Well, while I was at the Shepherds Conference, there were a lot of thoughts that came into my head and I tried to write many of them down. A lot of thoughts about leadership, a lot of thoughts about direction of the church. But as I was listening and thinking, God's Spirit just kept pushing me towards the issue of leadership in the home. Leadership in the home. Because I know that that is where leadership is first taught. It is God's training ground for leadership. And it is a place that in our society, men don't have good role models. When they look around, look at their, in many cases, their fathers or grandparents, most folks say they didn't really see the previous generation doing what the Bible is calling us to do. And so the role models have not been that great. It's been sad to see that, sad to witness that, but it's also, I know, important for our men to be taught and to be given the how-tos to know this is what God really wants in the home. And when you do this in the home, then you prepare your heart for leadership in the church. There are many that know a lot about the Bible, but they're not ready to lead in the church because they haven't led properly yet in the home. They haven't been proven yet in the home. And so this is the battleground. This is the area. This is the place to learn and to grow. And I want to give something that will not just be a challenge. I know it'll be a challenge to the men, but I hope it will give some direction as well. It won't just leave you with me pounding on your chest, but it'll give you something to work on, some things that you can actually put into practice. Unfortunately, we've seen too many people act like they're teachable, men that act like they're teachable, but then when there are things to come out to teach and disciple, they don't. And that says a lot. Their actions speak louder than their words. And so sometimes those men end up leaving the church, complaining the church is too demanding, or this or that. And I just don't listen to that because I know what Christ has taught, what Christ has said. And so if you are a man here today, this message is for you. If you are a woman here, I think you'll get something out of it, too. If you're married or unmarried, I think God still has something to say to you. If you're concerned about marriages or encourage marriages, there should be something here for you as well. The text is just one verse. It's 1 Peter 3, if you'd open there, and verse 7. I'm only going to give a little bit of background about the letter of 1 Peter, because I want to dive into some of the teaching there. It's one verse. It's a controversial verse, but it's a very helpful verse. And I want to read it, and then we'll give some thought about it. 1 Peter 3.7, You husbands, In the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman. And show her honor as a fellow-heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be in vain. Now, there's the verse. Much of 1 Peter revolves around the theme of suffering for the sake of godliness. Peter wrote this first epistle to a wide swath of believers over a large geographical area, and he takes the first chapter and he says, Here's the great salvation that you have. Rejoice in it. There's a greater visible expression of your salvation coming in the end times. Wait for it and put your hope there. In the meantime, you're going to have to suffer some. And as you suffer, I want you to go ahead and be submissive to the authorities that are there because they're God-ordained. I want you to trust God in the midst of that. I want you to work really hard on your behavior so in any way The Christian communities are slandered. As they look at your good behavior, they will be put to shame for slandering the Christian community." And that really sums up the theme or the message that Peter the Apostle wrote to these churches. It's a blessing that the Holy Spirit had this preserved and put into Scripture for us so that we can have it and receive some instruction from it ourselves. In chapter 3, Peter addresses both the godly role of the wives, and we read that during our scripture reading, in verses 1-6. Much more for you to work on, right ladies? Verses 1-6, and the men only have one verse, verse 7, so there you go. But husbands do have a holy calling to love their wives. We have a responsibility to grant our wives honor as fellow heirs of the kingdom of Christ. That comes through very clearly, I think, in the verse. Really here, what we need to do is to heed two holy instructions. That's our outline today. We're going to heed, or we need to heed, two holy instructions to husbands. First, what a husband should do, and that's where we're going to spend the bulk of our time. And then second, why he should do it. What a husband should do and why he should do it, that's all here in this one verse. First part of the verse again, first, what a husband should do. Let's just read that again. You husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman, and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life. That's what you should do. It's really two things. Live with your wives in an understanding manner and grant them honor. Some of the translations don't bring out that too clearly, but in Greek there are two parallel present active participles joined by the connective and. And the idea is be living with them in understanding and be showing them or granting them honor. That's your responsibility, sums up what a husband should do really in just a few words. But I'd like you to take a step back and I'd like you to think about what Peter did not say the responsibility of a husband is. First, notice the husband is not told to submit to his wife. Do you read that? Do you see that? Because a lot of people just