the ministries, Ken Ham actually had some material in there, Tony Evans, Randy Alcorn, Elizabeth George, but then there was a lot of other things I didn't recognize the ministry, I didn't recognize the authors so I spent a little more time reading through the blurbs that the descriptions, they became very important. How do you know what something is unless you read the description, right? Well, I was very encouraged by some of the stuff I saw there. Some of it was obviously very biblically based and really striving to want to give people an understanding of applying scriptures. One of the ministries that had material there was actually called D6 Family. D6, what's that? Deuteronomy 6. And that was all their information was how do we put into practice the principles that come out of Deuteronomy 6 about teaching our children to love the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, and strength. so that was great uh... but then i started noticing as you're going through this that there was a lot of uh... uh... notice if someone had some sort of uh... psychology credential you know doctor so-and-so popular psychologist and that stuff and yet when i looked at like the stuff on tony adams who's a pastor it said nothing about him being a pastor well me being a pastor that raises suspicions for me uh... started looking at some more of the books and some of the titles really raise my suspicions and please pardon me in advance because I'm going to get a little sarcastic here. What would you think of a book titled Four Days to a Forever Marriage? Now that's my response too. Here's the description. It says that going through this book, you will learn about two powerful choices and you can begin living a more intimate and loving relationship that honors God and each other in just four days, unquote. Yeah, well. If the choices are, and I didn't have a book so I don't know what's in it, if the choices are not, A, choose not to sin, and B, choose to love God, then I don't think it's going to be very helpful. Because those are the only two powerful choices that can make those kind of changes. Then there was another one. You're going to love this title. Have a new husband by Friday. Yes. The book cover says the popular psychologist and New York Times best-selling author. You realize that if it made the New York Times, it's got to be good, right? Right, okay. It says that he wants to teach women how to change their husband's attitude, behavior, and communication in just five days. Some of you could sure use that book. You and the Lord both have been working on that man for years, and there's still a lot of work to do, right? Okay. Well, on a more serious note, it seems to me last week I talked about manipulation and all the sins that revolve around that. That is not a means to a healthy and godly relationship, is it? So, ladies, I'm sorry, you cannot have a new husband by Friday. All right, that's a good positive, John. There was also a book. She's going to keep you. There was another book. It said, Six Secrets to Lasting Love. Six, six secrets to lasting love. I have a hard time believing that such things are secret. We've been going through the scriptures on this subject for a while now. What do we keep finding? It's not a secret. It's openly there right in the pages of scripture. You don't have to find something that's hidden to figure out how to have a good marriage. It's not that difficult in terms of the knowledge. It's not the information. The problem is that what is required to have a lasting love goes against our sin nature, and we don't want to hear it, much less put it into practice. That's our problem, isn't it? And so the catalog had many good resources to help marriage and families, but it also had some things that definitely would be detrimental. So you have to be very careful out there. One advertisement, again, I went and read the doctrinal statement for this larger ministry. It was very good. They came from a good church. Why would they have a book like this one? It advertised a faith-based book on Imago Relationship Therapy. Anybody ever hear of that before? Neither have I. So I looked it up. What is Imago Relationship Therapy? It's an integration of Western psychological systems, behavioral sciences, and spiritual disciplines into a theory of primary love relationships. Its first basic premise is that people are born whole and complete. Yeah, it goes downhill from there. Because that's a contradiction of scripture, isn't it? We know from Psalm 51.5, Ephesians 2.3, we are born in sin, by nature, are children of wrath. We're not born whole and complete. So the foundations of the therapy just get worse. So even though there are good materials out there that can be very encouraging and help you understand how God has arranged marriage and what you need to do, you need to be very careful. There's a lot of stuff that masquerades as something Christian. It is not. It is not. Be very, very careful. Ultimately, they lead you away from God and His purposes in marriage, and that means you're heading for failure. Even if it somehow makes your marriage a little more happy, our goal in life is not happiness, it's holiness. Holiness should bring about happiness, but you don't have to be happy to be holy. You can have very difficult circumstances and be joyful even if you're not happy. Well, that brings us back to this morning's message. Now, I've read a lot of books on marriage and family over the years, and