Book of Colossians, and we are continuing our exposition of Paul's letter to the church at Colossae. And we're in chapter 3, and we are looking at verses 18 to 21. Paul's instructions, his brief instructions concerning the family. However, I will be Reading for the sake of context from verse 12 and on. Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another. And if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body, and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, Do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. Heavenly Father, These instructions are brief, they're concise, but they're true, they're authoritative, and as we consider them, help us to consider our own roles within the family, if we have a family or whatever the circumstances of our lives may be. Help us to consider these roles, these instructions, which you have set forth for the family. Help us to receive instruction, help us to apply these words to our lives. And Lord, as I preach your word, I pray that my words would be your words and that your words would go forth in power and precision to impact the hearts and minds of your people for your glory. In Christ's name we pray. Amen. On the surface, this could seem like a hard passage. And whichever one of these commands applies to us, it may feel like a hard command to follow. And certainly, There are, for wives, there are husbands which are easy to submit to, and some husbands which may be easier to submit to than yours. And for husbands, there may be wives which are easy to love, and there may be wives other than yours which may seem easier to love. For children, there may be parents which are easy to obey. Some parents, which may seem easier to obey than yours. Whatever your relationship may be, it's easy to look at someone else and compare yourself or say, you know, they have it easier. The commands of God are easier for them to follow than for me. However, this passage and these commands are the inerrant infallible word of God. So they are not only authoritative and true, but they come from God. who is good, loving, infinitely wise, and knows what's best for us, whatever our circumstances may be. So if these commands and think, well, that's hard for me to do, maybe a little bit of truth to that because of your circumstances, but it's the word of God. And if it's hard, chances are that's because of the hardness of your heart. because the Bible says that His commandments are not burdensome. And although there are some commands in the Bible which, because of our own besetting sins or our weakness, temptations, and particular circumstances are harder to obey than others, we are still commanded to obey them. Now, there is a sense in which the particular commands in this passage are brief and direct, And because of that, they can be twisted, they could be misunderstood, they could be misapplied. And there is a hermeneutical principle. Hermeneutics is the science of Bible interpretation, and there's many principles for how we interpret the Bible. And one such principle, one hermeneutical principle that we follow is the less clear passage, when there's two or three passages on the same topic, the less clear passage is interpreted by a more clearer passage, or is aided with a more clearer passage. And certainly all throughout the scriptures, there's topics, there's themes, there's instructions which relate to the family, which will help us to understand this passage a little bit more clearer. And as Paul wrote the letter to the Colossians, he wrote it at the same time in which he wrote the letter to the Philippians and the letter to Ephesians. And in many ways, his letter to Ephesians is a parallel letter to the letter to the Colossians. And it mirrors it in many ways, but it also has many of these instructions, which are a little bit more clear. So turn with me to Ephesians chapter five. Ephesians chapter five, and we will see many of these same commands, except a little bit more clearer, expanded on a bit more. Ephesians chapter five and verses 22, all the way down to chapter six and verse four. Paul writes in a similar fashion to, as he writes to the church at Colossae, but he expands on these commands. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. We can see as Paul writes those commands to the Ephesians and he expands on them and clarifies them, it helps us to understand these same instructions that he writes to the church at Colossae. And we can also see in these two passages that if one member of the family is obeying these commands, it makes it easier for the other member to obey as well. A loving husband is easy to submit to. A submissive wife is easy to love. And when you have loving husbands and submissive wives, in a sense makes it easier for the children to obey them. Fathers who do not provoke their children are also easier for the children to obey. It all works together. And sometimes we can easily, you know, point the finger at someone else. Well, if they do X, Y, and Z, or if they do what they're supposed to do, then I'll do what I'm supposed to do. But someone has to take the first step. And in this passage, you know, Paul, Apostle Paul gives four commands. four commands for the members of the household. And this is members of the Christian household. This comes after his lengthy instruction on biblical sanctification, on