Please now turn in your Bibles to the book of Ezekiel for our Old Covenant reading. It's especially important for us this morning to see this Old Covenant backdrop, because the imagery that Paul is using comes from the Old Testament. Particularly stemming from God's relationship to his people, Israel stands behind Paul's marriage analogy. And it's probably Ezekiel chapter 16, which I'd ask you to turn to in particular, which forms the background to Paul's words concerning the husband sanctifying his wife. For in this beautiful passage, we see Ezekiel describing God as caring for, washing, adorning his people in splendor. model for Christian husbands. Ezekiel, chapter 16, beginning in verse one. Again, the word of the Lord came to me saying, son of man, cause Jerusalem to know her abominations and say, thus says the Lord God to Jerusalem, your birth and your nativity are from the land of Canaan. Your father was an Amorite and your mother, a Hittite. As for your nativity, on the day you were born, your navel cord was not cut, nor were you washed in water to cleanse you. You were not rubbed with salt, nor wrapped in swaddling cloths. No eye pitied you to do any of these things for you, to have compassion on you. But you were thrown out into the open field when you yourself were loathed on the day you were born. And when I passed by you and saw you struggling in your own blood, I said to you in your blood live. Yes, I said to you in your blood live. I made you thrive like a plant in the field and you grew, matured and became very beautiful. Your breasts were formed, your hair grew, but you were naked and bare. When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed, your time was the time of love. So I spread my wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and entered into a coven with you and you became mine, says the Lord God. Then I washed you in water. Yes, and I thoroughly washed off your blood and I anointed you with oil. I clothed you in embroidered cloth and gave you sandals of badger skin. I clothed you with fine linen and covered you with silk. I adorned you with ornaments, put bracelets on your wrists and a chain on your neck. And I put a jewel in your nose, earrings in your ears, and a beautiful crown on your head. Thus, you were adorned with gold and silver, and your clothing was of fine linen, silk, and embroidered cloth. You ate pastry of fine flour, honey, and oil. You were exceedingly beautiful and succeeded to royalty. Your fame went out among the nations because of your beauty, for it was perfect. My through my splendor, which I had bestowed on you, says the Lord God. But you trusted in your own beauty, played the harlot because of your fame and poured out your holiday on everyone passing by who would have it. You took some of your garments and adorned multicolored high places for yourself and played the harlot on them. Such things should not happen, nor be. This time, I'd like for us to turn to our new covenant reading in the book of Ephesians. With this picture of God's covenant love for his bride, even when she was being unlovable. Beginning in verse 22. Why submit to your own husbands is to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife is also Christ is head of the church and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wise be to their own husbands and everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her that he might sing to find cleanser with the washing of water by the word. that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does church. where we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ in the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you, in particular, so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. As far the reading God's holy word. In a book entitled Each for each other marriage, as it was meant to be, the author describes how he exercised what he thought to be biblical headship in the home with these words, he said, In order to make sure that there was no question about who is the head of our home, I try to make sure both my wife and I let scripture rule our actions. For instance, if I come home from work and I'm trying to relax by watching the TV or reading the paper, my wife may ask me for some help with something in the kitchen or with the kids. To make sure that we both know who the head of the home is, I flip a coin in my mind. If it comes up heads, I help. If it comes up tails, I don't. That way, there's no question of who's in charge. Now, these words come from someone who is really thinking that they were carrying out biblical model for being a husband. He wanted to be a good husband. But this man has to confess in his book that his marriage was in shambles. And I think after hearing that description, it's probably not hard to see why. But what was his problem, however? Haven't we read in our last Ephesians reading that the husband is the head of the home, that yes, that the wife is to submit and respect her husband's authority, even if her husband is not respectable, even if the husband is perhaps even an unbeliever, that she might prejudice his sanctification and salvation with her quiet submission and gentleness. Yes, headship we saw is authority. It is God given authority to the husband. Doesn't he have the right to exercise it? Doesn't he have the right to lay out the roles and responsibilities for everybody in the family? Yes. But the problem is that this person was distorting biblical headship by leaving out some very crucial elements. Headship is much more than the issue of who gets to hold the remote to the TV in the family. There's more to it, Paul says. And when a deficient view of headship arises, there