at the upper room discourse. We have seen that our Savior has washed his disciples' feet. None of them would move to do so. And that he has told them, I have done this to give you an example that you should do to one another as I have done to you. And then we pick up with verse 18. I do not speak concerning you all. You may look right up to verse 17 and see how he said, if you know these things, you are blessed if you do them. I do not speak concerning all of you, I know whom I have chosen. But that the scripture may be fulfilled, he who eats bread with me has lifted up his heel against me. Now I tell you before it comes to pass, that when it does come to pass, you may believe that I am he, that I am. Most assuredly, I say to you, he who receives whomever I send receives me and he who receives me receives him who sent me. When Jesus had said these things, he was troubled in spirit and testified and said, most assuredly, I say to you, one of you will betray me. Then the disciples looked at one another perplexed about whom he spoke. Now there was leaning on Jesus bosom one of his disciples whom Jesus loved. Simon Peter therefore motioned to him to ask who it was of whom he spoke. Then leaning back on Jesus breast he said to him Lord who is it? Jesus answered it is he to whom I shall give a piece of bread when I have dipped it. And having dipped the bread he gave it. to Judas Iscariot, the son of Simon. May the Lord bless His word to our hearts. You may be seated. Let's look first at our Lord's distress and His testimony in verse 21. Our Lord's distress and His testimony in verse 21. Now He was distressed, first of all, by betrayal. Our Lord knew what was about to happen to Him. He knew who he was. We've already seen this in John 13. And he knew that his hour had come. He knew the scriptures, including Psalm 41, which he quotes in verse 18. He knew the scriptures that foretold his suffering and his betrayal by a sinner. This did not make him numb to human feeling. The Son of God endured these things clothed in our flesh with full human feeling, a human mind, will, and emotions that can accurately and acutely experience all that was happening to him. He was far more in possession of his human faculties than we are. Ours have been eviscerated, gutted by sin. And therefore when we read in verse 21 that he was troubled in spirit, We don't need to doubt at all that he was deeply sorrowful, agitated, troubled. That's what the word means. He was the man of sorrows. He knew that Judas' betrayal would initiate a series of events that would lead to his condemnation by the Jews and Romans. Their crucify him would fulfill all that was written of him. It would also mean for him personally that he would drink the cup of judgment that his father was about to place in his hand. Please remember about our Lord every time you read this and particularly in this season when these things are more before us, please remember he was not acting the part in some redemption drama. He was suffering as the willing conscious, perfect Lamb of God. He was his father's beloved, but he was about to become sin for us. And for his sinless soul, who was always his father's delight, for him to be condemned in our place, to bear our guilt, was for him a hell beyond description. We shouldn't think that our Lord also was unmoved by Judas's cold-hearted treachery. Judas was sitting near the Lord at the Passover feast, near enough for the Lord to give him the piece of bread that was usually reserved for a close friend or a person in a place of honor. Remember, Judas had spent the last three years with the Lord, watching him, hearing him. receiving an eternity of kindnesses and wisdom from his master. And now, the one who valued Mary's perfume at 300 denarii would betray our Lord for 30 pieces. He valued our Lord at a tenth of what he valued a bottle of perfume. There has never been baser treachery, a more wicked exchange, a nastier spirit, a nastier heart that coveted earthly things of far lesser value than the Son of God. What an insult. And if for no other reason that we should hate a covetous spirit, here we see where covetousness will take us. Here we see where the love of earthly things and the fear of not having them. Here we see where these might lead us unless we repent. And our Lord was very grieved by all these things. We forget that His human nature in union with the divine, He's a divine person. That he can measure these insults far more accurately and feel them far more deeply than we can. Now this did not make him an emotional wreck. He had an emotional honesty though and depth. that's far better than ours. We lost much of ours at the fall. And it's only partially recovered in this life under the Spirit's influence. And so our Lord, as he's thinking about Judas, he's thinking about Psalm 41, he's announcing, one of you is going to betray me. He is extremely, extremely agitated. It's interesting that at this hour, one of the griefs of his heart was an unfaithful disciple. And while not comparing any of us here to Judas, I urge you to see how much it pains our Lord when we are unfaithful to him. He was not unmoved by this. Let us turn to Him. He's not a robot master. He is the Son of God incarnate with a heart of flesh and blood and a friend who loves His disciples. And may we never live in such a way as to grieve His holy heart, His loving heart. And then He speaks with a testimony, a directness, the words even used here by the Holy Spirit