Bibles, please turn with me to Colossians chapter three. Colossians chapter three, the Apostle Paul, he has been showing us throughout this chapter how the Lord Jesus Christ, because he is sufficient, totally transforms the lives of those who belong to him. In verses one through four of chapter three, he tells us that all those who trust in Christ have died with Christ and have been raised with Christ. Now, that is, we've died to the dominion of sin and we've been raised to newness of life. Because of that glorious reality, Paul goes on to explain in verses 15 through 17 that those who are trusting in Christ have the twofold responsibility of killing their indwelling sin and cultivating the righteousness of God. And of course, when this happens, there will be a noticeable impact upon the life of the individual. the life of the church, and as we began to see last week, the life of the family. Beginning in verse 18 and going through chapter 4, verse 1, the Apostle Paul describes how the various relationships that make up the family are to function in light of the presence and the power of the Lord Jesus Christ. Last week, we considered the relationship between husbands and wives, verses 18 and 19. And we learned that Jesus Christ enables wives to submit to their husbands and he enables husbands to love their wives. And this morning, we're going to look at the second relationship of the household that Paul speaks of here, the relationship between parents and children. And so having said that, let's turn our attention now to the reading of God's word. I'll begin reading at Colossians chapter two, verse 20, and we'll read just through 21. Here, the word of God, this is the infallible inspired word of the living God. He says in verse 20, children. Obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children. lest they become discouraged. Before we look at this word this morning, let's go to the Lord in prayer. Gracious Heavenly Father, just a couple of verses here this morning, but they're very profound. Father, we ask for your grace. We ask for your insight here into the word of God. This is your word, Father. We need you to interpret it for us. There's only one right meaning of the text, Father. We pray that we would come to that meaning. And then we pray, Father, that the Holy Spirit would drive the truth of the word deep into the recesses of our hearts, that it might bear fruit, good fruit that the Lord Jesus Christ has prepared for us to bear. We ask this in Christ's name. Amen. I'd like to open it with a couple of questions this morning, each having to do directly with the passage before us. And the first question I address to the children and all of the young people among us today. And the question is this. Are you marked by obeying your parents? Are you marked, are you characterized by obeying your mother and your father? The second question is for the group opposite them, the parents and especially the fathers. And the question is this, are you marked by not provoking your children, not provoking your children? One of the most interesting or striking characteristics about the household sections that you'll find in the New Testament letters is the corresponding character of the admonitions that make it up. The duty of wives, as we saw last week, isn't stressed at the expense of that of husbands. The duty of slaves, as we'll look at next week, isn't stressed at the expense of that of masters. And the duty of children isn't stressed at the expense of that of parents. And this is important for us to know because this is just another way in which the scripture sets itself apart from every other so-called inspired work of God. You see, outside of the Bible, there is very little balance when it comes to household duties. Often the duty of the first member of each group is stressed and little or nothing is said about the second. In ancient times, when things went wrong, All of the blame fell upon wives, children and slaves. Of course, the Apostle Paul knows better than that. He knows that all of us are equal in the eyes of God. All of us have responsibilities. Yes, individual responsibilities before God. And so under the inspiration of the Spirit, he admonishes not only wives, but husbands, not only slaves, but masters. And as you can see here, not only children, but parents. Last week, in looking at the relationship of marriage between a husband and a wife, we said that the only way to have a healthy and happy marriage is if, by the grace of God, a Christian wife submits to her husband and a Christian husband loves his wife. In the passage before us today, the Apostle Paul comes to us again and he says, the only way to have a healthy and happy parent-child relationship, the only way is if by the grace of God, a Christian child obeys his parents and his parents, especially the fathers, do not provoke their children. Children, obey your parents. Fathers, do not provoke your children. These are the two commandments that we're going to consider this together this morning. And my prayer is that the Lord will use this particular sermon to strengthen and to improve all of the parent-child relationships of this congregation, and by virtue of that, the overall health of this particular church. And so having said that, let's begin with the first command that Paul speaks of, verse 20. Children, he says, obey your parents. Now, the first thing I want to consider is the subject of the command, the subject of the command. Paul refers to children here. The question is this, however, what