In the Word of God tonight to Proverbs 18. Proverbs 18. Through desire a man, having separated himself, seeketh and intermeddleth with all wisdom. A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself. When the wicked cometh, then cometh also contempt, and with ignominy reproach. The words of a man's mouth are as deep waters, and the wellspring of wisdom as a flowing brook. It is not good to accept the person of the wicked to overthrow the righteous in judgment. A fool's lips enter into contention, and his mouth calleth for strokes. A fool's mouth is his destruction, and his lips are the snare of his soul. The words of a tailbearer are as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly. He also that is slothful in his work is brother to him that is a great waster. The name of the Lord is a strong power. The righteous runneth into it and is safe. The rich man's wealth is his strong city, and has a high wall in his own conceit. Before destruction the heart of man is haughty, and before honor is humility. He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him. The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity, but a wounded spirit who can bear The heart of the prudent getteth knowledge, and the ear of the wise seeketh knowledge. A man's gift maketh room for him, and bringeth him before great men. He that is first in his own cause seemeth just, but his neighbor cometh and searcheth him. The lot causeth contentions to cease, and parteth between the mighty. A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city. and their contentions are like the bars of a castle. A man's belly shall be satisfied with the fruit of his mouth, and with the increase of his lips shall he be filled. Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof. Whoso findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord. The poor useth entreaties, but the rich answereth roughly. A man that hath friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother." Our text this evening is found in verse 22 of this chapter, "...whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord." The modern form of dating in America is intimately related to the rise in the divorce rate that we see also in our country. Recreational dating is the fad of today, where men and women meet together in bars or what have you in order to find someone, usually for a one-night stand. And if they are sexually or sensually attracted to another, then that becomes the reason and the grounds for their marriage. It is little wonder then that the marriages of today fail so miserably. So much has this become the trend of today that there are those who debate whether dating is in reality right at all. They would substitute what they call courtship in the place of our modern-day dating. Courtship as opposed to dating, they say, takes seriously the idea of a man looking for and being content with going with one particular woman in the proper manner. Tonight we are not going to debate the whole cause of dating versus courtship, although I think that in itself would be a very interesting study. Perhaps the two of them are not mutually exclusive as some want to make them. But the fact of the matter is, and what Solomon teaches us here in this proverb tonight too, is this. Dating is a serious matter. He that finds a wife, we are told, finds a good thing and obtains the favor of Jehovah. That is true. And certainly, we who live in the midst of a society and a world that corrupts the whole sphere of dating as well as the whole idea of marriage itself must be warned over against this. Our young people are exposed to the dating of this present world. Not only is it something that takes place out there in our society in its nightlife, something to which perhaps our young men and women are not exposed, or at least ought not to be exposed. But nevertheless, it is seen. It is seen on television, and it is seen and witnessed in movies. And that, of course, has been brought oftentimes into our very own homes. Who can deny such programs as Friends or sex in the city, or in the city, whatever. The fact of the matter is, programs of that sort promote for young men and women to see the sexual life and the promiscuity that goes on in the dating that the world itself promotes as good and right. And it is over against this that the proverb that we have before us tonight stands. We are going to consider this evening the teaching of God's Word with respect to dating itself, and that is finding a godly wife. We want to consider, in the first place, the meaning of that. And secondly, we want to consider the reason for finding a godly wife. And then finally, the blessing that is also found in that. We believe, people of God, that the Bible never contradicts itself. And yet, so it seems in the passage that we consider tonight as opposed to a particular Word of God that the Apostle Paul writes to us in a chapter such as 1 Corinthians 7, verses 25 to the end of that chapter. In our text, we find that finding a wife is a good thing. A man and a woman are encouraged to marry. And yet in 1 Corinthians 7, the Apostle Paul instructs us with these few words in 32-34. But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is a difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. It almost seems as if Scripture there is discouraging one from marrying. I realize that most people simply take these words of the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 and shrug them off as if they are words that were written by a single man and therefore they are only a single man's personal opinion concerning marriage and not a very good opinion at that. However, we realize that 1 Corinthians 7 is not the word of a man. It is the Word of God Himself. Not just of the Apostle Paul, but they are the Word of God to you and to me. Even the Apostle Paul here assures his readers in verse 40 of this chapter, she is happier if she so abide after my judgment, and I think also that I have the Spirit of God. In other words, I have the Spirit of God that is guiding me in the very words that I give to you in this particular chapter of this Word of God. And for that reason, it is good that we consider briefly what Paul is talking