almost in a formal legal setting so that no one ever doubts the truth of it. One of you is going to betray me. However maddening this was to the disciples to consider at the moment, we need to remember this was opposed to all of their expectations as to why they've entered Jerusalem. Remember, they've entered Jerusalem because the king is here. And he's going to enter into his kingdom. And then the Lord pauses in the middle of what to them must have seemed like a supper This has got to be like an inaugural feast. This is like a pre-election night victory celebration. And then he announces that my betrayer is sitting in this circle. It is one. He is one of you. Now this testimony obviously was directed specifically at Judas, but we should add here just by way of seeing the glory of our Lord, that he knows the heart of every one of his professing disciples. He knows our heart. He knows my heart. He knows your heart. He knows among us if there is a betrayer. Not perhaps for 30 pieces of silver, but for man's applause, earthly gain, to simply feel good about ourselves. Remember who he is. He is the searcher of hearts. And we do not tell him what is in our heart. He tells us what is in our heart. Please understand our faith is very different from what we hear in American pop culture today that God's a God who wants you to be affirmed and to realize your goals and your potential. That is not the God of the Bible. That's the God of hell masquerading as the God of the Bible. The true God of the Bible, the true Savior that he sent from heaven, his beloved Son, He tells us what's in our hearts so that He can redeem us from the evils that are within us. And it's a very false gospel and I encourage you not to listen to it. Expunge it from your thinking. Many apes of hell are out there in our culture telling us that God is here to validate what I've already decided is the best thing for me to do. I'm going to tell God what I want from Him on my terms. But here we see our Savior. in saving us. He doesn't dishonor his father or does he treat us so maliciously as to leave unchallenged our wills and our expectations. So instead he tells all of them in a moment of great suspense and anticipation and there's great things coming. One of you is a betrayer. I know who's here. I know who you are. He tells us what is wrong with us and then directs us to come to him for fellowship and cleansing and help. And I encourage you to see in this that fellowship with our Lord and growing in him and in his likeness depends upon this kind of listening heart. I know I'm squeezing this but I'm doing it on purpose. Judas was not listening that night and he went to hell. Peter was not listening that night and he was tragically wounded, not fatally, because the Lord held him back, but he was not listening. He was not letting Jesus tell him what was in his own heart and it was devastating for him. The Lord told them both what they were about to do. He knows what is in our hearts this morning as we gather for worship. He walks in the midst of the candlesticks. He's present searching us by his word and spirit. As he reveals our hearts to us this morning, we need first to listen to him. Even the slightest conviction of sin needs to be heeded. And he did very carefully. When the word is preached and our hearts are pricked, we should come to the throne of grace and seek mercy then and there. And realize I do not know myself at all in comparison to what God my Savior knows of me. And he is telling me through his word and spirit what is wrong with me. And unlike the disciples, particularly Judas and Peter, a little later, who did not listen, we need to listen. Please remember. Dear brothers and sisters, we should not deceive ourselves if we come under conviction, oh I'm not that bad. Let me tell you something about yourself. I hope many people have told you this because it is the path of honesty. You have no idea how bad you are and neither do I. I have no idea how sinful and wretched and needy I am before a holy God and neither do you. And so we need to come before his word. The disciples should have come that way, but they did not. With that sense, Lord, you teach me who I am. I'm not going to tell you what I want. I'm not going to put demands upon you. Lord, I'm not going to really serve you and join until you fix my husband, fix my wife, fix my children, fix my job, fix my health, fix my circumstances. That's Judas and Peter saying to Jesus, I don't care what you say. You're wrong about me. You're wrong about what I need to do. We need to have a listening heart before our master. Think how different. Again, just for a moment, bypassing the prophecies and knowing who Judas is, Psalm 41, 109. But just think how differently his personal history. Think how different Peter's personal history because we know he was one of God's elect. Think how different his personal history would have been if he said, Lord, I'm not going to make your truth, I'm not going to make your words fit my understanding before I'll respond to them. I'm going to bring my understanding under your word and say I'm an idiot unless you teach me. Sorry to put it so southern, okay? But that's who I am unless you teach me and unless you bring me under the authority of your word. And here's the glorious thing. Why is Jesus saying all this this night? Because we have a Savior who is more than willing to help us. As holy as He is, He is also lowly in His grace. And so if you're convicted and you're