what it means to be a Christian, what it means to be holy, what it means to serve Jesus Christ. And so it naturally flows. He starts with the individual Christian and the believer and how he is supposed to behave, how he is supposed to act, where his focus is supposed to be in the beginning of chapter three, and then it extends outward in our behaviors in the church, and then now in our behaviors within the Christian home. And so he gives us four commands to glorify Christ in our homes, or rather, and I put it in a different way, four principles by which we honor God in our families. Submission to authority, loving leadership, willful obedience, and considerate rule. And though I've outlined this passage in terms of principles, Make no mistake about it that these are clear, concise, and direct commands. But I think the commands are easier to follow if you see the principles behind the commands. And the first principle is this, submission to authority. Submission to authority in verse 18. Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. And there is a clear structure in the home. And there is to be submission to authority. There is an authority figure in the home. That is the father. That is the husband. And he is to be submitted to. He is to be followed. But submission in the home begins with submission to God. Submitting to His Word. And as Paul writes, wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. As is fitting in the Lord is a qualifying phrase, a qualifying statement. It's not a blanket submission for everything. But it's whatever's fitting in the Lord. And so submission in the home begins with submission to God and submitting to his word. We're all to submit to his word. 2 Timothy 3.16 says this, that all scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work. Every Christian is to submit to the word and every command is to be submitted to because it's God's word. So first we submit to His Word, and we submit to His wisdom. We submit to His wisdom that these are His instructions, the Creator's instructions for the family. He has created every one of us. Everything that is, He has created, and He has a prerogative to decide how it will function. He created it. It has a definite purpose and function. So we are to submit to that. We submit to his wisdom. Paul, in writing to Timothy in 1 Timothy, he gives Timothy's instructions concerning the church and how the church is to function with its leadership and everybody within it and its purpose, what it does, its mission. And then he gives these instructions to Timothy concerning men and women in 1 Timothy 2. Chapter 2, verses 8 to 15, he says this, I desire then that in every place the men should pray, lifting holy hands without anger or quarreling. It's interesting that he talks about the men first, that they, in a sense, should lead in a spiritual manner, and then he turns to the women, likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, but with what is proper for women who profess godliness with good works. Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness, I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man. Rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve, and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing if they continue in faith and love and holiness with self-control. And if you haven't already turned there to 1 Timothy 2, you can turn there and look at these because I want to explain some of these principles and some of these commands. For the most part, this is given in the context of the church, how men and women are to act and behave within the context of the church. And he starts out with the men that they were to be spiritual, they were to be holy, they were to be men of prayer. And then he goes to the women, that they are not to be worldly, or sensual, or manipulating in an ungodly way, but they are to be modest, they are to be godly, they are to be women of character. He says, let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man, rather she is to remain quiet. And there have been books and podcasts and blogs and all sorts of things written and spoken about this verse and this passage on many sides, wherever you line up on the argument that, well, you know, Paul was just talking to that culture, so this is just a cultural thing. And it doesn't really apply to us today. But understand this, that when Paul gives this instruction in 1 Timothy 2, 11 and 12, let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness, he then goes to verse 13, for Adam was formed first, then Eve. He qualifies this principle in the creative order. That even before the fall, this was God's order for man and woman. That he created man in a sense to lead and woman to be the helpmate to that leader, to support. It doesn't mean that woman is less than man. It doesn't mean that man is greater than woman. It means that there's different roles, there's different functions, that men and women are different, which our culture has a hard problem seeing. Today, though, you know, just basic logic and observation, you can see that men and women are different. They're created different. And there's a reason for that, because they have different roles. It doesn't mean that one is of greater value or worth than the other. It just means that they're different. They have different