say, hmm, that's what a husband should do. That is not what Peter said. That's very significant because there's an adverb, the likewise that is there, and it connects verse 7 backward to the discussion about the wives. Look back to verse 1 if you would a minute. It says, you wives be what? Be subject or be submissive to your own husbands. Not to every man, but to your own husbands. Then you jump to verse 7 and it says, likewise husbands. So wives are addressed and then likewise husbands are addressed. And you might expect Peter to write, be submissive to your own wives, but he doesn't write that. He writes, live with your wives in an understanding way. That is a significant change. See, everyone else who has been addressed since chapter 2, verse 13, was told to do exactly the same thing. Submit. Submit. Be in subjection. But Peter breaks from that exhortative pattern right here and says, give her understanding, not give her submission. Why? Because her husband is not under the authority of her wife. He is not. The word submission, by the way, hupotasso, means to be placed under the authority of someone else so as to obey what they say. It really is a synonym for obedience. That's what it has meant throughout the whole passage. Be obedient to the governing authorities. It doesn't just say cooperate with them. It says when they tell you what to do, they're an authority over you. Do it. Perform what they say. Servants, be obedient to your masters. This doesn't say if you like what they say to you, go ahead and do it. No, you like it or don't like it. They're reasonable or not reasonable. Be obedient. Be subject. Likewise, wives, be obedient to your own husbands. Verse 6, Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. Submission is not merely an attitude of cooperation because you like the leadership. That is not submission. It is not a willingness just to die to one's own wants. It refers to real acts of obedience under the authority of somebody else. Do you know that originally submission was a military term and it meant to rank somebody underneath the authority of someone else? It's pretty clear what it means. You're ranked as a subordinate under the higher authority of somebody else. And so God, in the Word of God, only commands us to submit, listen, to God-ordained authority. He doesn't tell us to submit to others. He says, submit and obey the authorities that I, God who is over all the world, as we just sung, have established. God never tells us to be submissive to authorities He has not established. And a wife does not have a God-ordained authority over her husband, except when it comes to the body. When it comes to the body, 1 Corinthians chapter 7 says, Husband, you have absolutely no right to withhold your body from her. She has authority over your body. And that's the one place she has authority in the physical relationship. Now, if we were to expand this a little bit, that is exactly why in Ephesians chapter 5, verses 22 through 25, wives again, this time the Apostle Paul is teaching, are told to submit and husbands are commanded to love. They are commanded to love whether or not the wife submits and whether or not they feel like it or not. You following me? Love, then, is obviously not the same thing as submission. A person could love somebody else without submitting to them, and somebody could submit to somebody else without loving them. Well, then why is that little word, that adverb, likewise, stuck in verse 7 for the husbands? Because in the case of the husband, what is like the previous groups is not that they have the same duty, but that they have a duty in that relationship. Wives have their duty in marriage, that is to submit and to honor, and husbands likewise have their duty in the relationship, and that is to love and to honor. Brothers out there, brothers, it is very, very important that you hear this message for your own heart. Please look at it. Let's look at it closely. 1 Peter says, live with your wives in an understanding way. Do you see that? That Greek verb that's translated live with, sun oikeo, means to dwell together with, to cohabit, to live in bond with another. It refers to living together physically and making a home together, which includes but is not limited to the physical union. It is assumed, of course, that if the two are married, they are to be living together. That's automatic, right? You're married, you live together. They dwell in the same house, they eat the same meals, they share the same bed, right? Married people are married. That's a bond that is formed. They are to act that way. That's assumed here. Conversely, if I can step out of the verse, but take the truth of that verse to another issue, if you are not married, you are not to be living together. If you are living together and you're not married, the Bible has a name for that, it's called sin, and it's the specific sin of fornication, and it says in the Word of God, Hebrews chapter 13, verse 4, that fornicators and adulterers, God will judge. It's a sin to do that. It's rightly so, because where people are not willing to commit to each other in the bond of marriage, where they refuse lifelong loyalty and faithfulness to one another, there obviously is a major deficiency in whatever they are calling love in that relationship. There should be no sharing of the bed, no pretending one is married when one is not married. God doesn't look favorably upon that. For all of the world's talk about sex, by the way, like they got the corner on the market or something like that, like they understand what sex is, they surely miss the whole boat of what sex was designed to do and what it is, and how it is to be enjoyed. Ever think about that? There's such irony in that. Sex is for sealing and enjoying a