thinking, man, Jesus is telling me stuff about my heart right now. I know it's Him because I don't want to face it. And the light's there. Don't say, I'm going to run away. Say, wait a minute, I have a Savior who heals lepers. I have a Savior who gives sight to the blind. There's a Savior, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who heals the cripple, who raises the dead. When He tells me the truth about me, I need to run to Him. because he will help me. He doesn't tell me the truth to crush me. He tells me the truth to help me and to heal me and because he loves me. So receive his word like this, even though he told it to them in a time of great distress, now he tells us the truth so that we will draw closer to him and remember that he's now resurrected and reigning in heaven to help us. Now you can well imagine what the disciples, wait a minute, what did he just say? I mean, they're confused and they ask questions. One of you must have fallen like a bomb in their circle. I mean, they begin looking at each other, searching for a culprit. Wait a minute, did that? I saw his face just went, so I bet it's him. One can easily imagine Peter's hand moving toward his sword. Many commentators have have noted probably correctly that had Jesus identified Judas by name that night he would never have left the room alive. You will notice that not one of them doubted that Jesus spoke the absolute truth. There was a betrayer in their midst. It never occurred to them that he might be wrong. Perhaps their recent dispute just a few minutes earlier about who would be the greatest had nurtured suspicion in their hearts about each other. Boy, there is nothing that destroys love and humility, love and unity in the body of Christ as much as the desire to be preeminent over another brother or sister. When we crave recognition, when we nurse private disagreements, and hurt feelings and our own little schemes of getting out from under other people or being exalted over others. When we refuse to forgive offenses sincerely and cover them with love, I promise you with all the authority of our Lord's words in this upper room discourse that what will grow in our midst is suspicion and distrust. until they choke out all love and goodwill. The disciples apparently had no trouble believing that one of them could contemplate such a foul scheme. I pray that we take his word with the same earnestness that they did. But that's not the only place they looked. They looked at one another confused but then they also and we bring in some of the other gospel record here which John does not record. They also began looking within because you remember the question. that they started asking in Mark chapter 14 verse 19, after looking around, then suddenly, is it me? Lord, is it I? As sinners should, they began questioning themselves, doubting themselves, seeing their own mercenary hearts a little more honestly. It was not that the 11 were untrue, But remember, their unwillingness to practice humility and their disputing about personal greatness had exposed the sinfulness of their own hearts to them. And suddenly, under the word of Jesus, their pride killed their assurance of salvation. Their pride. Unwillingness to serve others freezes our hearts and destroys confidence before God. And true disciples, because we're honest and the Lord gives us that honesty, they end up pointing the finger back at themselves. Lord, is it me? And when the Spirit opens our eyes to the truth, we see with blinding clarity, and I hope you see this about yourself, that unless the Lord holds on to you, you're capable of anything. You're capable of adultery. You're capable of murder. You're capable of, well, you say, well, man, that's kind of extreme. Well, you're capable of lying. You're capable of pride. You're capable of backstabbing somebody. You're capable of smiling at your wife and then walking away from her, cursing her, or doing the same. You and I, we are capable of any measure of sin unless the Lord holds us by his power. That should be a real feeder for humility. Don't trust yourself, dear brother or sister. Don't trust your sense of strength. Don't trust your steadfastness. A wise man, a wise woman, distrusts himself, distrusts herself, and believes himself capable of anything unless the Lord holds him up. And they did. Lord has died. But I want to bring something out that I've not heard brought up in another context. They not only looked around, Mark 14, 19, they not only looked within, but they looked to the Lord. Lord. Lord, please hear this with me for just a second. They looked to the Lord for light. At least 11 of them did. They brought themselves before Jesus. Please hear this. It's not that they honestly examined their own hearts. They came to the Lord. Do you understand what they're asking in the question? Lord, is it me? They're asking Him. You tell me if I'm the one. I don't know. I can't read my own heart, honestly. Paul said, I judge myself, but then he said, I don't even judge myself. I'm not aware of anything, but I know it's not in my own judgment that I'm going to stand. It's in the Lord's judgment. This is very much an echo of what David said, Lord, you search me and know me. This is very important. Yes, we need to examine ourselves, but please understand, your self-examination and mine, our self-examination is never as honest and it's never as thorough as it needs to be in any way to be trusted. We must each of us come before the Lord and