roles. Man is supposed to lead. Woman is supposed to support the leadership of the man. But there also is a sense, and Paul would talk about this in other passages and letters, that women do, in a sense, lead. They lead in the home. They lead children. They lead younger women in discipleship. But he roots this, he grounds this principle, this command, in the creative order. in the creative order. And so I'd like you to maybe keep your finger in 1 Timothy 2, but turn to Genesis 3. And in the fall, we can see this a little bit better because he says, for Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing. if they continue in faith and love and holiness with self-control. And some could take that phrase, she will be saved through childbearing, and be a little bit confused. Does not mean that she will be saved from her sins through childbearing. It cannot mean that. Because we are saved through faith alone and Christ alone and His sacrifice alone. No one can be saved spiritually through childbearing, but it means something different, and what it means is linked in the fall. It is explained in the fall. In Genesis 3, in verse 14, it says this, speaking of the fall, and God confronts Satan, and then the woman, and then the man, and it's interesting that he does it in that order. Genesis 3.14, the Lord God said to the serpent, because you have done this, cursed are you above all livestock and above all beasts of the field. On your belly you shall go and dust you shall eat all the days of your life. I will put enmity between you and the woman and between your offspring and her offspring. He shall bruise your head and you shall bruise his heel. To the woman, he said, I will surely multiply your pain and childbearing. In pain you shall bring forth children. And then he says this, your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you. Now, when he says your desire, it's not a sexual desire, it's not a physical attraction. What he means there is that her desire will be for his role, for his position. Because he then says, he shall rule over you. This is one of the implications of the fall, one of the besetting sins of almost every woman. Some of you, it's harder than others, is to rule. This is where feminism comes from. To have the position that the man has. This is why it's hard to submit sometimes. You know, that's apart from the husband's sins and the man's sins. Almost every sinner, in a sense, can make it hard to submit to them. But there's something inherent in this, that her besetting sin is to rule, to rule the roost, to rule the household, to make all the decisions, to, in a sense, undermine her own husband. And that's why Paul says in 1 Timothy 2 that she will be saved through childbearing. Because in childbearing, there's a sense that now she's preoccupied with the children and not with what her husband, so much what her husband is saying and ruling the household. That's how she will be saved through childbearing. She will be saved through this besetting sin because then she will be preoccupied with childbearing, with caring for the children, with raising the children. This is, in a sense, part of her function. But then he goes on and he starts with Satan, then he goes to the woman, then he confronts Adam. And he said to Adam, he said, and to Adam he said, because you have listened to the voice of your wife, and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, you shall not eat of it. Cursed is the ground because of you. In pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life. Thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken. For you are dust, and to dust you shall return. So conversely, as the woman's besetting sin, is to rule and to reign and to undermine her husband, the man's besetting sin is to abdicate or capitulate or to be lazy or to not lead, to abdicate his responsibilities, to not carry out his responsibilities as a leader of the home. Because when Eve was tempted, What does it say? It says Adam was there with her. He did not lead. And there's many theologians who can argue and quibble about which sin came first. Certainly, you know, the Bible says, as in 1 Timothy 2, that Eve was tempted first, she was deceived first. But there could be a good case for saying that Adam sinned first by a sin of omission, not doing what he was supposed to do, not leading, not stepping in, not saying something. He abdicated his responsibility. He did not lead in that sense. And for many of us men, we can look at our lives, we can look at our homes, and we all have a certain level of comfort and contentment. And if we reach that level and there's certain things, we got enough money in the bank, enough food in the house, the car's working fine, then we rest on our laurels. We, in a sense, become lazy. We stop leading because we've reached that level of comfort that is good. And so, our besetting sin as men is to be passive. And woman's besetting sin is to seize authority. It's just what the Word of God says. We see it in our families. We see it in our own lives if we're honest. Submission to authority, it starts with submission to God. Submission in the home begins with submission to God, submitting to His Word, submitting to His wisdom and how He designed the family, understanding our own sins, and then also submitting to His providence. As I said earlier, we