kind of children is Paul referring to? Is Paul referring to children in general? That's to say all of us who still have at least one living parent, no matter how old we are, or is he referring to children of a younger age, children who are still dependent on their parents for things such as food and clothing and shelter and education? It may sound like an easy question looking at the context, but it's actually a little difficult. You see the word that Paul uses here in the original language for children is much like our English word, children. It can refer to almost any age group. What's more is that households back then often had adults and even married adults living in them. That said, in light of what the whole of scripture teaches on the subjects of parental authority and child rearing, and I would even argue common sense, it's almost certain that Paul is referring here to children who are dependents. For instance, you'll recall from The passage comparable to this, we read it earlier, Ephesians six verses one through four, that after the apostle Paul urges children to obey their parents, he then requires the fathers to bring them up in the discipline and instruction And that language of bringing your children up and the discipline and instruction of the Lord, which does refer to dependent children, strongly suggests that we're dealing with the same children here in Colossians. Furthermore, don't we just know intuitively that once a child establishes his or her own independence in life, that that is actually when a parental authority stops? or at least should stop. Now, that is actually when the days of child rearing are over. I remember reading one time of a 35-year-old man who still lived at home with his parents. He was a healthy man. He was mentally stable, physically stable. He had a full-time job, but he still, for some reason, lived at home with his parents. Now, what's interesting all the more about the situation is his dad even had a curfew for him still. And what's even weirder is that whenever this 35 year old man broke curfew, his dad would give him a spanking. Paul's not talking about that kind of weirdness here in Colossians 3 20. He's not teaching that all children, regardless of their age, are subject to the authority of their parents. He's teaching that all children who are dependents. are subject to the authority of their parents. Those of you who are in college, you may be asking the question, am I in this group? Well, let me ask you, are you still dependent on your parents? Do you depend on them for food, for money, for shelter, for education? Most of you do. Those who do are still under the authority of their parents. Oftentimes, this will even go a little bit beyond college. A child will come home from college, live at home for several years, move out, eventually when he or she gets a full-time job. This is the group that Paul is talking about here when he refers to children. This is the subject of the command. Notice now what Paul commands these children to do. It's just one thing. Obey your parents. This is the substance of the command, the substance of the command. Now, obedience to parents is, of course, nothing new. It's all over the Bible. Here are some passages. Exodus chapter 20, verse 12. Exodus 21, verses 15 through 17. Leviticus chapter 20, verse 9. I would encourage you to look up that verse because that shows you what happens to a child who cursed his father and his mother in the Old Testament. He was killed. Proverbs chapter 1 verse 8, Proverbs chapter 6 verse 20, Matthew 15 verses 4 through 6, Ephesians 6 verses 1 to 3. We could go on and on. The question is, however, what does it mean to obey your parents? It's pretty straightforward, really. It means that you do whatever your parents tell you to do. Whatever. It means that you don't say no to your parents. You don't argue with your parents. You don't talk back to your parents. You're definitely not a smart aleck toward your parents. You don't roll your eyes at your parents. You don't mock your parents. You don't manipulate your parents. You don't intimidate your parents. You don't in any way threaten your parents. No, you honor your parents. You respect your parents. You revere your parents. You listen to your parents. You submit to your parents. You comply with your parents. Think of the example set for us by our Lord Jesus Christ. There's the occasion that's recorded for us in Luke chapter two. Right after Joseph and Mary find their son Jesus in the temple, he's 12 years old at the time. We're told in verse 51 of that chapter that Jesus went with them and was submissive to them. Think of it now, the holy, sinless son of God submitting himself to his sinful parents. That's an example. Of submission. There's also the instance when Jesus provides for his mother in the most honorable of ways. There our Savior was, he was nailed to the cross for our sins. And in the midst of enduring, experiencing the tortures of hell, he looks down upon his mother, doesn't he? And right by her side, he sees his beloved disciple John. And you remember what he said to his disciple. He said, behold. Your mother. And from that moment on, we're told that John took Mary into his home and he cared for her. Jesus honored his parents. And of course, there's the entire life of the Lord Jesus, which he lived in perfect obedience to his heavenly father. Jesus obeyed his heavenly father in everything, even when it came to dying for our sins on the cross. And you see, if you are a dependent child, then