lifelong bond in marriage. It's between one man and one woman. It's the only way it can be done. There physically really is no such thing as homosexual marriage. They talk about it and they can make a law about it. It doesn't exist. It's non-existence. It's a fairy tale. The husband, though, who is dwelling together with his wife as he ought to be, should be living with his wife in a mild and understanding way. Literally, what Peter writes here is that the husband should live with their wives according to knowledge. King James translates it that way. Kata gnosana, according to knowledge. In other words, the husband's actions in the marriage toward his wife should be, listen, governed by real knowledge and understanding. Some of the wives are starting to get a little bit excited out there. Maybe they can listen and understand me better, you're thinking. Well, the knowledge that's being talked about in this context is not speaking about theology in general, knowledge of Christ, knowledge of the gospel. It's talking in this context about knowledge about who? About her, right? Live with her according to knowledge. Live with her, that's why it's translated in an understanding way. Ah, yes. It's not just that you have knowledge, it's that you know her, you understand her. You see that? And this knowledge is not merely talking about physical intimacy. It includes that, but it's going beyond that. It includes knowing her, knowing her needs, knowing her limits, knowing her weaknesses. Husbands know her and take that understanding into consideration in the way that you live with her. That's what Peter's saying. Specifically, as with a weaker vessel. That's the literal way that it's translated. I don't like the way the NAS and its update has gone with that. The old way was, as with a weaker vessel, and I'll tell you why I think that's the better translation. And the other translations, the King James, NIV, and some others, they have some different connections with that little phrase there, as with a weaker vessel, they connect it in different places. The King James says giving honor unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel, so they connect that differently. The NIV says treating them with respect as the weaker partner. I don't think that's correct. I think the NAS is the better connection, because it brings out, in that verse, there's a balance and a symmetry in the Greek, and I think the NAS is the one that brings that out. Each Greek verb is followed by its own little AS clause, and it looks like Peter meant that, it's just designed in a symmetry. Just listen to the symmetry in a straightforward, literal reading of the text. Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, and then, grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life." That parallelism is clearly intended in the Greek and I think it's lost by some of the other translations. So it's referring to a husband's real knowledge of his wife as a weaker Vessel, and as soon as we say that, we step into controversy, don't we? There it is. There's the controversy people wish. Some people are embarrassed about the Bible when it says certain things. I'm not. I think that every word of God is tried and true and is pure gold, and it's there to instruct us, and I believe this is good, and I think there's something to teach us here. I know that the eyebrows in a feminist age always raise right about now, but let's hear what God says. God doesn't... He's not running a popularity contest. He teaches us truth. Let's listen. Actually, there are some people that do not like the way this is translated by any of the translations. They don't like it. They don't agree with it. They don't think that the verse means the wife is weaker in any sense at all. They say this verse only tells the husband to treat her as if she were a weaker vessel, not that she is, you see. And they take the word weaker, by the way, to mean something more like fragile and delicate. Husbands, you are to treat your wives as if they are a delicate, beautiful little china dish, expensive vessel used in the home, handled with care." That's a very creative interpretation. It's certainly dainty. Nothing wrong, of course, with that view of a wife. But the word weaker means weaker. That's what it means. It doesn't mean delicate. It doesn't mean beautiful. It means without strength. It means weak. In many contexts, it means that you're weak to the point of being sick. And that interpretation also misses the point of the very next phrase, as with a weaker vessel since she is a woman, see? The woman is being defined here as the weaker vessel of the two. Weaker is a comparative term. The man is stronger, the woman is weaker. That's the point. It's pretty straightforward. Besides, that sort of makes the exhortation to the men meaningless, because if she isn't actually weaker in some way, then there's no point telling the husbands to be understanding about that. It's also very inconsistent in the context, since the second of the two as clauses there clearly is meant to indicate that she is a joint heir, not treat her as if she's a joint heir. It's not as if she's a joint heir. She is a joint heir. And that's why you're to treat her that way. So she is weaker, and she is a joint heir is the point. Well, others go another way in interpreting this, and they say, you know what her weakness is? Her weakness is, and here at least they accept the fact that the word means weakness, but they say her weakness is her submission. Because she's submitted, because she's under the authority of her husband in that position, she's vulnerable, and that is weak. That's how some interpret this. But that's not going to work either in the context because the whole point of this entire book in 1 Peter and