can point the finger and we can complain, well, if my wife was better, then I would love her more, or if my husband was doing what he was supposed to do, then I would submit to him, or children can say, well, if I had better parents, I would obey them. But he's given us the, for wives, he's given you the husband, he's given you. For husbands, he's given you the wife, he's given you. And for children, he's given you, the parents, he's given you. He is sovereign over every instance in life and we are to obey his commands and not use one another or our circumstances as excuses. So submission in the home begins with submission to God. Second, godly wives will model godly submission. They will model godly submission. A godly wife will model godly submission. That's why I started with this principle of submission to authority because as a godly wife models godly submission, her children will learn from her. Friends, family members, co-workers, neighbors will learn from her. She's supposed to model this. Her Lord commands it. Her Lord commands it. One commentator says this, he says, the Greek verb means to subject oneself, which denotes willingly putting oneself under someone or something. The command is unqualified, applying to every Christian wife, no matter what her own abilities, education, knowledge of scripture, spiritual maturity, or any other qualifications might be in relation to those of her husband. The submission is not the husband's to command, but for the wife to willingly and lovingly offer." He goes on and emphasizes this phrase, your own husbands. He says it limits her submission to the one man God has placed over her and also gives a balancing emphasis that he is hers as a personal intimate possession. She submits to the man she possesses as her own. And then he goes on and says, as to the Lord, this qualifying statement that Paul says, as is fitting in the Lord, because the obedient spiritual wife's supreme submission is to the Lord. Her attitude is that she lovingly submits as an act of obedience to the Lord who has given this command as his will for her, regardless of her husband's personal worthiness or spiritual condition. has little to do with the state of her husband. Unless he's commanding sin or he's, in a sense, being abusive or manipulative in such a way that she is tempted to sin, it does not mean that she cannot confront her husband as a believer to another believer. Does not mean that she can't make suggestions or give advice or be a counselor. just means that she recognizes that there is a structure, and the man is the head of the woman, he is the head of the household. And especially in the bigger decisions, where we will live, what house we will buy, where we will go to church, it's ultimately the husband's final say. Godly wives will submit to that. They may ask questions, that's not wrong. They may offer counsel, suggestions. They can even confront their husband in sin. But ultimately they are to be submissive. They're to be submissive because their Lord commands it. Also because she desires to please her Lord and support the husband he gave her. She understands God's sovereignty and his providence. Third, because she understands the purpose and the parameters of the command. And as I said in the beginning, we could just take this brief command and have all these, but what if, but how, what about this circumstance, or what if he's doing this, or what if he said this? But as wives, it's important that you understand the whole counsel of God, the whole scriptures, all the passages that relate So you understand the purpose and the parameters of this command. As Peter says in 1 Peter 3, he also, in a sense, expounds upon this. 1 Peter 3 in verses 1 to 6, likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be one without a word by the conduct of their wives. When they see your respectful and pure conduct, Do not let your adorning be external, the braiding of hair and the putting on of jewelry or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. And you are her children if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. He's saying in the beginning that the husbands may be won by the conduct, won without a word by the conduct of their wives. In a sense, alluding to being unequally yoked, being married to an unbeliever. That by her holy conduct, she in a sense can witness to her husband and win him over. And there are several Testimonies and examples of this throughout church history, and I'm sure some of you can think of examples of a godly woman winning over her unsaved husband because of her conduct, because of her behavior. And he uses Sarah as an example. And he's alluding to Abraham's lie. or his half-truth, you know, and what Abraham even subjected Sarah to. And yet Sarah submitted to him, and he goes on, he says, do not fear anything that is frightening. What he's saying is that as Abraham led Sarah into what was no doubt a frightening situation, sometimes men can lead their wives in frightening situations. What will we do? I don't think we have enough money to buy this house. I don't think we should move here. I don't think you should take that job. I don't think you should quit your job. And in those instances, you can offer advice, you can offer suggestions, but there is a point in time where you need to trust your husband and follow him. And it may be frightening, but God commands you to submit, commands you to submit. And if you are the godly woman, then your husband will love and cherish and adore you, and it will be easier for him to submit to his commands, which are in many ways much harder. Proverbs 31 says this, an excellent wife who can find, she is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not harm all the days of her life. A woman like that is easy to love. A man would want to love her and lead her and even seek her counsel. Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. And so, wives, you are to be that woman, even though it may be hard. So first, we see in this passage the principle of submission to authority that godly wives will model this godly submission. And then second, we see loving leadership. Loving leadership, verse 19. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. True leadership loves. It loves. It cares for the people that it leads. It's not domineering, it's not dictatorial, it's not demanding. You love. And you love how God loves. You love by caring for the ones you lead and wanting what is best for them. And as I said, I believe it was a couple weeks ago, that we need to define love. We can't just look at this command and see husbands love your wives. Oh, okay, I know what that means. That means be nice to her and all these other sorts of things that we in our culture, which for the most part aren't exactly wrong. But they aren't exactly true and they're definitely not the word of God. So we need to understand what God says about love, his definition of love, because God is love. And the signature passage on this, 1 Corinthians chapter 13 and verses 4 to 7. Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own ways. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. And if a husband loves like that, the wife will be happy to submit. She'll want to support him. She'll want to follow him. And husbands, the best way to apply this passage, and everyone else as well, but primarily husbands, the best way to apply this passage in 1 Corinthians 13 is to replace the words love and it with your own name. You can say it with me. Joe is patient and kind. Joe does not envy or boast. Joe is not arrogant or rude. Joe does not insist on his own ways. Joe is not irritable or resentful. Joe does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Joe bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. That's the type of man we need to be. That's the type of husband we need to be. And if you still struggle with applying this, you can use the name Jesus. Jesus is patient and kind. Jesus does not envy or boast. Jesus is not arrogant or rude. Jesus does not insist on his own ways. Jesus is not irritable or resentful. Jesus does not rejoice at wrongdoing. but rejoices with the truth. Jesus bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. He is our model because God is love. We're to love as He loved. We're to love by knowing and understanding those we love. 1 Peter 3, and he gives those commands for the woman. And then in 1 Peter 3, 7 he says, Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. We're to know and understand our wives. We're to learn about them. We're to ask them questions. We're to consult them. so that we understand who they are. We understand their strengths and weaknesses, their fears, their anxieties, their worries. That way we won't steamroll them or domineer over them or demand things which are wrong, even though they may on the surface seem right. And Peter qualifies at the end of 1 Peter 3.7, he says that, so that your prayers may not be hindered. And that can be scary because every one of us should want our prayers to be answered. And this is a warning to husbands that if you live with your wife in a way which is contrary to the word of God, there is a sense that he will say to you, you know, I don't want to hear you. Fix your relationship. Don't talk to me. I'm not gonna answer your prayer until you start loving your wife, whom I gave you. True leadership loves by sincerely caring for the ones you lead, by knowing and understanding them, and then by sacrificing for them. Jesus Christ is our model, which Paul uses in Ephesians 5.25, where he says, husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. He died for her. that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." There's not just this principle of sacrifice and pointing to Christ as the example which we are to follow in sacrificing for our wives, but there's also this sense of spiritual growth, of spiritual instruction. He says that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Husbands, the thing that should concern us most about our wives is their spiritual state, their spiritual condition, their spiritual growth. And I've taken this passage, and I've seen other men take this passage, and even teach on this passage. You know what? If there's a women's retreat, if there's a lady's Bible conference, or a lady's fellowship, husbands, you do what you have to do to make sure that she gets there, that she's able to go there so that she can grow, so that she can learn, so that she can grow in her sanctification, in her holiness. buy resources for her, expose her to the Word as much as you can. Even if you're not a good teacher or you're not well educated in the