present our hearts to him and say, Lord, you tell me what's in my heart because I can easily deceive myself. Each of the eleven, finally responded by asking Jesus, am I the man? Now Judas, of course, it's interesting, in Matthew 26, 25, after everybody else had asked, is it I? Then Judas is particularly singled out as asking the same question. But by this time, his silence, continued silence, would have probably brought more exposure upon him. And it was too awkward for him to bear. And so he finally asked, is it I? And Jesus said to him quietly enough, apparently you've said it. Please hear this. Please hear this. These words are written for our instruction. Too few come to Jesus. You come this morning and you say, Lord. And again, we're not talking about, you know, am I the betrayer? You come to him just as part of your discipleship. Lord, you show me my heart. Show me where I need to have a heart that honors you as my wife. as a wife to my husband. Show me where I need to honor you. Show me what's wrong with my heart as a husband. Show me what's wrong with my heart as a 13-year-old. Don't we all struggle with this? Boy, I tell you, I was a wretched teenager. My teenage brothers and sisters in here. And you're 12 and 13 and 15 and 18. And you think, you know, the problem is all out there. Let me encourage you. Stop and hear the words of Christ. See the example, which is good, of the disciples. And turn around. Lord, is it me? You show me. Search me and know me. This is part of Christian discipleship. And that is to be honest before the Lord Jesus. And ask Him to probe you. It will hurt, but ask Him. Ask Him to probe you. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 11 31, if we would judge ourselves we would not be judged along with the world. Your best defense in times of upheaval is not a cache of guns and an underground bunker. Okay, it is you judging yourself before the Lord and walking transparently before Him and then you will not be judged along with the world. Now it goes on. So, Judas is exposed in verses 23 through 26. Please remember, they were probably sitting as was common, those in kind of a U-shape, perhaps three tables. And each disciple, they were all wrong-handed. They were probably all right-handed. That's how that was set up. They should have been left-handed. No, I'm just kidding. If you know, I'm left-handed. Okay. But you would recline with your feet behind you on your left. And so you'd have your right hand free to pass food or to eat. And so you would kind of be reclining against the back as it went around the table, reclining against the chest of the one next to you. So each disciple's back. was next to the chest of the other disciple except, of course, the one on the end. John identifies himself here. Peter points him out specifically as the beloved disciple, not because Jesus particularly loved him, I think, in some sense of pride, but probably with amazed humility, Jesus loved me. That's my only value, that Jesus loved me. Let that be your value, dear brother, sister. That's your, Jesus loved me. That's your value. John was reclining back against Jesus. And I know for those of you who like your personal space, this is probably a little bit uncomfortable. But again, only the impure look for the impure under every rock. We have obviously senses of propriety about personal space and male closeness, but John loved the Lord Jesus. And so we shouldn't look for anything erotic or anything filthy in this. And our Lord had no problem in allowing John to invade his space. Please understand that this was not an unusual arrangement for Oriental seating arrangements. But there's more here because obviously the Lord is willing to be close to you if you love him. Do you believe that? He loved all of his disciples, but you know, of course, that Peter, James, and John, he was particularly close to them. And I don't think that was intended if our Lord says, well, you know, I'm going to try to create a little bit of jealousy here. No, it was motivating to them. Hey, you grow in love for me. Give me your heart. I'll express more of my love for you the more you open up your heart to me and want to know me. Let me encourage you this morning as a side note. When the Lord Jesus seems distant and cold toward you, I assure you it's all on your side. It is not on his side at all. When he seems distant and cold, it's because your heart, either by worldliness, or selfishness, or self-absorption, or a demanding, self-serving spirit, or neglect of communion with him in prayer and in the Word, your heart's cold from him. Peter motioned to John, who was nearby, to ask Jesus to name the betrayer. And so John asked, probably, you know, somewhat near, you know, Lord, who is it? Something like this. You know, it's interesting, Peter was the usual spokesman of the group and the natural leader. He didn't have more authority than the rest of them, as the papists claim, but he was the natural leader of the apostolic band. But isn't it interesting that he wasn't the beloved disciple? He didn't identify himself like this. Maybe as a check to his pride that had come up already, he was too discouraged to ask the question himself. Please remember, those who lead in the church are not always those who are closest to the Lord. We shouldn't be discouraged if we're not the leaders of the conversation and ideas in place. Those who talk most and loudest They're not always the Lord's beloved. Paul recognized this about