I have found helpful tips in a lot of them. But there's only one book that changes your life, and that's the Bible. It's the only book that has changed my life. It's the only book that really has helped me establish my marriage and lead my family. It's the Scriptures. And that hasn't been done in four or five days. It began with repentance. a conviction of sin, a conversion to true Christianity, to become a disciple of Christ when I was young. It has taken a lifetime of learning how to follow the Holy Spirit, to understand His Word, and become obedient to the things He says here. That's a lifetime, and there's still a lot of room for growth. God's still changing me and making me more of what he wants me to be, conforming to the image of Christ. It doesn't happen in four or five days. Even in marriage, though Diana and I had read an extensive number of books prior to our wedding, our first few years of marriage together were pretty rough. It has taken us years to learn and develop the good marriage that we have now, because knowledge was not enough. We had knowledge. It also takes wisdom and practice in applying that wisdom, applying the knowledge in everyday life in a way that's going to honor God. Marriage in one sense was a crucible in which God has refined both of us into greater Christ-likeness. which is why we do have a good marriage now. It took a lot of work. It has taken years. And we would not want to go back to the turmoil of those first few years, would we dear? No. Maybe just to give you a snippet of this, made a vow that I'm going to listen to her, I'm going to be a good godly husband and pay attention to her. You know, I had worked that day and got home and it was getting kind of late and she really wanted to, she had to pour out her heart to me and she said, can you stay awake? I said, yes, I'm going to be a good husband. I'm going to stay awake. I woke up when the door slammed. Scott, Scott. So the spirit was willing, the body was out. It took a while to learn some of these things. So our desire is through the struggles and all the rest that just come as part of marriage, you can become what God wants you to be. And marriage is part of that. I do believe that every married couple can have a wonderful marriage if, and it's a big if here, they will follow what the scripture says about marriage and relationships. The quality of a marriage is going to be directly related to how well you live in godliness. That's the correlation. The more godly you are, the better your marriage will be. The less godly you are, you may call it a marriage, but it's not what God says it can be. If you will, I think we would desire to have a marriage that's divine style, not human style. Something with God's blessing upon it. Now for that reason, I have no interest in tickling anybody's ears. And I don't think I've tickled anybody's ears. I don't want to give you tips based on human wisdom about how to have a happy marriage. I am against the techniques of manipulation that do occur in a lot of these self-help books that teach you how to manipulate your spouse so you can get what you desire. I think that's sin. I stand firmly opposed to the various psychological methods by which you both learn how to satisfy each other's sinful desires. That's actually not helpful to either one of you even though you seem very happy because now you're both doing the same thing. But it's still against what God wants and that puts you in a bad position. Now some of you may feel like I've been boxing your ears over the last couple weeks but that's not my purpose either. Again, my purpose, I want to help you understand clear instruction from the Word of God about what He says about relationships, and particularly in marriage. And remember, if you're not married, all the things I've talked about marriage relationships also apply to every other relationship you have. They're the same principles. If you know what the Word of God says, then you can follow it, and you can begin to have what He really would desire you to have. So if you feel like I've boxed your ears, I apologize, that's not been the purpose, but maybe it's the Holy Spirit that's boxing your ears, not me. Pay attention to that. Seek, strive, whatever it is you need to do in your life to walk in holiness and in wisdom, and then you can enjoy the benefits of a godly marriage. So be someone wise. Learn to build up your home instead of someone who's foolish that tears it down with your own hands. If you've not already done so, a good marriage begins with repentance. Turning from wickedness, turning to faith in the Lord Jesus Christ receives forgiveness and righteousness. That really is the starting place. It all begins there as you become a new creature in Christ, as 2 Corinthians 5.17 describes. It continues on as the Holy Spirit then does His work in you and starts conforming you to the image of Christ. You start learning the scriptures. You start learning what it means to obey that. And yes, sometimes that's pretty hard work, isn't it? Sometimes it's really hard work. It's a struggle because it's against what we'd like to do. But your part is to obey, and as you do it, you find it's well worth it. As Philippians 2.3 and Philippians 2.3-5 describes, we learn to be obedient to the scriptures of humbling ourselves, considering others as more important than ourselves. Learn to be unselfish, having the mind that was in Christ Jesus. And our relationships get better and