are two errors that can occur. Flip side of the pendulum, one would be domination, tyrannical domination. The other would be an abdication, a passivity. The first example I gave from that book that I read would fall under the former domination. But what about the other side of the pendulum abdication. I think that that possibly at times can be more common especially when it comes to spiritual matters in the home husbands being spiritual leaders in their home. For example a friend. of a pastor's wife. I read of have this to say, my husband hasn't made a decision regarding our family in two years. He doesn't decide how to discipline of the Children. That's left to me. He never consults me about taking out of town work assignments. He comes and goes seemingly without any regard for my feelings or those of the Children. They don't even know him. All he does is come home from time to time and break into our routine before leaving again. I don't have three children. I have four children. Brothers and sisters domination and tyranny aren't what Paul means by headship but neither is passivity and abdication of authority. Then how then are we to understand the husband's role in the Christian household? Is the wife to submit? Yes, we stress this last time. Does this need to occur even when the husband is not being a good husband? Yes, as long as he's not telling you to do something contrary to the Bible. Yes, you respect the uniform, not the person. But husbands, With all that being said, let me just say this, you are going to make it extremely, extremely difficult for your wife to submit to you and to respect you if you're not falling in line, seeking to grow more and more into the Christlike model that Paul gives us in this text of scripture. So what is the headship? So often we hear headship defined solely in terms of the husband having the last word in decision making the final authority. Now is the husband the final authority in decision making. Well actually God's word is the final authority for everything. But granted the assuming that the husband's decision is not contrary to scripture. Yes he is the final authority in decision making in the home. That's clear. But a huge error is made of enormous proportions. If such a decision is made by the husband without consideration of the fuller biblical picture, this definition can be horrendously misused. What if the wife hated the idea of moving to a distant town? What if the wife thinks that the children shouldn't be taking on more activities? What if there's a difference of opinion regarding a discipline of children in the home? Should the husband insist upon what he wants anyway, because after all, he's the head of the home. He has the final word. If one understands biblical headship regarding the husband's authority to be that of disregarding your wife's feelings, never giving earnest consideration to her thoughts, then I would say what's emerging here is a very distorted picture of what biblical headship is all about. And it will do great, great damage to your marriage relationship. No, for what we see here in this passage is a husband who is called upon to carry out his headship, not in order to assert his personal authority. No, it's to be carried out for the benefit of his wife, for the sake of his children. You see, The focus here in this passage isn't upon husbands taking charge. It's upon husbands taking responsibility. Notice that Paul, as he opens the section on husbands, he doesn't say husbands exercise your headship. Now, what does he say in the passage says husbands love your wives, the thrust here isn't Assert your will in the home, but rather it's on the focus of giving yourself for your wife. Husbands is far more emphasis here upon controlling our selfish nature than on controlling our wives. Biblical headship is about using your God given authority to do all that is within your power by the grace of God to promote love and godliness and peace in your household. Even when the fostering of those things involves great personal sacrifice. And so now let us look at how husbands are to love their wives first. First. as patterned after the model of Christ's love for the church. Look at verse 25 once again. Paul says husbands love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. You know it's very interesting to note that nowhere in the New Testament where the wife is specifically addressed and dealt with nowhere in the New Testament is she commanded to love her husband. Now should she. Yes absolutely. But in the passages dealing specifically with wives. She's explicitly not commanded to. But when we see the passages dealing with the husband such as this one we see that just in a few verses the husband is told that once not twice not three times but four times to love his wife. And what does that mean. That's not without significance it means that. Love in the household is especially the task of the husband. What that means is that he must initiate love in the household. He must seek to maintain love in the household. He must promote love in the household husbands. Paul says that this is your responsibility. Which means that if there's no love at all in the household, And it's principally the husband that is at fault, because at very least, at very least, the husband should be introducing love into the household. The husband might ask, well, why is this my responsibility? Paul's answer is clear. He says, because your marriage relationship with your wife must reflect the love of Jesus Christ for his church. Just think of that for a moment. Was it the church that first loved Jesus Christ? Or was it Christ who first loved the church? Who took the initiative in that relationship? Was the church just so lovable that Jesus couldn't help but to love us? That isn't the picture that emerges in the Bible. No, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. First John 419, we love because Christ first loved us. The last time we looked at Ephesians, we saw that a wife is to submit, respect her husband, even if he's not being respectable. But here we see that a husband is to love his wife even when she is not being loveable. And you notice love in the scriptures isn't this warm, fuzzy feeling. I do believe that affections eventually come into play with love. I'm not into cold hearted love here but the essence the essence of love is active. It can be commanded. It is about giving. Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. But can't you. Doesn't Paul say somewhere that you can give your body to the flames and yet not have love. He says this in First Corinthians 13. And yes, that can happen, but it would happen if the proper motive and goal is not in place in the heart, if it's self-seeking. But true love in this passage shows why you give love. It is for the motive of glorifying your wife. It is for the motive of beautifying her, seeking her welfare as the next verses show, and we'll be considering them in just a moment. But for now, let this sink in. That your love for your wife is to be patterned after Christ's love for the church. an initiatory love. God made the husband to be initiator. He made the wife to be a responder, and the husband is to offer a giving, self-sacrificing love, a love which seeks the welfare of his wife. Ephesians has taught you that the headship of the Lord Jesus Christ is for the sake of his church. Likewise, your headship is to be for the sake of your wife, all your decisions are to be made with her welfare in mind. Husbands, if you are following biblical models of headship, there's no reason that your wife shouldn't be taking delight in submitting to you. Now, why is your call to submit and respect your husband, even as your husband is working these things out and getting better? It can be very difficult, sometimes wives, to submit to your husband when your husband isn't living up to these things. But it's important for us all to consider here in this text that in light of what Paul's just said, that in comparison to husbands, the wife's role is relatively simple. Now, before I get you throwing tomatoes my way, let me try to explain what I mean here. The key word here is comparatively simple. Husbands have the capacity to make their wives totally depressed and frustrated and discouraged. There's no denying that. And it's hard for any of us to submit. Any of us. It runs against our sinful nature. We're rebels with that sort of thing, all of us. But I would still say, and I'm not being biased here because it's right in the text, and I'm not being biased because I'm a husband. But compared to husbands, wives, in a sense, have it easier, according to this passage, in a sense. And you're waiting for me to clear that up for you, don't you? Well, why? Well, I think when I explain to you, you'll see why. Because the husband's role is not of submitting, but of headship. And Paul says to you, husbands, that your headship must be a picture of Christ's headship over the church. Now, just stop for a moment to think about that for a second. The wife is called to picture what? To picture the church's relationship and submission to Jesus Christ, right? Now, the church's submission to Jesus Christ ought to be perfect, but as we know, as sinful human beings, it is far from perfect. But now I think you know where I'm going. Contrast that with the headship of Jesus Christ. In contrast to sinful human beings in the church, Jesus Christ's humanity is absolutely perfect and sinless. And this is what Paul is calling husbands to exemplify Christ's love for the church. So he's told of a man seeking a pastor's counsel. And he said, I think the problem is that I love my wife too much. And the pastor said, well, Explain that to me. Yeah, well, I think I love her too much, and that's been the cause of many of our problems. Pastor says, I see. Well, let me ask you this. Do you love your wife as much as Christ loves the church? Man replies, No, I don't love her that much. And then the pastor replies, Well, actually, the problem is you don't love her too much. The problem is that you love her too little. You have to love her as Christ loves the church, husbands and wives. I think it's obvious that that task is too great. Husbands are sinful. We cannot fulfill this command perfectly. Far from it. We can only approximate it as the Holy Spirit works in our hearts and lives, husbands. On this side of Jordan, that's the best we can do is approximate it. However, that being said, husbands and I address you, this is the pattern. This is the pattern as Christ loved the church. So you must imitate him in all your ways, in your relationship with your wife. Now, at this point, I think it needs to be said that all Christians, husbands, wives, children, whatever, are called upon to reflect Jesus Christ. to imitate him. So the command to the wife in marriage is no less obligatory than the command to the husband to imitate Christ. But what Paul is doing here is he's drawing a distinction of role when when a husband fails, when a husband fails, he is marring the image of the Lord in the relationship in a way that the woman cannot. Because of his unique position, Christ's Christ's authority in the home is centered upon the husband, not on the wife, not on the Children. It is centered in the husband, and it is his responsibility to see that Christ in his ways and his will is honored in the home in that