himself. He said, hey, I'm not a good public speaker. I'm unimpressive in person. But we can easily see Paul reclining on the breast of the Lord also because he stood in wonder of the love of Christ. Brothers and sisters, I will belabor this any longer except to say the Lord Jesus, we have a Savior who wants to be close to you. And he's a real person. So open your heart to him. Ask him. Want to know him. If you're 13, 14 and your religion is seeming distant, you're like, I can't wait to get out of here. Please understand there is no fault with the religion you have heard. There's a great fault with you. And you have not given your heart to Christ. And it will be so sad if any of you persevere in your rebellion like Judas did until the last day and say, Jesus exposed me, he shut me out. Judas is in hell roasting in the juices of his own foolishness and pride at this moment. Instead of saying, my Lord offered himself, he offered the opportunity to me and I rejected him. Don't do that. Remember the Lord Jesus, he offers himself to you. Come to him. The Lord gave a sign. He didn't answer directly. Notice he gave a sign to his betrayer in verse 26. He said, hey, whoever I give this piece of bread to, as I already said, this was usually a piece of bread at the Passover feast. I think they're still here in the Passover, not in the institution of the Lord's Supper. I don't think that was until after Judas was gone. That at this Passover, there was usually a piece of bread given to a special friend or to show honor. And maybe that was our Lord's intention here. Please, again, the Lord's agitated, but he's still showing some concern for Judas. Are you certain you want to do this? I'm going to give you this piece of bread. Are you going to so basely betray me after so many kindnesses and my opening of my heart to you for so many times and years? Are you going to do this? Is your heart still in the grip of gross selfishness? Is any of our hearts still in the grip? You know, we came to church this morning, but I'm contemplating, I really want this sin. Would the Lord Jesus say to you, is your heart that base? After all that I've done for you? Judas was sitting closely enough to the Lord, not only to receive the piece of bread, but also to hear the Lord say those words to John. And so he knew that he was now exposed, at least to those who were sitting closest. Jesus knows. These disciples know. Peter and John, the two close ones, they know. Now, why didn't they rise up at that moment and just tackle Judas? I mean, obviously, they're all a bit in a daze and the Lord is sovereignly controlling this. They probably certainly could not fully digest all that was happening. But Judas knew about his plan. Would he actually follow through with it? You know, it's so sad to think about this. Satan's servants never recline on his breast because he hates everybody. And here's Judas with the opportunity. I can either choose the cold, evil breast of a malevolent, malevolent, wicked demon Or I can choose the breast of the Son of God. Which one are you going to choose? You're going to choose the breast of the world? I assure you it is a dried up, shriveled, ugly, cold, nasty thing. Are you going to choose the breast of the Lord Jesus Christ? Warm, inviting, lovely, inviting you to come. Judas is in a moment. He's got the bread in his hand and he chooses the devil. His will becomes set at this point. We'll see next week when we pick up with the narrative that his will becomes determined. But it should be seen, I do think it is important, that our Lord did not give this piece of bread to Judas vindictively. It was a mark, at least on our Lord's part, of sincere friendship. God's sovereignty and the fulfillment of Scripture should not be conceived of as determinism. God freely offers the gospel to everyone to whom he sends it. And what Judas did, he did freely. He did in the face of great restraint on the Lord's part and a sincere, friendly gesture that could have called him back from the abyss. But boy, now Judas has to carefully hide, doesn't he? This is one reason the hypocrisy is so evil. And if you're a hypocrite, I don't say it to condemn you. I said, come out to the light. What a hard place it is to keep up two faces. You have to exist by lying and hiding. Nothing is worse than the hypocrite's fake friendship, it's pretend piety, it's deceitful kisses. Judas had no idea that his soul would be so overwhelmed later that night by the enormity of his evil that he would kill himself. and throw himself into hell. He had no idea where his evil was leading him. But what he did know was this. I'm finished with Jesus. I'm finished with these disciples. I'm finished with this spirituality. I'm finished with the Son of God. And the Lord knew his heart and he knew his plans. And Judas, instead of coming into the light to be judged, he fled the light. And he soon departed, not only from the room, but from this life altogether. This is very different. Please listen with me as we make some applications here. This is very different from the 11. who even though they were confused and dazed and shocked and unhinged. You ever been like that? You get sudden bad news, maybe three versions. I'm unhinged. I'm shocked. I don't know what to do. I know what the word says, but it doesn't seem to be matching up with what I'm presently experiencing. But we can learn something positive from the 11. They asked the Lord to show them their hearts. Lord, am I the betrayer? Isn't