better from that. So set aside pride and be humble. Turn from selfishness, become unselfish. Develop that same attitude that was in Christ Jesus. Now in this series, we have already covered quite a few things. Yeah, there it is. That's quite a few subjects, isn't it? being naive, poor counsel, pride, foolishness, wickedness, stubbornness, self-righteousness, selfishness, demanding, contention, nagging, being critical, quarreling, temperamental, harsh, hateful, and last week we covered indifference, manipulation, deceit, and lying. Good thing it was in four parts and not in one. And we've got a couple more to cover today. But if you've missed those things, go back and get them. They're online at our website or ask. We'll give you a hard copy of the notes or ask Sandy. She'd be happy to make a CD for you. But take advantage of these things. These are simply resources to help you understand scripture to follow what God wants you to do in your marriage. Now this morning I want to examine a couple more areas of foolishness which are directly harmful to marriage. The first one is the idea of being unfair. Unfair. Of course, no one here has ever said that to your spouse, right? You're unfair. You've never heard that, right? Only me? Okay. Well, the idea of being unfair can be taken a lot of different directions because we live in a time when people easily proclaim something to be unfair when actually It's really a simple matter of jealousy. It's not about being fair. They're jealous. They think it's unfair that somebody else would have what they would like, whatever it is. It could be a material thing. It could be they have better skills. They have more friends. They have a better position in life. It's unfair. They have something I don't. Well, such jealousy is an evil and is the basis of class warfare, which now is being waged in our society. It's fueled by politicians who exploit that for their own advantage. Fairness has nothing to do with that. According to Webster, our word fair comes from a Gothic word, which means to be content or to make something pretty. Now from those two usages, many additional ideas came out and were developed, and that's what concerns us here. Fair is the idea of just and honest, impartial, unprejudiced. It's according to the rules. In other words, fairness is not a concept that is applied to outcome. It actually is only about the process. How are you getting there? It is fair when everybody plays by the same rules, not when everybody has the same outcome. In fact, I would go far to say if the results are equal, the process was not fair. Somebody had to manipulate something to have that. Why do I say that? Try to imagine, just imagine some kind of sport in which every game must end in a tie score regardless of who is playing. Can you think about that? Could there be such a sport? Now life is much more complex than a sport, isn't it? We all have different variables that determine the outcomes. It includes things like family background. Some of you have natural abilities that others don't. Some of you developed very good acquired skills. Then there's character qualities as well. Now of the four that I just mentioned, character is the most important. There are a lot of people who come from prestigious families and they have good natural ability, highly educated, they've got good skills and yet all of it becomes squandered because their character is poor. You read these stories all the time. The opposite end of the spectrum are those who came from some dishonorable family. They don't have any connections. They've got physical handicaps, maybe even mental handicaps. So there's no natural ability. They've received a poor education, so they don't have acquired skills. They're lacking. And yet, because of a very good character, they've been diligent and they've succeeded. Consider these contrasts we find in the book of Proverbs. First, Proverbs 10, verse 4, poor is he who works with a negligent hand, but the hand of the diligent makes rich. The issue there was a character quality. Proverbs 11, 27, he who diligently seeks good seeks favor, but he who searches after evil, it will come to him. Again, it's a character issue, isn't it? Proverbs 13.4, the soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the soul of the diligent is made fat. Proverbs 21.5, the plans of the diligent lead surely to advantage, but everyone who is hasty comes surely to poverty. Now what does all that have to do with fairness and having a good marriage? First, life does not give you and your spouse equal family backgrounds. doesn't give you the same natural abilities, doesn't give you the same acquired skills. And so to expect some kind of equal outcome in the marriage, it's ridiculous as well as foolish. That's first. Second, God has not given you the same roles in your marriage. So to expect the other to share equally in what God has given you responsibility over is absurd and also foolish. Okay? You got different roles. So how can it be equal if you have different responsibilities? And third, which is related to the first two, a godly marriage is not. It is not a contract. It is not a partnership. It is a covenant. What's the difference? A covenant is a promise to fulfill your God-given role and responsibilities irrespective of the other person. That's what God has made with us, isn't it? He fulfills his part. He is faithful to us even if we're unfaithful, isn't he? And we're to reflect Christ. So those