much of the chapters here in chapter 2 and 3 and even in the chapter 4 and a bit in the chapter 5 is that submission is a wonderful thing, not a weak thing. It's a declaration of strength. It is a position of strength. Even Jesus Christ himself is described as submissive to the Father and in that role of submission glorified the Father. Submission is not a weakness. And ladies never think of submission as a weakness. So the weakness is referring to something else, and I believe it's referring to her as a vessel, and I believe that term vessel is referring to her body. Her body, her physical body, that's the literal translation. The updated NAS, I don't think should have changed that translation. Peter does not write that women are weaker people, or weaker period, or weaker in this way or that way, but they are weaker vessels. vessels, skuos, vessels, pots, jars. It's used that way literally in John 19.29. When it is applied to people, it refers to them and their physical existence in this world, their bodies. Romans 9.21 says the human vessel was fashioned by the creator, by the divine potter, and he uses it either for special use or for common use. That refers to the whole human being, but emphasizes the physical structure of the human body. So also in 2 Corinthians chapter 4 and verse 7, a very useful verse for understanding this verse, Paul uses the term vessel to refer to the body itself. He says we have God's treasure in earthen vessels and he's referring to Christ inside of us, in our bodies, living in our bodies through the presence of God's Spirit. of the two human creatures that were made by God on day six of creation, the male and the female. The female was made by God, the weaker and the smaller of the two. That's what God did. God designed it that way. And by the way, that is still an observable fact. All you have to do is look at every culture and every time period and there it is a fact. There may be an exception here or there, but that is exactly what it is. It is an exception. The vast majority of cultures and societies, men were bigger and stronger and usually could do whatever they wanted to do to women and thus even the world acknowledges that today with a global movement of women's rights. There's no global movement of men's rights. Men would often dominate women physically in the world, in culture. This would lead to abuse. This would lead to demeaning them. This would lead to thinking of them as second-class citizens, as not being as important. The ancient Roman and Greek men very clearly looked down upon women. They easily could abuse their wives physically and not even have legal repercussions. They could abuse them sexually. They could dance around and do whatever they wanted sexually, but a wife wasn't permitted. Roman and Greek citizens looked way down upon women. They really did believe they were inferior. The Jews were no better. There was even a prayer where a Jewish man would stand and pray, thank God you didn't make me a woman. You know, despite Hollywood's infatuation with creating women these days, who could beat up any man that comes at her? It may be true of a very, very few, but the norm is that men are larger, and they're stronger, and they're more aggressive, and they often are dangerous to women. I know in some marriages there are exceptions, but that's what they are. They're exceptions. So by using the term vessel, Peter indicates that he's not referring to a woman being weaker mentally. or not referring to a woman being weaker morally. That's not what he's talking about. He's not saying they have a weaker conscience or their emotions are weaker. Their emotions may be displayed differently, but that doesn't mean they're weaker. Nor is Peter saying a woman is more vulnerable to temptation. Look how many bad movements and false teachers and all that have been started by men, right? Men are deceived too. The previous verses have just called men and women to take great stands for God, even suffering physically. I was reading in Eusebius's Ecclesiastical History about a young lady named Blandina who in what is now France was tortured and tortured and thrown to the wild animals and burned and cut and blistered and beaten for days on end. And her strength as a young lady just strengthened all of the others that are observing this kind of abuse thrown at her. What strength and courage that young lady had in the faith to take a stand for Jesus Christ. Far goes beyond mine, I can say that. What a wonderful woman of God, greatly rewarded by God now because she confessed Christ to the end. And all she had to do was deny Christ to avoid the suffering. So there's a lot of stamina from women, a lot of courage from women, a lot of spiritual maturity from women. Sometimes the women understand things faster than the men around here. Praise God for that, that they see and understand truth. In fact, Peter further clarifies what he means when he writes, as a weaker vessel, and this is what he adds there, look at it, since she is a woman. That term woman translates a rarer word. It's not the typical word for woman, gune. It is gunakeo. Really what this means is something like what we'd say woman-like or female. It's a word that stresses the feminine aspect of the woman, since she is softer, since she is female. So Paul is referencing the physical weakness inherent in the female form of the body all the way from creation. Her body and her being was derived from the male. We read about that not in Genesis 1 but in Genesis 2. How did God create male and female? The male was created first and then the female was derived and drawn from the male, from his rib particularly, right? And the Lord God fashioned from the rib a woman and brought that woman to the man and she fit right underneath