love is promoted in the home, and the husband is to show that by the giving of his time The giving of his attention, the giving of his care and love and affection and energy and initiation. And love isn't simply, as I said many times before, love isn't simply a feeling. It's something that can be committed, it's active, something that by God's grace can grow. by the Holy Spirit working in you and with humble reliance upon God's grace. Both husbands who are in Christ can more and more be the spouse that God wants them to be by living out of Jesus Christ. But you see not only is the husband's love to be patterned after the model of Christ's love for the church but second it is to be patterned after the goal. of Christ's love for the church and in verses 26 and 27. What we have here are three purpose clauses that the Apostle Paul gives the Christ's love for the church is for the goal of sanctifying her. It is for presenting her to himself as glorious and enabling her to be holy and without blemish. Should a husband provide for the physical welfare and protection of his wife? Yes, absolutely. But sadly, sometimes this spiritual aspect of the headship of the husband is ignored and being neglected with respect to the wife. All in the interest sometimes of, ironically, being the provider. But look at these goals of Christ's love for the church here. First, the goal of sanctifying her. Look at verse 26, that he might sanctify and cleanse her by the washing of water by the word. The basic idea of sanctify in the Greek is to set apart, has two parts, set apart from evil, you set apart unto holy use for God's service to be in a dedicated relationship with God and his holy people. Paul says here that this was accomplished with the washing of the water by the word. This is how the sanctification was accomplished. It's a spiritual cleansing, a spiritual cleansing, which is pictured in baptism. That's the reference to water here. And it's a spiritual cleansing which is spoken of in First Corinthians six, verse 11, where Paul says, but you were washed But you were sanctified but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the spirit of our God. It is very telling that in our old covenant reading Ezekiel 16 in verses 8 through 14 of that chapter we have this image imagery of a marital washing. See in ancient Israel they have these prenuptial bath a bridal bath. And that's what we see in Ezekiel, that when Yahweh enters into his marriage covenant with Israel, he bathes Israel, his bride with water, washes the blood from her, anoints her with oil, clothes her with magnificent garments, making her so beautiful that she's fit to be a queen. And so we see here Husbands and Ephesians that Christ's sacrificial death was for the purpose of making her holy. And how is this done? It is done by the word by the word through the purifying word of the gospel. Just think back to the gospels of how Jesus speaks to his disciples about being cleansed and sanctified through the word which he had spoken to them. Paul saying here that Jesus Christ gave himself for the purpose of sanctifying the church. That is to happen through the spiritual cleansing and washing brought about by his gracious word of the gospel and the Holy Spirit. And so, brothers and sisters, this goal is also to be reflected in the husband's love for his wife. you husbands need to be utterly dedicated to the spiritual welfare of your wife. Her total well-being for sure, but particularly her spiritual welfare. But not only is the goal for Christ's love for the church expressed in this idea of sanctifying her, but secondly, it is for the goal of presenting her. Look at the first part of verse 27, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing. Again, we're hearkening back to Ezekiel 16, where this Yahweh is clothing his wife in magnificent apparel and jewelry so that her beauty was, quote, perfect through my splendor, which I had bestowed on you, says the Lord God. Ultimately, this presentation refers to the final day when Jesus Christ comes again. The imagery here is of a lovely woman who has not the least spot, not the least blemish or wrinkle that spoils the smoothness of her skin. That will be unsurpassed beauty of the bride of Jesus Christ when he comes again, though the church on Earth has many blemishes, has many failures. The goal toward which we are moving is moral and spiritual beauty and perfection. But thirdly, notice that the love of Jesus Christ for the church is for the goal of enabling her. Look at the second part of verse 27, but that she should be holy and without blemish. Jesus Christ enables the church to reach this goal. But furthermore, amazingly, somehow this is providing a pattern for husbands to love their Wives. Verse 28 says, and making it clear, it says, so husbands ought to love their own wives. Drawing in the analogy there. The question is, how do you do this? Husbands? Sanctification is a supernatural act. It is done by Jesus Christ, by the work of the Spirit. How can you, a mere mortal, do that for your wife? Where's the analogy being drawn? Well, the answer is first, negatively speaking, you can't. Only the Holy Spirit can do this supernaturally. However, that being said, you husbands are to do all that is within your power to promote her sanctification. At all the means in your disposal. Which means even more specifically, husbands, is that you're to ensure that your wives and your children have a regular diet, a daily diet of Holy Scripture. That's your responsibility. It's one of the key ways in which you bring your family into contact with the written revelation of God's goodness. God's goodness. that you impress upon your family every day