you too, like Jesus, are to do the very same things. You're to honor your parents. You're to submit to your parents. You are to obey your parents. And yes, you're to do so in literally everything. Look what John or look what Paul says here. He says, children, obey your parents in everything. Everything, children, is every thing. Now, of course, there is only one instance in which you as a child, you as a young person must disobey your parents. And that's if one of your parents commands you to do something that contradicts the word of God. You must be obedient to God always before man. I wouldn't expect I wouldn't I would hope that no parent in here would ever instruct his or her son to sin against the living God in some way, tell a lie for me, do this for me, whatever it is. But, children, other than that, other than that, literally everything, you are in obedience to give obedience to your mother and father. That's the substance of the command we're talking about here. What about the seriousness of the command? The seriousness of the command. I think oftentimes we think that obedience to parents or disobedience to parents, whatever it is, isn't too terribly serious. What does the Bible have to say about that? Turn with me to the book of Proverbs. I want you to see this with your own eyes. If you have your Bibles, Proverbs chapter 30. Proverbs chapter 30, I'll begin reading at verse 11. I will read through verse 17 and I will give a brief commentary along the way here. Children, young people, parents. Everyone else listen closely to what this. Inspired author writing this book of wisdom has to say with regard to obedience to parents and the seriousness of it. Proverbs chapter 30 verse 11. The author writes this, there are those who curse their fathers and do not bless their mothers. There are those who are clean in their own eyes, but are not washed of their filth. There are those, how lofty are their eyes, how high their eyelids lift. Now, what the author is saying here is that there are children, there are young people who think they have it all together. Right. They have all the answers, they think they're pretty hot stuff. And so instead of honoring their parents and listening to their parents instruction, they curse their parents and they reject their instruction. He continues, verse 14, there are those whose teeth are swords, whose fangs are knives to devour the poor from off the earth, the needy from among mankind. The leech has two daughters. Give and give. They cry. A leech, you see, has a couple of teeth. And it uses those teeth to sink into its host and latch on so that it can suck out as much blood as it can get. Maybe you had a leech attached to your foot, your leg, your stomach. Well, it sucked two teeth deep into your flesh and began to suck the blood out until it was full. What the author is telling us here is that this is what these children are like. They're like leeches. Instead of honoring and serving their parents, they dishonor their parents and they suck from their parents all that they can get. They look at their parents as pretty much objects just to be used and discarded. They're leeches. What ends up happening to these children? What ends up happening to these young people? Verse 17, the eye that mocks a father and scorns to obey a mother will be picked out by the ravens of the valley and eaten by the vultures. What do you think about that? Imagine it. swooping down upon a young person, clawing out his or her own eyes, and then eating them. Children, young people, I'm not saying watch out for the birds. What I'm asking you to do is remember this picture. Because that's a picture of what children who are characterized by being disrespectful and disobedient toward their parents deserve in the eyes of God. God hates disobedience to parents. We shouldn't be surprised then that in Romans chapter one, where the apostle Paul lists all of those terrible sins, adultery, homosexuality, hatred of God, that right in the midst of those sins, he lists disobedience to parents. Don't be surprised when you read disobedience to parents right alongside adultery. Second Timothy chapter three, verse two, where the Apostle Paul, he catalogs the evils of the last days. He lists disobedience to parents as being one of those evils. This is what God thinks about this particular command. This is how serious it is. God doesn't wink at a child's disobedience. God doesn't think that when a child disobeys that it's cute or funny, he hates it. Brothers and sisters, our Lord Jesus Christ had to be nailed to a cross and be scourged by his father in heaven for our child disobedience. That's the seriousness of the command. Finally, let's look at the stimulus for the command. The stimulus for the command, young people. Children, what is the ultimate motivation you have for obeying your parents? Notice what Paul says. He says, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Have you ever thought about that? Have you ever thought that your obedience to your mom, to your dad actually brings pleasure to the Lord? That in heaven, your heavenly father is delighted by your obedience to your parents, that he actually derives joy from it? Many of us have seen the movie Chariots of Fire. Where Eric Little, the Olympic sprinter, He explains to his sister that God made him for a purpose. And then you remember, if you've seen the movie, he goes on to say that when I run. I feel God's pleasure. He felt God's pleasure when he ran because he knew that God made him to run and young