Word, then take her places where she can be exposed to good teaching, where she can fellowship with other ladies, where she can grow, where she can be washed with the water of the Word. True leadership loves when true leadership is not domineering either. And he says, do not be harsh with them. One commentator says this, he says, the form of this Greek verb is better translated, stop being bitter, or do not have the habit of being bitter. Husbands must not be harsh or angrily resentful toward their wives. And for many of us, we already, just seeing that command, we can already think of instances, we can think of illustrations of examples, but we still must ask a question, how can a husband be embittered towards his wife? Well, number one, he can feel that he got a bad deal. And especially, we don't see this so much in our culture, in our day and age, but especially in that day and age, and many cultures around the world, there's arranged marriages. Marriages were arranged, and sometimes, yes, the potential husband or wife had a little bit of say in the matter, but for the most part, all throughout human history, marriages were arranged. And especially for an arranged marriage, a husband could feel that he got a bad deal. Even today, some husbands can feel that they got a bad deal. For many, a host of reasons. Second, He could be embittered towards his wife because in-laws are a problem. They're hard to deal with, or as some people said, outlaws. Marriage is a package deal. You don't just get the one person, you get the whole family. And sometimes that family is hard. Third, a husband could be embittered towards his wife because of infertility. We live in a fallen world, and especially in that day and age, Children, you had a farm, you needed children to help. You needed children for your legacy, and especially for boys. The premier example of this is Henry VIII. He killed his wives because they couldn't give him an heir. He was bitter. He was bitter towards them. Fourth, a husband could be embittered towards his wife because of lack of certain skills or abilities. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, and we don't always see that when we're courting or dating. But then when we get married and we, oh, you don't really know how to cook that well. But give her time, she'll learn. And there's other things. You know, we all have our strengths and weaknesses, but we can easily nitpick about those things and become bitter. Her own mistakes and sins. You know, there's a certain sense we need to be forbearing, we need to be forgiving. He could be embittered because, as Adam did, Adam, and we do the same, the woman you gave me Gave this to me. Blameshifting. It's another besetting sin of men. Blameshifting. He could be embittered towards his wife because he's in a sense, whether he knows it or not, he's blaming her for his failures in leading the home. His failures in his career. Husband is not to be harsh with his wife. He's not to be embittered about. True leadership is not domineering. It's not vengeful. It doesn't seek vengeance, but it forbears and forgives. It does not demand its own way, but directs and leads everyone in the best way, the way of God. It is willing to defer and go without for the benefit of everyone. Some of you have heard the saying that, you know, the best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother. And that's true because they'll feel safe and secure and stable and will know that they are loved as well. But you know what, the converse is true also. That the best thing a mother can do for her children is to submit to their father and respect him. Because the children will learn submission and respect for authority by her example. And their obedience to their father will flow from that. However, if they witness her complaining about rebellion, complaining about him, rebelling against him, and undermining their father, then they will be tempted to do the same to him, to her, and to every other authority figure in their life. So it's important that wives submit in a way which honors God, that is fitting in the Lord. It's important that husbands love their wives and are not harsh with them. It's important because children are called to obey their parents. Which brings us to our third principle. We've seen submission to authority and loving leadership and now willful obedience, willful obedience. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. They're to willfully obey in seeking to honor their parents. Children, you are to honor your parents. That's the command. That's the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. You honor your parents by honoring their person and their position. Their person and their position. That they are created in the image of God. And so just that simple fact that you are to show them dignity and respect. There's not to be back talk, there's not to be, but what about this or what about that or not right now. Delayed obedience is disobedience. Remember that, delayed obedience is disobedience. There's several ways that children are very crafty. And you don't really see it until you have them and then you're like, oh, Okay, you're sneaky. And they know how to disobey in such a way that they're just skirting the edge, just like going right up to the line without stepping over it. But children, you need