him, right there, a little shorter, a little smaller, to be Adam's support, to be Adam's helper. And of course he was thrilled, perfectly designed by God just to tuck right under his arm. That's what a female is and that's a good, that's a good thing. But here's the point. The husband better recognize that. The husband better recognize her as a gift from God and treat her with love and with understanding and not take advantage of his larger body and his position. Don't bully her. Don't threaten her. Don't intimidate her. Don't you ever raise a fist at her or a hand to slap her. Don't you stare her down. Don't you push her around. Don't you treat her like a servant of yours. You never do that. That is not godly manhood. That is not godly. Here's where we start tying this into godly leadership in the home, brothers. As a good leader in the home, be mindful of her needs. Remember her physical limitations. Understand who she is. Watch over her. You are her protector. Don't become a danger to her. This fits, of course, just perfectly with the greater teaching of Scripture to husbands. I'll just remind us, Ephesians 5, 25, you know it, probably haven't memorized, husbands what? Love your wives. How? As Christ loved the church and what? Gave himself up for her. Oh, that's hard. That's hard. That's sacrifice. That's her first, not me first. I remember we were married in a liberal Methodist church, You know, Sue put in the vows just 30 years ago, promised to obey Tom. And all the liberal ladies in the congregation just started wiggling all over the place. Did you hear that? Obey? Obey? What an archaic term. And my mom's response at that time to some of the ladies was, well, did you hear what Tom had to pledge? To love Christ, to love Sue the way Christ loves the church. Haven't done that yet. Still working on that. That's harder. That's a lot harder. He who loves his own wife loves himself, Ephesians 5, verse 29, for no one ever hated his own flesh. What a foolish thing to do to hate your own flesh, right? But what nourishes and cherishes his own flesh, just as Christ does the church. Listen, Peter in no way is curbing the man's desire to be strong and to lead. Men are to lead. Men are to be men. Men are to be masculine, and God designed that to lead. He's just commanding us to do it with tenderness, to do it with understanding, without exploitation, without neglect, without abuse. Your wife, brothers, is a trust from God. No, she's more than that. She's a gift from God. You may not feel like that every day, but she is a gift from God. She's been given by God to you to bless you. Yes, she has problems. There's no perfect wife. Sometimes they talk too much, brothers. Sometimes they don't honor us right. Sometimes they don't listen. Sometimes they're problems. They don't carry out what your desire is in the home. But they are still your wife, and you are to love them. No matter how she acts, wise or foolish, she is to be greatly loved and cherished. And you know something else? She needs to feel that. Don't you ever say to me, I'm loving my wife. I want to hear the wife say, my husband is loving me. When a wife can say, yes, my husband is loving me, then I know the husband is loving the wife. Not when the husband's like, I provide for her. I do this for her. And I do that for her. I love her. Does she feel the love? Does she know the love? Is it consistent? Do you nourish and cherish her? The husband is to delight in her. This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. What does that sound like to you when Adam received Eve, right? This is the one. This is a treasured possession here. I love her. Of course, this has so many applications. How about this? Don't be a selfish brute in bed. Do I need to say more? Learn to be gentle. Learn to be thoughtful. Mark it down. You lead your home best by gentleness. Spiritual leadership does not mean you're a theological talking head. I used to do that all the time with Sue, sit her down for like three and a half hours. She got to listen to everything that I've learned. And she's like falling asleep. You're not spiritual. Stay awake, woman. Had to learn gentleness. She loves her bedtime. Let her go to bed. Let her go to bed. Examine your habits. Do you lounge in the hammock while she's mowing the yard? Okay, maybe not that. Are you watching sports or doing gaming or browsing the internet while she's finishing the business and doing the chores? Ah, yes. Put down the electronics. Go spend some time with her. Get to know her better. Show interest in her and her friends and her topics. Live with her according to knowledge. Be mindful of her need. Be mindful of her safety. Nourish and cherish her. How about that? She has a need, whether she realizes it or not, to connect with the Word of God. Make sure she's here in church. Make sure when there's a women's breakfast she's there, not at home serving you. She should be out of the women's breakfast or women's discipleship time. She has a need, whether she knows it or not, to be connecting with the other ladies, listening to the older ladies, learning from the other ladies. Be mindful of her need to have good communication with you. Some of you are fine with three or four word conversation. Men, she's usually not. She wants a little more. How was your day, dear? It was good. It was good. What happened, dear? Well, I worked. Boss was a pain again. Talk to her. Help her to understand a little more. Be approachable, too. Your wife and your children should not be afraid of you. They should not be afraid to come and say, I don't like this about the family. I don't want to do this. They should be able to come to you and talk to you, not clam up or resort to some other means in communication rather than talking directly to you. Your