it odd that they wanted to know? Please listen to me carefully. Please listen to me. They wanted to know. Do you even want to know? Do we even want to know? They wanted to know. See, true Christians would rather know the truth about themselves than continue to live and believe a lie. They wanted to come into the light. They did not want to live self-deceived. Listen, they would rather be hurt. so that they could be healed than to hide so that they could stay happy. Who are we? I ask this not only to ourselves, I know you, I love you, I'm not at all, but, I mean, these things are real. This is not just, oh, let's just run through the motions and we heard a sermon and let's go home. These things are written for our admonition and instruction. And this is a real thing before our generation in the church. Do you want to be hurt by having the truth told about you so that you can be healed by the warm, loving bosom of Jesus Christ and His power? Or do you want to continue to hide from yourself mainly and from others and try from God, which we know is impossible? Do you want to continue to hide so that you can continue in your own little world to stay happy for a while longer? See, Judas didn't want to be exposed, did he? He preferred the darkness of self-deception to the light of Jesus' examination. He was like today's shallow disciple, who is quite contented to lead an unexamined life, happy to be in the company of friendly faces, happy to raise his arms and wave in the air as a religious enthusiast, but not be on his knees. Not opening his heart to the light. Not confessing his woe is me and coming to Jesus so that Jesus will heal because he's alive now and he will heal you. Hypocrites do not want penetrating questions or preaching. They often react strongly. There's a whole vocabulary that they've even developed to call names in experiential religion and Jesus searching. Names like, well that's hyper spiritual or that's pietistic. the always favorite that you can pull out even in a crowd of atheists to make your point immediately, oh you Puritan. There is absolutely no reason to doubt that Peter, James and John and all the rest except Judas wanted Jesus to tell them, am I the betrayer? You tell me because I would rather come to the light and be with you and have you heal me and cleanse me than stay in my darkness. And Judas, he went out into the night and it was dark. Now, the disciples were shocked obviously as we conclude by The revelation of a betrayer. Could not the Lord have spared them this morning? You might think, why? I mean, I know when we read these sections, we normally read the whole thing. And so we don't normally stop and just look at each little scene in a granular way. Why did the Lord want them to go through this? Just let things play out. The night's going to be hard enough as it is. The next day is going to be awful. Well, he wanted them to go through it because they needed to examine their hearts. The Lord lets his godly ones, his children, his disciples, hear his warnings and see his judgments against the wicked. Why? Because it's good for us to be humble and to be contrite before the Lord. Did you hear? It is good because this life is so teeny tiny brief, the head of a pen, in comparison to your whole immortal existence that will stretch on through unending ages into the future. The Lord let the 11 hear and see this, not so, oh, later, let us tell you what happened. Yes, they were witnesses of it, but because he wanted them, this is what happens when you allow any sin, one sin, covetous, whatever it is, lust, to dominate you and you will not give it up. He wanted them to see and remember later, this is what happens to an evil heart of unbelief. And when we see things in the church, when we see those who have a reputation for godliness stumble, how do we respond? Well, we're just like the disciples. We're heartbroken, we're overwhelmed. We're also more careful in the future. Boy, don't we often hear in such times, let him who stands take heed lest he fall. And that's exactly what we need to be saying to ourselves because we are far weaker than we have any idea. If you are unmoved at the sins and the falls of others that you hear about, or if you kind of smile to yourself and say, yeah, I knew they were fake the whole time. I say to you with brotherly love, liar. you're missing the whole point and deceiving yourself. The Lord lets us see this so that we will be moved and that we will open our hearts to the light and so that we will pick up God's armor and fight. When we hear God's righteous warnings and we see him exposing and chastening, what happens? We're convicted, we're brought to self-examination. We see in ourselves many of the same evils. I mean you think Judas was a bad guy here and he was because he persevered in his sin. Were the eleven? Their pride is still on the table. Their argument over who is going to be the greatest even when the Son of God is lowering himself and about to be crucified for sinners, that's still there. And yet the Lord let them see what, and we'll see and they'll see it more later, what happened to Judas so that they will be brought to self-examination. And I hope you, when you hear about the downfall, well, he's a Democrat, what do you expect? Or he's not really a conservative, what do you expect? Well, he wasn't really Presbyterian. I mean, he had all kind of weird views. Instead, maybe it's better for us to say, you know what? Romans 7, 24 is true