to honor your parents and by honoring their person and position, by honoring their wisdom and knowledge. You know, the common excuse, my parents are stupid. And there might be a little bit of truth to that. But they're older than you. They've lived longer than you just by nature of experience. They've been through this world. So they have to know more than you. Maybe not in every area of knowledge, but you're to honor their wisdom and knowledge. You're to honor their reputation and legacy. Children are to willfully obey in seeking to honor their parents, but also in seeking to honor the Lord by submitting to His perfect providence. He gave you the parents you have. You don't, as I've heard, you don't get to pick your own family. There's a sense that husbands and wives get a little bit of choice, but children, no. You have the parents you have, and parents, Have the children you have. So you gotta work with it. And so children are to willfully obey and seeking Son of the Lord by submitting to his perfect providence, by submitting to his perfect commands, and by submitting to his design for the family. This is, has design. There is a structure. There is a clear hierarchy of authority. Starting with the husband, and the father, and then the mother, and then the children. So, we see the submission to authority, loving leadership, willful obedience, and finally, considerate rule. Considerate rule. Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. Lest they become discouraged. There's a way in which fathers, This, in a sense, applies to mothers as well. Some translations have parents, which would probably be a better translation because it applies to parents as well, but some translations have fathers because usually it's the father that transgresses this command. It's usually the father that is overbearing or demanding or unfair. It says in the English Standard Version, it says, fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. And so how are we to rule in such a way that is considerate, that is discerning? First and foremost, do not have unrealistic and unfair standards. And for your notes, I kind of messed up a bit. Some of the notes, I put subpoints, and you'll see this. But first, do not have unrealistic and unfair standards. You are to discipline and instruct according to age, abilities, personality, and circumstances. We don't want to expect a two-year-old to know how to tie his shoes or to not spill something. And the same as goes with the two-year-old, there are levels and seasons of life and abilities. And some children are more gifted than others. They're more adept than others. Some grow slower than others. There's disabilities. There's learning disabilities. And parents, and especially fathers, we need to be cognizant of that. We need to be considerate. We need to be discerning. We need to know and understand our children so that we discipline and instruct them according to their age, according to their abilities, even according to their personality and their circumstances. There are times when, you know, kids have bad days too. And the classic example, and you've probably all seen this, you have a long day on a road trip or going somewhere, and then you come home, and it's after bedtime. And normally, most households, you have the kids clean up their rooms before bed or put away the toys. And after a long day, and they're wore out, and everybody's wore out, and that's not the time to say, hey, you need to clean up your toys before you go to bed. Just let it go. We'll clean it up tomorrow. There's times when you need to flex, when you need to adjust the standards. Second, do not neglect them. Do not be inconsistent or show favoritism. Do not over-expect. have such high expectations for them that they're going to be a professional athlete. They're going to be valedictorian. They're going to be all these high standards. And some children, they will reach those standards. But for most of us, we're just going to be normal human beings. you know, find our way in life and find some career and, you know, just try to be, you know, productive members of society. Don't over expect, don't have these high expectations for your children, which they will never be able to achieve. Don't over protect them, you got to allow them a little bit of freedom. And that's, that's, honestly, that's harder in our day and age, with all the dangers with all the the things on the internet and media. It's hard not to overprotect. It's hard not to shelter your children. Because for most of us, when we were growing up, we could just roam the neighborhood. We could go to different neighbors. We were generally safe. But there's still a sense, even today, for myself and for those of us who have young children, that we can be overprotective. And we can exasperate the children. We can provoke them to anger. We can cause them to become discouraged. Don't overreact. Be forbearing and forgiving. Don't hold past sins and failures, shortcomings or weaknesses over their heads. And sometimes growing up, you have an uncle or a grandfather or some older person in your family. I remember when you're eight years old and you did such and such, and it's embarrassing. And sometimes fathers can do that. You always do this, or you never do this. Why won't you get this right? There's a time and place. for correction