Dear Mommy,

I'm so sexually promiscuous, it's crazy!

I've done the math, and it'll take tens of thousands of dollars to kill off any trace of children in my uterus.

Vote Obama! He's from D.C. and here to help.

This way, all schools will partner with Planned Parenthood to set up big bowls at the exits so we can grab what we need on the way home -- just like you do for Women's Health.

Love,

Your baby girl

I'm Barack Obama and I approved this message.