about there in 1 Corinthians 7 as it stands in harmony with what we are taught here in the wisdom of the Proverbs. In 1 Corinthians 7, verse 1, we find out that the Corinthian believers had asked Paul a number of important questions by way of a letter. He says, now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me. And then he gives the teaching of 1 Corinthians 7. Evidently, one of those questions which was addressed to the Apostle Paul and which he now seeks to answer is, Is it better? Is it more appropriate for a man or a woman to remain single than it is for them to marry? Paul's answer to that is given already starting in verse 25 where he states, I have no commandment of the Lord. Or, in other words, he commits this whole area of whether one wants or needs to marry or remain single in his or her life to the realm of Christian liberty. There's no commandment dictating one way or the other that it is better for a man to marry or it is better for a man to remain single. And yet to give some guidance in this whole area, Paul does give good, sound advice as an ambassador of Jesus Christ who is, according to his own words here, led by the Spirit and who has obtained mercy to be a faithful teacher and apostle of Jesus Christ. And then Paul proceeds to inform the saints in Corinth that it is better, if at all possible, for a man or a woman to remain single, to remain unmarried. And he gives two reasons for that. Verse 26 of 1 Corinthians 7, he writes, I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress. In other words, what he is saying It's better for a man or a woman to remain unmarried given the present distress in the churches. And that present distress that he is speaking about there that existed in the churches at that time was persecution. How difficult it is for a married man or a married woman to have to take care of children During the time of persecution, it's harder for himself or herself just to take care of oneself than to have to take care of others besides themselves. And certainly we know that that's true as well. A second reason, however, for remaining single is given to us in the verses that we read just a moment ago. That when a man and a woman marry, They care for the things of each other and of their children, while he that remains unmarried can care more for the things of the Lord. And how true that is as well. It's easier for one to devote himself to the things of the Lord and service to the church as the Apostle Paul himself did if he were not married or she were not married. But notice, however, that the Word of God to us here in 1 Corinthians 7 does not say that one who remains unmarried is holier than or does a better job of serving God than one who is married. And notice too that this word is given not to be a snare to those who have chosen to marry in the Lord. If it is the will of a man and a woman to marry, that's good. And that is commendable. But Paul says it is better if a man and woman are able to remain single simply from a practical point of view. Not a principal point of view. A practical point of view. That they might attend to the service of God undistracted. Now, again, by this point you're probably wondering why bring all of this up. Because it is important for single persons in the church to know that in the eyes of God, they are not in any lower position or standing than anyone else in the church. And if a young man and a young woman in the church choose to remain single, then that is perfectly okay. in the eyes of God. They need to know that. And the church of Jesus Christ needs to know that too. Especially the church needs to know that in the realm where a covenant in the line of continued generations is stressed. And we do that, don't we, in Reformed spheres. We marry in the Lord in order that we can bring up and raise unto God another generation of believers. That's our calling in the midst of the church. But oftentimes, those who are single in the church feel pressured. And they are pressured oftentimes by the church of Jesus Christ itself. pressured in order that at a young age they somehow must at that point find unto themselves a wife or a husband. And if that they do not, then they are lesser of a person. Of less standing in the church as well as of less standing in the eyes of God Himself. That's not true. There are those within the church who because of God's providential guidance in their life have not been led to find a young man and young woman. That's perfectly okay. There are those in the church who of themselves decide that marriage is simply not for them. That's okay too. There's nothing wrong with that, you understand. But there is another important warning that the Word of God gives, and that in chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians. That's this, that those who choose to lead a single life must do so for the right spiritual reasons. Choosing to live single is not wrong. Choosing not to date is not wrong, so long as one does not choose to do this for carnal, frivolous reasons. And let's face it, that of course is what the world of today stresses. Don't get married. Because as soon as you get married, you have the responsibilities of marriage. You have the responsibility of a husband or a wife. and no longer have to please the good old me, but I have to please somebody else. And then if through my lifestyle I so happen to bring forth children, then I have to take care of those children too. And it takes all the fun out of life. And for that reason, I will not marry. I do not want to marry because after all, Marriage takes away my freedom. So, the Word of God warns us. That's not a reason to remain single, to lead a life of wantonness and irresponsibility, even as far as one's sexual desires are concerned. It is thought today that these can easily be satisfied by means of multiple partners in that outside of the marriage bond itself. That, according to God's Word, is sin. The goal, the goal of one who remains single, either out of necessity or because God has led him or her through the various circumstances of life to be single, the goal of that person as well as that married person is to serve the Lord with heart, mind, soul, and strength. I