three things make it very different. The husband is to love and to cherish his wife. The wife is to respect and submit, follow her husband's lead. They are both to fulfill their roles before God even if the other one does not. So fairness is really a matter of godliness, not equality. It is love, it's self-sacrifice, it's faithfulness to the promises that have been made. Have you considered the conditions that were set within the marriage vows? And most of them, at least in the United States, are pretty similar. There might be a variation here and there. But every one I've ever been to at least has this part in it. There's promises made and here's the conditions set for those promises to be fulfilled. For better or worse. for richer or poorer in sickness and in health. Is it unfair then if it does turn out to be worse, poorer in sickness? Is that unfair? Of course it's not unfair. And yet it's very common to hear a complaint that anything less than better, richer and healthy is somehow unfair. Now, biblical fairness actually comes to a different word. It's called equity. Equity. The Hebrew is mishor, and another form is meshar. They have the same root. And that means being upright, straight, on the level. And Scripture ties it to righteousness as the manner of judgment in Psalm 9, 8, and Isaiah 11, 4. That's its basis. Proverbs 1, 3 tells that the purpose of the book of Proverbs is to give instruction in righteousness, justice, and equity. this idea of fairness. Proverbs 2.9 adds that the wisdom from the Lord will give discernment in righteousness, justice, and equity, what is actually fair. So such equity in a marriage would be seen in being upright in character and actions. You live according to godliness and you treat your spouse accordingly. That is what fairness is. Unfairness in marriage then would be harmful because unfairness would side with wickedness instead of righteousness. It would take up with selfishness instead of loving sacrifice. It would follow self-righteous instead of humility and compassion. Over the years, I have found that those who are unfair, that is, someone who is not upright and equitable, tend to be very quick to make judgments based on their limited knowledge. That should be falling in shame to them. Proverbs 18.13 and John 7.24 both tell us about such hazy decisions and judgments. yet they rarely recognize that because they're so focused on blaming or correcting the other one. They can't see what's going on themselves. I've also found more often than not that the one making the accusation is usually the one that's unfair, not the one who's being accused. Now finally, on the issue of being unfair, in case you still think that fairness is related to equality, you want to use that definition, then I'm here to tell you today, face reality. Life isn't fair. Okay? It's not fair. So grow up, get over it, and move on. Got it? If you focus on being a blessing to others, especially your spouse, You will find that not only will your life be happier, but you're going to end up helping people along the way instead of hindering them. Put your focus on what you can give to the relationship, not on what you can get out of it. Or if I can use the analogy I used a couple weeks ago, learn to be the dog that gives in a relationship instead of the parasitic tick that is sucking the lifeblood out of it. Finally, consider what life would be like if Jesus had used this definition of fairness that's so common in our society, of equality or of equal outcome. He would have forsaken the cross because the righteous paying the price of the sin penalty for the unrighteous is the epitome of unfairness. If God was fair in that sense, nobody would go to heaven. We would all be in hell now. And so I'm thankful that God's not fair in that sense, but instead He's loving and He's merciful and He's gracious. And since as a Christian I'm being conformed to the image of Christ, that's what I'm supposed to be as well, isn't it? I need to reflect those qualities. Loving, merciful, gracious. Now the next three areas of foolishness are very destructive to a marriage, to a family, and each excessive area arises from the previous. The first is indiscreet. Now in Proverbs there weren't discretion is a characteristic of wisdom. In fact, it's sometimes even used as a synonym for it, for example, in Proverbs 8, 12. It carries the idea of giving careful consideration before making a decision and planning how you'll fulfill your purpose. And the purpose of Proverbs, according to Proverbs 1, 4, is to teach youth knowledge and discretion, to be careful, to plan, to think, to consider. Proverbs 3.21 and 5.2, we find a father imploring his son not to let wisdom, discretion depart from his sight. Proverbs 2.11 says that discretion will actually guard you from evil. So to be indiscreet is to be the opposite of discreet, to lack discretion. Someone who is indiscreet, they act on whims. They're carried away by the moment. They're often oblivious to their surroundings, and so they don't know what they should say, when they should say it, and where they should say it. They don't consider the possible consequences of their words or actions, and all that leads to all sorts of problems. There's another Hebrew word, ta'am, has a very different root meaning. It actually means to taste. But it's also translated as discretion because of the similarity in usage in conveying this idea of evaluation decision. You may taste something to