RiverOaks Presbyterian Church, Tulsa | SermonAudio.com
members, click to sign in..

3,132 active users!!Bandwidth
MAR 29, 2015
Events & Blogs
New Audio & Video
Local Church Finder
Live Webcasts
Sermons by Bible
Sermons by Topic
Sermons by Speaker
Sermons by Date
Staff Picks
CommentsALL -1 hrs
Top Sermons
Daily Log
Online Bible
Daily Reading
Our Services
Submit Sermon
Members Only

Podcast + Codes
•  Apple iTunes | Video
Sermon Browser Info | Demo
Newest Widget | Demo
Our Picks | Info | Demo
Latest Blog | Info | Demo
Single Sermon | Info
To embed a single sermon,
use the "Email & Share" button.
Mobile Apps | Info
Enjoy sermons from this broadcaster
on a variety of mobile devices.
MyChurch: redeemertulsa
Church Apps | Info
Creating your own Church App is
as simple as turning ON the option.
RiverOaks Presbyterian Church, Tulsa
Ricky Jones  |  Tulsa, Oklahoma
Email Us!Our Website
Our Blog
Filter By

5 Things Depressed People Want You to Know
Posted by: RiverOaks Presbyterian Church, Tulsa | more..
BLOG ON: SERMON Depression Anxiety and Suicide
RiverOaks Presbyterian Church, Tulsa
Ricky Jones

If you do not struggle with depression yourself, you almost certainly love someone who does. Talking with depressed people can be tricky. Sometimes we say things to help that only serve to make our friend feel worse. After making that mistake a few times, we are tempted to draw away and not make the same mistake over. Drawing away makes matters worse, because it confirms his suspicions that you do not really want to be around him.

To help you navigate that confusion, I asked a friend who struggles with depression to help me compile this list. So please, continue to reach out but do so with these things in mind.

1. Be prepared to listen openly without judgment

Depressed people can take things very personally and be sensitive. Be very careful not to dismiss us or our feelings (don’t smile, take depression seriously!).

Don’t say "I know how you feel". It is belittling, and implies that since you are not depressed you are stronger than me. Other statements to avoid:

“Cheer up it's not that bad it’ll be ok.”

“That’s a normal situation.” (Being told it's normal is horrifying)

“Work through it, get a hobby.” We are not bored children.

“Chamomile tea and/or exercise will help.” (It might but being told that feels dismissive). Instead say “let’s go get some tea” or “I’m going for a walk/jog/run come with me.”

2. Honor the person’s right to feel their emotions whatever they are.

Be supportive and affirming, continually let him know that you will be there for him.

Ask safety related questions (don’t be shocked by suicidal thoughts because depressed people think about suicide a lot. Suicide is like an escape hatch underwater.)

Ask them what you can do to help (company 24 hrs is never bad). Always answer your phone!) Telling them they can come over anytime and meaning it is helpful.

3. Focused advice and criticism can be helpful. (Avoid generalities)

This is dangerous but can be very helpful. Once you have established a trusting relationship, carefully offer to help. If something is stressing me out finding an answer or solution is like a pressure relief valve. For example I’ll roll something over and over in my mind when I am depressed. If someone comes along and says “look here is what you do and how you do it”, its like a fog lifting and I can move on.

A friend told me once I go down mental rabbit holes. I never realized it until then but now I notice when I do it, and can shift from looking for a ridiculous answer to just stopping.

This advice is very difficult but it’s a more focused solution. You are not curing the depression, but you are helping with the things that make depression worse.

4. We do not like some of the places you go for fun.

Thank you for wanting to take us out and cheer us up. But when we are feeling depressed we get nervous and anxious. Arcades, bowling alleys, or places with a lot of stimulation overwhelm us. We need consistency and calm to sort things out.

So please avoid loud intermittent noises and bright flashing lights (camera flashes are the worst)

Instead offer to do something quiet. Say “let’s go for a ride.” I used to drive around for hours or walk up and down aisles in grocery stores. (Depressed people actually like company when the company isn’t trying to cheer them up).

If you invite a friend going through depression to coffee or lunch, sit where they won’t need to worry about others seeing their tears.

Check in from time to time (texts or emails are great) – depression tricks you into thinking that no one cares. A simple “How are you?” or “I’m thinking of you/praying for you” reminds them that you do. It also gives them permission to share without worrying that they’re being a burden. Please don’t feel like you have to have all the answers! God uses friends who are willing to just sit with you in the pain to bring healing.

5. We like Community Groups, but not Discussion Groups.

Sometimes having an excuse to get out of the house and away from everything that’s familiar can be a great relief.

Social situations can be difficult like bible studies or having prescribed talk time make me uncomfortable, but knowing I’m around people that aren’t there for a specific reason is relaxing.

Non-depressed people seem to feel guilty for not helping people. Therefore, they turn community groups into bible studies because they think that is more helpful and inviting. (It is not because depressed people never feel like they’re being listened to except for when its one on one.)

Personally inviting someone to a community group is better than saying “go here if you want” or “let us find you a group”. Once there, allow your friends to pair off if they want to or just allow them to sit quietly.

Remember, it is always better to do something rather than nothing. Over the years I have accidentally offended many depressed people. I have said the wrong things, and sent the wrong messages. But somehow, the message "I love you and want to help" seems to get through.