leadership should be gentle. It should be kind. It should be reasonable. Sure, you've made what you believe to be reasonable rules for your home, but listen to the wife Listen to her input. Be mindful of her need for time alone. You ever think that she needs to get away from the home, away from the kids, away from the chores, and just get some time away? Or maybe be all alone at home and not be bothered, too. Be mindful of that. She might need a time to pray and meditate without being interrupted, without being called, without being texted. You want to be the man in the house? So be the man in the house. Let love be how you rule the house. Most of the family men on these sitcoms, I don't even watch them anymore because they're just moral buffoons, aren't they? They're just idiots. They're reprobates. Little knowledge to guide them. Sensual clowns. That's all they are. Don't model that. Be a true man. Stand up and do what you need to do for your family. Don't act feminine. But don't expect your wife to be your slave either. You rather be her strong servant, the man she can rely on. You toughen up. You take the weight. You get help from the other men and learn to be that way. And do the little things. Carry the groceries. Fix the things around the house. Chop the wood. Move the furniture. Yes, make decisions by faith in God. Be dedicated to the work of the Lord. Make sacrifices for God's work. Stand up for Christ in public and be ridiculed. That's what it means to be a leader. Now look at Peter's second exhortation here, his second exhortation. It says, "...and grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life." This is so beautiful. Peter, of course, is addressing a couple here where both are saved. Back in chapter 3, verse 1, he addresses a situation where the wife is saved and the husband is not, tells the wife, don't become the husband's teacher, live Christianity in front of him, pray for him, and trust when God will change him. You can't nag him. You can't do that when you're saved and he's not. Here you have two who are saved, and he's addressing a saved couple, and he says, The saved wife should be looked upon as fully worthy of respect and esteem. She also is a fellow heir of the grace of life. The grace of life is a little phrase. It means the grace that brings or the grace that bestows that blessed eternal life that we have. God's grace has brought to you as a believing man, life. Is that true? Well, God's grace has brought to your believing wife the exact same life. Is that also true? So with the same life, you've inherited the same things and will receive the same honor by Christ, you see. In fact, when you read back through 1 Peter, you realize in chapter 1 it talks about all believers, male and female, have been given a new life. We've been born again through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. And then it says we have an inheritance which is imperishable and undefiled and reserved in heaven for us. That's for females too. That's for the believing wife also, you see. And so they get all of that. It doesn't matter that they're submissive. Submission has to do with their role, a role in which they can glorify God. They are to do that role. That role shows the feminine aspect that God wanted revealed in creating man in His image, male and female, and it is a way that glorifies and honors God. But that doesn't make her less. That doesn't mean she's going to inherit less. Listen, the members of God's Holy Trinity have different roles, and yet they're equal. The members in the Church, the body of Christ, have different roles, yet we're all equal. And so it is true, in the marriage they have different roles, but we are equal. Equal. Believing wives are not second-class citizens in God's kingdom. They are called something here in this verse. What are they called? They're called joint heirs. Heirs together with, the word means, sun claranimous. Heirs jointly together with, co-sharers, fellow inheritors. That's the point. All of this points to the end times. There's gonna come an end time when Jesus Christ is gonna come back and he's gonna have his rewards with him and he's gonna dish out his rewards. And we're told to look to the future and our hope is in the future. And when Jesus Christ comes back, He's not gonna line up male on one side and female on the other side and say, you know, you're the men that stood with me, here are your rewards. Okay, we got a few females, come on in, don't worry about that. That's not how Jesus is gonna be. Jesus is gonna honor the females the same way he honors the males. And when he honors her that way, when Jesus, your Lord and Savior, honors your wife that way, how ashamed are you gonna be when you spend all of your life not honoring her equal with yourself? You understand that? Do you know how ashamed you are gonna feel? that you did not honor her as Christ himself is going to honor her. Picture that day, brothers, picture that day when Jesus Christ honors your wife and you give her that, you give her that same honor. You treat her that way. You remember Proverbs 31, it talks about the woman gets praised by her husband because of all the things that she does. Brothers, find something that your wife has done and praise her for it. As a mommy, as a wife, something, do it and do it regularly. Praise her. You know, when we men get together, there ought not to be any griping about the wife. And I'm really grateful for the men. I think for the most part, when the men come and gather, at least on Friday mornings, as I've heard it, there's not been griping. There's been an earnestness. at least on the part of those men, to say, I want to grow, I want to know how to lead my home well. I'm glad to see that that shows maturity and growth, that