determine its qualities and whether it's something you want to actually consume. So there's an evaluation, a decision that's made because of it. In Proverbs 31.8, this particular word is used in a positive sense describing the valuable woman. She senses, actually she tastes, that her gain is good, her lamp does not go out at night. It's a positive thing. She evaluates, she sees and determines this is a good thing. In Proverbs 11.22, it describes the opposite character. That particular proverb says this, as a ring of gold in a swine's snout, so is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion. So while there's a component here about the outward appearance being compared, the actual comparison here is about character, character. The ring of gold compares the beautiful woman while the swine's snout compares to her lack of discernment. A ring of gold is something valuable, it's something pretty, right? but you place it in the ugly nose of a pig, tell me what value and how pretty is it? Okay, it's sort of overwhelmed by the snozz of the pig. Because what are you looking at? It's like, this is out of place. And the same thing is true, according to this proverb, for a woman that presents herself as physically beautiful, her attractiveness quickly departs when her character becomes known by her indiscretion. What she says, how she acts usually reveals selfishness, and given enough time, it exposes her wickedness. And what should be beautiful suddenly becomes overwhelmed by the ugliness. We live in a society that celebrates physical beauty. The fashion industry is built around finding ways to flaunt your assets while hiding what you don't want anybody to know about, right? Was that a fair way to describe the fashion industry? Okay? Now, that strategy may work for the ungodly, but the godly should see through it quickly. Proverbs 31.30 states that charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. You see, a pretty girl with a vile tongue is repulsive to a godly man, or at least should be. And unfortunately, we live in a time when there's a lot of pretty girls out there who have very vile tongues. I'll tell you, they're ugly. the beauty is gone. You may find someone else who is a very charming personality but they dress like a harlot that also is repulsive to a godly man. They don't want such a woman. They want someone who is godly, someone who can be praised, someone who's worthy. Well that brings up the next foolish characteristic, shameful. Now there's hope for someone who's indiscreet because they could learn and mature, become wise and have direction. So there's hope there. But if she does not learn, he does not learn, and the indiscretion continues, it's a very easy slide into being shameful. Proverbs 12.4 says, an excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who shames him is as rottenness in his bones. Now men, you're not off the hook here. Proverbs 13.5, a righteous man hates falsehood, but a wicked man acts disgustingly and shamefully. Now, shame is the grief, the guilt that is caused by the exposure of what is inappropriate, what is disgraceful, what is dishonorable, what is sinful. And our society has, for the most part, lost its sense of shame. Senator Soland has lost his sense of shame in the continuing immoral votes that he's been making up in the Senate and a whole lot of others with him. Many people now proudly flaunt their blatant sin and have no remorse about it. However, what they think is fun, games, and laughter is a serious matter before God, and if it occurs in the marriage, it's extremely damaging. The contrast in Proverbs 12, 4, which we just read, is an issue of character and trust. The excellent wife can be trusted because her good character, as explained in Proverbs 31, ensures the husband. She is a gain for him. And so in the end, she brings honor and glory not only to her husband, but to her whole home, to herself. The wife that has a wicked character will bring dishonor upon her husband or family by her own immorality and imprudence. She's like a disease in his bones. Proverbs 13.5 is more direct in saying, the actions of a wicked man are shameful, causing dishonor, humiliation, embarrassment, and actually one of the words there actually means a stench, odious, repulsive. Now, such shame can arise from any sin that becomes known by others. Because a husband and wife are joined together, the sin of one has an effect on the reputation of the other. Any actions of foolishness, displays of pride, selfishness, wickedness, it brings dishonor. Improper speech, immoral behavior, indiscretions bring disgrace. Refusal to live within God's design and commands brings shame. And so while feelings of guilt and remorse are going to vary by society, because let's face it, society has an effect on what we perceive as right and wrong. Society can actually, well, it strives to conform you to its image. And if you're not careful, it can even bring about a seared conscience so that you believe what is an abomination for God is something good, as is occurring in our society. But the actual shamefulness of anything is determined by God, not society. Let me give you two quick examples. The feminist movement has perverted our ideas about the proper role that God has given to men and women. There are many churches now, even some that claim to be Bible teaching and preaching, that believe it is proper for women to be pastors. In fact, many of these would say I'm a male chauvinist