people. Children, you need to know those of you who are trusting in the Lord Jesus Christ. Those of you who belong to him by faith, those of you who are united to Christ and are his children, when you obey your parents, you are doing what God made you to do. That actually this particular portion of your life, when you are under the authority of your parents, that's your purpose. That's your purpose with respect to your parents. Did you know that the only command you'll ever find explicitly, expressly, positively stated with respect to the child and his parents is children obey your parents. You won't find children love your parents. You won't find that. You'll find children obey your parents. Of course, you're to love your parents. But this is the only command expressly given to you. And the Bible says this, that when you fulfill that purpose, when you obey your parents, your heavenly father is pleased with it. That's your motivation. Obeying parents is tough stuff. Not too long ago, I was in my own parents' home. I really wrestled with obeying my parents. I wish I would have considered this motivation more so when I was in my growing up years. that I would have looked to my heavenly Father, first and foremost, even before my earthly Father, for my motivation to obey my parents." Children, young people, whenever you're finding it incredibly difficult to obey your parents, remember that. Remember that. It makes obedience much easier. And so let's now turn to the other side of the relationship, the parental side. Verse 21, fathers, do not provoke your children. Now, what does it mean to provoke your child? It means to irritate them. Not because of some funny quirk, but because of how you treat them. You irritate them. You exasperate them, you nag them. Paul literally says, parents, fathers, stop nagging your kids. Stop irritating your kids. You may find it interesting here that the Apostle Paul only mentions fathers. He says, children, obey your parents, fathers. Do not provoke your children. Mothers, this is not a green light for you to provoke, to irritate, to nag. We know that mothers can do those things. The reason Paul, I think, mentions fathers here and not mothers is because fathers are the primary disciplinarians of the home and fathers have a greater tendency to provoke their children. Why should parents in general, fathers in particular, be careful not to provoke your children? Notice what Paul writes. Do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. Provocation leads to discouragement. It breaks your heart, breaks your children's heart. It breaks their spirits. It makes them want to disobey you. Instead of obey you. This week in my preparation, I came across a number of particular ways that parents can and do provoke their children. I'm not going to give you all those ways. I found 10 of them. These are not my own. They come from John MacArthur. He preached this a while back on these ways that parents can provoke their children. If you want to provoke your children, then do any one of these things. Number one, overprotection. If you want to provoke your child, overprotection. No trust, all rules. Never allow your kids any freedom. Draw the line so narrow that they soon feel that you don't believe in them. No matter what they do to earn trust, never lengthen the chain, ever. Of course, what happens when you do this is you encourage your children to give up and say, well, what's the difference anyway? My parents don't trust me when I obey them perfectly, so I'm going to go ahead and disobey them blatantly. You're setting yourself up for a very rebellious child is what you're doing. And so overprotection. Number two, favoritism. Favoritism. Make sure you always compare your child with the other children of the family. Make sure you always point out when one of the other children of the family do a better job than that child does. Always ask your children the question, why can't you be more like so-and-so? I humorously think about it sometimes. Think about the temptation that Joseph and Mary had. Why can't you be more like Jesus? Why can't you hit a baseball like Jesus? Jesus bats a thousand. Jesus has an ERA of 0.0. He's perfect. Probably the reason they didn't do that is because their children would have pointed their fingers right back and said, why can't you be more like Jesus? Favoritism. Kids are incredibly disheartened. If they ever get a sense that they're like a lemon on the assembly line. Number three, never demonstrate affection for them ever. Don't tell your children that you love them. Don't go out of your way to kiss your children, don't go out of your way to hug them, don't go out of your way to hold them, don't be physically affectionate toward your children in any way. If you do that, you will provoke your child. A fourth way, a lack of standards. Never give your children any rules. Let them be the boss. Don't tell them what they can and cannot do. Let them do exactly as they please. Now, the children are thinking, All right, I don't think that would lead to provocation. Children, you will be eventually led to become incredibly discouraged. You will get yourself into problems that you cannot cope with because you do not have the life experience and the maturity to deal with those problems. You can't handle that kind of freedom yet. That's why God puts you in a home. Under the authority of your parents. A fifth way. Criticism. Criticism. There's a well-known doctor and he writes this concerning criticism in a child's life. The child who lives with