shows you're pliable and teachable. It's good to see. But there shouldn't be any griping about a wife. We should be sharing how wonderful she is, what she means to you. Please watch your tone when you speak about your wife, too. When you speak about your wife in front of your children, when you speak to your wife in front of your children, Another way to grant her honor is don't smother her with your authority. A lot of men say, well, I'm the one in authority. And I'm the one in authority and this is the way it's going to be. And I don't want you doing this or that. I want you here doing this and this for me. You see? And I don't want that other man talking. What are you doing talking to that other man? No one talks to you except it comes through me. You see? And act like that's love and like that's authority. And that's just smothering her. And that's not honoring her. It's not trusting her. It's treating her like she's a child. Shouldn't be any of that. Don't hover over and act like she can't learn anything unless it first comes through you. That's owning her in a possessive and selfish sense. That's not honoring her. Let her learn everything she wants to learn about God. Don't hold her back. Yes, even more, take time to be her teacher now. Teach her. That's your role. Teach her the Word of God. Don't hold back. Let her learn from the older ladies, as I said, in the church. Encourage her to be part of the life of the church. She has a spiritual gift, let her use it. And listen to her. When she wants to share something important, she might start talking kind of quietly. It might not seem like much. Your mind might be in the news or the sports. Shake yourself out of it. Pull your head over there. Square your shoulders. Put a smile on your face and say, honey, what did you want to share? I want to listen. Try that. What you are saying to me is important. I know it didn't seem like it a minute ago, but it is. It's important to me. And how about this idea? You're not going to like this. Let her pick the vacation spot next. Really? Yeah, really. Let her pick the restaurant that you go out to. Sometimes with Sue, I'm like, honey, do you really want to go to that restaurant? Look at this one here. It's got a greater deal and everything. You know what's going on there, right? Let her pick the movie. Oh, that's hard. That's hard. Let her pick the friends to have over. Enjoy her friends some. She enjoys yours. You know, men used to hold doors open for women. I hope that still goes on here at the church. They used to drive women places. They used to change tire form when it was flat. Not because women couldn't do it, but because men wanted to what? Honor women. Honor them. We need to see more of that. And please remember when you look at porn men, you have dishonored your wife. And maybe you feel it's a weakness. It's a weakness, and you're hurting from it. You're suffering from it. I understand that, but you're also dishonoring your wife. Remember that. It hurts her, too. And it entraps you. It does nobody any good. By no means demean her or put her down or treat her like a child. Don't correct her in front of the children. Ah, that's not the family rules there, you know. She's not your nanny. She's not your employee. She's not your kid sister. She's not your pet. She's not your play toy. She is your wife. And she is a joint heir with Christ. So treat her that way. Amen? Grant her honor. Because if you don't, if you choose not to, choose to ignore this. There's a warning at the end of the verse. Do you see it? This is the reason husbands should do this, so that your prayers may not be hindered. The your there means the husbands. It's not the husbands and the wives being addressed here. It's the husbands being addressed. This concluding phrase serves as both a warning and, if you think of it rightly, as an encouragement. As an encouragement, your prayer life may continue on unhindered, uncut off, free and flowing towards God if you treat your wife with equal status and kindness and gentleness. But if you choose to devalue your wife, treat yourself better than her, be harsh with her, then you cannot expect God to give ear to your prayers. Why? Because God gives ear to the prayers of the righteous, and that, brothers, is not righteous behavior. See, we men are under authority also. Whose authority are we under? Christ's, right? And Christ is under the authority of God the Father. So how we treat those under our authority will determine how we are treated by the one above us in authority. Do you see that? God views you as the leader of your home, right? So the home then will suffer if he is displeased with your lack of gentleness, your lack of patience, your lack of attentiveness to needs, your lack of love and tenderness. Peter, of course, is assuming that all Christian men are praying. That's not even stated. You're praying, but your prayers are going to be hindered, is the warning. Prayer is a vital part of the Christian's life. We depend on prayer the way we depend on breathing. Cut off breathing, and that's a problem, right? Cut off prayers, and that's a huge problem. Spiritually, how do we grow? How do we be full of the Spirit? How do we get guidance from God? How do we solve problems? How do we have our prayers answered for our children's sake? No, it is sin in the home. Where? With me. With me. I got to fix that. I got to repent of that. I got to turn from that. I got to make me the issue. I got to deal with me and my sin first. See? And then God's going to start answering the prayers again. Then God's going to start working. Then God's going to give you that guidance that you want. Then those prayers you've been praying for this and for that, for your needs at work, then you're going to begin to see the