for even trying to interpret and apply in a literal manner such passages as 1 Corinthians 11.3, 14.34-35, 1 Timothy 2.9-15, and 3.1-13. All of them make it very clear that it is a male responsibility and God holds the male responsible for leadership. Now they may have persuaded themselves that God approves of women pastors, but here's the reality of it. Every church led by a woman brings shame on every single man sitting there. So notice here, I'm not attacking the woman so much. She's probably sticking in and trying to fill a hole because someone needs to do it. But the very fact that she is doing it is a proclamation to every single man there, shame on you. This belongs to you. It is your responsibility. So she exposes it by her presence. I will say this about those who are tempted to go in that position. Any ladies? Follow the example of Aquila and Priscilla who taught Apollos privately and then put him out front. Grab some guy and get him encouraging and get him to be responsible. Don't usurp it. You only continue the problem. Second example. The styles of clothing that are accepted in American society have now changed the point that I'd have to say to be in fashion, ladies nearly have to dress as harlots and Hollywood once did. Okay? Now, women may not feel ashamed of their fashion, but they should. They should. Such women are a great cause of confusion to men. They dress in a way to flaunt their assets, And then they get upset when some man answers their advertisement. Ladies, don't be surprised about what type of man you will attract by the way you dress. And a wife that dresses immodestly opens herself up to improper advances of other men and shames her husband. The scriptures are very clear about the importance of modesty for all people and especially for women. 1 Timothy 2, 9-10, 1 Peter 3, 3-5 are probably key passages. We've got handouts on modesty. We actually print them up and make sure they're available at the beginning of every summer, every summer that comes around. We try to make sure they are available. Why? Because you do need help. You are in a position where society is really working hard to conform you to its image, and it's not a good one. This is simply an aid for you to be able to start thinking through, how can I do what is necessary to glorify God and show Him? So pick those up, help one another with that. So those are two examples. It's shame. The third one is unfaithful. It's never surprising when discretion and then shameful behavior finally results in faithfulness. It is simply the culmination of what has been in the heart for a long time, demonstrated by the first two, being indiscreet and shameful. Proverbs gives a lot of warnings about the adulterous woman, but the principles apply just as much to adulterous men. Remember, most of that whole section is a father speaking to his son. A mother could say the exact same things to a daughter. They speak about someone who has smooth lips and smooth speech, chapter 5 verse 3, chapter 6 verse 24. They work hard to tempt others, chapter 7, verses 10 through 21. But there's strong warnings. Chapter 6, verse 32 says, those who commit adultery lack sense. They're on the path of destruction. However, if you will follow wisdom, chapter 2, verse 16, chapter 6, verse 24, both say, wisdom will protect you. She will protect you from these things. Now, unfaithfulness in marriage is more often than not destructive to it. It doesn't survive. According to Matthew 5.32 and 19.9, it's the only cause of divorce that does not result in additional adultery by the innocent spouse. Now, with true repentance, adultery can be forgiven. The marriage can be healed. But even with that, it's very difficult, and it takes an exceptional spouse that can overcome the hurt and the disloyalty. Last week, I mentioned that lying is a wrecking ball. Well, if lying is a wrecking ball, Unfaithfulness is a demolition bomb. And it takes a lot of patience and nastiness to clean up the mess and rebuild the home. Now, tragically, by the time most people reach the point of being unfaithful, they already turned their back on God. And that's why they're going that direction. Proverbs 2.17 warns and points out this characteristic in the adulteress. She leaves the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God. Do you see where the problem really lies? It's her God. The problem is in the relationship with her God. That's why the other problems are there, and the same thing is true for a man that does this. The problem is his relationship with God. Proverbs 2.17 points that out, but it's a small step from there to a seared conscience that will not even recognize there's a problem here. We've had a lot of legislatures up in Albany that have seared consciences. They passed a law a couple years ago that now makes divorce on any issue. It's all no fault. And it's destroying families. There is no protection for the innocent party. There's no protection for the children anymore. It was designed by lawyers who do have affairs to protect themselves. And we all live under that now. Proverbs 30 verse 20 demonstrates what the character is of these people. This is the way of an adulterous woman. She eats and wipes her mouth and says, I've done no wrong. And that's how they treat it. I've done nothing wrong. Really? Nothing wrong? God has a different word on that, doesn't he? Well, what's the solution to adultery and fornication? I'm putting both here because both are forms