do that either within married life or I do that in single life. And the Word of God to every man who cannot contain is this, It is better to marry than to burn. And this is where the particular Word of God tonight applies to the life of many, if not most, within the church of Jesus Christ. Here's where we can take this Word of God now in Proverbs and apply it very concretely in the life of young men and young women of the church. The psalmist tells us in Psalm 68, verse 6, God setteth the solitary in families. And that is true. That is of God's doing. That is God's way in this world. Though it may be convenient for one to remain single, nevertheless, God created the man and the woman in such a way that there is a natural and even spiritual attraction toward one another. He created us male and female. And no one can deny that. By means of this, God takes the single And he sets the single or the solitary in families. And that's true in the human race just as well as it is true within the church itself. That's how the human race and the church are perpetuated. And the instruction of Solomon in our text is this. He defines a wife. And we qualify that. even though we're not going to be talking so much about that whole aspect of dating itself. He that finds a godly, believing wife finds a good thing. When one comes to the age of puberty, and his repulsion of girls is replaced by an attraction to them, then God's Word is this, he that finds a wife finds a good thing. Now, this Word of God teaches us two important truths. In the first place, it teaches our young people to take dating seriously. Once again, without getting into the whole method of courtship, And without judging what is the right procedure, although as I mentioned, that would really make an interesting study for us, our young people are called upon by the Word of God to know that when they date with one another, that's a serious thing. The purpose of dating. The purpose, the goal of dating is not to have fun. Again, we say that because of all of the recreational dating that transpires in our world today as if that fun is an end or a goal in itself. I'm going to go out with a young lady because I want to have some fun. That's all. And when I no longer can have fun with that young lady, then I'm going to find another young lady and have fun. Or as soon as my fun with that young lady grows old and I get tired of her, I'll go out and I'll find another young lady that I can have fun with. That's not the purpose of dating. Dating is serious stuff, young people. Serious stuff. When we date, we look for a life's mate. That is the goal and that is the purpose of dating. That's why I say I'm not going to dispute between what dating is as opposed to what courtship is. That ought to be the goal of courtship or dating. That we look out to find ourselves a spouse. A godly husband or a godly wife. And if we're too young to understand that, that the purpose of dating is to find someone to marry, then we ought not to date. Parents, you ought to realize that too. If your children are too young to understand that, then they ought not to date. They're too young to be responsible enough in their young lives to know that they're looking for a wife. They're too young. If at 13, a young girl or a young boy today know nothing of and are not even thinking about marriage, then they ought not to date. And although the trend of this present world is that they date when they're 11 or 12, and mom and dad or just mom or just dad let them go out and do what they want to do with each other at 11 or 12, they're too young. They're too young. That's simply a fact. They cannot take seriously the calling of a young man and woman in dating. That is, to search out, to find a wife. Now, we want to qualify what we say here, of course. When a young man asks a young woman out on a date, it does not mean that the two of them cannot have fun with each other and cannot have a good time with one another. Certainly, they may. There are places in this present world where a young man and a young woman are able to go with one another and have a good time. And that without being tempted to walk together in the way of sin. There are places. And they may go to those places too. There's nothing wrong with that. They get to know one another. On the other hand, when we take dating seriously, And that means that we're not afraid as a young man or a young woman to take our date to church or to some other function of the church. A lot of times we think that dating doesn't belong in the sphere of the church itself. That when one dates, one can only date when they're out there having fun somewhere in the world. But when it comes to church itself, then dating stops. You don't have to do that. One of the best places that we can take our girl or our guy when we are dating is through a function of the church. Church services not merely, but other functions too. We have our functions as a fellowship here. We certainly are able to take our date there and know And they know together with us where we are as far as the truth of God's Word is itself. That in the first place. In the second place, we qualify this Word of God with this remark. Taking dating seriously does not mean that every time we have a date, it is with a view toward marriage. In other words, We don't hesitate to go out with a young man and a young woman, if they're godly, because, well, we're not sure whether that's the one we want to marry or not. And so we hesitate to take them out. We aren't going to be sure that that's the one we want to marry or not unless we go out with them and we find out about them, who they are, what they're all about spiritually, to be able to talk with them. That's the purpose of dating. That's the purpose of courtship. We get to know a young man and a young woman and we date them. If we do not care for a person when we date that particular person, then certainly we can refuse to date that person any longer and we are able to look elsewhere. That's not frivolous. It's not frivolous. But the point of the Word of God here is this. We ought not to date for carnal reasons. We do not date to see how many exploits we can have in that area of our lives. How many