and how we correct. Why is it that you fail to do this or that correctly? Rather than, you always do this, you'll never get this right. That's demeaning. Be willing to apologize and ask for their forgiveness for your sins against them. That's probably the hardest thing. We're all sinners and at some point, a father and a mother, you're going to sin against your child. And if it's clear, Everybody knows, and you need to come to them. You need to ask for their forgiveness. That can be powerful. Because more often than not, your child will say, they might even tear up, I forgive you. I forgive you. Show grace and teach them about grace. Focus more on the positive than the negative. Be more proactive than reactive in your parenting. Too often, we just react as parents. We just react to some bad behavior rather than proactively teaching them right behavior. We should be more positive than negative. We should prepare them and encourage them for life. We should lavish the encouragement. You can do this. Go ahead. Yeah, yeah. I know it's hard, but you can do it. I know you can do it. And then continue to develop your relationship with them. You know, they say that there's no pain like kid pain. Usually that's in the context of a child going astray or going apostate or getting involved in drugs and alcohol or whatever horrendous sins or bad situations you can think of. That there's no pain like kid pain. And the only thing that can make it worse is knowing that part of it is your own fault. Part of it's your own fault because of how you raised them and treated them as they were growing up. However, forgiveness and grace can heal old wounds and however bad your relationship with your parents or your children was, there can be reconciliation and restoration through the gospel. There's stories, there's testimonies all throughout the church of, you know, 20, 30 years of neglect, abuse, abandonment. Someone comes to faith and someone has to take this first step and ask for forgiveness, repent and say, you know, I'm sorry, son. I was a horrible father. Would you please forgive me? There can be restoration, there can be reconciliation. But that starts with understanding our restoration, our reconciliation in the cross of Jesus Christ. That however much a father or a mother has sinned against a child, or however much a child has sinned against a mother or father, or however much a husband has sinned against a wife or a wife against a husband, it does not compare to how much we have sinned against God. And He offers us forgiveness through a cross of Jesus Christ freely. It says, come to me all who are weary and heavy laden, I will give you rest. Seek the Lord while you may be found. Call upon Him while He is near. He is willing to forgive. If you haven't experienced that forgiveness, my call to you is to come to Him. To seek Him while He may be found. To call upon Him while He is near. Because unless you repent, unless you ask for His forgiveness, you will bear the penalty for your own sins forever in hell. So seek Him. Come to Him. Know Him. And know this forgiveness. And if you know this forgiveness, if you know this grace, then you can extend that to others and especially, especially in your family. And this is why we celebrate. This is why we celebrate the Lord's Supper. Because he has paid an incalculable sin debt for us. He has redeemed us. And so he commands us to celebrate this sacrifice on our behalf that he took on flesh so that flesh could be broken as a perfect sacrifice for us that he shed his blood because with the shedding of blood there is no remission for sins. And then he commands us to celebrate. what He has done on our behalf. And so this, as we come to celebrate the Lord's Supper, this is for anyone, whether you're visiting or whether you're a member or not, anyone who has repented and believed upon the Lord Jesus Christ and has been born again, this is for you. Unless, of course, you're in unrepentant sin. And Paul tells the Corinthians to examine yourselves to see if you're in the faith and not to eat the bread or drink the cup in an unworthy manner, meaning that you're living in clear, unrepentant sin and then you come celebrate the Lord's table? No. But the converse is that there is in a sense that we prepare our hearts and minds for this celebration and there is a sense that possibly confess every known sin. But we confess and if you are walking in a manner worthy of the Lord, or at least striving to, and you are confessing that your sins in this is for you. So, I will pray for us and then the men will direct you to gather the elders and then we'll partake of the Lord's Supper together. Heavenly Father, we thank you for these words, for these words concerning the family. We all know it's a family life. It wasn't exactly what we wanted it to be growing up, or may not be what we think it ought to be right now. It's because we're sinners. And there is a sense that, yes, if there's horrendous... to the family, we need to repent. We need to change. We need to strive to obey your commandments for wives, for husbands, for parents, for children. Lord, help us to do so and help us to show grace, help us to be forgiving, help us to repent where repentance is required, and help us to obey you. Please be with us now as we celebrate Christ's sacrifice for us. In his name we pray, amen.