prayers work. You see, sometimes we have trials because God's just going to give us trials and we're going to grow through them. And sometimes we have trials because we bring the trials upon ourselves. And this is one of them. And we don't think so. You know, we're just going to go out, we're going to live our life, whatever. We come home, yell at the wife a little, forgot that we yelled at her, no big deal. And then we want to know, why is the life with Christ and the joy with Christ not working really well? Did you remember how you spoke to your wife? Remember that? Remember how you spoke to her? What? That wasn't bad. That wasn't bad. That was just a couple words. Well, God has a different opinion. Man, God has a different opinion. To be hindered could actually mean to be cut off. It was also a military term. At times it was used to throw obstacles in the way of something or to cut up the road, break it up, so military transportation was held back, thwart the enemy's attempts at movement. 1 Thessalonians 2.18 says, Paul said, I wanted to come to you more than once yet Satan thwarted us. That's the idea, thwarted, hindered, cut off, held back. There goes your prayer out of your mouth, husbands. There it goes. But it's like it's an airplane with ice on the wings. It can't rise. It can't go anywhere. It's grounded. It's not rising up to heaven. Why not? Because you've been neglecting your wife. You've been treating her like she's just there for you. She's just there for you. That's not how it's supposed to be. You know, we men need a lot of training and a lot of messages about living as leaders in the home. I know it's hard to be a man, a man of God in this day and time. It's a hard, hard thing. But sometimes we make it a lot harder for ourselves. And so if you look at this message properly, you'll look on it as, wow, this is going to be so helpful to me. If I will just improve the way I treat my wife, God will be at work in my life more. And he'll teach me things about leadership more. And maybe when I'm leading that Bible study or trying to disciple somebody or I'm trying to do this or that, just maybe that gentle, patient kindness will come out of me and I'll understand what it means to be a leader in God's church better. and maybe God will use me on this committee, or He'll use me as a Sunday school teacher, or He'll use me with the youth, or something like that. And then you can begin to see how God is using these very conflicts that you're having at home, these very troubles that you're having at home, to begin to build in you the kind of leadership that He wants to see in your life. But if you respond poorly, with anger, with whining, with boastful assertiveness in the home, then don't expect God to be listening to your prayers and blessing you from that. Colossians 3.19 urges husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. Sometimes the harshness comes because you're already embittered against your wife because of her shortcomings. Well, you need to forgive and you need to lead, you need to lead the way in what reconciliation and forgiveness is in the home. I get it and I know and I understand. There are some women who will not follow God no matter what you do. Well, you just went through a church discipline with a woman who would not respond to anybody in the church. I understand that. I get that. But most of the time, not all the time, but most of the time, when the husband's heart is right with God, God will work powerfully in the life of his wife as well. Because God views you as the leader of the home. So this is the way to bring the blessing of God into your home, men. This is it. And this is the way to learn leadership. And this is the way to prepare for the future of how God wants to use you as well. Over the last year or so, there have been a few men left the church And with something like, oh, this church just requires so much of people. It's just all this training, all this hoops to jump through, and this and that. I've never heard a man who really wanted to grow in Christ say those words. I've never heard a man who really wanted to pick up his cross and follow after Christ say those words. I've never heard a man who loved God with all of his heart, soul, mind, and strength say those words. Those usually come from men who are lazy, and men who have something to hide, and they think way too highly of their own spirituality, and they're not willing to be discipled, and willing to be molded, and willing to be held accountable. They're a cut above, I guess, you see, and they don't need the rest of us. I hope that's not you. Your wife may be yearning for you to receive the kind of training and the kind of discipleship and accountability and urging and teaching that you so desperately need for your home. I pray God speaks to your heart about it. I'm going to go to prayer now. I'd like you to bow your heads and pray. We're going to pray and then I'll turn it over to Pastor Tony and Sean for our baptism portion. Pray with me. Father, we are grateful for the challenges in your word. We're so grateful for the Christian homes here at Hope Bible Church, and we earnestly, as we do every week, pray your blessing upon our Christian homes. And particularly today, as we focused in Your Word, Lord, and heard Your Word, that You'll help the husbands, the fathers, to be so teachable, not to be feminine, but to be so pliable before You, that true, godly, Christ-like masculinity might reign in their homes. And they would put away the excuses of everything that's going wrong in the home, and they'd get busy just fixing what they need to fix. that your blessing, the blessing of your spirit, might be outpoured on their homes. O God, grant them ears to hear. We've prayed it in Christ's name. Amen.