notches on our belt, so to speak, we can have to prove ourselves to be a man or to prove ourselves to be this wonderful woman. The God-ordained purpose for dating is to find a spouse. And we ought not to allow our children to date parents until we are assured that they are old enough to take that calling seriously. That's the Word of God. Now, the other truth that is contained here in this commandment is that a man find a wife. That's not arbitrary. It's not arbitrary, people of God. I know that sometimes we like to kid about that. I will too. A guy takes a girl out and then she gets her meat hooks into him and that's it. Now she's going to take care of the rest. And he's kind of a puppy dog that follows her around and so on. We kid about that. But the fact of the matter is, the Word of God isn't arbitrary when it says here He that finds a wife finds a good thing. The Scripture is very, very clear throughout Old Testament as well as New Testament that there is the headship of the man. There is headship of the man in marriage itself. And that headship is an order that ought to be established already in the dating life. I don't know if I've ever heard of it at Trinity over here, but I know in our schools back in the Grand Rapids area, there's this twerp week where the roles are changed and the girl gets to ask the guy, I'm sorry, I don't care for that. We must quit ourselves as men. We are called upon by God to take the lead in marriage. And that means that we are called upon by God to take the lead in dating as well. A man seeks out a wife. The practical word to our young men here tonight is this, please, be a man. Be a man. In our crazy society, be a man. and search out a wife. There are godly women in this world, young men. We ought to know that. And those godly women desire to be wives and mothers in Zion. They're there. Just as well as there are godly young men in this world, there are godly young women there too that are waiting for that. And I realize that in a certain sense we're at a distinct disadvantage here, aren't we, in our fellowship? Rather isolated and distant. But that simply means this, young men. Research a little harder. If a woman in the home loses her diamond engagement ring, then the first thing that she's going to do is look on the nightstand, or on the dresser, or in the bathroom at the sink. And if she can't find it there, then maybe she'll go downstairs and check the kitchen counter. But after a while with her searching, if she can't find that ring, she begins some real in-depth searching, doesn't she? Getting on her hands and knees and crawling under beds and dressers. Searching garbage cans and all the like in order to find that precious jewel. Well, men, we have to find the precious jewel of a wife. And if we cannot find her easily, then we have to work a little harder in doing it. I don't think that I've ever thought that I would ever say this. When you're in the realm of the Grand Rapids area, when we have all of those churches over there with a scat of young women and a scat of young men, I mean, You have the pick of the crop. It's all there. It's all there right around you. That's not true here. But I truly believe that there are godly, believing, young women that are outside of the Protestant Reformed churches too. And we have to be careful, no doubt about that, because we have to be of like faith with them. But nevertheless, we search, we can find them. And then we talk to them about the truth of God's Word as we're convinced of it in our own hearts and in our own lives. I'm not saying, young men or even young women, that when we date, we use dating as mission work. Dating is not mission work. I don't use my dating life in order to try to convert some young man or some young woman to the faith. It can happen sometimes that it works. More often than not, it does not work. And Judges 3, verses 5-7 testify to that fact. For the children of Israel lived among the pagan nations of Canaan, and the young men of the church sought them wives out of those nations. And when they sought them wives out of those nations, and they sought husbands out of those pagan nations, then soon the nation of Israel was serving idols. And they forgot God. Dating isn't for that reason. We search out a godly young man and a godly young woman, but they're there. They're there. We need patience. Why is Solomon so intent in instructing young men to find unto themselves a wife, and that he that finds that wife finds a good thing? There are two reasons for finding a wife. The first is based on the very creation ordinance of the woman. He that finds a wife, is one who finds a woman that was created by God to be a help, perfectly neat for the man. When God created Adam, He said it's not good that man should be alone. Just as God created a female counterpart to every animal, so also God created a female counterpart for the man too. God created the woman and brought her to man. It may not seem as if it's a reason that stands out there in the verse before us, but that term wife in our text tonight literally is woman. And immediately we are reminded of course of the Word of God in Genesis 2 verse 23. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman. because she was taken out of man. It makes reference to the special creation that God made in connection with the creating of the woman. And that special place that the woman is given, Paul relates to us in 1 Corinthians 11, verses 8-12, where the man is not of the woman, but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman, but the woman for the man. For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels. Nevertheless, neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man in the Lord. For as the woman is out of the man, even so the man also is by the woman, but all things of God." There's this certain interdependence you understand. Man was not created to be alone. God created the woman to be a help, perfectly fitted, perfectly adapted for the man himself. And that's a wonderful thing. The woman, by means of her very nature, is fitted by God to be married unto a man. God created her both body and in nature to correspond perfectly to that man. That's true physically, no doubt