about me, that when I want to do good, I find, not somebody tells me that it's there, but I find that there is in me another principle, another law. I'm a Christian man. But I see something else in my heart, Paul said in Romans 7 24. It is a principle of sin in my heart that will only be fully eradicated at death. And so I'm brought to face my own wretchedness now. Why does Jesus want you crying now, Christian? You may think, boy, you don't know how hard it is for me. How hard it is. I'm struggling with my sins. I'm weeping over them. Why does God want this for you? So that you rejoice later. Because, remember what he said, cursed are those who laugh now. You hear girls say, I'm looking for a husband who will make me laugh. Better, to piggyback on Wesley's sermon, better to have a husband who makes you cry. And I'm not saying that is a way of life, man, to give you justification for being ugly, okay? But what's the point here? People want to go through this life laughing and cackling. and not a care in this world, 24-hour comedians, everything fun, everything on my terms. I don't want to be reminded of the solemnities of life and the solemnities of what's facing me. I don't want to have any light on these dark corners of idolatry in my heart. Fear of man. Fear of exposure. Fear of my past. Fear of my future. Anxiety. Whatever it may be. Lust. Lies. Anger. Cursing. Please understand the Lord lets us, let the eleven, allow them to hear this interchange so that we will all ask the question, Lord is it me? And that honesty before him is what preserves us in the evil hour. You know, they didn't think about it then, but their question shows true faith. Who else are they going to go to? Who else are you going to go to to tell you the truth in this life? Who else are you going to go to to get deliverance and get guidance, to get healing, to get preservation? Don't run away. Don't leave the light. Faith does not run from the Lord Jesus. Faith runs right to Him, however painful the brightness. And I'll just tell you, if you come to Jesus, He's not going to say, you poor thing, you're such a victim. He's not going to say, you know what, I'll let you in and your sins. I really wasn't asking that much of you. I mean, like he always said, if anyone will come after me, let him play video games all day. No, let him deny himself. Take up his cross. But I tell you what, to come into that healing light and to say, Lord, you search me and know me and show me the truth and the disciples staying with Jesus as hard as it was, as confused as they were, asking the question, Lord, is it me? You show us. And I'm giving them, I know, a huge benefit of the doubt here. But faith, even when it's weak, comes to Jesus. Are you? Are we? I know there's a lot of things. We don't all share the same circumstances. I get that. You're going through things. I'm going through things. We got different things. And you may feel like I am so oppressed now by life, by circumstances, by people, whatever it may be. But I assure you that the Lord Jesus has brought this into your life. so that you turn away from yourself and turn away from blaming other people, which we have become a culture of professional, my sins are somebody else's fault. So that you will come to him and say, Lord, you search me, you heal me, you know me, you cure me. And if I'm going to betray you, would you want to know? If the Lord knows that there's some big sin coming up in your life, do you want to know? And again, we're not going to know, but would you want to know? Do you have the kind of relationship with him where when his word warns you of something, do you look at everybody else? Well, I'm so glad that person's here. They needed to hear that. Or is it, Lord, are you telling me something about me? See, that's what faith, that's what a disciple. Lord, I'd rather you tell me. I'll say it like this. I'd rather you hurt me to heal me. than to hide from you so that I can stay in a self-deceived happiness. I pray that the Lord will give us this kind of gut honesty before him, that we will not be afraid of the light, that we will recognize he's in our midst this morning and he walks amidst the candlesticks and he searches every heart. And he offers himself to us and says, I'll help you, I'll heal you, I'll forgive you, I'll cleanse you, I'll cure you. He's the living Christ. Let's pray together. Our Father, we thank You for Your Word and we thank You for this passage particularly and what a monumental hour for You and yet so much in here for us. We adore You and pray that You would bless us and help us and apply Your Word to our heart and help us not, as You warned in John 3, those who do evil prefer the darkness and they will not come to the light lest their deeds should be exposed, but those who are in the light, they keep coming to the light, that their deeds may be found out, that they are wrought by you. Help us, O Lord, to love the light and to walk in the light as you were in the light. Help us not to lead unexamined, shallow, self-pleasing, building our own little echo chambers and places of solitude where nothing gets in that bothers us. Oh Lord bring everything in that bothers us so that we may turn to you and that we may be cleansed and that we may be brought to see that Lord Jesus you're not just our Savior as a nice theory or a t-shirt that we wear but you are our living Savior who walks in our midst to make us like you by your Holy Spirit. Do so we ask in your name. Amen.