criticism. Does not learn responsibility. He learns only to condemn himself and find fault with other people. He learns to doubt his own judgment, disparage his own ability, distrust everybody. And above all, he learns to live with continual expectation of impending doom. That's no way to live. That's no way to live at all. Parents, do not provoke your children with criticism. Fathers, it's up to you to create a home in which it's positive. A loving, encouraging environment that is uplifting and building up, not tearing down. It's very easy to be critical. Especially when your own father was a critic of you. A heavy-handed one. A sixth way is neglect. Make sure you don't spend time with your children. Don't show them any interest. Treat them with indifference, ignore them. There's a classic example of this you may recall in the scriptures, Absalom. Absalom was a tragic young man who tried to kill his father, King David. And he's a classic example of a son who was neglected by his father. Seventhly, finally, Over discipline. Scream at them all the time. Lose your temper with them. Make sure you discipline them when you are angry, not when you're calm. Of course, when you do these things, you actually end up harming your child, not helping your child. Parents, fathers, we must make sure never to discipline our children when we are angry. These are just some practical things that those of us who are parents need to keep in mind so as not to provoke our children. Let me read to you now Psalm 127, just verses 3 through 5 for right now. We're actually going to sing this Psalm right after this sermon. Psalm 127, verses 3 to 5. Behold, the author says, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb, a reward. He goes on to say, like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them. Children are one of God's most spectacular blessings to our families, to this world, to our churches, And so parents and fathers, we mustn't ever provoke these blessings. We must make sure never to irritate our children, nag our children, exasperate our children and lead them to despair. No, instead, we must love our children. You must hold on tight to your children with cherishing love. And then you must bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. The question now must be asked, how do we do these things? Parents and fathers, where are you going to find the strength when the going gets tough? Your child has just disobeyed you. Where are you going to find the strength to not provoke them? Where are you going to find the power? To resist that temptation and love them instead of provoke them. Children and young people. Where are you going to find the strength to obey your parents? Out of love and respect and honoring to them, where are you going to find that kind of ability? Again, Psalm 127. Verse one this time. Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord builds the house, those who labor, labor in vain. Only by the grace of God can any of us do these things. Only by the strength of the Lord can any of us do these things. And here's the wonderful news. Here's the gospel here. All those who belong to the Lord Jesus Christ by faith belong to the one and whom all of the grace and strength of the Lord resides. Don't you remember? You died with Christ, remember? The power that your sin had over you when you were lost or unregenerate has been broken. And you've been raised with Christ, remember. That same resurrection power that lifted the body of the Lord Jesus Christ from the tomb, that kind of power is residing in you, believer. And so fathers, parents, Will you not look in faith to the Lord Jesus Christ? Look in faith to the Lord Jesus Christ. He will give you all of the grace and the strength that you need to not provoke your child. He will give you all of the wisdom you need to raise your children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And children and young people, the same thing applies to you. Those of you who are trusting in Christ, will you not continue to look to this one for your grace and strength to obey your parents? Your heavenly father is so pleased when you obey and your heavenly father loves to give you grace to obey your parents. Brothers and sisters, my prayer is that the Lord. The Lord, who is absolutely sufficient. would cause us to continue to seek His face and live all for His glory in the world, in the church, and in our homes. Some of you may be here sitting and thinking to yourself, I don't know the Lord. I don't know this Jesus who you're talking about. I've heard a lot about Him, but I do not know Him personally as my Savior. Let me urge you here and now to look to him in faith. The Bible says that if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, that he will save you. That you will go from being an enemy of God to a friend of God, a child of God, a son of God, a daughter of God. And so run to the Lord Jesus Christ. He will receive you with open arms. Let's pray. Gracious Father, we thank you so very much for not leaving us to ourselves when it comes to parenting and when it comes to how to look and view and treat our parents. Father, you love us enough to tell us, children, obey your parents, for this pleases me. Fathers, parents, do not provoke your children unless your children become discouraged. Oh, God, we ask that you would give us the mercy and the grace that we need in order to obey your perfect commandments, your life-giving commandments. We ask these things in and through your Son, the Lord Jesus. Amen.