about it. But that's true psychologically and emotionally as well. And especially is that true of us spiritually. Anyone who has a good, healthy, spiritual marriage can tell you of that too. How a husband and a wife become so interdependent upon each other that even the thought of losing that husband or losing that wife gives you a sick feeling in your gut. They together, you see, make up one flesh. who need one another for support, for encouragement, for strength. So yes, he that finds a wife finds a good thing. The best thing in life, apart from salvation. That's what he finds. And that only serves to establish the necessity of courtship or marriage. A man and a woman must search out and find one who is compatible with them, one with whom they are able to get along with for a lifetime. I realize that by nature, there is not a husband and a wife that are compatible with each other. It's amazing work, you know, when God takes two sinners who because of their sin really are incompatible with each other. He saves them by His grace and then unites those two sinners together in marriage so that they can spend a lifetime together with one another. What an amazing work of God. There's another reason, a very, very important reason that finding a wife is finding a good thing. That reason is a highly spiritual one, people of God. It's found in the name of God that is used here in this passage of God's Word. We read, of course, of the English Lord, but we well know in the King James Version that that capitalized Lord means Jehovah. And as we have said over and over again, Jehovah is really God's covenant name. It is that name that speaks to us of God's covenant with us and with our generations as an everlasting covenant to be a God unto us and to our children after us. And this covenant of God with His people is symbolized in marriage. With reference to marriage itself, Paul writes in Ephesians 6 verse 32, This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. That's marriage. We must certainly recognize that finding a wife is good because of what it symbolizes. As the bridegroom of his church, Christ willingly shed His life's blood in order to purchase unto Himself His bride, the Church. He died, people of God, He died in order that we might be bound together with Him as His wife for an eternity. And of that we surely can testify in life. That is a good thing! It's the highest good that Christ has delivered us from the guilt and corruption of God. Our sin that alienated us from God and made us strangers before God and outcasts from His sight. That sin which alienated us from His covenant fellowship and friendship. That sin was the cause of God's anger with us. His indignation, His righteous indignation against you and me. But Christ sought us out. We didn't seek Him out. Christ found us. He sought us out. And He took us unto Himself in the bond of faith. And He went the way of the cross and shed His life's blood in order that we who were alienated from God now might be reconciled to Him. And the result of that marriage between us and Jesus Christ Himself through His shed blood, the result of that are all the blessings of salvation that are ours. The fellowship, the friendship, the intimate care that we experience as God's bride in the midst of this world. That was a good thing. And he that finds a wife, a godly, believing wife, finds a good thing from simply a spiritual point of view. And of what great practical importance that is to us as well. Because God, by means of that marriage, of a man and a woman chooses to carry on His covenant in the line of generations. With us and with our children after us. The God-ordained way. Finding a wife. Marrying. And raising up unto the Lord children. He that finds a wife finds a good thing. for the church. And he that does so obtains favor with Jehovah. Literally, the word favor means delight and satisfaction. A godly man who marries in the Lord, the godly wife, is a delight to the Lord. And God is well satisfied when that takes place in our lives. And He shows this to a man and his wife as well. A man obtains God's favor, that is to say, God bestows on that man and his wife the blessings of His favor in their marriage, in their family. Consider that. Well, young man, young woman of the church that yet can find and marry a husband or a wife. When for carnal, selfish reasons, a young person fails to marry or seeks to marry one who does not fear the Lord, brings hardship. It can result in misery. And sometimes it can rob a person of all the joy that that relationship is supposed to bring. A lifetime of misery sometimes. Don't let that happen. Find a godly spouse and God favors that. He favors that in such a way that His blessing also rests upon us. It may not happen overnight. But be patient. Wait on the will of the Lord. And God will bless that union. And you will have a sense in that marriage, too, of God's favor upon you. Joy. Peace. Security. That makes a man and his wife cheerful. and happy in their relationship with one another. And that relationship will truly reflect the relationship of Jesus Christ and His church. Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed, or be happy. In thy wife thou shalt have gladness. She shall fill thy home with good. Happy in her loving service. and the joy of motherhood. That's a good thing. Amen. Our Father and our God, once more we come into Thy presence and once more we thank Thee for Thy Word. The Word that speaks to us, the Word that speaks to young men and young women of the Church, a word that is necessary for them to hear, and therefore we do not withhold it from them either. We pray that Thou wilt continue to guide and to direct our youth, that they too might establish godly homes in our own midst, that we might see Thy faithfulness, Father, not only in directing others to us, but also in raising up generations that fear Thy name. We confess our need for Thee. We confess our need for Thy faithfulness to us for how weak we are. Where we have sinned, Father, forgive us of all our sins. And wilt Thou give us the strength to walk a life of holiness and sanctification before Thee, seeking Thee above all things. For Jesus' sake we pray these things, Amen.