Ricky Jones Ricky Jones

Ricky Jones has spent the past two years as a church planter and pastor in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Before that, he was a campus minister with Reformed University...


permalink | post new | clone this | rss feed | blog top »
Text feature this blog entry


Believe What You Have Become
Posted by: RiverOaks Presbyterian Church, Tulsa | more..
Saturday Night Live had a skit called "Daily Affirmations" where a character named Stuart Smalley would stare into a mirror and say: "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and, doggone it, people like me!" SNL was making fun of the idea that positive...
[ abbreviated | read entire ]
permalink | post new | clone this | rss feed | blog top »

Is Marriage a State or Church Issue? And Other Questions
Posted by: RiverOaks Presbyterian Church, Tulsa | more..
Questions I address in this post: Is marriage a state or church issue? How do I love my gay brother? How do I uphold biblical marriage while loving homosexuals? Should we treat homosexuality differently than other sins? Is John 8 apocryphal? What...
[ abbreviated | read entire ]
permalink | post new | clone this | rss feed | blog top »

Never Stop Asking Too Much
MONDAY, APRIL 15, 2013
Posted by: RiverOaks Presbyterian Church, Tulsa | more..
I live much of my life disappointed. My friends tell me I have unrealistic expectations. It is true, unfortunately I often find myself saying, “I guess it was too much to hope for…” I guess seeing this alcoholic reform before...
[ abbreviated | read entire ]
permalink | post new | clone this | rss feed | blog top »

Lent is Good for Me
Posted by: RiverOaks Presbyterian Church, Tulsa | more..
Lent may be the most Christian of the holidays. No stores have big Lent sales; no one pushes Lent decorations, tries to sell Lent books or hands out Lent jewelry. Lent does not lend itself to commercialism or emotion. Instead it calls for a long,...
[ abbreviated | read entire ]
permalink | post new | clone this | rss feed | blog top »

Dear Lance Armstrong,
Posted by: RiverOaks Presbyterian Church, Tulsa | more..
Dear Lance, Wow, what a terrible few years you must have had. You were running from the truth, running from your friends, and fighting against yourself. You must have felt very alone, angry and remorseful. The worst may finally be over. You will...
[ abbreviated | read entire ]
permalink | post new | clone this | rss feed | blog top »

Sin: Words You Thought You Understood
Posted by: RiverOaks Presbyterian Church, Tulsa | more..
Please learn the true meaning of sin. Sin lives within every heart. It bends the way we think, feel and act. In the beginning, sin crept into our world and let in his friend death, and to this day sin leads humans by the hand into the arms of...
[ abbreviated | read entire ]
permalink | post new | clone this | rss feed | blog top »

Words you thought you knew: Law
Posted by: RiverOaks Presbyterian Church, Tulsa | more..
As we begin our study of Romans together, we need some vocabulary lessons. Some words we have used since childhood have very special meanings in this letter. Unless we understand those words we will miss the meaning of the entire letter. In modern...
[ abbreviated | read entire ]
permalink | post new | clone this | rss feed | blog top »

The Sabbath, Our Unexpected Gift
Posted by: RiverOaks Presbyterian Church, Tulsa | more..
What was your favorite Christmas present? My wife posed this question to me the day after Christmas. I quickly thought through the options. Do I automatically tell her that her gift was the best? Which gift was my favorite? Was it this? Was it...
[ abbreviated | read entire ]

Shane Hatfield Shane Hatfield

permalink | post new | clone this | rss feed | blog top »

An Insomniac Preaching on Rest
Posted by: RiverOaks Presbyterian Church, Tulsa | more..
I woke up at 4:00 am and couldn't go back to sleep, so I spent the rest of the morning re-writing my sermon on rest. I hope you don't think me a hypocrit if for admitting that a sermon on rest kept me up all night. I would like to only preach...
[ abbreviated | read entire ]
permalink | post new | clone this | rss feed | blog top »

· Page 1 ·  Found: 100 entries · Jump:  [1] 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Guy Walker
The Greatness of Grace

Sermons from Acts
Sunday - AM
Oakdale Missionary Baptist
Play! | MP3 | RSS

Glory Road
Ed Moore

Ken Wimer
The Accursed Thing

Book of Joshua
Shreveport Grace Church
Play! | MP3

Paul Washer: "Most Useful Bible Study"

See what Paul Washer calls the most useful Bible study tool in hist­ory. Click here!

The Call to Holiness
Ken Wimer

New York, NY | zip
Desiring Revival

Des­ir­ing for God's Rev­ival in God's way

SPONSOR | 1,300+


Our lives should be such as men may safely copy. ... C. H. Spurgeon

City: Las Vegas, NV
Gospel of John
Cities | Local | Personal
iPhone + iPad
Church App
Church App
Kindle + Nook
Windows Mobile, Nokia
Chromecast TV
Pebble Smartwatch
Kindle Reader

Uploading Sermons
Uploading Videos
Tips & Tricks
YouTube Screencasts

Weekly Newsletter
Staff Picks Feed
Site Notices
RSS | Twitter | Facebook
Local Church Finder | Info
MP3 Play & Download
Mobile Apps
Video Support
Live Webcasting
Transcription Service
Business Cards
Domain Redirect
QR Codes
24x7 Radio Stream
Sermon Browser
HTML Codes
Logos | e-Sword

Transfer Agent
Protected Podcasts
Upload via Email
Auto-Upload Sermons
Auto-Blog Import
Picasa | FTP | Dropbox
SermonAudio.com is the largest library of audio sermons from conservative churches and ministries worldwide. All broadcasters must adhere to the Articles of Faith.

Our Services | Testimonials
Broadcast With Us!
Support Us
Advertising | Local Ads
Copyright © 2015 SermonAudio.com.