this conviction that no business of the day can proceed without looking unto Jesus Christ. It's a word of God. From heaven that we have this passage because he's telling you that the Holy Spirit uses these means even through the husbands to sanctify his wife. So husbands, you must help your wife with the word of God. That her spots in her wrinkles, spiritually speaking, will be more and more ironed out and removed, making sure that she does not conform to the patterns of this world, but to Jesus Christ. So you're to use the holy word in all of your dealings with her. It amazes me to think sometimes of how many Christians think they can grow spiritually. That they can resolve problems in their marriage that they can mature in Jesus Christ without reading the scripture daily. That forgets that man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that proceeds from the mouth of God, or that we simply pray that God would sanctify us without being concerned with doing what the Bible calls us to do. And that's why husbands, you must learn to use the Bible effectively in your daily life and in the life of your family, you know, by living the scripture as an example, but also to teach, to approve, to correct, to instruct in righteousness, in daily living. Husbands, do you make sure that your wife in her schedule has enough time daily to read the Scriptures, to pray with God. Do you lead your wife and your children at home in Scripture, family worship? Do you seek to answer her questions regarding Bible passages that she might have that might raise questions in her mind? Do you discuss your decisions and your issues in the light of Holy Scripture? Do you commend your wife for any spiritual area in which she is growing. Do you reprove her gently on scriptural grounds in a gentle and loving manner? Do you talk much about the scripture in its relationship to your daily life? Husbands, according to this passage, this is your responsibility. But what if someone says, well, my wife knows way more about scripture than I do. What then? Maybe you feel like you've been given a uniform that's a few sizes too big. Maybe your wife fits the uniform better than you do. And I think all husbands feel that the suit is too big. I mean, it's Jesus Christ is the pattern after all. But according to Paul's words here, God has given that uniform to husbands. And it's called wise to respect and submit to the uniform, your wife might be a spiritual genius. Your wife might have large passages of scripture committed to memory at her instant that can call. You might feel that you're so far behind your wife that you'll never catch up. But let me tell you this, the husband that is closest to the Lord is not the one who knows his Bible fairly well, but has been in the same place spiritually for the last few years. Hasn't been reading the scripture, knows his Bible well, but maybe has even been drifting away. That's not the one who's closest to the Lord. The husband that's closest to the Lord is one who is actively seeking to grow in his knowledge and application of God's holy word. Don't be discouraged, husbands, about any current lack of understanding that you have about the scriptures. You can learn to lead your wife with the scriptures. Guaranteed, guaranteed. It's not so much about your current knowledge. But about your initiative, about your drive to use the scriptures to cleanse your wife and to make her beautiful. And the best way to do this is to saturate her with the word of God, to wash her. But how do you present your wife as glorious? That's that's probably the purpose clause that is most formidable. It should be obvious in this text, if you didn't catch the spirit of it already, that Jesus Christ is expressing appreciation for the attractiveness of his bride. The church. Unless you should do the same express appreciation. For your wife, for her beauty internally. Externally. Rejoice. in your wife in such a way that she never questions her beauty. How much is your wife worth to you husbands? First, Peter 3 7 says husbands likewise dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife as to the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered To give honor in the Greek, do you know what that means? It means to esteem is precious. That's what that word means. And the more fragile your wife is, the more tenderly you should be treating her like a precious, fragile, beautiful vase of great beauty. And remember, husbands, In that passage, your wife is not said to be the weak vessel. She isn't said to be the weaker vessel, and likewise, you're not said to be the strong vessel. You're said to be the stronger vessel. So husbands were weak in many, many, many ways. But the bottom line here is this. A vessel is a great, immense blessing. in your life. It is your greatest reward. This side of glory, your wife, your fellow heir of the grace of life. Is that the value that you place on your wife? Husbands, let us never take this for granted. But let us love and value our wives as Christ loved the church. and gave himself for her. Let us pray. Oh, gracious Lord, when we come into an encounter with your holy commandments and requirements, we find ourselves confessing with the Apostle Paul who is sufficient for these things. Father, we as husbands could never live up to the perfect model of holiness and love that Jesus Christ provides for the church. But we do pray, Father, that day by day you would help us more and more to approximate this ourselves. that we might have the joy of seeing our wife beautified in splendor, knowing that we were a vessel, an instrument, an agency used to promote that end. And we pray this in Jesus Christ's most holy name. Amen.