of unfaithfulness. Adultery is unfaithfulness to the present spouse and fornication is unfaithfulness to a future spouse. Understand, you do not belong to yourself. If you're married, you belong to your spouse. Your body belongs to your spouse. If you're not married, your body belongs to whatever future spouse you may have. and since you do not know whether you can get married or not, it still belongs to somebody else. But more important than that, it's unfaithfulness to the Lord. So they both go together. Now, three solutions here. The first is always the best. Walk in the ways of wisdom and never get near it, right? Stay away. Leave it in some other state. Okay, our computer just died. Hmm. Well, it's a good thing we're toward the end here, right? So number one, stay away, Proverbs 5, 8. Don't get near it. What's the best way to keep from falling over a cliff? Don't get near the edge, right? Okay? Second, if you're married, make sure you keep your eyes fixed on your own spouse. Proverbs 5, 15 through 21 advocates that. Keep your eyes one place. Qualifications for leadership in the church for men includes being a one-woman man, and it has that very idea. Eyes for one woman only, the spouse. If it's something you've been tempted by but have not yet fallen, then the solution here is heed wisdom's many warnings and flee. Get out of there. What's the second way to keep from falling over the edge of the cliff? The first is don't get near the edge. The second is if you're next to the edge, get away from it. Right? Flee the danger. But what if you already fell over the edge? What if you already fell over the edge? Well, there's a solution for that, too. It's genuine repentance. Genuine repentance. Psalm 51 describes genuine repentance. It's a good psalm to be in, in any sin, because it describes what genuine repentance really is. You must change your mind and see that the unfaithfulness for the evil really is, and then turn from it. Then you seek the Lord's forgiveness, and then the forgiveness of everyone else that is damaged by it. That includes first and foremost your spouse, But it also harms other people too, doesn't it? What about your children? What about extended family? How about your friends? It damages all of them. And as strange as this may sound, there's another whole group of people that you need forgiveness from that people forget about. How about the one you sinned with and their family and their friends? You see, genuine repentance is humble. It desires to be right with God and make things right with everybody else. Genuine repentance can bring the healing, but without it, it's not going to happen. So again, Psalm 51, true repentance, completely humble, takes full responsibility, desires to be transformed, and so it seeks to make things right while also warning others about the dangers. Those are always my best counselors for people who are struggling in this area. Someone who's fallen in the past. No one can give as strong a warning as they have. They know the pain, they know the tragedy. Because of man's inherent sin, foolishness abounds, doesn't it? And it expresses itself in many different ways within marriage and families. But it doesn't have to stay that way. Those who will walk with the Lord in wisdom, they can overcome whatever foolishness gets in there. You can have a wonderful marriage. You can have families that are God-honoring. You can have whatever relationships you have with friends as God-honoring. The key to solutions of foolishness really come down to three things. And as we've been going over this series, this is the fifth message in this, some of you might think, is he just going to keep saying the same thing over and over again? Well, in some ways, yes, because there are three key solutions to all foolishness. The first is repentance. Repent, change your mind, and turn away from sin, wickedness, and self-righteousness. All right, that's the first, repentance. The second is humility. Set aside your pride and become someone who is humble before God and man. Humility. And the third is learn to be unselfish. actually put other people and their interests above your own. Seek that out. Those three things will completely change your life around. Now there are two other major issues of foolishness that are harmful to marriage I'm going to be discussing in the future, not today. The first is the influences from outside the family that pervert the proper priorities. And the second is the improper rearing of children. But I'm going to weave the solutions to those areas of foolishness and discernment that deal with those broader topics. Proverbs on proper priorities and Proverbs on proper child rearing. Okay? Again, I know that some of this sounds like I'm boxing people's ears, but we have a hope in Christ. There are solutions to the problems that beset us. There's a way through the turmoil that may be in your own home. It's in Christ and walking in godliness. And that is the hope I would have for all of you. That that's what would mark your life. Remember this about marriage. No matter how bad it may be, or how bad it may get, God cares about it more than you do. Because according to Ephesians 5, your marriage is to glorify Christ by being a picture of Christ in the church. And if he cares about it, then you have an ally who will help you through whatever you need to go through to become the godly person you need to be and a blessing to the other one, even if they're not godly.